The desert air blew against Marcella's face as she ran as far as she could from the sounds of Grak's gunshots. Cas was hot on her heels, though based on how fast she had seen him run before, he probably could have surpassed her. Almost like he was being slower on purpose. Odd. She made a note of it as she lead him toward one of the hills that surrounded the otherwise flat landscape. Though they had reached what she figured was a safe distance, she still maintained a steady jog, her feet and breath keeping rhythm. Finally, at the base of a plateau, where the ground sloped more dramatically, she deemed it safe enough to stop.
Marcella doubled over, hands on her knees, panting heavily. After a few breaths, she stood up and exhaled loudly. "...Okay, now I've burned everyone." She squeezed the bridge of her nose and emitted a long frustrated sigh. She held that pose for a few seconds, letting the disappointment pass through her, then dropped her arm to the side and continued walking forward. "Oh well."
"'Oh well'!?"
An outraged voice erupted from behind her and she turned to meet Cas's angry, blue painted face. He looked about as upset as he had the first time they met. His hands were placed on his hips like some kind of old schoolmarm squawking at a gaggle of unruly students. The visual made Marcella snort.
"You think this is funny?!" He stomped his foot, now turning into a toddler having a tantrum.
She clapped a hand over her mouth. "No...maybe-I mean, it's kind of funny-"
"It is not funny, we could have died!" He was really livid now. "That krogan almost blew our heads off-"
"Please, you saw what a terrible shot he was-"
"-he threatened to snap your neck, he was gonna break your arm…how can you live like this?!" He was now pacing in a small circle, subvocals buzzing angrily, finger-wagging at no one in particular. "Sneaking in, trying to fool a krogan - terrible idea never should have allowed it! And me, going in completely unprepared, what was I thinking? And - and HIM! Who authorized his credentials? The fact that you have to deal with that it's-it's unacceptable! No way to run a business-" He paused when he noticed the look on her face. "What?"
She couldn't help it, it was too much. The relief of surviving Grak's tirade and this grown-man stomping around lecturing her, the krogan, and himself. She burst out laughing, dropping her hands to her knees again.
"'…Are you serious!?" Her ambivalence seemed like it was gonna make his head explode.
"I'm - I'm sorry, it's just the way you're-," She stood up and managed to compose herself with a small cough. "Look, it's gonna be fine. Krogan are stubborn but Grak loves credits too much to give up on a potential asset. If I can pay him, I'll get the gun back eventually-"
"'Eventually'-!? Wh-what about now? You need a weapon-!"
"I told you, I have a weapon." She patted her hip where her knife was sheathed. "I took care of it, you saw-"
"No, you need a real weapon. You really needed that gun and..." He wrung his hands and gave her a pained expression.
"Aw, are you reallythat worried about me?" Her mandibles pulled back in a smile. "I'll be fine, I piss people off but not usually to the point where they want me dead." She glanced back toward the shop. "Usually."
He shook his head, his anger now seemed to be replaced with something more complicated. "No, no, you need it and you could've got it back if I didn't..."He took a deep breath and the words came spilling out of his mouth. "I was supposed to help you and I - I failed. I couldn't do it, I let you down, and if I wasn't so-"
"Whoa, hey-!" She took a step toward him and placed a hand lightly on his shoulder and immediately felt it relax. "You did not fail. You did everything right, it was my fault. It…it was a stupid idea anyway." A pang of guilt hit her right in the chest. Way to go, you saved his life in the bar only to risk it in the shop. she thought.Poor guy.
She gave his shoulder a squeeze. "I shouldn't have made you do that. I'm sorry."
Cas blinked, slightly taken aback. His hand wringing became a little less frantic. "It's okay, you didn't make me I...I owed you anyway." He rubbed the back of his neck and avoided her gaze. "I'm just...worried about you."
She felt a flutter in her stomach. Awww, this guy..."Hey, I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself. Besides, next time I see Grak I'll make sure all debts are paid." She gave his shoulder a gentle pat. "Is that better?"
Cas exhaled quickly out of his nose. "'Next time'...?" He shook his head like a disappointed parent and his subvocals hummed in disapproval. His hands were back on his hips. "Owing a debt to a krogan….you shouldn't even be dealing with krogan in the first place."
"Ah, it'll be alright.'' She turned away to keep herself from laughing again and started making her way up the incline. The sound of crunching dirt behind her indicated he was following. "They're not as bad as you make them out to be. Besides, didn't we kick their ass when they invaded the homeworld and we bombed them back to the stone age and cut their balls off, and now they can't breed or something?"
"That's…that's not even close to what happened-!"
"Eh, whatever." She waved a hand over her shoulder and continued climbing the slope.
"Didn't you pay attention in school?"
"Well, I didn't go to school so-" She said without thinking.
