Castis knew the next morning would be brutal, but no amount of mental preparation could spare him from the onslaught of Fedorian's insufferable glee.

Even after waking up extra early to sneak Marcella out, even after skipping breakfast to avoid the kitchen entirely, and even after staying in his room as long as he possibly could, he could still hear Fedorian, walking around fervently outside his door. And when a surprise morning meeting was announced and Castis was finally forced to come out, there he was. With the exact same infuriating expression as last night and humming so loudly he was practically vibrating.

Before Fedorian could even open his mouth, Castis ducked his head down and swiftly marched past the larger turian as though he was invisible, counting the steps furiously under his breath. And as he heard Fedorian shout something after him that march turned into a sprint.

But soon enough, he was trapped in a room with him and the handful of other officers, listening to the comm where Faldos barking the day's new schedule, the dolling out of new patrol routes, the reports that needed to be filed. Castis barely listened, instead doing everything in his power to only stare straight ahead and not acknowledge his very large friend and his very overwhelming presence.

Fedorian hovered almost threateningly in his peripheral vision. Still making that face. Even if Castis somehow couldn't hear the barely contained rumbles of excitement, curiosity, and urgency, (which thank the spirits the others hadn't seemed to notice) Fedorian's presence was so imposing it drove his own anxiety through the roof. It was almost unbearable. It was like he was exuding an aura of insufferable smugness.

The literal second the meeting was over, Castis turned on his heel, marched through the door, and jogged through the various narrow halls toward his room. But there was no escape. Loud footsteps came on large awkward feet behind him, closing in until the sound rang in his ears. A darkness fell over him and he realized the large turian was so close he was walking in his shadow, blocking him from the dim lights in the ceiling. The constant hum of excitement had reached a fever pitch, calling to him, willing him to stop and turn around. Completely. Horribly. Irritatingly. Relentless.

Castis finally stopped, clenched his jaw, and took a deep breath. It was apparent that this problem was not going to go away until it was addressed. He growled in a tone he hoped sounded convincingly threatening. "If you don't stop following me around—"

"I CAAAAN'T! Fedorian finally burst. His obscenely loud voice reverberated off the walls and he thrust his hands skyward as though he had been waiting for this moment all day, which he definitely had. "I'm sorry - I can't! I just - Look at you~!" He gestured at Castis in a way that made him want to curl up and disappear. "First the music, taking breaks - now you're sneaking girls in your room-!

The skin under his plates burned and he clenched his fists until they ached. He craned his neck around the empty hallway. Spirits, why did he have to be so loud. "You need to stop "

"- all this time - all this time - AAAHH I should've known! But you were always so shy - OOH - but I knew you had it in you

"I mean it—"

" ― you just needed to find the right person! How often does she come here ―"

"Fedorian"

Is it every time Faldos is gone?! Wait - the cameras - is that why you've been...

Fedorian's eyes grew wide in understanding and he shrieked even louder. "OOOH ho ho -! Faldos would not be happy about that—"

"DON'T...!" Castis whirled around, throwing out a hand as though to physically stop the words from coming out, as though even speaking them into existence could bring to form the horrifying reality. Panic throttled him as wave after wave of freezing anxiety crashed into him and he went tumbling, fumbling for control but everything was just terrifying chaos.

Fedorian was bad enough but if the general found out...

It would be over. It would all be over. His life - his career - gone - squandered and he would only have himself to blame. It was what he deserved. Couldn't play it safe, oh nooo he had to push it as far as it could go just like he does with everything. All these little discretions were finally adding up and it was bound to happen, it was only a matter of time. How could he have been so stupid? There was only one rule - no one was supposed to know!

He grabbed Fedorian's upper arms, practically throwing himself at the large turian, ready to make an embarrassingly impassioned plea. It was his only shot. He averted his eyes in shame and his heart hammered. "Fedorian...please..."

Fedorian's jaw dropped, mandibles splayed in an expression of shock and faux outrage. Vakarian! Of course I'm not gonna tell him! Come on! He gave Castis a sharp tap in the chest that nearly knocked the wind out of him. 展hat kind of friend do you take me for!? Don't you worry - your secret's safe with me!

Castis squeezed his hands to keep them from trembling. "But..."

Fedorian huffed and stood up to his full, imposing height and struck a stiff dramatic salute. "I will never tell Faldos anything." He let out a wide smile. "I give you my word!"

