The entire morning of the next day, Kanda was restless.

It was a Thursday but Kanda had been employing the weekend version of his morning routine every day since his suspension started.

The main difference was really more exercise.

He extended his workout even more than usual, had a frustration-filled jerk-off session in the shower and. And then he wasn't really sure what to do next.

He would try to start doing something – both things he needed to take care of and things he normally enjoyed. But most ended up getting abandoned midway since nothing was exactly urgent. He was unable to stay focused at all.

Around one, a text from Allen came in.

[Beansprout: Morning, Kanda :) I think you left your gloves at my place.]

Kanda didn't see it immediately. It took maybe half an hour before he got around to it because he had just managed to get semi-invested in a TV program. He spotted the text during a set of commercials.

Clearly, beansprout was being an idiot.

Kanda answered without hesitation I didn't have gloves. You need a better excuse to text, beansprout. Then, as an afterthought, Kanda also sent One is not morning anymore.

[Beansprout: Are you sure you didn't have gloves? I really did find a pair I don't recognize.]

Someone else sounds bored, Kanda thought, not discontentedly. Something told him that the word he was looking for wasn't really 'bored' but he ignored that inkling.

As if to further confirm Kanda was right, and also further reinforce his blatant bluff, Allen sent him a picture of fingerless leather gloves together with another text.

[Beansprout: They look sexy. Just thought they might be yours :)]

Kanda almost threw his phone away. The bastard was thinking he was being so slick! It was unbearable.

He considered leaving the texts without a response but at the end sent Not bad but not mine. You should work on your pickup lines, beansprout.

[Beansprout: Should I? :)] A multi-layered question.

[You: What the hell is that supposed to mean?]

[You: Stop with those smiley faces, they're annoying.]

[Beansprout: You mean like this one? :)]

[Beansprout: Maybe you should help me practice my pick-up lines ;) Unless I should go do that somewhere else :)))]

[You: They won't work just the same wherever you go.]

[You: It's starting to look like you need someone to fix your face.]

[Beansprout: Hahah!]

[Beansprout: Maybe it could be you! I wonder what could help.]

Kanda didn't answer so quickly this time, too busy imagining a certain part of his body doing the job. But Allen seemed to have misinterpreted his silence. He sent another message, abruptly changing the tone.

[Beansprout: To be honest, I'm about to help Jeryy pack up for his way back home. I'm waiting for him to close up his bags. He looks like he's almost done though.]

The next message followed quickly, too.

[Beansprout: I just thought about you and figured I could wish you good holidays, if you'll be celebrating anything :)]

[You: The xmas shitshow is only starting tomorrow, beansprout.]

[Beansprout: I know. But I might forget later. I don't think I'll be celebrating much this year.]

[You: Me neither. Do you need to? It's a shitty holiday anyway.]

It took a while before Allen answered. When he did, it was just 'I don't mind it most of the time', with no follow-up to it.

It felt… off.

[You: We already played santa for old people. Do you have a need to go sing carols or something?]

[Beansprout: Haha. Not really.]

Kanda didn't really mean it as a joke. He meant it more as a 'I can go watch you make an idiot of yourself if you want' kind of invitation. But it was too late to make himself clear, after that reply.

[Beansprout: Jeryy is calling me over, talk to you later. :)]

The exchange definitely didn't leave Kanda feeling very accomplished.

He noticed that he also had texts from Lavi and Lenalee, waiting for him since the morning.

He chose to answer them, since he was already being so chatty. He quickly got really annoyed by both of them though so he announced that he was going to go back to ignoring them.

He also went back to trying to occupy himself with something but wasn't very successful.

On the 24th of December, Kanda woke up late by his standards.

It must have been because of the way he couldn't fall asleep the night before.

He still followed his routine but somehow it was one hour later than it should have been by the time he was done with everything.

Kanda kept checking his phone but no messages from Allen came even until noon.

At first, Kanda told himself that he was probably just still sleeping – as fitting for a person who said 'good morning' at one p.m. and wasn't 'good at keeping track of time'.

When there was still no word from Allen by two, Kanda was starting to consider messaging him first.

Eventually, he caved in with Are you off somewhere singing carols yet, beansprout?

[Beansprout: No. I'm just at the squat.]

[Beansprout: And you?]

[You: Are you asking me if I'm singing carols? Take a wild guess.]

[You: I told you I won't be celebrating.]

[Beansprout: Yeah but you must be at least watching some Christmas broadcasts, otherwise you wouldn't think to ask me.]

Kanda was doing no such thing.

[You: I'm not. I don't care. About the stupid holiday.]

Allen didn't get what he was trying to tell him.

[Beansprout: Yeah. I got that already.]

Allen didn't send anything more.

Kanda thought it was definitely weird that Allen wasn't even picking on him for messaging him about a holiday Kanda supposedly didn't like. That was how it should have went in case Allen couldn't read between the lines.

Kanda really didn't care about Christmas. But he was starting to care about Allen.

And how he was imagining Allen right then was alone at the squat. Maybe sitting in front of the small TV Kanda saw in the living room there and watching 'Christmas broadcasts', however the fuck were those even meant to look like. Was he watching that and getting all unhappy about having no one to celebrate with?

Kanda couldn't get the image of Allen like that, texting him, out of his head.

Kanda's fingers were already typing.

[You: Will you get lost if I give you my address?]

Kanda hit sent and immediately winced for three reasons. Firstly, he didn't give himself time to really consider what kind of offer he was making. Secondly, he felt like his unfortunate wording might not just slide. Thirdly, even without specifics like the building and apartment number, Allen already knew where he lived and got here successfully before. Though Kanda tried not to think how long that could have taken him.

[Beansprout: What?]

Fuck, Kanda thought as a long pause followed.

[Beansprout: As in, will I stop bothering you about Christmas if you give me your address? Do you want me to send you a gift?]

[Beansprout: Also, you're the one who started it today.]

[You: Lost on the way.]