The crunching of his footsteps stopped. "...what do you mean you didn't go to school?"
Oops. The wind ruffled the flaps of her slashed jacket as she paused, her foot half-raised to take another step. Her mandibles flicked in apprehension. Her past wasn't something she planned on bringing up. She remembered Graks taunting back at the shop. 'Boo-hoo'! His stupid scaly face swam up in her mind's eye. That son of a bitch. Cas hadn't brought it up. Yet. Her apprehension grew.
"...Were you part of an off-world program?" He asked.
She let out a breath she wasn't aware she was holding. "...Suuure, I guess you could say that." She resumed climbing the hill, careful to move her feet onto the smaller rocks to keep from sliding into the packed dirt.
"Wait...where are we going…?"
"Just up here. I want to show you something."
They climbed in silence for a few minutes, Grak's shop and the ramshackle building of the hideout grew smaller as the hill got steeper. Soon, only the faint twinkling of the neon lights could be seen in the darkness that stretched below them. As they reached the top, the slope leveled sharply until only a flat clearing of packed dirt was before them. The sky stretched above, a veritable sea of stars that threatened to swallow the plateau.
"Huh…" Cas took a few steps out onto the clearing, his eyes scanning the edge into the darkness. "…interesting."
"Like the view?"
She watched him walk over to the edge and look at the tiny neon lights below. Then, he glanced up at the millions of twinkling stars. His subvocals gave a short buzz of frustration.
"What's wrong? Don't like stars?" She teased.
He buzzed again, louder. "You have no idea…."
"...What?"
"Mmm, nothing." He stepped away from the edge and stuffed his hands into the pockets of his ill-fitting jacket.
"Hold on, just watch for a second." She walked over and stood next to him, staring out over the horizon. "If we're lucky, we might see it."
Cas looked at her curiously but said nothing, following her gaze down into the darkness.
They stood in silence for a few minutes, the hot wind picking up specks of dirt around them. Suddenly, far off where the ground met the sky there was movement.
"There-!" Marcella pointed.
In the distance, streaks of shadow rose from the desert floor in the hundreds and hovered in the night sky. They glowed in faint bioluminescence for only a moment, before falling back to the darkness below.
"Whoa…" Cas studied the spectacle curiously as the lights twinkled in and out. "What is that?"
Marcella smiled. "Bloodrays. When the nights get hot like this, they take to the air. I think it's a mating ritual." She shook her head and sighed. "And me without a rifle…"
Cas shifted uncomfortably. It seemed the reminder of the missing rifle still was still upsetting.
"It's not a big deal, it's just, see," She lifted her hands, mimicking the firing of a rifle at the air, "when you shoot 'em they pop and there's this bright blue explosion that rains down and it's actually really pretty-" She hesitated, noting his concerned expression."...or….so I'm told…."
"Hmph." His eyes narrowed and his jaw tightened, most likely biting back another lecture. She chuckled.
"Hey, I guess itis a good thing I don't have the gun then, huh?" She gave him a playful nudge. "Huuuh?"
He looked back at the bloodrays, watching them swoop and dive. "...I really am sorry-"
"It's-fine-I-promise-!" She nudged her elbow into his side with each word, ending with a slight giggle. "Really."
"...It's just important to me that you're safe."
Her mandibles clamped to the sides of her face and her stomach flip-flopped violently. Damn…! She lifted her arm and contemplated wrapping around his waist but lifted it higher, settling for the safety of his shoulder. She rested her cheek on the curve of her hand, staring off at the rays. "You're a sweet guy, Cas."
She felt his shoulder tense and his hands grasped together desperately as something akin to bewilderment flashed in his eyes. "You…...did it again."
"Did what again?"
"You...called me…" His voice was trembling slightly. "…'Cas'."
"Uh, yeah?"
"I...I mean...it's...a nickname-"
"Oh!" She drew her hand back. "Right. That's...really forward. Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, formality isn't really a thing out here. I'll stop. Unless…" She gave him a sideways glance. "you don't mind...?"
"Well...I mean...if you really want to…" His hands were a flurry of nervous movement but his subvocals hummed as though the idea actually made him quite pleased.
"So...you're okay with me calling you…" A devilish look crossed her face. "'Cas'?"
He opened his mouth to speak but then snapped it shut, his eyes growing wide. He gave a tiny nod.
"Good." She gave him a wink and turned on her heel, heading away from the edge. "There's one more thing."
She led him toward the middle of the plateau, kicking up clouds of dirt until a dark spot on the ground loomed into view. In the middle of the otherwise barren clearing, was a small patch of grass.
"Is that...?" Cas passed her and knelt by the patch reaching a hand out to touch it's bright green blades. "I didn't think anything could grow here."
"Usually, it can't." She took out a flask from one of her pockets, unscrewed the top, and took a small sip. She held it out over the patch.
