AN: So, here's the next chapter. Where Tanya does more than just do an expositional monologue. Anyways, please post your reviews, comments, violent reactions, etc. Your feedback is very much appreciated!
Disclaimer: Youjo Senki belongs to Being X. That's all I will say, lest I be the next one reincarnated into a suffering world. FMA is the property of Hiromu Arakawa. I wish I could come up with great stories like her.
II. A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to Central
ENGINE 251, EAST CITY-CENTRAL CITY RAIL LINE, 9 MARCH, 1917
Pleasant, idyllic countryside vistas passed along the outside of my window as I yawned in boredom. This was my first time away from East City. Hell, it was the first time I was away from the orphanage for any more than a few hours. But I had a goal, and nothing was going to stop me. Not even an act of Being X.
Though maybe boredom might slow me down somewhat. I yawned again as I shook my head and slapped my cheeks in an attempt to stay up. Six years of hard work reading up everything I could about alchemy and I was going to be set back by taking a nap on a train. To be fair, Central was hardly the closest place there was, so it was only understandable that the trip would take a couple of days.
In the meantime, there was literally nothing left to do. If I reviewed my notes and experiments yet again, I could end up suffering from a mental block later down the road. Most cram school teachers would advise taking an occasional rest from reviewing before taking an exam, lest your brain melt from over exhaustion. And so, the best course of action would be to take a break while I could. The exam was indeed still a few weeks away, even after I would arrive in Central, so there was plenty of time to just let my mind wander before getting back to my studies.
Staring outside, I'd recall that fateful day over nine years ago, when a subway train killed me, and how that bastard Being X decided to screw around with my life. I'd sworn to not give in to his plot, and to rise from the ashes like a phoenix in brilliance. The simplest way to disprove his asinine theory was to make sure my life was as comfortable as possible.
There were a few close calls. When I was five years old, there was rioting in a small east sector town called Lior. The military quelled it, but some religious lunatics working for some priest named Father Cornello successfully staged a bombing in East City. It was a block from the orphanage, and a piece of a building that had been destroyed landed three feet away from me.
A short time after that, some maniac Ishvalan fanatic with a grudge against State Alchemists went around town blowing up their faces with deconstructive alchemy. That included one Shou Tucker, a bio-alchemy specialist who gained his license two years prior from creating a talking chimera. About a year before the murder, I'd dropped by a few times to see if he could help me out. Unfortunately, he kept thinking I was there to play with his kid and her dog. What, just because I was around the same age automatically means I have the same mental capacities? I had to explain to him that I wanted to know more about his alchemy. He relented and let me borrow some books from his library. Even gave me a few of tips while he was at it.
It went on for several months. I'd take a couple hours of my free time to visit his library and read some books, practice the basics under his supervision, and then bring what I couldn't finish reading back to the orphanage. To say that my training got a serious turbocharge during that time was not an exaggeration. I thought I'd hit the jackpot. A State Alchemist who, while not spoonfeeding me with all of his secrets, gave me everything I needed to know to get in! However, as with all deals that seemed too good to be true, this one ended up being just that.
I eventually discovered, perhaps by accident, that he didn't really have anything to show from his 'amazing' creation. After all, creating an intelligent, talking chimera was one thing… Mixing up your wife with an animal to make it look like you created a talking chimera was another. This other thing is called "fraud". Tucker was running a scam. I'd been had. He didn't deserve his license because he just cheated the process! I mean, any two bit alchemist could put two living things together. That's exactly what a chimera is. There was nothing groundbreaking with what he'd done at all. Of course, I made sure to give him a piece of my mind before leaving his place for the last time.
And what happened after that? Let's just say I didn't return the last batch of two dozen books I borrowed. It was the least he could do for wasting my time and making me think he'd come up with an incredible breakthrough. In retrospect, it was for the best that our 'friendship' didn't work out. Otherwise, that fanatic would've killed the both of us if he decided to walk in while I was practicing alchemy at Tucker's house.
