There was something no one really knew about Richie.
He wasn't nearly as brave and untouchable as he liked to think he was. He was actually a massive scaredy cat who would sooner shit himself than be at the forefront of danger. Oh sure, he could crack some crude jokes onstage in front of a massive crowd as immature as him, but that was a different kind of scary. Not quite of the heebie jeebie variety.
No, what really turned his stomach was when the spotlight was no longer on him, the laughs died down, and he stopped distracting himself with ribbing jabs at his closest victims-er, friends.
When he was alone with only his bleak thoughts for company.
He had a tendency to mull over things that upset him, which was why he put such a painstaking effort into avoiding just that. He'd watch and study stand-up specials. Browse episodes of South Park. Desperately call a friend—a female friend- and ask her to spend time with him. Especially when thoughts of him arose, the cruelest joke from the darkest recesses of his heart.
Because nothing upset him more than thoughts of Eddie.
Just thinking of his gawky, neurotic friend would torture Richie into a crying spell sometimes. He couldn't stand that he missed him yet couldn't bring himself to even consider contacting him either. As a teen he'd been close to all of his friends, yet he'd been especially drawn to Eddie for reasons that couldn't be explained. And he really tried to explain it to himself. That there was just something about the kid that was hauntingly magnetic. Like a flaming penguin in the middle of your driveway. He was so easy to tease and prod at, like an experiment of Richie's own making. He secretly loved seeing Eddie frown and grow irritable because of him. He still sometimes would catch himself smiling fondly just thinking about how his friend would warn him not to so much as step outside of his house without the 'necessary' preparation. He always acted like the sky was falling and Richie thought it was cute as hell even back then, though he'd never have admitted it. He couldn't risk looking that uncool, as childish as it was.
He figured Eddie had grown into an awkward-looking man. It would be fitting anyway. Probably never thought about Richie, though. And he certainly didn't have feelings for him. At least not the 'I want to ram my dick into your backside' kind, as devastating as that was to admit to himself. And, to be honest, it did cut pretty damn deep. So deep it almost made him want to find Eddie for the sake of confirming to himself that it wasn't true...but not to ram his dick into him. I mean, they'd talk first.
Unfortunately, there was still one big problem. Richie still didn't know how to express this side of him to anyone in a way that could be taken seriously. He couldn't take it seriously anyway. He felt like had no idea how to tell anyone that this was who he was. The most disturbing thing was how he didn't know why it was so hard for him to come out.
Or what Eddie would think if he finally grew a pair and did.
