When your blood type is B, people tend to tease you a little, Naruto found.
Since the Academy days, he'd observed that a lot of people believed in those blood type personality things that would pop up in those magazines that the older kids would buy. Also back in the Academy days, he'd receive scoldings almost every other hour, just like clockwork.
"Naruto, sit down, you're disturbing your classmates. Can't you be a bit less noisy?"
"Naruto, what is with you and your assignments? I told you to use the cherry method when calculating the ratio of kunai to shuriken. Oh, and don't doodle on your homework again or I'll mark you down."
"NARUTO, THAT IS NOT HOW YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO USE SCISSORS."
Oh well. It was typical childhood scolding. It had happened to a million kids before Naruto, and it would happen to a million kids after Naruto. But then, one day, Mizuki-sensei had looked down at his clipboard, a clipboard which held everyone's Academy registration files. He flipped to Naruto's file, simpered, and said, "Oh, Iruka-sensei, he can't help it. His blood type is B, after all. You know how they're like."
The entire class turned to face him, and little titters broke out in the room like buzzing bees.
"He he, figures. Naruto would be a type B."
"It's like my nee-san said the other day, those guys tend to be...out there."
"'Out there?' You mean they're uncooperative, selfish lunatics, right?"
"Well...they can be...tough to handle."
And then Iruka-sensei's face turned a fascinating eggplant purple. He slammed his eraser onto the chalkboard, making everyone jump. "That's it! Anyone who talks will get assigned to room cleaning duty for the next week with no help from your classmates!"
The class quieted at lightning speed. Iruka-sensei was terrifying. Who knew what hellish ordeal he would make them undergo when they poked him too hard?
Iruka-sensei turned towards their white-haired assistant teacher. "Mizuki-sensei, Naruto's behavioral problems have nothing to do with his blood type. I will not lower my expectations of him."
A miserable pit churned in Naruto's stomach at the words behavioral problems. So Iruka-sensei thought that too, huh? That he was a problem. He should have known.
But then Iruka-sensei came to his seat later and whispered, "Naruto, you up for Ichiraku tonight? I'll pay," and the clouds cleared a little.
"You know," his teacher said around a mouthful of noodles that night, "you have so much creativity and potential, Naruto, but you just need to apply yourself in class a bit more."
"Sounds a lot like the stuff those other kids keep saying," Naruto mumbled, staring into the depths of his miso soup like they held the truths of blood types, personality traits, and the secrets of the universe, "that I'm...out there."
A bit of noodle dangled from Iruka-sensei's mouth. He slurped it up and smiled, his scarred nose scrunching up as though he were a playful dolphin. "Oh, Naruto, don't worry about what those kids say. You know, some people just need an excuse to pick on someone and they'll latch onto anything, whether it's your blood type or hair color or anything else. I wouldn't worry about them."
Naruto continued to stare gloomily into his miso soup. Sensei's just saying that to make me feel better.
A warm hand ruffled his hair. Naruto looked up.
"Can I tell you a secret?" Iruka-sensei whispered. "My mother's blood type was B. And she was amazing. You can be amazing too. Don't be too concerned with your blood type."
Naruto perked up. "Really? Your mom's blood type was B, sensei?"
"Yes. So don't worry about what your classmates say. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, whatever their blood type. You just have to find your own." Iruka-sensei smiled kindly down at Naruto, but just as suddenly, his face turned stern. "And the way to do that is to go home immediately after your meal and finish your homework, you hear?"
"Iruka-senseiiiiii," Naruto whined.
But he smiled and slurped up the last bit of his extra large miso ramen with tons of chashu.
He...supposed he could use the cherry method like Iruka-sensei wanted. Fine, maybe he was a blood type B. But sensei said he had potential! He could be amazing!
He would be amazing. Iruka-sensei wouldn't lower his expectations of Naruto, after all.
What a stupid, boring mission on a stupid, boring day.
Two weeks into being a genin (and defeating Mizuki-sensei – what a jerk, making fun of his blood type when he was an AB and supposedly a two-faced, irresponsible – ugh, that was a rant for another day...).
