The morning sun shone down hot and oppressive on Marcella's face, the light cutting through the darkness of sleep. She stirred, bleary-eyed, as the bulky form of her bedfellow (grassfellow?) swam into view. Cas was asleep next to her, or rather, practically on top of her. An arm and leg were swung over her haphazardly, his face nestled close to her neck. She herself had her arm around his waist.
Oh...that's right…
The memories of last night flooded her dulled senses. She remembered his words, their embrace, and a light feeling spread from her fingers to her toes. She gently removed her arm and stretched it above her head, basking in the warmth of the sun and the feeling of his breath on her neck. She wanted nothing more than to wrap her arm back around his waist and go back to sleep, but his head rose slowly, eyes squinting into the brightness.
She hummed at him in a dulcet tone. "Morning."
Cas swung his head lazily toward her, still blinking the sleep from his eyes. He returned a hum in the same tone of sleepy contentment.
"Mor-"
His eyes snapped open and he turned toward the blazing horizon in horror.
"Morning?! Morning!?"
He leapt to his feet, accidentally kicking clumps of dirt and stray bits of grass over her.
"Spirits-! No-! I was out all night! I didn't report in last night! I didn't report in this morning!"
He skipped hand-wringing and went straight to clenching his fists, alternating between shaking them violently and knocking them against his temples as he walked around in panicky little circles.
"I'm dead, I'm dead! This is it - it's - it's all over-"
"Hey - stop - calm down-!" She held out her hand to him but he ignored her. It was no use, no amount of shoulder touching and soothing humming was gonna calm him this time. He seemed well and truly screwed.
"Sh-should I run? Should I just start running?" He asked no one in particular. "No...no, it would take me hours to- AAARGH!" His hands went to his head and he clawed anxiously at his crest, his whole body shivering. "What do I do, what do I do-?!
"Wait - hovercycle! My hovercycle!" Marcella sputtered. "I can give you a ride! Quick!" She scrambled to her feet and snatched his wrist. "It's down the hill! Follow me, I can take you - look at me, look at me-!" She grabbed his shoulders and gave him a firm shake, jostling him back from the brink. "I got this, it'll be okay! Come on, hurry!"
Something finally seemed to snap him out of it and he allowed himself to be pulled to the edge of the plateau. Together they half-ran, half-stumbled down the hill, kicking up loose rocks and clouds of dust. They hit the ground running, following Marcella's lead toward Nadir, now dull, gray, and silent, a far cry from the gaudy facade it displayed at night. Marcella's gaze roved over the small shack and the now silent bar until it landed on a suspicious-looking lump among heaps of discarded metal near the back of the building.
"Here-!"
She pulled at the scrap, tossing it aside, revealing the concealed bike. Leading it away from the wall, she swung a leg over and made a show of flipping a series of switches. "Just a second, it's...a little tricky!" As she toggled the switches her other hand sneakily fiddled with some exposed wiring until the engine finally sputtered to life, hovering a few inches off the ground. She jerked her head toward him. "Hop on!"
Cas paused and looked at the bike, twirling his fingers nervously.
"What is it?" Marcella tapped the handle impatiently. "Come on, aren't you in a hurry?"
"...No helmets…?
She stared back at him in disbelief. "...Are you kidding me?!"
"Right - sorry!"
He clambered on and placed his hands awkwardly around her waist. She revved the cycle and set off toward the direction of the fort. His whimpering was audible even over the din of the bike.
"We'll make it!" She yelled over the noise. "It'll be okay!"
His breathing only continued to be more ragged. "No...no, no, no it will not-"
"I'm going as fast as I can! Just try to think about something else!"
"Like how dangerous it is to ride a bike without a helmet!?"
"You're the one who broke my last one!"
"...I did!?"
"You headbutted me!"
Cas fell silent. The only sound Marcella heard for a few miles was the wind and the whirring of the bike.
"...You couldn't get a new one!?" He said finally.
Marcella laughed loudly over the whir of the engine. "I guess I had other things on my mind!"
"It's just - it's against regulations to operate a vehicle without the proper safety gear-!"
"Cas, I will make you walk!"
In the distance, a familiar squat structure grew larger on the horizon. Marcella felt Cas's claws dig into her waist, his breath came heavy and his body shook against her back.
"That's it!"
"Yeah, I know!"
She twisted the handles 180 degrees and tapped the thruster to kill its momentum. The blast from the hoverjet sprayed bits of sand everywhere as Cas already released his grip on her waist. The bike pitched forward as he hopped off, stumbling before breaking into a sprint toward the heavy metal door.
"Wait-!"
Cas stopped and turned, bouncing from foot to foot impatiently. "What? What is it!?"
Marcella dismounted the bike and slipped off his jacket. She trotted toward him and held it out. "Your jacket!"
"Oh, yeah-" He jogged back toward her and reached out for it.
She grabbed his wrist and pulled it forward. His breath hitched and his shoulders quaked in surprise.
"N-not here, someone might be watching-!"
She breathed a laugh as she lifted his wrist and activated his omni-tool, typing in a series of digits. "Don't get excited - I'm linking my comm ID."
"...Right." His nose crinkled and he shook his head in embarrassment.
She released him and her mandibles flicked in a wicked smile. "The real excitement comes later."
Cas's eyes went wide. "Uh-!"
"...Well, see you tonight!" She turned on her heel and hopped on the cycle before he could say anything. She laughed to herself. Always leave them wanting more.
As she rode off, the deafening whirr of the cycle vibrating through her chest, the words from last night echoed in her head.
'I've never felt like this before'
He had babbled on about plans. A future. Her heart squeezed. It was cute but…
She sighed and pushed it out of her mind. No point in even entertaining the idea. He probably didn't even mean it. It was just jitters or maybe it's been a while since he had been with anyone, or perhaps just general naivete. But, there was something between them, no doubt about that. Surely, after they...work it out, he'll calm down. Still, it was a nice sentiment.
