I posted two chapters today, 40 and 41. Make sure you read them both, so you don't get lost.
Chapter 41
It's easier for us to hide
If you come out then so will I
Promise that I'll meet you halfway
'Cause I see every part of you
And I can tell you see me too
By the way that you say my name —Honest Man, Ben Platt
Bella
"Seth!" I jerked back, stunned to see his face wearing Jacob's hair. He looked more like Jacob every time I saw him. I cupped my cheeks. "You cut your hair!"
"And that's why you're going off on me?"
Relief washed over me that it wasn't Jacob in our kitchen, acting as if he had the right to be there. When I gave him a hug, I reached for the missing locks at the nape of his neck, scrubbing at his short hair. "I'm sorry, Seth."
Jasper laughed. I knew he knew who I'd thought Seth was, and when Seth told me Jacob gave him his car as a birthday present, I knew he, too, understood my outburst.
An abrupt sadness rose at the news of Jacob's car, because that was a sign Jacob didn't intend on coming back here anymore. I didn't want to see him, but it hurt knowing I couldn't see him if I had wanted to. Information about him would probably always piss me off or wound me, so I pushed the awful feelings down as they came up and replaced the subject in my mind with Seth's growth spurt.
It shouldn't have weirded me out how much he compared to Jacob. Seth always had the same sweet, bright smile, pretty, dark eyes, framed with thick eyelashes, and the same bronze skin with a hint of ruddiness to his high cheekbones. Those traits were nothing I never noticed before. But it jarred me this time because, not only had he cut his hair, he caught up to Jacob's height, which was about six foot two. He also had the fit form of a well-trained boxer. He wasn't as muscular as Jacob yet, but he was getting there. The bone structures of their cheeks and chins were different, but I was betting they would easily be mistaken for each other to someone who didn't know them very well.
"Leah's waiting for us at the house. Mom and dad are Christmas shopping, so we have the house to ourselves until they get home," Seth said.
"We were waiting for you and Emmett," Jasper said.
"Emmett's busy going over recruitment offers with his coach. But, give me a minute to change clothes before we go."
A pile of Jacob's belongings sat beside me in the back seat on the ride to the Clearwaters. A weighty depression engulfed me, giving me a queasy stomach. I scooted toward the window and stared outside to avoid one of the blankets we often used at the beach.
Seeing Leah had the opposite effect. The blaring stereo gave off a joyous party vibe while we all sat in the living room, visiting.
Leah's face brightened, and she stood up from the chair, displaying a sly smirk. "I've got to show you guys something. I'll be right back." She went to her bedroom and when she came back out, she wore a short, black and red cheerleader's uniform. She lifted her arms into the shape of a Y. "Ta Da!"
The sight of her tickled me. I glanced at Jasper and caught his eyes rolling up and down her long, tan, and toned legs with his jaw hanging open a little. He pulled his eyes away from her, looking over at me, unable to hide the redness that appeared. He was so my brother. I grinned at him, reminding myself to tease him about it after we left.
Shaking himself and turning back to her, he tried to play it off by saying in a casual tone, "Give us a cheer, little miss cheerleader."
She shook her head, a bashful expression emerging.
Seth cupped his mouth and, using a deep voice with a cheer-leading rhythm, sang, "Braves, Braves, what do you eat?"
Then he changed his tone to a high pitched, girly voice and answered himself. "We eat panther meat! We eat panther meat!"
"Braves, Braves, how do you like it?"
He fist pumped in the air. "Raw, Raw, Raw!"
We all cracked up laughing.
"Is that one of them?" I asked her.
"No." She snapped her eyes at her goofy brother. "Well, it was, but we couldn't do it, because the athletic director ruled it unsportsmanship like. I thought it was a stupid cheer."
A moment later, Jasper leaned forward and asked, "So, what should we do tonight?" When no one offered an idea, he said, "The Teen Holiday dance is tonight. Should we go?"
I realized the Chemawa kids weren't home on the night of the Teen Holiday Dance and asked, "Why are you back so early?"
Seth answered me. "Mom was lonesome for us. So, dad drove down there and checked us out, two days earlier, as a Christmas surprise for her."
"The holiday dance sounds like fun," Leah said in enthusiasm. "I haven't been to one of those in two years, so let's do it."
Jasper nodded. "Okay, me and Bella will go home and get ready, and you can pick us up later, Seth. Emmett won't come with us. It's not his style."
"Do you want me to give you guys a ride home?" Seth asked.
"No," Jasper said. "It's nice enough outside for us to walk."
Yes! I didn't want to get back into Jacob's car. There were too many memories of him in there. I said, "We might as well walk to the dance, too. Just like we did when we were younger."
They all agreed.
Once we walked further down the street, Jasper asked, "Do you think Leah will go out with me if I ask her on an actual date to the dance tonight?"
I snapped my face toward him. "Really, Jasper?"
"Yeah."
"Oh, my god!" That was the last thing I expected from him.
He rolled his eyes. "What?"
"Nothing. I'm just surprised."
"So... I made out with her once, already."
A flabbergasted laugh burst from my lips and both of my hands clasped over my mouth. "What? When?"
"Last summer at the party, when we were stranded in the truck together. Nobody knows. You're the first person I've told."
I couldn't believe my ears. Leah was my best friend, and she never told me anything.
Jasper sighed, then smiled. "It feels good to say that out loud to someone."
"Is that why you and Maria broke up after the party?"
