Author's Note: Hey everyone! I hate Nesta and Cassian together, just want to say that at the start. I could write a similar one-shot about this same topic from Nesta's POV (maybe I will, who knows), but this one is just for Cassian. If you love Nessian then this story is probably not for you.

Please Note: the first paragraphs are straight lifted from A Court of Mist and Fury, I am not trying to pass those parts off as my own.

Cassian braced his forearms on the broad sone railing, his red Siphons like living pools of flame.

I said, perhaps because I was a busybody who liked to stick my nose in other people's affairs, "It meant a great deal to me – what you promised by sister the other day."

Cassian shrugged, his wings rustling, "I'd do it for anyone."

"It means a lot to her too." Hazel eyes narrowed slightly. But I casually watched the river. "Nesta is different from most people," I explained. "She comes across as rigid and vicious, but I think it's a wall. A shield – like the ones Rhys has in his mind."

"Against what?"

"Feeling. I think Nesta feels everything – sees too much, sees and feels it all. And she burns with it. Keeping that wall up helps from being overwhelmed, from caring to greatly."

"She barely seems to care about anyone other than Elain."

I met his stare, scanning that handsome, tan face. "She will never be like Mor," I said. "She will never love freely and gift it to everyone who crosses her path. But the few she does care for…I think Nesta would shred the world apart for them. Shred herself apart for them. She and I have our…issues. But Elain…" My mouth quirked to the side. "She will never forget, Cassian, that you offered to defend Elain. Defend her people. As long as she lives, she will remember that kindness."

He straightened, rapping his knuckles against the smooth marble. "Why are you telling me this?"

"I just – thought you should know. For whenever you see her again and she pisses you off. Which I'm certain will happen. But know that deep down, she is grateful, and perhaps she does not possess the ability to say so. Yet the feeling – the heart – is there."

I paused, but before I could continue Cassian turned to face me, his face serious.

"When I was alone with your sister, when Rhys sent me to see if the humans queens had sent word, we argued. She narrowed in on my past, the things I've told you about how I was raised and treated by my people, and twisted it against me. Insulted me for being a bastard, made me feel like I was nothing, and insulted you for good measure. Insulted you for being with Rhys after Tamlin."

My heart pounded in my chest, eyes widening, but Cassian was not done. "Everything you just said about her are excuses that you've probably told yourself since you were a kid to live with her, but it's bullshit. You've told me about your childhood, Feyre. You told me how she treated you, even when you became adults. Nesta berated you, put you down, made you feel worthless while she rained love and affection on Elain. She took your money and spent it on pointless shit, and refused to help in her own survival, leaving the burden of the entire family on you alone. You tore yourself apart for her for years and she repaid you with abuse and neglect. Whatever her issues with feeling too much, nothing justifies what she did to you."

"Cassian, I–" He held up a hand to stop me.

"Nesta is your sister, and you love her, I understand that. But have you stopped to consider that the way she treated you conditioned you to accept being treated badly? That Nesta set you up for Tamlin?"

I felt ill, his words cutting deep. I looked away, biting my bottom lip. Cassian sighed and placed a hand gently on my shoulder.

"I don't say this to hurt or shame you, Feyre. But I want you to understand that whatever kindness I extend towards Nesta is because of my love for you, not because I want to gain her favor. You are my friend, the savior of my people, and Rhys' mate. When I look at your sister I see your first abuser, the older sister who treated you like you were nothing, then continued to ridicule you and make you feel small after everything you've endured. I see every Illyrian who scorned me, who insulted and rejected me and left me to starve in the cold because I wasn't good enough-" he broke off, and I looked back him, shocked by the pain in his eyes.

Instinctually I placed his hand on over his, squeezing.

"How could I ever care about someone who made you feel how the IIllyrains made me feel, Feyre? Or made me feel that away again? How could I love or forgive them when they have done nothing to even show they're sorry? You're my family now, and your wellbeing matters more to me than anything. No matter what The Mother or the Cauldron or whoever fucking thinks, I'm not out to win Nesta Acheron's heart."

I tilted my head at those words. "What do you mean by that?"

Cassian shook his head, then looked down at his feet. "I felt the bond the moment she looked at me," he admitted.

"Oh, Cassian," I gasped.

"I tried, when I went to see her, to imagine a life with her, imagine what a relationship might be like and it was…awful. I know I'm just a bastard, that I'm a failure of a brother and don't deserve…but I think I deserve a partner who doesn't make me feel like dirt, who doesn't treat the people I love like that."

"But, if she's your mate," I tried to reason.

"Most matings are shit, Feyre. You and Rhys are the lucky exception. I would rather be alone than in a relationship that made me miserable." He offered me a sad smile. "Don't worry about me, okay? Rhys is home, he found you, and my family is complete again. That's all I need to be happy. Maybe one day things with Nesta will be different…if she ever finds a way to deal with her shit in way that doesn't harm the people who love her, and makes up for all the fucked up things she has done to you, but until then, she is just your sister to me, someone who needs my protection, and nothing more."

Pain, shame, and embarrassment quivered in my chest. No one, not even Rhys, had spoken so plainly to me about Nesta and I's relationship. He was right, even if I didn't want to admit it. Nesta didn't need me to defend her, and Cassian…

"You deserve everything, Cassian," I told him, my voice wavering with emotion. "You deserve a partner who makes you feel like the amazing male you are."

A flash of something swept over Cassian's face, but he quickly hid it behind a crooked smile.

"Don't let Rhys hear you say that, he might get jealous."

I shook my head, trying to smile at his joke even as my insides were in knots. I felt foolish for saying anything, for trying to encourage their relationship. It wasn't fair to push two people together who clearly were not interested, and I knew deep down Nesta did not want Cassian, even if the mating bond was pushing them together.

Before I could say anything else, the river beneath us shifted…