Here's another chapter, further exploring Sango's mental dilemmas and her struggles! This arc is drawing closer to its conclusion! Only a few chapters remaining! What will become of Sango? Will she get off the ship okay?

As for the Best Girl nominations, still going strong. Anyone else left to add, I wonder?

Currently Nominated: Sango, Cynthia, Elaina, Kate, Dakota, Ayame, Marion

Just a Bad Writer for Fun: What's so interesting?

TREBOR.E: Roughly 2 months.

Tambry96bj: Yeah, I think Guinevere has a lot in common with Caelia.

Pokemonking0924: Thanks, but we're not there just yet.

Hellraiserphoenix: She is quite like Caelia. And yes, this is critical for Sango's growth.

Pokemon Academy: Beginning of Beginnings

Chapter 180


Marion woke up before the sun rose. Something was wrong. Very wrong. She didn't ear Petal frantically panicking, or the rangers filing into action. It was just like any other morning.

But Sango still wasn't there. Marion felt a chill run up her spine.

Sango would have sent out her emergency beacon by now. And the rangers would have had to notice it. What's going on? Why hasn't anyone noticed Sango's beacon?

Marion frowned, and leapt out of bed, slapping her hat onto her head. She darted out of the female's sleeping quarters, and ran to Petal's private room, knocking frantically on the door.

Petal was NOT happy to be woken up at 3 in the morning. She rose out of bed and stormed over to her door, swinging it open. Her face was filled with fury.

Marion ignored Petal's rage. This was important. Marion opened her mouth, the desperation in her eyes causing Petal to calm down and put a serious expression on her face.

Marion began to explain to Petal everything about Sango's plan and where she had gone that night.


In the meantime, Sango awoke from a sleep that was more restful than it had any right to be, given the circumstances. The cell they were staying in was much brighter now, and Sango could see everything clearer with the sunlight streaming in from the dusty porthole windows.

Sango sat up and stretched, looking around. Ryoko was sitting in the corner, checking her watch. Guinevere had not moved.

Sango's stomach began to rumble. She realized that in the craziness of the prior day, all she'd had to eat was her large breakfast. She sat up and swung her legs over the edge of the cot, looking hopefully towards the bars of the cell door.

"Are they…" Sango quietly spoke, Ryoko closing her watch and glancing up at her. "Are they going to give us any food?"

Ryoko shook her head.

"Not that I know of."

Sango went pale, and held her hand over her stomach. The rumbling grew louder.

"Let me help," Ryoko said, smiling, rising to her feet. She walked over to Sango and held her hand up, a soft green light emanating out of it. She placed her hand on Sango's stomach, and Sango felt her hunger start to fade away.

"What are you doing?" Sango asked, confused.

"I am reversing the flow of time in your stomach," Ryoko explained.

"Uh… that sounds…"

"There is no need for concern," Ryoko assured her. "It will not affect your internal body rhythms. I am merely returning your metabolism to a state when you were not hungry. It should correct itself in a day or so."

"…Okay," Sango said, nodding. She was feeling better, and Ryoko did seem to know what she was doing.

"Are you feeling better?" Ryoko asked. "You seemed very worn down last night."

"I am," Sango said, nodding. "I had a lot of worries last night… I thought that I was useless… that I couldn't help anyone…"

"Do you still feel that way?" Ryoko asked quietly, the light in her hands dimming as her treatment came to its conclusion.

Sango nodded her head glumly.

"All I can do is the best I can," Sango said. "So I'm going to keep trying my hardest. Even… even if my actions won't amount to anything… I'm going to do my best to help the people that are in front of me."

Sango turned to look at Guinevere.

"Hey."

Guinevere didn't respond. Sango frowned, and called out to her a little louder.

"Hey!"

Still no response.

"I did not know if you were talking to me."

This girl…

"Hey, Guinevere!"

"Yes?" Guinevere asked, turning her head to look in Sango's direction. Sango could feel her eye twitching in irritation, but she smiled. No sense getting angry at the girl. She was just a little different.

Sango got off of her cot and walked over to Guinevere, sitting down next to her.

"Can we talk?"

"Do you want to talk to me?" Guinevere asked.

"I do," Sango said, nodding. "I wanted to talk to you about yesterday."

"What about yesterday?"

