Summary: Karin tricks Hitsugaya into taking a trip with her, but her strange behaviour causes tension between the two.
Hitsugaya had no idea how he wound up in this situation. He was on a train, seated next opposite to him was Karin, reading a book nonchalantly as if a duffel bag was not sitting above her head in the compartment above. How do humans report a child running away from home? Hitsugaya wondered how he even allowed himself to be a stowaway. She simply told him she's taking a train to a nearby town over with the permission of her father to take pictures. Hitsugaya did not bother questioning her. Karin was a crazy artist...
He just didn't know how crazy until the train announced their next stop was Nagoya.
Hitsugaya looked at the speaker in disbelief before turning to Karin who smirked, pulling a book out of her book bag, as if preparing for a long trip. "... where exactly is the next town over?"
"... in terms of train?" She asked and Hitsugaya looked mortified. "We're getting off at Kyoto then switching to a train headed to Kokura."
"And that's it?"
"Then another train to Beppu... and that's it at least for the long distance part." She said and Hitsugaya stared at her.
"Are you mad?"
"Partially," She said, looking up with a smirk.
"... why?"
"I want to take good pictures." She said.
"In Beppu?" He questioned and she nodded. "Good God..." He exasperated
"It's going to be a long trip." She reached into her bag and offered him a book and Hitsugaya gave her a look. "Come on. You're already my stowaway."
He relented and took the book and said nothing as they traveled by train. It was not as if he could find his way back without her help. He was breaking all sorts of rules by leaving his areal jurisdiction. How was he even going to show this in the report? He could barely concentrate on the book... had nary a clue what it was about. He found himself staring out the window and sometimes, staring at her.
The dynamic of their relationship had changed greatly since they had the miniature bonfire. While nothing happened between them outside of a kiss, they were both aware they had feelings for each other. The situation they were in didn't exactly permit the time or space to talk about it. And even on this long trip, he didn't want to strike it up: partly out of fear and partly over her pissing him off.
But everything about Karin made little sense that day.
Normally, he would meet Karin wearing school uniform, soccer uniform or oversized shirts or hoodies or anything that generally looked three sizes too big for her. She was dressed in shorts — that was nothing out of the ordinary — but with a cropped tube top and a long, patterned cardigan that was left unbuttoned. Probably because it was summertime and it was hot but it was still out of character... she was wearing make up too and jewellery. He knew that she liked to wear rings and she wore them frequently... he knew because she slapped him once and it actually hurt because of that but he never noted her wear anything else outside of that. He didn't know she had piercings either. The one on her belly button made the most sense for him to miss but he had never seen her with her septum or the line of piercings on her earlobes. He rationalised that since he mostly met her after school, it probably was not allowed.
This was odd... like seeing a peacock out in the wild and he was probably trying to rationalise her choice to take away from the fact that he was staring and he shouldn't be. But yet he could not stop. "Take a picture, it will last longer." Karin commented without raising her eyes from the book and Hitsugaya tried to brush off the fact that he was being creepy by looking out the window but he was still embarrassed. Karin looked up. "I never said I don't like it." Silence. "So you're not going to talk to me the whole way there?"
"Some context would have been nice." He said, turning back to look at her
"I did say next town over." She said
"That's on a whole other island." He said
"Semantics." She said. "Look... I hope you're not angry at me. I really wanted to go to Beppu and I needed someone to come with. Yuzu wouldn't have."
"So you trick me?"
"... yes?" Hitsugaya tsked at her and Karin frowned. "Oh come on, you can't be mad at me forever."
"You'd be surprised how long we live for." He said and Karin rolled her eyes at how dramatic he was being.
"Well, I think you're a stick in the mud and this trip will do you good." Karin said. "I needed air... please."
Hitsugaya turned back to look at her and sighed. "You've already done your worst." Karin smiled. "But we go back as soon as you have gotten what you wanted."
