September 21, 1999

I've had sex with Jake three times. I'm not at all worried that I won't see him again. The only thing I'm slightly worried about is that I'm just his fuck friend. The last two Friday nights, he's called me. I've gone over there, had sex then left. I'm worried that we're going to fall into a pattern of having sex and that's it. We haven't even gone out on a date. I'm so confused. I don't want to push him into anything he doesn't want to do. I like him so much. As pathetic as it is, I'm happy to have him anyway at all.

~~My Embarrassing Diary~~

Even then I knew I was pathetic. But that didn't stop me. Every entry makes me want to go back in time and stop myself. I'll try not to have this disclaimer with every entry. Just know I'm cringing and as angry with this dumb kid as much as you are.