Jermaine Deon Carter
June 16, 2021
Trapped in Toon Land
Early one Saturday morning, I did yardwork right outside my house. Before I could make it back inside for a quick drink of water, a portal appeared and sucked me in.
As I was dragged along, a giant version of the Looney Tunes logo showed up in front of me. As I got closer, "Merrily We Roll Along" played. The logo distorted as I was sucked through it.
I found myself in the sky looking over a forest. I fell until I hit the ground with a loud THUD! When I came to, Bugs Bunny stood before me.
"Eh…what's up, doc?" he asked as he munched on a carrot.
"Bugs Bunny?" I asked.
"Were you expecting maybe the Easter Bunny?" he asked. My eyes lit up.
"Bugs! My name's Jermaine. I'm a big fan! I love your cartoons!" I said as I shook his hand.
"Oh, gosh. I'm so unimportant," he said.
"Always the modest one," I said. "So, where am I?" I asked.
"This is Toon Land," he said.
"Toon Land?" I asked.
"Toon Land, Toon World, whatever you wanna call it. This is where the Looney Tunes and other cartoon characters live," he said.
I gasped. I gave him a bear hug. He accidentally dropped his carrot.
"Choking, not breathing," I said.
"Sorry. I've just always wanted to come here!" I said.
I let him go and put him back down. He picked his carrot up. I gasped as I had a light bulb moment, complete with an actual light bulb over my head.
"Can I meet Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner?!" I asked.
"Yep," he said.
"And Sylvester and Tweety?" I asked.
"You betcha," he said.
"This is gonna be the best day of my life!" I said.
He pulled at part of the landscape like a page in a book. He lifted it up. Suddenly, we were in a desert.
Road Runner was running on the road. Wile E. Coyote was in hot pursuit. Not wanting me to walk out into the middle of the road, Bugs put on a police officer costume.
He ran up to the side of the road. He whistled for them to stop. They did. I walked up to them with stars in my eyes.
"You're Wile E. Coyote," I said as I pointed to him. He nodded. "And you're Road Runner," I said while pointing to the bird.
"Beep beep!" Road Runner said.
"Bring it in, you guys!" I said. I bear hugged them. They looked at each other with raised eyebrows.
"He's a hugger," Bugs said.
"Wile E., I love how you never give up! Road Runner, I wish I could run half as fast as you. I love the work you two do! I'm a huge fan!" I said. The two smiled. I placed them back on the ground.
"Beep beep!" Road Runner said before zooming off.
Wile E. took off after Road Runner. The coyote pulled out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it at Road Runner. The dynamite bounced off a nearby cactus and back towards Wile E. It blew up in his face, leaving it ashen.
"Ha! That never gets old!" I said with a big grin.
"It's a formula, but it works," Bugs said.
As before, he tugged at the ground and pulled it back. Now, we were in front of a small house. There were flower pots on the porch.
"Who lives here?" I asked.
"Go knock on the door and find out," he said. I walked up the steps and knocked on the door. Granny came out.
"Granny! I didn't know you lived here! I'm a big fan!" I said. She chuckled.
"It's always nice to meet a fan," she said.
"You're the best mystery solver in the whole world!" I said.
"Well, I don't know about that. I just do what I can," she said.
"Is it okay if I come inside?" I asked.
"Of course, sweetie! I'll put on some tea. Tell Bugs he can come in too if he likes," she said.
"You coming, Bugs?" I asked.
"Oh, you know I will," he said.
He followed us inside before closing the door. She brewed green tea for us. She also baked cookies.
"Thanks, doc," he said. As we enjoyed our refreshments, Sylvester chased Tweety around the house.
"Sylvester and Tweety! I love you guys! I've been a fan my whole life!" I said with a big smile. They paused their chase.
"Sufferin' succotash!" Sylvester said. "I have a fan?" he asked.
"Looks like it, puddy tat," Tweety said. Sylvester got a little teary eyed and hugged me.
"Aww…," she and I said in unison. Tweety flew out of the room and came back with a white rose in his beak.
"Is that for me?" I asked. Tweety nodded. "Thank you, Tweety! You and Sylvester are so sweet," I said. I took the rose. I petted their heads.
"Say Jermaine, would you like to meet some of our students at Acme Looniversity?" Bugs asked.
"You mean the Acme Looniversity?! Where all the Tiny Toons go to school?!" I asked.
"The very same," he said.
"That'd be a dream come true!" I said.
"Then let's go, doc," he said.
"Thanks for everything, Granny," I said as I hugged her.
"Come back any time, honey!" she said.
We left her house. Once again, he changed the scene. We were in front of Acme Looniversity.
"I have to go inside and take care of some stuff. You can stay out here and greet the students as they come in," he said before going inside. Babs Bunny and Buster Bunny walked up to me.
"Oh, hi! You're new here. I'm Babs Bunny," she said.
"And I'm Buster Bunny," he said.
"No relation," they said in unison.
"I know who you are. You're the stars of Tiny Toons! You're famous!" I said.
"Oh, well, what can I say?" he said.
"I take it you're a fan?" she asked.
"I love your show! You helped make my childhood awesome!" I said as I pulled them in for a big hug.
"Aww…," she said.
"Are we to assume Animaniacs also made your childhood awesome?" he asked.
"Yes," I said.
"Would you like to meet the Warner siblings in person?" she asked.
"Yes! Yes!" I said.
After they got out of school, we took a bus to Warner Bros. Studios. We were let off near one of the parking lots. The water tower loomed large nearby.
Yakko, Wakko, and Dot burst through the tower's door. They jumped down onto the lot. I couldn't believe my eyes.