"I…" Castis's shoulders finally relaxed and he felt an almost euphoric rush of relief. Fedorian may have had a loud mouth but he had been a loyal friend for years now. As nerve-racking as it was, if someone had to know, at least it was him. He rubbed his temples, still embarrassed but feeling more than a little grateful. "...thank you."

"Soooo...tell me about her!"

"Absolutely not." Castis tensed again and turned back down the hall toward his room, anger and embarrassment returning with a vengeance. Any goodwill the large turian had earned quickly evaporated.

Fedorian kept at his heels. "Pleeeease? Just one thing - anything!

"I said no!"

At least tell me which fort she's stationed at!"

Castis jerked to a halt, causing Fedorian to almost slam into his back. His stomach plummeted to his feet.

Another complication.

Fedorian didn't even seem to notice. He sidestepped him, still babbling on, trapped in his inane thoughts. "Is she a transfer? Would I know her? I didn't get a good look, I think I was too surprised!" He laughed as though it was the funniest thing in the world.

Castis's stomach remained on the floor. He opened his mouth but it felt dry. "I...uh.."

He didn't care about Marcella's background, her less than favorable reputation, or the fact that she lacked...a certain defining feature of turian culture.

But Fedorian would, Faldos definitely would, as would everyone else assigned to the sector's forts and it made his chest grow cold. Not in shame, but something more visceral and terrifying.

They would look down on her. They would judge her without knowing or caring how wonderful she was. All they would see was what was - or wasn't- on the outside. He didn't want to drag her into this - she didn't deserve to be exposed to their pedantic assessments. This wasn't supposed to happen. They weren't supposed to be involved.

Fedorian was still carrying on, pausing only to give him a sly look." ...It isn't Cressila is it? I ran into her once and she seemed like your type ―"

"I...I…" Castis choked on the words, fighting the urge to turn around and sprint down the hall as fast as he could.

NO ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO KNOW.

" - ooor is she from Fort Virtuti?" Fedorian clapped his hands and rubbed them together excitedly. "Okay,who do I know there..."

"Enough!" Castis's head practically spun. Cold flashes of anxiety rippled through his system so forcefully he was starting to feel nauseous. He put on his best authoritative stance, baring his teeth as his hands flew to his hips. "This conversation is not work appropriate, it's none of your business, and I - I have very important things to attend to so you will stop antagonizing me and report to your own duties - end of discussion!

"Okaaaay, okay. I get it..." Fedorian put up his hands and thankfully backed off, though still loudly buzzing with excitement. "I'm just...really happy for you! Honest...!"

Castis only glared.

He was met with another loud laugh and a slightly sheepish look. "...Alright! I'll leave you alone, I promise!"

"Good."

As he turned back toward his quarters, hands twisting and mandibles twitching, he heard Fedorian's voice thrum loudly down the hall behind him. "Proud of yoooou...!"

Castis's growl echoed after it. "I hate you."

"I knoooow..."


"...and you're sure he won't tell anyone?" Marcella asked.

Castis leaned back on his elbows and coiled his fingers in the grass patch. "...l trust him."

The sky stretched on infinitely above the plateau, stars uncountable (frustratingly so), and the now-matted grass of Marcella's patch course underneath them both. The grass was a shell of its former self, what with all the tugging of the first night and its periodic use as their haven. Castis had been trying to help her restore it to its former 'glory' but with water being as scarce as it was, they weren't making much progress. Still, it was soft enough for them to spend a few stolen hours every couple of days on it at their sporadic meetings.

Marcella popped up a browplate. "...You're sure no one would, uh..." She let out a soft chuckle. "... overhear him?"

"I know how he comes off but...Fedorian is a good friend. He's..." Castis set his jaw as slight irritation burned the back of his neck. "...happy for me. I guess."

"Hmm, if you say so..."

"I still have a few hours." He stretched and shook his head to wake himself up. Falling asleep was a mistake he had only planned on making once. "Do you want to try...what was it...turning over the soil again?"

"Mm, I don't know..." She gave the browning grass a sad pat. "I think it's dying for good."

"Maybe we should just stick to the ruins. Give it some time to recover?"

"Aw, but I love it out here!" Marcella flopped down on the thin, matted grass, arms thrown out above her. She was right, you couldn't beat the view with the way the endless sky seemed to warp around the mountain, like a floating sea they could fall into.

Castis shuffled a little awkwardly. "...I like the ruins."

"Oh? Why there?"

His mandibles tightened against his face.

I wanna tell our kids it was where we met.

