Castis stood in the dim light of the hallway outside Faldos's office counting down the seconds until their meeting, head pounding and bile building in his throat. A miserable morning after a miserable night.

His stomach writhed and his fingers twitched. Sleep had been impossible even after the long, exhausting walk back to the fort from the plateau. His mind had tormented him all night, replaying the events over and over and over, giving him a stab of guilt at every stupid, over-dramatic thing he had said. As anxious as he was about meeting General Faldos, it was almost eclipsed by the events of last night, a fact that would have knocked him flat only a few months ago.

At 0600 exactly, Castis held his breath and punched in the code, sliding open the door to the office. General Faldos was there at his still slightly mangled desk, a terminal and a few datapads in front of him, his hands poised and locked. The dim lighting cast long shadows on his face, emphasizing the white markings on his sand-colored plates. His eyes were laser-focused on him, as though scanning him for every minuscule detail. Castis always felt this way when he was looked upon by him, weirdly exposed and vulnerable. As though any secret he would try to keep would be automatically pulled out of him by Faldos's mere presence. As though if he had an important secret he was keeping, the general already knew it. But of course, that was impossible.

Wasn't it?

Castis took a single step into the dim office and saluted stiffly. He cleared his throat and readied a calm, level greeting.

Do not show fear. Whatever you do, do NOT show fear.

"Yes?!" he squeaked.

He snapped his mouth shut and cleared his throat again. "Ahem...I mean - y-yes, sir…?" Embarrassment prickled his neck. As if after last night he hadn't made enough of a fool of himself already.

Faldos's eyes had narrowed at the sudden outburst but he otherwise sat, almost unnaturally stiff, still seemingly taking him all in. Not a good sign.

Castis's anxiety began to build. "...you wanted to see me, sir?"

Finally, Faldos rose slowly, hands clasped behind his back, a grim expression on his face. He marched forward until he was standing almost imposingly over the younger turian, his larger stature giving Castis a sense of faint claustrophobia. A few more agonizing moments passed and he finally spoke:

"Vakarian...in all my years, I have never had a finer officer."

It took a second for the general's words to really sink in, and even then Castis felt he must have misheard. His mandibles hitched to the sides of his face, almost starstruck. Faldos had a long and lucrative career with many seasoned officers under his command, he couldn't be the best that would have been impossible...!

"Artanus wasn't kidding when she said she would send her best. Ortus may be full of pampered, pompous little ingrates who think the influence of their families will mask their incompetence..." The general's voice growled out in barely-contained fury.

Castis blinked nervously.

"...but not you. You are not like them. You work hard. You have integrity. Everything you have, you have earned."

Castis didn't move a muscle. The confusing mix of praise coupled with underlying anger wasn't unfamiliar, but it rattled him all the same.

The general turned and started taking slow, measured steps around him. "You take a command instantly and without question, your determination is unmatched, your loyalty is unwavering. If we had a hundred of you, the Hierarchy would be unstoppable."

Castis couldn't stop himself. It had been ingrained in every turian since birth. "The Hierarchy is already unstoppable, sir."

Faldos paused and gave him a long look. "...Good answer."

Castis tried to swallow the tightness in his throat as the general continued circling him like some kind of predator. There had to be more to this. He certainly didn't bring him here just to compliment him and by the way he kept seizing him up it was clear he was trying to get something out of him. Faldos was usually a man of few words. Nothing got him talking like this unless…

"You came with high praise but I had my doubts. I'm pleased to say that they were unfounded." He had finished his short lap around him and was now looking him right in the eye. "I believe the arrangement was for me to give you some kind of recommendation…?"

Castis's fingers twitched in anticipation. Could it be...? So soon? He balled his hands into fists held shakily at his sides as a small bubble of excitement grew in his chest. Faldos turned and gestured toward his desk. "I have the documents right here." The bubble swelled. Castis looked over at the datapads on the desk. His mandibles flicked and his stomach flipped and he was…

he was…

...happy. Of course he was. This was the moment he had been waiting for, the reason he had even chosen this difficult, unorthodox route, and it was all coming to fruition right in front of him. And from General Andin Faldos, his idol turned mentor, one of the greatest Hierarchy generals to ever live. His personal recommendation...

But the same anxiety he had gone to bed and woken up with hovered over him in a haze and he felt...muted. Why? Did he really care more about what happened last night over this?