Another long silence from both sides followed Kanda's correction.

Eventually, Allen broke it.

[Beansprout: Oh.]

Kanda tried to stay patient and wait for more but it was taking a really long fucking time.

Kanda clicked his tongue and called him.

"H-hello?"

"I'm not talking to you with fucking texts anymore. Do you want to come over or not."

"I. Yeah. I want to—" The breathless sound of his voice made Kanda feel a very particular kind of warm. The way Allen left the sentence hanging didn't exactly sound suggestive though so Kanda waited for more words to follow, imagination running wild either way. "But I don't have my car. Jeryy went home with it."

"I can come pick you up." Kanda just happened to be in his kitchen so he glanced at the digital clock on the stove. "At six?" That would give them a little over one hour.

"Yes. Okay."

Kanda kind of wondered if Allen was sitting. Because, just by the way he sounded, it seemed like he should be.

Kanda wanted to hear more of that voice.

Suddenly, Allen laughed. It was short but potent enough to make Kanda shiver lightly, with it right in his ear.

"What's so funny?" he asked, voice hoarse.

"Nothing. I'm just happy you offered. See you at six, Kanda."

Allen hung up with that, leaving Kanda alone with all the physical reactions he caused.

Allen opened the door before Kanda even knocked, having already received his text that he arrived.

Kanda gave him a sweeping sort of look. He was wearing a different jacket than Kanda always saw before, this time a jean one. The sleeves were shorter and a bit more of his tattoo was visible but Kanda didn't let his eyes stay on it for now. He didn't want to give Allen the satisfaction of knowing that Kanda was as fascinated by it as Allen probably already suspected.

But his eyes did stop somewhere else for a bit too long; on Allen's neck. The skin there looked soft, like Kanda should already be touching it. But that was not really the reason why his eyes stopped there. Something was missing.

"Oh, you're absolutely right," Allen said in lieu of a greeting, after a moment of them just standing in the doorway.

Kanda was about to point out he was making no sense but Allen walked away back towards his room before he could.

He came back out swiftly, wearing his choker and a smile.

"We can go now," he said, and Kanda wanted to strangle him.

Or kiss him. He wasn't really sure.

His eyes dropped to Allen's arms and he noticed he was also wearing the gloves he sent him a picture of earlier.

"So they were your gloves."

"I told you they aren't." Allen grinned at him over his shoulder, walking on the front even if he had no clue where Kanda parked. "I just thought it wouldn't hurt to wear them, since they're not yours."

The way to Kanda's place was silent and just. Tense.

It was a relief it was not far, but even that short distance seemed to drag on forever.

"It's a really beautiful place," Allen said once they were inside. He was still wearing his jacket, maybe because Kanda went out only in a long-sleeved shirt for this short trip – since most of it was spent in his car anyway – and so he had nothing to take off besides shoes when they came in. Allen followed suit.

The comment was the first thing Allen said about the place and Kanda thought it was because he couldn't have honestly said anything positive about the outside. That could have meant he actually liked Kanda's cheap apartment.

He did have more space than Allen, if nothing else.

"Whatever. Do you want a drink?" Not really having any plan, Kanda relied on the basics.

This entire situation couldn't even be called improvised. Inviting Allen over an hour ago, Kanda had just— jumped into action in a way that was only half-voluntary.

"Yeah, thanks" Allen answered a little absently, still looking around. His eyes especially lingered on the many potted plants Kanda kept inside. "The plants are a lot of the charm." He was smiling, admiring the few plants where flowers bloomed.

Kanda didn't know for how long Allen continued looking at them because he stepped away to the kitchen without a word. If Allen wasn't going to be clear about what he wanted to drink, Kanda could just as well take a guess at his taste and prepare whatever.

He didn't change rooms just because Allen was hard to look at – the way he'd been scanning Kanda's place with more than just polite interest.

Allen was starting to really mean something and Kanda really didn't think that was one-sided. Not anymore at that point, at least.

He just— didn't want to jump Allen out of the blue.

"Here. I made you hot chocolate because you're a kid who likes Christmas."

The look in Allen's eyes betrayed that he adored hot chocolate.

He took a sip and released a small sigh. Just about the time it was starting to look like Allen wouldn't rise to the bait, he said "So you're having some too, right? Though you don't seem like someone who would like sweet drinks."

Kanda clicked his tongue. "I don't. I'm having green tea."

Allen sipped his chocolate again. "So why would you even have hot chocolate at home?"

"I keep it here for someone who visits." Lenalee loved the stuff and always had some when she dropped by during the colder part of the year.

Kanda was expecting Allen would sniff more about it, maybe get jealous, but instead he said "I noticed your trophies. Kendo, right?"

"Yeah." Kanda sat down on his couch. Allen was already there, not tense but also not relaxing into the plush cushions. He just sipped his chocolate, watching Kanda's face.

"Do you still do tournaments?"

"Not really." He stopped a while before deciding to apply to the police academy. He still did his practice though.

"Not much use in the force, I imagine."

"Their fucking mistake."

Allen just smiled, shaking his head. "You would be really something if you could cut people down with more than just your words." His smile tilted a little before he added "I'd be too terrified to misbehave."

Kanda just narrowed his eyes at him, saying "I don't even believe you." He sounded a little amused even to his own ears.

Allen's smile grew wider. "You're probably right not to."

Kanda didn't have any immediate follow up. For a moment he hoped Allen would come up with something to say – or do something – but he didn't.

Hating himself a little for how low he'd fallen, Kanda eventually asked "Do you want to watch a fucking Christmas broadcast or whatever?"

Allen blinked at him before answering slowly, cocking his head "So you were watching one?"

"No, I wasn't," Kanda clicked his tongue. "You're the one who was."

"I am?"

"You can play dumb, I don't fucking care," Kanda snapped, embarrassed. He didn't understand why Allen would try to be evasive about it. "If not that, then you were doing something else just as stupid. While brooding over having no one to celebrate with."

