"Mother! What are you doing here? I wasn't expecting you," Anna said, brushing anxiously at her skirts to straighten them as she crossed the sitting room to join Queen Iduna. Her mother lifted an eyebrow at her daughter's less than enthusiastic welcome.
"Do I need an invitation to visit my only daughter?" she asked, sounding a bit bemused.
She opened her arms for their usual hug and Anna returned it, hoping all the while that her mother couldn't feel how her pulse was racing a million beats per minute in her chest. The Queen pecked a quick kiss onto her scorching hot cheek and pulled back, giving her a quizzical look.
"I came to see how you were feeling this afternoon, sweetheart. You didn't come to dinner last night and the note the servant gave us said you were under the weather. I knew you looked like you were coming down with something the other night," she said, sounding worried now. "Are you still feeling poorly? You look like you're burning up," she added, studying her daughter's flushed face. Before Anna could pull away, she was pressing the back of her hand to her forehead and clucking at her in the concerned way only mothers can manage.
"You feel all warm and sweaty, dear… Are you coming down with a fever, perhaps? Dr. Coombs is here in the castle today. We should have him check on you, Anna. I'll ring for a servant and—"
"No!" Anna exclaimed, interrupting her.
Gosh, she hoped Elsa wasn't listening from the study. It was already bad enough that her mother, of all people, had come crashing in on them like this while they were wrapped in each other's arms. She was already so embarrassed she wanted to fling herself out the nearest window. She pulled her mother's hand down from her head and gently pushed her away, striving to sound calm and firm.
"No, mother, I'm fine, I promise. You don't need to send for the doctor. It's nothing."
"But, my dear, are you certain? I'm sure he won't mind, and he can probably give you one of his tonics to help you get some good, restful sleep at least."
"Thank you, really, but it isn't necessary to bother Dr. Coombs," she said, shaking her head emphatically. "I didn't mean to scare you by not coming down to dinner last night. I'd had a long day, my stomach was a bit upset, and I just wasn't feeling up for company and all that rich food. I'm sorry."
"Well, if you are sure," the queen said, still looking at her daughter skeptically. "What were you doing earlier that has you so out of sorts, Anna? Your face is as red as a tomato."
"What?! Mother! You did not just call me a tomato-face!" Anna sputtered, mortified.
Her thoughts raced for a plausible explanation that would get her out of this line of conversation. Why did her mother have to be so damn perceptive? She wanted to scream. She had always been terrible at lying to her parents, but of course, she couldn't very well tell her mother the truth.
Oh, it's not a big deal, mother. It's only that Elsa kissed me all of the sudden just a moment ago, and I kissed her back. It was my very first kiss, and it was more incredible and exhilarating than I ever imagined a kiss could be. I think I'm falling in love with her, and she's right over there listening to this whole conversation, and if I turn around and see her looking at me right now after we just kissed each other on her bed, I think I might pass out!
Queen Iduna smiled apologetically at her daughter's obvious distress.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. You look lovely as always, Anna," she said, patting her on the cheek.
"Gosh, thanks," Anna muttered, hoping that maybe her mother would drop it now that she thought she had hurt her daughter's feelings. "Can we talk about something else, mother? I swear I'm not sick and I don't have a fever. Everything is completely fine, and normal, and fine."
"Well, if everything is fine, as you insist," her mother said, smiling with amusement, "then I expect to see you at dinner this evening."
"Ugh, is that why you really came by?" she asked, her shoulder's slumping. "I only missed one dinner this week. It's not like I skip out on them all the time, you know."
"Yes, I know, but your father has invited a few guests to join us this evening, and he wanted to be sure you were there. I told him I would check on you and make sure you were up for it."
Anna chewed her lip. She didn't want to go to dinner. She didn't even want to be talking to her mother right now. All she wanted to do was lock the doors to her apartments and spend the rest of the evening in Elsa's arms. Her slave's delicious kiss still felt branded on her lips, on her soul, even. It was amazing how just a few moments could completely change everything. The princess didn't know what to think about what had just happened between them in the study, but she desperately wanted to be alone with Elsa so that they could talk about it… and maybe do it some more. Like, a lot more. Full minutes, or even hours, of kissing Elsa sounded like just about the perfect plan for the evening. By comparison, a stuffy old dinner with a bunch of stuffy old people would be torture to endure right now.
