Lennifred "Leni" Marie Loud, named for a distant simpleton ancestor who took a wrong turn while looking for the bathroom on the Mayflower and fell overboard, was, like, scared of…that thing. You know the one, where you have to make a choice and live with it? Committal? Committee? Uh, it was something like that. Though she wasn't quite the total airhead her family and friends thought she was, she knew she was kind of a ditz, and that made her reluctant to make big decisions. You wouldn't trust a ditz to fly your airplane, would you? You wouldn't trust Dr. Derpy with your baby's open heart surgery, right? So why should Leni trust Leni to commit?

Oooh, that was the word. Commitment. She was afraid of commitment. Her parents had always stressed to her that once you start something, you totes have to finish it. Like with many things, she took that literally. She ate tiny amounts of food at a time so that she didn't have a plateful of leftovers, only bought the materials that she needed for any given project (no leftovers even though she'd totes use them eventually), and had yet to have a real boyfriend. She had liked tons of guys over the years, but she always balked at taking the plunge. What if she messed up? What if the guy she picked was mean or something? Getting a boyfriend was a big deal and she frankly didn't trust herself enough to do it.

For that reason, she never went farther than flirting and crushing. She would meet a guy, fall head over heels for him, and then…nothing. They might hang out and spend time together, but it never went anywhere, and sooner or later, one of them would lose interest in the other and that would be that. It was a self-repeating cycle that she had been through a thousand times since fifth grade, when little Billy Herman asked her to the Valentine's Day dance. She wanted to find a great guy and go all the way (into relationship territory and into the bedroom winky wink), but she was beginning to think that she never would.

Sigh.

Better that than making some horrible mistake and winding up a battered teenage mom whose boyfriend turned out to be nothing like she thought he was. She had seen that kind of thing happen on TV and she was terrified that if she ever let herself get swept off her feet, it would happen to her too.

It wasn't so bad, she guessed. She didn't, like, feel lonely or anything like that. She wanted a boyfriend and her body wanted to…well, you know…get touched, but it wasn't a big deal or anything. The way Lori talked about sex and stuff, she made it sound like having to pee really bad. You know when your bladder's full and you have to press your knees together to keep from going all down your legs? That's how a lot of people she knew acted about, like, sexual desire and stuff. Like it was some uncontrollable itch that drove them crazy until they scratched it. Maybe it was due to her derpiness, but Leni wasn't like that. Oh, she had longings she sometimes did things to herself (like getting hot and heavy with the handle of her favorite brush while pinching her nipples through her nightgown), but she could survive without it.

Luckily, she had a lot of things to distract her. Like bigger worries. The one thing Leni loved most was fashion. She had known since she was a little girl that she wanted to design cute dresses and handbags. Some girls, like Lola for instance, want to be models; they want the spotlight and the attention and all that other stuff. But not Leni. She was perfectly happy to stay behind the scenes and let her designs - her artwork - do the talking. And that's what it was all about, wasn't it? People came to fashion shows for the clothes, not the models. She didn't care how attractive a model was, if you put them in stuff from Wal-Mart, no one would come to those fashion shows.

As much as she loved designing and knew in her heart that she wanted to do it, she was just as afraid of committing to it as she was to a boy. What if she failed? What if she spent her entire life, and her college, on a trade that never worked out? There wasn't much you could do with a degree from a fashion school. If you didn't make it through the tiny little window into that relatively small industry, you were out of luck. Maybe she should get a more versatile degree.

Or maybe not. Again, maybe it was because she was a derp, just like that long ago ancestor who fell off the Mayflower and drowned, but if she didn't really love something, she wasn't any good at it. At all. It was like being retarded or something. It could be the most simple thing in the world, like boiling water, and you could explain it to her in painstaking detail, but if her heart wasn't in it, her brain couldn't compute it. Everything would get all jumbled up and she'd get frustrated.

Fashion design was the only thing she loved, and thus was the only thing she could do. If she tried anything else, she was sure to fail. Therefore, she was pretty much stuck with fashion design, for better or worse.

Sigh again.

See, these were the things she thought of more than boys. Compared to that, she didn't think of boys at all.

She thought about that a lot more than she did boys.

But then she went to Scotland and met Scott, and everything changed. Tall, slim, and cute with brown hair and chocolate eyes that sparkled in the light of the sun, Scott was kind, sweet, and gentle, all the things she really wanted in a boy. Being with him, she felt comfortable. She might not trust herself on most things, but finally, at long last, she trusted herself on this. She wasn't the world's best judge of character, but you can't fake being that kind and considerate.