As soon as Kanda said his last part, the look on Allen's face changed. He gaped a little but it quickly became a smile. His eyes were usually gray but they looked silver then, with how soft his gaze has gotten. "So you'll celebrate with me? Kanda."

Kanda felt the tips of his ears go very warm and he cursed not having his hair down again.

This time he even planned to. He just forgot, too lost in his thoughts. Allen probably didn't miss his flush, sitting as close to him as he was.

"You can do the celebrating. I'll just keep you company." Kanda grimaced lightly, crossing his arms. "Do you want cake? It's homemade."

"You made a cake?" Allen asked, sounding a little amazed, silver eyes wide.

"No. It wasn't me."

Allen's smile got a little teasing. "No? Was is the same person who you keep chocolate for? Maybe I should be jealous. Unless it's just a very convenient person that you blame things on whenever you have something cute to hide."

"She does exist, you dick. I refused to spend Christmas with her, her family, and her boyfriend so she forced me to at least accept a cake and some samples of Christmas dishes." He looked away, a little towards the kitchen, with the purpose of interrupting the eye contact. "None of it is my favorite but we can eat that instead if you really want. It's not like I'm a fan of cake, either."

"She invited you over for Christmas?"

Kanda shrugged a little. "Yeah. We've known each other since kindergarten."

Allen's slightly cautious look turned delighted. "I bet she has stories to tell."

Kanda scoffed. "Wouldn't you want to know." Lenalee did, unfortunately, have stories. He was not seeing himself being ready for Allen to meet her anytime this century.

Allen didn't drill him for any other information so it got quiet again.

But not for long because Kanda was too nervous to keep it that way. He was actually a little mortified at the idea of encouraging celebrating Christmas. He'd always been the Grinch at every Christmas party he had to appear at.

Kanda grabbed the remote controller and. And turned on the radio inbuilt in his stereo, switching stations until he found Christmas carols. It wasn't hard; they were almost on every station. But he made sure to pick something that wasn't too obnoxious and hoped the theme would keep. He put it playing at a low volume because the shit was absolutely terrible.

The mood that resulted in was kind of… romantic. But, despite his burning ears, maybe even face, Kanda did prefer romantic over fucking jolly. And they were fucking celebrating. So. Carols.

He set down the remote maybe a little too quickly.

Allen looked at him with a wide smile, but his eyebrows were a little scrunched. It looked like he was deeply touched. Except that maybe his shoulders were shaking a little.

Kanda couldn't understand how someone could care about Christmas this much but he supposed there could be worse things about a person.

Allen was just staring and Kanda was starting to have a serious problem with that. At this moment, it didn't exactly encourage anything. It just made him feel extra self-conscious.

"Do you want the cake?" he asked, insistent.

He didn't pay attention to the way Allen hesitated before he answered "I'd love cake."

Kanda thanked the universe that Allen felt like having the fucking cake, already getting up.

But he already figured that Allen would – that was why he was fine with asking the second time. It was already weird that Allen didn't immediately jump on the first chance to have it. Kanda already had the idea that Allen would rarely turn down an opportunity to have food in general. Especially free food, if he ever even had any other kind.

Sweet tooth was already implied, thanks to Lenalee's powdered chocolate.

"Is it fine if I go with you?" Allen asked, tone a little off; maybe just… less steady than usual.

That wasn't exactly Kanda's plan but it couldn't be worse than just sitting next to each other with the carols playing so Kanda said "Sure, whatever."

Allen was right behind his back and Kanda felt him there, despite them not touching.

"Kanda…" Allen started, the way he trailed off unnerving. The fine hair on the back of Kanda's neck stood up with the sound. "Do you like Christmas movies?"

"That can't count as a fucking genre. If it does, I definitely hate it."

"Could we— Could we watch one? Since we're celebrating. It should still be more interesting to you than a broadcast of famous people singing."

Kanda thought he would be glad to switch the carols over for something else. "Pick carefully. If it gets too cringey, I'll start loudly protesting."

"Kanda…"

Kanda was confused. Not only by Allen's careful tone but also by the way he grabbed Kanda's shirt from the back, pulling at it; light but insistent. It was especially strange because they just got to the kitchen and Kanda was about to pull out the cake from the fridge.

"We'll have the cake later, okay?" Allen asked, so quietly that it was almost a whisper.

He was— close. Kanda felt him there, his presence, even when Allen let go of his shirt.

Throat tight, Kanda turned to face him.

The look that Allen unblinkingly held on his face was different than any Kanda really noticed on him before. It immediately had his heart racing, even before Allen continued.

"I'd also… prefer to watch something together another time."

Allen got further into Kanda's space with those words, his face only far enough to still be able to keep eye contact.

They had never been this close before and Kanda was. Just.

The motherfucker had him breathless. With the lines of his face that Kanda could already recall with his eyes closed. He was suddenly right there, his tattoo looking even redder so up close. His eyes were heated but also… something else.

Allen raised a hand just to touch Kanda's exposed wrist lightly, the slight tickle of it feeling more like an electric shock.

"But you're taking those stupid gloves off, right?" They were fingerless but just this touch of the tip of Allen's finger made him want to immediately feel his hands.

Allen gasped out a laugh, fanning his warm breath over Kanda's lips, smelling of chocolate and mint. "I can take off whatever you want..."

Kanda kissed him deeply, a hand on the nape of Allen's neck, moving into his hair. He wasn't careful about it. It was not a possibility after all the teasing he had endured. Allen accepted him greedily, releasing a small noise against his tongue. He immediately drew him closer until their chests touched, arms around his shoulders.

Finally feeling Allen's lips that he had stared at more than he would admit, Kanda was beyond absorbed in all the sensations. He delighted in every detail of it and moved against Allen more enthusiastically than was really usual for him, especially before even getting his partner's clothes off.

