I Do Not Own Percy Jackson or Greek Mythology.

This story stemmed from the thought, "What Greek God or Goddess would be the worst for a demigod to have as a parent?"

WARNING: Mention of, though no discussion or depiction of, Rape...this IS Greek Mythology we are discussing.


Ask any demigod, and they will all agree that being the half-mortal child of a god or goddess is not as fun as it sounds. At least one parent is almost always absent. Depending on how well your mortal parent can cope with the truth of the mythological world, both parents may be absent. Monsters are constantly being attracted to your very scent, with the sole intention of killing you. You have trouble reading anything that isn't ancient Greek...and you don't even live in Greece. And your ADHD only makes school that much more fun, considering you can't read the text books anyway...

….Please, note the sarcasm.

As if that didn't make things hard enough, your divine parent often uses you as an errand runner, and you're sent on potentially lethal quest, all for said absentee divine parents goals and/or ambitions.

Honestly, it's not that surprising that many demigods sided with the Titans when they tried to rise once more.

But there is an upside, for most demigods at least. You see, a demigod often gains powers or abilities relating to their divine parent. Now these powers and abilities are not necessarily universal among all of the children a god or goddess may have, but they can still be pretty cool, even if they may not be that useful.

I mean, how often does Percy Jackson need to create a hurricane or an earthquake in his daily life? I'm not saying such powers aren't useful, or that they don't have their place, but outside of saving the world and battling monsters, when are those powers actually needed?

Just saying.

Even the Aphrodite kids get the bonus of understanding French, since it's 'The Language of Love.' Now that skill, as minor as it may seem, is actually somewhat useful.

You'd be surprised at just how handy a second language, even French, can be.

Me...I didn't get any cool or useful power like that. I can't even brag that my dad is an important or powerful god despite him not being an Olympian. That's not to say my dad isn't powerful, he is a god after-all, and one disrespected the gods at their own peril. Even minor deities can ruin lives.

I suppose that, if I had been a son, things may be better...maybe. But as his daughter, my inherited abilities...are virtually pointless.

You see my dad is Priapus.

Never heard of him, have you. I'm not surprised. Not only is he not a major deity like the Olympians, but a lot of his imagery is...not exactly child friendly, so he doesn't get a lot of publicity. In fact about the only thing dear old dad has going for him is that priapisim is named after him.

Don't know what priapism is? Allow me to explain.

Priapism is what happens when a males genitalia becomes erect...and refuses to go down. This is often a side effect of taking erectile dysfunction drugs like Viagra, though not always. It's not exactly something to be proud of, and yet it gets it's name from my dad.

It is highly appropriate however when you consider that Priapus is the god of male fertility, and is often depicted with his own...genitalia, exposed. If that doesn't seem that bad, I should add that his genitals are always depicted as being not only incredibly, inhumanly large, but erect as well.

Let me tell you, meeting the man in person, the one time I did, was beyond awkward. Let me tell you, the depictions are modest.

Seriously, Dad was wearing clothes, all covered up, and I could still see exactly how large everything was.

So right off the bat, just being known as the daughter of 'The Guy with The BIG Dick,' (because using a deities actual name may draw their attention to you) is just a ball for young girl.

But to top it off, I got to inherit two, count them, TWO abilities from Dad that set me apart from other demigods (aside from the standard better reflexes and strength than mortals that ALL demigods get). With a thought, I can keep any man from getting an erection...for however long I wish. Power number two, with a thought, I can force a man to become erect, how erect and how long are at my discretion as well.

That is it. That is all I can do.

Well, no, I suppose I can talk to bees as well, since Dad is the god of beekeeping...but they aren't exactly conversationalist. About all bees care about is making honey and collecting pollen. It's very, very boring.

I actually forget I can do that most of the time if I'm being honest, that's how less useful it is to me than making guy's dicks do the cha-cha.

I can admit that it does have some perks. All the guys at camp are terrified that I'll prevent them from masturbating or having sex in the future if they piss me off. And it can be quite hard to fight against me if you have a hard-on that so intense it's painful...but it's not exactly a power any girl dreams of having. And it's not a power one likes to brag and boast about.

Not to mention the fact that I can only effect half the population. Whenever I have to fight against another girl...well I have no other choice but to fall back on my own trained skills and abilities. That may not seem that bad, until you consider that, not only is everyone I fight against just as trained, if not better trained than myself, but they typically have powers and abilities that are actually useful in a fight.

And that basically sums up friendly spars.

When actually threatened, even my tactic of making a guy too hard to concentrate is a bad idea. I mean, I'm not exactly going to have the easiest time fighting anyone off, and by anyone I mean Monsters, gods, other demigods, actually trained mortals. And if you are at all familiar with Greek Mythology, you will realize there is a disturbing amount of rape in Greek mythology...which is the last thing any girl wants to encourage by giving her attacker a hard-on that's makes relieving said hard-on all they can think about.

So, if any other demigods are reading this, bemoaning at how terrible their life is. Just remember, odds are, you get cool powers to go along with your parental issues. And it could always be worse...

...You could have been born a daughter of Priapus.


I'm not saying being a daughter or Priapus is the worst a demigod could be, but I can't think of any parent/child combo that could be worse, for an actual demigod.

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