She met him by accident on her and her family's vacation to their ancestral homeland and was endlessly amused that his name was Soctt. Since they were in Scot-Land. LOL it was funny…at least to her. No one else seemed to think so, not even Luan, who was the world's biggest fan of dumb humor.

He was one of the few people actually named Scott that Leni met, and there was something deeply significant in that. Sure, she was half joking about the whole Scot-Land thing, but it seemed…like…what's that word? Serendipitous? Yeah, that was it. It was serendipitous that she should meet him. Like a sign from heaven or something. It was even more of a sign that they kept bumping into each other during the vacation. Randomly meeting someone once was one thing, but they kept crossing paths again and again. The first time, she was intrigued. The second time, she was smitten. The third time, she felt all tingly inside and didn't want him to go. It was a progression, with every meeting leaving her head just a little closer to her heels. One of the times they met was in a public house where her family was having breakfast one morning a few days before they were set to go back to America. It was a small, crowded place with suits of armor standing in the corners and ancient, moth eaten tapestries on the walls; the food was inexpensive and everyone seemed to know everyone else. It was off the beaten path enough that Leni and her family were the only tourists there, everyone else being locals.

The Louds came in, all wearing kilts and chattering excitedly about everything they'd learned of their family lineage, and sat at three big tables shoved together. Several servers came out to take their orders, and one of them was Scott. He smiled and greeted Leni, and her cheeks blushed a deep shade of red; by that point, she outright liked him, and when she liked somebody, she always felt giddy and nervous around them. She was surprisingly good at not showing it, but you could totally tell if you knew what to look for.

Lori, ever astute and observant, picked up on it, and as soon as Scott was gone, she half-lidded her eyes and leaned in. "So," she said, "how about that Scott?"

"What about him?" Leni asked. She knew what Lori meant, she was just playing dumb. She did that a lot. Owing to her reputation, it worked more often than not. Lori of all people, however, was able to see through her ruse.

"He's cute," Lori said.

"Kind of," Leni admitted.

"You should sleep with him."

Leni was shocked into an embarrassed laugh. "Lori," she said in an admonishing whisper.

"Well, you should," Lori replied with a shrug. "He's cute. Plus, when you meet a guy on vacation, you don't have to make any big commitments."

Being only a year apart in age, Leni and Lori had always been close, but as sisters and as people. That's to say: They had always shared a room and had always been in close proximity to one another. Because of that, they shared a stronger bond than they did with anyone else in their family; you don't live in the same room as another person for fifteen or so years and not get close to them. Lori was the only one Leni had expressed her fear of commitment to. Everyone else was completely in the dark.

So really, who's the dumb one here?

"I guess," Leni reluctantly admitted. She was agreeing with the idea that you don't have to commit to someone you meet on vacation, not to sleeping with him. He was cute and she liked him, but still, she barely knew him. Maybe Lori could jump in the sack with someone she hardly knew - and that was a big maybe - but Leni couldn;t. That's not the kind of person she was: When she fantasized about sex, it was always with someone she knew, trusted, and felt comfortable with, not with some random guy whose last name she didn't even know. Sex, to her, was just as much about intimacy as it was passion, maybe even more so, and you can't be intimate with someone you just met.

Even if he was really cute.

The very last time she met Scott, it was the day before she and her family were set to leave and go back to Michigan. Lori's advice bounced through her mind like the DVD screensaver and she went back to her assertion that you can't be with someone without knowing them. She decided right then and there that she really liked Scott and that just this once, she was willing to trust herself to make the right decision.

They met in the little village near Loch Loud quite by chance. They bumped into each other - literally - and Leni's sense of serendipity was tripped for the umpteenth time. It was like someone upstairs was trying to tell her something.

For hours thereafter, they walked the hilly cobblestone streets of the village and along the grassy shores of Loch Loud talking. By the time they parted ways for what might be the last time, Leni was in love and absolutely crackling with excitement. For the rest of the evening, she talked about nothing but Scott, which wasn't like her. She usually kept her crushes to herself because, aside from Lori, talking to her family about boys that she liked felt kind of weird.

"You seem to really like this boy," Mom commented. They were at the table in the vaulted dining hall of Loch Loud. Torches jutting from the chilly stone walls cast a flickering glow across the gathered faces and a cold draft moaned in the darkened corridors surrounding the room like ancient ghosts.

"He's really great," Leni said.

"Did you get his number?" Lori asked.