The thought was so embarrassing he gripped the sides of his head as though to prevent it from leaking out. "Uh, it's uh...better. This place is too...open." He made a show of looking around. "No cover. Bad tactical advantage."

She huffed a laugh. "'Tactical advantage' - okay, soldier, I'll keep that in mind." She sat up and rifled through her bag, producing a small terminal, practically Jerry-rigged together. "How about a vid? The old standby.

Castis sat up eagerly. "Oh - I have a good one. He popped open his omni-tool and began looking for A Good War. "I promise it's not as long as the last one—"

"Um, actually...isn't it my turn to pick?" She snickered, giving him one of her famous teasing looks.

"...Oh - yes, of course." He tapped off the tool feeling a little embarrassed. "Did you have one in mind?"

"I do..." She opened the terminal and began looking up something on the holo keyboard. "It's an old favorite, one I used to watch when I was young. I'll admit, it's really dated and low-budget but it was one of the only movies I was able to watch and...it's kind of comforting, you know?"

He knew exactly what she meant. "What's it called?'

She pulled up the file and her subvocals rumbled dramatically. "By the Shine of Manae."

He could already tell by the whimsical title he probably wouldn't like it. "I'm sure it's great."

"'A tale of love and fantasy!'' Her voice maintained the dramatic flair. "Warriors and beasts and gods! You might like it, it's...kind of like a war movie, I guess. But there痴 romance and magic and smiting so way better, obviously." She gave him a sideways look. "Do you like mythology?"

Castis usually found mythology to be exorbitant and thought it was more productive to learn about real men in real war rooms. "Of course I do."

"Hell yeah!"

She started the file and laid down on the grass, placing the terminal parallel to how she was lying. She grabbed Castis's arm and tugged him down so that he was laying behind her, pulling the arm over her waist. He lifted his chin to rest it lightly on her shoulder so he could see the small screen.

The vid was...strange. It was supposed to be a period piece, but weird costume choices and the odd use of more modern-looking weaponry made the question of exactly which period hard to answer. The plot itself was convoluted and hard to follow, the only thing he knew for certain was there was a man and a woman and they loved each other, apparently.

"Vespera... The man was saying, his voice an overly raspy purr, "Drawn am I to your eyes...to your scent...! If I could, I would bathe in it."

Castis wrinkled his nose in distaste. "...I'm sorry, but this is...not very good."

Marcella sighed wistfully. "I know. I love it."

After a few more lines of incomprehensibly flowery dialogue, the music swelled and the couple began to embrace. They leaned forward, lightly brushing their foreheads together until their mouths met, slightly parted and breathing into each other as the camera zoomed in slowly as a sign of clear significance.

Castis raised his head from her shoulder, stomach clenched and his mouth hung open in a silent gasp.

That's what she does with me.

He lowered his chin back down gently onto the crook of her neck, relishing in the warmth of the unplated skin. The vid was bad but...maybe not that bad...

He felt his eyes glaze over as the comfort of sleep started to creep in. Marcella, however, was rapt with attention at the tiny screen. Hopefully, she would be kind enough to wake him up. Through half-lidded eyes, he watched the couple talk some more about their futures, their destinies together or something, the words buzzed nonsense in his stupor. He vaguely wondered if next time he could find a nice vid that featured both romance and military history, something they both might like.

At one point the couple was separated, by what Castis didn't exactly know, but it was irrelevant because soon there was some sort of badly put together monster attack. A couple more long scenes and one poorly choreographed fight sequence later, the couple had finally reunited, although the tone seemed dramatically shifted. There were quiet words of regret and desperate hand clasping and the music seemed to be shrieking in misery.

It was only when the couple parted, the woman softly keening as the man walked off, lamenting into the ornate sleeve of his tunic that Castis began to actually pay attention. And as he watched the man get into the ship that was obviously just a small prop and watch it fly away into the sky, he felt his chest get tight.

"Wait..."

It wasn't until the end title popped up that he even realized it was over.

"Wait..." He lifted his head, squinting at the small screen as the credits started to roll. "That's...how it ends?

"Yeaaah…" He heard her sigh as she sat up and moved toward the small screen to close the file. "It's bittersweet."

Castis blinked at the screen, still processing what had just happened. He must have missed something. Maybe the file was incomplete. It can't really be over...He stared at the slowly rolling names and it began to dawn on him. "...They don't end up together."

"Uh...yeah." Her head was tucked down, hands still hovering over the holo keyboard and something in her subvocals made his stomach hurt.

