Our story began in the quiet little mountain town of South Park, during the day. A house had just been sold, and movers were seen carrying boxes into the house for the town's newest residents, the Bobinskis. The two parents, Chris and Kelly, laid down and started opening the boxes.
"Well I think that's everything." Chris stated.
"We did it, hon, we're really moved in!" Kelly said, embracing her husband.
"It's a new beginning for us. Things are finally going to be good!" Chris added.
"Do you really think it will be better... for him?" Kelly asked.
"They won't look for him here. We just need to make sure he doesn't attract any attention. Come on, let's see how he's doing." Chris said, as both parents walk up to the New Kid's door, with Kelly knocking on the door.
"Sweetie? Hon, you all dressed?" She asked.
"Yeah, mom! Just checking my room out." A young male voice answered from behind the door. The couple looked at each other for a while, before opening the door, revealing their son, the hero of this story, the man of the hour, Seth Bobinski.
"Hey, champ. How do you like your new room?" Chris asked.
Seth had a look around for a short bit, before responding.
"It's not too bad, I guess. Could do with some more cool stuff in it though." Seth admitted.
"You'll get used to it." Chris responded. "Now, I know it's a big change for all of us, Seth, but... do you remember why we moved to this quiet little mountain town?"
Seth had a think about it for a bit before answering the question.
"Not really, I just thought things didn't work out back in Cleveland." Seth answered. The couple whispered to each other in response.
"He doesn't remember." Chris said.
"He doesn't remember at all." Kelly added
"That's good, that's good, he doesn't remember." Chris pointed out.
"Guys, I'm standing right here. I can hear every word you guys are saying." Seth said.
"Uhh, sweetie, we want you to have lots of fun here. Why don't you go out and make some friends?" Kelly asked.
"Right, get outside and play, son. Like, like normal kids." Chris added.
"What are you talking about? I AM normal!" Seth whined.
"Uh... We've got some money for you on the kitchen counter, sweetie. Just, be back before it gets dark." Kelly said, ignoring Seth's complaint for some reason...
"Oh, cool! Maybe I can get my hands on some Chinpokomon for my collection!" Seth said, hopeful as he took the money.
"Yeah, we love you too." Chris said sarcastically.
"Oh yeah, thanks for the money. I love you guys too." Seth said quickly, as both his parents left the room. Before leaving the house, Seth approached his dad to ask him something.
"Hey, dad. Before I go, can I get some lunch?" Seth asked. "I'm pretty hungry."
"It wasn't a request, Seth, it was a command. Now get out there and make some friends this instant!" Chris demanded.
"Alright, already. Jesus..." Seth said in response, as he proceeded to leave the house without getting any lunch. Now outside, he noticed Butters Stotch fighting against a Drow Elf nearby.
"You shall die by my war hammer, Drow Elf!" Butters declared.
"Nuh uh." The Drow Elf said in disagreement.
"I banish thee to the forest realm!" Butters continued.
"No way! I banished you first!" The Drow Elf argued. Soon after, he had the advantage over Butters.
"Ah ha! You can't hold out much longer!" He added.
"Help! Somebody! I can't hold out much longer! HEEEELLLLP!" Butters cried out, prompting Seth to step up and help him out.
"Hey! You leave that funny looking kid alone!" Seth declared, before hitting the Drow Elf.
"Hey, no fair, that's cheating! I'm gonna tell my mom!" The Drow Elf protested before leaving. After he left, Seth went to check on Butters.
"You alright, dude?" Seth asked.
"Yeah. Thanks, kid. I didn't realise he had a health potion." Butters answered.
"It's all good." Seth responded. "What's your name by the way? I'm Seth. I just moved here."
"My... my name is Butters the Merciful. I'm a paladin. I live right next door to you. We should be friends." Butters responded.
"I would like that! I don't even know you, but I've been asked to go out and make some friends." Seth gladly said in agreement. With that, him and Butters had quickly become friends.
"Now that we're friends, you should speak with the Wizard King. He's been talking about your arrival." Butters said.