He reached out a hand. "Uh, thank-"
She upended the flask and dumped the remaining water onto the grass.
"Wha-! Don't waste it!"
"I'm not wasting it," She shook out the last few drops. "it's for the garden."
Cas stared at the tiny spot of dry sparse grass. "The...'garden'?"
"Yeah. The garden." She gave him a look that dared him to insist it was anything otherwise.
"...I see."
She sat down on the patch, crossing one leg over the other, and lightly patted a spot next to her. "Sit." She ordered.
The patch was barely wide enough to fit the both of them but Cas managed to squeeze in next to her. He sat with his hands on his knees, his posture stiff and unnatural, seemingly doing everything in his power to not brush up against her accidentally.
There was an awkward silence as they both sat huddled on the tiny stretch of grass.
"...Pretty great huh?"
"Um, yeah." Cas shifted his feet, brushing them against the tips of the blades. "It's very nice."
Marcella chuckled both at herself and the awkwardness of the situation. "...yeah, I know it's pretty mediocre but I'm doing my best-"
"No! It-itis nice. I've never seen any kind of vegetation around here, how did you manage to find it?"
Her mandibles flicked mischievously. "I grew it."
"Oh, wow, that's...very impressive!" He seemed to mean it.
"Ah, it's nothing really." She raked her fingers through the grass. "It cost a lot to get these seeds. But it was worth it."
"How long have you been growing this?"
"Just a few months. Lugging water up here is a pain, but you can't beat the view." She leaned back, resting on her elbows. "I sleep up here sometimes. Go ahead and relax, it's softer than it looks."
Cas leaned back gingerly and clasped his hands stiffly across his stomach. "Hm...it is." He turned his head toward her. "You like plants?"
"Yeah." She dug her fingers deeper into the roots, feeling the coarseness of the grass fibers between her fingers. "When I was little I…."
She was gazing at a short tree, its branches heavy with purple fruit. Its verdant leaves shone with a slight metallic glint in the sun, contrasting with the bright blue of the sky. She reached out a tiny hand and touched the fruit's rough texture on its oblong shape. Beyond were rows and rows of crops, all lined neatly in organized sections as far as she could see. Adults milled between, tending to the plants, and the damp smell of soil being turned over filled her nose. She moved on to the next row, thick bushes with some sort of orange flower. The petals were soft and fuzzy and emitted a musky but pleasant smell. Merely sniffing the flowers only yielded a faint scent. She stuck her whole face in the shrub and immediately pulled back. The pollen had invaded her nose and made her sneeze.
A voice called out. She couldn't remember exactly what it sounded like, only that it was to her. She would spend many years trying to remember that voice.
She was much older, sitting in the dark. The only light was emanating from the bright screen of a datapad. She was leaning against the cold metal sliding of the ship's engine room. Her feet on the blankets of her sad excuse of a bed, the ship's engine humming in her ears. On the computer screen was a picture of a particular shrub with orange flowers she had searched everywhere on the extranet for. She looked at it every night before falling asleep.
"...I...uh…" Marcella swallowed. A dark pit pulled in her stomach, threatening to take her to a place she had learned to avoid. She sat up and gave her head a jerk as if to throw the thoughts from her head. Well damn, there goes my mood.
"...I just always wanted my own garden." Her voice trailed off weakly and she pulled absentmindedly at the shreds of fabric in the front of her ruined jacket.
"Oh, here-" Cas pushed himself up and fussed with the fastenings of his own jacket. "You can have mine."
"It's alright, you don't have to-"
The jacket was already off and put upon her shoulders before she could say anymore. His scent surrounded her. Her mood improved considerably.
"Heh, still a gentleman even after-" She paused, staring at the badge now visible on his clothes and raised a finger slowly. "You...still...wore your uniform….."
"Yeah?"
"Hey, I have a question: are you the worst undercover cop in the galaxy?"
He bristled. "I'm supposed to wear my uniform at all times!"
"But not when…!" She laughed and shook her head. "Cas, you are the most…" She tried to think of a way to put it gently. "...passionate security officer I've ever met."
It was true, most security she ran into out here took bribes, were trigger-happy, or just didn't give a shit about the people they were supposed to be protecting. As a matter of fact, even for a turian Cas was a stickler for the rules. Not an easy feat.
His eyes had widened slightly at the return of the informal nickname, but otherwise, he seemed to deflate. "...Yeah. I've heard that before."
She altered her approach. "No, I mean...that can be a good thing!"
He scoffed.
"No, really it's...kind of nice actually. Everyone always takes the easy way out, especially out here. But you...you genuinely care. You actually try to follow your morals even if you have to..." She gave him a nudge with her elbow. "...lug someone all the way back to your base. It's...kind of refreshing."