Anyway, two weeks into being a genin, and Naruto was so incredibly annoyed that there were so very many lost pets wandering around Konoha. There were only so many times you could be assigned missions to catch people's escaped cats before slowly and steadily going insane. Couldn't these Konoha pet owners put a leash on the cats? People did it with dogs all the time. Why were cats so special? Why were they always camping out under bushes and climbing trees to rescue Tora 1, Tora 2, Tora 3, so many cats, all named Tora?
His team could be doing so many things – fighting rogue ninja from other hidden villages, epically foiling a conspiracy to destroy Konoha, taking on a super powerful alien goddess, and best of all, eating their way through Ichiraku's entire menu all on Kakashi-sensei's tab. He was amazing! A blood type B. Iruka-sensei said that he had so much creativity and potential, but that he only needed to apply himself. So why was he stuck doing a stupid, boring mission on this stupid, boring day? It had been almost three hours by now, and Tora 7 was still evading arrest.
"Sakura-chan...Sasuke..." he muttered to the two beside him. "Do you think some higher-up is secretly training the cats to become ninja cats and run away so that genin can keep getting sent on missions to rescue them?"
Naruto's teammates both turned to stare at him as though he'd lost his mind. Well, what did they expect after one entire week of "catch Tora 1 to 7"?
"He ate too much ramen?" Sakura asked Sasuke.
Sasuke grunted in agreement. "He ate too much ramen."
They both turned back to eye their target, a beautiful chocolate pudding brown tabby, the demonic being that had been prowling Naruto's dreams for the past week. Currently the tailed beast was sunbathing under a peach tree, lifting his leg high up above his head so that he could lick his tail. Further proof that Tora 7 was actually a ninja cat. Human ninja were not that flexible.
Naruto scowled. They were always like this. His two teammates didn't always see eye to eye unless it came to him and what they deemed his "unhealthy" obsession with ramen and "random" and "stupid" monologues. Then they were both absolutely, one hundred percent on the same page.
"Oi!" Naruto snapped. "Don't ignore me, ya know! It's a good question! How else did we get an entire week's worth of missions just to catch that monster?"
"We could have gotten that mission to replace parts of Kikyo Castle's roof tiles, but you whined and we got assigned to this one!" Sakura snapped back, pink hair bristling in completely unsuppressed irritation. Deep scratch marks decorated her arms and her red mission gear. Her green eyes were glassy and hardened. Clearly she was dreaming up visions of torment for the beast.
Naruto gulped and turned away. Replacing Kikyo Castle's roof tiles was looking better and better every minute. He was stupid to have whined. The sooner they could finish this mission, the better. Unfortunately, Tora 7 was way too good at escaping.
But he was a type B! So much creativity and potential, according to Iruka-sensei. He would apply himself.
Naruto's eyes narrowed in determination, a fact that did not go unnoticed by his teammates.
"You have a plan?" asked Sasuke.
"Yep," Naruto said. "C'mon, group huddle, group huddle!"
And then he explained it. The plan. Sakura's jaw dropped and Sasuke's dark eyes twitched.
"What?" Naruto said defensively. "It's totally a good plan, ya know! Scissors can definitely be used in that way!"
Surprisingly, Sasuke nodded. "It's worth a try."
"What?" both Naruto and Sakura asked. Then the two blinked at each other in surprise.
Naruto knew that his plan was awesome, but he really wasn't expecting Sasuke to actually agree. He could feel his chest swelling up like a hot air balloon.
He would apply himself.
"You...have got to be kidding me," Sakura said weakly, staring at the cat in shock. "Naruto's plan worked. Oh my God."
Tora 7 was...upset. Seriously, terrifyingly upset. Maybe he needed to get a rabies vaccination.
Snarling, frothing at the mouth, dagger-sharp claws protracted. Chocolate brown fur covered in naruto fishcakes and what looked like...something that Naruto's teammates didn't know, and judging from its...interesting smell, oddly viscous composition, and disturbing yellow color, they had vigorously assured Naruto that they really, really didn't want to find out. At the very least, the mystery substance seemed harmless and was impeding the demon cat's movements. And to top it all off, his cute little ribbon was bizarrely intact, despite the elaborate plan that Naruto had devised and successfully executed, somehow involving extensive use of a pair of scissors.
