I posted today's update several hours earlier, so you can enjoy it with a smooth cup of Saturday morning coffee if you want and because I have a busy weekend planned.
Chapter 31
You're always fighting something
You never stop running
You don't even bother tryna keep your smile
Let me take you back, boy, let me try
We might be alright
Perfect ain't coming but we'll be alright —Apple Juice, Jessie Reyes
Bella
Shocked, my mouth fell open as his words sunk in. "You're going back to California?" It was the obvious conclusion.
He nodded, and my heart sank. "Jake," I said, briefly thinking he had to be joking as I asked him when.
"Two weeks. I'm giving my dad the same time I spent with Mom every summer. We originally had planned for me to use the plane ticket money at the end of the summer. Then I'd go back to school from California, so my tribal funding would cover the travel costs to Chemawa. We haven't bounced back from my mom's medical situation, yet. But we decided that I should go now instead, and when I go, I can't come back."
It stunned me he would work so hard to get me to forgive him, only to come back a little while later with this, and with such lousy timing on top of it. Then again, what would my reaction have been if he broke the news after we made out?
"I'm sorry, Bella. I thought I made the right decision when I told them and now... I don't know what to do because of you." He let out a groan of frustration, his shoulders slumping. "I want to stay here with you at the same time."
"Couldn't you have told me sooner?" After everything we went through earlier, I felt messed with somehow.
"Why? Would it have made a difference in you being here with me now?"
"No, but still."
"I never had a chance. There was too many people around us all night. This is actually the first real opportunity I've had."
True. "I'll give you that, but why do you have to leave?"
"It's not so much I have to leave here as it is, I have to go there. Billy and I... No, scratch that. This is all me. I honestly believe I wouldn't have made it through to Nationals if not for the time I spent in California last summer and during Christmas. The training there is better."
"You can't know that for sure! You're a great fighter, and such a dedicated and hard worker. I bet you would have won, regardless."
He rubbed his lips together and looked as if considering my statements. "Maybe so, but I don't want to risk it. I've been working toward this tournament since I can remember. Each fight will be tougher than tough. Bella, I want this championship so bad..." Balling his hands into fists, his forearms flexed... "My knuckles hurt. If I don't do everything within my power to succeed, I'll wish I did, because Regionals is cake compared to Nationals."
"There's got to be another way, Jake. Jasper said Old Ben is one of the best coaches around and one of the greatest fighters of his time. How did he do it? If he's such a brilliant coach, I don't understand why you need to go somewhere else to win."
"The coaching's not the problem. It's the lack of worthy sparring partners. My teammates are good, but I've been there, done that. I'm not learning anything more when training with them. And as far as good competition goes, around the state—the rest of the guys in my division aren't any better." He leaned back on both of his hands, crossing his long legs at his ankles and focused on the fire. "Besides, Ben's a poor example. I mean, he is a brilliant coach, but he's not such a great role model for me to follow."
I raised my brow. "What do you mean by that?"
"Did Emmett or Jasper tell you about Leon Spinks?" He turned to look at me.
I shook my head.
"Leon Spinks is a Light Heavyweight Champion boxer of the 70s. He fought his way to the 1976 Montreal Olympic Games and brought home the Olympic Gold. Before that, when they were amateurs about my age, Coach met up with him at a minor boxing event." Jacob's smile lit his eyes. "Coach Tko'd him early in the second round. I heard from elders who witnessed the fight that he stopped Spinks easily. Just think about it, Bella. Old Ben fought this talented and successful boxer and he beat him easy."
He appeared in awe of his words. "That's how good Ben was... Leon Spinks took an Olympic Gold Medal, turned professional, and even fought against Muhammad Ali twice, winning once. And Ben? Well, he went on to coach us."
"But was that because he never left Washington to train elsewhere?"
He shook his head. "Nah... that was actually because of Tia." Whether Jacob meant it or not, he spoke Tia's name with resentment in his voice. "They fell in love young, had a kid, then got married. Before he knew it, all his priorities changed. After his life became about supporting his family, there was no room for boxing... Whenever someone asks him why he never fought in the Olympics, he tells this lame story about being afraid to fly in airplanes back then. 'I never would have made it out of the country because my plane would have crashed.'" Jake rubbed his temple, a ghost of a smile surfacing. "It's kind of funny the way he says it."
I didn't think I liked what I heard. Jacob blamed Tia for Ben's decisions. "So, are you saying Ben falling in love and having a family was the mistake of his life?"
"Not at all. I'm just saying he could have waited. He's got to wonder what would've happened if he put everything he had into boxing. If he focused on it long enough to see how far he could have taken it. I wonder what it would have been like for him."
He repositioned himself and said, "There's never been a shortage of promise and potential in La Push. People just don't know how to use it. Sometimes I think being our own Sovereign Nation is a detriment. We're a little country within a big country. We live in a world of our own in La Push. And people get stuck there... Take Sam, for instance. Last year, the University of Washington offered him a full track scholarship to sprint for them. He didn't even last one semester away from the Rez. How pathetic is that? People get stuck there. Still, they go around happy as clams."
Jacob's aspirations were always clear, but I discovered a little more about what actually drove him.
"I don't want to become one of those wastes of potentials, getting sauced—like Billy used to do—and bragging to their kids about their glory days."
Because I cared about him and loved him so much, Jacob didn't have to work so hard at making his point, despite what he may have thought.
Silence interrupted our debate.
I twirled my hair, biting my lip and gazing into the fire. Jacob claimed he didn't know what to do. But it sounded like he knew exactly what to do. Numbness settled over me as I accepted that he had to go. No matter how much I hated it. No matter how much it would hurt, he had to go.