Why did she kiss me like that? Was it just a game to her, claiming her "favor" like that after winning our bet? What did it mean?
She couldn't help it. She glanced over her shoulder towards the study, hoping to see a hint of the other girl, but there was no one standing in the open doorway. Elsa must have decided to stay out of sight while she and her mother talked. Not that Anna blamed her. It was probably intimidating to meet the Queen of Arendelle under normal circumstances, and after what they had just been doing, these were decidedly not normal circumstances.
Anna turned back to her mother, sighing.
"I'll be at dinner, I promise," she said, trying not to sound as disappointed about it as she was feeling. She would eat quickly and leave as soon as the deserts were served. Nothing was going to keep her from spending every minute she could with Elsa tonight.
"Good, I will let him know. I am glad you are feeling better, Anna," her mother said, giving her another quick hug. "Now, I was hoping to meet your new slave. I feel like the whole castle has met her, except for me. Is she here?"
"Oh! Oh, well yes. She's here. She was just giving me my first lesson in the northern tongue," Anna said, swallowing nervously.
Then, her own words triggered the very recent memory of Elsa's tongue teasing into her mouth, tasting her, tangling sensuously with her own tongue, the sensations resurfacing so vividly in her mind that she felt like she was reliving the moment all over again, and Anna cursed herself for using that particular turn of phrase. She stammered out a hasty and completely unnecessary clarification before she could stop herself, the words coming out in a choked rush.
"I mean, a language lesson! Norstla, you know… Practicing… my Norstla."
"That's wonderful, dear," her mother said, smiling patiently. "It's good to see you taking a new interest in learning Norstla. If your grandparents were still alive, they would have been so happy to hear you speaking our native language, though they would probably scold me for not keeping up with it more myself."
"Well, maybe we can practice it together soon. I used to love hearing all those stories and lullabies grandma taught you as a kid. I think I can even remember some of them," Anna told her, genuinely hopeful that this might become something they shared again.
Her mother had used to speak Norstla more frequently when she was a little girl. Slowly over the years, however, the queen had stopped entirely. She was never sure if it was because of the increasing tensions of the war with Northuldra, or just because her mother herself had lost her fluency and comfort with the language over time. She supposed, since her mother's parents had died before Anna was even born, there was no one in the castle whom Iduna could regularly talk to.
Queen Iduna gave her a sad smile.
"I would love that. Now, are you going to let me meet this mysterious girl I keep hearing so much about, or are you keeping her hidden away?"
"Yes, of course. Just… wait right here a moment. I'll go get her," Anna told her, then turned and hastily walked back to the study.
She peered in.
For some reason she wasn't sure of, she had half expected Elsa to have vanished, as though she had been some kind of unusually vivid dream Anna was having. Maybe it was just because she was still struggling to believe that their kiss had really happened. Even though she knew logically that there was nowhere else she could be, it was still a surprise to see her sitting there at the desk, everything in the room exactly as it had been before, even down to the rumpled blankets on the cot where they had kissed.
Despite herself, Anna felt her breath catch. Just looking at Elsa now was a shock to her system. It made her heart start to pump faster again. Her slave was sitting extremely straight in her chair, the fingers of her right hand restlessly tapping at the surface of the desk, her brows furrowed as she stared out the window. At Anna's appearance in the doorway, she stilled her hand's movements and somehow sat even more upright, turning to face her. She looked back at the princess with wide eyes for a moment, each of them just staring at each other in complete silence. Elsa had to have heard every word of the conversation beyond, but she still said nothing, just stared at Anna with an almost pained expression. Then, with what looked like some effort on her part, her posture relaxed and she gave Anna a small, neutral smile.
"My mother is here. She wants to meet you," Anna finally said, speaking so softly that the words were just above a whisper.
Their eyes were locked onto each other. Was it only Anna's hopeful imagination, or was there a new intimacy to the way their eyes held each other now? Or had they always looked at each other this way?
