Dating…you go on so many dates hoping you'll find the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with. It's feels like a carousel that never stops turning. One day, it will hopefully stop and you can get off with the person of your dreams. Will I ever find that person? Will that person accept me for who I am? Love me as I am?

Derek Shepard, neurosurgeon. He's dreamy and when he looks at me, I melt. Could he be the one? Is he the one to make the carousel stop turning?

I've been dating Derek for a few months now and things have been good. He loves me for who I am. He knows that I am bisexual and that I hooked up with a girl friend in university. I have always found women attractive, but this experience made me realize that I want to do it again. Thankfully, he is supportive of this and while he hopes that he will be able to explore with me, he will be ok if he's not there.

Derek and I work together at Grey-Sloan Memorial. He is a neuro attending and I am a general surgery resident. We have lots of friends who work with us. Derek has been at Grey-Sloan longer than I have, so he knows some of the attendings I don't. "I need to introduce you to some friends Meredith," Derek says. "This is Mark Sloan and Addison Montgomery." "Hi, it's nice to meet Derek's friends," I say. "What departments do you work in?" Mark grins "I'm in plastics." Addison says "ignore my boyfriend, he automatically assumes that everyone should know he's in plastics given his chiseled face. I'm in OB – a neonatal surgeon. You're a general surgery resident, right? Derek may have mentioned it in passing in one of the thousand times he was talking about you," she says chuckling. I laugh, "Yes." Before we can say anything further, Addison's pager goes off and she needs to leave. Mark leaves too and I turn to Derek, "They seem nice. I look forward to getting to know them better, Addison is very attractive." He gives me his McDreamy smile, "I thought you might notice that."

A few hours later, my best friend Cristina, a cardio resident and I head to the cafeteria to meet Derek and grab lunch. He's sitting with Mark and Addison. As we sit down, they are all laughing. "What's so funny?" I ask. "We are laughing about the time Derek and Mark shaved their heads in med school. I've never seen two people look so bad in my life," Addison says as tears roll down her face. "I didn't realize you've known each other for that long," I say. Mark smiles, "Derek and I have been friends since we were boys and we met Addison in med school. We were inseparable. The three musketeers!" "That's wonderful! I don't have any friends left from med school, but my best friends are all here from my intern year." I point to Cristina "and then there's Alex, Izzie and George, I'm sure you've had them all on your service," I say.

The next day, Izzie asks me if we could throw a party on Friday night. Just to let loose and blow off some steam. I agree and we get the word around at work.

"Hey Derek, my friends and I are throwing a party at my place on Friday night. If you don't have any plans, come by and bring your friends," I say. "Sounds good. I'll see who's around and not on call and come by around 8."

Friday night rolls around and the party is in full swing. Derek shows up with Mark and Addison. I invite them in and show them where they can get a drink. As the night carries on, a bunch of us end up in the living room, telling stories about med school. Mark is telling a story about how Derek and Addison were caught having sex in the library on campus. Everyone is laughing but me. They had sex?! Cristina notices my face and asks the question she knows I'm thinking. "Why would you have sex? Especially in the library? Were you trying to hide from someone?" Addison looks over at her, "no, no reason to hide. We were dating. We were trying to spice things up." "Oh, so you two dated? For how long?" Cristina asks nonchalantly, as she watches my face go through a series of emotions. "It was about two and a half years. We realized we weren't right for each other. We stopped talking to each other but over time we became friends again. It took us a long time to get to this point," Addison explains.

I walk away from the crowd to get a drink. Derek comes up behind me and pulls me into a hug. I stiffen up at his touch. "Meredith, are you ok?" I turn to look at him. "I'm not. I feel like a fool. You didn't tell me that you and Addison had dated, let alone for so long. Why didn't you tell me?" "Honestly, I don't think of her as my ex-girlfriend anymore. She's my friend and nothing else. She's moved on with Mark and I'm with you." My face clearly shows I'm not convinced. I don't know what to make of this. "I need you and your friends to leave. I need time to think about how I feel about this." "Are you serious Meredith?" I nod, "I am. Please get them and leave my house." I watch as Derek gets Addison and Mark, tells them they have to leave and walk out together. As they are leaving, Addison looks back with a sad smile on her face.

Once they've left, Cristina comes up to my room. "Are you ok?" The tears are rolling down my face. "I don't know. Why didn't he tell me? I feel like a fool. I don't know what to think!" Cristina sits next to me. "I don't know what to tell you Mer. They seem like they are good friends and that's it. She really seems like she's into Mark." Before I can reply, Izzie and a couple of other people come into the room. "Mer, are you ok? I can't believe that jerk would bring his ex-girlfriend to your house. Seriously!" The others nod along with her. Shit, they are right. What a jerk. I can't believe he would do that. Now I need to see them at work tomorrow. "Thanks for being there for me guys, but I think I'm just going to head to bed."