"The trick to winning a fight is to take all your clothes off. The intimidation factor alone is huge."
Inosuke said this with as much certainty as he'd say, "The sky is blue," or "The sun is hot," and Genya scoffed in response.
Inosuke continued, "Obviously it won't work with demons, but no human wants to fight a naked guy. You don't believe me? Watch, I'll stomp Totoro's ass right now."
"If you run up to Tanjirou naked, then he's gonna think you're threatening him with a good time."
An outsider would've assumed Genya and Inosuke hated each other for how frequently and ferociously they clashed, but this wasn't the case. On the contrary Genya thought Inosuke was hilarious and refreshingly blunt, and Inosuke admired and envied Genya's naturally fearsome presence. Of course they'd never admit this, so they instead continued stumbling along in their bizarre, backwards friendship that consisted of jabbing and cursing at each other. Presently they were occupied with a less aggressive task: gathering chestnuts from the forest surrounding Muichirou's home.
Chestnuts signal autumn, a season with a natural melancholy; perhaps it's from the life slowly leaving the plants, or perhaps it's because it precedes winter, another year, another end. There was no gloom present though as Genya and Inosuke dug through the leaves, and when the latter discovered an intact acorn, he pocketed it. Genya asked, "What do you do with those? You eat them?" He picked up an acorn, rubbed the dirt off it, and ate it as Inosuke, who knew very well the consequences of eating raw acorns, cried, "Don't! You'll shit yourself blind!"
"I've eaten worse. Hm... that wasn't tasty." Genya took a chestnut from their basket and ate it, shell and all, and he commented, "That wasn't good either."
Inosuke stared with awe, and he held up a rock. Genya took it from him, and although the crunching sounded horrific, he ate it also. This amused Inosuke immensely, and as he sought something else to feed to Genya, a chilly breeze drifted over them. He'd removed the pelt from around his hips to drape over his shoulders, and he drew the fur around himself more tightly. His search was interrupted by Genya saying, "Do you want a shirt? You can borrow one of Tokitou's."
"No I'm fine."
"You should wear one to protect your nipple bones."
"My what?!"
Anyone who has grown up in an oppressive household can attest that a skill learned quickly is how to lie proficiently, so it was easy for Genya to answer solemnly, "The bones in your nipples. How else would they get hard?"
Inosuke was dubious. "Then what about salami?"
"What about salami?"
"Your brother!"
"Oh, Sanemi. Yeah his nipple bones are ruined beyond repair. He—" Genya abruptly sprinted away because Tanjirou was charging toward him with a hand raised to slap him for dishonesty. The champion of truthfulness stopped by Inosuke and said, "Genya's joking. Nipples do not have bones."
"Yes they do!" called the liar from a safe distance, and when Tanjirou shot him a reproachful look, he laughed and hid behind a tree. Inosuke wasn't sure whom to believe, and Tanjirou saw his uncertainty and tried to reassure him that nipples were indeed boneless.
Muichirou had been speaking with Tanjirou until he said, "Excuse me, Tokitou-san," and then suddenly took off, and the Pillar now walked up to them, whereupon he spotted the basket of chestnuts and said, "That's enough. Let's go back."
Tanjirou and Inosuke had a nearby mission tomorrow, and the former had mentioned this in a letter to Muichirou, who'd then invited them to stay with him. Tanjirou initially declined since they'd already made arrangements with a wisteria house, but then there came an irresistible response: "What a shame. Genya's here, and I thought you might've wanted to see him." This bait was taken immediately; he cancelled their stay at the wisteria house and then dragged Inosuke along at a breakneck speed to reach the Mist Residence in record time. As for Zenitsu and Nezuko, a letter had come from Kanao stating, "Hello, Nezuko! Aoi and I are going shopping tomorrow. Do you wanna come along? You can bring the boys too. The more the merrier. Plus they can carry our stuff. " Just like her brother, Nezuko had taken this bait immediately, and she'd hauled Zenitsu along with her, where he'd undoubtedly become a pack mule.
The two other Kamabokos now sat with Genya and Muichirou in the living room, and as they surrounded the hearth to chat while the chestnuts were roasting, Muichirou's housekeeper, a middle-aged gentleman, approached with an uneasy expression and a newspaper tucked under his arm. He was preparing to head home, and he said nervously, "Tokitou-san, have you read the news recently? A serial killer's on the loose, and he's been spotted around here. He's already claimed five lives, and all of them were young men. The details are nauseating, so I'll just say they suffered tremendously." He then read aloud a description of the criminal, and Muichirou remarked, "He sounds like the most forgettable-looking guy ever."
