The Wings Of Our Dreams
AN: Well, this one came fairly quickly. I guess motivation really struck me. I hope you enjoy, my dear readers.
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Xstep: Well, wait no more!
18 The Breather
Year 850
Forty-Ninth Entry
I'll keep myself brief this time. We achieved a victory over the Titans, the gates have been resealed. However, the toll was still very high. Over two hundred people are dead and over a hundred are missing. I continuously assure myself that the sacrifices are worth it, that we won.
But still… a part of me can't help but feel sad at everything. That is still a great number of people lost. But I won't give up. I'll make sure that we do even better next time.
Collin hoisted one of the dead bodies on a cart, after which he hauled it off to join the other gathered dead for proper burial. The white cloth over his mouth and nose didn't feel all that comfortable, but it was necessary to reduce the chance of infection. Along with the gloves he now wore.
You'd think this victory would be a cause for celebration, but with all the death and destruction around you, that was currently out of the question. They owed it to their fallen comrades to at least honor them by taking their bodies and burning them in a funeral pyre. With their sacrifice, they more than earned it.
Collin moved through the streets, seeing the blood and carnage around him. He saw one of the giant red pellets that the Titans vomit out when they had their fill of humans. God, what an abhorrent sight.
Then something else caught his attention. Well, somebody else caught his attention.
Standing over one of the corpses, much to his surprise, was Annie. Her hands were dropped, and even her face mask was down. Collin approached her, eager to at least talk to her after the battle, but then he paused when she spoke with a trembling voice.
"I'm, sorry. I…"
Collin's expression fell the moment he heard that, practically feeling her sadness himself. Annie may usually present herself as cold and uncaring, but he knew better. If anything, she cared more than most.
"Annie," Collin soothingly spoke, causing her to suddenly turn in surprise. "Listen, there is nothin' to apologize for. We all did our best."
However, Annie gritted her teeth and looked away from him, her body slightly shaking. Something which caught him off guard.
"Annie?" he said before approaching closer. He'd very much like to hold her, but his gloves were definitely filthy from the bodies he helped load on the cart. "Please, don't blame yourself. You couldn't have prevented this."
"He's right."
Collin then noticed Reiner approach along with Bertholdt, who pulled their own carts. Reiner continued. "Trust me, feeling sorry for them is doing them no good. Please, let's just give them proper rest."
Annie ended up clenching her fist, while her blue eyes tremblingly watched the dead body in front of her.
"Let me," Collin said before grabbing the body, making her lightly gasp. "Ya don't need to put yourself through this. I'll help." He then put the body on the cart.
"Collin, you…" Annie said.
"S'alright," Collin said as he put the body on his cart. "Easin' your burdens should be one of my duties."
Collin then pulled the cart, with Bertholdt and Reiner following him. Annie took one last glance at them before she joined them as well.
"God, so many died today," Collin said.
"I know. It's unfair," Reiner said. "But that's an unfortunate reality of our situation."
"I… I guess we can count ourselves fortunate that at least no more of our friends died."
The moment he said that, Bertholdt and Reiner exchanged glances, with Annie turning her head to the side.
"Collin, there's…" Reiner began softly. "There's something we need to tell you."
Curious, Collin glanced back at them. "What? What happened?"
"It's Marco," Reiner said. "Marco was killed by a Titan."
Collin quickly blinked in shock. "Wha… How? When?"
Reiner shut his eyes for a moment before answering. "We… We were busy fighting the Titans. Then we saw Eren carrying that boulder. But, I suddenly heard somebody screaming. Marco, he…" His grip on the cart tightened. "He was grabbed by a Titan and eaten. We were too late to save him."
Following Annie's example, Bertholdt looked away, seemingly not having any words to express himself.
"My God," Collin said before looking away. "So... he's gone, too."
"But…" Reiner said as his eyes narrowed. "I was able to kill that Titan. It's the best revenge I could have done for what that monster did to Marco."
The rest of the trip went by in silence, the only sound being produced being the wheels turning on the stone road.
Once they reached the gathering place of the burning, they saw several people gathering corpses in a large pile, also trying to identify as many as they could before burning.
Collin pulled his cart over and began helping in piling the bodies, with Bertholdt and Reiner also doing the same with theirs.
It was night by the time they finished, and the bodies were soon lit up. Collin was able to see all their friends who survived, minus Eren as he was unfortunately taken in by the military because of the whole ability of being able to be turned into a Titan.