Oh well.
Castis watched her shrink into the distance even as precious seconds ticked by.
Tonight. Their date. How could he have forgotten? He turned and walked toward the entrance, feeling lighter than he had all morning. He felt as if he could suddenly face whatever was behind that door. He held his breath and punched in the code on the keypad. A buzz rang out and he closed his eyes, his heart thudding against his chest. He heard the slide of the metal door and braced himself for the inevitable.
Immediately, he felt a hand grab him by the cowl and jerk him inside. Before his eyes could adjust to the dim interior, the back of his head slammed against the side of the metal hallway.
"Where were you?" A flanging voice growled, fury tainting every syllable.
"Sir-"
"You failed to report in. Thought you could go AWOL? Did you forget the punishment for desertion?" The general pressed him harder against the metal wall causing Castis to wince.
"Sir, I...I...!-"
"Speak!"
"I-I was patrolling a remote area of our jurisdiction. I was compromised and had to lay low. I couldn't get out undetected until morning."
More lies. They were starting to rack up.
"Compromised, hm?" The general's subharmonics rumbled in mockery. "On what was supposed to be a simple patrol? Then why didn't you send a message? Why didn't you call for back-up?"
Castis's innards froze. He swallowed and tried his best to steady his voice. "...I was inside so I couldn't send out a message without alerting-"
"You went inside? I don't recall that being a part of your orders." The playful skepticism persisted but blue light had flared around him, a terrifying warning.
"I know, but…" Every fiber of Castis's being ached. To lie was pure agony but what could he say?
I went inside because I thought Marcella might be there and I wanted to see her again.
"...I thought...I saw something...and the assignment didn't specifically state I wasn't supposed to - so I didn't know if-"
"Oh? Another 'miscommunication'?"
"...Uh-"
There was a loud bang next to Castis's head as General Faldos punched the wall with a blue-tinged fist. The sound reverberated off the narrow entryway and rang in Castis's ears.
Castis steeled himself, and looked straight ahead, careful to not even blink. Dealing with the general was the same as dealing with a wild animal. Don't make direct eye contact, no sudden movements.
Faldos yanked Castis away from the wall and threw him down the hall. The general straightened up, now speaking in a forced calm that only put Castis more on edge.
"Guard duty. Night Shift. Every night. During the day, you will inventory the weapons and supply cache and you will check in with the administration in person every hour on the hour."
"Yes-
Wait. WAIT.
"-sir..." Castis felt his stomach curdle and he clenched his hands to keep them from trembling. He readied a question though he had a feeling he already knew the answer.
"...for how long, sir?"
The general eyes flashed in malice and his subvocals rumbled in rage. He lifted his hands and flexed his fingers in mocking air quotes.
"Until we solve this 'miscommunication' problem."
He turned and paced off into the dark of the corridor. "Go report to the armory, your duty starts in 10."
"...Yes, sir." Castis's throat tightened painfully, like swallowing a hot knife.
No. No! Tonight...It was supposed to be tonight…!
His limbs became heavy. His head pounded. A thick fog swarmed around him, tugging at his limbs and he felt himself sink into a bog of pure grief. He dragged his feet back toward his quarters.
This was supposed to be his chance. His one chance. They had agreed on tonight and now it will have to be postponed. If it still happens at all. She's probably already changed her mind. She will realize this was all a big mistake, a flight of fancy, a temporary lapse in judgement-
"There you are!"
Castis jerked violently, a reflex that always came whenever Fedorian spoke in his usual booming manner. He towered over Castis, his pale yellow markings striping his chin and cheek plates. His large stature was matched by his boisterous personality that tended to catch people off guard.
"I've been pinging you all morning!"
Castis sighed, a hand subconsciously moved toward his wrist where his communicator was. Of course, it was probably full of missed messages. He popped it open and checked his inbox. The newest one pinged.
UNKNOWN: Can't wait for tonight
It was her. Already. What little light he had left in him died.
"Spirits, were you really found out? You should've called me that must have been quite the ordeal-"
"Yeah, I-"
"-you should've let me come with you, or called me or-"
"I handled it." He mumbled miserably. He reluctantly tapped a message in response to her. Might as well get it over with.
C: Sorry I can't anymore. I have guard duty all night.
"-at least you're alright I can't imagine what could've happened if…" Fedorians voice echoed down the corridor as they walked. Castis barely paid attention, his mind was buzzing with anxiety. Finally, he saw the communicator blink and his stomach plummeted. He braced himself for utter heartache.
UNKNOWN: Sounds fun, what time should I come by?
Castis's stomach rocketed back up and into his throat.
"-was one hell of a dressing down!" Fedorian continued. "You okay?"
Castis tapped on the projected keyboard. He turned his head toward Fedorian, but his eyes remained glued to the orange screen. "Uh...yeah."
C: I don't know how it would work.
blink
UNKNOWN: I'll make it work
"Are you sure?"
Castis typed furiously on his tool. "About what...?"
C: Do you really want to? It's not worth it
Fedorian looked back and tilted his head in confusion. He shouted even louder. "About being okay?!"
Castis jumped at the outburst. "Y-yes, I'm fine!"
blink
He jerked his head back toward the screen, his heart beating hard against his ribs.
UNKNOWN: Of course it is
Fedorian was gobsmacked. "...Really? You're not gonna, like, try to drown yourself in the shower or something?"
Castis waved him off impatiently. "I said I'm fine."
Fedorian stopped and turned, eyebrow plates furrowed and mandibles twitching anxiously. He held out a hand to stop Castis from going any further, his tone laced with concern.
"Vakarian...did something happen? You're scaring me." His eyes flicked over to the orange display. "Who are you talking to?"