It had to just be nerves.

Castis squared his shoulders and gave his stiffest salute yet. "Sir. It really is an honor to serve under you and I couldn't thank you eno—"

"I haven't signed it yet."

Castis almost flinched at the way the sentence was spat at him, like an insult. His eyes flicked from Faldos to the desk, stomach twisting. "I, uh…"

"Unfortunately..." Faldos's demeanor became even more hardened, mandibles pulling back in a scowl and rumbling in anger, "your performance has been...lacking these past few months."

There it was. That was why he was here.

"Sir, I—"

"Missing reports, late patrols, reporting in at inconsistent times, his rumble turned into a growl, "...going AWOL..."

The bubble deflated, leaving Castis's chest empty and numb and he shrunk into himself, horrible ripples of dread and anxiety crawling under his skin. "...I understand sir. I take full responsibility."

"It's very curious" Faldos continued, "how you went from being so diligent to making such simple mistakes. It's very unlike you. At first, I thought you had simply gotten lazy. Maybe Artanus overestimated your abilities. But I think it might be something else..."

He turned and walked back toward his desk. "Now, I'm going to ask you something and I highly encourage you to be honest with me." His tone was frighteningly affable. He went behind the desk and swiveled the terminal around so Castis could look at the screen. It was a still image taken from what looked like camera footage shot just outside the fort and right in the middle stood two figures.

Oh.

Oh, spirits, no.

There on the screen, a shot taken from the leftmost camera right in the back, was himself, just a small purple-ish blur but still recognizable by his rigid posture and right next to him, in a much more casual stance was—

"Who is this?" Faldos tapped a claw at the second figure.

Castis felt like he couldn't breathe. His chest constricted and the pit in his stomach became all-encompassing. How...he had been so diligent...!

Fool! Idiot! MORON! You knew this would happen and you did it anyway! You were supposed to scrub all footage - you were supposed to be careful - you never should have done this you're too stupid to do it correctly and now you've ruined everything no one was supposed to know NO ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO

"S-sir, I —"

"Having secret meetings, are we? What is it, smugging? Sand trading? Giving up some intel so we could be raided?" Faldos's tone shifted into something truly unsettling and the room crackled with energy. "What's the matter, Vakarian? Tired of the straight and narrow? Bored of taking orders...?" There was a faint rattling coming from somewhere and Castis realized it was the desk, Faldos was gripping it so hard it was shaking.

Some base instinct must have kicked in because before Castis could even properly formulate the words in his mind, he was speaking. "S-sir, that is Marcella Khatirus, the bounty hunter I brought in a few months ago. She was cleared and...she has been tipping me off in exchange for information on incoming criminals."

It wasn't...entirely a lie. But it definitely wasn't the truth.

Faldos's eyes narrowed and his mandibles slacked, exposing sharp lower teeth. "...You expect me to believe that?"

Years of being grilled by sergeants had trained him well. The words continued to flow out of his mouth automatically. "Sir, she is neither a smuggler nor a drug dealer. Just a bounty hunter. If you check her ID number I assure you, her record is clean."

Please spirits, have her record be clean.

The General eyed him venomously. He yanked the terminal back around, his fingers flying over the holo-board, clearly doing his own information gathering. He paused and Castis could only look on in agony.

'''Clean,'" he snarled. "Hardly." He stared down at the younger turian, flicking through the screens one by one with a dramatic emphasis, "Theft...assault...resisting arrest..."

Castis nearly bit his tongue in half. Good to know Marcella had at least been honest with him. He chanced a rebuttal, "...All minor charges

"Enough." Faldos snarled again but in a manner that was much more subdued. Clearly, the wind had gone out of his sails but it was hard to tell if he was relieved with the results or even more irritated. His eyes flicked back to the terminal, eyeing the Marcella-shaped blob on the screen. "This girl...who is she to you?"

Ice shot through Castis's veins and he dug his nails painfully into his palms. "...No one."

He knows he knows he knows.

The general was staring at him again, assessing him, his gaze practically piercing through his armor. Looking for the lie. "You're not...involved?"

"No, sir. Our relationship is...strictly professional." He almost winced at such an outrageous lie.

Faldos continued to study him, tan eyes fixated on his face as though if he stared long enough, Castis would suddenly fall to his knees and confess everything, their illicit affair, how he was forsaking his duty to be with this strange woman, putting her over the sacred command if his general, and beg for forgiveness. He had to know he was lying. He had to.

