A/N: This should've been posted earlier, but I have forgotten about this site
Anyways, As is becoming custom, I am now posting a chapter in celebration of my birthday! XD
This will remain a one-shot (for now) as I want to focus on the other posted fics first,
but,
who knows, it's already plotted and maaaybe I would have some writing juice and write some more.
Enjoy!
Seeing Madara deep in thought was becoming an increasingly common sight. Hashirama was not surprised, there had been a lot of shitty things that had happened to Madara lately, so witnessing his rising pensivity was not that much of a surprise.
"Food for your thoughts?" Hashirama teased, drawing Madara's attention. It was a slow and calm day, with the both of them deciding to take some time off. The village was coming along beautifully, they had given their best for the past few weeks and it seemed only fair to let themselves breathe for once, with the fruits of their labour finally flourishing.
Madara glanced at him and just gave a non-committal hum, following along as he made his way out to the engawa, as had become their norm when relishing the calm and indulging in each others' company.
"So, what is it?" Hashirama asked again as they settled down. He always tried to glean Madara's thoughts because Madara's mind is just… brilliant. Privately, he always hoped that perhaps one day he could share in even a smidgen of his genius.
"Nothing," Madara shrugged, moving to pour both of them a cup of sake.
"It's not nothing," Hashirama insisted persistently. "Not when you're so deep in thought, and no, don't try to refute that. Tobirama successfully snuck up on you the other day. Tobirama. And that's not the only time that happened. So I ask again, what's going on, Madara?"
Madara let out a deep breath, pouring himself another cup - as if to bolster himself and gather courage, fortifying himself. "It's nothing, and really? Hashirama? I'm not fragile, no matter how much you insist that I am. There's no need to pay so much attention to me."
"I'm just worried, is all. I know how much of an impact Izuna's death had on you. I was just trying to be a good friend," Hashirama pouted concedingly. "And don't change the subject. We're talking about this, whether you like it or not."
Madara rolled his eyes, brimming with exasperation. "Unbelievable."
Hashirama fixed Madara with an expectant eye, he knew he couldn't last long under his gaze.
"Fine, you stupid man." Madara huffed. "It was just something—an idea. It's been brewing inside my head ever since we were thirteen? Or twelve? Yeah, we were twelve and you had just shown me the cliffside. Then I went home and got to talking, you know how it goes."
Hashirama leaned back and said, "Huh, that's a long time ago. I can't believe we were once just a couple of boys dreaming, and now we're here. Living that dream."
"Yeah," Madara grinned, eyes crinkling with genuine mirth. "I can't believe it myself. A lot of things happened, good and bad, but we still made it!"
"I'm excited," Hashirama beamed back, sharing in his friend's hopeful joy. "I fervently hope that we can do our younger selves justice."
"We'll certainly try our best."
"That's true." Hashirama saluted with a cup.
A comfortable silence had enveloped them before Hashirama tsked and blurted out an exasperated "Madara!"
Laughter rang aloud throughout the engawa. They both knew Madara had once again avoided the question.
"Alright, alright." Madara teased the restless man. "So impatient."
"I'll have you know I can be plenty patient," Hashirama snarked back. "I just knew if I didn't push the matter, you'd keep bottling it up and let it spill at the most inopportune of times." He gave Madara a look. "We wouldn't want a repeat of last time."
Madara rolled his eyes, face flushing with embarrassment at the reminder. "We agreed never to mention that again."
"I'm not mentioning it, I was simply jogging your memory!"
"Uhuh,"
"So? Care to share with me?" Hashirama wheedled on him again. "Perhaps I could help out whatever conundrum you're having."
"It's not a conundrum." Madara sighed. "It's really just an idea. It's silly, I don't think you'd want to hear about it."
"I'm having a deja-vu moment, except last time there wasn't much wheedling going on and you easily told me what was spinning your mind."
"Urgh, fine." Madara finally relented, sick of the man's pestering. "I was thinking of having children."
"Oh?" Hashirama blinked in surprise, stunned silent by the unexpected revelation.
"Mhm."
"That's… certainly news, considering I've never seen you pay much attention to ladies."
Madara just about choked on his cup of sake, before laughing merrily.
"What?" Hashirama said defensively. "You need a woman to have a child. Chakra can do much, but even it has its limitations. A child is composed of two differing people—a man and a woman."
"Don't lecture me, I know all of that already. I wasn't laughing because of that. Seriously Hashirama, all of that knowledge about me, and you're still surprised I don't pay much attention to women?"
"What?"
"Hashirama, I'm gay." Madara wryly said.
"Oh," again, silent with surprise.
"Yes, oh indeed."
"I get why you're thinking about it for so long," Hashirama said after a few moments of silence.
"Hmm?"
"Having a child, I mean." Hashirama elaborated. "I imagine it would be difficult for you to lie with a woman-"
"Aa," Madara cut him off and took a moment to gather his thoughts. "I mean, it wasn't about not being attracted to women. If I really wanted to have a child, it would be … easy, you know? I don't have to be attracted to someone to fuck them, I could just do it, finish, and be done with it. No, it wasn't about that."