His mandibles twitched slightly.
"Probably didn't do you any favors though." She continued. "Let me guess; you were gonna be promoted over someone else, so they had to get rid of you?"
"What do you mean?"
"You must have pissed off someone pretty bad to be stationed all the way out here."
"What? Of course not." Cas puffed out his chest. "I came here voluntarily."
"You what?" Her head snapped in his direction. "Why?"
"To train under General Faldos!" He looked at her as though the answer was obvious. "It was an incredible opportunity."
"Who?"
"You know, back at the base. The one you, uh…" He shifted uncomfortably, "...met."
"That guy?!" She felt a twinge of disgust at his memory. "The one that almost smashed your face in?"
"He can be a bit...temperamental, but-"
"I didn't even think biotics could become generals." She plucked at the grass to hide her irritation, tossing aside shriveled blades. "Don't they just send them away or something?"
Cas sat up a little straighter, seemingly excited about the subject. "Oh, Faldos is not an ordinary General! It's actually a very interesting story."
She wrinkled her nose as she pictured the general's ugly face, angry and shrieking. The way he practically destroyed his office over a little transgression like some kind of madman. She feigned interest out of politeness. "Hm, really...?"
"Yes!" He leaned in, eyes twinkling. "When he was only 16 he graduated from-"
Marcella felt her eyes glaze over as his voice turned into background noise. It didn't matter. He could wax poetic for hours about that asshole, nothing would make her think that man was anything but some psycho. Cas was brave to stand up to him, it could have even cost him his job. Or would he just have been severely punished? She wondered how their arrangement worked. Maybe she would ask him more after he was done telling her that guy's entire life story. He was so into it, his head bobbing up and down, his hands all waving around. She felt her stomach flip-flop again. He really was adorable.
"-of very few to actually be called The Pride Of Palaven a title only held by-"
Too bad he had turned her down. She had made her intentions pretty clear back at the fort and he didn't seem into it. Maybe he was just shy? He definitely was a pushover. It didn't seem very hard to convince him to go along with something. And he was really sweet when he wanted to be. Talk about getting mixed signals. Maybe he's like that with everyone and he's a terrible cop. No, surely there's an underlying reason. He obviously liked her. He had remembered her name. The way he looked at her, there was no denying it. He was just too career-focused to take it anywhere. Shame.
"- assigned to Fort Audax because of its history in the war of -"
Maybe she should try again? Nah, don't pressure the poor guy, he's had a rough enough night as it is. Oh well. Being friends wouldn't be so bad. Having a cop on her side probably wasn't a bad idea either. And who knows, maybe he would change his mind. They could have fun for a little while. Or not. Either it'll happen or it won't. She watched him trace something in the dirt to illustrate a point he was making. His uniform matched his eyes. She hoped something would happen.
"-abundant resource of palladium, which is why these outposts even needed to be manned."
There was a long pause. Marcella blinked herself out of her fog to realize he was done talking. "Oh, uh, okay, yeah, that's...it's neat." She mumbled.
"...I'm so sorry." Cas's shoulders slumped. He smashed his hands together, squeezing and pulling the fingers anxiously. "I went on for far too long, that was very rude-"
"No!" Now she felt bad. If she had learned one thing that night it was that his sudden hand-wringing was never a good sign. "It's - it's really fascinating please, uh...continue..." She couldn't help but wince slightly at the idea of him continuing to talk about wars she didn't care about and resources the planet was abundant in.
Cas didn't seem to be listening. He groaned and cradled his head in his hands. "You brought me to this nice place and I'm just rambling-"
"That's not-!"
"-and wasting your time, you must think I'm the rudest person alive-"
"Oh, please!" She chuckled and gave his shoulder a playful shove. "It's not like that at all!" Her mandibles twitched as a positively evil idea popped into her head. "Trust me, this is hardly the worstfirst date I've ever been on."
She turned away so he wouldn't see her smile.
"No, no, you don't have to-" Cas went rigid, His eyes snapped open and he peeked at her through his fingers. "Wait. Did you say...do you consider this a DATE?!"
"One time," She continued as though she hadn't heard him. "I was on a date with an Asari and it was actually going really well until she revealed that she had actually killed one of my friends." Marcella chucked. "Rest of the night went alright, though."
Cas hadn't moved a muscle. He sat frozen, his eyes wide and unblinking as though he had forgotten how to. If she didn't know any better she would think he was short-circuiting.
Marcella's smile faded. Uh oh.
"Hey, Cas? You okaaaay?" She lifted her hand to the side of his face and gave it a little pat. "You wanna talk about resources again...?"
He opened his mouth to speak but seemed to think better of it and closed it again. Slowly, his hands came together and clasped, rubbing anxiously.