The slide of their lips and tongues slowed after the initial rush of it, getting sweet, teasing, and intense, much like Allen's flirting. Except that it was really Kanda's doing as Allen was letting him be in control, releasing occasional noises into Kanda's mouth.

Their bodies were not fully touching just yet and Kanda wasn't sure why it was happening; he was unused to something like that. He could almost taste Allen's restraint as he was getting acquainted with his mouth. It didn't seem like he was hesitating, just holding back.

When Kanda's hands, all the while touching Allen's back, moved down to the backs of his thighs to hoist him up, Allen shuddered against him. But then his legs wrapped securely around his hips and Kanda blindly turned them towards a kitchen wall and pressed Allen against it. Both of them moaned into the now-messy kiss when their cocks pressed together and Allen's tongue twisted against his as he took over the kiss almost with desperation. His arms wound tighter around Kanda's neck as Kanda rocked his hips.

They broke apart, panting. Kanda couldn't take his eyes away from Allen's flushed face, his lips parted and glistening wetly.

"Kanda…" he only said, eyes hazed and staring at him unblinkingly.

"Bedroom?" Kanda barely managed to speak.

Allen's breath hitched a little, chest stuttering with it, before he answered "Fuck yes."

Instead of rushing straight away, Kanda kissed him again because he couldn't resist the open excitement on Allen's face, or anything else about him at that moment. He might have been smiling into it at first and maybe Allen noticed because he gasped against him, biting his bottom lip a little before showing Kanda how good he could be with his tongue.

The kiss broke when Kanda set Allen back down on the floor. Kanda didn't let go of him immediately and it was a good thing because Allen was a little unsteady at first, looking at him with wide eyes as he supported himself against him.

Allen flashed his teeth in excitement as he moved away. And then he put his hand down his own pants and fixed his cock upright while looking Kanda right in the eye. He walked off towards the few doors in the apartment, taking his gloves off.

Kanda didn't bother to fix himself for the short distance, walking right after Allen and pushing him towards the correct door. The action made Allen laugh for some reason. He looked no less excited when he turned back to him once inside, eyes bright.

Kanda reached for him without a word, pushed his jacket down his shoulders. Allen was a little more slender than he seemed with outerwear on but his arms looked strong in his short-sleeved shirt.

Kanda could finally see so much more of Allen's black tattoo.

But not all of it yet.

Allen noticed him looking and threw him a flirtatious smile, eyelashes almost touching his cheeks, before wordlessly tugging his shirt over his head. Various geometric shapes and patterns in sections of different sizes went along the entirety of his left arm, starting at his fingers and ending at the top of his shoulder. There were a lot of details to study and Kanda was tempted to but he couldn't focus on that for too long with Allen's bare chest right in front of him.

Allen… wasn't that wimpy-looking. If he wasn't those few centimeters shorter than Kanda, they'd be very similarly built; it seemed like they were both fit.

And. His left nipple was pierced with a little stud. Black – much like the piercings in his ears. Kanda couldn't look away once he saw it. He could only lean low, wanting to immediately find out how rolling the stud against his tongue would feel like.

Allen gave a small, half-surprised moan and put a hand on Kanda's head, mumbling "Kanda…" Which immediately made it a thing worth doing.

Kanda didn't dislike doing it, either; the metal was warm from Allen's own skin. But he did stop quickly, because of the uncomfortable position needed to continue.

When he straightened up, Allen's hand lowered to his neck and pulled him in for a greedy kiss. His hands found their way up Kanda's shirt again and he tugged upwards at it until they had to break the kiss to get it off.

Kanda sighed into Allen's lips when their bare skin made contact. He wasn't usually so big on extra touchiness during sex; but he needed to feel Allen. He was not going to wonder how deep the meaning of that went.

Their hands moved against each other's backs and arms. Kanda loved how Allen's skin felt, how Allen's hands felt. He was warm and eager but still so careful, especially when he broke apart a little and whispered "Kanda— Is letting your hair down fine?"

He sounded hesitant, almost like he was betraying some secret.

As if Kanda wasn't pretty sure his hair had its own fan club when he was in high school.

Kanda also just got a little prickled in annoyance despite the moment because—

He clicked his tongue involuntarily and grumbled "I keep forgetting about it". He tugged his hair tie off impatiently and only then he really realized he said it out loud.

He would maybe consider saying something else, to put the mood back on track and prevent Allen from asking confused questions but nothing of his unfitting attitude seemed to matter because Allen was already gone.

His flush that had calmed down deepened again after he moved away just enough to look at Kanda. He then remained stuck staring, his ogling eyes switching between Kanda's chest and face, and looking unable to settle.

Kanda smirked and it seemed like he only made it worse.

"This is not fair. I wasn't prepared for this" Allen said, almost whining.

But Kanda was already crowding him towards the bed until he fell backwards. He stared wordlessly as Kanda supported himself with one knee on the mattress and leaned over Allen to open his pants, hair spilling down over his shoulders.

He saw Allen swallow heavily and decided to leave him be to get over it – while getting them both fully naked and doing some staring of his own.

It looked like Allen only got worse with them naked but he seemed very far from complaining as Kanda crawled over him. Though he did inch backwards and away for a moment, probably to be more fully settled sideways on the bed.

Allen pulled him down for a very needy kiss, hands tangling in his hair. Kanda let him do whatever he wanted and shifted a little to more comfortably settle between his legs, touching Allen's thighs as they kissed.

"Kanda," Allen gasped, their cocks rubbing with their impatient rocking against each other. He had his hands on Kanda's back, trapping some of his hair against his skin. Allen looked like he wanted to say something and couldn't get it out.

He looked feverish and ridiculously captivating. His black piercings contrasted both with his white hair that was a mess, and Kanda's white bedsheets. The red tattoo stood out a lot too, even if Allen's flush was just some shades off from matching it.

Maybe having at least partially gotten over his… momentary gay panic, Allen opened his kiss-swollen lips to say "I'm clean, if you were wondering. In both ways. And. I'm just." He paused, swallowed. "Kanda. Do you have condoms?"