The last incident happened a little over a year later, around the time when a conspiracy within Central Command pulled a coup in an attempt to usurp power, and assassinated the Fuhrer while he was on the way back from East City. I'm not quite sure what happened, but whatever it was, I blacked out for an hour or two. The news later revealed that the conspiracy had utilized a combination of the magmatic leylines flowing underneath the country, and the eclipse that was happening at the same time, to attempt a mass transmutation of some kind of agent that rendered its user highly susceptible to suggestion. In other words, they planned to simultaneously hit 50 million people with brainwashing gas.
The magma flows were used to channel the power, while the eclipse's shadow over Amestris served as the circle within which the alchemic reaction would be confined. That's actually a pretty clever plan, if they'd managed to pull it off. 50 million people turning into obedient drones. According to the news, the loyalists were fortunately able to interrupt this transmutation, causing a rebound that at worst, knocked everyone out for a couple of hours.
I probably would have handled it differently. For example, instead of assassinating a highly beloved Fuhrer, I would have just done the whole gas thing and kept him running things, albeit under my thumb. The whole nation would be brainwashed with minimal bloodshed, and the international community wouldn't even realize that Amestris was already under different leadership. No one would be the wiser.
Of course, since I'm not in charge of any sort of government conspiracy, then a guy can only dream, right? Sorry, a guy in a girl's body, to more precise.
In hindsight, it actually sounds like an alchemy-infused variant of the American chemtrail conspiracy theory, with the difference being that it's actually being promoted by the government, rather than debunked. Probably because it's hard to deny the fact that the Fuhrer died in that coup, and there was a big commotion that took place at Central Headquarters. Once in a while, a little honesty with the public can go a long way to build up credibility. That would be one explanation for why they were so upfront about it.
At the risk of falling into conspiracy thinking, I'd say the other explanation is it's a cover story, and the truth is even crazier? But how much crazier can you get than an attempt to brainwash 50 million people in one go?
I shook the useless line of thinking out of my head. The fact remained. None of these events stopped me from continuing to pursue my goal of living a nice, comfortable life as a State Alchemist.
I stood up and left my cabin, wandering to the dining car to maybe get something to eat. Long trips like this can make a girl's body hungry, as I'd just begun to discover.
Having gotten myself a saucer of chocolates, I sat down at a vacant table and began to review my notes while enjoying some of these little delicacies – all at the orphanage's expense, of course. I'd struck a deal with those helpful social workers. If they funded my trip to Central, then I'd pay them back with a cut of my research grant. While they resisted, at first, considering my odds of topping the test, I eventually convinced them with a little application of logic and confidence. If I somehow failed to make State Alchemist this year, I'd find work and send them the reparations. Either way, I'd be able to pay them back somehow.
Child labor prohibitions apparently didn't exist in this country, and someone with my alchemic talents and intelligence could easily find some kind of gainful employment in short order.
While I had my face buried in one of the books I had liberated from Tucker's library, to be more precise, sandwiched somewhere in between the pages concerning Crowley's Theory of Azoth, a voice entered my ears.
"Is that an alchemy book you're reading?" It was light, like a bird's. I almost expected it to be a woman asking me that question, until I took my head out from the book and saw a young man. Tall, short blonde hair, and with a peculiar pair of golden eyes. You didn't see that kind of combination often. Especially not with such a ladylike voice.
"Why yes, yes it is." I said, absentmindedly putting another chocolate into my mouth. Who was this guy, and why was he interested in what looked like a little girl who happened to be reading an alchemy book?
"It's not a public school textbook either," he noted as he continued looking. "Actually, if anything, it looks like a university level publication."
"Well you know, the best books are the university books. You're not gonna find anything good in a high school science textbook, or those Alchemist Monthly tween magazines," I said aloud. I should know. I started by reading those two and found myself sorely wanting for more alchemic knowledge. And as with my world, the most in-depth publications where those you found in the libraries of professionals like Tucker, or locked away on private online journals restricted to memberships one would pay tens of thousands of yen to access.
"That's quite a thing to say for someone your age," he said, voice either betraying some slight surprise, or understating his shock. It was hard to tell, considering his demeanor seemed to be so polite. "May I sit down?" he gestured at the vacant seat across the table from me.