Castis froze. Fedorian was right, this isn't how he would normally react at all. Even a superior officer looking at him the wrong way usually sent him in an anxiety-ridden spiral. This was the worst General Faldos had ever yelled at him but he just shrugged it off because...because...
No. He couldn't tell Fedorian the truth, the smug look on his face would be unbearable.
"...Uh...I mean..." Castis tapped off the UI and turned his head. He balled his hands into fists and rumbled in a tone he hoped portrayed proper shame. "I'm just...really upset about the reprimand. It was...awful."
Fedorian relaxed and nodded sympathetically, relieved now that things seemed to be behaving as they should. "Hey, it's okay. It sounded like a pretty scary ordeal!"
"Mm, yeah..." Castis rubbed his hand against the comm on his wrist. There was still so much he wanted to say to her.
"Tell you what," Fedorian clapped him on the shoulder. "how about tonight when everyone's asleep I can sneak out and we can hang-"
"NO!"
Fedorian jumped at the outburst, mandibles flaring in fear.
"...I mean…" Castis cleared his throat nervously. "...that's nice of you but please don't, it's fine, I'll do it on my own."
Fedorian shrugged. "I'm just trying to make you feel better! I know how you can get-"
"I told you, it's fine! I'm...it's gonna be fine." Castis felt his heart beat faster as he thought of tonight. There was a lot to plan.
"Alright, if you say so - and Vakarian," Fedorian looked around and lowered his voice, a rare occurrence. "Seriously, forget what Faldos said, you thought you were doing the right thing and that's what counts. "
"Yeah," Castis mumbled.
"But next time you try something like that, take me with you. We help each other, that's part of the deal!"
"...Right."
The deal.
Ortus Academy was one of the most prestigious military academies outside of Palaven. Stationed on a small moon orbiting Machia, a cobalt gas giant in the Nialin system, the academy had the long-standing goal of training the best and brightest the Turian species had to offer. Although the recruitment and selection process was grueling, Ortus cadets had access to the most cutting-edge military tech and were taught by some of the Hierarchy's most seasoned officers.
Castis didn't have any trouble securing a spot between his influential family and Sargeant Tiran's personal recommendation. He threw himself into his studies both physical and mental, excelling above his peers. There was only one thing he wasn't good at.
Lunch was his least favorite part of the day. Being forced to sit in the cafeteria surrounded by people he had no intention of talking to. He usually passed the time by reading while the rest of his peers socialized. It was a world he wasn't a part of.
Fedorian, however, certainly was. He was the loudest and certainly the tallest in the room. He commanded attention. He was easily friends with half the students and staff and he charmed his way out of most of his responsibilities. If Castis wasn't obsessed with the next test, the next physical, he might even be jealous. But of course, that kind of thing didn't matter. What mattered was completing his education and finishing his training. Still, he couldn't help but feel a little sour every time he saw Fedorian surrounded by a group of peers, laughing at his jokes, his dumb anecdotes, hanging on to his every word...
After lunch, Castis sat in his dorm, small and windowless, thinking about the next exam. It wasn't for a while, but one could never be too prepared, then he could tidy up a bit-
A sudden loud knock on the door made him jump, jolting him out of his thoughts. He counted the two and a half steps it took to cross the tiny room, feeling a bit nervous. Probably another surprise room inspection. The door slid open before he could reach it.
Castis snapped to attention. "Sir-!"
"Hello!"
Castis recoiled, both at the loud response and at the sheer size of the figure in the doorway.
"Oh-!" He took a moment to collect himself. "You're-"
"Quintin Fedorian," The figure bowed, sweeping his hand to his side and lowering his head so far forward it came parallel to his waist, "at your service!"
"Uh-"
"And you," He put a finger to Castis's chest. "are Castis Vakarian!"
Castis sputtered, still shaken by the volume. "Y-yes, I-"
"Top of the class!" Fedorian boomed. "The pride of the academy. All eyes are on you, you know!"
"Uh, well- "
"I saw your mile times. Incredible! Mind if I come in?" Without waiting for an answer, he side-stepped Castis and barged into the small windowless room.
"Wait, hold on-!"
"Wow, you keep a tight ship! I'm jealous!" Fedorian gestured to the immaculate bed and small bookshelf, containing only a handful of training manuals. "And a single room! Lucky…" He picked up one of the manuals and perused it for a few seconds before putting it back in a different place and selecting another.
Castis wrung his hands, his stomach twisting painfully. He made a mental note to rearrange the books back in order after this sudden intruder left, preferably very soon. "Listen, is there...something I can do for you or...?"
"Ah, yes!" Fedorian put another manual back in a random spot and turned to Castis, pointing both fingers excitedly. "I have a bit of a proposition for you!"
"...You do?"
"You see," Fedorian took a few steps closer. "You're very good at, well, everything. I've been watching you and..." He rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled awkwardly, "...ah, how do I put this..."
Castis braced himself, his nerves continuing to spike.
"I just noticed you were sitting alone and...I actually haven't seen you with anyone and...I was wondering if you'd like to..." Fedorian's subvocals rubbled warmly but also hesitantly. "...get to know each other better? Maybe over lunch or...something...?"
"Oh...I...uh..."Castis squeezed his hands painfully, the tips of his fingers becoming numb. "You...you seem...very nice but..."
"I am! I promise!"
"But..." Castis took a deep breath and straightened up, his voice firm. "I'm sorry, I am not interested in a romantic relationship at this time."
Fedorian's mandibles tightened against his face and his eyes went wide.
He erupted in a laugh that was so loud it caused the walls to practically shake. Castis resisted the urge to duck and cover. For a few moments, all he did was laugh as though it was the funniest thing he had ever heard, bent over and clutching his sides in mirth. Castis stood by awkwardly, his irritation growing.
"Oh! Oh...oh my…!" Fedorian wiped his eyes, still chuckling, "Ah, no I...no. Sorry, you're...not my type. " He smiled, his voice finally becoming steady again. "I meant...as friends."
