September 1, 1999
I feel like it's over. I had sex with Jake a week ago and now I feel like I'll never see him again. I feel so empty. It's ridiculous. I have so many other things in my life but just the thought of not having in my life makes me sick.
I don't want anything major. I just want him in my life. I don't want to see him all the time or always worry about where he is. I just want to know that he'll be there. I feel so disgusting. What if my first time is my only time with him? I'll die.
Last time I talked to him we left things on a good note, but still I've been so worried and confused and empty. I say I want something simple and then I sit here writing about how empty I feel. My version of simple is that our 'relationship' will not be serious- we won't see each other all the time, we won't be tied down. But I think Quil was trying to tell me that Jake is still fixated on Leah. They only broke up six weeks ago. If he really loved her, he of course wouldn't be over her yet. That doesn't mean he can't begin to get on with his life. I just want him.
