A/N: I've kind of been holding onto this story idea for a while. I really didn't know what to do with it. One of my peeves is reading/writing a love scene that doesn't advance any kind of story or character moment. Going off a prompt of "what was their first time like" was tricky for me to justify. Since Audrey is my cinnamon roll I think I eventually figured out where to take the idea in a way that's more my style of writing. This story takes place after the theatrical cut or the "big stupid happy ending," because what the hell else am I supposed to write when these two get killed off at the end of the story?
On the note of Audrey, I've been seeing a lot of posts about her being asexual on different websites. As a "graysexual" myself, I've always seen Audrey less as an ace like me and more that she's picked up a lot of unhealthy (but not uncommon in the 1960s) ideas about how women are supposed to act behind closed doors. If ace Audrey is your headcanon I totally get it, what with the twin beds... though I kind of explain how they work that out here. Also, if you want to know the more explicit details of how this all plays out, I will be posting a part 2 on my Ao3 page (I'm "That One Little Shop Fan").
Thanks to all of my regular readers and people subscribed to my silly, mostly inactive tumblr. Happy belated Valentine's Day!
-S. Archive
When Audrey led her new husband down the hall to their little bedroom she had no idea what to expect. They'd truly had a whirlwind courtship, if it could even be called that. Any plans for a wedding had barely been a daydream only weeks before. The wedding night was even more of a fantasy, and one that Audrey always felt a bit naughty for even thinking about when she and Seymour were just coworkers together in a failing flower shop on Skid Row. Whenever that train of thought had crossed her mind back then, it never took her long to remind herself that she wasn't the perfect virgin bride that men dreamed about deflowering on their honeymoon.
The night she had lost her virginity had become little more than a hazy memory, and certainly not a happy one to revisit. She'd been a dime a dozen runaway girl shivering in the city streets. The lucky guy had been a smooth talker who knew about a bar with tenders who couldn't care less if the age of their clientele was under the law requirement. Then, once she was properly boozed up, he took her back to his flat to "repay" him for such kindness. All the men in her life after him had been basically the same. They'd take her home, expect wifely duties from her without a ring or future to go with them, then inevitably get bored with her. Soon enough she'd be out looking for another guy, hoping he'd finally be Mr. Right. She had traded her innocence for survival skills, and she was just barely starting to accept that, and that acceptance had a lot to do with telling all that history to her best friend. In return he gave her only sweet understanding, but that was more than enough.
That best friend was now her groom, and it was an unspoken fact between the two of them that Seymour had never been with another woman before. When Audrey thought about all those losers she'd dated back in the slums, she couldn't remember any of them ever saying that she was their first. Then again, why would any of them confess to that? Still, the idea of having to take complete charge in the bedroom was foreign to her, which added another wrinkle to the already complicated feelings swirling around in her head as she and Seymour stood in the doorway together, looking at the twin beds that sat almost expectantly before them.
"I got the ones you picked out from the catalog," Seymour said, scratching the back of his neck and head, messing up his brown curls. "The movers set 'em up this morning."
Audrey could tell that they were indeed the right beds. Even the comforters were straight out of the catalog she'd shared with Seymour while they were still laying low in the city. Like every idea she had Seymour had not pushed back on the idea of twin beds, but just in case he assumed their honeymoon wouldn't start off properly, she lifted the skirt near one of the bedposts to reveal a feature that he might have missed.
"Ya' sure did, Seymour."
She heard him tiptoe into the room behind her to see what she was looking at. When she turned around she could see his bespectacled eyes widen in surprise.
"Wheels."
With that Audrey stood up, planted a kiss on Seymour's cheek, and walked to the other side of the room and the bed opposite to him. "You got the otha' one?" she asked, bracing her body against the bed.
Seymour was still staring at the bedpost with a dazed look on his face, and she could tell that he was thinking several steps ahead of simply moving the bed. "D-dugh, yeah sure…"
Apart from the new carpet leaving a slightly sticky film on the wheels, pushing the beds together proved to be a snap. Looking across the makeshift king sized bed, Audrey saw Seymour twiddling his fingers. There was so much color in his cheeks that if they had still been working in that flower shop together she would have assumed he'd come down with a fever. Her wedding dress trailed over the side of the bed when she sat down on it, and with a simple kick, her shoes slipped off her feet.
She patted the spot next to her and Seymour followed, not looking her in the eye but rather at his fingers, which were still twiddling. When Audrey couldn't stand his fidgeting any longer she placed one of her hands over his, tracing small circles into the back of his palm to help calm him down. It seemed to work; he exhaled deeply and his blush faded to a more healthy complexion.