"There's one more bit. The paper says his most notable feature is that he has six toes on one foot."
"I dare him to step that nasty six-toed foot onto my property. Shall I walk you home then?"
The housekeeper chuckled, "It's alright. I'm not his type," but then he warned, "You and your friends need to keep your weapons near though."
Once the housekeeper exited, Tanjirou said, "Inosuke, can't you use your Breath to scan our surroundings?" The addressee had been contemplating on what else he could feed Genya, but Tanjirou's question distracted him. He answered, "I can!" and opened the front door to do so, but then there was the distant sound of a tree falling.
Inspiration struck Inosuke, and he was returned to his previous thoughts of feeding Genya. He ran toward the trees, and Muichirou chased after, shouting, "Don't go off alone! You wanna get killed?!" Tanjirou watched them until they disappeared into the forest, and then he whirled around, clasped his arms around Genya's neck, and drew him into a kiss. This surprised Genya, who asked, "You sent them away just for this?"
"It wasn't my intention, but I'm not complaining."
"And what'll you do when they don't come back? When we find their bodies later?"
"The murderer should beware of them, not the other way around. And anyways Inosuke's got bigger problems, namely you telling him nonsense."
Genya burst into laughter. "I wanted to tell him that if he doesn't break his bones himself, then you're more than happy to do it for him."
"Are you still sore about your arm?! I tried to make it better by asking for your name afterwards, but you ignored me."
"Why'd you want my name right then? I was this close to punching your lights out."
"I wanted to send you a get-well card!"
"What kind of power move...?"
"It would've said, 'Get well soon... so I can break it again.'"
Genya took a cushion and made to whack Tanjirou, who laughingly shielded himself with his hands. He then disarmed Genya by nestling against him and cooing, "How should I make it up to you then?"
"Take this away. It's crowding my bag." Genya produced a small tin, and Tanjirou brightened and elatedly cried, "You were actually listening to my rambling last time?! And then you went and found it?!"
During their previous meeting Tanjirou had shared a story about how his family's most frequent purchase from a particular merchant was an all-purpose salve. Since becoming a demon slayer, he hadn't seen this product for sale anywhere else, and he'd groused about this to Genya when they were last together. Tanjirou was aware of his voluble nature, so occasional inattention from his audience didn't bother him. What mattered was that Genya let him talk to his heart's content, so he was overjoyed to learn that not only had Genya been listening but he'd also went searching for this specific item. Oh, to have someone who remembered trivial details about him and who went to great lengths for his sake! Purring ecstasies of gratitude flowed from Tanjirou as he opened the tin and applied some to his lips. The salve was scentless to Genya, but Tanjirou must've detected some fragrance from it because he sniffed and then smiled wistfully as he was momentarily transported back to his childhood. "I can't wait to show Nezuko. How should I repay you for being so good to me? Tell me what you want."
"Don't worry about it."
"Let me do nice things for you too."
Genya mumbled shyly, "You already do."
"I wanna do more. If you won't tell me though, then I'll remind you why you deserve everything."
Genya's mouth may have been his best asset, but it was Tanjirou who had a silver tongue. He now demonstrated this skill as he embraced Genya and expressed adoration and encouragement in a voice as soft as honey pouring into a glass on a warm day. When Genya could no longer bear the pleasant weight of these tender tributes heaped onto him, he kissed Tanjirou to quiet him, and in this he tasted everything lacking in his life: peace, joy, affirmation. Not even this could change his stance about himself though, and while he appreciated the remarks, he thought they were just sweet nothings, empty calories to temporarily indulge him because surely he wasn't worthy of true praise. Tanjirou sensed the doubt, and he breathed against Genya's throat, "Believe me. You know I don't lie." At the feeling of Tanjirou's breath against his skin, Genya cautiously allowed a fragment of himself to accept the words, and a bashful smile flickered across his face, lovelier than moonlight filtering through leaves. The sight delighted Tanjirou, and the affection in his eyes morphed into a quiet fervor as he took Genya's hand, stood, and crooned, "I wasn't done talking. Let's continue elsewhere."
They'd only taken three steps when he encountered unexpected resistance, and he turned around in confusion and found that Muichirou, who'd apparently abandoned Inosuke, had grabbed Genya's other hand. Tanjirou said with strained politeness, "Tokitou-san. Let go please."