"He has?" Seth asked, slightly concerned.
"Yeah. The Wizard lives this way, in the green house over there." Butters answered, pointing to the house on the right of his house, revealing the premises of Eric Cartman.
Butters proceeded to make his way to the house, with Seth following close behind. While walking, the two decided to get to know each other by having a conversation.
"Hey, Seth, where are you from?" Butters asked.
"I'm from South Park. Obviously." Seth jokingly answered.
"Yeah, I know that. But where'd you live before moving here?" Butters added, playing along with Seth's banter.
"Oh, that's what you meant! I used to live in Cleveland, Ohio." Seth answered. "But then some crazy shit went down over there, and now, I don't live there anymore."
"Oh, you mean like when LeBron James left Cleveland for Miami?" Butters pointed out.
"Exactly." Seth added, before angrily muttering to himself. "Fucking traitor..."
"Uh... Do you like Colorado?" Butters asked.
"Oh, sure! It's quiet here. And I'm a big Denver Broncos fan too." Seth replied.
"Yeah, those Denver Broncos are pretty neato. Not as good as the South Park Cows though." Butters said, before observed Seth's haircut. "Why are you wearing your hair like that by the way?"
"Huh? What's wrong with my hair?" Seth asked defensively. "It doesn't make me look gay, does it?"
"Not really, it just looks funny." Butters admitted. "But that's okay, a lot of us fellas have funny hair. You'll fit right in."
"Oh, great!" Seth said, relieved. "But just so you know Butters, I'm straight."
After their brief conversation, Seth and Butters approached Cartman's house. Butters knocked on the door, and the person who opened the door was the Grand Wizard himself.
"All hail the Grand Wizard!" Butters exclaimed.
"So, you are the new kid." Cartman said, addressing Seth.
"Yeah..." Seth replied, before asking a suspicious question. "Wait, how'd you know I was new here?"
"Your coming was foretold by Coldwell Banker." Cartman replied. "I am the Grand Wizard King Cartman!"
"Okay, good to meet you, man." Seth said, offering a handshake to Cartman, who didn't reciprocate.
"I am afraid that the time for talk is not nigh. Let me show you my kingdom." He added.
"Uh... Okay?" Seth responded, a bit weirded out.
After this brief introduction, Cartman, Butters and Seth proceeded to enter the house, passing through the living room. On the way, they passed Cartman's mother.
"Oh, who's your new friend, Eric?" Mrs. Cartman asked.
"Shut up mom, not now." Cartman responded, ignoring his mom's question and turning to Seth. "Don't talk to her, she's not a part of the game."
After passing through the kitchen, the trio made it to Cartman's backyard.
"Welcome, to the Kingdom of Kupa Keep!" Cartman declared.
Seth was given a view of Kupa Keep. Also present in the kingdom were Kenny McCormick, his little sister Karen, Clyde Donovan and Scott Malkinson. Cartman then walked over to Clyde who was selling weapons, introducing him to Seth.
"Our weapon shop here is tended by Clyde, a level 14 warrior." Cartman explained, before moving over to Scott, who was tending to Mr. Kitty in a small pen.
"Here you can see our massive stables. Overseen by the level 9 ranger Scott Malkinson, who has the power of diabetes." Cartman said.
"...Those aren't stables." Seth pointed out. This observation was just ignored by Cartman, who made his move, standing next to Kenny and Karen.
"And here, of course, is the breathtaking and lovely Princess Kenny. The fairest maiden in all the kingdom."
Kenny takes a twirl at the lock of wig on his head. Seth just looked very confused.
"Don't ask why Kenny wanted to be a chick, it's just how he seems to be rolling right now..." Cartman whispered to Seth, before taking a quick glance at Kenny, and back again, as he wanted Cartman to introduce Karen to Seth.
"And this here is one of the greatest fighters in the entire land of Zaron, the badass and heroic Prince Karen." He added.
