The diner was quieter than usual, considering there should have been the afternoon rush. As always, Wolf and his buddy, Snake, had gotten their favorite table--the very best window booth-and the service was quick. Maybe even quicker than usual. They were just finishing up their meal, noisily chomping and slurping the very last dregs of their food and coffee, while debating an ever-important topic of conversation that came around exactly once each year: Snake's birthday.
"Stop," Snake insisted.
"I'll stop asking about it if you just explain it to me." Wolf said.
Snake glared at his friend across the table. What he really wanted was to grab a nice, wiggly,rodent dessert and get back to his favorite subject: their next Bad Guy heist. There was nothing he loved as much as stealing stuff.
"Would you please drop it?" Snake asked.
"Alright alright fine fine Consider it dropped," Wolf
said, holding up his hands in surrender.
"It's dropped." He gestured to the floor and said, "It's on the ground."
"Good." Snake said.
He looked at his plate, trying hard to let it go. But
he just couldn't understand Snake's reluctance to talk about his big day. Birthdays meant attention, and presents, and friends, and all kinds of other fun stuff. He snuck a peek at his pal and cried out, "But come on!
"Ugh" Snake groaned in annoyance.
"Everybody loves birthdays. You've got decorations, balloons, parties ... and CAKE!" Wolf said.
He smiled his most charming smile, but it wasn't enough to crack through his grouchy pal's sour expression.
Snake hissed. "Look I don't need presents, I don't want decorations, and I'm not a cake guy."
He gazed out the window, watching as people hustled to work and out for coffee meetings. Across the street was Snake's favorite view: the "Big Bank"which was also known as "The Bad Guys' Next Target. If there was one thing that could cheer him up, it was the prospect of stealing stuff. But Wolf didn't want to talk about that--his mind was stuck on one thing, and one thing only.
"Seriously, though," he persisted. "You don't like cake? Name one food better than cake." Wolf asked.
"Guinea pig," Snake replied, then he smiled as he thought of something better then a Guinea pig.
"Or better yet a baby kitten" He added without even having to think about it.
There was just something about swallowing down small innocent helpless defenseless cute animals that made him feel so, so good.
Wolf collapsed back against the booth. "Again with the guinea pigs! C'mon! I bet if I blindfolded you, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a skunk and a guinea pig." He said.
"Wrong," Snake snapped back. "Snakes have impeccable taste buds. I can taste air." He stuck his tongue out, letting his forked, air-tasting tongue do its job.
"Air?" Wolf asked, laughing.
"Yes, air," Snake said haughtily. He stuck his tongue out again. "Mmm, nice!" But with another flick of his tongue.
"I don't know," Wolf said, draping one furry arm up and over the back of the booth. "There a little-uh-there a little, uh, cute for my taste."
"That's what makes them so delicious!" Snake said.
"You're not just eating food, you're eating pure goodness. It's not about the pig, it's about what it symbolizes on a deeper level!" He explained.
"But a baby kitten seriously?" he asked disgustedly.
"I mean that's just sick man" he asked again.
"What I've always wanted to try one." Snake says in
exhilarated.
"I always wondered what they taste like." He licks
his lips, Wolf nodded slowly, clearly considering
this argument.
"So... you can taste air?" He asked.
Snake rolled his eyes.
"Ugh."
"What else you got?" Wolf asked.
"Forget about it." Snake said.
Wolf looked excited about this new information, besides Snake possessing Pyschokenisis and Invisibility. It is always nice, he thought, to get to know my buddy on a deeper level. That's what friendship was all about.
"Can you also hear color? Can you see sound?" He
leaned forward, his paws on the table.
"Ok."
"Cause we should really be capitalizing on
these skills besides our Meta powers."
"Ok alright." Snake said in an annoyance tone.
Snake drooped in the booth, waiting for his friend's enthusiasm to run its course.
"Fine," he said dryly.
"Get it all out-get it all out now." He said.
"Ok." Wolf chuckles.
Just then, Snake coughed, and an alarm clock came tumbling out of his mouth.
"Look at that 4 pm. Now I know the exact
moment our friendship died." He said.
Wolf laughed.
"Let's bounce." He said.
"Yep." Snake agreed.
He swallowed the alarm clock back down again. As they pushed their plates and coffee cups away, and got out of the booth.
"It tastes like .. like you're going to stick me with
the bill. Again." Wolf said.
Snake smirked, "Well, it is my birthday."
"So now you play the birthday card," Wolf said,
chuckling. "That's interesting."Wolf laughed.
While they waited for the waitress to swing past, Wolf flashed a charismatic smile out into the restaurant--but then realized there was no one smiling back.
In fact, there was no one sitting at any of the other tables, and none of the waitstaff were milling about the restaurant. It was like a ghost town. Wolf placed his hands behind the counter to see if anyone was at the cash register.
"Can we get the check when we get the chance
please?" He asked out loud.
"Hello?" "checkity-check?" No one moved a muscle.
"You know what?" Wolf called out to whoever was listening.
"We're just gonna leave the money here, ok." He counted out a few bills and slipped them onto the table.
"You know the one good thing about this place?" Snake asked as they stood up and started to head for the door.
What?" Wolf asked.
"We never have to wait for a table." Snake answered.
"Isn't that every place?" Wolf reminded him.
Snake turned to a group of customers who were cowering in a corner; hoping not to be noticed. He tipped his chin and said, "Hey, man, how have you been? I haven't seen you in- Then, for good measure, he hissed, "Snake attack!"
Doing that always gave him a laugh. Before they got to the door, Everyone scrambled to hide deeper in the shadows, shaking with fear.
"Ooh!" Snake whooped as they passed the front
register.
"Mints!" He swallowed the whole thing down, including the bowl.
"Sorry, folks," Wolf called out to the other restaurant patrons, trying to make nice. They were criminals, the Bad Guys, but that didn't mean they had to be bad guys.
"I'm switching him to decaf." He said.
Snake slithered to the door and pushed it open, exiting into the busy afternoon.
"Alright," he called over his shoulder.
"Let's do this." They both said as the two exit the
dinner.
Snake could pretend to be a grouch, but Wolf knew there was a soft underbelly on him somewhere.