"Sure, go ahead." I went back to poring over Tucker's book. Seriously, who was this guy? It's almost as if it was his first time seeing a kid reading enthusiastically about alchemy. The rogue lock of my hair standing apart from the rest twitched as I began to worry about this mysterious guy sitting on the other end of my table.
"You know, you almost remind me of myself when I was your age," he continued on. "I also started young. My brother and I really got into the subject, since Dad left us a lot of books about it."
"Well, that's interesting," I said, not really paying attention to his words as I turned the page. They barely registered on my brain as they went in one ear and out the next. Next thing you know, he's going to prattle on about his adventures as a mild mannered young alchemist and how he won an award at the school science fair for transmuting some raw materials into a baking soda volcano.
"So what's a little girl like you doing reading university level alchemy textbooks on a train to Central?"
Pausing to organize my thoughts, I popped a chocolate into my mouth. This guy's angle still remained a mystery to me. And his excessive politeness was borderline creepy. He hasn't been going along with any of my not-all-that-subtle hints that I didn't want him around. Did he have something up his sleeve, or was he just that clueless? Did Being X send him? Was this guy his way of stopping me from reaching my dream of becoming a State Alchemist working at a quiet lab in some boring-yet-comfortable corner of Amestris?
Well if he was, then I should at least let him know I was on to him. Being X would have no excuse now. Once I tell my plans to this guy, he can't say I didn't warn him. And if he was just that clueless, well, maybe he'll get a clue.
I slid a bookmark in between the pages and shut Tucker's book, setting it down on the table next to my saucer of chocolates. "Oh, it's pretty simple, really." I smirked. "I'm gonna ace the alchemy exam and become a State Alchemist!"
He applauded with apparent sincerity. "Wow, that's amazing! And at such a young age, too!"
"Yeah, I heard the youngest State Alchemist ever was some farm kid named Edward Elric. Age thirteen. I'm gonna blow his record out of the water! Tanya Degurechaff at age nine!" Ah crap. Looks like I got a bit too excited. I even gave out my name.
"Really, now?" The young man's demeanor changed somewhat, as he gave me a knowing smile. "That's very interesting…!"
Okay, what the hell did I do wrong? Why is he smiling at me like that? Don't tell me I fell for some sort of trap!
"Then I wish you the best of luck on your goal, Tanya." The blonde man with a girly voice gave me a pat on the head. "The world needs more young bright alchemists to lead us into the future."
Why is he speaking like he's some kind of authority on this matter? Oh for the love of… don't tell me he's… I cleared my throat. "So uhh… I never caught your name, Mister…?"
"Alphonse."
Phew. Okay. Alphonse. Not Edward. It had just dawned on me that he was probably very close to, if he wasn't in fact, the same age that this Edward Elric kid should be right now. At least he wasn't Edward Elric, but some guy named Alphonse who happened to have a childhood interest in alchemy. "Pleased to meet you, Mr. Alphonse." I stretched out my hand to offer a shake.
"Likewise, Tanya." He took my hand and we shook. "So where are you staying once you get to Central?"
"Oh, I haven't really thought about it yet. Some cheap bed and breakfast, I guess." I came from an orphanage running on social welfare. They didn't exactly have a pile of cenz just lying around for me to use. I had to plan my trip carefully. There was enough money for about a month's stay, including basic necessities, but the conditions had to be an absolute bargain bin deal. "I'm on a pretty tight budget."
"Hmm, I see…" Alphonse rubbed his chin in deep thought for a few moments, before a metaphorical lightbulb appeared over his head and he pounded his palm with a fist. "I know! Why don't you stay over with me and my alkahestry teacher? She cooks up a mean Kung Pao Chicken!"
Well, let's weigh the pros against the cons. On the one hand, I'd save a ton of money if I freeloaded off of Alphonse's rent. Of course I'd only take the free board and lodge, and make myself look like an upstanding well-raised little girl who pays for her own food, rather than abuse a young adult's generosity. On the other hand, he could just be a pedophilic sexual predator pretending to know a lot about alchemy and pretending to be living with a female Xingese alkahestry teacher in order to lower my guard. His demeanor did shift somewhat after I mentioned my age. Why would I even consider these possibilities? Because nobody wants to get raped, female or male. Better safe than sorry.