Leni bobbed her head up and down. "Yep. We've been texting off and on for -"

As if on cue, her cell phone buzzed, and she gave a little jump slash squee combination, her voice rolling and echoing through the castle. "That's him now," she said. She pulled the phone out, plastered her tongue to her upper lip like a woman settling in to solve a series of ultra complicated math equations, and blazed her thumbs across the keyboard.

"Well, that's nice," Rita said, "I was wondering when you were going to meet someone."

Before Lori could reply, Luna jumped in. "She still hasn't. I mean, c'mon, talk about long distance relationships. Those things never work out, just look at Lori and Bobby."

Bobby, Lori's boyfriend, moved to the city last year. Before that, he and Lori were the preeminent power couple of Royal Woods. Six months after, however, they were broken up and both seeing other people. "It's too hard being away from him," Lori confided in her, "I need someone here."

Their relationship fell apart…and they were only a few hours apart. Scott would be thousands of miles away…plus, they didn't even have a relationship yet. Lori and Bobby went into the separation as a confirmed and loving couple. If they couldn't make it, what chance did Leni and Scott stand?

None. They stood no chance.

Or no chance, rather.

Now she was sad.

She didn't stay sad for long, though. After returning to America, she and Scott texted and video chatted every single day. Three weeks after they began their online affair (if you wanted to call it that), Scott mentioned wanting to visit America soon. His family wasn't exactly wealthy but they had money and he had traveled alone all across Europe before, backpacking in the Alps, walking along the Italian coast, and staying in hostels on the outskirts of Paris and Bern. "I haven't seen the states yet but I'd love to, it's so beautiful in pictures."

"You should come to Royal Woods," Leni said, "I can show you around."

"That would be lovely," Scott said.

They put their heads together and came up with a plan to get Scott to America the following month. It really wasn't much of a "plan" per se, since all he had to do was fly directly into Detroit, but that was the idea anyway. The hardest part was getting their parents to agree. Scott's mom and dad were pretty liberal and didn't mind letting him go out on his own, but it was different this time because America was so far away. When Leni brought the idea of Scott coming to Royal Woods - and staying with them - to her mother, Mom hesitated. "I don't know about that," she said. "You should take it slow and really get to know this boy."

"I do know him, Mom," Leni begged, "he's really great and amazing and I really, really like him."

Mom pursed her lips in thought. "Well…I don't know. That's an awfully big decision. I would like to meet him. Just so I can make sure he's the right fit for you."

That was something Mom did to every potential love interest one of her children brought around. She met with them, talked to them, asked them questions, and decided whether or not they were good enough. She did it with Bobby, Ronnie Anne, Benny, Sam, Rocky, Skippy, David, and would do it with anyone else in the future. She had never done it with Leni because Leni didn't usually bring her crushes home, since she rarely ever acted on them, but she did grill Chaz the first time he, Becky, and Dana came over. Leni did, in fact, have a crush on Chaz at the time, but Mom didn't know that. She just assumed…which she was always doing. It didn't matter that this one time, she happened to be totally, completely, 100 percent right.

"So can he come?" Leni asked hopefully. "Please?"

Mom mulled her question over for a long time before finally giving a sigh. "Yes, he can come."

Leni made a high pitched noise of happiness and clapped her hands together. Right then and there, she took out her phone and texted Scott with the good news. "That's great," he replied. "I just talked my parents into letting me come. Can we talk tonight?"

Of course they could!

After dinner, Leni hurried back to her room, sat cross-legged on her bed, and balanced her Chromebook in her lap. She put in a video call to Scott and smiled when he appeared on screen. "Hey," he said.

"Hi," she replied.

"I just got my ticket online," he said. "I leave at 7am on the fifth."

That was only a week away.

A pit opened in Leni's stomach. She was both excited and afraid. Mom was right about this being a big decision. Maybe she wasn't qualified to make it after all.

Eh, she had Mom to back her up. It was a little extra of Mom to be this way but she was much older and wiser than Leni, and Leni trusted her judgment entirely.

For the next week, time passed in a slow, suspenseful crawl, every hour stretching out into entire days and days lasting a lifetime. Finally, the big day arrived and Leni was sick to her stomach with nerves. She and Mom met Scott at the airport. He shook Mom's hand, then, being a formal Scotsman or something, kissed it. Mom blushed and giggled like a girl. "Come on," Leni said and grabbed his hand, "first stop is Burpin Burger."

Scott had never had Burpin Burger before and wound up really liking it. They stopped for ice cream and then walked around the park with Mom, who asked him tons of questions. At last, they got back to the house, where Dad had set up a little guest room in the basement,

Too bad, Leni thought. He could have slept in her bed.

Winky wink.


For two days, Rite closely observed the boy her daughter had brought home.