"Yes, I heard," Elsa said, her tone even, her words equally low so as hopefully not to be overheard by the monarch waiting just a dozen paces away. She stood, tucking a few stray wisps of blond hair behind her ears and smoothing her hands over her skirt. She looked down at herself critically, which finally broke their held gaze.
"I suppose this outfit will have to do for meeting the Queen of Arendelle. Lead the way, Princess."
Anna took several steps closer, not able to stop herself. She reached down for Elsa's hand, holding it in her own for a moment before giving it a tight squeeze, causing the other girl to look back into her eyes again. Gosh, but her eyes were so blue, like the endless depths of an ocean. Anna wanted to get lost in them again. Her heart gave a painful thump in her chest. Her arms ached to wrap her in a tight embrace, to tangle them together as closely as they had been just minutes before. She couldn't do that, however. Her mother was just in the other room, waiting for her daughter to introduce her new slave to her.
"Be respectful, but otherwise just be yourself," she whispered, settling for just gently squeezing her hand as she delivered this hasty piece of advice.
"Are you suggesting that I'm normally disrespectful?" Elsa whispered back, a hint of teasing in her voice.
Despite the strained situation and her own anxiety, Anna found herself relaxing at that. If Elsa was able to make a joke at a time like this, then surely everything was going to be fine, right? She grinned at her fondly.
"You know what you are," she said.
You're stubborn, clever, endlessly interesting, and proud. You are intimidating and distant, and yet you can be so surprisingly warm and tender with me. You're the most incredible person I have ever met. You're someone I could fall in love with, Elsa…
Reluctantly, she let go of the other girl's hand and turned back to the door, immediately missing the reassurance of her fingers gripping hers.
When had holding Elsa's hand become something so perfectly right? Something as natural and easy as breathing? It almost felt wrong to stand next to her and not hold her hand.
Oh god, I'm already in so deep… Anna! Anna, you idiot! You have only known her a few days. You kissed once! What are you going to do about this?
For now, she supposed, she would just introduce the girl she was falling for to her mother and try to act like a life-changing kiss had not just occurred between them. Easy peasy. Nothing to worry about.
Yeah, right…
"Mother, this is Elsa. Elsa, this is my mother, Her Majesty Queen Iduna of Arendelle," Anna managed, once the two of them had emerged into the sitting room.
Queen Iduna was looking at Elsa with such obvious interest that Anna immediately felt uneasy again. She watched as her slave made a deep, long curtsey, and was relieved by the fact that it was perfectly appropriate and proper in every way.
"Rise, dear girl, please. There's no need for such formality here in private," her mother said, smiling earnestly.
"Your Majesty," was all Elsa said in reply, standing straight once more with her hands clasped demurely in front of her. She was keeping her head and eyes down, just as they had practiced the other day, and Anna saw her mother frown slightly at the submissive posture.
"Anna tells me you have been helping her with her Norstla," Queen Iduna said, clearly hoping to set Elsa at ease.
"Yes, Your Majesty. It's only our first session, but your daughter is a fast learner," Elsa informed her.
Then, to Anna's surprise, her slave continued speaking in Norstla. Her mother looked equally surprised, but then smiled in obvious pleasure before responding in the same language. Her words sounded a bit hesitant at first, but after a few moments, she appeared to relax and speak with far more ease. It was clear that she was out of practice, but the two women were still able to hold a brief, animated conversation that Anna only understood in parts. It sounded like mostly polite, meaningless talk. The kinds of things expected between two people meeting for the first time. She heard her own name mentioned a few times, and she thought Elsa made a few kind remarks about the beauty of the castle and its grounds. The princess felt herself relax fully as a few minutes passed thus, with her mother and her new friend speaking politely to each other about perfectly appropriate topics.
At least, she was pretty sure Elsa didn't tell her mother that they had just kissed. On second thought, Anna should really ask her what the word for "kissing" was in Norstla.
That could be a really fun conversation, she daydreamed, grinning at the thought.
"Your Majesty is too hard on yourself," Elsa said, switching back from Norstla so Anna could now understand, and the princess pulled herself out of her pleasant fantasies of future lessons in the northern tongue with her slave.
"I can tell it was your first language. Your accent is still perfect, even if you are a bit out of practice."