"Do you remember when I touched your arm? I apologize for that. I didn't mean to scare you. Can you please tell me why it is you reacted like that?"

"Reacted like what?" Guinevere asked. She seemed to be staring past Sango, not meeting her eyes. When Sango tried to refocus her gaze, Guinevere glanced down, and after a few more tries Sango gave up. Sango coughed. It seemed she'd have to be more specific when getting through to this girl.

"When I touched your arm, you shouted not to touch you. Is there a reason you don't like other people touching you?"

If there was, Guinevere didn't say so.

"I only want to help you, Guinevere" Sango said. "If you're scared, or in pain, I want to help. You believe that I want to help you, don't you?"

"Not really."

Well… that wasn't what she expected to hear.

"Why not?"

"Why not what?"

"Why don't you believe that I want to help you?"

"People don't help. People only hurt people. Always hurting people…" Guinevere began muttering, not really speaking to Sango but more speaking at her. "Tell them not to touch me, don't like being touched, always touching…"

"Did someone touch you? Hurt you?" Sango asked. "Is that why-"

"Touching! Tell them to stop, won't stop! I needed to make them stop, but then they yell at me, they touch me, laugh at me, why can't I hit them?! I don't understand, why do they keep touching me? Pulling my hair, love my hair, don't touch my hair, my hair is so pretty, please, stop, I need-"

"Guinevere-" Sango reached towards her instinctively before stopping herself, but not nearly fast enough. Guinevere's eyes flashed wildly and she lashed out at Sango, striking her in the face and knocking her backwards. Trembling, Guinevere recoiled back, holding her hand to her chest. Her face was white with fear.

"Ah… ah…" Guinevere gasped.

Sango was stunned. Something like that… she had just been trying to help, but… even then all she had done was make things worse. She'd hurt the girl even more. The fear in her eyes… damn it, why couldn't Sango have just left well-enough alone? Was it out of some pity for the poor girl, knowing that Sango would be walking away free when this was over, while this girl would be left to suffer… god knows what?

That was it… Sango wasn't helping this girl out of the kindness of her heart. She was just trying to assuage her own guilt… and it was the same with those Wooloo… was she really trying to help poor Lucy? Or was it just about making up for her mistake? She would know soon enough, it seemed. Would she be able to smile, knowing she had done all she could? If so… then she really was horrible…

Ryoko had been watching the exchange calmly. She stood and walked over to Sango and Guinevere. Sango had a haunted expression on her face, but Guinevere seemed to be in far worse condition. Her entire body was shivering and she was hyperventilating, her eyes dim and unfocused.

"Don't, don't, don't," Guinevere repeated numbly, clenching her right hand into a fist and pounding it against the side of her head. That was the time to step in, Ryoko decided.

"Guinevere…"

"Stop it!" Sango shouted, lunging forward and grabbing Guinevere's hands. She pulled them away from her body so she couldn't hit herself anymore. Guinevere's eyes opened wide and she struggled against Sango, but Sango was larger and stronger than the dollish girl, and was able to hold her down.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" Sango muttered over and over again, tears falling from her eyes. She let go of Guinevere's hands and got off of her. Thankfully, the girl did not make any moves to continue striking herself. Her breathing began to slow to a more regulated fashion, and she sat up.

"I'm sorry, Guinevere," Sango said again. "I'm so, so sorry, I'm so useless, I… it's all my fault, I-!"

"…I don't… understand…" Guinevere murmured. "Why are you apologizing to me? Why are you crying like that? I don't understand. I was the one who hit you."

"I… I made you go through such horrible things!" Sango said. "I'm sorry, Guinevere, I didn't mean to…"

"No, Sango, you did not mean to do anything of the sort," Ryoko agreed. "There is no need to continue to beat yourself up over such an event."

"But if I… if I had just been more…"

"I don't understand," Guinevere said again. The fact that no one was explaining to her what the girl's tears meant was beginning to frustrate her.

"Sango is crying because she regrets causing you to feel pain when she touched you, and talked to you earlier. She brought trauma back up for you, so she-"

"I don't like being touched," Guinevere automatically responded. "When people touch me, it…"

She shivered.

Guinevere turned to Sango.