Sad, and surrendering out loud, I said, "That won't happen to you because you're different, Jacob. And I think regardless of where you go or who you train with, you're gonna succeed. But if you want to go, then go. Do what you need to do."
I didn't think I spoke with animosity—if I did, I didn't mean it—but Jacob responded by grimacing. "I suppose you're pissed off at me again."
The tone he used stung.
"No. I admit, I'm not happy with your decision, but I'm not mad." I could never have been. "I know I can't convince you to stay."
His eyebrow cocked. "You don't think?"
I had meant shouldn't convince him to stay, and I didn't think I could convince him, but it was nice for him to imply that I could. Giving him as much of a smile as I could offer through the sorrow following the acceptance, I reached for his hand and said, "Thank you."
"For what? Ruining everything again?" he asked in a depressed tone.
I craned my neck and touched my lips to his cheek. "For making me understand. You're better at communicating than I am."
He laughed, then licked his lips. "Is that your way of telling me I talk too much?"
I grinned. "It's my way of telling you I'm sorry for the way I acted tonight."
I didn't automatically know what he was thinking, but he tried harder to express himself to me more than I ever did with him. Calling me out on it opened my eyes. "What you said before about me not being honest with my feelings was true. I guess I'm not a very trusting person, and that's not your fault."
"Well, I didn't communicate with you when it mattered the most, and I screwed things up royally because of it. But that's over now. I'll make sure nothing like that happens between us ever again. It'll work for us this time, Bella. I promise you!"
I nodded.
We fell silent, the two of us transfixed on the smoldering heap. It wasn't an uncomfortable atmosphere, just a quiet one. "So, what's next?" he asked.
Wondering about his question for an instant, I let out a soft sigh. "I suppose we make it the best two weeks possible."
"I can stay a little longer."
"For real?"
He nodded, and I felt relief with the gentle peck he placed on my nose.
A few short kisses later, Jacob reached behind his neck with both hands, clutching at the back of his nylon shirt, and stretched it over his head. He was wearing a plain t-shirt underneath, but it rose along with the other one, allowing a view of his narrow, well-toned waist and incredible abdomen before he tugged the shirt back down. "I can't believe Emmett's not back yet. I'm wasted. I've been up since five-o'clock this morning. Yesterday morning, I mean."
"I know, right?"
He rolled his shirt into a ball and lay back, using it as a pillow, spanning his arm for me to join him. I had a better idea. I headed to the truck for one of the old quilts I brought. Considering Leah last summer, I came prepared. Standing beside the truck, on top of the bank, I inspected where we'd been sitting, realizing how good of a view Leah and Jasper had from inside the truck. Depending on our distance from the fire, we might have appeared like shadows, but they'd still get the picture. As far as privacy, that awareness watched over us like a chaperone. Making out became frustrating for both of us, and eventually Jacob fell asleep.
I lay on his shoulder with my arm flung across his chest, listening to him breathe, and trying to memorize every detail of him. His clothes smelled of smoke, but the skin of his neck smelled masculine and nice. His arm muscles appeared thinner, slacked. Relaxed and resting, he looked so innocent teenager, but that wasn't the case. The skill of his mouth and touch was evidence enough. Not that it came as a surprise or was even disturbing; this was just another facet of Jacob that I think I already knew.
I didn't realize I drifted off until the wild sounds from the woods drew open my eyes. Not wanting to disturb him, I crept out of his embrace and surveyed the area. The fire had died, leaving only red-ember logs. The night had taken on a blue overcast, a sign of dawn approaching.
Trembling, I zipped my sweater, then placed Jacob's nylon shirt over him. I considered going to the bathroom when echoes of movement sounded in the trees, along with strange squawks and growling noises.
I found a branch and poked at the fire, trying for a rekindling. It was no use. It wasn't safe in the wilderness without a deterring blaze. "Jacob, wake up," I said, pushing him with my fingertips. "Wake up, Jake."
It took me several tries before he stirred and showed life. Opening bloodshot eyes, he sat up and wrapped his arms around himself, looking about and gawking at Emmett's lonely truck. "Fuck, he left us here all night!"
"Yeah, and I figured we better wait in the truck now."
"All right. You go ahead while I bury these embers."
Leah made room for us, climbing into the front seat with Jasper.
Snuggling in the truck was warmer and a little more comfortable, but falling into a deep sleep seemed impossible. Muffled voices endeavored to invade my semiconscious state. A door slammed, I thought, but my heavy lids refused to open as I gripped the quilt over me and Jacob.
An obnoxious bang jerked me out of his arms to see Emmett's big, grinning face plastered against the window. I cranked the window down. "Rise and shine!" he said, beaming with cheerfulness.
"Shut the hell up before one of us smacks you," Jasper mumbled in a tired voice.
Emmett laughed.
Jacob shifted, rolling his head in Emmett's direction. Emmett's eyes popped out of his head, and I wondered whose arms he'd thought I'd been in.
"You made it," Jacob said, taking time opening his eyes. "It's about time."
Emmett chuckled and said, "I got blank last night." He slid behind the steering wheel as Jasper scooted next to Leah, who I was sure was awake, but probably too angry and too tired to pay him a sliver of attention. He turned the ignition. The old-timer roared with enough zest any owner would be proud. Then, in typical irritating-Emmett fashion, he dropped his arm over the seat behind Jasper, twisting to see us, giving us a blatant five second observation. God, he can annoy.
I felt happy when he grinned and asked, "So, back to your house, Jake?"
"Yep."
Finally, we were home free.
A/N The information given by Jacob about Leon Spinks are facts, according to Wikipedia, but the rest of Ben's story, including him fighting Spinks, is my imagination.