Castis blinked in confusion. "You just...want to be my friend?"
"Yeah!"
He felt a lump in his throat that he quickly swallowed. He'd played this game before. "Why?"
"Well...because you're so…" Fedorian gestured at him as though willing him to finish the sentence. "so…!"
He narrowed his eyes. "...You need something from me."
Fedorian dropped his arms, charade over. "Okay, look- you've seen my scores. You've seen my run times. Everyone has. I'm falling behind and the higher-ups are starting to notice. You are the best, there's no doubt about that. I wasn't lying when I said they all had their eyes on you. Once you get out of here, they'll be clamoring to recruit you. However...I noticed you haven't really made any kind of...acquaintances here and honestly, that's also pretty important for climbing the ladder. You know?"
Castis shuffled his feet, his stomach tightening. "...So?"
"So...how about we become friends? I know everyone here! I introduce you to them and bam-" he punched one of his open palms, "connections! And then in return...you help me with my poor scores. Maybe coach me a little?"
Castis rubbed his chin, mulling the offer in his head. Something felt off. "Your marks aren't very good but they are technically passable. Why is my help so important?"
Fedorian grimaced and walked toward the bed. He took a seat on the tight sheets and pristine pillows. "Well, to be honest...I'm under a lot of pressure from my family."
Castis tightened his jaw at the sight of the wrinkled sheets. "I see..."
"Yeah, you have no idea-!" With a groan, Fedorian flopped back onto the bunk, putting his feet up on the spotless sheets and folding his arms behind his head. He let out a long exaggerated sigh. "I have four siblings. Two majors, a captain, and a damn colonel!"
Castis tore his eyes away from his defiled cot. "So...you want to live up to them?"
"No, that's just it!" Fedorian flung his arms up at the ceiling. "I don't! I want to be a nobody! I'd kill for a boring, low-ranking job! A cushy position where nothing I do matters and no one cares."
"Then why the hell-?"
"Because you-" Fedorian rolled onto his side and pointed at Castis, eyes blazing. "-can give me that job. You will be the one in charge. All you have to do is walk through the door, and I can open that door!"
He sat up, gesturing excitedly. "I know people! My family knows people! I'm good at introductions but not getting results. That's where you come in. Just help boost my scores a bit and," he opened his arms wide and beamed, "I'll get you whatever you need!"
Castis considered. Fedorian seemed genuine enough, if not...loud and abrasive. And he was right - turians valued following orders, but it was leadership skills and relationships that would propel him up the ranks of society. "Well...if you really need my help-"
"Excellent!" Fedorian hopped off the bed and strode back toward the door. "I'll be in touch, we should start as soon as possible! Thanks, Castis." He stopped and turned. "Sorry, can I call you Castis?'
Castis flicked his mandibles in irritation. "No."
Fedorian didn't miss a beat. "Okay then!"
"This...this is a nightmare..."
The waning haze of evening lit up the clouds in pinks and purples, casting the dusty track field and Fedorian's form, facedown in the dirt, in a soft, warm glow. Castis knelt beside him, frustration etched on his face. They had been out here for hours and had accomplished very little. It had been the same all week. Fedorian tried to wiggle his way out of every exercise that was even remotely challenging. Going to the library proved just as fruitless. At least out here, there were no books to throw in frustration.
Castis sighed and rested an arm on one bent knee. "...Are you finished?"
"I'm taking a nap - goodnight."
"...You've only done forty push-ups. The minimum is a hundred. How did you even pass basic training?"
Fedorian continued to lay motionless as though if he laid still enough he could blend into the dirt. "...I'm hungry."
Castis snarled in a tone he hoped was both intimidating and motivating. "Get up, soldier!"
"Oh, don't even start."
"What's the matter?"
"Nothing. I just...hate this. I have no incentive. Everything hurts."
"The incentive is to graduate. Would you rather go to the library again?"
"Ugh, no." Fedorian groaned and pushed himself up shakily before his arms gave in and he face-planted back into the dirt. "I'm done, my arms are shot. Can we go inside now?"
"No. You said you needed my help and that's what I'm going to do." Castis got down next to him and started doing push-ups rapidly in succession.
"First - focus on - counting your reps! 1 - 2 - 3 - 4!
Fedorian groaned and looked on enviously. "You make it look so easy!"
Castis continued, arms pumping, breath coming out in quick gasps between reps. "And then you - just equate - what you're doing - to what you're studying - think of it - like a cadence - !"
"What?"
"Before - Ortus Academy - was formed - this location - was used - as a peace summit -"
Fedorian's mouth shot open. "Whoa-!"
"- for the - Shanta-Tuvas War - that was considered - a failure - !"
"You're amazing!" Fedorian looked on enviously. "There's no way I can do that!"
"Yes - you can - !"
"No, I can't. How the hell do you do that?!"
"You have - to want it - bad enough - !" With a final exhale, he leaned back on his knees and dusted off his hands. "Alright, back to the library-"
"Aw, what!?"
Castis was already on his feet. "Let's go."
"We were just...uuuugh! "Fedorian flopped onto his back, causing a cloud of dust to swirl up around him. "Listen...maybe this was a bad idea. You don't have to do this-!"
"Get up."
"Really, I'll just waste your time! I don't know what I was thinking-"
"Come on!" Castis had already turned and started walking toward a large, domed building that loomed over the track.
"-I'll still be your friend...!"
Castis froze, one foot still in the air. His stomach tightened painfully. Fedorian didn't really mean that of course, he was just being nice. He already had more friends than he knew what to do with. He would hang out for a polite amount of time then never call on him again. Besides, this wasn't a 'real' friendship, it was just an arrangement and he was a man of his word. "I already agreed to help you. End of discussion."
Behind him, he heard shuffling and a sigh. "Well, don't worry, when I fail my next physical, I'll still help you talk to people, it's what we agreed-"
Castis stopped and turned back toward him, hands on his hips. "You're not failing on my watch!"