But Castis just stared ahead, unflinching. He couldn't break, not just for his sake but for hers.

He wouldn't let him have her.

He spoke up again, anything to break the tension. "I apologize, sir, I should have come to you first. I didn't want to burden you with this minor task, as it's my responsibility to protect this jurisdiction. However, it was unprofessional and you will be consulted next time —"

"Next time'!" Faldos scowled, anger pouring out of his chest and throat, filling the room with its loud buzz. He rose violently from his desk, the chair scraping loudly against the metal floor behind him. "I am in charge here. You are never to do anything without my direct, explicit permission."

Castis practically fell over himself, fear ripping up his spine. "Of course, sir, yes, absolutely—"

The air around them crackled and a blue aura had enveloped the general, swirling and pulsating. "I will not suffer this blatant insubordination in my ranks. I have served The Hierarchy for thirty years and no one -," he thrust a talon in his direction, "- no one goes behind my back, especially not someone whose boots haven't even touched enemy soil, lieutenant, so if you think you can run this operation better than me -"

Castis's mandibles tightened and kept his head down. "My apologies sir, it will not happen again." Once Faldos got on these tirades it was best to just let it happen and agree with whatever he said over and over. But even after all this time, it shook him to the core.

With a final snarl, the general came around his desk again, pointing a finger at Castis's chest. The energy had abated slightly, though the low angry buzz continued to rattle the small room. "...Do you want my recommendation, Vakarian?"

Castis swallowed. "More than anything, sir —"

And do you think shirking your duty and going behind my back will net it for you?"

" ...No sir."

"I wasn't lying about what I said before. You are good. In that case, you are very lucky your usefulness outweighs your tendency to get easily distracted. Maybe you just need a reminder of who is in charge."

A lump was forming in Castis's throat and he found himself getting emotional. Perhaps the tension was finally getting to him, the intense scrutiny breaking the already fragile facade. Maybe it was from being screamed at by someone he had looked up to for so long. "Sir, I'd never...I'd follow you anywhere, sir."

A hint of satisfaction seemed to flicker in the general's eyes. "Oh? So you will follow my orders? I won't have to vie for your attention?"

"Yes, sir."

"You follow me first and foremost?"

"Yes, sir."

"I have your loyalty." He didn't phrase it as a question, it was a demand.

"Absolutely, sir."

"No matter what happens, you answer to me." There was something creeping into his tone besides the seething anger, something like...desperation?

"I do, sir."

Faldos stared again, one last piercing look into his being, before turning back toward his desk, hands locked behind his back. From his throat came one final rumble of irritation. "Get out."

Castis stumbled out of the General's office in a daze. To go from such soaring highs of praise to such sudden crushing lows had his guts writhing and he wobbled down the hall. Not to mention that Marcella was now on Faldos's radar. All he knew was that the pit in his stomach threatened to swallow him whole.

He didn't have to guess what Faldos had insinuated. Whether he actually knew the true nature of he and Marcella's relationship, it didn't seem to matter, the general seemed to regard any attention diverted from himself as an act of borderline treason. Naturally, Castis would never betray the general...any more than he already had, that is.

The thought stuck bitterly in his mind. The return of the grueling fight between his responsibilities and...her. The juxtaposition of his two wants. He was loyal to the general, even if he balked at his more unethical requests. He doubted Faldos even remembered that he had commanded him to shoot Marcella at their first encounter. But he was his superior, his mentor, his...idol. He'd die for him, it was the turian way. And yet...

He just hoped he would never have to choose between General Faldos and Marcella.

A horrible feeling clenched his chest as he suddenly remembered the events of the night before.

Well, guess that won't be a problem anymore.

Castis dragged his feet, stewing in pure misery. So much so that when Fedorian's voice rang out from across the hall, he didn't even register it, just another noise among his deafening thoughts. It wasn't until his large form appeared beside him, gesticulating and going on in his usual abrasive manner, that he even knew he was there.

" - practically stayed up all night catching up on Heretics, and I have to say not worth it. You're up early - well, you're always up early - I didn't miss a meeting or anything did I?"

Castis shook his head, his throat too dry to say anything.