"No. I already decided on breaking up with her, or that wouldn't have happened between me and Leah. The next day, when I told Leah, I broke up with Maria. She felt guilty and blamed herself. I couldn't convince her Maria and I were breaking up, anyway. Afterward, Leah made me promise I'd forget about it. Then we spent the rest of the summer trying to hang out a little more than usual just to get back to normal."
His speaking of last summer made me think of the night Jacob lost his match during Nationals, and we were all in my bedroom, talking about it. Jasper told us he had invited Leah out to eat pizza with him and Emmett before he had even invited Seth out to eat with them. It was a blush I thought I observed on him that evening.
"Do you think there's someone else?" Jacob had asked when we talked about Jasper and Maria's breakup.
Leah helped Jasper over his relationship withdrawal, and that was why I never saw him depressed. "I don't have a clue if she'll go out with you on an actual date. Apparently, I don't even know the real Leah Clearwater." And she'd get a mean lecture about it as soon as I got her alone.
"Don't bring it up to her."
Rolling my eyes, I nodded. "Okay."
"I'll call her as soon as we get home."
"What if she says no? Are you still going to come with us to the dance?"
He made a face as if I'd asked a stupid question. "Sure I am. If she says no, she says no."
I wondered how he could be so cavalier about it and thought maybe it was just a guy thing. They didn't have any feelings.
Jasper and Leah were walking several feet ahead of me and Seth. He and I dawdled behind them to give them privacy while we made our way to the Civic Center.
As they passed by the playground, they both almost slipped and grabbed on to each other for balance. "Watch your step. It's icy over here," Jasper called out, looking back at us.
The slip gave them an excuse to hold hands. They turned toward the playground outside the Civic Center and started gliding around on the blacktop of the basketball court. Seth and I caught up to them and sat down on the court bench while Jasper twirled Leah around on a piece of ice, layering the area. We watched them goofing around, hanging all over each other, and giggling.
"Did you know anything about this?" I asked.
"No." He was staring at them with a smile tweaking his lips. "I'm just as shocked as you."
Their secrecy annoyed me. "God, some people are so sneaky."
Seth narrowed his eyes and glanced at me from the corner of them. "You got that right!"
I chuckled. Who am I to talk?
Jasper bit the dust, pulling Leah down to her knees with him. Seth lifted his voice in concern. "Be careful!"
They both turned to us with smiles on their faces. They got to their feet, holding onto one another and started swaying like they were slow dancing to music only they could hear. "Isn't this weird to you, Seth?"
"Is it weird to you?"
"Kind of. I mean, they don't go together or something," I tried to explain. Maybe they did, but it came so out of the blue the thought of "Jasper and Leah" as a couple was foreign to my mind, and I was having trouble adjusting to it.
Seth observed them. A few minutes later, he said, "They go together okay... Kind of like... mashed potatoes and steak, but not as good as peanut butter and jelly."
I giggled, wondering who was the mashed potatoes and who was the steak. "What are you talking about, Seth?"
He chuckled and said, "I'm talking about... I'm hungry and mom was making steak and mashed potatoes tonight, but I should have at least eaten a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before we left."
"Oh." I shook my head at his silliness and zipped my jacket further up my neck. I was getting cold, waiting for Jasper and Leah to quit messing around.
He glanced at me. "We could have driven over here." When I told him I didn't want to, he asked, "Jacob's car?"
I nodded.
Moving closer to me, he placed his right arm on top of my left arm to help warm me, so I snuggled into him. No sooner did I do that when I thought about how easy it always felt between the two of us. We were so natural together and had been for the longest time. I never had to hide who I was from Seth, and he always seemed to take such good care of me. It occurred to me I felt more comfortable with him than I ever did with Jacob. I just didn't know why it was barely occurring to me.
Another thing came to mind about the party Emmett had left us at. He had introduced us that night, as if trying to fix me and Seth up. He was drunk. But it was possible he saw something I didn't notice back then, which was—Seth and I made a good couple. And if I really wanted to get technical about it. Seth was the literal first guy who ever kissed me, and he could kiss. I knew that much from the locker room incident.
I amassed what boldness I could before I talked myself out of it. "They go together okay, but not as good as like, say... Seth and Bella go together."
He pulled his body away from me, turning to look me in the eye, with a bewildered smirk on his face.
To let him know I was serious, I pressed for an answer. "Don't you think?"
After studying me for a moment, a large grin appeared. "You're being dumb, Bella." He laughed, shaking his head as he turned away. Re-positioning himself on the bench, he stretched his legs out and stared into the darkness.
His silence and withdraw didn't make me uncomfortable; that was just how comfortable I felt with him. I wondered if that's what Jasper meant when he said, "If she says no, she says no." It wouldn't bother him.
Sitting there and listening to Seth's silence, I decided that even though I didn't feel uncomfortable with what I'd said to him. I must have made him uncomfortable, and I should apologize, but I didn't want to take it back just yet.
He broke the quiet with a loud huff, turning toward me, and said, "Hey..."
When I met his gaze, his eyes roamed over my face for so long I could see his consideration. His stare lingered on my mouth. Swallowing, he wet his lips and leaned over to kiss me. Our lips touched, and comfort and safety quickly overwhelmed me. Seth would never hurt me. He felt warm and right and tasted as sweet as he'd always treated me.
He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, and I huddled into his chest, winding my arm around his back as we continued kissing. Neither of us cared Jasper and Leah were there. We didn't even break apart when I heard Jasper whispering to Leah, something I couldn't decipher, but I heard her say in a low voice, "So what? Hurry, let's go."
I assumed they walked away, and Jasper called out, "See you guys inside!"
"Sh-"
"Ouch! Or not," he mumbled.
Uh-oh! What will Jacob do now?