Kanda would have to be really slow not to get what Allen really meant by that question – if Kanda wanted to have the penetrative sort of sex or not. Which was very much what Kanda hoped they would be doing.

"I do," he said, leaning over him to kiss his jaw, feeling hot in anticipation.

Allen's fingers tightened against his back and Kanda glanced up right on time to see Allen close his eyes, exhaling through his nose as if in relief.

Kissing under his ear, the one with most of his piercings, Kanda asked "I invite you over and you immediately prepare yourself? Were you even more horny than what it looked like?" He might have sounded more than a little teasing, almost mocking, and Allen shuddered again.

But he laughed breathily right afterwards and Kanda felt his ears heating even before Allen answered "Is that not what your one hour warning was for?"

Kanda chose this precise moment to just throw Allen a look and get up to get what they needed. Because. The one hour kind of was for preparations. But it was not a warning, it was for Kanda. He wasn't expecting Allen to be this eager to bottom, despite some of the things he said while flirting. He had seemed to be enjoying teasing Kanda too much to just offer himself. Yet he did.

Even before Kanda could take Allen's cock into his mouth while touching his ass like he was about to…

Either way, Kanda might have prepared. Just in case.

Though, if he could avoid that position for their first time, he would.

His hands felt a little unsteady in anticipation as he collected things from his nightstand.

Allen was not asking Kanda more, just staring. And thank fuck for Kanda's looks that day in particular because if he could get to do this without Allen noticing how eager Kanda was to get fucked too – that could only be a good thing, giving Allen less ammunition to tease.

He was also grateful for his hair covering up his ears for once.

He got back to Allen quickly, probably failing to make it look like he wasn't getting too impatient.

Allen was just watching him, heavy lidded. Having adjusted himself on the bed, he lounged with a head on Kanda's pillows, still very much erect. As if Kanda wasn't ruining the mood by being as awkward as he felt like.

He wasn't usually this nervous before topping. Or during first times with someone. Or ever, really, at least as far as sex was concerned. Besides possibly the time when he lost virginity as a bottom.

But this was Allen. To Kanda, that really sounded like enough of a justification for his nerves… Combined with the fact that it usually took a few hookups before Kanda would be ready to consider letting someone top him…

Kanda was just starting to really notice that the difference of this being Allen was enough to knock the air out of his lungs.

He was fucked.

It was easier to get over it as soon as he reconnected with Allen physically, getting pulled down into his arms for another kiss. Allen felt wanting and pliant, pulling him as close as he could and touching him everywhere that was within the reach of his hands. Kanda only kissed him and held his face, attempting to get his confidence back.

He did, pretty successfully. It would be hard not to when Allen stared at him almost in wonder as they finally managed to part without one chasing the other.

Kanda reached for the lube. Allen seemed too out of breath to stall any longer than they already did and it was not like Kanda wasn't feeling it, either.

Silver eyes followed the movements of his hands. The caps of these stupid bottles were made to be awkward but the sound didn't even make Allen blink. His breathing was a little heavier by the time Kanda put one of Allen's knees on his shoulder, holding his thigh with his clean hand. His other hand reached down and Allen let out an interrupted exhale when Kanda touched just near the puckered skin with his fingertips, staring.

"Kanda—" Allen complained as Kanda's touches kept light.

Kanda gave up his explorations and pushed one finger in, watching Allen's eyelids flutter. Another one followed soon and he moved them inside, Allen making quiet sounds whenever Kanda accidentally brushed against his prostate; he assumed Allen didn't really need more stimulation so he wasn't trying to prod it. He was still fully hard underneath him, writhing by the time Kanda was using three fingers, stretching him.

"Kanda," Allen moaned once, a little louder.

Kanda was painfully hard for a while now and this was really the point where he decided this much stretching would have to be enough.

Allen didn't protest when he slowly pulled out his fingers. He just swallowed as he let his head sink more into the pillows, saying "I might get loud."

Kanda's answer was to reach for a condom and roll it on quickly. He put some additional lube on Allen and leaned over his body, taking hold of his hips to hold them up and shift them both until he had Allen half in his lap. He just made eye contact with him for a short moment, making sure he was fine.

He was fine, other than looking horny out of his mind and possibly smitten. So Kanda tried not to wonder how his own face presented and took himself in hand before pushing all the way in as slowly as he managed, fighting the way the feeling of it was attempting to drive him insane.

Allen groaned, chest heaving. "Fuck." His eyebrows drew together. "I'm. You don't need to wait."

Allen was hot and tight around him, definitely slickened enough, and it was already taking a lot of effort to stay still for as long as he did. Kanda grabbed Allen's legs securely by the bottom of his thighs, before setting a rhythm that maybe should have been a little slower.

Allen moaned, clutching at the bedsheets because he couldn't reach him. But he was staring at him as much as his excitement allowed him to, squinting as if through the heat of his own face.

Kanda repositioned himself to lean over him while clutching his hips; he started rocking into Allen a little harder, his mouth again finding the black stud going through a pink nipple.

Allen was loudly appreciative and clutched at his hair, doing his best to rock with him. "A-ah! Kanda… Fuck…"

It was enough to make Kanda lose whatever restraint he still had and he straightened up to have more leverage, setting a pace hard enough to make Allen bite his lip to not let sounds spill with every thrust.

Pleasure kept building and it was taking everything Kanda had to just keep moving and staring at him at the moment but he did slow down to reach out and free Allen's lip from his teeth, only saying, "You promised." He completely ignored the fact that it sounded more like a warning when Allen had.

But now Allen's mouth dropped fully open and, as Kanda was thrusting into him hard enough to hear their skin each time, he wasn't sure if the way Allen's eyes teared up was only pleasure. He was being loud, like he warned. He had a good voice for it, though.