"Okay good, because yesterday Faldos seemed even more pissed off than usual!" He chuckled loudly while Castis did his best to suppress a whimper, "Then why are you up, did you have an early assignment, or is it something else?" Fedorian's mandibles suddenly twitched and he began to hum smugly, "or someone else "

Only when Castis didn't snap at him and give him a lecture about inappropriate workplace conversation did Fedorian finally realize that something might be wrong. His subvocals shifted to a pitch of concern and he lowered his voice, albeit minimally. "...What's wrong? Did something happen..?"

Castis rubbed his face, the dread seeping underneath his plates. He settled his hands over his eyes and tried to find some calm in the darkness. He definitely wasn't gonna tell Fedorian what happened the night before and he truly didn't have the strength to tell him what had happened that morning, even though he was the only person who would probably understand. "No." he croaked.

"...Oh, okay then!" Fedorian piped up, subvocals once again purring in contentment as he continued on about his morning, what he had for breakfast to how tired he was from watching dull vidset shows to how much work he had and (hint hint) would need help with.

"— lots of work, it would just...be easier if I had someone to help me, ah heh, now, I'm still shaky on the inventory system, but Domitius says we haven't got our usual shipment in — "

Castis just let his words wash over him, all noise. His mind was in turmoil, horrid thoughts pulsating with his own heartbeat.

He...he needed to talk to her. Warning her was a justifiable reason, right? He had avoided messaging her, she surely needed space after he made an absolute fool of himself. Best to just wait for her to message first - assuming she ever wanted to speak to him again. But this changed everything. She needed to know that Faldos now knows but Castis knew that he didn't really 'know' about them unless he DID 'know' in which case Marcella really needed to know—

"—plenty of food, so there's that, but it was still weird so I cross-checked the—"

What if she ignored him? Worse, what if she already blocked his contact? His breath started to come in fast, even the thought of seeing her name on the screen filled him with anguish. He squeezed his hands painfully.

" — and apparently the comm buoys are still down, so we're gonna need to send a team up — "

Castis sucked in a breath and lifted his wrist. He opened his omni-tool, selected her contact, and started typing her a message.

I'm sorry.

Erased.

I'm so sorry.

Erased.

Please forget everything I said. I got too worked up. I always get too worked up. I was an idiot. Isorry I made you uncomfortable, I didn't mean to ruin everything, I didnmean to push my feelings onto you I was just scared and I needed you to know that I

His finger shook over the keypad.

Love you

Erased.

" —so have to organize that and there's just so much... soooo is there any way you could maybe, possibly help me with — "

"Yes." Castis tapped the tool off bitterly, his hands returning to his face. "Whatever it is, yes, fine. Let's do it. Right now."

Fedorian turned, eyes wide. "Oh, I was gonna...yeah, no, that's fine - yeah, let's do it!" He clapped Castis on the shoulder (painfully) and brushed past, taking a sharp right turn down a corridor off the main hall.

"...Right." With great effort, Castis followed the loud footsteps that reverberated around him, still not entirely sure what he agreed to. Whatever it was couldn't be worse than stewing in his own awful thoughts. A few turns and he had accompanied Fedorian to a sloped hall, leading to an even dingier door than the ones around it. A loud shriek of metal, and they had entered a dark room.

The lights flickered on with a short electronic buzz as Fedorian tapped the switch. Castis blinked at the sudden bright light and saw a glorified storage closet, small, dusty, and crammed full of storage containers and a few tables and chairs. He frowned, looking at the cabinets and shelves full of years of hardcopy arrest records, inventory reports, acquisition invoices, and receipts for confiscated contraband. Bureaucratic redundancy was a feature of the Hierarchy. This was gonna take forever. Well, anything to keep his mind occupied. He always did like organizing...

"You go here, I start over here?" Fedorian suggested, pointing at one of the corners.

Castis just nodded. He made his way to the opposite side of the room and pulled out a chair, then reached up to wipe away the dust that had accumulated on the shelves. He rummaged into one of the many boxes and tossed a bunch of datapads on the small workbench in front of him.

Behind him, he heard the scrapping of another chair being pulled across the floor and a loud sneeze. "Whew, when was the last time someone even cleaned this place?"

Castis answered with a shrug. His continued silence must have perturbed Fedorian, for he suddenly popped his head up over Castis's shoulder, his concerned subvocals vibrating right in his ear."...Are you sure nothing's wrong?"

"Yes!" Castis snapped in a tone much angrier than he intended.