She leaned over then to share a soft kiss on the lips. Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, she deepened the kiss, but Seymour quickly pushed her away, gasping for air as, once again, his cheeks and ears turned red. Audrey found his reaction both adorable and sad, tracing her fingers over his hand once more as he desperately tried to catch his breath.
"Seymour?"
He looked at her, but was still unable to croak out any words.
"Try to rememba' it's… it's just me."
It was such a simple statement but it carried so much weight. Even before they were an item she had shared so much with Seymour. No other friend took her dream of living a quiet suburban life seriously. Meanwhile he had shown her so much about how to appreciate the smallest things in life, like how a warm lamp and some extra potting soil could be all an exotic plant needed to survive in a dim, cold Skid Row basement.
"Would it help if I start undressin' first?" she asked.
Seymour's eyes darted around behind his glasses, which she knew meant that he really had to think the idea over. He nodded, quickly, and she couldn't resist giving him another peck on the cheek before turning around and lifting her blonde bob, reaching the zipper on the back of her dress. It took her a few starts and stops to guide it down its track without snagging on the slip she wore beneath it, and being watched didn't help with her stray nerves. Loosened, the beaded front of her dress began to fall toward her lap. The lacy sleeves took her longer to slip out of, and she stole a glance at Seymour behind her. His expressions often conveyed more than his words could, and so she had learned over time to read them like a second language, but the one on his face at that moment was hard to describe. The closest match was when she'd catch him studying one of his plants, taking in every root and shoot for something that needed his handiwork.
As soon as Audrey had finished rolling up her sleeves, the dress's torso piece flopped over. She scrambled to catch it and in the process caught her ankle on a ruffle of her dress, which in turn made her rock back and forth on the bed as she tried to free herself. She had just gotten herself untangled when she heard Seymour chuckling behind her. That was a good sign.
Quickly, she stood up from the bed and shimmied out of the fluffy dress skirt, letting it fall to the floor in a big poofy heap. When she turned around she practically jumped back onto the beds, causing them to rattle and further reinforce that she was still Seymour's awkward best friend. His laughter became muffled when she reached for the first button on his suit, just below the tie.
"All right, mistah' comedian. Your turn."
Despite her best efforts to dissolve the tension between them Seymour had frozen in place by the time she began undoing each button. The padded shoulders on his suit began to sag before she got to the last one, and she reached to pull it over his head before he cleared his throat. She gave him a quizzical look before spying the problem: cufflinks. Luckily he didn't need her help with those, and soon enough he had his suit folded up neatly on the end of his bed.
Audrey found herself admiring Seymour in his white undershirt, despite the fact that it was no more revealing than the other button-ups he often wore at work. Knowing that working too fast on the buttons might upset him again she tried to take her time with them. That proved to be a tall order though, as each button removed revealed a little more of his bare chest. Seymour didn't have an athlete's body by any means, but his shoulders and forearms were more toned than his usual attire suggested. In fact, he looked rather strong for such a meek little guy. And while she had no strong opinion on body hair, she found his somewhat shaggy chest very soft against her fingertips. It matched the brown curls on the top of his head, which she found so much fun to play with.
"Audrey?" His shy voice interrupted her thoughts and her progress. She'd lost track of how many buttons she still had left to go.
"Yes?"
He placed a hand on her arm. "You okay? You're shaking."
"Huh?" She hadn't even noticed it, but her hands were indeed trembling. It was all the more apparent against Seymour's comparatively still arm, and she giggled. "I-I guess I thought that was you."
"No you didn't," he replied with a slight smirk and another chuckle, this time earning himself a playful swat on the arm.
She moved more quickly with the last few buttons, including the ones on his sleeves, both to finally get him out of his shirt and to make him stop laughing. If he got her started she wasn't sure if she would be able to stop. As soon as she'd pulled the button-up off, she kissed Seymour's lips quickly and held onto his bare shoulders, which in turn pulled him more tightly against her. Their hearts hammered, almost in time, and their combined heavy breathing was nearly suffocating.
She didn't even think about how it was her turn to take something off as she reached for Seymour's belt buckle. Unfortunately, that was a bit too much for him to take so suddenly, and he pushed her away again to catch his breath, looking down at the duvet sets beneath them. She stared at him as he began breathing in and out more deeply, captivated by what she could see and intrigued by what she couldn't. Once Seymour had regained some composure, he looked up at her and flashed a goofy smile. Usually she was a sucker for his smiles, but she could tell this one was forced.
She understood what was on his mind right away. Even with the amount of experience she had in the bedroom compared to Seymour, "the big reveal" never made her feel good about herself. Often she felt vulnerable, and if the guy had been a real creep he would give her reason to be. She could tell her sweet little guy over and over again that she wanted to know what he looked like under his work clothes, but he almost certainly wouldn't feel the same way about his own body.