But everyone else was here. Collin even noticed his own squad from the start of the invasion looking at the lit pyres, with Hannah crying her eyes out.
Collin walked over to them, feeling like he owed them at least some words.
Samuel noticed him walking and gave a small smile. "Oh, hey there, Collin."
Mina also noticed him and smiled. "It's good to see you're alive."
"I'm glad to see that ya three at least made it," Collin said.
Hannah wiped some tears off her face, but that honestly didn't help much. "Why… H-how could the world be so c-cruel? I-I… I d-don't know if Franz's remains are even here."
The three then looked at them saddened. Now that everything was over, it looks like all the emotions came pouring back.
Collin then also looked at the pyre, and his mind went back to Daz, the one he let die because he was too distracted by his urge to find the cursed Armored Titan. Who in the end never appeared.
He also didn't know if Daz's remains were among them. And what's worse was that even if he found them, he probably wasn't able to identify them since Daz's head was bitten off. Again, Collin was reminded of a debt he'd never be able to repay.
But he'd at least make sure to use his chance to fight back as hard as he could. No giving up, no falling down. He'll continue to fight whatever it took.
So the next day, Collin arrived to meet with Commander Erwin as promised. The room he was in was of a pretty simple design. Some chairs, a table, and a torch to give lighting. Collin imagined if these were normal circumstances he'd be in a more furnished room, but considering they needed to keep it close to Wall Rose it would have to do.
Collin sat there for a few minutes, waiting for the Commander to arrive and he couldn't help but fiddle with his thumbs in anxiousness. It wasn't every day you get to meet the Commander of the Scouts.
The door behind him opened, and Collin noticed that Erwin has finally arrived, with several papers in his hand. Without a moment wasted, Erwin closed the door and went to take a seat across from Collin, making the teen slightly take a breath through his nose to calm himself.
"Forgive me for that slight delay," Erwin said as he put the papers on the table. "But I had requested something to be brought to me, and it was a bit late to arrive."
"It's no trouble, sir," Collin said.
"Glad to hear it," Erwin said before taking one of the papers from the lot. "Now, from what I've been informed, you were in the cannon squad that had a personal encounter with the Colossal Titan when it appeared at the gate. Is that correct, cadet Holt?"
Collin nodded. "Yes, Commander. I was right there when it appeared."
"I see," Erwin said as he folded his hands in front of his face. "Could you describe what happened?"
Now Collin felt slightly nervous with how much the Commander's blue eyes focused on him. It was like the man peering right through him, analyzing him from top to bottom.
But putting those thoughts away, Collin answered. "Well, I saw simply doin' some maintenance on the cannons, and after I was done, I took a look outside the Wall, and suddenly there was this… yellow lightnin' strike, and the Colossal appearin' outta nowhere."
Erwin's brows furrowed. "Hmm, and you say there was absolutely nothing there? The Colossal Titan seemingly just appeared?"
"Yes, Commander," Collin answered. He then proceeded to tell him further, the Colossal kicking open the gate, fighting the Colossal, how he was showered with steam, how it disappeared with no trace and the fighting he had to endure before the hole was finally sealed.
Erwin gave a nod after everything that was reported. "So tell me, you took a good look at the Colossal Titan. Could you give any detail about its appearance?"
Collin opened his mouth to answer but closed it after he got another idea. "Um, do ya have any blank paper?"
Confused but curious, Erwin took out a blank sheet of paper and gave it to Collin, who then proceeded to take out a pencil from his inner pocket and began drawing.
"I think this'll serve ya better than descriptions, Commander Smith," Collin said as he drew.
After a little bit, he gave the paper back to Erwin who began examining it. The Commander had to admit, the drawing was definitely very good, considering the detail it had. One drawing was a frontal view of the Colossal's head while the other was a more broad look, showing the torso and the arms, but the legs weren't really drawn, possibly because Collin wasn't able to take a good look at them.
Erwin's gaze then returned to Collin. "And are you positive that these drawings are accurate?"
"Yes, Commander. With my life."
"In that case, if it's not too much trouble, could you also provide us with a drawing of Eren Yeager's Titan form?" Erwin asked as he gave him the paper but turned to the other side.
"Sure, no problem," Collin said before drawing on the paper again, this time giving a full view of the Rogue Titan, which was easier since he got a good view of him several times. "Here ya go, sir."