Allen threw his arms up to frantically clutch at the pillows at one point and it was fortunate because Allen's wrists were a great pick when Kanda needed something to hold onto. He pinned them above Allen's head as he fucked him almost bent in half in his lap.

They stared at each other and, between his moans, Allen said, tone wrecked and delighted "Officer, you're being so rough."

Kanda's grip on his wrists tightened and he started pounding into Allen as hard as he could, bowed over his midsection.

It took just a moment for Kanda past that point. The friction got to be too much, Allen was too much. He climaxed deep inside him, riding it out as Allen made Kanda's neighbors jealous during their Christmas Eve dinners.

His thrusts died down and the only thing Kanda could do was try to get his breathing back in control and stare.

"Kanda… let me… touch myself…" Allen gasped out.

Kanda completely forgot about his wrists. He was still pinning them tightly above his head so he let go of them then but it was really just to pull out and bent down low and took Allen's cock into his mouth, tasting his precum.

Allen made a sort of dying noise and Kanda glanced up at him while sucking to have a look at his state. He was flushed all over, even on his chest, panting harshly. He started bucking his hips into Kanda's mouth, frantic but legs weak. It took only a moment before he came with a loud groan, Kanda swallowing every drop.

Allen's hands were in Kanda's hair, shaking.

"Kanda…" he managed out, voice cracking in the middle.

Kanda managed to be almost quick enough as he went to dispose of the condom.

He joined Allen on the bed, lying down close. They met in a kiss that Kanda wasn't sure who initiated. It was sweet and much tamer than the others but Kanda wouldn't call it satiated.

"Someone didn't need so much stretching," Kanda murmured, mocking him just a little.

Allen honest-to-fucking-god giggled, eyes sparkling. "I… might have taken care of that myself, too. In case you were too impatient for things like that." Then he paused for a moment and added. "And, I think… I usually don't inspire much respect in people; in bed. I don't know if it's because of the tattoos and piercings or— anyway." He smiled at him, now a little sheepish. "I liked it. I didn't want to interrupt you."

Kanda liked it, too. What he didn't like was Allen looking sheepish in these circumstances, as well as people who made him that way, so he shuffled just a little closer and held him, leaving a kiss on his forehead before shutting him up with his lips.

Allen melted into him with a hollow noise into his mouth and Kanda was pretty sure that he couldn't physically move away anymore, even if he wanted to.

"I… liked everything else, too," Allen whispered when the kiss broke apart. "Just thought I should add."

"That's good to know," Kanda offered, sucking on his bottom lip lightly.

It made Allen's lips part against his again, more dominant. Kanda only tangled his fingers in Allen's hair to pull him more in and tried not to be overwhelmed by how potent the feeling in his chest was when Allen put a warm palm on his cheek and rubbed his skin with his thumb. He felt so affectionate, even as his tongue moved against Kanda's in a way that made heat stir already. His hand started a slow trail down Kanda's body.

"Whenever you're ready, beansprout," Kanda said into his lips, He was a little amused by the way Allen's palm stopped right above his ass on its travels abruptly, as if Allen caught himself before doing something he thought he shouldn't.

"It's Allen. You do remember that, right?" Allen was frowning as he also moved slightly away to answer more comfortably. He was about to follow it up with something more but then his frown relaxed and his eyes widened instead. "Wait. Ready for what?"

Instead of answering, Kanda said "If I didn't want that hand there, you probably already wouldn't have it. Doing it slowly wouldn't have helped you a lot."

Allen stared unblinkingly for a moment and then flushed right down to his neck. He looked embarrassed but he didn't even seem to be paying attention to it, very apparently having more important things to worry about. "Kanda, you…? Want me to…?"

"I thought you said you knew what that one hour was for."

Watching Allen's expression gradually go from even more embarrassed to very horny was an experience. He'd been so unsure and yet it looked like he had even more nerve than Kanda thought he did because soon his hand just moved lower, Allen not even breaking eye contact. He only went over his ass though, to then caress his thigh around and up, making Kanda's following exhale less steady than it would have normally been.

Allen's gaze got a little different, hungry in a new way. Kanda… didn't dislike it.

Maybe something showed on Kanda's face one way or another because Allen got only emboldened. He grabbed right under Kanda's ass and pulled his leg over his hip, kissing him greedily as they pressed close.

Kanda's cock was already twitching bravely and they made out for a while. Allen's hands were curious, especially after he flipped them around so that Kanda was under him, legs wide.

Kanda was sure his face must have been at least a little flushed and Allen was staring. Intensely. And Kanda was very aware of how responsive his body could be. If Allen would be observing him with this kind of emotion in his eyes the entire time, that would be just— a lot.

So Kanda gave him a look and freed himself to turn around. He leaned forward onto his hands, kneeling. He almost physically felt Allen's stare on his exposed ass and his face felt warmer because of that but that didn't matter when Allen wasn't seeing it anymore.

And—

And Kanda was quickly realizing he was an idiot.

It would have been much better for his dignity if Allen topped him first. For the reason of first times between partners often tending to be at least a little awkward.

He could use Allen feeling a tiny bit fucking awkward at that moment.

But instead Allen was palming at his ass cheeks and kissing his back after moving his hair to one side gently. After leaving a patient trail down Kanda's spine with his mouth, Allen occupied himself with rubbing his entrance teasingly and Kanda was biting his lip, trying not to be so aware of every twitch of his muscles.

Kanda was already more than half-hard when Allen, sounding feverish like before, said "Kanda…"

It already sounded like something Kanda was going to agree to and regret it.

"Can I lick you?"

"Yeah," he managed out after a silent moment, a little breathless.

He did regret it immediately. Because. He wanted to feel it but he wasn't sure he was ready for Allen to hear that.

He also wondered if Allen was very experienced to offer something like this so quickly, or just very, very horny. He just thanked his past self for having been thorough with preparations.