"...And you like this?"

She was still fidgeting with the terminal. "It's a classic!"

"But... He was still dumbstruck, the events of the vid fast-forwarding through his mind. All that build-up, all that talk. The plans - the embrace - the promises. ..I can't believe after all that he just leaves.

He saw her shoulders pop up in a small shrug but she still didn't turn around. "Nothing lasts."

A numbness trailed from his head and into his fingers. Slowly, he lowered himself back onto the ground, his head resting among the sparse grass. He folded his hands across his chest as his stomach twitched in unease. A weird irritation buzzed in the back of his mind that he couldn't quite explain.

She must have sensed his soured mood. Her voice carried over to him, soft and empathetic. "...isn't the fact that everything is temporary make it more special?"

Castis said nothing, not even an acknowledging hum with his subvocals. He leaned his head farther back and frowned up at the aggravatingly infinite stars.

"...I thought you liked realistic movies."

He rolled onto his side away from her and hugged his arms tighter to his body, silently chastising himself at how childish he was behaving. But he couldn't help it. "That wasn't realistic, it was just sad."

"It's not...that sad, they knew what they were getting into. They enjoyed what they had and they always would." There was a pause and her tone shifted, her subvocals humming in a way that seemed...apologetic? "...It was for the best."

"What? You mean you think it's okay that they ended—"

A sudden fear gripped his chest and he sat up, eyes landing on the back of her head as she looked out silently into the darkness. She still wasn't looking at him.

Oh.

He entwined his fingers and squeezed, a horrible sinking feeling in his stomach. Somehow, he didn't think they were talking about the vid anymore.

He chose his next words carefully. "Did...Vespera not...want...a future with Vinicius...?"

"She did!" Marcella shouted, finally turning around, meeting his gaze with wide eyes. "Of course she did! She would have stayed with him - absolutely -" she reached over and grabbed his hand, making his heart leap. "She cared for him but...I mean, they couldn't stay together. You saw it, she had her people and he had his duty-"

Castis shook his head, the irritation returning. "Well then, they should have - there must have been some way - he could have gone with her - or she with him or - or—"

"Oh, come on, that never would've worked -"

" - or just continue the relationship even though they're apart - plan on coming back together eventually - I don't know, something - anything -"

"You can't just put your life on hold "

"Then just stay together?" Castis felt himself getting worked up and he pulled his hand away, digging his talons into the grass to keep himself grounded. "I just don't understand, they clearly loved each other - there had to be another way - they could've worked it out if they just tried but they gave up "

"That was the whole point of the movie, there were no other options. They did love each other but it wasn't going to work out. If he stayed, he would have had to abandon everything he worked for and he would just end up resenting her -"

"No, he wouldn't ―"

"Oh, yes he would"

"No, he would NOT!"

His shout rang out into the night air as he pounded the ground with his fists. It hung in the air around them and Marcella turned away again, looking off into the dark horizon. Castis grimaced at his foolishness.

"I'm...I'm sorry, it's just..."

She sat silently, the night air ruffling the collar of her jacket, pulling absentmindedly at the grass. When she finally did turn around again, she didn't look angry or startled, she just looked...detached. Which was even worse. At his continued silence, she raised her browplates at him, patiently waiting for a response.

He twisted and pulled at his fingers, his thoughts and feelings a jumble in his mind. "You don't just... His voice faltered and he tried again. "When you really..."

He was such an idiot. Trying to define these complicated feelings he had only experienced recently to someone who definitely had more expertise with it than he did. Sure, she liked him but she had surely dealt with this all before and knew that this was how it always ended. She was tough and worldly and smart and here he was wasting her time with his dumb little delusions of grandeur. To her, he must be like a child fumbling in the dark.

But this...was different. It meant something. This all meant something.

It had to.

Finally, he spoke. "If...he really loved her...as much as he said he did...he never would have let her go."

Another long pause. When Marcella spoke her voice was calm but it rumbled with an air of strained patience. "...He knew it was the right choice."

Castis wrinkled his nose, unable to hide the irritation and growing anger in his voice. "Leaving someone you care about behind is wrong."

Her mandibles flared in slight indignation and she spoke again, slowly and deliberately, matching his in intensity. "Sometimes we all have to do things we don't want to do."

Castis grit his teeth. It almost seemed like a contest of who could talk slower and louder. "When you want something really badly you have to actually try."

"You - can't - always - get - a - happy ending."

"Then. What. Is. THE POINT?!"