With a nod, Erwin took the paper and examined it for a few moments before putting it down. "I thank you for your contribution," Erwin said. "Now, I have to admit, you did quite well out there in the field. That's something you wouldn't normally see a cadet pulling off."
"W-well, I… I have to thank the military training I received at the 104th," Collin said, resisting the urge to scratch his head.
"Tell me, do you recall how many Titans have you actually slain during this invasion?" Erwin asked.
Collin blinked at the question. "H-how many Titans?"
"Correct."
"Uh, well, let's see," Collin said as he scratched his cheek with his index finger. "I, uh, haven't really counted, so I'm tryin' to remember."
"That's all right. Take your time," Erwin said. "And if you could, please, separate team kills from solo kills."
So after about a minute and a half of thinking, Collin spoke.
"Well, when it comes to solo kills, I think the number is, nineteen, or twenty. Now, for the team kills, I'd wager it's… twenty-five, or twenty-six."
Whether Erwin was impressed or not by these numbers, he didn't show as his face remained stoic throughout the entire conversation.
"I see," Erwin said. "Now, I already know about you accompanying Captain Levi and Section Commander Hange nearing the end of the battle." He then took out another piece of paper. "However, I'd like for you to list all the people you directly worked with yesterday. Can you do that?"
"Uh, sure," Collin said before writing down the names of the people that helped him fight the Titans during the invasion and handing it to Erwin.
"Now, for a couple of more questions," Erwin said. "What is your relationship with Eren Yeager?"
"Relationship? Well, I think he's a very good friend and comrade."
"And does Yeager think this of you as well?"
"Uh, yeah, I think he does."
Erwin once again nodded. "Alright then. And out of curiosity, which regiment have you decided to join?"
"Uh, well, the Scouts, sir," Collin answered. "It was my goal e'er since I started trainin'?"
"And this situation hasn't deterred you from that?"
Collin shook his head with no hesitation. "No, sir. I'm still willin' to join."
"I see," Erwin said. "I'm glad to hear that. The Survey Corps will gladly welcome someone of your skills in our ranks."
Collin couldn't help but smile. "Thanks, sir. I'm very glad ya think so. When my trainin's officially complete, I assure ya I'm gonna join." 'Okay, I gotta admit this is goin' pretty well,' he thought as he felt himself relax compared to how he was at the start of this conversation. 'But boy, I swear, the dude's eyebrows are- No! Don't stare at the eyebrows, don't stare at the eyebrows! Ya don't need to make yourself look like a dunce.'
"Very well, cadet," Erwin spoke. "I thank you for your time. You're free to go."
"R-right. Glad to be of service, Commander," Collin said before rising from his seat, giving a salute and leaving the room.
A few minutes later, Erwin found himself walking through the hallway of the HQ with a calm step and the papers in hand.
He was met with the familiar face of Captain Levi, who lay against the wall with his arms crossed, and next to him was a tall man with blonde hair that had the front bangs split in the middle, with thin mustache and beard, the Section Commander Miche Zacharius.
"So, what's your impression of the brat?" Levi asked.
Erwin stopped in front of the two men who were considered humanity's strongest soldiers. "He shows much promise. I think including him would give us great benefit."
"Are you sure he's the right choice?" Miche asked, his expression serious and calm. "Why not take one of the top ten graduates? I looked at the list you wanted me to get, and Collin Holt wasn't there."
"True, but there's more to it than that," Erwin said before taking out one of the papers. "According to the reports I found, Collin Holt suffered an injury that impeded his grades but was still a good candidate for the top ten. Even still, field performance is what counts in the real world, and if the figures he gave me are valid, then his Titan slaying record could already match if not surpass some of the members of your own teams."
Miche's eyebrows furrowed for a moment before he rubbed his chin. "Well, I admit that's nothing to scoff at."
"And I did see his skills out there in the field," Levi added. "The kid's no slouch. Though, I hope you don't go babbling that to him, Erwin."
Erwin gave a slight grin. "Wouldn't dream of it," he said before turning to the Section Commander and handing him one of the papers. "Miche, I need your help in gathering the people listed here. I have some questions for them as well."
"Right," Miche said as he took the list. "Well, I should get on that."
Soon, Miche left and the Commander and the Captain were now alone.
"You know," Levi began, his stoic expression still unchanging. "I get that you want that Yeager kid in the Scouts, but this feels like you're trying to get him a puppy so he can calm down."
