Outside, the two legendary criminals strolled down the sidewalk side by side. All around them, people veered away and skittered away from the Bad Guys. They were well-known, and highly feared. And wanted for so many things. Cars and trucks screeched to a halt, making it easy for the two to cross the street to the front doors of the Big Bank.
"Baby kittens, huh?" Wolf asked again. Seemed like an odd choice for a favorite snack. Why pick a tiny baby cat over a nice, sweet piece of birthday cake?
"The cuter they are the more sweeter they'll be." Snake said, flicking his tongue.
"Yeah," Wolf said, shaking his head.
"But still sick and inhuman You know what I mean?" He said.
They entered inside the building.
"Don't mind us," Wolf said, flashing a charming smile at one of the people they passed as they strolled through the bank's massive front doors.
"Just robbin' this place." He said.
As soon as they were inside, Today, Wolf and Snake shared an amused look, then grabbed the bank's giant safe from behind the counter. In the next second, they fled. Everything was going exactly according to plan. The two friends exploded out the side windows of the bank due to Wolf's sonic howl and tossed the giant safe into the back of their Bad Guys' car.
Outside the Big Bank, the two friends admired the posters hanging on the building's windows. There were dozens of WANTED posters, all featuring Mr. Wolf and Mr. Snake's mug shots. Wolf nodded appreciatively. It feels so good to be known wolf said in pride. The car was Wolf's pride and joy, a gorgeous sports car fit for celebrities—celebrities like the Bad Guys! Plus it was stronger and faster thanks to the Double-Gear System that they stole from the Justice League Museum.
"Woo!" Wolf whooped as he enjoyed the thrill of the hunt. sliding into the driver's seat. Snake slid into the passenger's seat beside him, the safe snuggled in right on Snake's lap.
"Yeah!" Wolf cheered.
"Hahaha!" Snake cheered.
They'd outsmarted the good guys, once again.
"Go bad."Wolf started, his smile spreading across
his face.
"Or go home," Snake finished.
Wolf pressed the gas pedal and floored it. Zipping through the streets of Los Angeles, Wolf felt lighter than air. While Snake worked on cracking the safe open, Wolf expertly guided the Bad Guy mobile through the streets.
"Hey, you, Yeah, you, Get over here. a little bit closer. Oh I know what it is, you afraid? Because I'm the, uh.. BIG BAD WOLF? Uhh Not surprised. I am the villain in every story. Isn't that right Mr. Snake?" Wolf asked.
"Yep." Snake chuckles.
"Say hello to Mr. Snake ''serpentine safe-cracking machine," Wolf mused, glancing over to watch his friend work.
"Magic Houdini-but with no arms. The kinda guy who'll tell you the glass is half empty--then steal it from you."
He grinned at Snake, then veered around another crop of slowed and stopped cars. Wolf continued to narrate their drive, as he zigged and zagged around traffic.
"He's also my best bud. And today is. his
birthday!" He said.
Snake glanced up from the safe.
"Not relevant." He glares at Wolf.
"He's a sweetheart," Wolf said then smirked at his friend and said it directly to him, "You're a sweetheart."
Behind them, a parade of police cars filed into position, swerving and dodging pedestrians in their quest to finally catch this pair of legendary criminals in the act.
"Well. Look who's here," Snake mused, glancing back at the cops giving chase.
It was always just a matter of time until police were on their tail. and then just a matter of a little more time before the Bad Guys got away.
'Took 'em long enough." Wolf laughed. He scanned the road ahead, noticing a long string of red lights, with tons of traffic in every direction. There was no way they would get through that mess-without some help. Luckily, they had help.
"Watch this." He said.
On the top of a streetlights, a eight legged crawly
was crawling.
"Three...two. one!"
Then the tarantula pulled out a computer and Suddenly, the lights switched from red to green, ushering the Bad Guys through the jammed streets with ease.
"And over here is miss tarantula Our in-house meta hacker." Wolf cheered. "Our pocket search engine, our traveling tech wizard." "We call her... WEBS."
Now, as the Bad Guys drove under her perch on the streetlight, Webs jumped down and dropped into the Bad Guy mobile.
As soon as the Bad Guys drove through the green lights, the stoplights immediately switched back to red, stopping all the cars behind them and letting the cars going the other direction go. This clogged up all the intersections and kept the cop cars who'd been chasing them from getting through!
"Very slick, Webs," Wolf said admiringly.
"I also took over the police dispatch," Webs bragged.
"Blurred their satellite imaging system, grounded their chopper, and... One more thing." She paused, glancing back over her shoulder.
Snake glanced over, groaning as he realized what his friend had done.
"You didn't." He said.
Webs snickered.
Just then, a delivery driver on a scooter pulled up alongside their getaway car.
The delivery driver hollered out, "I got a Special delivery for—"
He glanced up, suddenly realizing who his clients were.
"Ahhh! Don't eat me!!" He flung the package toward the car, his scooter swerving as he freaked out about how close he'd been to the legendary Bad Guys.
Wolf calmly reached up and caught the cake with a free hand.
Beside her, Snake grimaced at the sight of the giant birthday cake his friend had delivered to their getaway car.
"Happy birthday, Mr. Grumpypants," Tarantula cooed.
Snake looked from the cake to Wolf and back to Webs in frustration. "I think I hate you," he told Webs.