So how do I test this? Well, it could actually be a lot easier than one might think. "Really?" I feigned interest, widening my eyes appropriately. "Could you demonstrate some of that alkahestry for me? I've read about it in theory, but I've never actually seen anyone do it."
"Oh, well, it's not really as simple as that…" A worried look came over his face.
Aha. Gotcha. "Well, if you don't really know that much yet, it's okay."
"I mean, May knows a lot more than I do, so maybe you could just ask her to-"
"But it'd be really cool, you know," A fake name now? Oh no, you don't. I'm going to blow you wide open right this instant. Either you show me your alkahestry, or I'm calling your bluff. I started playing around with a steak knife, "If I could see how that works? It's really exci- Ow!" Of course I made it look like I accidentally cut myself on the knife. But that was all part of the show.
"Oh, now look what happened!" Alphonse scolded with just the slightest hint of frustration in his gentle voice. He clapped his hands together and held my bleeding finger between them. A bluish, almost white light enveloped our table as some kind of reaction took place. I could feel the warmth flow from his hand, pass through my finger, and then back out into his other hand.
When the light faded out, the cut was gone. In fact, it didn't even look like there was a cut in the first place. No scarring. Just my finger, back in its pristine condition. My jaw dropped. This guy knew alkahestry. He was the real deal. More shocking, however, was the fact that he was able to perform a transmutation just by clapping his hands.
I was expecting him to quickly inscribe an alkahestric pentagram. Instead, he clapped his hands. What madness was this? Did alkahestry run on different rules? Was it possible to create a pseudo-circle just by clapping one's hands?
It wasn't the clapping that was special. I've read a lot of books recommending an alchemist wear gloves with their specialty circles stitched into them. Instant transmutations with a clap of the hands. Or tattoo them directly on their palms, even. But I saw Alphonse's hands. He wasn't wearing gloves, and there was nothing on his palms. They were clean. "How did you…"
Alphonse put a finger to his lips and silenced me. "Shhh," he winked. "It's a special talent of mine. Don't tell anyone."
"R… right." I cleared my throat. "Sorry about that." So he knew alkahestry. Maybe I could trust him. Hell… maybe if he turned out to be the real deal, maybe I could use him. I pushed my saucer in his direction, offering him a chocolate. "Here. For the trouble."
Alphonse only chuckled. "Nah, it's alright. I know kids can be pretty rash sometimes." He sounded like he spoke from experience. "So, you okay staying over with us? It could really save on your budget."
I smiled. "Well, I guess there's no harm to it." At least, if he really was this nice guy who happened to have an alkahestry teacher. If he was in fact a sexual predator who happened to know alkahestry, then I'd have to be very careful about this.
We spent the rest of that afternoon exchanging notes about alchemy. Alphonse proved to have encyclopedic knowledge of the very broad field, and despite his modesty concerning the limitations of his alkahestric knowhow, he still knew far more about it than all of the books I've read combined. Add to that his polite personality, and I was starting to think about the possibilities. If he really was what he seemed to be, and if I could cultivate a healthy enough relationship with him and his teacher, then I could learn both alchemy and alkahestry from a very talented pair of individuals. It would make my ascent to the station of State Alchemist so. Much. Easier.
Too bad, Being X! Looks like I've won this round!
~O~O~O~
ALPHONSE'S CENTRAL APARTMENT, 11 MARCH, 1917
Alphonse, ever the mild mannered gentleman, had offered to carry my luggage up the stairs after we had gotten off the cab. I of course put in some token resistance imploring him to let me carry my own things, but quickly relented as he oh-so-gently insisted that it wouldn't be appropriate, especially considering how he and his teacher were staying up on the third story.
It should be important to note that this specific type of 'cab' was not a cab in the modern sense, as it was in the older sense: a two-seated mini-carriage drawn by a horse. I'd thought this was mainly a thing in East City, but to see horse drawn vehicles composing a majority of the traffic running along the capital's streets implied a certain issue with modernization.
