FIXIT NO. THREE

We all remember the classic scene in the hospital after Kate was shot where she sends Castle away with the promise to call him. What if she actually did? An AU story where Kate actually calls Rick.

All standard disclaimers apply

AN: There have been several excellent stories written about Castle joining Kate during her recovery after her shooting. How he helped her heal. This isn't one of those. This is a one shot that showcases what might have happened if Kate had actually called Rick as she said she would.

Kate was sitting out on the old wooden swinging bench that hung from the rafters of the well-worn porch out in front of the Beckett cabin up in the northern part of New York State. She had come up here to work on her recovery, away from the noise and chaos that she'd have to deal with if she stayed home.

She needed calm and quiet to deal with all she had to deal with on her long road to her recovery. She needed to get away from people. It didn't matter how noble or selfless their motives may be, she couldn't concentrate on her needed healing if she had to trip over the good intentions of her friends. It was all she could do not to snap at her father who was up her with her because there were things that she couldn't physically do for herself.

She'd only been here less than two weeks, so far, and her father came with to help her out. She was still too weak to be on her own yet. It was her father, but it was still so embarrassing to have to have him help her get in and out of the bathroom, help her with getting dressed, and simple tasks that were beyond her strength as of yet.

The only thing worse than the embarrassment was the constant weakness and the pain.

She stared off toward the lake. You could barely see it for the trees that circled the cabin. There was a path that led down to the dock where her father had taught her how to fish. She glanced over toward the driveway, but she knew he wouldn't be back yet. Her father had gone out to get some more groceries.

She would be alone for a while yet.

The mild breeze had a cooling effect on her but it wasn't enough to balance against the burning pain in her chest that was her constant companion. It wasn't as bad today as it was yesterday, and she hoped that it would be less tomorrow. But as it was, it was all she could do to drag herself out of bed every morning. It's not like she slept very well.

It seemed that every time she dropped off to sleep she was soon awakened by the nightmares she would experience. They were all about that sunny afternoon at the cemetery. Most of the time she was the one shot, and she felt that burning punch in the chest over and over again.

Other times she was knocked over and when she could orient herself she saw Castle lying there blood pouring from a wound in his chest, and she was the one crying over him.

But no matter who took the bullet in her dreams there was always just the one voice she heard. It was Castle's voice, tinged with tears, telling her 'Kate I love you, I love you Kate'.

A tear rolled down her eye as her mind quickly switched to that last conversation she'd had with Castle when he'd come to see her in the hospital.

The hospital the afternoon after her shooting, Kate's room:

Kate lays in her bed. She's been in a great deal of pain, but the drugs she's been taking have blunted that. She's trying to listen to Josh whispering in her ear, but she has trouble keeping her attention focused on him.

She becomes aware of someone coming into the room. It's Castle, and a smile forms on her face. "Hey, Castle." She barely hears Josh say something and kiss her on the head. He leaves.

Castle comes further into the room. He seems nervous. "Hey."

Kate suddenly feels self-conscious. "You're staring at me. I must look really bad."

Castle's look is contrite. "I never thought I'd see you again." He gives her a partial smirk. He holds up the bouquet in his hand. "I heard you were opening a flower store. So I thought I'd pitch in."

Kate tries to sound dismissive, but it comes out more embarrassed. "They were all here when I woke up. I think they are all from the precinct." She rolls her eyes. "I don't think I'll ever live this down, Castle."

Rick gives her a small grin. "Oh, probably not."

"I heard you tried to save me." Kate blurts out.

"Yeah, I, ah…" His brow suddenly furrows. "You heard? You don't remember me tackling you?"

Kate shakes her head. "No, I don't remember much of anything." She stares off into space. "I remember I was at the podium. Then I remember everything just went black."

Castle shakes his head. "You don't remember…the gun shot?"

Kate responds with another head shake of her own. "No… they say there are some things better not remembered."

Castle stared at the edge of the bed. "Yeah."

Kate stares up at Castle. "I keep seeing his face, Castle. Every time I close my eyes I see Montgomery lying on the hanger floor." Her eyes glisten. "You should have let me go in there."

"They would have killed you."

She shakes her head. "You don't know that."

Castle lays his hand on hers. "Kate."

Kate pushes back against the pillow behind her head. "Castle, I'm really tired right now."

Rick straightens up. "Oh course, we'll talk tomorrow."

Kate stares at her feet. "Do you mind if we don't? I just need a little bit of time."

Castle seemed a bit off balance. "Sure, sure, how much time?"

Kate forces herself to look at him. "I'll call you, okay?"

Castle nods. "Sure." He backs away from her with a strange look on his face. He then moves to the door and quickly exits the room.

Back to the present:

Kate let her thoughts come back to her current situation. She knew she had a long way to go until she would be able to be a functional person again. And she didn't fool herself into thinking that it would only require physical healing.

There were good reasons that the NYPD required them to also pass a psychiatric evaluation before they are certified to go back to work.

Right after she and her father got here, she called Lanie just to tell her she had left the city to work on her recovery. She strongly hinted that she would be immersed in what she would be doing and would be pretty much out of touch. She hadn't called anyone since.

That triggered the memory of Castle and the way she shunted him out of her room with a promise to call that she hadn't followed through on yet. In all truth, she really hadn't planned to call him at all. At least not until she was in a much better frame of mind… and body.

Castle had become intimately entangled with her shooting. Visions of him knocking her down were always paired with the excruciating pain of the bullet entering her chest. Then while he held her in his arms while she lay bleeding to death in the grass, his words were like a mantra that she would greedily grasp and use to will herself to stay, to live.

Castle represented confusion and pain in her mind, but that wasn't his fault. He put himself in danger… once again for her. Even before his confession at the cemetery she was pretty sure he had deeper feelings for her than friendship. But she had refused to allow herself that possibility.