"Cross my heart." She drew a cross over the left side of her chest, causing him to divert his attention there and he lingered a bit too long. She leaned back in her seat and kicked his ankle. "Perv!"
"I'm sorry, I can't help it." He said
"Really?" She mocked
"It's just a... different look on you."
"As in I look hideous?"
"The complete opposite."
Karin chuckled. "So I look hideous on a regular basis?"
"Don't you get tired of putting words in my mouth?" He asked and she laughed. "I never said that. It's an... interesting change but that's it."
Karin sighed. "Well, there are days I feel like looking like a hobo and days like this where I want to be hot. Is that a crime?" She went back to reading her book and Hitsugaya decided to try, focusing on the words in front of him, finally able to make a connection. The announcer came up, informing everyone they were approaching Nagoya.
"We're getting off at the stop after, right?" He looked up and raised an eyebrow at Karin who was staring at the book, rocking back and forth. She did not appear to be reading either... it was a blank stare on the page. "Kurosaki." No response. She just continued rocking and staring. "Kurosaki." Nothing. "Karin." This one took the attention of the person sitting on the opposite side of the aisle and Karin looked up.
"Hmm? Were you talking?" She asked.
"What do you mean were you..." Hitsugaya blinked at her in confusion as the train slowed.
"Oh... did I miss the announcement?" She huffed. "Good thing we aren't at Kyoto Station."
Hitsugaya was now visibly concerned. "Are you... okay?"
Karin narrowed her eyes at him. "Of course I am. Now would you not stare at me like that?" She asked before going back to reading and Hitsugaya watched her momentarily, and this time, her eyes were actually moving along the paper and she turned onto the next page.
I'm being paranoid. He concluded before going back to reading silently.
To Hitsugaya, Karin had this all figured out. They arrived in Beppu and the first thing she did was drag him to get food then to the flower village before it closed. She outlined that there was so much she wanted to do but most touristy sites closed by 5. Even though he was relegated to duffel duty while she took pictures with the camera now hanging around her neck, they made conversation and joked as they explored place. He knew he shouldn't have been enjoying this but he needed the break. His surveillance mission was a very useless task and he was likely going to be bored for days. While this wasn't ideal... he appreciated it.
"Cream tea?" Karin read out as they strolled down a walkway.
"What?"
"That shop." She pointed
"You know I can't read that." Hitsugaya said, referring to the roman letters.
"It says cream tea." She translated
"... that's a thing?" He questioned
"I know. I'm curious to try it." She said
"It's hot out." He pointed out
"I know but... with cream, it must be cold or warm or something."
"Cold tea?" Hitsugaya looked like he heard something blasphemous and Karin giggled.
"Such an old man." She teased. "I've heard of teas and coffees with cream, I've just never had one. It's a western thing popular in major cities but as a country bum, what do I know?"
"I'm going to get one to try." He said.
"You have money?"
"Yeah, Soul Society has accumulated an amount in reserve here through our contacts for it to be easier for operatives to blend in." He said. "It is rarely touched but I have access."
"Didn't know that. Thought you were roaming the streets broke." She teased.
"Haha. How do you think Matsumoto comes shopping here any time she has a vacation?" He said. "Besides, you've been financing this whole trip."
"World cup money." She bragged and he rolled his eyes.
"I'll be back." He said as he went over to the stand and began to speak to them to figure out what cream tea was only to be told it was tea served with a cake on the side. "Really?" He didn't understand the logic... at all
"Yes, that's what English people call it." The keeper said. "Would you like one?"
"I wouldn't but let me ask my friend." He turned to spot her. He was walking over to her as she waited, looking through her phone but she stopped, dropping her phone, appearing too relaxed with her body and leaning forward slightly. She lost balance. "Karin!" Hitsugaya dropped the duffel bag and rushed forward to catch her before she hit the floor. Karin was confused as she straightened up to look up at him. "Karin... are you okay?"
She blinked at him and then at the ground before pulling away from him and picking up her phone. She wordlessly inspected it. "Karin, what is going on with you?"
