It all started when I went out on this date…

…let me set the scene for you.

Lindsey was nice. She rocked long brown hair and a fully tatted right arm. The fact that she picked me up on her motorcycle was pretty friggin' sweet, too.

My date takes me out to a nice restaurant. A little on the loud side, but I can't complain when it comes to sushi.

We just ordered our drinks when my date goes, "You're not going to order an alcoholic drink? I'm paying!"

I didn't really understand why she was questioning why I was ordering water as a first date drink. But then again this is my first date in years, so I figured I must have missed out on quite a bit when it comes to the dating scene.

"I…just don't feel like it," I say with the best smile I can genuinely muster. I made it a goal to try not to overshare anything as that can be a problem with me at times when it comes to dates. So, I didn't have the courage to muster up the info out of my wordhole to tell this girl that most alcohol gives me migraines.

"Oh, okay!" Lindsey says. She's polite and sweet about it as she seemed to be with a lot of things. Naturally, this puts me on edge feeling like anything and everything can go wrong. Murphey's Law has a way of sneaking into my love life.

"So, tell me about yourself," Lindsey asks leaning forward. "From your profile, I know you're a Libra and love to write. What else can you tell me?"

OOF. The 'tell me about yourself' topic: the ultimate segue to nervous babbling.

Don't overshare, don't overshare, don't—

"Well, I like to change my hair color and style depending on whatever issues I'm currently dealing with, I have major depression that can only be cured with watching cat videos and Markiplier playthroughs while eating homemade seaweed salad, yes indeedy I do love to write but my procrastination stabs my motivation deep in the throat in the daily jousting contest called life to where I hardly get anything done, I think people who hate cats are severely close-minded, and sometimes I wish a comet would pummel me due to my overthinking every mistake I've made in middle school."

"…."

"And most alcohol gives me migraines."

"….."

"You wanna skip to dessert, or shall I call for the check now?"


And that's how I ended up back in my home, still single and still an idiot.

I suppose the adult thing to do would be to apologize to her for my personal info vomit…

Screw it. I'm watching a Disney movie.

I look through my old VHS tapes and came across a classic. The Black Cauldron. My heart skips a little beat upon seeing the Horned King's face on the cover. I've…had a soft spot for the guy for as long as I can remember. The passing of his voice actor, John Hurt, really saddened me. Rest in peace, big guy.

Moment of silence aside, I insert the tape into the VHS player and sat on my couch with my bowl of homemade seaweed salad. I eat and watch the movie.

The Horned King's monologue comes on. I turn away and blush when his face comes into view. Is it weird that I do that every time a fictional crush turns his/her face to the audience? It's either that or I giggle like a complete dork-doofus. I dunno. Maybe it's the fact that I feel too nervous to look at anyone I'd like to be a romantic partner to.

It'd be nice…to have a fictional character be a romantic partner. It's the dream. Maybe good ol' HK would be a nice partner aside from the fact that he's a villainous undead guy who rules over his neck of the woods with an iron zombie fist.

Like I said, the dream.

I start to get sleepy right around the time when the fairies come on and turn the TV off. I look at the clock on my fun. A few minutes after ten p.m. I'll be going to bed at a decent time this go-around. I put on one of my favorite pairs of pajamas: a loose black tee and my beloved banana sleep shorts. Single ladies must dress in the best on a lonely Friday night. For added measure, I even put on my chibi dinosaur socks. They don't match my pjs, but hey, I'm not exactly dressing for dinner with royalty here.

Before bed, I get a good look out the window. I see a shooting star in the sky, which isn't a new occurrence for me. I would make wishes on them to pass tests in elementary school, and I succeeded each time.

Now to succeed in my love life.

I recite the usual wishing star prayer and make my wish.

"Any chance I can get another date? Maybe get married pretty darn soon?" I am a grown adult who has watched other grown adults get married and have kids. And here I am, single and ready to OVERmingle. I think of the Horned King.

"Maybe someone who's down-to-earth, has employment, would keep me grounded in reality, and has a nice voice to listen to? Someone who would…actually like me?"

That last part would def cross Horned King off the list.

What would a king want with a woman in banana shorts?

I mentally apologize to the wishing star for wasting its time, close the curtains, and plop myself onto the bed. I shuffle under the covers, and dreams of romantic fulfillment with no issues to fulfill my inner Mary-Sue dance in my head.

Not five minutes later, I notice a bright light shining through my eyelids. I couldn't have left the lamp on, could I? Am I that big an idiot? I open my eyes and see that I did not leave the lamp on. Instead, I see that the bright light was shining through my curtains. Ah hell, there better not be any late-night construction going on outside. I get up and slump over to my curtains. I open them.

Good news is there isn't a piece of construction equipment in sight.

Bad news is there's an asteroid heading right for my f-ing window.

"WHAT THE SHI—"

That's all folks!

*cue Looney Tunes music*

Just kidding. Next chapter coming soon.