Noooo! Not the hand-wringing! Do something! She looked around wildly for a change in topic.
"So...plants!" She clapped her hands together and turned her attention to the grass they were sitting on. "Uh, yeah, this is actually called Sikus Grass." She ran her fingers through the blades and pulled out a tuft. "It grows in arid climates, though, not appropriate for this climate which is why it's all…" She held up the dry, shriveled blade and twirled it in her fingers. "...yeah. Fairly common, but unfortunately not native to this system and...surprisingly expensive considering it has no nutritional value. Ugh, you wouldn't believe how they gouged me…" She flicked the blade to the side. "You know, I spent so much time on a ship, I told myself as soon as I could find solid ground I would grow something." She chuckled lightly. "See? Now I'm rambling."
To her surprise, his mandibles gave a small twitch in amusement. "Heh."
"Ah-!" She gave him a nudge with her elbow, causing him to tense. "Made you laugh!"
"Um, ahem!" He looked away and pretended to be interested in some of the rocks on the outskirts of the grass. "So, uh...you...spent time on a ship?"
"More time than I wished to, yes."
"Is that where you were born?"
Marcella paused, then shook her head. "Colony, actually."
"Oh, really?" He turned back toward her, eyes lit up in interest. "What was that like? To be honest, I don't know how people do it, it must take great courage. It always sounded so dangerous."
The dark pit in her stomach reformed and her mood soured. "Yeah. It is." She said, flatly.
Cas snapped his mouth shut as he realized he touched a nerve. Whether it was from her reaction or the fact that he had pieced together what Grak had said before, she didn't know.
"I...I'm sorry, I didn't mean..." Like clockwork, he was wringing his hands again.
"It's...fine." Her voice was flecked with irritation. "Grak was nice enough to tell you, you might as well actually hear it from me. He's right, everybody already knows, so I guess you should too."
I just wish it wasn't the first thing you knew about me.
Cas exhaled slowly through his teeth, anger coloring the skin beneath his plates. "Damn him." His voice was surprisingly steady. He seemed calmer in the face of her anxiety as opposed to his own. "He had no right to tell me anything."
"I think...it was an agrarian colony." She swallowed, her throat tight and dry.
Better to get it over with.
"I barely remember. I was very young when it happened." She picked at her nails and tried to ignore the growing pit in her stomach. "It was attacked by a group of pirates. By the time reinforcements came, they were gone and...I was the only one left. By the time they get there, it's just...picking up the pieces."
"...I'm sorry."
Marcella just nodded. That's what they all said. Just the same platitudes over and over. It wasn't really his fault, what else was there to say?
"Then, I was raised in a shelter. As soon as I could, I left and joined whatever merc group I could to get back out there." She jutted her chin at the sky, the star's innumerable. "So I could...maybe find the people responsible and…I don't know..." She shook her head. "...bring them to justice, I guess?" She laughed weakly. Grak was right, except it wasn't just suicidal, it was ridiculous. "Pretty...pretty dumb, huh?"
Cas was staring at the ground, jaw set, mandibles twitching in budding outrage. "The people who raided your colony...are still out there?"
"Oh, the gang is long gone. But the people that were in charge? They form new groups. Move on to new...conquests." She nearly spat in disgust. "Assume new identities, move around to new systems. General consensus seems to be it's too much of a bother to track them all down so…"
Cas' mandibles flared. Anger seemed to stir in him in a way that eclipsed any he had had over her previous infractions. "See...this. This is why."
He pushed himself to his feet so suddenly it made Marcella shift to get out of his way. "This is why I wanted to be in law enforcement!It shouldn't have to be this way." He started pacing, hand on his chin, working himself into some kind of fervor. "The fact that they think they can just...do this. Ruin lives and get away with it! Someday, I'm...I'm gonna fix it."
Marcella scoffed.
"I'm serious!"
She gave him what she hoped was a polite smile but her subvocals betrayed her condescension. "It's a nice sentiment but I'm pretty sure it's a little more complicated than that."
"Well, yes, but-"
"Everyone looks out for themselves and does what it takes to survive. If some people get stepped on, so be it. That's how it's always been and always will be. No one person is gonna change that."
"Not if you…" He looked slightly embarrassed but nonetheless determined. "...try hard enough."
She suppressed the urge to roll her eyes. "You've got a lot to learn-"
"The galaxy has a lot to learn!"
Marcella hummed thoughtfully and went back to tugging at the grass. So, he was one of those types. A hothead who still thinks he can change the world. Endearing, but fruitless. A few hard knocks and he'll change his tune. Or get eaten alive. It's always one or the other.
He continued. "Once I take my credentials and put them to use...maybe with enough influence..."
She gave him a sideways glance. "Is that what you really want? Power?"