Muichirou gave a tug. "No. Genya's gonna help me with this treasure map. He'll obey me because I'm a Pillar."
Tanjirou pulled back. "Don't abuse your position. I claimed him first."
Muichirou gave another tug. "You're just gonna lie around smooching each other, and I don't want you doing that in here."
Genya reddened painfully, but Tanjirou continued pulling and replied shamelessly, "Fine! Then we'll do it in the forest, and when we come back covered in ticks, we'll sprinkle them all over your house!"
"Ew!" The tug of war momentarily ceased because the contestants were laughing, but when Tanjirou yanked Genya toward him, Muichirou reestablished his hold and retaliated. The victim was saved by Inosuke bursting into the house. He flourished a hideously large grub that he'd extracted from the fallen tree, and he now held it up to Genya to see if he'd eat live things. Genya recoiled with disgust, and Tanjirou and Muichirou, who were both still clutching his hands, were dragged along so that they crashed into Inosuke. They fell into a laughing pile, and for a moment they weren't orphans, soldiers, or tragedies; they were just four friends being silly and stupid. Their mirth was interrupted though by a thump from the second floor, and they silenced and stared at the ceiling. Inosuke said what they were all thinking: "It's the killer!"
Rather than being afraid, Muichirou was annoyed. Pillars had few days off, and successfully aligning them with his friends' schedules was difficult. Accordingly he was galled that an interloper had appeared, and he stood and took his sword. When Tanjirou and Inosuke made to follow him, he stopped them and said, "No. You two are my guests. I'll handle this." The hospitality wasn't extended to Genya though because Muichirou said to him, "Let's go, bestie. If we die, then we're dying together."
Genya sighed and collected his weapons, and then they ascended the stairs. Tanjirou and Inosuke waited tensely, but the only sounds were the footsteps and voices of the other two. Just as they were beginning to relax, there came a cry from Genya and then agonized screams from Muichirou. Tanjirou and Inosuke had never heard a Pillar make such sounds, and they sprang to their feet, their eyes wide with alarm. If a Pillar couldn't defeat this foe, then what could they possibly do? Regardless Tanjirou steeled himself and said, "We've to help them!"
They raced to the second floor, which was only a single room used for storage, and they found Muichirou standing and shaking his head furiously while Genya stood aside watching. The enemy was... a rat clinging to Muichirou's hair. It had fallen from the ceiling and onto his head, and whenever he stopped moving, it'd hurriedly climb toward his crown. When he felt the pressure of its little rat hands, he'd scream and resume his shaking, which caused it to slide down his hair, and when he stilled, it'd then attempt to move up again, thus compelling him to thrash about more. This horrible positive feedback loop was the most ridiculous thing that Inosuke had ever seen, and he dropped his swords and doubled over guffawing. Tanjirou, who was trying to be helpful, exclaimed, "It's between your shoulders!" Muichirou didn't know what was on him, so when he reached behind himself and brushed some unseen abomination, he jerked his hand away like he'd been burnt, shuddered with revulsion, and wailed for them to do something. Inosuke composed himself enough to seize the rat, and then he went downstairs and freed it.
The ordeal over, they reassembled in the living room, and after some silent seconds Muichirou said, "Not a word of this to anyone." Genya and Inosuke snorted and snickered, and Tanjirou said soothingly, "So what were you saying about a treasure map?"
Muichirou, who enjoyed paper crafts, had acquired a stack of assorted papers, and on the back of one of these sheets, he'd discovered some suspicious scrawls. The ink was extremely faint, but it was dark enough in a corner that the name of the mountain on which he lived could be barely seen. He squinted at it and said, "Can you read the rest? I've been trying for days." They studied the sheet, and then Tanjirou sniffed and commented, "It smells like lemons."
Genya said, "Oh, I know what's up. My siblings and I used to do this for fun," and he took the sheet and held it near the hearth. The ink began materializing, and he explained, "It's lemon juice. Heat makes it visible."