Karen was seen hiding behind Kenny slightly, but had a cute friendly smile on her face. Cartman proceeded to whisper to Seth again after introducing Karen.
"Normally, I wouldn't allow a girl to play with us, but Kenny insisted we let his sister play with us too." Cartman explained. "I'm not really happy about it, but the Princess kept begging me to do it.
After the introductions, Seth checked the kingdom out some more, and decided to approach Clyde and try to befriend him.
"So what's your deal, man?" Seth asked him, wanting to know more about his fellow classmates.
"You may have heard of my deeds at the Battle of Stark's Pond." Clyde answered.
"Uh, not really, no..." Seth said in response.
"That's the line the Grand Wizard gave me." Clyde admitted.
"Oh... Yeah, I suppose that makes sense." Seth replied. "So what are your hobbies?"
"Sorry, but the Grand Wizard told me to stick to the script." Clyde responded.
"Oh..." Realising he probably wasn't gonna get anything else out of him, Seth decided to turn his attention to Scott.
"Hey, man. Wanna tell me a little about yourself?" Seth asked him.
"My loyalty to the kingdom is as incurable as my diabetes." Scott answered.
"Cool, bro... So, uh, what's it like living with diabetes?" Seth asked.
"The power of diabetes is both a gift and a curse. But mostly a curse." Scott answered.
"Uh, sorry to hear that..." Seth responded, feeling as if the conversation has gone awkward.
"The Grand Wizard withholds snacks if we talk off script." Scott said in response. The conversation had indeed turned awkward.
"Stick to your lines. No talking, Scott." Cartman added. Wanting to be spared of any more awkward encounters, Seth returned to Cartman.
"So why did you want me to come here?" Seth asked.
"You have been sought out, new kid, because humans everywhere are in great danger." Cartman explained. "I heed something from you, and, in return, I am prepared to allow you into my kingdom. I know you are very excited."
"I'd say I'm more confused than excited. But I digress." Seth said. "So what do I do next?"
"It's time for your first quest, but first, please tell us thy name..." Cartman asked.
"Oh, that's easy: My name is Seth. Seth Bobinski." Seth explained.
"You've entered "Douchebag". Is that correct?" Cartman asked.
"What-? No." Seth responded.
"Are you sure you want to keep the name "Douchebag"?" Cartman asked.
"I said no! My name is Seth!" Seth responded annoyed.
"Very well, Douchebag." Cartman said, completely ignoring S's protests. "You will now choose a class: Fighter, Mage, Thief or Jew."
"What are the differences between each class?" Seth asked.
"A fighter has courage, honor and the ability to kick fucking ass." Cartman answered. He then looked over at Seth.
"...What?" Seth asked.
"A white fighter? Haven't seen a good one of those for a while." He said.
"Okay...? What's a mage like?" Seth asked.
"A mage is like a wizard only not as cool." Cartman answered.
"And a thief?" Seth asked. Cartman simply looked at him.
"Hm... You look sneaky enough to be a thief." He answered. "But a white thief? Never heard of one, but interesting."
"And what about a Jew? Is this different from the religion?" Seth asked.
"Jew, huh? So I guess we'l never really be friends." Cartman answered bluntly.
"Wait, I'm not Jewish." Seth stated.
"Ah, so you're not another Kyle? Disregard that last sentence then." Cartman said. "So what class will it be, Douchebag?
"Umm... I'll go with being a Mage!" Seth decided.
"Very well! We welcome to our kingdom Douchebag the Mage!" Cartman announced.
"Hooray!" Butters cheered.
"Seth the Mage." Seth said, correcting Cartman, who just ignored him.
"Now please go and visit the weapons shop. Procure yourself a weapon and we shall teach you to fight!" Cartman requested.
"Sure thing." Seth said, as he went over to Clyde in the weapons shop. "Hey, dude. Me again. The Grand Wizard is asking that I get myself a weapon to fight with."
"So I heard. Would you like to see my wares, weary traveller?" Clyde asked.
"Yes please." Seth replied.
"Perhaps you would like to hear tips and rumors for two dollars?" Clyde added.