"Yes - I mean - no! I just-" He made a frustrated sound. "Honestly, if it was up to me, I would just...sit behind a desk and reorganize everything. Change laws, write laws, I don't know, just something. The entire system is flawed-"
"No argument there."
"-and if it can be reformed-"
"Tch."
Cas huffed and his mandibles clicked impatiently. "Look, you want to go after this guy on your own, I want to change the system that leads men like that to justice. Are you saying your idea is better?"
"Yes!" A harsh laugh escaped her. "Yes, I am! No red tape! No one to consult! No...trespassing laws or whatever stupid thing they would throw at me."
"But it's dangerous!"
"So what? Someone has to do it."
He shook his head and grumbled something she couldn't make out.
"Mm? What was that?"
He turned his head away from her, more than likely suppressing a glare. "...I said 'why just benefit yourself when you can benefit everyone."
"Oh, but that's the best part! Killing him would benefit a lot of people."
"Not as much as someone who can prevent people like him from committing crimes in the first place!" He continued pacing and gesticulating as though he was on a stage for a presentation. "All you need is someone who knows what they're doing. Someone who isn't corrupt. There are a lot of people in positions of authority that abuse that power, going against everything they should stand for. They sidestep the rules because they'd rather do what is easy, rather than what's right-"
She gave him a pointed look. "Like...that general you're training under?"
Cas stopped in his tracks, hands frozen mid-gesture. "I...yes."
"The one you gushed about?"
"...Yes."
She let his silence hang in the air. Every cop she had ever run into was a jaded, cynical, shell of a person who decided it was easier to just look the other way. The general was just as bad, if not worse and Cas would wind up just like him. So much for a date, here she was ruining his 'dreams'.
She sighed. "...I'm sorry, I know it's your job, I'm not gonna pin that on you-"
"No. You're right." His eyes were darting back and forth, the gears of his mind turning, conflicted. He clasped his hands but, surprisingly, didn't wring them. "His accomplishments are great but he is...part of the problem and…" He turned and met her gaze. "I have to receive his recommendation if I want to advance. How do I….change the system without actively participating in it?"
She looked back down at the patch and saw chunks of grass still attached to clumps of dirt. Loose blades on top in small piles that she had torn out in fistfuls without realizing. The grass bed was a wreck. "...I don't know. I wouldn't be able to."
"Then you are much braver than I am."
She scoffed. "On that, we can agree. But who knows, maybe the law will miraculously prevail and I won't have to take matters into my own hands." She met his eye again. "But it's not a bet I would take.
"...Hm." Cas stood, one hand on his chin, the other on his hip. His mind was far away, and his subvocals rumbled thoughtfully, as though running the numbers for an unsolvable problem. His expression was grim.
"...Turning into quite the serious date, huh?" She gave him what she hoped was a reassuring wink.
That seemed to work. "Oh..!" His head snapped up. "Uh…!"
"So!" She wiped the dirt from her hands and tried to think of a better way to steer him out of his ethical dilemma. "Organize everything, huh?"
"What?"
"Is that what you said? You want to write laws, reform the system, and all that?
"Oh, well…yeah. I'm a long way off but…" He shuffled his feet and stared at the ground sheepishly. "I've always wanted to be in a position to bring order, true order, to the world. Maybe a legislator, write laws that can ultimately come into fruition or maybe even be promoted to..." He shook his head. "It's a long-shot, I know.
"So what's your ultimate goal? Like a Primarch?"
Cas balked. "Primarch, uh, I don't know about that-"
Marcella sat up. "Okay, forget titles, you're in charge. That's it. Your word is law. What's the first thing you do?"
His subvocals whined in embarrassment. "I...It's silly, we really don't have to talk about this if you don't want to-"
"No, come on, this could be fun! Pretend like I'm your assistant." She held out her hands and mimicked tapping on an invisible datapad. "Okay, Mr. Vakarian. You're in charge. Go."
"Umm...I..I mean...well..." He stuck out a hand toward her. "obviously, I would scour turian space of pirates and set up protections for the outer colonies...!"
A light feeling filled her belly and spread throughout her chest. "I...like the sound of that. But admittedly that could take a while and I was thinking something more, uh, immediate." She cleared her throat and attempted to shake the feeling away. Okay, one more line like that out of you, and I swear...
"Hmm...the first thing I'd do…?" He was pacing again, his mouth moving wordlessly along with his thoughts. "Well...to be honest...I always had this one idea…"
She smiled as he walked past. "Well?"
He stopped suddenly and went rigid as though called to attention. "I got it."
Her hands hovered over the pretend keyboard. "I'm ready!"
"First thing I'm doing..." His back was to her and it almost seemed like he was addressing all the stars in the sky. She grinned wider. His excitement was infectious.
"Yeah?"