Fedorian stepped back and threw his hands up in a show of mock offense. "Sheeeesh! Would've thought getting a girlfriend would have mellowed you out! Seriously, what's the matter? You know you can tell me!"

The pit in Castis's stomach ached, making his whole body tingle and shiver. He just stared down silently at the collection of datapads, his throat tight.


"Oh, nothing, just my boyfriend broke up with me!"

Marcella slammed the glass down with a sharp tink, the remnants of its alcoholic contents sending little drops all over Bodi's booth. Nadir wasn't the best place she could've picked to grab a drink this early but it made for familiar company. She also didn't usually make a habit of drinking first thing in the morning, but considering she didn't sleep much the night before, she figured it could still count as the previous day. The joy of loopholes.

The salarian frowned at the dark droplets that flecked the smooth surface of his booth. "For the last time, I don'tcare."

"Spirits..." She jammed her fingers into her eye sockets, her head swimming "...S-showed him my dumb, depressing movie, why...? As if that was such a good way to bring it up, what was I thinking!? I'm so stupid, then, of course, he got all sad and tried to tell me how he felt and I just shut down like I always do I just push them away I push everybody away...!"

"Please leave."

" and then he pretended he got a message from his boss so he could leave - uuuugh! Her head felt heavy and she let it fall onto the scraped-up metal counter. "I'm not even sure we did break up but I pushed him away and he left and he didn't wanna ride and..." She ground out a thick, guttural sound of frustration, vibrating the table that served as her makeshift headrest. "...you don't think we really broke up do you...?"

The salarian curled a lip in a snarl before lifting up a datapad to block her from view. "I hope so."

"Bodi...c-can you do me a favor?"

"No."

"Can you play—"

"No!"

"Rhythm of Sadness by—"

"NO!"


"Do you mind if I put on some music?" Fedorian asked.

"Yes."

"Yes, you don't mind?! Great!" Fedorian chuckled and Castis heard a few clicks and a sudden loud warbling note wailed in a light, melodic voice, no doubt the precursor to some obnoxious song. "It'll motivate you, you'll see!"

The bass kicked in, assaulting the room with a deep skull-pounding beat that was impossible to ignore no matter how he tried. He ducked his head lower, growling as he reached to rifle through the storage container some more. Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing, something loud and annoying would at least drown out the thoughts. After the head-splitting beat of course came the inane lyrics. As Castis eyed the datapads, using all his willpower to focus on the task at hand, the vocalist crooned on, wailing and weeping over some supposed lost love. It was easy to ignore at first, but as the repetitive chorus kicked in, the words wormed their way into his mind and began to really sink in.

Oh, baby! Don't go!

Why can't you staaaay?

I'm sooo sorry baby

Please don't walk awaaaay!

Castis froze. He had always hated Fedorian's stupid techno songs and though the ones about love hadn't irritated him quite as much as they used to, it still boiled down to obnoxious noise. Crude or vapid lyrics layered over too much sound.

But this...

He swallowed hard. His heart ached, the pit in his stomach grew, his emotions churned inside him like a frothing sea. These lyrics...so stupid, so...relevant. It tormented him, setting his soul on fire. Spirits, how could he have let her slip through his fingers...? How could he have ruined the only thing that made him happy in years...?! Only two people in the galaxy could understand this pain, him and whoever the hell was singing this horrible techno song.

I can't let you goooo!

Please give me

one more chance!

We can make

a sweet romance!

He stood up suddenly, splaying his hands out on the bench, his heart pumping hard in his chest. Something was driving him and he was powerless to stop it. He needed to do something. He couldn't allow himself to stand by and just let it burn out. He couldn't just sit there...!

Vaguely in the background, he heard a muffled voice. "...Uh, Vakarian...? You okay...?"

Castis's nails slid across the workbench, curling into fists. No. It wouldn't end like this.

Before Fedorian could say anything else, he was already out the door and running down the hall. A million insane ideas were running through his mind, but his body seemed to move on its own as if piloted by pure instinct. He wasn't even sure where he was going or what he was going to do.

What are you doing? What are you doing!? What the HELL are you doing!?

The voice of reason tried its best, but it was drowned out by something far more powerful and ridiculous. And that something was pumping through every fiber of his being

Before he even knew what was happening, he was at the end of the hall, out the front entrance, and into the desert. Sand flying, wind in his face, and heading in the only direction he knew she could be in.

Love really was a stupid emotion.