She hated to say this, but Leni wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, and Rita had always worried that she would be easily manipulated and taken advantage of by boys. She was extra wary, then, and kept her eye on Scott. She expected him to be a little punk who was after one thing and one thing only, but instead, she found him to be sweet, charming, and gentle. He reminded her a lot of her own son, Lincoln. She knew she was biased like any mother, but Lincoln really was a good boy, and any girl that he wound up liking should count herself lucky. Scott was much the same way, and the more Rita watched him, the more she liked him.

Not only was he a good boy..he was very handsome.

Of course, that was only a superficial observation. You really can't know everything about a person just by watching them from afar, If you tried, you'd wind up thinking that the guy who dressed like a clown for sick kids in the hospital was a saint, meanwhile he has 33 bodies buried in his crawl space. No, that's not an exaggeration either. Look up John Wayne Gacy. Also Ted Bundy. Bundy was handsome, outgoing, and popular, but deep inside, he was a psycho. See, the reason Rita worried about Leni was not that she believed Leni would fall for the most obvious lie, no, it was because some of the liars out there are really, really good at it. Anyone could be fooled or misled by someone like John Wayne Gacy or Ted Bundy. Add Leni's naivety and gullibility to that, and you have yourselves the making of a first class victim.

Not on her watch. She was fiercely protective of her children and refused to allow them to be taken advantage of. She wanted to make extra sure that Scott was worthy of dating…and eventually "being with"...her daughter, and she couldn't be sure if he was good enough without testing him.

So with that in mind, she began putting together a masterplan to find out whether or not he was worthy for Leni.

She devised a number of minor tests to see what kind of person he was, recruiting her son and several of her daughters to play a part. She had Lincon ask him to play video games with him, then watched how they interacted. Scott was patient and gracious even when Lincoln - on her orders - got upset at losing. Luan pulled him aside to listen to her newest comedy routine, which Rita asked her to make extra "good." Which meant, bless Luan's heart, that it would be full of the most tired puns and unfunny observational humor one could muster. Scott never once looked annoyed or put upon, and clapped uproariously on several occasions, humoring the budding comedian just as well as, if not better than, everyone else. Luna immediately stepped in and played a set of discordant rock covers sure to make even the most tone deaf ears shoot blood. Scott reacted wonderfully and encouraged Luna as though she had every inch of talent she believed she did. Lola asked him to read her a book and he did, even doing the voices. His accent was pleasant and melodic, and standing just outside the door, listening to how well he interacted with the little girl, Rita felt herself dampen a little.

The final test came several days before he was set to fly back to Scotland. She and Lynn had planned a trip to Dairyland so that their foregin guest could experience the joys and pleasures of the Most Pasteurized Place on Earth, but at the last minute - the evening before they were set to leave - Rita suddenly remembered that she had things to do around the house. "I wouldn't ask anyone to not go," she announced at the dinner table, "but I could really use a strong set of hands."

She looked around the table. No one volunteered and wouldn't have even if she hadn't gone to them one by one and asked them not to. The only ones she didn't ask were Scott and Leni.

As she hoped - and half expected - Scott stepped up and offered to stay back to help.

Rita expressed her endless gratitude and promised that "The next time you come, we'll spend the whole weekend there."

The next morning, Lynn and the kids were up before the sunrise. Their plan was to get there, spend the day there, and then come back. They would be back around 10pm if traffic was light. That gave Rita ample time to administer her final "test."

Dressed in a pink silken robe and slippers, she saw Lynn and the kids off, waving from the driveway until Vanzilla's red taillights dwindled in the pre-dawn darkness, then went back inside, where Scott sat in the armchair. "We'll get started in a bit," Rita said. She went into the kitchen and poured them each a glass of Ginger Ale. She brought the glasses into the living room and sat down on the couch. "Thank you," Scott said and took his glass. He took a long sip and gave a long, satiated sigh like a man in a beer commercial. "That's very good."

"Leni says that's your favorite drink," Rita said.

"It is," Scott said.

"You know," Rita said, "Leni is a very special girl and she means a lot to me."

"She is very special," Scott agreed.

"She likes you very much."

Scott blushed deeply. "I like her as well," he admitted.

"I'm glad," Rita said, "you're a very nice boy. In fact, you're the exact kind of boy I always hoped she would meet,"

The boy's blush deepened. "Thank you," he said awkwardly.

Rita got to her feet and went to him, rolling her ample hips. She had pulled her robe down over her shoulders and open just enough to show off her cleavage. She wore nothing underneath. She cocked her hips and put her hands on them, wearing a seductive smile. Scott blished even harder and squirmed in his seat. "Uh, Mrs. Loud?"