Allen was careful; Kanda could feel his breath against his skin, first in puffs. When Allen blew air over him instead, Kanda was sure he must have twitched enough for it to be observable. He fisted the bedcovers in anticipation, then giving a gasp when Allen licked over his entrance firmly. Both his hands were on Kanda's ass, kneading as he kept it up. He actually made a noise much like a moan against Kanda's body as his licking got more messy and enthusiastic, sounding as if he was really enjoying it.

Kanda was keeping in the noises that wanted to fall from his mouth, all fingers tight, even his toes. He already knew from previous experiences, only receiving ones, that he didn't dislike this. But, just like with everything else so far, his partner being Allen made a difference. Kanda was much too stimulated even imagining Allen's face pressed against him in the way he was feeling it, not to mention the rest of it.

He moaned quietly under the assault of that hot tongue, his resolve breaking just a little.

Allen helped it break more by pressing against his shoulders. Kanda gave in embarrassingly easily, falling onto his elbows, hair pooling around him. He was even more exposed like this and Allen took advantage of that, one hand between Kanda's legs teasing his cock as he kept working his tongue.

Kanda was still silencing himself with his hand but he was not sure how much that was helping because Allen was only getting more into it every time Kanda muffled a louder noise, his insides twitching violently.

Kanda moved his hand away to speak and immediately moaned loudly, Allen's tongue driving him insane. "F-fuck—" He felt so hot he could barely think, but he needed to say "Fuck. Stop, it's enough."

Allen fingered him for a moment anyway, despite his protests. But soon Kanda finally felt him push inside, filling the space that was starting to get seriously desperate for it. Kanda might have whined, a little, immediately pressing a hand against his mouth again.

"Kanda," Allen sounded debauched, panting.

Kanda felt Allen's hands palming his skin soothingly, letting him get used to the stretch of Allen's cock inside him. It felt so fucking good to be this full, Kanda had almost forgotten. His position allowed him to start moving on his own when he was ready so he did, making Allen moan in a way that made blood buzz in Kanda's ears.

But he caught Kanda's hips securely and started rocking into him slowly.

"Kanda…"

From the moment he felt the friction, Kanda's thoughts didn't take very long to become close to incoherent. Allen moving inside him was making him feel hot all over and he only rested more of his weight on his elbows, breathing already all gasps and small moans under his hand as Allen's thrusts got heavier the longer he kept going.

"Kanda, you feel amazing," Allen gasped, before rubbing his shoulders again.

Kanda gave in before there was any pressure, soon moaning against the mattress, the top of his body flat against it as Allen slammed into him, the sound of it the only thing Kanda could hear besides his own heartbeat, Allen's harsh breathing and the noises he made.

"Kanda… Come up here…" Allen rasped out pleadingly, slowing down almost to a still for the moment.

Kanda was too far gone to even understand what he meant, at least until he felt Allen's hands sneak around his chest and pull. Kanda followed his motions and lifted himself up, too horny for more to resist.

In no time at all, Allen had Kanda pressing his forearms against the wall above his headboard. He was still inside and now Kanda could feel Allen's chest against his back, too, a warm and comforting touch. Allen couldn't go as hard in this position but he made sure to go deep. His arms were around Kanda's chest and Kanda was biting his lip almost bloody, bowing his head a little forward and trying to ignore the way he could still faintly feel Allen's breathing against his ear.

Kanda's ears were very sensitive and he didn't want Allen to… know yet.

But then one of the hands on his chest moved up slowly, until it held the column of his neck loosely, holding his head up until Allen leaned in and bit the top of his ear a little, still fucking him sensuously.

Kanda's lip slipped free from his teeth and he moaned, loudly.

"Kanda…"

Kanda forgot he was meant to protest, only rocking against Allen and ineffectively trying to grab the wall he leaned against, sounds he didn't even hear anymore spilling from his own lips. Allen kept fucking him deep, sucking on his earlobe before turning Kanda mad, saying "I'm happy you like this… Your blushing ears were driving me insane."

Kanda didn't consider before that it might have happened more than he realized.

Allen didn't let him think about it then, going a little harder as he held Kanda's hips again. He kept sucking and biting on Kanda's ear.

"All of you still is…"

"Stop talking, beansprout." Kanda gasped out between his moans, reflexive. He was basically asking for it.

"Kanda… You know, right?" One of Allen's hands moved to Kanda's cock and he started massaging him slowly. Kanda choked out a groan. Allen kept whispering. "I might tease you for a long time if you don't say it. It's Allen."

Kanda stubbornly stayed silent, except for his moans but Allen just kept working him inside and outside, teasing his ear and neck and Kanda was ridiculously close.

"Kanda… Just once?"

When he said that while rubbing hard against his prostate, it was really too much. "Ah-Allen.. Fuck…"

Allen made the sexiest noise humanly possible right into his ear and he shivered. Before pushing him a little more towards the wall to get a better angle and gripping his hips again to slam into him hard.

Kanda was beyond caring, leaning heavily on the wall, one hand shoved down between his own legs. He didn't really want to know what he was moaning.

Allen came soon after him, with a loud noise that made Kanda regret he wasn't seeing his face.

But Allen pulled out, and he turned him, both of them panting hard and Kanda barely keeping upright on his knees. He was staring at Kanda's face as Kanda took in his red cheeks and the mess his hair was, the look in his eye.

Kanda pulled him in for a kiss because he really wasn't ready for what Allen might say, looking like that. Allen held him and kissed him back. He took over it, lazy now but deep, holding his face.

He didn't say anything when he broke the kiss but his eyes said more than Kanda ever even needed.

Allen was back quickly, after disposing of the condom. He got to cuddling with him immediately, pressing himself close. His hands were everywhere and Kanda was feeling very satisfied and it easily resulted in another kiss, almost innocent this time.

"Kanda," Allen called his attention, gazing at him. "I'm staying for the night, right?"

Kanda snorted tiredly. "Fucking try leaving."

Allen laughed shortly, breathy "That's good because I didn't want you to let me stay just because it's my birthday."

Kanda had to pause and just take that in. "What birthday?"