Kakashi-sensei then chose to appear out of nowhere with a poof and Icha Icha Violence by his side. He smiled benignly and raised a lone hand in greeting.
"You're late!" Naruto and Sakura yelled in complete synchronization. Sasuke merely scowled.
"Yo, everyone!" he said cheerfully. "Right...sorry I'm late for our mission. But it's just that there was this old lady, and she needed to go the hospital and she was carrying so many bags, so I – "
"That's a lie!" Naruto and Sakura yelled once more in complete synchronization.
Kakashi-sensei smiled benignly again, very cozy with this little routine that he'd developed with his team in the past few weeks. Then Tora 7 yowled and he whipped around to see the spectacle. The demon was trying to lick a fishcake off his neck only to slip and fall in the...substance. His droopy eye widened slightly.
"Wow, um..." Kakashi-sensei blinked. "What...happened here while I was gone?"
Naruto smiled a terrifying smile, and an ice cold chill spread through Kakashi's body, even though it was summer. Oh God.
Then Sakura spoke up.
"It's...it's true what they say about blood type B. They're kind of...cool." She gave Naruto a look of grudging...respect? Yes, respect. Naruto beamed, clearly unused to compliments, especially related to his blood type. Oh God. What happened?
"Naruto created this amazing plan, sensei, you should have been there to see it, it was actually pretty well thought-out and – "
Kakashi scoured his eidetic memory for Naruto's Academy file and the comments contained therein.
"Naruto is an incredibly hard-working and curious student, full of creativity and potential," Iruka-sensei had written. "But he applies these qualities in the most unconventional and irritating ways, often as practical jokes at the expense of others. His future jounin instructor should be well aware of these traits and direct his attention to more fruitful avenues."
Oh God.
Naruto really was a type B. Absolutely and insanely wild. The way Naruto had trapped the cat in that...substance was clear proof.
Kakashi smiled under his mask. This was going to be fun.
He'd landed a team with Konoha's Number One Unpredictable Ninja.
And he was applying his unpredictability in weird, weird ways.
Kakashi allowed himself to feel smug a little over a month later after Naruto helped liberate an entire country from a certain evil tycoon and a rogue ninja from Kiri. And then some time after that, during the Chuunin Exams, when word broke out that Naruto had defeated that murderous Suna jinchuuriki Gaara with a head slam and a giant toad.
The villagers began to talk a little after that.
"That Naruto kid...he really is a blood type B, isn't he?"
"Yeah, yeah, textbook case, actually. Completely unpredictable. A force of nature."
"Aren't they supposed to be selfish? But he seems okay to me. Even though...that thing is sealed into him."
"He's always happy and smiling. He's a cute kid."
"Well...the way he defeated that Gaara desert person...that was...kind of cool. I was watching, you know? You could see that toad from a mile away."
"...Damn. I wish I was a blood type B."
Things only began looking up even more for the unfortunate bearers of the B antigen when Tsunade came back to Konoha as the newly appointed Godaime, a happy, cheerful orange ninja in tow. Naturally, this prompted further discussion from the villagers.
"Did you hear what that lady Shizune said? That for years and years, no one had ever been able to convince Tsunade-sama to return. And then he happened."
"Naruto? Seriously? What did he do to convince Tsunade-sama to become the Hokage? Win a bet?"
"Maybe. The Godaime is the Legendary Sucker, after all."
"Man, blood type Bs really are something, aren't they? They're...they're creative. Yeah! Creative. He must have done something really interesting and creative to convince her to come back."
"Me, I think he's erratic. Remember once he pulled that stupid prank back at the Academy and somehow filled the classroom with eels? That's so typical. Blood type Bs are supposed to be erratic and insane and all that."
"Yeah, that's true, I mean, Akira-san, the grocery store man, he's blood type B, too, and he's insane. In a good way, I mean."
"Yeah...but I think that B types are okay even if they're insane. Sometimes, they can even be fun, you know?"
Someone cleared her throat in a frighteningly kind way, and the two gossiping bystanders turned around, faces paling immediately when they took in the green haori, blonde pigtails, narrowed eyes, and ominous crack of knuckles.
