November 10, 1999
I ache inside. My heart is broken. I told Jake I would like to see him more and apparently he decided he doesn't want to see me at all. Of course he didn't come out and say it. He just left me hanging. It's been almost three weeks. I should be so mad and say that I never want to see him again.
I'm furious with him, but I also know that if he called me, I'd go running to be with him. I love him so much and I don't even know why. We've only had good times together. The only times I get upset is when I don't hear from him. It's not like he treats me badly.
I guess I just need to realize that he doesn't care about me. It's not gonna happen. Our relationship is not going to progress because it's over. That kills me, but I have to face it.
He changed my life. I'll never forget him as long as I live, but I can't let him use me anymore. It's not fair. I really do deserve better. Someday, maybe soon, I'll find someone who will be what I've always wanted. I had high hopes for me and Jake, but I'm not stranger to disappointment.
The thing that is really hard is that I'm flooded with all kinds of happy memories that we've had together. There were a lot. We had three months. But I guess all the good times and all the times I thought he cared, it just doesn't matter. He doesn't care so I have to let it go.