"Yeah, alright." Seth accepted, paying Clyde two dollars for tips.
"Don't waste your money on tips and rumors." Clyde responded.
"You mean I just spent two dollars for nothing?" Seth asked.
"Yes." Clyde answered.
"I don't know if I like that." Seth added.
"Well, it's done." Clyde said. Seth just sighed and picked his weapon of choice, a Magic Wand. He then returned to Cartman to show him the wand.
"I got a weapon!" Seth announced, showing off his new wand.
"Ah, you have procured a weapon. Nice. It is now time to teach you how to fight." Cartman said. "I want you to take your new weapon, and with the bravery of a noble knight, beat up Clyde."
"What?" Asked both Seth and Clyde.
"Kick Clyde's ass, Douchebag." Cartman added.
"What'd I do?" Clyde asked.
"I'm the King, Clyde, and the King wishes to be amused. Go on, Douchebag, kick his ass." Cartman ordered.
With Cartman's order, Seth and Clyde began their sparring session.
"I'm gonna kick your ass!" Clyde said in an aggressive tone.
"Whoa, what did I do?" S asked, surprised by Clyde's sudden hostility.
"Clyde, you have to wait your turn." Cartman explained, preventing him from attacking S.
"That's lame." Clyde complained.
"No Clyde, it's like olden times. You have to wait your turn. Like in the Middle Ages, Clyde! I know it's lame, Clyde, but that's how we're fucking doing it." Cartman replied, before turning to Seth. "Alright, Douchebag, bash Clyde's face in, don't be shy."
"Uh... Alright." Seth said, readying to attack Clyde. "Sorry I gotta fuck you up, dude."
Seth prepared to strike Clyde, but failed to execute the attack properly.
"That all you got?" Clyde taunted.
"Oh my god, it's Butters all over again." Cartman lamented. "Okay, look. Try putting your back into it at the last possible moment."
Now with a look of determination, Seth retried his first turn, and successfully hit Clyde this time.
"Oh hell yeah, Clyde's your bitch." Cartman said. "All right, Clyde's wearing armor. In order to hurt him, I want you to hit Clyde as hard as you can."
Seth went to attack again, and threw a more powerful attack on Clyde.
"Oh shit dude, I think I see blood. Fucking nice, brah. That's exactly what you do to guys with armor like that." Cartman said. "Okay listen up, the key to surviving in battle is not get hit in the balls. Clyde, it's your turn to attack. Douchebag, protect your balls!"
"Prepare yourself! Clyde announced as he moved and attempted a hit on Seth, who successfully blocked the attack by covering his crotch.
"Yes! That's what I'm talking about! Dude you're already way better than Clyde." Cartman said, pleased with Seth's prowess. "All right, it's time to use your heroic powers. Using your abilities take power points, or "PP" for short."
"Heh, PP..." Said Clyde, chuckling.
"IF YOU HAVE A FUCKING BETTER NAME FOR THEM THEN FUCKING SAY IT, CLYDE! FUCKING ASSHOLE! I'M THE KING AND I SAY IT'S PP!" Cartman said angrily, before turning to l. "Douchebag, use your Mage ability to make Clyde pay for insulting the king!"
Seth proceeded to use his "Dragon Breath" ability, burning Clyde with a firecracker, causing him to scream out in anguish.
"Oh, shit!" Seth exclaimed, surprised over what he did.
"Way to wipe that smile off his stupid face, Douchebag! Now... do it one more time, finish him!" Cartman ordered.
"What? I was going easy. Take this!" Clyde said, as he took his turn and attacked Seth, who blocked it successfully.
Seth received his turn next. Another successful Dragon Breath attack managed to knock down Clyde, leaving him crying. Afterwards, Cartman approached the two.
"Hahaha! Dude that was awesome! You were all like BRAMMGMG! And Clyde was all like AHGHG NOO! Hahahaa!" Cartman laughed, as Clyde picked himself up after the battle against Seth. "Okay, okay, you've proved yourself worthy, Douchebag. Now come inside the war tent and I shall let you see the relic."
