Disclaimer: I do own 'Miraculous Ladybug' or any of its characters.

This is a request from SerenityxEndymion.


Felix Graham de Vanily was enjoying reading War and Peace when his phone rang.

RING, RING! RING, RING!

With a sigh, Felix put down his book and answered his phone.

"Hello?"

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!"

The shrill scream narrowly almost shattered his eardrums. Once the ringing in his brain stopped, Felix clutched his phone and hissed like a feral cat.

"For heavens' sake, Adrien! You almost made me go deaf!"

"You gotta help me!"

"What's the matter?"

"It's my father!"

"How shocking. What did he do now?"

"He's making me date Lila to promote a new Ad!"

"Lila? Is that the girl who lie so wildly, got your friend expelled and even tricked uncle Gabriel?"

"YES! But just yesterday, I finally won over the girl of my dreams! I want to go on a date with her! Marinette is the girl I love! But father won't listen!"

"So, you finally realised my girlfriend's cousin is not just a friend after all. Bridgette will be delighted. However, what do you want me to do with your dilemma?"

Adrien's silence was the answer.

"…oh no."

"Please?"

"You want me to pretend to be you on a date with an evil tramp while you frolic with your classmate?"

"Please?"

"Absolutely not!"

"Why?"

"For several reasons, Adrien. The most important reason, I have a girlfriend I love very much and intend on being faithful to."

"So do I! Well, I would if father lets me! Please, cuz. I don't want to date Lila! I'm already dating Lad-Marinette! I refuse to lose her!"

"So, you're making me lose my girlfriend? Bridgette is going to kill me if I do this. She's a black belt."

"You're not cheating on your girlfriend! You're pretending to be me while on a date with another girl when you already have a girlfriend!"

"…That's the definition of cheating, you doofus."

"Just tell her what you're gonna do! She'll understand."

Unfortunately, she would.

"Please, Felix! Pleasssssssssssseeeeeeeeeee?"

"…fine."

"YES! You're the best! I'll give you the details after father does! Gotta go, bye!"

Adrien hung up, leaving his cousin in an unhappy mood.

"This family makes me want to murder people."


It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and there wasn't an akuma in sight.

The perfect day for a date.

Ladybug insisted on a patrol, so Chat Noir used it to his advantage, surprising his lady with a lavish picnic he set up on a rooftop. A splendid scene, if he does say so himself.

"Aren't you supposed to be on date with Lila?" Ladybug asked teasily, hands on her hips.

"Don't fret, milady. I got that taken care of."


This was the worst date ever.

Lila Rossi was the most shallow, selfish, toxic girl Felix ever had the displeasure to meet.

He and the horrible girl were having their 'date' in a classy cafe, sitting outside so everyone was watching them, much to Lila's delight.

And Felix's annoyance.

He was bored and irritated. He hated how his hair out of place, how Adrien's clothes were uncomfortable and how tight his jeans were!

As children, he and Adrien used to swap clothes a pretend to be one other to trick their parents. It was a most favourable game of theirs. But now, when they were older and have more demanding lives as well as developing characteristics of their own, the ruse slowly lost its amusement.

"…so, there I was, fighting off a thousand, no, a million snakes! For my heroic actions saving the city of Los Angeles, the president of Costa Rica awarded me with a medal of honour and the key to the city!"

He didn't believe a word of it.

"Lila, you're positively primeval." Adrien replied dryly.

"Thank you, Adrien!"

She reached out to lay her hands on top of his. However, he quickly pulled his hands away to his lap.

"That wasn't a compliment."

She frowned. But then she touched his knee, making him jump.

"Hands off, woman!"

"Calm down, Adrien."

Now she was playing footsies. In response, he literally kicked her.

Lila groaned, covering up her pain with a forced grin.

"Adrien, you're acting quite feisty today."

"I'm only acting as such in response to your lack of respect for boundaries."

"So, you're playing hard to get. I can deal with that."

He looked at her with utter disgust.

"Yes, I am playing hard to get, just as you're playing hard to believe."

"HEY!"

The couple looked up in surprise. A blonde girl was storming toward them, her face puffing red with anger.

"Chloe?" 'Adrien', recognising the blonde.

"What are you doing here with my Adrikins?" The mayor's daughter demanded, glaring at Lila who just smirked.