"You have a strange way of putting things, Levi," Erwin said with some amusement in his voice.
"I say it how I see it," Levi said before looking to the side. "Hopefully we'll actually be able to get Yeager."
"Me as well," Erwin said before looking at the paper that had the Titan drawings. "Now, I think I'll show Hange something I'm sure she'll find interesting."
Collin seated himself on a bench outside of the mess hall and rubbed his face.
"Dammit," he said before letting out a sigh. "I still can't believe everythin' that happened yesterday."
"Trust me, I still find it hard myself." Collin recognized Reiner's voice and saw his friend take a seat next to him. "What's the matter? Couldn't sleep?"
"Not really. I think I slept for maybe an hour, but after that, I couldn't catch a wink," Collin answered.
"Still feel guilty about what happened?"
"A bit, yeah? But I'm sure it ain't just it. I guess it's just the excitement of it all, ya know."
"Yeah, I get you," Reiner said. "Honestly, I couldn't get much sleep either. Not sure if anyone else did. The simple shock of everything would make even the toughest man pause. Much less some people who haven't even properly graduated yet."
"God, I can't believe how fast it all went. It's just so, I dunno… surreal."
"Hey, we'll get over it, eventually. We have to."
Collin smiled at Reiner. "'Cause we're soldiers, and it's our duty."
Reiner smiled back. "Yeah, more or less. Though, not going insane is also a good reason."
"Can't argue with that," Collin said before chuckling, with Reiner joining him soon after.
"Oh, by the way," Reiner began. "How was your meeting with Scout Commander this morning?"
"Ah, that," Collin said as he scratched his right cheek. "It went well, actually. I don't think I made a fool outta myself at least."
"Good. I mean the worst you can do is whack him in the face."
Collin rolled his eyes. "Very funny. Though I'm surprised ya ain't still miffed 'bout that."
"I mean, it ended up well in the end," Reiner said with a shrug. "Besides, after what we've been through yesterday, I think it's fine if we joke about it. I can hardly be angry after that."
"Good," Collin said. "'Cause I also won't get mad about ya ditchin' me back then in the mess hall."
"Oh, come on. That was something you had to handle yourself. I mean, you practically caused it."
"And here I thought buddies got each other's backs. They don't scram when there's a sign of trouble."
"Come on, Collin. What did you just say about not being angry about it?"
"Well, now that I brought it up, I remembered I haven't confronted ya about-"
"Collin Holt!" The two of them stopped when they were met by a member of the Scout Regiment who stood across them. "Your presence has been requested by Section Commander Hange. Please, come with us immediately."
"Uh, right," Collin said before rising up. "See ya later, Reiner."
"Yeah, see you," Reiner said as Collin followed the Scout.
It didn't take long for Collin to come back to the HQ, though this was in a more open area with a good amount of sunlight. Once there, he saw the woman that called for him, Hange he remembered she was called, who now wore glasses instead of the goggles.
And next to her was a man with short smoothed brown hair and eyes, and there was also Captain Levi leaning on one of the walls.
"Hey, Hange. The brat's here," Levi said, making Hange quickly turn to Collin's direction with a happy smile on her face.
"Why, hello there! So glad you came!" Hange exclaimed with her arms open. She then walked over to him and extended her hand. "I don't think we've been officially introduced. My name is Zoe Hange, a Section Commander of Scouts and the head of the Titan Research Department."
Collin took her hand for a handshake. "The name's Collin Holt. A cadet of the 104th Cadet Corps. Honor to meet ya, Section Commander."
"Oh, no need to be so formal. Just call me Hange, or even Zoe if you prefer," Hange said, her smile never leaving. "Oh, I almost forgot. This man here is my assistant, Moblit Berner."
Moblit let out a small smile before also shaking Collin's hand. "Nice to meet you, cadet Holt."
"Same here," Collin said before something that Hange said sprang into his mind. "Wait, you said 'Titan Research Department'?"
"Oh, indeed," Hange said. "I form my own special type of research on captured Titans. In fact, I was hoping we could catch some during the clean-up of Trost. Oh, just the thought of it makes me feel excited."
"You… ya capture Titans?"
"Of course! I mean, what better way to study Titans than to capture live specimens that won't evaporate!" Hange explained.
"And being a real pain in the ass while she's at it," Levi said with an annoyed tone, though his expression didn't change much.