Cartman entered the tent. Before joining him, Seth was briefly approached by Scott.
"You fight pretty good, new kid." He said.
"Oh thanks, man." Seth replied, appreciating the compliment, before entering the war tent.
"Well, here it is. The reason why humans and elves are locked in a never-ending war. The relic for which human and elf are willing to die..." Cartman said, as S was shown a wooden stick, known as the Stick of Truth, placed on top of a red pillow on a pedestal, complimented with a head lamp to shine on the stick.
"Isn't that just a stick?" Seth asked.
"It may seem like that to you. But this is no ordinary stick. For this particular stick is the most famous relic in the entire universe; The Stick of Truth." Cartman explained. "Just two days ago, we took the stick back from the elves. Our kingdom was dying, but now it thrives. For whoever controls the Stick, controls the universe."
After explaining the stick and its purpose to Seth, Cartman turned away and closed his eyes.
"Don't gaze at it too long! For its powers are too much for mere mortals to look at." He exclaimed.
Playing along with Cartman, Seth also turned away from the stick while averting his eyes. Afterwards, they continued talking with each other.
"Now that you have seen the Stick of Truth, let's discuss your dues." Cartman said.
"My dues? What, do I owe you money or something?" Seth asked.
"Precisely." Cartman answered. "Being a member of my kingdom costs nine-ninety five for the first week, $4 of which is tax deductible..."
"ALARM! ALARM! ALARM!" The voice of Butters interrupted, yelling from outside the tent.
"Someone has sounded the alarm!" Cartman noted, as Butters entered the war tent looking frantic.
"ALARM! ALARM! ALARM!"
"Butters, what's wrong?" Seth asked.
"Yeah, what is it?" Cartman added.
"The elves are attacking!" Butters exclaimed.
"What?" Seth asked surprised.
"Oh my God! Defensive positions!" Cartman exclaimed, as he left the tent, leaving Seth now alone in the tent.
"Wait, what's going on?" Seth asked, not sure what was happening.
"Douchebag! Come out here and help us!" Cartman answered from outside, not bothering to give him an answer.
Seth just shrugged his shoulders and left the tent to see the commotion.
"Man the gates! Don't let them through!" Cartman yelled, as outside the Kupa Keep tent, an army of elves stand ready to invade, led by Chris Donnely.
"Give us the Stick, humans!" He demanded.
"Fuck you, Drow Elves! Come and get it!" Cartman retorted, turning to Clyde. "Clyde, guard the Stick of Truth while we defend the fortress!"
"Aye aye!" Clyde responded, as he left to take his position.
"Aye aye? We're not playing pirates, Clyde!" Cartman said in an annoyed tone before turning to Seth. "Douchebag, this is your chance to prove yourself. Hold off the asshole elves at all costs!"
Now the Kingdom of Kupa Keep had now become a warzone. Seth looked around frantically, not sure what to do.
"Shit! What do I do?! I don't know what to do!" Seth exclaimed, before both he and Cartman saw Butters struggling against the same drow elf he previously fought.
"Butters! Butters! You're losing! Stop losing!" Cartman called out.
"But I don't wanna make 'em feel bad!" Butters responded.
"Leave my new buddy alone, asshole!" Seth angrily stated as he proceeded to go after the Drow Elf attacking Butters.
"Kick their asses, Douchebag. I got your back!" Cartman added.
Seth entered his first of three fights against the Drow Elves, while Cartman watched from the sidelines.
"Do it, Douchebag. Kick these elves' asses." Cartman demanded.
"I thought you said you had my back!" Seth said.
"I do have your back, but in a tutorial sense." Cartman added. "Just beat up these elves!"
"Will do!" Seth said in a determined way. But after the first turn, Seth became seriously hurt after an attack from one of the Drow Elves.
"Ow! Motherfucker!" Seth whined. "That fucking hurt, bitch!"
"You're wounded, Douchebag!" Cartman pointed out.