"... I'm tired." She said, avoiding his gaze. She went over and picked up the duffel. "... I'm sorry for being weird."
"... let me carry—"
"No, I'll carry it." She said
"But —"
"Please, let me do it." She practically begged him and Hitsugaya had no idea how to react.
"... okay." He said and wordlessly followed her. She did not say a single word the entire time they moved. Instead, she looked deeply disturbed... and that made Hitsugaya even more concerned.
They made it back to an inn a little outside the town in a nearby forest. It was a pretty wood cabin inn and Karin sorted everything out with the attendant while Hitsugaya stood wordlessly to the side. This was the only time she spoke since they left the flower village. She thanked her for the hospitality as she took the key and led him through the halls to the room.
She put the duffel bag on one of the single beds and sat down. "Are you feeling better?" He asked and Karin gave him a look. "Am I not allowed to be concerned or something?"
"I never said that." Karin sighed.
"Then what's the matter?"
"I told you not to look at me like that." She said as she removed her shoes.
"Like what?"
"That!" She pointed. "Don't look at me like there's something wrong with me!"
"But you're not talking to me!"
"Because where do I even begin?" She huffed tiredly. "... I don't want to look weak in front of you, okay?"
"And what is that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing. That I just don't want to look weak, okay, shinigami-sama?" She said as she stood up. "I'm going to shower, it's been a long day. You peep and I will poke your eyes out." She threatened as she picked a towel off the bed and pulled something out of the opened duffel.
Hitsugaya tsked at her, sitting down and looking out the window into the forest as the sunset over the horizon. It was nice and peaceful... sadly the company wasn't. He had nothing against her neither did this dampen how he viewed her —he just wished she would speak to him sometimes. She never spoke about anything seriously. She was either half joking or she avoided topics like that altogether. He didn't want her to tell him everything nor did he expect it. He just doesn't like to see her suffer.
The sound of water started and a few seconds later, he heard her curse. "... Tōshirō, I know you're pissed at me and I'm pissed at you but could you please pass me the shampoo I packed?"
He rolled his eyes. "Now you want my help."
"Unless you want me to flash you." She argued and he sighed before standing up and going over to the duffel. "It's in a blue bottle." Hitsugaya felt around the bag for it and found it, pulling it out but his hand latched onto something that came out with it and it fell onto the bed. He picked it up and observed the transparent package that appeared to be filled to the brim with different medicines. "Did you find it?"
"Ah." He responded and put the package back in the bag to give her the shampoo. He opened the door a crack and left it on the floor before closing the door.
"... I guess that works." Karin muttered before continuing.
She eventually finished, coming out in an oversized t shirt and shorts. "You can go next. I packed you Ichigo's old clothes. You're shorter so they should fit." She went to the duffel to pull it out but paused as she stared down at the bag. "So you went through my stuff." It wasn't a question nor was it an observation — it was an accusation.
"You asked me to bring you shampoo and it was right next to it." He said. "It was an honest mistake."
"What a convenient mistake." She scoffed. "I didn't even fucking pack this. Probably that old Goat fart who put it in here." She turned around to face him. "I asked you not to look at me like that."
"Are you dying or—"
"Jesus, just stop." She interrupted him.
"Do you enjoy lying? Or deceiving people?" He asked
"Please stop."
"No because you have successfully pissed me off!" He said. "I'm supposed to be in Karakura Town and you lie to me to get me to come on this trip with you!"
"No one forced you —"
"Right, as if that would have stopped you because you always want to get your way! You're being manipulative and you're so damn irresponsible! You've been acting weird all day, you were confused on the train, you collapsed randomly — imagine you came alone, then what? Now you're hiding a bag of medication that your father had to sneak into your stuff as if—" He stopped shaking his head in defeat before sitting back down to check his phone.
"... now what?"
"I'm checking for train tickets back for tomorrow morning." He said and she took his phone. "What? So now I'm actually being held hostage?"
