Prologue

2000

The age of twenty has been the most confusing of my life. So many things have happened in the last year and they've changed me forever.

Meeting Jacob. July 29, 1999. It was a life changing day. I knew he was 'the one' almost instantly. His older brother was driving us around, just for something to do. My best friend was with me. At one point, as we drove around a curve, I slid into Jacob. I looked over at Jessica and mouthed, 'oh my god." In that moment, I fell in love.

The whole thing was surreal and in a way, it still is. Not exactly because of him but my reaction to him changed me forever.

Your first sexual experience is never to be forgotten and you really are different after that. I remember coming home and sitting at the foot of my bed. I sat there in a complete daze for almost an hour. I had just had sex. The whole idea of it just blew my mind.

Then I was accidentally CC'ed on an email from Embry to a bunch of his friends, including Jake. That ended up being another life altering event. He taught me my power as a woman. More importantly he has shown me that there are a few good men out there. He embodies all of the characterics I want in a husband. Who knows? Maybe someday.

Mike. My first, and I hope only, one night stand. I never thought I was capable of such a thing but I am . No one is perfect. We all make mistakes that we never thought we'd ever make. I learned many things from that experience. The most important is that I never want to feel that shame and self disappointment again.

My parents divorce. It was a long time coming but still somehow a shock when it actually happened. I feel like I don't have a mom anymore but I have a pretty cool dad. We've gotten close, more as adults and friends than a father and child.

My baby sister moved away. She is gone and it hurts. Chances are she'll come home but for now I'm dealing with the pain of now having her here. She has been at my side since I was 15 months old. Not having her here is shocking and awful.

These five events have changed me forever. I can't go back and I don't think I want to. Before these events occurred my life was more simple and uncomplicated. Now my life is confusing, yet very exciting.

I'm not exactly happy but I'm certainly content. A year ago I was miserable so I guess I've come a long way. It's been a rocky introduction to my twenties. I guess I better buckle up and enjoy the ride.

~~My Embarrassing Diary~~

This story will not be pre-read or edited by a beta to correct spelling or grammar. I may self edit some egregious errors I made when writing in my diary when I was young. Other than changing names, this is what I wrote then.