Allen just kept resting on his pillows and watching him, eyes dancing "My birthday."

"Fucking— What fucking birthday? When."

"In a few hours."

"And you're fucking telling me now, when the stores are closed?" Kanda asked sternly. He didn't much like the idea of missing Allen's birthday. It was not even his fault but it felt like shit.

"Kanda," Allen said as If he thought all of this was funny. "I don't want you to buy me anything." He sounded much too… offended almost, for someone who earlier seemed ready to buy him a Christmas gift despite not even having a steady income. But then he looked into Kanda's eyes and smirked, saying "But I'd love some more of your Christmas celebrating tomorrow. Or, should I say, your cake."

Kanda clicked his tongue, blushing. He realized only now that Allen had probably been telling the truth about not minding Christmas much in the first place. "You're going to hang for this, beansprout."

Allen's laugh sounded delighted.

Midnight struck probably around the time when Allen was pinned against a wall and begging for more.

In other words – they started celebrating immediately. But they did go to sleep not that long after that, having taken a shower and changed the bedsheets.

When they work up, the closest thing Allen got to an actual gift was a spare toothbrush that Kanda thankfully had in his bathroom cabinets.

After breakfast, Allen did convince him to watch a Christmas movie. It was not as terrible as it could have been but Allen more than made up for it by being even worse. After they finished watching, he was full of incredibly awful Christmas-themed innuendos like "Look what Santa dragged in this year. I must have been a very good boy…"

Around four in the afternoon, Allen was sitting over his lap on his couch, looking at him a little searchingly. They were kissing just now but it was not really going anywhere this time; they were just talking. Allen said "It feels silly to remember all of a sudden like this but…" His eyelashes touched his cheeks as he stared down at Kanda's chest, just moving his hand against it. "I was really expecting all this to happen only after you actually give me your name..."

And Kanda just felt really stupid because he completely forgot about it. "How do you know 'Kanda' isn't it?" Kanda asked because his name was awful and he was just stalling for time.

Allen looked up at him in a deadpan. "Like you would give an arrested person only your first name."

"Like I would let an anarchist punk bend me over and—"

Allen kissed him for maybe two seconds before moving away again.

"No, you can't distract me!"

But then Kanda's phone called so Allen just sighed and conceded. "You should get that." He pushed himself up to get off his lap, probably to let Kanda go speak in privacy, but Kanda only clicked his tongue and put a hand on his thigh to signal he could stay. Allen was privacy.

And then Kanda got the phone but it was all a mistake because Allen was close and Lavi never really needed a loudspeaker to be heard "Yuu-chan!"

He and Allen were still looking at each other and Allen's eyebrows were raising. Kanda wanted to die.

Face blazing, Kanda did his duty of reminding Lavi not to look for early demise. "I told you to stop fucking calling me that! And that is not your fucking phone!" The caller ID said 'Lenalee' before he picked it up.

"You never pick up from me, Yuu-chan. And you ignore my texts. It's like you don't like me or something!"

"Almost like you fucking guessed it. Why the fuck are you even calling?"

"I'm just checking up on your Allen situation! Since you already used him as an excuse not to come to Christmas, there better be some development. Me and Lenalee can't wait for details. Komui made us promise you'll bring him next year!"

As always when he opened his mouth, Lavi attempted to ruin Kanda's life.

"He can fucking hear you, you moron! It's like you want to become fucking Christmas decorations."

"He can hear me? Hi, Allen! Don't listen to anything Yuu says! He really likes you! He didn't say a lot about you so that must mean there are mostly good things!" At this point, Kanda held his phone away from his face because the idiot was too much. He put the phone on loudspeaker and threw it on the couch.

Allen was watching that circus of a situation with a growing red-faced mortification. Kanda just made a face at him.

"Um." He said after a solid forty seconds. "Lavi, right? I-I know he likes me, I think." Allen was looking at him as he said that and he looked a little like a pet begging for food.

Kanda rolled his eyes at him and just held his look, not saying anything until Allen just calmed down on his own, smiling. He was still blushing though.

"Oh, wait! Don't say more yet! Lenalee! I'm talking with Allen on the phone here!"

When the feminine voice joined in and Lenalee said "Hello, Allen! I'm Lenalee. The guy shouting here is my boyfriend, Lavi. I imagine Kanda didn't say a lot about us." Allen seemed more at ease with answering.

He said "He mentioned you. Not by name, though. Nice to meet you, Lenalee."

"Oh, he doesn't really do first names." Of course Lenalee had to say that and now Allen's look on him, besides being red-faced and maybe a little horny, went also dangerously soppy. "Kanda, he sounds really sweet! We have to meet you sometime soon, Allen."

Allen blinked and tried to consult him again, to similar results as before. "I think — I think I'd like that."

Since things were already happening, Kanda was just letting his annoying friends do a part of the job for him. Which didn't mean he wouldn't be getting back at Lavi later, though. There wasn't that much he could do over a phone.

"I'm gonna go make drinks," Kanda said, absolutely not escaping. He petted Allen's legs a little until Allen shook off from whatever his trance was and freed him. "You can talk to them if you want but I can already tell you it's not worth the headache." He really didn't tell them that much anyway. Not more than Allen should already know. Plus their conversation with him was going to happen no matter what and Kanda really didn't need to hear it.

Before he went away, Allen staring after him, he only heard Lavi shout "Yuu-chan! That really hurts!"

Allen appeared in the kitchen later, grinning and blushing.

"I don't want to know what they told you." It wasn't a question.

"They wished me happy birthday," Allen only said, smiling.

They looked at each other searchingly for a moment and Allen seemed like he was about to say something but he didn't. Instead he walked up closer and just hugged him, face pressed against his shoulder. Kanda let him and hugged him back.

If nothing else, it was his birthday.

Each next day Kanda just thought Oh what the hell and spoiled Allen full-time until the end of his suspension. He switched to afterwork hours when it ended.