"...if I was in charge…" He put a hand on his hip, the other arm bent at the elbow, hand pointed skyward. She didn't know if he was making a point or if he was always this dramatic.
"Uh-huh?"
"iiiis…"
"Yeees?"
He turned, face full of triumph, eyes locked on and finger pointed straight at her.
"I'm gonna…...…!"
The word turned into a small squeak as his voice seemed to die in his throat. His eyes went wide and he froze, as though shocked to see her sitting there.
Marcella stared back, hands still poised, mouth parted, hanging onto his every word. She leaned forward a little more, eyebrow plates raised, waiting for his answer.
He continued to stare at her, open-mouthed, finger still pointed at her, though now starting to droop.
"...a garden."
Marcella blinked, her eager expression still plastered on her face. "...Eh?"
Castis didn't believe in the concept of true love. He didn't believe in love at first sight or soul mates or spiritual connections or in destiny of any kind. Love was never something that made sense to him. Songs and stories of the topic fell on deaf ears. It was always so overblown, so unfamiliar, so excessive. It was a part of life that wasn't for him and he had accepted it.
Until now.
Something had happened. Something had awoken. He felt it when he saw her for the first time, when they had danced together, and he felt it now, stronger than ever. Something in his heart had expanded. Like opening a door you never noticed was there. Seeing her there now, her eyes, her face, her smile, her laugh. The way she touched his shoulder, the way she joked, the way she actually cared about his feelings, his worries, his goals. She deserved everything. She was everything.
He couldn't remember what he was originally going to say. It didn't matter.
"I'm...I'm gonna give you a garden."
There was a moment where all they could do was stare at each other.
She was on her feet in seconds. In 2 steps, she was in front of him and her hands were on both sides of his face.
Castis didn't have time to react.
He felt himself be pulled forward and he met her mouth.
Electricity exploded through his chest, running down his arms and into his head until he felt like he was gonna burst. His whole body shook, but not nearly as much as his hands which were hovering in the vicinity of her waist, trembling too violently to react. She was invading all of his senses to the point where he didn't know what was up or down. A cacophony of joy, shock, fear, euphoria, and emotions he didn't even know he could feel erupted in his brain. When she pulled away it felt like it had been both a lifetime and an instant.
Her eyes were shining, still so close to his face. "...Ah...heh. Sorry, I uh-"
He leaned back in immediately, stopping the words from leaving her mouth. She elicited a small gasp followed by an excited trill he both felt and heard as it vibrated against his mouth. A courage he didn't know he possessed had taken hold and his hands managed to find their way around her waist. Everything about her was invigorating and he wanted as much of her as he could hold.
Suddenly, she broke away, her voice a hurried whisper. "Lie down."
He was in a daze. "Hhh...wha..?"
She hooked her leg behind his and swung it back, forcing him to stumble and taking them both roughly to the ground.
"Oof-!" The sky lurched into view, partially blocked by the dark shape of her silhouette as he felt her weight press on top of him. He felt her breath on his neck and her hands work up his chest pulling roughly at the fastenings. Ice ran up his spine as her intentions were suddenly made clear. "Wh...whoa, hold on, r-right here? Right now?"
Her eyes flashed wickedly as she pawed at the clasps of his uniform. "Oh, yeah…!"
"Wait, wait - !" He grabbed her wrists as his stomach squeezed into knots. "Stop!"
She paused, slowly raising herself from his chest, and gave him an apologetic look. "...Damn. I read it wrong again, didn't I?"
"No!" He fought to steady his breathing. "No, I….! It's just…I…!" He sat up on his elbows. His thoughts banged around his head in a mindless jumble. "I...I've…"
You can do this. Don't screw this up again.
"I've never…n-never…!"
Her eyes went wide. She slowly leaned back with a look of apparent understanding. "Oooooh…! Oh, I see…!" Her tone was not reassuring.
He felt his chest squeeze. "You...do…?"
"Don't worry! It's okay, really!" She shuffled off of him hurriedly, taking extra care at the placement of her hands. She sat back down on the ground, leaving a generous amount of space between them. Also not reassuring. "It's perfectly fine, don't be embarrassed."
"...Are you sure…?"
"Of course! There's nothing wrong with being…inexperienced."
Castis's eyes practically bulged out of his head.
NO! NO NO NO!
"We can just...take it slow! Or talk!" She continued. "We can just keep talking-"
The skin under his plates burned and he sputtered helplessly. "That's not-! I'm..! W-wh...I'm plenty experienced….!" He balled his hands into fists and jammed them into his eyes, moaning in defeat. "That's not what I was going to say…!"
She raised her hands in surrender and shook her head in utter bemusement. "Uh, okay then! I'm listening. Take your time."
Castis inhaled slowly through his teeth. The wave of anxiety swelled. "What I...meant to say was..."