"We both need to calm down."
"Kurosaki, I'm not obligated to be here nor am I allowed to be." He said. "I'm not obligated to deal with your stubbornness, I'm not obligated to deal with temper tantrums and if you don't expect me to care, I'm not obligated to." Even as the words fell out of his by mouth, he knew they were harsh but he was backed into a corner.
The expression on her face was unreadable and he knew that his words stung. "You're right... I'm sorry." She said, holding his phone out to him. "I crossed... too many lines today and I know I'm only making your life complicated." He took his phone but Karin surprised him by kneeling in front of him and hiding her face using his knees. "I just wanted to spend time with someone who wouldn't think I'm a burden... and then I did exactly what I was trying to avoid."
Hitsugaya stared down at her before realising that she was making small sniffling sounds. She's crying... he realised. "Karin, you only became a burden when you tried to pretend everything was fine." He said. "You can't expect people who care about you to act like nothing is wrong."
"... I told you before I was an epileptic." Karin sniffled. "I don't expect you to remember because I told you like it was a joke. I don't like it when things are serious. And crying over epilepsy is such a shitty thing. It's something lots of people live with and I've known since I was kid."
"I remember you telling me something about flopping around like a fish." Tōshirō recalled.
"It's a seizure... or a kind of seizure." She said. "The way I behaved today when I stopped functioning... those are seizures too. My brain just... shuts down and my body does what it wants. The worst part is that I don't even remember it happening. That's why I hate it when people look at me like that — because it tells me I just had a seizure and I don't remember it."
"Is it... deadly?"
"No." She shook her head. "It can be but lots of people live with it. Its dangerous when you fall too hard and hit your head or if you have a seizure while driving... so no, it's not fatal but it can put you in dangerous situations."
"Why now?" Hitsugaya asked. "You said you've known since you were a child and you can live with it."
"I haven't had a seizure since I was 11 and even then, I knew what it was that causes it." She said. "At the sports' festival, I had a horrible seizure and it lasted so long that I choked. I have weak lungs so it almost killed me." Hitsugaya was caught off guard with that one. "I don't know what caused it and I've been having seizures frequently just from stress. Now I'm dealing with clusters which is more than one seizure a day and it isn't normal. I'm going back and forth between doctors now trying to figure out what's wrong, being pumped with more meds to deal with it and everyone treats me like I'm made of glass. I'm tired."
Now he understood what was going on with her. He wished they hadn't taken this route to get here and he hated that it made her cry. He gently probed her to move off him and Karin looked up at him. He slid down to join her in sitting on the floor before coaxing her to sit on his lap. She complied and rested her head in his chest as he wrapped his arms around her. "I'm so sorry that you're struggling with this." He said. "But I want you to know, I could never think of you as a burden."
"Everyone does."
"I don't..." He said. "There's a captain I look up to. He is much older than me. He's very kind, wise and wholesome... but he has been sick his whole life." Karin looked up at him. "His lungs fill up with blood."
"That sounds like cancer." She said. "But he's a captain?"
"And he's one of Soul Society's best. An excellent swordsman. Always gives me candy when I see him even to this day." He said and Karin giggled slightly. "There are plenty of people who think of him as a burden. Sometimes he gets so sick that he becomes bedridden. But I can't think of him as anything but that. I can name a hundred or more people off the top of my head who are able bodied and useless. He inspires me because of how strong he is... and the fact that he smiles through it all." He looked down at her. "But something important is that he is vulnerable and open about himself to close ones. He has a close friend who he has been with for years. They're polar opposites; His friend is just as kind but is the laziest, most arrogant and playful man I know. He confides in him. They keep each other grounded and they trust each other.
"I'm not asking you to tell me everything or to depend on me. I'm just asking you to at least trust that I will never judge you and never treat you like you're less than. You're my equal and that's it." He said.