"When people touch me, it feels like I can't breathe. And I hit them. It's all my fault, isn't it? I can't hold it back, I need…"

She took more deep breaths, calming herself down.

"As you can clearly see," she dully continued after her long pause, "I am not what would be considered normal. I hate it when people touch me. I hate being the only one… the one that gets picked on, the only one who doesn't understand… I'm not…"

Sango frowned.

"I don't… really get it," Sango said quietly. "But I'm not mad at you for hitting me. Do you understand, Guinevere? I. Am. Not. Mad."

"Liar," Guinevere murmured.

"Guinevere, is there anything I can do to make you believe me, when I say that I'm not mad at you?" Sango asked.

Guinevere thought for a moment.

"Prove to me that you aren't lying right now."

"…Okay, how do I prove that I'm not lying?"

"I don't know."

Ryoko could tell this conversation was going nowhere.

"Sango… may I ask you something?"

"Huh? Uh, yeah, what?"

"I noticed the tears you shed over this girl. You said it was 'all your fault' and that you were 'useless'. Those words are familiar to me. Do you remember? You spoke of similar things last night, did you not?"

"…Yeah…" Sango muttered, glancing down.

"How old are you, if I may ask?"

"I'm 15," Sango said. "Since August."

"15, my, quite young," Ryoko smiled, sitting down beside her. "Far too young to hold such a burden all on your lonesome."

"No, you don't understand!" Sango shouted. "I'm a Probationary Ranger! I need to help people, it's my job! If I fail at this, then I… then I-!"

"You wish to save the Wooloo, yes? You wish to save Guinevere. You wish even to save me. To what end?"

"Lucy… she was crying…" Sango said. "And Guinevere, she-"

"Are you the only one capable of shouldering the burden of others?"

"If I don't… then who will?" Sango asked. "Lucy… she would never get her Wooloo back! She would grow up sad and alone, and-"

"It is not your responsibility to help every last person you see," Ryoko sharply replied. Her tone was cold in a way that made Sango remember just exactly who it was she was talking to.

"It is!" Sango exclaimed. "I just told you, I'm a Probationary Ranger, I-"

"You," Ryoko interrupted, narrowing her eyes, "are a child."

Sango flinched.

"Human beings make mistakes," Ryoko continued. "I have seen it countless times, in countless forms. And children like you make mistakes just as much. You try your hardest because you want to. Because you have to. But the world does not end with the tears of a single girl. She will grow up. She will move on from her pain. Will you move on from the pain of having failed her? Or will you hate yourself over it?"

"I… I don't…"

"I do not know you well, but I can see that it is your kind heart that extended a hand out to help others. It is your kindness that made you dream of being a ranger, I am sure. But here you are… only 15, and already shouldering such a heavy weight on your shoulders. A weight I am sure that few your age could begin to bear. Take it from someone who bears far heavier a burden than you could ever know… carrying such a weight before you are ready will drag you down into despair."

"But…" Sango wanted to cry. She… she wasn't a child, she was… "What… should I do?"

"Trust me when I say that time is a long and weary road," Ryoko smiled. "You will get there. When you are ready to bear that burden. But you still have much to learn, young ranger. Do not be in such a hurry to grow up."

Sango frowned. Her father had been trying to tell her the same thing. She had wanted to help people… she really, truly did. She was the youngest student to pass the Probationary Ranger Licensing Exam. A top ranger herself had acknowledged her abilities! But…

It may have been due to unforeseen circumstances.

But Ryoko was right.

She wasn't ready to be a ranger. Not yet.

Sango wiped the tears from her eyes.

"I think… I ran too far too fast," Sango said. "Marion tried warn me, I think. A while back… she asked me what it was I really wanted to do. I was so caught up in the end goal of being a ranger and helping people… I forgot to see myself. I forgot to just be Sango, you know?"

Sango laughed.

"I have a dear friend… her name is Cynthia. She and I… we're alike in a lot of ways. She's so full of energy and life, always doing new things, always running headfirst into situations and dragging others along for the ride. I used to be the same way, always filled with energy and ready to do new things. Unable to stay focused for very long, dragging people off to do things… that's why she's my best friend. But…"

Tears began to fall again, but they weren't tears of regret this time.