Queen Iduna was smiling widely, an animation and joy in her that Anna hadn't seen in quite a long while.
"Thank you, Elsa. That is very kind of you to say. It's been so long since I've been able to talk like this with someone from Northuldra. It has really been a pleasure, and your Norstla dialect is so very much like my parents, it really reminds me of them. It's almost like I can hear their voices speaking to me when you talk," her mother said, smiling wistfully. "I'm so glad you are settling in here. I know Anna is thrilled to have you, and now I think I can understand why. I truly hope you can be happy here."
"Princess Anna has been very kind to me," was all her slave said to this speech. There was nothing inappropriate about it at all, but something about the words made Anna want to hide her face in her hands.
"It's nice to hear you speaking Norstla again," she told her mother, forcing herself not to look at Elsa so she wouldn't start blushing again.
"Yes, well," Queen Iduna said, looking a bit embarrassed. "We will speak again, I hope. Welcome to Castle Arendelle, Elsa. Now, I think I will leave you girls to the rest of your afternoon. Anna, I will see you at dinner. Please don't be late or your father will have an ulcer."
Elsa curtsied again and Anna gave her mother a quick hug before bidding her goodbye and showing her out the door. The moment she could no longer hear her footsteps in the hall she slid the lock closed, determined not to be interrupted by unexpected visitors again today, then she turned to face the other girl. The room felt so quiet again with her mother gone that Anna felt her courage beginning to fail her and her earlier nerves returning.
"So…" she started, hesitantly meeting Elsa's eyes.
The other girl was clear across the room now, standing with her back to the unlit fireplace, and it felt like a league's worth of distance had sprung up between them, instead of just the short length of a room.
"Your mother seems nice," Elsa said, abruptly.
"She is," the princess agreed, brow furrowing.
Were they really going to talk about her mother right now?
"I'm curious. Where was your mother from exactly in Northuldra, do you know?"
Anna was starting to get annoyed now. It seemed they were going to talk about her mother.
"I don't really know," she said, not bothering to hide her lack of interest in this topic. "From what I remember, they lived in a country house in some small village somewhere before they packed up and moved here when she was a little girl."
"Hmm," she said, looking thoughtful.
"Why?" Anna asked, a little petulantly. If Elsa was going to pretend like nothing unusual was going on between them and insist on asking her questions about her mom, the least she could do was tell her why she was asking!
"It's nothing," Elsa said, dismissive. "Look, Anna, I should really get back to work on—"
"If it's nothing, then why did you ask?" she interrupted, not liking this at all.
Really, this was getting just silly. Why was Elsa acting like this? It was like the other girl had suddenly thrown up a solid wall of ice between them. Anna started towards her, and the moment she moved in her direction, the other girl took several steps to the side, angling as though to dart back into the study.
"Like I said, I was just curious," her slave said, her bored tone somehow growing even more distant.
"Where are you going?"
Anna took another couple steps, determined to follow her into the study and corner her there if that was what it took. There was a knot growing in her stomach, twisting and turning uneasily.
"As I was trying to say," Elsa said, sounding exasperated, "I should get back to work, Anna. There are still a ton of documents that I need to finish going through today."
"What? Elsa, I don't… Are we not going to talk about what… happened?" she asked.
Her voice had quavered a little on the last word, betraying how tumultuous her emotions were and how upset she was becoming. But dammit, she couldn't help it! This sudden change and coldness from the other girl was too painful. It hurt. Why was Elsa being like this right now? She had kissed her, after all. This was all her doing. Anna hadn't asked her to kiss her and make her feel all these messy, terrible, terrifying emotions. This wasn't Anna's fault!
Elsa wasn't looking at her. She was partially turned away and just kept staring towards the study like it was a sanctuary she longed to return to. Anna took a few more steps, closing the distance between them to only a few feet. If she could just manage to grab her hand, get the other girl to turn and look at her again, to feel her skin on hers, then surely they could work through whatever was upsetting her and talk about what happened?
"Elsa, please, I just—"
"I'm sorry, Princess."
The words were spoken so flatly, so empty of emotion that Anna flinched.
"You're… sorry?"
"…Yes."
"What does that mean?" Anna asked, struggling around the solid lump that was forming in her throat.