"M-hm?" She nodded encouragingly, her mandibles pulling into a smile.
The words were like agony coming out of his throat. "I've...never….felt…"
Her smile faded a little.
"...this way about someone…"
She blinked a little too rapidly.
"...before."
"...Oh."
There was a reluctance in her subvocals that made his heart sink into his stomach, the numbness of its void filled his chest as the wave crashed down, pulling him under. He wrung his hands raw, the nails biting into the backs of his hands.
Marcella snatched his wrists and forced his hands apart. "Okay, seriously, you're gonna end up squeezing these things off."
The slight amusement in her voice didn't shift his focus. He was still drowning under the wave. "...It's too much, isn't it." It wasn't a question. He was always too much.
He tried to pull his hands away but she held firm.
"No, don't...Cas, I do like you."
He shivered at the informality. It never got old.
"I just, uh…you're giving me a lot of credit here." She chuckled dryly. "Once you get to know me, you'll probably change your mind."
He gave his head a small shake.
Never.
"How about we just...see what happens?" She gave her shoulders a small shrug.
"...Yes. Yes, of course." He felt the wave recede, his head popping up to take a breath of air. "Take it slow, start over, do it right. Like a…"
"A first date?" She winked at him. "A real first date?"
"Y-yes! Exactly. Maybe...dinner?"
Her laugh made his heart leap. "Sure."
His heart was racing and he felt emboldened. "After that, we can officially start our courtship."
"Oh, heh, okay..."
"We can start visiting each other regularly, following the general's approval-"
His speech came faster and faster. He knew he was blowing it but he couldn't stop.
"-maybe you could even work at the fort and then we could have a shared living space until I am promoted-"
"Well, uh-"
"-and then when we are legally joined-"
"Oh, wow-"
"-you can come with me to wherever I am stationed, we can build our own house, and together we'll bring order to turian space as we climb the citizen-ship tier-"
Slowly, she lifted her hands until they were hovering an inch from either side of his face.
"-then when we both retire-"
She clapped them against the sides of his cheekplates with a light smack.
Castis blinked, the deafening hum of his mind finally slowing to a quiet.
"Dinner would be great." Marcella smiled, her subvocals thrummed a calming tone.
"...Okay." He felt all the tension release from his body with her touch, her voice. A date. A real date. With her. Warmth permeated his chest, spreading down into his fingers. "But...when…where?"
Her shoulders bounced again. "Hm, I don't know, tomorrow night?"
Tomorrow! So soon. So far away.
"Maybe your place?" Her eyes narrowed and her mandibles twitched playfully. "Sorry, need more time…?"
"N-no, that's...fine." The beat of his heart thudded in his ears and he tore his eyes away from her, all his senses were overloaded and it was getting hard to breathe.
A date, tomorrow, my room. She's gonna be in my room. Tomorrow. Alone. With me.
He stared out across the flat landscape. Strands of green were littering the ground by the hundreds, being pulled about by the wind and he counted them to relax his breathing....12, 13, 14,...Wait.
"Oh…!"
Castis leapt to his feet, his eyes following the source of the strands and settling on the disheveled patch of Marcella's grass. Ripped, unkempt, and uprooted.
"No…" He scooped up a handful of blades, coarse in his fingers, the green shifting into white at the root. Dry, but still full of life. "Your patch…"
"Guess I was a little too rough." Marcella walked over to the now dilapidated plot and bent over to sift through the clumps of dirt and fibers, plucking up a few strands. "Damn, it was so expensive too."
"Maybe...we can fix it?"
"Hmm, I think it's a lost cause...ah, well!" She flopped down on what remained of the mangled patch sending clouds of dust into the air, her arms crossed behind her head. "No point in wasting it."
"You're not upset?"
A smile tugged at her mandibles and her eyes closed. "Nah, I think...tonight was worth it." She patted the grass next to her. "Join me. It will only be soft for one more night until it dries out."
Castis sat down next to her, the warmth returning to spread throughout his limbs.
She thinks I'm worth it….
"I...really can't stay. I have to report back before tomorrow." He hummed reluctantly, staring at soft grass, her form splayed upon it, nestled in his jacket. It looked so comfortable. His chest tugged in longing.
"Mm, okay..." She murmured.
"Well...maybe just...for a minute." He slid down beside her, the smell of the grass and uprooted earth filling his nose, her warmth next to him. He felt his eyelids grow heavy.
"...Mmm…." The weak rumble in her throat and the steadiness of her breathing told him she was already fading.
He fought to keep his eyes open. Just for a moment. Can't fall asleep. Just a few more minutes…..
He looked at the sky, a myriad of twinkling lights. So numerous, so close together, some winking so faintly it was impossible to tell they were there. He gave a half-hearted grumble of irritation.
Stupid...uncountable...stars…...