"But I felt there wasn't room for two of us. Cynthia was so much better at being herself than I was… I was just a little too late. Maybe… maybe if I had met Blake first, instead of her… maybe then, I could be where she is now. But another Cynthia would have been too crowded… so I threw myself into my classwork… chasing my dream… but… is it… I still want…"

Sango broke down sobbing into Ryoko's arms.

"Can I still be me? I'm not ready to be a ranger yet… so can't I just be me? Can I really… not have to worry about all of this? Can't I please… just run forward with a smile on my face?"

"…I do not know," Ryoko said, calmly stroking Sango's hair. "For I do not know you yet, not as you may know me."

Ryoko tilted Sango's head to look her in the eye.

"But I do know that your future is yours to make. No one has any right to tell you who you deserve to be. If this Cynthia of yours were to hear that you shut yourself down for her sake… would she be happy that you chose not to 'step on her toes' as the saying goes? Be glad that there was no one drawing away attention from her, even though it hurt you? If so, then she does not deserve your consideration in the slightest."

"No, no, she would never-"

"Then there is no problem, is there?" Ryoko asked, silencing Sango with a finger to her lips. She smiled. "I am sure that she would be overjoyed to see you smile from the heart, and take everyone out to do something you want to do, show them something you want to show them. A true friendship is a beautiful thing, Sango. Believe me when I tell you this."

Ryoko glanced away at Sango and smiled a distant smile, reminiscing about people and places (and times!) that Sango could not begin to guess.

"I have made a great many friends in my travels. Friends who I have known for ages, and yet it is the first time they see me. Friends like you, who have known me before, and yet this is the first time I have met you. Through all of them, though, I have learned a valuable lesson. That as powerful as I may be… not even I can control time at a whim."

Ryoko turned back to Sango and gave her a sympathetic smile.

"The time humans have on this earth is a finite one. The time we have with one another, even more so. I know this better than any other person could." Ryoko reached into her breast pocket and withdrew an old, folded black and white photo that Sango had seen before. The photo with the man who looked like Blake.

"This is my beloved," Ryoko explained, her voice carrying a tone of longing. "Kinishichiro. My husband."

Sango coughed. That was new information. She knew he was precious to Ryoko, but…"

"But… you're so young!" Sango gasped.

"Well of course," Ryoko giggled. "Why, we have barely been married for a year. Or I should say… I remember marrying him only ten months ago. But in that time… I have met him in various points in our life. Even at our wedding… I feared that I would have to call an early end to things due to my troublesome friend."

Ryoko glanced away from her picture and back at Sango. Her golden eyes were wet with tears of nostalgia.

"But in this time, he has been dead for many years," Ryoko whispered. Sango gulped.

"It is the same with each person. I know not when I will see them again. Will I next see my husband as an old man, on his death bed? As a child, before he even met me? Or will I…" Her voice got choked up and she began to tremble, holding a hand over her stomach.

"Because our time was always limited… we had to make the most of our moments together. I was quite… a terrible wife. And yet even so, I still saw him, mere weeks ago… on his deathbed. I threw myself at him in apology… And do you know what it is my dear husband said to me?"

Ryoko smiled through her tears, her face shining with joy in a way that made Sango envious.

"He told me he had lived a life unlike any he had ever expected. That he fell for a woman who was more of a mystery than any ever could hope to be, and yet she still saw fit to let him into her life, and love her. He told me that although our moments together were always interrupted, in the time he had lived we had shared a lifetime together. He told me… *sniff* h-he told me… he told me…" Ryoko wiped her nose on her sleeve as she sobbed.

"He told me… that he was sorry he could not say more about our time together. That I would go on to share so many precious moments with him, moments he would treasure in his heart, and that he could not bear to ruin them for me by sharing them, for I had yet to experience them for myself. He said he was happy he had gotten to share a lifetime with me… he envied me, for all those moments we had shared were still ahead of me… and that he hoped I would treasure them as they came…! Even though… even though I was a terrible wife… a woman who could not even give him the child he wanted… the family he dreamed of, due to my circumstances. But he never once blamed me… he said that the life we had shared… it… it was more than enough…"

Ryoko had stopped trying to comfort Sango long ago. She had been swallowed by her own feelings now, and it was Sango's turn to repay her the favor. Sango reached out and hugged Ryoko tightly, the small thing sobbing into Sango's shoulder.