"I've got an idea," she piped. "You go on your side a' the bed. I'll take the otha'. We can turn around, finish undressin' and turn back around after a count a' three. That way, no one has to feel embarrassed in front a' the other first."
Seymour scratched the back of his neck again, not fully convinced. "-And what if we don't want to turn around?"
She shrugged. "I've got my nightie packed. We've had a long day and no one's makin' us do this."
"But… wouldn't I be letting my wife down on our wedding night?"
He had called her his wife. He had called her his wife! Audrey felt like she could fly around the room just from hearing those two words. All sensory information from outside of her mind quickly became distant, but she could tell just from the look on Seymour's face that her smile was one of the biggest she'd ever made. Even as he called her name a few times to get her to answer, it took her a while to come back to planet earth, let alone to come back to their bedroom. By the time she returned from orbit he was holding her face in his hands.
"Audrey? Talk to me, Audrey!"
She hummed, still wrapped up in the realization that her dream was now a reality. Whatever would come next, she truly didn't care. All she wanted to do was kiss Seymour until he understood a fraction of how wonderful she felt in that moment, but he needed her to say something.
"Seymour sweetheart, you could neva' disappoint me."
"-You mean it?"
"-Sure." It was her usual short response, but she hoped it was a sincere enough proclamation.
He exhaled deeply once more and stood up from his bed. "Okay… I'll try." She watched him turn around to face the wall in front of him and begin fidgeting with his belt before he turned his head back around."-No peeking!"
Stifling a giggle, she turned around as well. "-Sorry, darling."
In truth, Audrey was somewhat relieved to be taking care of undressing herself, considering that Seymour had no experience with pantyhose or bras, or their removal. Just as she'd removed her underwear she heard the rasp of a zipper and the clink of his belt buckle hitting the floor behind her. She swallowed involuntarily, and reminded herself that she had just promised Seymour that they had no obligations that night. Once she could hear no more shuffling of fabric from behind her, she spoke up.
"I'm ready, Seymour."
The pause between her statement and his answer seemed to last an eternity. "Me too."
"So… count a' three?"
"Okay… Can you start?"
"-Sure!" The reply popped out of her mouth so fast that she hoped it didn't sound desperate. "One…"
"T-two…"
"-Three." She turned around but kept her eyes closed, just in case he changed his mind at the last minute.
"I'm gonna open my eyes now, Seymour."
His teeth chattered slightly, and she wondered if it was from the December chill that was settling in outside, his nerves, or some combination of the two. "M-me too."
She blinked before fully opening her eyes. There was Seymour, his puppy dog eyes betraying just how absolutely overwhelmed he was looking at a naked person while also being naked in front of them at the same time. He hadn't fully faced her when they'd turned around, but she quite enjoyed the view all the same. When she got a peek "around the corner" so to speak, a high pitched laugh escaped from her throat. She was so filled with joy and surprise that she just couldn't help herself. However, her reaction clearly hadn't translated well on Seymour's end of things. He crouched behind the bed, hiding himself from her as she tried to contain her laughter.
Calling out his name, she scrambled over to his side of the room and sat on the bed. She would have reached for one of his hands if he wasn't already using them to cover his body. She so badly wanted to stop the giggles that were still squeezing out of her windpipe, but even as she placed one of her hands on his shoulder she just couldn't stop.
"Aw Seymour," she sighed between another round of laughs, "Y-you know how I laugh when I'm excited sometimes. I just couldn't hold it back t'day. I'm tryin' to say… I like what I see."
Seymour slowly lifted his head up and his shoulders loosened from the tight hunch he'd been holding them in. He started to shake and Audrey was about to ask if he was all right before she heard the unmistakable sounds of his laughter. Even before he turned back around to look at her, her own laughter had started up again. As soon as she saw his grin, her eyes filled with joyful tears and her lungs began to beg for air, and all the while Seymour laughed just as fully and heartily as she did. Audrey could recall a few times when they'd gotten swept up in a fit of giggles just passing the long, dull days away while working together. She couldn't recall anything making them laugh quite like this moment, however. Just a minute before they'd talked about the possibility of changing into pajamas and calling it a night… and that was hilarious! She rolled over onto her side and held a hand over her abdomen to stifle the laugh-induced cramp that was setting in.
She didn't even notice that Seymour had settled next to her until he was close enough for her to feel his warm breath on the sensitive skin of her neck. Just like her, he was struggling through (by then quieter) laughs, and she tried to focus on his cute face as she caught her breath. They lay there side by side, just reveling in each other for a time. Audrey tried to log the moment into her mental scrapbook. Even when Seymour's eyes drifted over her form, which normally would have made her feel self conscious, she didn't want to be anywhere else. He was studying her again, and she felt strangely exhilarated being in the place of one of his plants.