Or maybe, because of the previous Führer's decision to focus on military armament, the civilian and private sectors had yet to catch up. That was the simplest explanation, really.
We ascended the tight wooden stairwell, which was the first thing I saw when I opened the front door for poor Alphonse, who had his hands and arms full with our bags. It was a narrow building, perhaps enough to house two doors per story, but at least it offered some privacy. After all, each family had their own unit, and didn't have to put up with common areas, unlike the orphanage.
By the time we reached the third floor, Alphonse was still, surprisingly, in peak condition. He hadn't even broken a sweat. He was obviously in very good health. Setting a bag down, he reached into his coat pocket and gave me the key. "Here, Tanya. It turns to the right."
I nodded and took his keys, sliding the first one into the deadbolt lock and undoing it, before moving on to the knob lock. I pushed the door open, and what I saw drained the color from my face. If you're wondering why, it was because I was standing face to face with a giant panda.
I screamed.
Apparently not one to lose in a shouting match, the giant black and white furball roared.
I screamed some more.
It roared even louder.
What the hell was this!? Some kind of sick joke?
"Mei, no! Calm down!" Alphonse shouted, dropping the bags and giving the panda a hug from the said. "Tanya here's our guest!"
… May? "Alphonse…" I stopped screaming as I tried to put it all together, eyebrow rising in confusion. "You're telling me that your alkahestry teacher is a giant Xingese panda?" And what the hell is he doing keeping a giant panda in his apartment anyway? Don't they have laws against keeping exotic pets here?
"Eh?" Alphonse looked at me, confused. So did the bear.
"Actually," a voice came from behind the two of them. "I'm his alkahestry teacher!" Soon enough, a girl, possibly in her early teens, stepped to the fore. She was about a head shorter than Alphonse and wore pink Eastern-looking clothing, with her dark hair kept up in braided bunds.
Alphonse cleared his throat and immediately got to the introductions. "Tanya, this is my alkahestry teacher, May Chang, and this is our friend Xiao Mei. May and Mei, this is Tanya Degurechaff. She'll be staying with us while she reviews for the State Alchemy exam next month."
"Hmm…" May stooped down to my level and looked me up and down. "So you're planning to become a State Alchemist, eh?" I couldn't help but feel like she was eyeing me with some sort of suspicion.
"That's right," I answered with a smile before bowing. "I'll be sure to carry my weight during my stay. The last thing I want to be is a bother."
"She's also interested in learning some alkahestry while she's here," Alphonse added. "I was hoping you wouldn't mind."
"Oh. Well if she wants to learn, I don't see why not." May said, thinking it over. "Still, this is pretty unexpected, Al. How'd you two meet?"
"On the train here," Alphonse replied, scratching his head. "I mean, I saw she was reading an advanced alchemy book, so I got curious. She's a good kid, very well-mannered."
"I can see that…" May spent a few more moments looking me over, still with a bit of suspicion left over.
What's her deal, anyway? Does she think I'm here to steal her boyfriend away? Is that what they are? A couple? If so, it's funny that he would only call her his teacher all this time… Unless they were in the middle of a lover's quarrel? They don't seem to be angry at each other. If anything, May seems protectively jealous. Well maybe they want to keep it a secret? But no, they actually seem much closer than student and teacher if you just looked at them for a few seconds. Hell, they were cohabiting. So what could possibly be the reason that he didn't call her his girlfriend…?
A lump began to form in the pit of my stomach. Maybe the reason behind this was… I looked her over. She was a head shorter than Alphonse, less developed looking implying an early teen age… Could it be… that wasn't legal yet…? Which… Which meant I was right about Alphonse being pedophilic. Kill. Me. Already. What have I gotten myself into?
Alphonse smiled and May tried her best to do the same, as they escorted me into the room. This was going to be an awkward few weeks…
Damn you, Being X!
To be continued…
AN: One of the funniest things about Youjo Senki is the ton of hilarious misunderstandings. And so, I present to you, the first big one here: Pedo-Al! As usual, your comments and feedback are very much treasured.
