In this chapter, we get the long-awaited confrontation between Sango and Ayame! It may not go as expected, or as anyone really wanted, but it is definitely a talk that needed to happen at some point.
As for the Best Girl nominations, still going strong. Anyone else left to add?
Currently Nominated: Sango, Cynthia, Elaina, Kate, Dakota, Ayame, Marion, Kitty, Serefina, Madison
KedharS: Sadly true.
Just a Bad Writer for Fun: Not sure how "wild" it will be, but it's certainly going to be important.
Pokemon Academy: Beginning of Beginnings
Chapter 202
"Look, Sango, I know I said this would be my treat, but…" Ayame's face was pale as she looked across the café table at the mountain of scones and breakfast sandwiches Sango was devouring.
"…This is a little excessive, don't you think?"
"Sorry, I need breakfast!" Sango swallowed, wiping her lips with a napkin. She sat up and looked across the table at Ayame. Compared to when she'd last seen the girl, hooked up to a machine in a hospital, she was looking much better. The color had returned to her cheeks, and she no longer looked like she was struggling to smile. Instead, her cool, confident grin was aimed in Sango's direction, brightening the table and drawing shy glances from other girls in the coffee shop.
"So what did you want to talk about?" Ayame asked. She already had a good idea of what Sango was going to say. "You can tell me anything, Sango. You know that."
Even if I told you that I was in love with the same boy that you are? Sango asked in her mind. Or told you that he wasn't interested in dating either of us?
No, those thoughts were products of her bitterness. Sango pushed them aside.
"Remember when I told you that I learned something about that guy I liked?" Sango asked slowly.
Ayame nodded her head. Of course she remembered.
"I… like you told me, I talked with him about it," Sango said.
"How did it go?"
"I… You were right. I was really an idiot. I was worried for nothing. He… he still wants to be my friend, and treat it like nothing's changed." Sango laughed, her tone distant and filled with self-reproach. She shook her head and looked down into her cup. She couldn't even meet Ayame's gaze.
At the same time, Ayame was watching Sango with a serene look, concealing the relief she was feeling. Silly girl. Of course Blake wouldn't end things over something like that. I might not know what this secret is… but I can see that Blake isn't the kind of person to abandon a friend for an accident.
"So what now?" Ayame asked. "Are you going to tell him how you feel?" And stand on the same level with me?
Sango smiled sadly, glancing up at Ayame. She shook her head.
"I think… I won't."
That caused Ayame's façade to crack slightly.
"Why not?" Ayame asked.
"If I asked him now… I'm sure I would get rejected," Sango said. "During my practicum, after we talked… I went through quite a lot of things. I had resolved to tell him how I felt… but I also realized… so much of my life was spent focused on the destination, and getting where I wanted to go… that I didn't have a chance to really stand back and appreciate the road itself."
Ayame understood completely. It was just like when she was so focused on the end result of her running times that she had completely forgotten to enjoy running in and of itself. She smiled. Blake had been the one to break her free of that mindset… and hopefully she could do the same of Sango. Ayame opened her mouth to speak, but Sango continued before she could get a word in.
"Yes, I do want him to like me," Sango clarified. "So it isn't that I'm giving up on my feelings. But… I'm not in his heart. So I'm going to treasure these feelings. Right now… he needs me at his side as a friend. So I'm going to be there for him. As a friend."
Well, that was some fucking bullshit. Ayame could tell. Sango looked way too fucking broken-hearted to be "cool" with staying by Blake's side as a friend.
"Cut the shit," Ayame growled. Sango flinched at her harsh words, wilting slightly.
Ayame rose from her seat, glaring down at Sango. Even though Sango knew the older girl was far from recovered, and could probably go down in a single hit, she still managed to intimidate Sango out of sheer force of her presence.
"I didn't come here to listen to you justify yourself when you're fucking running away," Ayame snarled. "I can see that you don't want this at all. You're just telling yourself it's what you want, because you're too afraid to go through with what you actually want."
"That's… of course I'm scared!" Sango cried. "But even so… I need to be there for him! Not as a girlfriend, but as a friend!"
Ayame sighed, shaking her head. She pinched the bridge of her nose. She leaned in at Sango, towering over the seated girl, and jammed her finger in Sango's face.