"You're so beautiful, Audrey."
Audrey couldn't help but shudder when he said those words. Up until that moment, "beautiful" was just something men had said to get into girl's skirts, but Seymour was so sincere that she actually believed it. She was Audrey Krelborn -his wife- and she was beautiful.
"Aw Seymour," she cooed, "I think you're beautiful too." And she meant it. She had always loved the person that he was on the inside but she was quickly falling in love with his body as well. She wiggled closer to him, placing her hand once more over his beating heart before kissing his lips, which steadily built into a chain of shared, sloppy kisses.
Time seemed to pass so slowly. Even if they'd placed a clock in the room Audrey wouldn't have wanted to look at it. Aside from how good she felt, the weight of what she and Seymour were about to do had fully sunken in. They would never be able to go back to simply being best friends. Those lonely Skid Row nights would finally be over but they would take a sense of familiarity, bordering on a sense of comfort, with them.
At last, Seymour spoke up. "Audrey, I think I'm ready t-to…" He looked between them, at the part of himself that needed to cross a new threshold and fully close the distance between his body and her own. "A-are you ready, Audrey?"
She thought about that for a moment, wondering if she would ever fully be ready to take this next step with him. Smiling, she rolled over onto her back, and simultaneously pulled him over her body like some kind of big, lumpy blanket. Despite his usual charming awkwardness with how he desperately tried to line up his body with hers, she still tensed at the uncharted territory they were crossing together. At the same time, she internally berated herself over her anxieties. Considering just how recently they'd overcome a sadistic dentist, the "not father" who had exploited Seymour for his whole life, and a carnivorous alien plant hellbent on world domination, they'd been through a lot of frightening things together. Yet this was what she was so nervous about?
"Audrey, I…" Seymour stopped talking as quickly as he started, and she wondered if he had actually meant to say anything in the first place. Regardless, she looked deeply into his eyes, and in them she could see the vulnerability underlying his love for her. Just like her, there was a part of him that was afraid to fully overcome the barrier that always stood between them. At that moment, she remembered that she was finally home, and while her body was as vulnerable as it could possibly be, she was safe with him. They both were safe together.
"I'm ready, Seymour."
Seymour gulped audibly, and she was surprised that he didn't outright swallow his Adam's apple…
Audrey reveled in slowly drifting back down to planet Earth, feeling the blankets cushion her fall from the weightless, boundless galaxy of their sweet lovemaking like a big fluffy rain cloud. She felt so elated, so utterly happy…
Until the twin beds came apart, sending Seymour falling between the two with a loud thump. She opened her eyes to see him poking his head up from the canyon of blankets and mattress pads. True to form as always.
The cramp-inducing laughter returned, sweeping both Seymour and Audrey up until they gasped for air. Audrey couldn't have pictured a better ending to what they'd just shared. Just like the man she was going to spend the rest of her life with, it was so delightfully earnest and awkward. She practically had to drag herself to the end of the bed from the laughter that had taken such a tight hold on her. Seymour sat where he'd landed on the floor, half covered in sheets with a pillow in his lap as he, too, tried to contain his laughter.
"So…" he started, letting out another chortle inbetween, "-Y-you liked it?"
"Did I like it?" The words came out almost as a squeal, but she just couldn't keep a straight face. "I loved it. Really, really I did!" Seymour's face seemed to light up as she enthused. "Are ya sure you've neva' done this before?"
He blushed, but a smirk hid just underneath it. "Well, I may have asked those, uh, urchin girls if they had some advice on how to make a girl feel good… Not gonna lie, it was an awkward talk."
Audrey shook her head before pulling him into yet another kiss. "You really are a peculia' guy, Seymour. But I like it."
Seymour let out another chuckle between kisses. "Well, next time let's make sure to put the brakes on those wheels."
"Good idea."
Audrey rolled to her side, watching her husband as he slowly rose up from the "Grand Krelborn Canyon." She was just about to stand up from her spot to help him move the beds back together before she laid her eyes on yet another surprise of their still early wedding night.
"Seymour… already?"
He glanced down at himself and the feature that had her so surprised before giving her possibly the cheekiest smile she'd ever seen.
Audrey just shook her head, finding herself barely able to move due to the combination of feelings still coursing through her. She finally was home, starting the rest of her life with the person she loved the most, and her new life was already full of so many surprises. The words that popped into her head stayed unspoken, but she just knew she would never forget them so long as they both lived:
"Best honeymoon ever."