She seemed to finally snap, throwing up her hands in exasperation, an annoyed snarl grinding out of her throat. Okay, that war vid you showed me the other day didn't have a happy ending and you didn't give a shit about that-

"Oh, yes it did, and do you know why? " He scrambled to his feet, breath coming fast and ragged. He couldn't help but get emotional. 釘ecause Crassus promised they would all stay together no matter what and then they did."

"...You mean when they all died?"

"No- well, yes, but it wasn't really about that, it was about the devotion, the comradery, the love." He felt his chest squeeze even as he said it but it was true. "Crassus couldn't leave them, not after all they had been through, he made a promise! They belonged together! It's like he said in his monologue—"

"His really, really long monologue. She interjected, fingers on the bridge of her noseplate.

" what is life without the ones we love?' And he was right! Yeah, he could have just left," he spat the word, "but he chose to go back!"

Marcella had no answer. She just stared at the ground and shook her head. Her grass tugging resumed in earnest.

Castis felt his heart pound. "It was worth it. He sacrificed everything - not just for the Hierarchy but for them. He went back for them. That's what you do. For your friends, for your mate, for the cause-"

At that, she rolled her eyes so hard it made her head fall back onto her shoulders. "Uuuugh, 'the cause'"

"I...I know it's just a movie but the point - the point is - is, " He balled up his fists, feeling like he would explode. She had to understand. He had never felt this way before and now that he had it, he wouldn't have given it up for anything. "When you really, really...

He hesitated but not out of uncertainty. He knew what this was, there was no denying it.

"...love...someone, you never leave them. Never."

For a moment she just stared at him, giving him a long look as though really taking him in. It terrified him. There it was again, that vulnerability. Laid out for her to see.

To his surprise, her mandibles fluttered into a very small smile. "You're very idealistic for a turian."

He still felt heated and he couldn't stop himself. "I just know what I want."

She folded, dropping her gaze and looking back at the now blank screen. "…Sometimes I turn it off right before the end."

Her voice was light, almost wistful, but her subvocals thrummed a deeper meaning, one that rang loud and clear.

But I still know how it really ends.

Castis's shoulders slumped, the fire in his chest burning out lamely and feeling more ridiculous than he had in a long time. Even now, she was so patient with his stupid little speeches.

For a moment they just sat in silence. A long, horrible, strained silence.

Say something.

He opened his mouth. He needed to tell her. She needed to know. It was so much more.

"Khati ― "

DAMN YOU.

He winced immediately, bringing his hands up to clamp them on his crest. It was just so hard, even after all this time, even with her. He couldn't remember the last time someone called someone by their first name. He must've been a child.

He chanced a look at her and wished he hadn't. His chest grew cold as he met her eye. She was giving him a look. A very tired look. His insides froze.

You are a stupid, blathering FOOL.

You don't know what you're talking about, you don't know when to stop and you're ruining whatever she may have felt for you. So she shows you her favorite vid and you immediately bum rush her with your childish emotions and then you can't even address her informally? You are A JOKE.

He tried again, but it caught in his throat like it always did. "M - Marcella—"

blink blink

His eyes snapped to his omni-tool, blinking rapidly and emitting a light chirp indicating it was urgent.

"I'm...sorry I have to..."

He popped it open and his throat squeezed shut. It was just one line. From Faldos.

Private meeting in my office. 0600.

If he was in the habit of cursing, he would have let out a slew of them. This could not be good.

"I...got to go."

"Mm." Her head was bowed, fingers still tangling the grass.

"It's not because - it's the general - he doesn't usually call for meetings - He has a bad temperament so it's best to - it's not because of this-" He snapped his mouth shut. Haven't you ruined this night enough already?

He held his breath as he watched her, still slumped. She gave a strand a final tug, flicked it away, and made to get up. "...Alright, I'll take you."

"No - no - it's alright - I - I'll walk."

Marcella sighed, "Noooo, come on, it's okay"

"No, really it's…" He wrung his hands raw. The last thing he wanted to do was waste any more of her time. "I like walking." He said, lamely.

"...Okay, then. "

He turned toward the edge of the plateau before she could anything else and was sliding and stumbling down the side before he could even register the resignation in her subvocals.

As he walked his long, lonely walk of shame he hung his head, mindlessly counting and dragging his feet until the dust particles practically shrouded him completely. His mind buzzed with every self-loathing thought he could hurl at himself but he knew it was well-deserved. It was just as well.

He knew he would take it too far eventually and he finally did.