"He's on a date with me."

"Father's orders." 'Adrien' quipped.

Chloe scoffed. "Obviously. No way my Adrikins would go out with you over me."

"Just go away, you dumb blonde! He's with me and me alone! His father said so!" Lila snapped and then turned to her date, fluttering her eyelashes. "Now where were we?"

"You were touching me inappropriately and telling lies about yourself." 'Adrien' retorted.

Chloe blinked in confusion. "Adrien, are you ok? You sound like a grundy 90s movie character is possessing you."

'Adrien' gulped. It was hard to stay in character, but the situation with two girls he doesn't even like fight over him just brought out his real self.

"I agree. You are acting strange." Lila leaned in, her smirk more deadly. "But lucky for you, I like it…"

Unlucky for me…

Lila puckered her lips, just about to kiss 'Adrien'…

SWOOSH!

Lila's cold lips ended up kissing a thin, metal rod.

Now Kagami was her and she had her fencing sword in between Lila's lips and 'Adrien'.

"Are you blind? Do you not see Adrien is uncomfortable with you?" Kagami questioned.

Not as blind as you thinking I am him. Felix thought.

"He's with me!" Lila shouted.

"Reluctantly." Adrien commented as the girls quickly fell into a fierce argument.

"He wants me!"

"Yeah right! As if!"

"You force him into this! Just like you're forcing yourself on him!"

"He wanted it!"

"He never wanted to go out with you! I'm perfect girlfriend material!"

"No, I am!"

"I am!"

"No way!"

"You shut up!"

These girls are worse than the time Allan and Claude decided to play the drums and trombone in the library…

'Adrien' abruptly stood up, getting the girls' attention on him.

"I have enough of this. If you girls are going to fight over me like a piece of meat, then allow me to leave so I don't have to hear your squawking."

Lila and Chloe gasped whereas Kagami made a face of curiosity. She silently noted 'Adrien' was not acting his usual self. Adrien would never talk so harshly. He was always polite even when he's distressed.

It was as if he was another person…

"Wait!"

Lila grabbed his arm and pulled him in close.

"At least give me a goodbye kiss."

She leaned in to kiss him, but thankfully, she was pushed by her rivals, letting go of 'Adrien.'

"Leave him alone!"

"He's mine!"

"No, he's mine!"

"You're both wrong! He's mine!"

"You backstabber!"

"Get away from him!"

The girls quickly engulfed in a fight cloud. 'Adrien' rolled his green eyes and left the scene as fast as he cold before any of them notice.


Felix only stepped inside his cousin's mansion when his uncle greeted him.

"Felix."

Behind the man, Natalie played a video of the disastrous date, which was apparently going viral on the internet.

"Explain this."

Felix shrugged, not really caring. "It is not my fault that those girls decide to let their petty jealousy convert them into feral beasts."

"I mean why are you in place of my son who is supposed to be dating miss Rossi?! I know it's you, Felix, the minute I saw that video! I demand to know where my son is!"

"He's elsewhere with his own date, far away from that harpy."

"Lila Rossi is the only girl for Adrien. I've chosen her myself."

"Do you know she's a pathological liar?"

Gabriel pursed his lips. "…She's keeping Adrien from bad influences."

"She only wants to keep him to herself. If anyone is a bad influence on Adrien, it's her. She's a liar and a molester in the making."

"He's with that baker's daughter, isn't he? I do not care if she is a good designer. She has no place in my brand."

Felix didn't like the way his uncle was talking about his girlfriend's cousin, the sweet girl his cousin was in love with.

"Surely a girl with a flair for designing clothes is much more valuable than a wannabe model for your brand. Lila's good looks are only good for a short period of time. Marinette's creative brain is everlasting. If Adrien's relationship goes further and he marries Marinette, she would make an excellent heir and you can keep the brand in the Agreste family. And I'm appalled you only care about your company than the company you put your son in. Not only does Adrien have to deal with a girl with no respect for boundaries or tact, but he also has unwanted advances from all around. Marinette is the only girl he wants, and she respects his boundaries. So, uncle, Marinette Dupain-Cheng is the only girl worthy of your son."

Although Felix had a point, Gabriel refused to accept defeat.