"I shouldn't have kissed you like that, earlier. I'm sorry."
"What? No!"
It was a choked gasp, and exhalation of distress that Anna couldn't suppress. What did she mean, she was sorry? What did she mean, she shouldn't have kissed her? She regretted kissing her, that much was now clear, but what did she mean by "I shouldn't have"?
"I don't understand," she said.
That was certainly the truth. It was all she could think to say. She didn't understand how things could change so swiftly in such a short amount of time. Just a few minutes ago they had been in each other's arms, kissing each other. If the queen had not arrived when she had, there was no telling where those kisses might have led to. Had Elsa simply been caught up in the moment, from all their teasing about marriage proposals, terrible lewd poetry, and "favors" and such? Had she simply been drawn in by their physical closeness? Worst possibility of them all, had she just been toying with her?
Anna had never kissed anyone before this. Had the kiss been terrible, and this was the older girl's way of telling her that she wasn't interested in a repeat performance?
But no, Anna knew what she had felt during that kiss. She thought she knew how Elsa had felt, too. She remembered the heat, the naked yearning in the other girl's eyes, in her hands on her body, in the words she had spoken. Elsa had wanted that kiss just as much as she had… Had enjoyed it just as much as she had. Anna was certain of it!
Elsa sighed and turned to face her fully again, her jaw and throat clenching around some kind of emotion she was obviously trying to control. She did that, Anna knew. Always trying to be so in control all the time. But now the princess had seen her when she wasn't in control, when she let herself let go even just a little, and she couldn't forget how raw and powerful all the emotion under the surface of that veneer of control really was. She had glimpsed the hidden whirlpool beneath the placid waters of the frozen lake, and she could never forget seeing it.
"Look, Anna, I really am sorry," Elsa said, not unkindly. "I shouldn't have kissed you earlier. It's not… right. Not as we are. You are the Princess of Arendelle and I am from Northuldra, and… I am your slave," she said, swallowing hard on those last words.
She shook her head, and her stern expression wavered for a moment, revealing a sadness and regret that made Anna's heart ache to see.
"We can't do that again, Anna, okay? I'm sorry."
"Stop apologizing," Anna ground out through clenched teeth, determined not to cry.
She was feeling so many conflicting emotions at once that she wasn't sure what she was feeling anymore. Chiefly, she was sad. She was also embarrassed, and there was a heavy dose of guilt rising up to compete with the sadness and embarrassment as well. Why hadn't she thought about their situation before? Elsa was her slave. She was her responsibility. Even if they wanted to have some kind of relationship beyond friendship, the power dynamics of their situation were completely messed up. Elsa was entirely at her mercy. She may have kissed her first, true, but that didn't change the fact that Anna had total power over her.
"Why did you do it?" she asked, finally, the words coming out smaller than she had intended, but she had to know. Even if this had all been a terrible mistake, she had to know.
Elsa sighed, deeply, those blue eyes closing for a long second, then opening again, giving her a look she couldn't decipher. Her beautiful lips twisted into a small, melancholy smile.
"Because I wanted to," she said, simply.
Anna felt such relief at this admission that she almost sobbed, but something in the way Elsa said the words was like she was confessing a horrible sin. It tempered the princess's happiness at the admission, though it was still somewhat of a relief.
Elsa had wanted to kiss her…
…But they shouldn't.
She supposed she would have to find a way to live with this, somehow.
"I wanted you to," Anna said, earnestly, her heart in her throat. "I still want you to, but… Please, you have to know I would never take… I would never force you to… I care about you, Elsa. You're my friend. You know that, right?"
It was a struggle not to close the small distance and throw her arms around her. It was a struggle to hold her gaze, but somehow, she managed. She felt like her heart was breaking into a million tiny pieces, but she managed.
"I know," Elsa said.
She said it with such tenderness. With understanding, and sadness, and so many other things all together, things that couldn't properly be named. Then she stepped into the study and closed the door behind her without another word.
Anna went to her own room. She closed her door, locking it. She sat at her little vanity and stared at the vials of perfume, the brushes, the oils and powders, all without seeing any of it at all.
Quietly, so as not to be overheard, Princess Anna put her head in her hands and cried.