Fedorian looked up from the ground, eyes wide and mouth slightly open. Suddenly, he scrambled to his feet and jogged over to Castis's side, his subvocals purring in a friendly and excited tone.
Castis blinked warily. "What?
"It's just...I know a lot of people and...I like to think I'm friends with them all, right? We hang out, we have a few laughs and I try to help them when they need it." Fedorian chuckled half-heartedly. "but...well...it seems that when I need help they tend to be...unavailable." He looked at him pointedly. "...You know what I mean?"
Castis was taken aback. The idea of Fedorian not having his large network of people fall over themselves to help him with anything he would ever want seemed impossible. "Oh, uh, I really don't...mind helping you. It's not just about the deal. I want to."
Fedorian's happy noises permeated the air around them. "Are you sure?! There's still time to change your mind!"
"Mm, no." Castis shook his head, thrumming back in a tone he hoped sounded amicable. "Once my mind is made up, there's no going back."
"Well...if you insist!" Fedorian laughed and clapped Castis so hard on the shoulder it made his knees buckle. Together, they made their way to the domed library.
"You know, you can call me Quintin if you want to!"
"I will not."
The Founder's Ball was a mandatory social event commemorating the establishment of the Academy. The night was filled with a formal dinner, dancing, and maybe even elbow-rubbing with high-ranking officials looking out for promising cadets. To most, it was a welcome reprieve from academics and physical training. To Castis it was the worst night of the year.
Usually, he would show up, spend the minimum amount of time he was required to be there, stand awkwardly in the corner, and speak to no one. If he was particularly unlucky he'd be paraded around to scouting recruiters by an over-enthusiastic instructor, but otherwise, he was usually able to get out unscathed. Unfortunately, Fedorian had assured him this night would be different.
He tugged at the stiff collar of his dress blues, his breath coming faster and faster, heart thudding in his chest. He felt hot despite the chill of the night air. He walked up the hill reluctantly, single file along with the other cadets, toward Traetus Hall, a large white building with its name emblazoned on the side. His hands started to shake as they came closer, to the arching, white entrance of the ballroom. "I don't think I can do this-"
"Sure you can!" Fedorian's voice boomed even louder than usual over the lines of cadets filing into the room. "You've been to events like this before, and it's not like you never-"
Fedorian paused, glancing at Castis with an air of apprehension. "I mean, I know you're pretty shy but...you've...been with someone, right?"
The skin under his plates burned. "Of course I have, damn it!"
"Oh - well then you know how this works! This will be easier than I thought, I was afraid you would be completely inexperi-"
"It doesn't get any easier! It's still hard, it's hard every time." Castis's breathing became more ragged. He had his fair share of 'experience'. No one got through boot camp without fooling around, it was practically a rite of passage. Relationships were another matter. They tended to like him well enough at first - until he opened his stupid mouth. It always ended the same way. He felt the wave of anxiety begin to swell. "It's...it's hard."
Fedorian chuckled teasingly. "It's not hard! Just talk!"
"Of course it's hard!"
Fedorian laughed again, his dismissive tone putting Castis on edge. "Oh, come on, no it isn't! Just talk about...I don't know, the music, the food, whatever they're into. Laugh at their boring jokes, compliment them. Too easy."
"But-"
"Hell, talk about whatever you're into if that makes it easier, you're handsome enough to get away with it."
Castis felt himself start to shake. "I don't even know how to start-"
"Here, look at me." Fedorian turned and grabbed him roughly by the shoulders. "Pretend I'm some random person." He flared his mandibles in a friendly expression. "Hi! Nice weather, huh!?" He gestured up at the night sky, partially obscured by the large blue planet they were orbiting. "Great view!"
Castis tensed. He took a deep breath and tried to focus but his mind buzzed deafeningly. "...Hello...yes...d-did you know that the Nialin system used to lie in the middle of turian space and was used as a strategic location that gained its reputation as a, uh, 'fleet grinder' and that's why so much debris, uh, l-litters the system...?"
Fedorian stared, his mandibles twitching slightly. "...Okay, forget that, how about we get you something to drink first, that might lighten you up!"
"I don't like alcohol-"
"What do you like to drink?"
"Water?"
"...What besides water?"
"Why would I drink anything besides water?"
Fedorian rubbed his temples as though fighting off a migraine. "...Alright, look, you got this. I'm here to help you! This won't be hard at all - let's go!"
He wrapped an arm roughly around Castis's shoulders and steered him forcefully toward the throngs of people.
"Hey-!"
Maneuvering smoothly through the crowd they came upon the wide-open ballroom, its high ceiling adorned with ornate lighting fixtures, the sound of laughter and conversation from the plethora of officers and cadets filling the air. Castis stiffened. His eyes darted around, counting the blinding lights, the sleek uniform tables filled with food, the hundreds upon hundreds of people he was going to be forced to interact with. His chest went tight and his legs started to wobble. His thoughts buzzed.
"Here's what we're gonna do," Fedorian's voice sounded far away. He loosened his grip and swept his arm toward the sea of formally dressed cadets. "Just pick somebody and I'll do the rest!"
Castis tucked his head into his cowl, growling in discontent. "...I hate you."
"Not after tonight, you won't!" Fedorian chuckled and pushed him forward."Alright, which one do you like? Anyone catching your eye?"
"I really don't want…!" Castis squirmed, recoiling at the sight of the room. Everything was so bright - so open and loud. He longed for the safety of a secluded corner. Bodies swarmed the center of the room, eating, laughing, shouting. So many already seemed paired up though a few loitered around the trussed-up tables sporting food and drink. One table had an elaborate fountain that sprinkled rivets of dark wine. A tall female loitered by the table, looking like she was polishing off her third glass judging by the empty cups scattered beside her and her slightly off-kilter stance. Her uniform was embezzled with various ribbons and medals. She lifted the glass to her mouth, the white markings around her chin standing out on her dark plates-
Fedorian pointed brazenly at her. "That one?"