"It…It's the Warner Brothers," I said.
"And the Warner Sister!" Dot said. I walked up to her and her brothers.
"Yakko, Wakko, Dot, I just wanna say I've always been a superfan," I said.
"Faboo!" Wakko said.
"Aren't you sweet?" Dot asked as she pinched my cheek.
"Your shows always make me laugh, and the music is top-notch!" I said.
"It's a gift," Yakko said.
"You're just so awesome!" I said.
I tried to give the Warners a hug. Yakko pulled out a large, wooden mallet. He whacked me over the head with it.
"You guys are great," I said in a bit of a daze.
"We think you're great, too," Yakko said. He and his siblings jumped into my arms. They gave me big smooches. "If you think we're great, you'll love Pinky and the Brain," Yakko said.
"Pinky and the Brain? You mean I get to meet Pinky and the Brain?!" I asked.
"Uh-huh," Yakko said.
"Say it again," I said as I put my hands on his shoulders.
"You can meet Pinky and the Brain," Yakko said. I began feeling lightheaded. I walked away for a bit.
"Put your head between your knees," Babs said. I passed out.
"Oh, no!" Buster said.
"Wake up! Wake up!" Babs said as she repeatedly slapped my face.
I didn't come to until around sunset. Everybody helped me to my feet and made sure I was okay. Afterwards, they walked me to Acme Labs.
We arrived just as night fell. I thanked them and said goodbye. I walked inside.
"Gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight?" Pinky asked.
"The same thing we do every night, Pinky- try to take over the world!" Brain said. I made my way through the hallway and into their room.
"Who are you?" Brain asked.
"My name's Jermaine. I'm a really big fan of you guys," I said.
"A fan?" Brain asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"We have another fan, Brain! Narf!" Pinky said.
"Oh, goodie," Brain said.
"Brain, I enjoy watching you come up with plans to take over the world. You're so determined! The world would be a far better place with you in charge," I said. Brain smiled a little.
"That's what I keep saying, but no one ever seems to get the message. I only have the world's best interests in heart," Brain said.
"If you're open to suggestions, I think I have a plan that might work," I said.
"Yes!" Brain said.
"Whee! This is gonna be so much fun!" Pinky said.
I pulled out a piece of paper. I drew a ray gun equipped with satellite dishes. I placed it on the wall. I grabbed a brown baton or yardstick to use for my presentation.
"Well, what is it?" Brain asked.
"It's a shrink ray! My plan to help you take over the world is simple. We build a giant shrink ray and use it to shrink bullies," I said with a big smile.
"Egad, brilliant!" Pinky said.
"Shrinking bullies?" Brain asked.
"Yes, that's right," I said.
"How is shrinking a few people here and there going to help me achieve global conquest?" Brain asked.
"And how will we even get anybody to stand under the ray long enough to be shrunk?" Pinky asked.
"Oh…I hadn't thought of that. I guess it was a pretty stupid idea," I said with a frown.
I tore down my drawing. I threw it away. I walked to the exit.
"Sorry for being a bother," I said.
"Wait, Jermaine. We don't think you're being a bother. I actually think you had the right kind of idea. It's just the execution that was off," Brain said.
"Really?" I asked.
"Yes. Instead of building a shrink ray to shrink bullies, we'll build a giant hypno ray to hypnotize the masses into making me their leader!" Brain said.
"I love it! Zort!" Pinky said.
"Yes!" Brain said.
"Let's get to work!" I said.
For the next few hours, we built a humongous hypno ray. We attached several satellites to it to increase its power. We added a small stand with a microphone so Brain could properly broadcast his message.
We affixed the ray to the top of Acme Labs. A thunderstorm brewed. Pinky and I tried to warn Brain the ray could get struck by lightning and destroyed. Brain assured us the ray would only grow more powerful if hit by lightning. Pinky and I flipped a couple switches.
"You're on!" me and Pinky told Brain. Brain got up on the microphone stand and cleared his throat.
"I am the Brain. You will do whatever I say. I command you to make me your leader," Brain spoke into the microphone.
Glowing, light blue waves of energy were emitted from the ray. They spread across the city. When the energy waves hit people, their eyes also glowed light blue.
"We will do whatever you say…we will make you our leader…," people said. They left their homes in droves and approached Acme Labs en masse.
"Yes! I am on the verge of triumph!" Brain said.
It started raining. Thunder boomed and lightning flashed. The wind picked up. A bolt of lightning struck the ray.
It began sending out stronger hypnotic waves as Brain predicted. Even more people showed up. When it was struck by lightning again, it overloaded and exploded. The blast sent Brain, Pinky, and I to the ground. The hypnosis wore off. All the people returned to their homes.
"No! Come back!" Brain said.
"Sorry things didn't work out, Brain," I said.
"That's alright," Brain said.
"That was a lot of fun, Brain! Let's do it again!" Pinky said.
"No, Pinky. We must return to the lab and prepare for tomorrow night," Brain said.
"Why? What are we gonna do tomorrow night, Brain?" Pinky asked.
"The same thing we do every night, Pinky- try to take over the world! Jermaine, it was nice meeting you," Brain said.
"It was nice meeting you and Pinky, too! I'm happy I got to help out with one of your plans!" I said with a smile. I shook their hands. I picked them up for a hug and put them back down.
After they went back inside, another portal appeared and pulled me into it. I was dropped back home. I couldn't tell if any time had passed since it was early morning once again.
I didn't give it another thought and returned to my yardwork. I wanted to tell someone about my visit to Toon Land, but I knew they wouldn't believe me. I reminisced about it in my head as I worked.