"What's this about blood type B being insane?" the Godaime asked with a smile. She looked like a ravenous lion with those unnaturally sharp teeth and murderous amber eyes.
She cracked her knuckles again, advancing slowly and menacingly on the two men.
Horrific screams rang out, echoing for miles and miles into the distance. Every single resident of Konoha simultaneously winced and covered their ears.
After that incident, no one ever forgot that Tsunade-sama was a blood type B too.
The Academy principal recorded a 90% drop in cases of bura-hara immediately afterwards.
Far away in a forest with Jiraiya, Naruto stared gloomily into a campfire and sneezed.
His teacher looked at him curiously. "You all right, Naruto? Have a cold?"
Naruto rubbed his nose and bleary eyes. "Yeah, maybe...I get the feeling that someone's talking about me, ya know?"
The Toad Sage grinned. "Nothing that a nice relaxing soak at the hot springs can't cure," he said, giggling in a way that would have made Tsunade want to kill him. "There's one in the village right around the corner!"
Naruto sneezed again. He could swear that someone had just screamed.
How odd.
Must have something to do with baa-chan, he decided. She's a blood type B too.
Naruto was sixteen, the newly dubbed Hero of Konohagakure. In the aftermath of Pain's attack on the village, his breathtaking mastery over Sage Mode, and convincing the man named Nagato to resurrect the dead, he had been mobbed by thankful villagers, buried under an avalanche of enthusiastic Academy kids, tossed into the air, and paraded around the remains of the village.
And over the past few months, he had been deluged with random, bizarre comments about his blood type. Not the mean, nasty kind of comments he'd gotten back in the Academy days.
Nope. For some reason, Konoha had done a complete 180 degree turn in its attitude towards individuals with blood type B. Hindsight was always 20/20, and it was only recently that Naruto began to realize that, really, while people did tend to tease those whose blood type was B, in his case, it was clearly, as Iruka-sensei had told him, much more to do with people latching onto trivial reasons to dislike jinchuuriki such as himself.
But, well, that was a long, long time ago. In that dark era when he couldn't even go shopping for groceries without being pelted with rotten eggs and concussed with broomsticks and assailed by dark curses, the fact that he was a blood type B was just one of the many, many drops in the ocean of things that the villagers hated about him.
Now...
Now...
"Naruto-senpai!"
"NA-RU-TO-SE-N-PA-IIIII!"
"Please accept these blood type B chocolates! I got them just for you!"
"Please accept a date with me! I'm blood type O! We have great compatibility!"
"Oi, butt out of here, Kyoko, I'm blood type AB. Naruto-senpai, go on a date with me, we have the best compatibility!"
...While Konoha had done a complete 180 degree turn in its attitude towards individuals with blood type B, Naruto was quite sure that right now, people were just latching onto trivial reasons to idolize village heroes such as himself.
The side-effects were many and far-reaching. Now, magically, people had somehow remembered that according to the hocus-pocus blood type personality theory, he was supposed to be bright and cheerful and spontaneous and strong, along with a whole string of other superlatives that were never brought up when he was a kid. The consequences had spilled over into his friend circle as well, with Chouji, Kiba, Tenten, and Ino suddenly reporting a spike in popularity, though they too had faced their share of ribbing in the past due their blood type.
But none of them had anything on Naruto's tsunami surge of popularity. He just wanted to eat ramen in peace, damn it, but the hordes of fans just wouldn't go away with their requests for autographs and blow-by-blow accounts of the battle with Pain and obsession with his blood type.
"Naruto-senpai!" bellowed one of the persistent fans right into his ear. "I have our date all planned out! See, I even got blood type B con – "
Naruto choked on his chashu. He did not want to hear the end of that sentence, ever.
His fans were terrifying.
"Um...I have...stuff to do," he said hastily, jumping off his stool and emptying his entire Gama-chan wallet onto the counter. "So...catch you later!"
Teuchi and Ayame gave Naruto a look of deep, deep pity as he bolted.
"NARUTO-SENPAI!" yelled a dozen disappointed voices, echoing for miles and miles into the distance.
Once again, every single resident of Konoha simultaneously winced and covered their ears.