Wolf was feeling better than ever as he turned left to lead the few remaining cops toward a construction zone where Block Man, Impact Man, and Concrete Man were seen working there.
Their plan was still going exactly according to... well, according to plan. As they drove through the construction site, as soon as they'd passed, one of the workers gestured for a crane to lower a bunch of port-a-pottys into the middle of the street. This blocked all but a small handful of the remaining cop cars. Only a few left to ditch, and they'd be home free.
As the Bad Guys' car zipped past the construction worker, another one of the Bad Guys--Mr. Shark-hopped into the car beside his teammates.
"Guys! It's me!" Shark said joyfully as he shed his
uniform disguise.
"I was the construction worker!"
"And this is Mr. Shark," Wolf said, offering his pal a huge smile and cheering.
"Master of Disguise! Our apex predator of a thousand faces and a Master of Water as well." Shark grinned, soaking up the praise and attention.
He loved being part of the Bad Guys, and he really was a master of disguise.
"His greatest trick of all? Stealing the Mona Lisa disguised as the Mona Lisa."
It was a true highlight in his heisting career. With Shark now squeezed into the backseat, things had gotten a bit squishy in the car. Shark was significantly bigger, than the other Bad Guys took up far more than his fair share of space.
"Watch it, Big Tuna," Snake hissed as Shark wiggled into his spot--which shoved Snake's seat forward and pressed him against the safe he was still working to crack.
"I'm trying to work here!" He yelled.
Shark relaxed into his seat. "Keep it cool, baby. Birthdays should be chill."
He pulled out a birthday hat, tied the party hat around Snake's slim head.Snake's head drooped under the weight of the hat, and his mood drooped with it.
"And rounding out the crew", a police officer noticed a bang in the glove box of one of the police cars pop open, revealing the final member of their team.
"Surprise!" Mr. Piranha shouted, leaping into the face of the nearest cop. He flipped and flopped around the inside of the police car like a Tasmanian devil, causing the car to swerve off course. At the precise moment, Piranha jumped out the window into another cop car. He jumped from cop car to cop car--causing mass chaos.
"... Is Mr. Piranha." Wolf said.
"He's a loose cannon with a short fuse." Wolf cried out, watching his pal do his best work.
"Willing to scrap with anyone or anything with his super speed."
"He's brave..." Wolf continued announcing. "He's fearless.."
Eventually, Piranha bounced onto the windshield of the lead cop car, freaking out the driver, who slammed on his brakes and caused a massive pileup.
"Who am I kidding? He's crazy!"
Moments later, Piranha pinballed up and through the air, landing in the Bad Guy mobile.
"Santo cielo" Piranha whooped. "That's a lot of popo!"
"Uh Piranha," Tarantula said slowly, "Did we forget something?"
"What?" he asked with an exciting look on his face.
"The present. You know?" Shark prompted.
Piranha looking around nervously. He'd been pretty sure he'd taken care of all the cops in hot pursuit, but maybe he'd missed one?
"Oh! Um, of course I didn't forget. " Piranha said hastily, covering for himself. He'd totally forgotten the present.
As his friends shot daggers at him with their eyes, Piranha ripped a tiny fart.
Webs shook her head. "You know, you fart when you lie."
Piranha cowered under her stare. "What no I fart when I'm nervous."
"Yeah." Webs countered.
"Nervous about lying!"
Unable to stop it from happening, Piranha launched another fart--but this time it was a giant, silent-but-deadly one.
"Sorry..." Piranha squeaked.
Within seconds, the entire car filled with noxious
green gas.
"PIRANHA!" Webs screamed.
"Don't breathe it in," Wolf reminded the others.
Shark started freaking out and flopped around in the backseat of the car.
"I breathed it in!" He yells.
The rest of the Bad Guys coughed and stuck their heads out the windows, gasping for fresh air. As soon as the gas dissipated inside the car, Wolf looked around at his crazy collection of friends and thought--once again- about how lucky he was.
"Yeah, they're a bit eccentric," he muttered.
"Ack" wolf cough continuing his little narration as the other Bad Guys continued to shriek and wail about the fart.
"But" he said, chuckling, "When you're born us,
friends don't exactly win the popular contest."
Do I wish people didn't see us as monsters?" he
wondered aloud.
"Sure i do... but these are the cards we've been dealt, so we might as well play em."
Just then, Snake successfully cracked the safe. It clicked open and Snake whooped with delight.
"Jackpot!"
Laughing, Wolf spun the car and drifted into position right in front of the police station. The safe popped out in front of a gaggle of cops, who were all standing in front of the building. Every single pair of eyes turned to stare.
"What the thorax?!" Tarantula gasped.
"Are you crazy?" Piranha gurgled.
"What?" Wolf said, winking. "I just wanted a longer
car chase. It's the best part."
The chief of police glared out the window. Beside
her, one of the other cops said.
"Chief...its. it's."
"THEM!" The chief screamed, her eyes widening to the size of dinner plates. She burst out the front doors of the station. She was going to get her mitts on those horrible criminals one of these days! It was her life's greatest ambition. The chief kicked down the doors to see them.
"Webs." Wolf said. "Hit it."
Tarantula pressed play on the stereo, and music
blared out of the Bad Guy mobile.
"Get them!" the police chief screamed.