Hashirama was giving his full attention to Madara. It wasn't every day that he got a glimpse into the thoughts of Madara himself. That was why he loved it when it was just the two of them; nobody to appease, nobody to keep up appearances with, both of them stripped of every pretense they were donning to please the public. Times like these were the rare times that their true essences were left bare for the other, where it was just … them; Hashirama and Madara. He was hoping that it would become a commonplace thing seeing as they now live together within the same land, able to meet up as much as they pleased.
"It's just…" Madara's voice brought him out of his reverie, "I don't trust anyone to carry my child."
"Hm," Hashirama was not surprised, he could count on one hand the people Madara trusted and still have numerous fingers left. "I understand."
"Yeah," Madara drank a cup of sake before continuing, "This idea has been brewing in my mind for so long that I have come to the conclusion that if I ever do go through with having children, I had best do it myself. That way I could be sure they would be safe as they would be growing inside me."
Hashirama blinked dumbly, one question ringing in his head. "But how?"
"Seals and chakra," Madara shrugged. "Senjutsu to power it. A complete transition to the other gender—radical, I know—but, well…"
"It would be hellishly complicated," Hashirama tried to follow Madara's logic. "You would need mastery of fuinjutsu, of chakra itself, our biology, how a male differs from a female—"
"I know."
"If you figure it all out, then yes, such a miracle could potentially be possible. Hellishly complicated as I have said, but perhaps doable." Hashirama continued contemplatively. "Not to mention the useful aspects of it, if you ever decide to share such knowledge with others… as well as the drawbacks."
"I don't think I'll ever share it," Madara mused. "It wouldn't be for anyone else. I have mentioned it would be radical, which it would be, requiring you to consciously abandon your own gender. I wouldn't recommend it if it's just on a whim, once you journey down this path there would be no coming back."
The way Madara was talking… "Have you figured it out?"
"Yes," Madara confirmed. "I told you, I have been thinking about this since I was twelve. I figured it all out when I was seventeen, made some tweaks and adjustments since then but yeah, I have figured out the general gists of it."
"...that's a long time."
Madara snorted. "Make no mistake, you were right. It was complicated, hellishly so. I had to research a lot of things, study them, figure out the feasibility of it; there was some trial and error too, of course."
Hashirama nodded. Never had he doubted Madara's ability to stubbornly figure something out, given the right motivation. "Seventeen huh, that was, what? Five years ago?"
"Mmhm," Madara nodded.
"So, why didn't you do it then?" Hashirama inquired. "If you had it all figured out, why not do it?"
"Eh, I was waiting for this to happen." Madara gestured. "The village, I mean. I was waiting for us to come to a satisfying conclusion to the Warring Clans Era as I have no particular desire to raise a child in the middle of a war. I will not have my child suffer through the same troubled childhood that we had."
"Are you serious?" Hashirama almost choked on his drink, the dawning revelation of what was to transpire shaking him to his core. "Remind me if I'm wrong, but I distinctly remember offering you a treaty each and every time we crossed blades together ever since we became clan heads. You kept on refusing each and every one of my calls for peace!"
"Well, I couldn't just hand it over to you," Madara smirked. "Why would I make it easy for you?"
Hashirama slumped, weighed down by heavy dejection. "Mean."
Madara laughed merrily as he reached over and drank straight from the bottle. They were both quite drunk, this being their third bottle now. He hoped for more times like this, where they could just let go and relax together.
It was after they had finished another bottle before Madara had the courage to talk again.
"You're the only one I trust."
Hashirama stilled, unable to stop his mind from connecting several pieces of their conversation and coming to a clear conclusion. He took a generous helping of sake before humming, whether in affirmation or a question, he didn't even know himself. He just wanted Madara to know that he had heard what he was offering within such a statement.
Madara didn't look at Hashirama, he had no desire to witness what was splayed on that idiot's face right now. He leaned back and just stared at the clear sky, trying to collect his thoughts because he was the one to start this conversation and now that everything was revealed, he just wanted to tell Hashirama.
"It's just…" Madara fumbled, suddenly uncertain about his words. "I'd rather not commit incest, you know? I mean, Hikaku and Izuna were the other ones I trust implicitly and either one would deck me six ways to Sunday before I even finished my sentence. Not to mention the complications that would cause for the child and well…"
Hashirama snorted into his drink, Madara was not wrong.
Neither of them said anything for some time as both mulled over the words that had been shared. One was coming to terms with having said it, and the consequential embarrassment trying to engulf him but was stalled by the haze of the alcohol, and the other…
"I don't mind," Hashirama finally breathed out with acceptance. The more he thought about it, the more it appealed to him.
Madara startled and finally made eye contact with Hashirama.
Hashirama shrugged and smiled softly. "If you want one, I'll do it."
Madara blankly blinked at Hashirama, mind unable to process the words he had heard. Surely not?
"I can't imagine any happier ending than building a family and spending the rest of my life with my best friend."