Sensing this, Felix sighed. "If you do not allow Adrien to see Marinette, I'll tell my mother that you're letting a girl like Lila who gropes him and lies about her intentions model with him."

Gabriel's eyes widened so much, his glasses almost snapped in half. "You wouldn't."

Felix crossed his arms over his chest. "I would."

"You're bluffing."

"Are you willing to risk it? You know how protective my mother is. She never liked you. She'll sue you and get custody of Adrien. And if the public finds out about any of this…"

Gabriel hates to admit but his insufferable nephew was right.

Amelie, his dear wife's twin sister, never approved of him and was fiercely protective of her nephew. Only Emilie's family can stand up to him.

And win.

"…fine. But first, miss Dupain-Cheng must attend dinner. I need to prep her on what lies ahead."

"Good."

Just as Gabriel turned his back to make plans, Felix whipped out his phone and saw a message from his girlfriend.

How's my cheating ex doing?

He texted back. I just cheated on you with three girls.

Are they prettier than me?

As pretty as pretty girls go and no brain cell between them.

They're just jealous and in love. Remember, I did some crazy stuff when I was trying to get your attention.

He chuckled. I remember. At least you understand boundaries and didn't grope me.

Adrien's stalker groped you? I'm gonna kill her!

Let my uncle and mother kill her career first.


By the next day, Adrien no longer had to worry about Lila because she was promptly fired for her behaviour.

…As well as Amelie's insistence to take the only bad influence away from Adrien.

Adrien owned Felix so much for this.


While Adrien and Marinette were on another date, Felix and Bridgette were on a date themselves, eating ice cream in the park.

"Another scoop, my dear?"

"Felix, that was your third one!"

"Nah, I'm cold hearted. Besides, Adrien is paying for this date."

"You're such a good cousin." Bridgette teased.

She and Felix leaned in towards each other and shared a kiss.

"Hey!"

But the couple jolted apart at the sudden shout.

"Get your fat lips off him!" The shout came again.

The couple looked to see Lila, Chloe and Kagami heading their way.

"Oh God." Felix moaned. "Not them!"

"He's my man!" Lila yelled.

"No, he's mine!" Chloe shouted.

"Haven't you two listened to Mr Agreste?" Kagami questioned. "Adrien is now dating Marinette. And Lila, I believe you are banned from approaching Adrien."

"But you like him too!"

"I do. But I will not waste any more time and energy on a boy who doesn't share my feelings. I am pleased that Marinette is no longer hesitating."

"Actually, I'm-" Marinette tried to say but she was cut off by Lila and Chloe.

"Whoa, Marinette! What's wrong with your hair?"

"Yeah, it looks like a bird's nest!"

"Or struck by lightning!"

The two girls laughed cruelly at their speculation.

Marinette grasped her hair protectively and frowned at the mean girls. "Well, my boyfriend likes my messy hair."

Those simple words angered Lila and Chloe.

"Why you bi-"

Lila reached out to slap 'Marinette'.

But 'Marinette' grabbed her wrist before she could and twisted it behind her back.

"Ow!" Lila screamed.

'Marinette' then let go of Lila. Then Chloe tried to scratch 'Marinette's' face, only for 'Marinette' to hit her hand away with impressive and fast movements.

"What the?"

Chloe was confused by 'Marinette's' strange strength while Lila was downright furious.

'Marinette' sighed and turned around, leaving both girls to charge at her, hoping to tackle her from behind.

…only for 'Marinette' to flip over them and landed right behind them. When Chloe and Lila turned around, 'Marinette' was posed like Bruce Lee with an angry expression of her own.

"Now you two decided to get physical, all bets are off." She said just before she gave out a battle cry.

Chloe and Lila screamed in unison as 'Marinette' easily beat them up, getting into another fright cloud.

"You're not Adrien and that is not Marinette." Kagami said to Felix, finally realising the truth. "Who are you?"

"I'm Adrien's cousin, Felix Graham de Vanily. And that is my girlfriend, Bridgette Cheng."

Kagami glanced to the fight cloud. "…She's strong."

"Yes, she has a black belt in karate." Felix replied, smiling proudly of his girlfriend.

After a minute, the fight cloud dispersed, revealing Lila and Chloe on the ground with crosses for eyes and Bridgette standing over them, not a hair out of place on her already crazy hair.

"Can we go to see a movie now?" She asked.