Ryoko's tears soon dried, and she parted from Sango, granting her a smile that belied her youthful face.

"I hope that you will work from now on… to make every moment you share with your friends precious."

Sango nodded, smiling.

"I… I will. I'll try… not to have any regrets." As she spoke, Sango remembered Blake, and her feelings for him, and her expression grew troubled in a way that did not go unnoticed by Ryoko.

"Except?" Ryoko asked, narrowing her eyes.

"No, no, it's nothing, just…" Sango looked away, flustered. "Er, um…"

"Tell me!" Ryoko's tone was insistent.

"Cynthia and Blake? I have heard a lot about them!"

Ryoko's voice from the month before echoed in Sango's brain, and she felt a little irritated. Fucking time travel.

"It's… there's this guy, Blake," Sango sighed. "I've known him for only a few months… but I'm in love with him. Or, I mean… I really think I am. I care about him so deeply, but I've never really likes a guy before, and I mean…"

Sango got flustered.

"Quite adorable," Ryoko laughed. "If you have feelings for this boy, then why do you not tell him?"

"…Well, I mean… I don't know… if I should…" Sango said, hanging her head down in shame. "I… I really, really like him… but I'm… I'm not the only one. There are other girls… that love him. And I… I just end up comparing myself to them… and coming up short. And when I do, I start wondering, like, is it a bother, like, I mean, he doesn't even have any interest in dating, you know? And I mean…"

Sango's face was bright red.

"Wh-why are we talking about Blake, anyway?!" Sango exclaimed, flustered. "This isn't the time or place for that! We're prisoners!"

"What else should we do?" Ryoko laughed. "We have nothing else to capture our attention while we are here. So we may as well occupy our time with such amusing discussions, should we not?"

Sango fumed, her face bright red.

"Now tell me, Sango, are you ever going to tell this boy, Blake, that you like him?"

"Well, I mean, eventually, I… I mean…"

"Did you not hear me? Your time is finite, Sango. You must make the most of it. You have no idea what awaits you in Kanto, when this ship stops. If your life were to end here… would you not regret having failed to tell that boy how you feel?"

"…Of course I would…" Sango murmured, lowering her head. "But… it's not that simple."

"Why is it not that simple?"

"I have another friend, her name is Ayame… she loves Blake. I've known him longer, but she… she's putting everything she has into pursuing him. And not only that… she honestly cares for him, I can see it. She wants him to be happy. Whenever she sees him smile, her face just lights up with joy. She's always talking about him, thinking of things she can do for him… compared to her…"

Sango felt insignificant and worthless. Before, she at least held pride in her abilities as a ranger. But now that she was learning how unprepared she really was… what did she have left to offer him?

"I… I learned some bad things about his history," Sango said, shaking her head. "He… I need to talk with him, a real, long talk. But it frightens me. I don't want to hurt him, so I'm afraid to tell him that I know. But not saying anything would hurt more. But I just can't help but imagine… Ayame would do it so much better. And Elaina… Ayame is so handsome, beautiful, really, and so caring. And Blake is so protective of Elaina, and her body is so…"

She sighed.

"Compared to them, I'm just… normal."

Ryoko frowned.

"Normal people cannot fall in love? Normal people are not deserving of happiness?"

"That's not what I-"

"Before I was chosen by Celebi… I was a normal girl with nothing special. Even younger than you. Even now, I am still that normal girl. My life is a little less balanced, my abilities are a little different than the standard… but at my core, who I am… that has not changed."

Ryoko placed a hand on Sango's breast, and smiled.

"Who you are is who you are. There is nothing more normal than being who you are. And if someone is worthy of your love, then they will love you not because of how 'special' you are. But because of how normal you are."

Sango blinked, and nodded.

"If you do not want to fight for this Blake… then could it be that you do not love him as strongly as you think?"

Sango shook her head in protest.

"No, no, that's not it at all! I-I even carry a picture of him in my pocket, see?!" Sango took out her wallet (it was empty now, because Team Rocket was just that sort of petty) and took Blake's picture out to show it to her.

"I'm totally head over heels! Believe me!" Sango cried, being more honest with these two girls that barely knew her than she could have been with her friends. It felt relieving, coming clean like that. Like she was a step closer to her old, energetic and straightforward self.