"Please," Rita said alluringly, "call me Rita."

Scott swallowed. "Rita."

She took the boy's hand, pulled him to his feet, and sat in the chair, dragging him into her lap. She circled one arm around his shoulders and slowly rubbed his inner thigh. "I want to be sure that you're the…right fit." She grazed her hand over his crotch and he went rigid. She could feel him throbbing and getting hard under her touch, and her heart began to slam. "I'm going to teach you how to please a woman," she whispered into his ear, "so you know what to do with Leni. Does that sound nice?"

Scott nodded stiffly. "Yes," he said. His voice broke cutely and Rita smiled. She pulled her robe open a little more, grabbed his hand, and guided it to her breast. His hand trembled as he cupped one in his hand; her nipple pressed insistently against his palm, and a little shiver streaked down Rita's spine.

"Don't be shy," she said, "I like it rough."

Scott stroked her nipple with his fingers and Rita bit her bottom lip. She clutched his crotch and brushed her thumb over the outline of his bulge. She pressed her lips to his neck and wrapped them around his pounding pulse. She opened her robe all the way with her free hand and revealed her nakedness. She led his hand down her stomach to the junction of her thighs and rocked her hips a little. "Touch me," she whispered into his ear.

He dipped his fingers between her love swollen lips and explored her wet, sticky middle with boyish curiosity. She showed him the way to her clit and instructed him on how to touch and tease it. By trial and error, he got Rita to her peak: She clutched him to her breast and vigorously humped his hand, her sweaty hair veiling her face and her massive breasts quivering in anticipation. She huffed, puffed, and whispered words of encouragement to Scott like a teacher pleased with the progress of her star pupil. Finally, her orgasm broke over her like a bomb blast and she bucked uncontrollably.

Scott stared at her with red cheeks and wide eyes, his dick making a massive tent in his jeans. Rita got up, bent over him, and ran her tongue slowly and sensually along his earlobe. "Let's go upstairs," she said.

She pulled Scott to his feet, took him by the hand, and led him up the stairs, casting sexy glances back over her shoulder. In the bedroom, she threw her robe off and shoved him back onto her marriage bed. She mounted him, laid her hands on his shoulders, and pinned him to the bed. She ran her naked middle over his denim clad bulge and almost came again before stopping herself. She got off, pulled his pants and underwear down. His fat cock popped out and she smiled at it as she stroked it. She pressed her lips to it and took the head of it into her mouth. Next, she got on top of him, held it in place, and sank herself onto it. Just as soon as it penetrated her, she raised her hips and let him plop out of her. "Now you're not a virgin," she remarked pleased. She got on her hands and knees and stuck her butt into the air. "So fuck me hard, like a man."

Scott caught his breath, then got to his knees behind her. He gripped her hips and poked and prodded in search of her hole. When he found it, Rita gasped. "You're there," she said. "Just push."

Gripping her love handles, he thrusted deeply into her middle and she gasped. He was so big that he strained against her walls and stretched her pelvis to the point that she felt like she was going to split down the middle like a wishbone. Scott panted and took deep breaths. He went slow at first, but over time, as he got used to the moist nirvana of her body, he went faster and faster. His balls slapped against her clit and his curved head raked her inner walls. Every so often, his head mashed against her cervix and her mind scrambled with a mixture of pain and pleasure. She grabbed two handfuls of the blanket, bowed her head, and threw herself back into each one of Scott's forward thrusts.

"Slap my ass and pull my hair," she said.

Scott grabbed her hair in one hand and yanked back so hard that tears brimmed in her eyes. He brought the flat end of his other hand down hard across her ass with a resounding sound. Ripples of pleasure spread through Rita's pussy and her climax began to swell inside of her. "Harder," she said, "faster."

Now Scott was slamming into her, his dick smashing her limit and his fingers digging roughly into her hips. "You're riding my G-Spot," she moaned.

Scott went faster still before his dick finally swelled to twice its normal size. Finally, he came and his hot cum filled her womb, knocking her into her own orgasm. When it was over, they laid down and Rita held him in her arms. "You have to be gentler with Leni than with me," she said. "I'll show you how."

"I'd like that," Scott said.

She placed wet kisses on his chest and stroked his cock until it was rock hard again. "So will I," she said.

In the eight hours before Lynn and the kids got back, she taught him everything he needed to know about pleasuring a woman. That night, from the moans drifting from Leni's room, he put it to good use.

Rita was going to like having Scott as a son in law.