Now she knew, and she needed to get better if ever there could be something real between them. It would never happen if she froze him out now. But she couldn't see him. Not now, not yet. She was still too broken to face him.

Kate took in a deep breath of the fresh, cool morning air. She had said she would call him, she owed him that much at least. She pulled her phone out of her pocket. She could do this.

Even though she had convinced herself that she should call him, she stared at her phone for several minutes before she finally pushed the icon on the first name on her contact list.

It only rang twice. "Beckett?"

"Hey, Castle. Surprised to hear from me?"

"Are you okay? Where are you, no one's heard from you?"

She gives him a slight chuckle. "I'm doing as well as expected. I'm up at the family cabin, working on my recovery."

"Should you be up there alone? Is Josh with you?" His voice betrayed his worry.

"No, Josh and I broke up. I liked Josh, but he wasn't what I wanted or needed. My dad's up here with me. At least for a while. There are still some things that I can't physically handle yet. It's pretty embarrassing to have to have my dad help me in the shower." She forced a chuckle. "I tried to get him to cut my hair short since I couldn't lift my arms high enough to wash and dry my hair, but he refused."

"So you are cursed to walk around with dirty hair?"

Kate actually laughed. "No, he does it for me. But I know it embarrasses him as much as it does me. I'm sure I'll be able to do it myself soon though."

Castle was quiet for a moment. She could almost hear the gears in his head grinding. "It would be no trouble for me to come out there to help you out. I could give your dad a break."

This was what Kate feared. "No, that's not necessary, Castle. I appreciate the thought, but it won't be much longer until I can be on my own and dad won't have to be here all the time."

"I'm sure he doesn't mind. And I wouldn't either."

Kate bit her bottom lip. She had to steer Castle away from that track. "He's my dad. Of course he doesn't mind. But you know me. I just want to put in the work and do what I have to. I have a lot of physical therapy coming soon and that won't be pretty."

She could hear him sighing on the other end. "Kate, it's not a sign of weakness to take some occasional help now and then."

"It is for me." She steels herself because she knew he'd be like this. "Rick, ever since my mom died I have had to do what I needed to do alone. My dad was a drunk, and I could never depend on him so I learned how not to depend on anyone. It's who I am."

She knew he was shaking his head. "But you don't have to do that anymore. You have friends and family now who would be there for you. All you have to do is let them help you."

She shook her head. "You know I can't, Castle. I'm a closed off person. I have to do things for myself. I'm proud of my accomplishments and the fact that I did it without the help of others." She allows herself a weak chuckle. "I know that's not the blueprint for a normal functioning adult, but I guess I'm not quite that evolved yet."

"You're extraordinary."

Her hair slapped her in the face as she shook her head. "I don't agree with that assessment, but if I am it's because I made myself that way on my own. I'm intelligent enough to know that my way is not the normal path most people take. It's not normal to shut yourself away from others to lick your wounds every time you are hurt. But it's my way."

"It doesn't have to be, Kate. There are a lot of people would never think less of you if you showed some vulnerability when you are in trouble, or need. Actually, it's somewhat selfish."

Kate jerked back from the phone. "Selfish? It's selfish not to burden others with my personal problems? It's selfish to not want to expose friends and family to the petulant and irrational person I become when battling to overcome some set back, whether physical or emotional?"

"Yes. We flawed humans are a communal bunch. We group together for a reason. We are at our best when we work together. We function better, solve problems better, and just are better when we are together." She heard him take a breath. "You've heard the old saying, 'a burden shared is a burden lessened'. Well, that's true. When you crawl into yourself to deal with a problem because you don't want to bother anyone else with it, you deprive them an opportunity to not only help you with your problem, but to allow them the sense of worth they get from helping and sharing in that burden."

Kate chuckled. "Your lecture was all well and good Dr. Freud, but I'm afraid I'm just not that evolved yet. I'm still not in a place where I can feel comfortable sharing all that I'm feeling with someone who's just a friend. My mother's murder closed me down emotionally, and I'm not ready to open up yet."

"Why can't you open up to someone who is close to you that already knows your situation and your need in regards to your mother's case?"

Kate chewed her bottom lip. "Do you have anyone particular in mind, Castle?"

There was silence for several heartbeats. "I do, and I'm fairly sure that you do too."

Silence again. "I do. But I'm nowhere near where I need to be to act on that knowledge. I can't hope that I'll have the time to work through my own foibles and flaws until I'm in a place where I can comfortably and confidently express my true feelings to that person."

She could just see the smirk on his lips. "I'd hazard a guess that the person you're talking about is not so stupid as to not realize that good things will come to those who wait."

Kate laughed. "Cliques now Castle? I would have thought something better from you."

"Sometimes they are cliques for a reason. I understand that you are not ready for company yet. But please know that I would be out there with you any time you need me. You just have to give me the word…and the address of your cabin."

She chuckled. "Yeah, that I'll hold onto for a while yet. As I said, I still have a lot to work through in my own head, before I can even think about sharing what I know will be the second worst test of my life." She took a breath. "But I do promise that I will call you on occasion to give you updates and progress reports that you can share with the boys." She sighed. "I'll deal with Lanie on my own."

"Well, I'll be waiting for your call, be it break of day, or dead of night."

She giggled. "I'm not sure if that's melodramatic or just plain hokey?"

"Your choice."

She laughed. "Good to know. As I said earlier, I have a lot to work out, not only physically, but all the thoughts and feelings I have whirling around in my head. And it may be awhile yet until I can tell you to your face what I'd like to." There was a long dramatic pause. "But Castle, I'm pretty sure I love you too."

Fin.

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