"What-? No-! I didn't-!"
He felt himself being pushed toward her. He could only watch, frozen in horror as she came closer and closer. Soon she was right in front of him. There was no escape.
"Why, hello ma'am!" Fedorian shouted.
The female turned her head, slightly startled by the noise. "Oh, uh, hello..."
"My name is Quintin Fedorian and this-" He clapped Castis hard on the shoulder, sending pain shooting down his back. "- is my friend Castis Vakarian. Did you know he is the top of his class, a hand-to-hand combat specialist and currently holds the fastest mile time in the academy?"
She glanced at Castis and tilted her head. "Oh?"
"Yes!" Fedorian gripped his shoulder and shoved him forward. "and I'm sure he would love to tell you all about it!"
Castis felt the hand leave his shoulder and heard Fedorians quick footsteps grow faint behind him. He was on his own.
"Is that so?" Her eyes flitted over his fringe, his shoulders, his waist. She hummed in approval. Now for the hard part.
"...Hello…" His stomach lurched and he fiddled with the hem of his jacket. "H...How are you…?"
"Good." She answered.
"….Good."
There was a long silence. Castis's mouth was exceedingly dry. He tried to swallow but his throat was squeezed shut. The female tapped her claws on her wine glass awkwardly. The seconds ticked by.
SAY SOMETHING, YOU USELESS IDIOT.
"There's a lot of...weather outside right now. Planet...blue."
She gave him a weird look that he was all too used to receiving. "I guess..."
His hands slowly came together. "...Did you know...that...Ortus Academy was named after renowned strategist Praefecti Ortus...uh, best known for the time he goaded several dreadnoughts into pursuing his out-gunned cruiser close to a small star with an anomalously strong gravity well?"
"Um...interesting." She hummed in a tone that sounded forced.
"Y-yeah." He started squeezing and pulling at his fingers. "The dreadnoughts were too large to maneuver out of the star's...pull." He finished lamely.
Behind the woman, on the other side of the wine table, Fedorian had reappeared. He held up a wineglass and pointed at it furiously. Castis's eyes flicked from the glass Fedorian was manhandling to the glass in her hand. "C-can I get you a drink?"
"Ah, no, thanks." She lifted her glass and swirled the red liquid. "I'm all set."
"Oh, yes, of course. I meant...can I get you...another one? I see you have a few glasses around so I mean, you look like you like to...drink."
Her eyes narrowed and her mandibles flicked.
"I - I mean - I don't mean any disrespect - !" Castis sputtered, hands wringing and mind racing. "it - it's good you can drink so much and, uh, still act...normal…"
She wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Well, at least one of us is acting normal."
Embarrassment washed over him like a boiling tidal wave. "I'm...uh...I'm gonna go…"
She mumbled something in acknowledgment but he had already turned and started walking hurriedly toward the wide-open doors to the outside.
Fedorian seemed to materialize in front of him. "Okay - not great - let's try again-"
"Nope. I can't do this. I'm leaving." He made a move to sidestep him but Fedorian grabbed both his upper arms.
"I don't think so-!"
Castis squared his shoulders and pushed forward but it was like going against a wall. "Please-"
"No! We just have to try again, there's got to be -" Fedrian gasped. His eyes went wide as he seemed to spot something from across the room. His mouth fell open, mandibles clicking frantically. "By the spirits…! Of course…!"
Castis felt himself be half-carried, half-dragged across the room. He struggled to keep upright as Fedorian power-walked purposely toward one of the food stations, babbling excitedly. "I can't believe I didn't think of her sooner - you're perfect for each other - this is gonna be great - !"
They approached a long table filled with bowls and plates of various fruits. Lingering near the end was a small, thin female with dark purple markings around her forehead. She fiddled with an empty wine glass, eyes darting around nervously. She looked almost as unhappy to be there as he was.
"Livia!"
Her head snapped up, eyes bulging. She stood up straight, frantically smoothing the front of her uniform.
"M...Mr. Fedorian...!"
"Hey, come on, we talked about this," He chuckled and flashed a smile that could charm the scales off a thresher maw. "you can call me Quintin!"
"Okay...Quintin…" She breathed, eyes shining.
"Livia, listen, I need you."
Her voice shook. "Y-you do..?!"
"Yes, my friend here-" he smacked Castis hard on the back, reigniting the pain in his sore muscles, "- came by himself and I was wondering if you could show him around?"
Her mandibles drooped slightly. "...Oh. I see..."
"I think you'd get along splendidly! He especially loves military history!" He emphasized the words, meeting her eye meaningfully. "He's read it all!"
"Hmm...really?" She turned toward Castis and raised her eyebrow plates though her tone was laced with skepticism. "Have you read anything by Corinthus? Or Josteran?"
"Uh - yes I have, I actually have!" he cried, happy to have something to grasp onto. Finally. "Corinthus is actually...one of my favorites!"
"Really?" Her mandibles flicked in interest. "Not a lot of people have heard of him. He mostly covered pre-spaceflight wars. No one thinks those are very interesting anymore."
Castis nodded a little too eagerly. "I think we have a lot to learn from them, especially from the Assault on Fort Feldrius."
Her mandibles flicked wider. "I...think so too!"
"I'm gonna go get you guys some drinks…!" Fedorian rumbled excitedly, slowly backing away and smiling wide at Castis. "Don't you two go anywhere…!"
"A-although I have read about more modern conflicts." Castis continued, desperate to prevent an awkward lull in the conversation. "Recently, I've been reading about the Krogan Rebellions."
Livia nodded enthusiastically. "That was what my last history course covered." Her mandibles pulled into a shy smile. "Say...you wouldn't happen to have read To Win A War by Gultras Sulraka, would you?"