Hange turned to Levi with a huff. "Oh quiet, you!" she said before turning back to Collin. "Anyway, that is partly the reason why I called you here." She reached into her pocket and took out a paper, making Collin's slightly widen as he immediately recognized it as the same paper he drew the Colossal and Rogue Titans for Erwin. "First off, I have to compliment your drawing skills. I haven't seen anyone draw that good since Moblit."
Collin then curiously looked at the said man. "Ya draw as well?"
"It's… one of my talents. And one of the reasons why I got this position."
"Now, second off," Hange continued as she looked at the drawings with a shine in her glasses. "While I'm sure that people would be able to immediately recognize the Colossal Titan just based on the size, getting more details could also uncover how they possibly work." She turned the paper to the Rogue Titan drawing. "And then there's this. None of us were really able to take a look at Eren Yeagers Titan, but this gives us a clear image of it. I have to say, the jaw shape looks very unique.
"Tell me, you saw Eren transformed on different occasions. Have there been any differences in his appearance between transformations?"
"Oh, uh… No, I didn't see any," Collin said as he scratched the back of his head. "Pretty sure it was the same."
"Ah, I see," Hange said. "That's interesting. Have there been any oddities with Eren himself?"
"With Eren? Well, I think there was one thing," Collin said which made Hange look at him curiously. "Ya see, his left arm was bitten off by a Titan, and when he came back from the Titan t'was whole again." He then smiled at the memory. "I honestly ended up carryin' the severed arm around like an idiot so I had somethin' to bury-"
"Wait, wait, wait!"
Collin blinked at Hange's interruption. "Uh, what is it?"
"You… were able to acquire his severed arm? And you didn't attach it to him?" Hange curiously asked.
"Um, no. Eren actually grew a new arm," Collin answered.
The shine in the woman's glasses got brighter as an excited and very unnerving grin ended up forming on her face. "That's… That's simply incredible!"
Hange out of nowhere practically got in Collin's face, her face almost drooling. "A whole detached arm?! That's amazing! Do you have any ideas of all the findings we could extract from that?!"
"Huh?" Collin blinked as he moved his face a bit away from the Section Commander's.
"Tell me, please," Hange said as she unfortunately for Collin came even closer than before. "Where did you stash it? I need to know."
'This woman's… definitely somethin' else,' Collin thought as he found himself struggling to form words with how his superior was acting. And he considered himself lucky that he was taller than her so she couldn't get any closer. "Well, ya see, I… I threw it away."
All the excitement drained from Hange's face and her expression dropped completely. Her mouth trembled as her arms shook. Hange then let out a very audible "HUH?!"
Her hands then quickly latched onto Collin's jacket. "What the hell do you mean you threw it away?!" she demanded as she gained a crazed look in her eyes.
Collin was absolutely stunned as the woman pulled on his jacket, and very strongly at that considering she was able to pull him down.
"W-well, my friend was back, and since I didn't have to bury anythin', I threw it away since it was nothin' but a rottin' carcass," Collin explained, hoping the section commander would understand.
However, no such luck.
"Are you kidding me?!" Hange practically screamed in his face as her grip got tighter. Boy did her breath smell. "Do you have any idea what you've done?! This could have been a new treasure trove of information, a great opportunity to study and broaden our horizons! And you threw it away like it was nothing more than a piece of GARBAGE?!"
From the sidelines, Levi let out a scoff. "Bloody four-eyes."
Moblit tried to defuse the situation. "S-Section Commander, please-"
"YOU IDIOT!" she just continued her tantrum while Collin let out several nervous beads of sweat. "Do you have any idea what secrets we might have lost and will never be able to recover?! Don't you have any imagination at all?! How could you?! Such a fine specimen to only for you to-!"
"HANGE!" Moblit shouted before grabbing her from behind and trying to pry her off. "Stop this! This cadet didn't know any better!" He managed, barely, to pull the crazed woman off of the teen. "We have more important things to worry about, so please, calm down!"
Hange's head then sharply turned in Moblit's direction. "Come on, you have to understand! We could have finally achieved a breakthrough! And now we…!"
'The hell 'ave I gotten myself into?' Collin thought as he stared utterly flabbergasted at what he was seeing.
AN: And that is it for now, my dear readers! This was more or less a break chapter from all the action that was in the previous one. I hope you enjoyed.
Also, I implore you to check out my other stories. Trust me, they are worth it. And leave a review, they are great motivators.
See ya next time!