"Yeah, no shit, man! I thought this game was meant to be safe!" Seth complained.
"Don't be such a crybaby, Douchebag. Potions will heal you. Here." Cartman said, taking out a bag of Cheesy Poofs.
"Oh, thank God! I'm starving!" Seth said. After receiving the Cheesy Poofs (or known in the game as a "Health Potion"), Seth consumed the potion, healing himself.
"Hey, I think that worked! I'm not hurt anymore" Seth said in a surprised way.
"Yes you are. The rules say you can have one potion at every turn. I asked for five, but this was the compromise." Cartman said, explaining how Health Potions work before turning to the Drow Elf. "This guy's fast, Douchebag. Try to block all his attacks."
Seth tried to block the attacks, but failed.
"Dammit!" Seth said in frustration.
"Well, if this job doesn't work out, at least you've got a future as a training dummy. Come on, get it right." Cartman said, encouraging him.
Seth tried to block the attacks again, this time managing to successfully block all of the Drow Elf's attacks on his second try.
"Hey, I got him!" Seth said, pleased with himself.
"Okay, if you block all the attacks, you get a counterattack." Cartman pointed out, directing Seth to the downed Drow Elf. "Look at your enemy on the ground, weak and helpless. Kick the shit out of him!"
Upon being told this, Seth successfully executed the counterattack, in which he proceeded to kick the Drow Elf up the ass.
"Awesome. You kicked his helpless ass. Literally. Now finish off these elves in the name of the Wizard King." Cartman ordered.
"For the Wizard King!" Seth declared, as he finished the elves off, winning his first fight. He then went over to the second Drow Elf who was hitting on a fainted Scott.
"I swear to God, Scott, if you keep fighting like a pussy I'll come over there and kick you in your diabetic nuts!" Cartman said angrily.
"I got this!" Seth stated, and a second fight began with a Drow Elf warrior and an archer.
"You got this, Douchebag!" Cartman said in agreement, as a Drow Elf warrior took a Riposting position towards Seth.
"You're mine now!" The Drow Elf archer said as he proceeded to take a shot at Seth, who managed to dodge it.
"What are you waiting for, Douchebag? That guy's just standing there, go kick his ass!" Cartman said, directing Seth to the Drow Elf warrior.
"What a dumbass!" Seth sarcastically remarked, as he tried to use a melee attack against the warrior, but failed his turn and ended up getting attacked instead.
"Ow!" He exclaimed. "You dick!"
"Hahaha, he was totally waiting for you, dude." Cartman laughed, before getting serious. "You can't just hit him like that. You need to try a different tactic to damage him. Look at that archer, hiding behind his friend like a wuss. Switch to your arrows, Douchebag. Snipe that little bitch."
Seth then took out a bow and arrow, and got ready to aim it.
"Sweet, now you can hit the guy in the back. Go for the pink mist." Cartman encouraged.
"What the hell's a pink mist?" Seth asked.
"Don't ask about it, just shoot that guy!" Cartman responded.
Seth proceeded to shoot the arrow at the other Drow Elf archer at the back, knocking him out.
"Gotcha, bitch!" Seth said triumphantly.
"Yeah, bitch! That's what you get for fucking with the Wizard King!" Cartman added.
"In you face!" The Drow Elf warrior said, as he switched to a Reflecting position.
"Careful, Douchebag. That guy's ready for your arrows now. You gotta try something else." Cartman warned.
"I think I've got an idea!" Seth said, as he proceeded to take out his wand again, which he used to knock out the warrior.
"Great job, Douchebag!" Cartman cheered, as Seth claimed another victory. He finally approached the last elf who was seen fighting Mr. Kitty.
"No kitty, fight back! That's a bad Kitty!" Cartman yelled, before Seth saved Mr. Kitty from further assault, and got into his third and final fight.
"Let's do this, Douchebag." Cartman said.
"Hell yeah!" Seth said in agreement. One elf was seen Riposting, while the other was shielded.