"Uh, yes, I've read that one too!"
"Oh, good!" She hummed and an air of smugness seemed to flicker across her face. "What...did you think of it?"
Castis scoffed and shook his head. "It was terrible."
Her posture stiffened and her stare became hard. "...'Terrible'?"
"Yes. That book is a joke. Clearly, General Sulraka had no idea what he was talking about."
"Um, no, General Sulraka was a military genius-"
"Are you kidding? The strategies he executed in the Battle of Miners Trench actually cost them the war."
Her mandibles clamped to her face and her subharmonics buzzed in indignation. "It certainly did not. The strategy was executed perfectly! If his squad wasn't insubordinate-"
"Well maybe if General Sulraka was a good general they actually would have listened to him!" Castis felt himself get heated. This was a subject he had thought about many times and it never failed to piss him off. "He was an awful strategist, an even worse general, and he brought nothing but shame to the Hierarchy military. If you ask me, he should've been tried and hanged-!"
She bared her teeth, her tiny body shaking in fury. "General Sulraka was my grandfather!"
Castis froze. His stomach plummeted and his throat clamped tight. "...W-was he...?"
"You - you - ignorant - bastard!" She threw her glass to the ground where it shattered, shards flying everywhere. The area went quiet as the patrons around the table turned their heads at the commotion. "How dare you!?"
"Wait-!
"I come from a line of proud hierarchy generals-!"
"Please-!"
"-no one insults my family! NO ONE!"
"I didn't know-!" Castis gave up reasoning and sprinted into a full retreat, pushing through confused and frightened cadets. There were more sounds of broken glass and screaming as her tirade continued behind him.
He managed to stop before he barreled into Fedorian who had appeared in front of him, holding two glasses of something bubbly and staring in mute horror.
"...Vakarian, what the hell?!"
"I...I didn't...how was I supposed to know…!?"
Fedorian swallowed hard and straightened up, setting the now pointless drinks on a nearby table. "Okay...okay. This is fine. You can - we can still do this. Just - we'll try again - this time - this will be the one -"
"No! I've had enough - I've had more than enough -" He attempted to walk away but Fedorian threw an arm around his chest and carried him over to the far side of the room. "Stop- stop it-!" He struggled against Fedorian's thick forearm, and he attempted to plant his feet, but it was no use.
"Herca-!" Fedorian shouted. "Herca, please, I need your help!"
A lanky female leaned against the wall, laughing heartily with two others. She turned as they approached and gave Fedorian a friendly nod.
"Oh, hey Quintin-"
"Here, my friend, he's - he's really shy, could you please just talk to him a little?" The desperation in his voice was now apparent and he gripped Castis's shoulders tightly, his claws piercing the fabric. Castis lamented the bruises he would probably have the next morning.
"Oh, sure! Who-" She locked eyes with Castis and froze, her mandibles snapping to the side of her face.
His stomach sank. Oh no. It was her.
"...Oh, it's you." Her tone was sour, her face scrunched. It seemed she had recognized him too.
Castis was sure the look on her face matched his own. They had met before. Earlier in the year, she had made the mistake of sneaking up on him in the middle of a particularly intense combative training simulation. She tried to get his attention by lightly touching him on the shoulder and he had reflexively elbowed her in the face. Apologies hadn't smoothed things over and she had a smashed nose for the rest of the course. Even looking at her now, her nose still had a slight dent.
Castis hummed weakly. "It...i-it looks like it healed nicely-"
She turned back to Fedorian, growling in disdain. "No. Way." She got up from the wall, still grumbling, and stormed off, her two companions at her heels.
"W-what? But….!" Fedorian stared after her, mouth hanging open, mandibles clicking in confusion. He took a deep breath and rubbed his face, eyes wide and searching. "...Okay!" This is fine!" His voice was still jovial but now took on a high-pitched desperate whine. "The...the next one - the next one for sure-"
Now free of his grip, Castis made a break for the door.
"Hey-!"
"I can't do this anymore - !" He sprinted, pushing through cadets roughly, the time for pleasantries was long over. A horrible sensation was running up his arms and permeating his chest and he fought the urge to vomit. "- I can't - I need to leave - !" He was only a few steps from the wide doors leading to the safety of the outside balcony.
"Wait - !" Fedorian jumped into his path, arms spread wide. Castis attempted to duck under his arm but Fedorian managed to snag his cowl.
Castis grabbed the edge of a nearby table and planted his feet.
The larger turian pulled harder at his arms "I promised I would help you - let go!"
"You let go!"
Suddenly, a lone musical note sounded out, soon joined by a great many more. They all joined together, and music filled the air. There was murmuring among the crowd as bystanders started to clear the floor while others took position in their place.
Castis jerked upright at the sound, the formation the cadets took. There was no mistaking what was about to take place. He clutched the side of the table for dear life. "Oh, no -"
"Oh, yes!" He felt a hand grab his upper arm in an iron grip. "This is perfect-!"
"No-!"
"It's dancing, dancing is easy. You don't even need to talk, you just move!"
He yanked on his arm and when it didn't give, he grabbed with both hands and attempted to pry him off the table."You - can - do - this!"
"NO!"
Fedorian dug in his heels and pulled with all his strength. "Dancing - is - an important - social - skill - !"
Castis lost his grip on the table, stumbling roughly into the larger turian. He grabbed at the wall but his claws slid uselessly against its smooth surface. "I - don't care - !"
"Okay, okay, hey!" Fedorian lifted him almost off the ground, clutching his upper arms in his massive hands, his voice booming. "Look at me! Calm down!"
Castis only struggled harder. "Let me go - Fedorian - I'm - I'm not kidding -"
"Listen, I'm…." Fedorian trailed off, looking past Castis to somewhere behind him."...sorry about this."