Karin looked up at him and reached for his neck to gently lower his face to meet hers she kissed him. He wasted no time reciprocating and Karin pulled away for a split second turn around to straddle before picking them off where they left off. He had no idea how much he wanted this since the last time they kissed up until now when she fisted her hands into his shirt while he steadied her, holding the sides of her waist.
She pulled away for a split second and he continued to kiss the lining of her jaw and down her neck. She grabbed at his hair and gasped as he did so, tipping her head back. "No, wait..." She pleaded and he stopped, resting his head against her shoulder. "I... I want this but... not like this?" Hitsugaya lifted his head to look up at her and she was blushing profusely, ignoring his gaze. "We don't even know what we are yet and it feels like we're jumping the gun and..." He was now lost. "I even arranged for the two beds for a rea—"
Now Hitsugaya was mortified. "Huh? I wasn't even thinking about that!"
"But you were... and it was... and I..." Karin frowned. "So I'm the only one who felt that way. Okay."
"No, you're not." Hitsugaya told her bluntly. "This friendship scares me. I appreciate you as a friend but... I don't feel like this is enough and I fear I know what enough actually means in my head. And being your friend is already a challenge in itself. Being attracted to you is not ideal at all."
"And I don't understand why." She said. "I'm sure you could have anyone you wanted in Soul Society. Hell, you could have anyone you wanted here. Have you seen the way people stare at you? You look like that... and you're attracted to me?"
"It isn't just about looks." He said
"Makes sense." She joked and he raised an eyebrow at her. "What? I'm not exactly the small, cute, innocent type. I'm taller than most girls, built like a man and —" This time, he didn't let her finish as he pulled her back down and kissed her. She immediately eased herself into it and met him back with ferocity. The only thing they could hear was the other's breathing and whimpers aside from the subtle sounds their lips, teeth and tongues made as they moved against each other. It was relentless and he wanted to make sure she felt every single thing and understood all the feelings he wanted to convey. She let out gasp as he nibbled on her lower lip then smoothed his tongue over it as if to soothe the stinging sensation. His hands on the small of her back pulled her closer as their lower bodies rubbed against each other and she let out a moan against his lips.
Karin would never understand just how much he wanted her. There's so much he yearned to do to her. To do to her. But this was not the time or the place. Hitsugaya pulled away momentarily. "If you think you're not one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen then you're sorely mistaken." He whispered, leaning his forehead against hers. She smiled before clearing her throat.
"Not that I need validation from —"
"Oh shut up!" He rolled his eyes and Karin laughed.
"Wont even let me finish." She said. "Thank you. I'm happy you see me like that."
She turned back around to snuggle into his lap with her back against his chest and his hands automatically wrapped around her middle. She wordlessly took his hand by his index finger and lifted it. He looked at her antics in confusion as he held the tip of her finger against his and imitated a 'buzzing' sound.
"Ow." She exaggerated shaking her hand like she was electrocuted
"What are you doing?" Hitsugaya asked, laughing slightly at her.
"Nothing." She said before laughing.
The next morning, Hitsugaya woke up feeling way too warm than he liked as he felt the light from outside the window sting his eyes. Next to him was Karin who was still fast asleep. After what felt like hours of sitting on the floor doing absolutely nothing, he eventually went to shower and returned to lie down on one of the beds. Karin joined him, stating she couldn't sleep and wanted to talk. They chatted about nothing until she had fallen asleep. He considered moving —it was a single bed and it felt pretty cramped — but she was smaller than he thought and she held onto him pretty tightly so he did not bother moving. He stayed up a little later to use the internet on his phone. If there was anything the humans were good for, it was that their technological advancements were helpful in finding information.
He looked up her condition and read through several medical articles — it was easier than he thought to understand because there was less informal language than he expected, so he had a gained bit of an understanding what her condition was. She had told him more about her disease before she fell asleep. She explained that when she and her sister were born, she was the last to be removed and there was a complication with her umbilical cord that starved her of oxygen. She survived but she ended up having problems with epilepsy and asthma — another condition he had to look up that had to do with not being able to breathe.