"Okay, that guy has a shield. Shields are super weak. Just hit them with your simplest hit over and over to wear them down quickly." Cartman explained.
Getting the hang of the tutorial, Seth went over to hit the shielded elf and brought down his shield status with a powerful attack with his wand.
"Yeah, that's how you do it." Cartman said in an encouraging tone. "The other elf let his guard down. Now's your chance. Power attack his armor!"
"Got it!" Seth said as he took a power attack against the remaining elf, greatly damaging him.
"That's it, now finish him!" Cartman ordered.
"GET OVER HERE!" Seth exclaimed in his best imitation of Scorpion from Mortal Kombat, as he claimed victory over the Drow Elves.
"Drow Elves! Fall back! Fall back, I say!" Chris Donnely called out, as the remaining elves woke up, and left the Kingdom of Kupa Keep.
"Yes! Awesome, dude! Take that, you asshole elves! Better luck next time!" Cartman said in a taunting manner, before he began singing in a mocking fashion. "Nya nya nya nya nyaaa nya! We still control the universe! Ha ha ha ha haaa ha!"
After the taunting, Clyde approached Cartman to tell him something.
"It's gone." He said.
"What?" Cartman asked.
"The Stick of Truth. The elves got it." He added.
There was a very long and awkward silence after this news was delivered, to which Cartman broke the silence by proceeding to yell at Clyde.
"THAT WAS YOUR ONE GOD DAMNED JOB, CLYDE! TO GUARD THE STICK OF FUCKING TRUTH!"
There was another pause, before Cartman decided on Clyde's punishment.
"Clyde... You are hereby BANISHED FROM SPACE AND TIME!" He declared.
"What? NO! You can't do that!" Clyde argued in protest.
"Yeah I can! You're banished and lost in time and space!" Cartman retorted.
"Yeah! Go home, Clyde!" Butters added, as Clyde angrily took his leave.
"Sorry for kicking your ass earlier, man!" Seth called out to him as he walked away.
"Fuck you, asshole!" Clyde angrily snapped back at him out of view. Afterwards, Cartman addressed Seth.
"You fought bravely on the battlefield, Douchebag." He said.
"Yeah, this New Kid may be a douchebag but he sure can fight." Scott added.
"Hey! Seth said, offended by him being called a douchebag on purpose.
"Shut up, Scott. Nobody cares what you think." Cartman said before addressing the team. "Anyways, we have a bigger problem now. The Stick of Truth has been stolen and we must assemble our entire army in order to get it back."
"But out four best warriors still haven't reported for duty, my king." Butters pointed out.
"Our newest member can take care of that." Cartman said, turning to Seth. "Douchebag, I want you to go out into the neightborhood and find my four greatest warriors. Tolkien, Tweek, Pip and Craig."
"Sure, but how will I know these guys when I see them?" Seth asked.
"That'll soon be remedied." Cartman answered. "I am texting their pictures to your personal inventory device now."
Cartman soon took out his phone and did so, before stowing it back. Afterwards, the sound of a phone vibrating was heard, and Seth checked his own phone.
"Okay, that makes sense." Seth said, as he glanced at the four kids he had to talk to on his phone. He was then given four identical letters, one for each person.
"But beware, the lands outside are full of marauding drow elves, monsters and sixth graders. Be sure you are well equipped." Cartman advised.
"Should I go use the shop then before I head out?" Seth asked.
"If you must make sure you're well equipped if you're not already, then so be it." Cartman answered. "Now go! And send my warriors here!"
"Right!" Seth said in a determined tone, saluting the Grand Wizard before heading off. However, after a few more seconds, he awkwardly returned, having forgot to equip himself.
"Sorry, forgot to make sure I was well equipped..." He said, before taking some stuff from the shop, now fully ready.
"Okay, NOW I'm ready! I'll be back with your warriors soon." Seth declared, as he proceeded to leave the kingdom.
"Butters, go with him." Cartman said, dispatching Butters to aid Seth in his quest to find the kingdoms four best warriors.