"When I told Blake how I felt… I knew full well that I had the chance of ruining our relationship. That I could never… smile the same way with him, share the same laughs with him. There was a fear that, if I were to be rejected, I would ruin something that I held so dear. But even with that fear… I knew that I wanted something more from him. That I wanted to be with him as more than just a friend. So I took that chance. And it wasn't the best outcome, certainly, but I don't regret it for a moment."
Sango stared in Ayame's resolute eyes. If Ayame knew what she knew… that any day now, Blake would cut things off clearly and break her heart for certain… would she still be saying those words? Probably. But Sango wasn't Ayame. She didn't have Ayame's strength.
"It's not the same…" Sango whispered.
"Why not?" Ayame asked.
"Because you… you still had a tiny shard of hope left," Sango replied, the pain in her chest turning to venom on her tongue. "A belief that there was something to gain, that you could be with him! That was what drove you forward! But… but I… I don't have anything like that."
Ayame backed off, a little shaken by the vitriol in Sango's words. She knew that Sango was talking about Blake, but Sango didn't know that she knew. But… wasn't it too soon to give up hope? No, Sango hadn't talked about giving up. She'd said the opposite, in fact, that she wasn't going to give up. So why was she acting like it was the end of the world? Because Blake had said he wasn't able to date someone "right now?" Sango had another 4 years with him. Ayame was the one running out of time, the one with the dubious chance of turning Blake's gaze towards her before she left for good. So why was Sango the one so ready to give up her feelings?
She's afraid, Ayame realized. She can't be honest about how she feels unless there's a chance her feelings will be returned. If Blake… if he was ready to date someone… she might not be having this conversation. She probably would have confessed already. But now… it seems she really is content with him never knowing about her feelings. Even though she risks losing him to me, or even someone else able to turn his eye. She might think that the preferable alternative to her feelings being a useless burden on him, when he isn't ready to reciprocate.
A smile broke out over Ayame's harsh scowl.
In a way… that's a strength even stronger than mine. Being willing to risk grief and regret over the chance of hurting a friend.
"Not bad, Sango," Ayame murmured, returning to her seat. It was a little too late for comfort, the outburst from the statuesque and brash Ayame having caught the attention of everyone in the room already. All eyes were on them, much to Ayame's apathy and Sango's utter embarrassment. But Sango didn't let that stop her. In spite of Ayame's earlier condemnation of her, she still sympathized with the unknown plight the tall girl found herself in. Coupled with what had happened to her, and the break she'd been forced to take from running in her final year here, Sango still wanted to cushion the blow of what was to come as much as she could.
"Ayame… it wasn't only because of my love life that I wanted to talk to you today," Sango said, choosing her words slowly in order to divert the topic. Or obfuscate it, more specifically, not wanting to reveal either her feelings towards Blake, or the greater issue of Blake's rejection of Ayame.
"Oh? I apologize for my outburst. It must have put us in quite an uncomfortable situation," Ayame apologized. She didn't really regret it, not entirely. What she'd said had needed to be said, Sango had to hear it. She did feel bad for the volume and anger with which she'd said it, but the words themselves were necessary.
"It's fine, it's fine," Sango said, shaking her head. It wasn't Ayame's fault. She didn't know what Sango knew. She didn't even know that Sango had been talking about Blake, and not some other, unrelated boy who wouldn't have mattered to Ayame in the slightest. Ayame was only that passionate because she cared about Sango, anyhow.
And here I am, lying to her.
Sango prayed that a day would come when she could tell Ayame the truth. Tell her everything. The girl deserved it so, so much, and before the events with Blake the night before, she had intended to. But today was not that day. That day was a long, long time away from now. Now… now her words would cause only more pain and frustration for the both of them.
"So what is it you wanted to talk about?" Ayame asked. She'd expected that Sango was planning to tell her the truth, that it was Blake who she liked, to steer the conversation into a more honest and open forum, but if it wasn't related to her love life, then-
"I want you to stay away from Blake," Sango said. Ayame's face darkened. That had not been what she'd expected to hear. Not in the slightest. If Sango was saying what she thought she was saying, Ayame's respect for her had dropped way down. She was too afraid to confront her feelings for Blake, so she was asking Ayame to hold back for her sake? And not only that, she didn't even have the courage to come clean with Ayame about how she actually felt about him, and she was still expecting that? Was she serious right now?
"W-wait, wait, that came out wrong," Sango said, shaking her head. "I didn't mean that I wanted you to stay away from him altogether! Just… just for a little while, okay?"