Now it made sense to him why she was very specific in what she ate and how she took care of herself. It made even more sense why she always walked around with a first aid kit no matter where she went. Hitsugaya looked down at her sleeping face and could not help but stare. She never ceased to amaze him with how wise and perspective she was and yesterday, he saw a very vulnerable side to her... a side where she believed she was a burden to those around her. It clicked to him that that may have been the reason why she took such excellent care of herself — because if she worked hard and managed her conditions on her own then no one would have to worry about her. She probably thought her problems to be too small to be concerned about.
Hitsugaya found himself falling into a very dangerous space. He was paraded in Soul Society as a decorated officer and an excellent tactician. He was able to observe situations with a critical eye and figure out what the enemy's next move was. He made sure to keep himself guarded at all times. Yet this human girl came in, tore through all his defences and held his emotions hostage... and she did it using sarcasm, crude humour and bluntness. What made things worse is that he had no wish to retrieve them. She could keep them for all he cared.
He looked up and noticed the sun was a little over the horizon then at the clock on the wall. Deciding they should probably be getting up by now, he tried to pull away but Karin relentlessly held on, keeping her face buried in his shoulder blade. "Kurosaki." He muttered, knowing she was fully awake. "Wake up."
"Hmm." She groaned into his shoulder and he sighed before trying to pry her off but to no avail.
"Kurosaki..." He sighed. "We should be getting you back home today."
"Tomorrow morning." She murmured
"Kurosaki!" He whined
"A day trip... we spend the day here." She argued, still mumbling into his collar bone. Hitsugaya was annoyed to the brim. Why was this the girl he had fallen in love with?
"Fine. But your family should know."
"Ōtō-san probably does." She said. "That's why he put my medicine bag in without telling me."
"You should have been carrying it in the first place." He sighed. "... why Beppu?"
"Hmm?"
"Why did you want to come here?" He asked
"... the gates of hell." She said before pulling her face out of his shoulder and looking up at his face. "There's a phrase: "Seeing a worser hell than your own gives perspective"... I know it's not actually the gates to hell but it was worth a shot. And I always thought Kyushu was beautiful. I dreamed of retiring here on a secluded mountaintop overlooking the water and painting all day." Hitsugaya found that funny and started to laugh. "Oh, so that's funny huh?"
"I can never predict what your next move is." He said. "I think I have you figured out then you say something like that."
"You socialise me like I'm an enemy or opponent. Next move?" Hitsugaya caught that and frowned. She did have a point. "Hitsugaya, what do you want most in life?" She asked. "There must be something after being a shinigami. You can't just live your whole life living by the sword."
Hitsugaya sighed, rolling onto his back and staring up at the ceiling. "... I always thought I'd do this until I crossover back into this life."
He couldn't see Karin's expression but he imagined she furrowed her brow at him at what he just said. "You said you always thought... then what happened?"
"To be honest, you happened." He admitted. "Ever since we become friends again, you have been saying a lot of things that made me put things into perspective." He noticed Karin was lying down on her belly but propping up her torso by lifting herself in a elbow plank position to see his face. "There's more I want to do... and rising through the ranks will help me get there. But when do I say I've done enough?"
"When you've done enough." She said. "You can't push yourself beyond your limits." Hitsugaya looked at her and she smiled before lying back down and turning on her side to play with his hair. "Go after what you want. Life is too short... even if you live long."
Hitsugaya turned to look at her. "Even if it's you?"
Karin's expression fell into surprise and she stopped playing with his hair. Hitsugaya felt a little embarrassed because he was not expecting her to look horrified but he could not back down now. He took the hand that was playing with his hair and pressed the inside of her wrist against his lips. "This is going to be very hard to navigate." She said
"You said it yourself, life's too short." He said. "We'll never know until we try."
She smiled. "Very true."