"Yeah, w-whatever, I might forgive you for embarrassing me in front of the entire school if you just let me leave-"
Fedorian didn't seem to be listening. He looked over Castis's head, gazing intently at the dancing cadets behind him. His eyes darted back and forth in concentration as though waiting for a certain moment.
"No, not for that…"
Castis stiffened. "Then...for what?"
"For….this!"
Fedorian spun him around and pushed his lower back so forcefully it nearly knocked the wind out of him. He stumbled across the dance floor and into the unsuspecting arms of a lone dancer.
"Oh-!" A male turian with red markings on his mandibles caught him and set him back on his feet. 'Uh, hello!" He sounded surprised but not entirely displeased. He gave him a respectful nod and held out his hand for Castis to take.
"H...h…!" Castis couldn't even complete the word. He jerked his head stiffly in return and shakily grabbed the hand.
The dancers around them moved to the music. In unison, they all raised their hands. Castis froze.
"Haven't done this before?"
"N-no." Castis trembled.
"Alright, just follow my lead then."
The male turian led him in a circle, doing some kind of complicated motion with his foot then spun him the other way. Castis couldn't keep up. He tried to match the step but it was too wide and he kicked his partner's boots. The turian gave Castis a pained look.
"Sorry-!"
"It's alright, just try to keep up with the music.
Castis had only danced once before, a mandatory performance at graduation from 2nd tier boot camp. It was terrible and though he had practised diligently for it, he was still a half-second early on all the moves. The memory haunted him.
The same music part came again. The dancers lifted their hands. Castis followed - too slow. They lowered and clasped. He missed. They spun again. It was all in a pattern but it was going too fast for him to catch on. They lifted their hands, lowered, clasped. Castis missed. Again.
"S-sorry."
"It's okay just...it repeats so just try to remember for the next time." His partner's subvocals had a faint rumble of impatience.
Castis swallowed hard. A few dancers away, Fedorian was dancing along with his own partner. He was spinning, hand raising and lowering on cue like a champion. He said something to his dance partner and her giggle was heard from across the floor.
"Um, hello?"
Castis's head snapped back to his partner, whose hand was left hanging.
"Sorry!"
"Look, I'm trying to be nice but you're really not making this easy-"
"I'm - I'm sorry -"
His gaze bore into his. "Stop. Apologizing."
"Sor - I mean - I'm sorry- I mean - !"
Concentrate. CONCENTRATE!
It was impossible. The music, the movements, the timing -
The surrounding dancers twirled in unison. He tried to mimic the movement but turned the wrong way, his heel crushing the toe of his partner's boot.
"Ow!" The male turian's subvocals buzzed angrily. "Spirits, what's wrong with you?!"
Cold grabbed Castis's chest. The ground seemed to drop from underneath him. The sights around him became a blur, everything seemed to slow, all noise cut out except words that pounded into his head, like a giant hammer smashing into his skull over and over.
WRONG WITH YOU. WRONG WITH YOU. WRONG WITH YOU.
"I'm sorry - I mean - I c - I can't do this, I'm s-sorry - I mean - WHATEVER!"
He broke away, fleeing through the crowd, vision blurry and stomach heaving. The room was spinning, bodies, faces, furniture all blurred. A door swam up in front of him and he fumbled for the knob, bursting through to the balcony overlooking the courtyard.
The cool air rushed to his face. He tried to take a breath and almost choked. He clutched the smooth railing of the balcony. His head pounded and a sick, cold, aching feeling ran through his chest and into his stomach. Already he could tell those words and these awful memories would find him again and again; whenever he was in a similar situation, whenever he was even reminded of a similar situation, even from out of nothing at all. Right alongside many other words and memories compiled from equally unpleasant encounters. No matter how much time had passed they would always be there, especially in the dead of night, whenever his thoughts turned dark. Damn it. Damn it all.
There was a shuffling behind him. Heavy footsteps, a loud but gentle voice. "...Vakarian-"
"I'm done." He didn't turn around, he didn't have the nerve to look Fedorian in the eye. He tried his best to keep his voice from shaking. "Get me out of here now."
He heard an impatient sigh. "No, you're not, come on-"
"I'm done! Do you hear me?! I said I am DONE!" His voice crackled, subvocals shrieking in distress.
The voice was indignant. "You pushed me when I said I was done-!"
"No - no - this is different!" His head pounded. His skin felt like it was on fire. It took all his strength to maintain what little composure he still had.
"What about...what about the deal? I...I promised you-"
"I don't care - I don't care anymore - I just want to be left alone and...do my work." Speaking was becoming painful, his thoughts jumbled and confusing. "Forget it. I'll figure it out, it just - it doesn't matter."
He heard a low frustrated rumbling. "You didn't give up on me and I'm sure as hell not giving up on you."
There was a long silence. Castis's talons raked across the hard railing. He opened his mouth but all that came out was a low distressed keen. ...Damn it.
The mood shifted. He heard Fedorian shuffle his feet awkwardly, his subvocals attempting comfort, but firmness, like a parent consoling a child. Castis's entire body ached and shook with embarrassment.
"...Look, how about...just one more try, and then we can go home. Please?"
Every nerve in his body flared. Nothing could make him go back into that hall. Fedorian didn't understand. He never would. He looked over the railing to the ground below. It really wasn't that far.
"I can't just let you give up. I won't let you." Fedorian continued, sympathetic but firm.
"No." Castis shook his head. He swung a leg over the banister.
"Wha-"
He swung his other leg over moving his body to the other side of the railing. "I'm walking back to my dorm. Goodbye."
"Vakarian!"
He slid down the side, using every piece jutting from the building to catch his fall. The friction was painful, his claws hurt from trying to catch himself where he could. His uniform became dirty and snagged. That's fine. Fix it later. His feet hit the ground roughly. He set off toward the main campus, counting the 831 steps on his lonely walk back to the barracks.