Naruto was nineteen going on twenty, the hero of not just Konohagakure, but the entire war. And the mania around blood type B had still not abated. No, if anything, it had become a damn cult. Someone had leaked out to all the world the deeply important, life-or-death information that he was a blood type B, and by the time the news reached Naruto's ears, the damage had been done. B had officially become the best and most sought-after blood type in the Five Great Nations, superseding even blood type A, who were, strangely enough, lately subject to stray cases of bura-hara.
Blood type magazines giving Naruto pride of place in the B category.
Blood type horoscopes analyzing his romantic compatibility with various ninja he had been spotted with during the war (Sakura, Ino, Tenten, and Gaara were not happy about that).
He was even appearing on special blood type B – actually, he didn't want to think about that. It was deeply disturbing and quite possibly illegal. He asked Kakashi-sensei to please put a stop to the depraved souls behind that, and his old sensei did agree to do so, but who knew if or when that would happen, because he was giggling the whole time after hearing about it, the jerk.
But the worst of all were the aforementioned annoying fans who just didn't understand that he was engaged to Hinata and therefore taken already.
And those fans had so, so many opinions on the romantic compatibility of a blood type A and a blood type B. In a pre-war era, Naruto would definitely have gotten the short end of the stick regarding his compatibility with Hinata. He was a B man, which ten years ago, would have pegged him as a wild, uncontrollable, selfish partner who couldn't offer the stability that an A woman like Hinata so deeply needed. Now, he was cute, fun-loving, cheerful, and adventurous (wink, wink, nudge, nudge). An ideal catch, and Hinata was, according to these uber-fans of his, just not up to the mark. She was apparently a moody, shy, dark girl who would drag Naruto down into the abyss with her. They were so very incompatible, according to his most deranged O, B, and AB fans.
Naruto didn't care what they thought of him, but he did have a problem with them voicing their concerns about Hinata. Especially when they were on a date, like right now. The fans weren't even bothering to be discreet, instead forming a swarm like a hive of angry bees, trailing them from Ichiraku and now to the park, all the while muttering about unfairness and incompatibility and who-knew-what else.
A pang of sadness washed over him as he took in Hinata's serene expression. There was no way she didn't know about the fan cloud hovering in the distance, but she seemed to not care even remotely for whatever reason, humming a happy tune she had heard on the radio and squeezing his hand tight.
Hinata was awesome. She didn't need to hear all about how she was apparently just not a good match with the hero of the war. It was unacceptable. If anything, he was the one who wasn't good enough for her. The fanhive had it all backwards. She was his hero. He had to make it very clear to the annoying fans to buzz off.
Naruto recalled a decade-old promise to Iruka-sensei to apply himself. He was a blood type B, full of creativity and potential. He just needed to direct those traits into more fruitful avenues.
His inner prankster stirred after a long period of dormancy, itching for the chance to apply himself. A terrifying smile broke out on his face. Well, terrifying to people (and cats) who knew about his unconventional and irritating ways of applying himself in the classroom. But Hinata simply glanced at him quizzically.
"Naruto-kun?" she asked.
"Hinata," he murmured, gathering her into a group huddle. "You want to know a really interesting way of using scissors?"
The entire village would be reacquainted with the reason Naruto was Konoha's Number One Unpredictable Ninja.
Soon after, Konoha would record a 90% drop in cases of bura-hara, and everyone knew just how compatible blood types A and B were.
A/N: According to the databooks, Naruto is indeed a blood type B, and Hinata is a blood type A! :)
The blood type personality theory is very popular in Japan, and sadly, blood type B people get kind of a bad rep, just like Naruto gets here. They often get called selfish and uncooperative and all that, and apparently there's a term for the teasing that some of them endure (blood harassment/bura-hara). And blood type A people are called neat and sensitive and fastidious and all that, and have a pretty good rep.
This story was born from my mind going, "Do you think maybe Naruto was bullied by kids for being a blood type B?"
I mean, kids can be cruel and latch onto things just to be mean to people, and they already mistreated him for being a jinchuuriki, so perhaps it's possible that people made fun of him for being a type B. That's what I think, anyway.
Please leave a review! :)