Ryoko blinked, staring at the picture with wide eyes.

"This… is Blake?" Ryoko asked, her eyes starting to tear up. "It… it cannot be…"

She was crying, but smiling, cradling the picture like it was something precious.

"Kinishichiro-san…"

She blinked, and regained her composure, wiping her tears.

"No, no, it is not possible. Never you mind it, dear girl. But still… I must say it is an amazing likeness. What do you think, Guinevere?"

Ryoko turned to Guinevere, who had been quietly observing the conversation, but not really following it.

"What do I think of what?"

Ryoko showed the two photos to Guinevere.

"Do the men in these photographs not look identical?"

Guinevere looked first at Kinishichiro-san's picture, and then at Blake's.

"Coincidental?" Guinevere pondered. "That must be quite a common face."

"Maybe so, maybe so," Ryoko laughed, returning Sango's photograph to her. "Either way, Sango, as you said, you do deeply love Blake, do you not? So you must confess to him. Think of it as the first step on your way to being a more bright and open person."

"I… but you just don't get it," Sango sighed. "I… I really love Blake. And because of that… I don't know if it would be right to tell him. I… I mean, I want to tell him, but…"

Sango sighed, and spoke the words she was always too fearful to confront.

"But I think Ayame is a better fit for him than me. She… I think she could make him far happier than I ever could."

Ryoko blinked.

"Ryoko, you have a husband, or, you did… still do? I don't really get it… but that means you know what it's like to love someone else. And want them to be happy. And Guinevere, I don't know if you actually have anyone you love, but if you did-"

"I do," Guinevere interjected, much to Sango's surprise.

"…Wait, what?"

"You asked me if I have someone I love, yes?" Guinevere asked, a small smile on her face. Her cheeks were pink. "I do. He is the dearest sort in the world… a kind soul who protects me from all the mean people in the world who would try to hurt me… he understands me in a way that people just can't."

Sango blinked. This girl was younger than her, and yet she could say stuff like that with a straight face? What fairy tale did she crawl out of, anyway?

"Well then you get it!" Sango said. "Imagine if there was someone else out there, someone who was a better match for that guy than you. Don't you want to make him happy? Don't you want to see his smiling face every day? That… that's how much I love Blake! I want to make him happy… even if… even if I can't be the one to do it."

Guinevere blinked, staring at Sango. Her gaze sharpened and her thin lips curved into a stern frown.

"No, sorry, I don't understand," she said coldly, the ice in her voice sending a chill down Sango's spine.

"Wh-what?"

"You told me to imagine that there was someone else who loved him more. Well that is not possible. I know that my love is stronger than anyone else's could ever be. I am the best fit for him. No one else. If anyone tried to destroy our love, then I would put a stop to it. My happiness is his happiness, and his happiness is my happiness. Neither one of us could ever be happy without the other by our side. I do not understand people very well… so maybe my thinking is wrong… but I don't understand how you can give up on your love so easily."

Sango winced. The words were far harsher than she ever expected could have come from the frail girl.

"Sango… if you really think that this Ayame girl is a better fit for Blake than you, than there is nothing wrong with stepping aside and allowing them to be happy. But if you do not… if you think that you honestly can make Blake happy… then once again, I ask you to not fear 'taking the place of someone else' the way you did with your friend Cynthia. You have every right to put yourself out there, do you not?"

Sango looked down at the photo of Blake in her hands.

"I… I want to be with Blake. I don't… it's not just that I want him to be happy. I want… I want to be the one who puts the smile on his face. I want him to be happy because he's looking at me. I want him… I want Blake to fall in love with me."

Sango looked up at Ryoko, her expression troubled.

"Is… is that… selfish of me?"

"Oh, you sweet little girl…" Ryoko murmured, shaking her head and pulling Sango in close for a hug. "That does not sound selfish in the slightest."

Sango began crying again. It had been a day for that sort of thing, and the day was just getting started.

"It is decided, then," Ryoko said, letting go of Sango and rising to her feet. "You will confess your feelings! When you are free from this place, you will go to him and tell him how you feel!"

"Uh, yeah, that's…" Sango felt an ominous chill run across her flesh. Now I feel like my chances of survival just shot way down…


Don't worry, Sango. It's not that kind of series.

Well, not yet anyway.