Now Ayame was confused.
"What are you talking about?" Ayame asked, frowning. "Why do you want me to stay away from him?"
"Right now…" Sango inhaled, and let out a sigh. She was going to have to put this very carefully. "Blake is troubled. And more importantly… his birthday is coming up soon. In less than two weeks. It's on the 11th."
Ayame nodded. She'd been looking forward to celebrating Blake's birthday with him since he'd told her about it.
"And?" Ayame asked, still not entirely sure what Sango was asking from her.
"I don't think Blake wants some big celebration," Sango continued. "If he did, I might have spoken with Olivia. But… we still wanted to do something with him, to celebrate. Throw a party, a really small party. To celebrate, because Blake's a very important friend for us. And I want your help with it. Because you're…"
It hurt Sango to say, but she knew it was true.
"You're one of the people that Blake cares about the most," Sango explained. "So I'm sure he wants you there, to celebrate with him."
Ayame certainly wanted that.
"Blake told me… that his birthday has a lot of meaning for him," Ayame said. "He used to celebrate it with his sister, but this year he's going to be on his own. So I think… he's really worrying and feeling apprehensive about celebrating his birthday."
"So you do get it," Sango said, sighing in relief. "I don't want to stress him out any further, you know? So… will you help me make this a very special day for him, Ayame?"
Ayame nodded. She understood completely. But there was still something that wasn't adding up for her.
"So why do you want me to stay away from him?" Ayame asked. "I definitely want to celebrate his birthday with him, absolutely, but why do I need to keep away until then?"
Because if you see him, he'll break your heart. And you won't be able to smile at his side when he needs you to, after that.
But of course she couldn't tell Ayame that. So she did something that made her sick, something she'd been doing far too much of recently. She piled another convenient lie on top of the last.
"You may have heard… but Blake's family is currently putting a lot of pressure on him about his relationship with his fiancé."
It wasn't technically a lie. She'd heard as much from Claire. But it wasn't the truth, and that made her want to cry.
Ayame winced. She'd been there that day when Blake first heard the news, when he'd told her that his family was forcing him into an engagement with Alcea Vermeil. The two of them had laughed it off that day, and the topic hadn't been brought up since. But it seemed that it must be a much more important matter than she'd thought. Of course it was. It was just like Blake to downplay something so serious, for her sake. Fucking selfless little… she didn't want him to baby her, to treat her with kid gloves. She wanted to walk by his side, hand in hand, sharing in the hard times when they came.
"So he doesn't want me around anymore…" Ayame murmured. Sango shook her head.
"It's not about him. I… I was the one who thought of it. Blake… he may not feel about you that way yet… but he's considerate of how you feel about him. And your presence in his life… I think it's causing him more confusion than he's letting on. He's trying to balance your feelings, and the feelings with his family. I don't think that he's planning to marry Alcea… but I do know it's a choice he has to make for himself. And your presence complicates matters. So please… even if it's just until his birthday… if he doesn't work things out with his family by then, then I won't ask anything else, you can do what you like after that."
Sango was a few sentences away from bursting out crying. But she had to say the last part.
"Please… don't misunderstand me. I don't want to say this, and I don't want to hurt you. I know you're a fighter, so you can ignore me if you want. Blake hasn't actually… told me anything at all. These are just… my feelings. My own worry for him. I just wanted to tell you. So you would know."
It was a masterful piece of manipulation, if Sango had anything to say on the topic. She hated herself just a little bit more, now.
Meanwhile, Ayame considered Sango's words with apprehension. She could see the pain on her face. No, agony was a better word. It made a lot more sense now why Sango was holding back from confessing to Blake. Ayame didn't want to stay away from him, she was finally back at school, and hadn't even gotten to see him yet. Ever since that night at the party, Blake had been ghosting her. She'd brought it up to Olivia, and Olivia had only cryptically told her that Blake was thinking about something important, but she and Ayame should trust him to come to the right conclusion.
"…Alright then," Ayame sighed. "I'll give him some space. But only until his birthday! Understood?"
Sango felt like she had swallowed mud. Ayame was going to do it. How could Sango be such a horrid person, to do something so cruel to such an honest and kind person? Ayame had tried to support her, and here Sango was, stabbing her in the back. It made her want to hurl.
They worked out the details of what they would do for the party, and parted ways. Neither one was particularly happy about what had transpired. Sango out of guilt, Ayame out of a feeling of discomfort, like she should be talking to Blake but at the same time she couldn't. So she went to the only person who she could go to for stuff like this.
"Give Blake some space until his birthday?" Olivia asked, surprised. She was busy arranging her new outfits in her closet, which meant she had a lot of time on her hands but wasn't paying that close of attention to Ayame, her focus more aimed at the clothes. Ayame had explained to her everything that happened. Like Ayame, Olivia was no fool, knowing full well just how Sango felt about Blake.
I see… so that girl's quite the little liar, isn't she? Olivia frowned. Blake wasn't ghosting Ayame out of some sense of filial piety. It was because of what she'd talked to him about. But from Sango's response… it seemed like he'd made his decision. And now here Sango was, trying to salve the pain Ayame would feel. That act of kindness towards her dear friend almost made up for the fact that there was a party being held on campus that Olivia was not invited to. Well, since you're being so nice to Aya, I'll keep your lie, then.
"Yeah, so… I was thinking, that since I won't be able to see him for a little while… I should really get him something nice for his birthday, you know?" Ayame asked, smiling shyly. Olivia nodded. Made sense.
"And what were you thinking of getting him?"
"…I don't know," Ayame said, sighing. "I don't know what sort of gift you give to someone you like, you know? I haven't really… ever been in this situation before, so…"
Olivia rolled her eyes. Fucking virgin…
"Maybe a nice jacket? Or buy him a phone case? Or maybe some running shoes? Or…"
"Ayame," Olivia interrupted Ayame's tangent, the tall girl turning her attention back to her friend.
"Yeah, boss?" Ayame asked.
"I think you're overthinking things," Olivia said, giving her a kind smile. She didn't want Ayame to hurt any more than she would… but at the same time, she knew that this was really meaningful for Ayame. She wanted to give Ayame the best advice she could.
"What do you mean?" Ayame asked, confused.
"Blake cares quite deeply for you," Olivia said. "He'll love whatever it is you give him, I'm certain of that. As long as it is something meaningful for both of you, something that comes from the heart. Remember that Wooloo of yours? The one Blake gave to you on your first date?"
Of course she did. She treasured that adorable thing, it was the most favorite of all her stuffed animals, and she cuddled with it in bed every night.
"Blaiwooluu? What about him?"
"It's like any other stuffed animal, but it was the thought behind it that makes it important to you, isn't that right?"
It was her memento from her first date with the boy she liked. Blake had showed up late just to win it for her, because he knew she liked them and wanted to see her smile. Of course it was her treasure.
"Of course."
"That's what a truly meaningful gift is, Aya. Just like that Wooloo, or the ribbon in your hair, they were gifts from people who thought of you and your happiness. So why not think about what you can do for Blake? What can you give him, that no one else can? What is something meaningful, that only you can do, to put a smile on his face? When you figure that out, then you'll know what present you should get him. Isn't that so?"
Olivia shrugged, turning away from Ayame to resume her clothing arrangement.
"That's all the help I can give you, Aya. A present must come from your heart. Everything else… it's up to you."
Ayame was left with her thoughts. She still didn't really have a clue… but an image was starting to form.
Something only I can do for him… what can I give him, that no one else can? Something meaningful, that can make him appreciate his birthday, and be happy to be celebrating it with all of us?
Thinking of the perfect gift took the rest of the day. Hell, it took her the whole night to think up something. The painkillers she was taking for her mending ribs made her fall into a messy, dreamless sleep, but when she woke up the next morning a concrete plan had formed in her head. Blake, on his way towards the Dragon Valley, was greeted with the following text soon after.
Blake. It's Ayame. I'm back! I know you've been busy, recently, or more likely, ghosting me. Don't worry, we're cool. I know you're dealing with some hard stuff and I might complicate matters, so I'll give you your space. But at least… please, let's meet up on your birthday, okay? November 11th. I can't take your sister's place, and I know your party is planned for that night as well, but before that… I have something important to talk to you about. Meet me at 9 that morning, in front of the Blastoise Fountain. Don't be late! I'll see you then, okay?
Love, Ayame
So what will Ayame have in store for Blake on his birthday? What's the perfect present she found for him? We'll just have to see what surprises Blake's birthday will have in store!