The other three exclaimed with astonishment, and then Inosuke pointed at the marked spot and said, "I know where this is!" The mountain that Muichirou called home was near where Inosuke had grown up, so the latter knew the landmarks to where he could navigate with only the sun and stars. They hastened to the location and found a long dead tree, and within this tree they discovered an ancient case. The moment Muichirou touched it, a howling gale whipped around them, and the sky briefly dimmed. They glanced around themselves with fright, but when the container jingled with something metallic inside, they forgot their fear, became wild with elation, and whooped that they'd be wealthy. They hurried home, where they decided to split the reward equally: Muichirou for finding the map, Tanjirou for smelling the ink, Genya for translating it, and Inosuke for guiding them. The conversation during dinner consisted solely of speculation about what was inside the box and what they'd each do with their share, but when it came time to open it, neither tools nor teeth nor headbutts were effective. Inosuke flung the case down in frustration, and in response the hearth fire extinguished as the forest temporarily silenced. They remained motionless with bewilderment until Muichirou relit the fire and said with affected calm, "That was weird. Maybe we can't open it because we're tired. We'll try again tomorrow. Let's get ready for bed."
Tanjirou regarded the container warily. "Maybe we should return it."
"Don't start with that spooky crap. Save that for Kochou." Muichirou then began unfolding four futons as the others went about completing their nightly routines, but Inosuke kept shivering and muttering, "The air feels wrong."
Genya scoffed, "You're just jumpy from the rat and the news about the murderer." Inosuke vehemently denied this, and Genya smirked and teased, "Okay, little pig, I'll make sure all the doors are locked just for you." He secured the back door, and then he passed through the kitchen to return to the living room, where Inosuke was still insisting he felt unusual. Just as Genya was about to shut the door joining the living room and kitchen, something caught his attention, and he froze to where Inosuke became curious and went to stand behind him to peer past him.
In the kitchen was a shadowy figure, and although it moved with the motions of a person walking, it remained unnaturally in place. Tanjirou and Muichirou yelled for Genya to shut the door, but he was petrified and scarcely heard them. Even Inosuke had grabbed the back of Genya's shirt, and his knuckles were blanched from the force of his grip as his mind struggled with how to tackle this opponent that was neither human nor animal nor demon. A sound began emanating from the entity, an exhalation that increased in volume until it culminated in the being suddenly appearing before Genya and reaching for him. It seemed like the phantom would triumph for how badly it had frightened him, but then his fist reflexively shot out and connected with the shadowy jaw.
It was harmless fun for Genya to scare others, but to try and do it back to him was dangerous because in the debate between fight or flight, he automatically defaulted to the former. He loathed this aspect of himself because it proved he was the son of his father, a man inclined to hit first and think later. This quality was now useful though, and after the sickening impact of his punch, the entity crumpled to the floor. He gasped, "Shit! I'm sor—" but he was interrupted by Inosuke pushing past him to rain kicks and blows onto their adversary. Genya's successful strike had electrified Inosuke, and in turn Inosuke's actions galvanized Genya to contribute to the beating. At length the phantom began convulsing, and Tanjirou said with horror, "You two gave it brain damage."
"Get the door!" snarled Genya, and Inosuke opened the kitchen door. The back of Muichirou's house overlooked a steep hill, and Genya shoved the unconscious being so that it tumbled down this hill. He then took the box, which neither Tanjirou nor Muichirou dared protest against, and returned to the door to find that their commotion had attracted a passerby, who stood gawking at him. Inosuke, who was kneeling, stuck his head out from behind Genya's legs, and because darkness concealed Inosuke's body, the passerby thought this was the scene of a menacing young man with his pet pig. Consequently he was thunderstruck when the animal bellowed, "What the fuck are you looking at?!" He was so shocked by what he thought was a talking boar that he slipped on some leaves to where his shoes flew off, and then just like the entity, he rolled down the hill. Inosuke darted out to steal the shoes, which earned a rebuke from Tanjirou, and then Genya hurled the case as far as he could. Whether the container struck the passerby and concussed him or not couldn't be determined.
They settled into their beds, and Muichirou sighed, "I guess we're not gonna be rich after all." Disappointment settled over them, but then Inosuke said to Genya, "We rocked that bitch. What the hell was that though?"
Muichirou exclaimed, "A ghost!"
"What's a ghost?"
"It's like... a person minus the body, plus some powers."
"Huh. I haven't seen that before."
Genya said, "I thought the forest was supposed to be full of creepy things. You've never seen anything unexplainable the whole time you were living there?"
"Once when I looked at the sky, I realized it was the underside of a massive centipede, and each leg was touching a different dimension, timeline, whatever you call it. This bug was linking all these worlds together, and if I could get on its back, then I'd be able to go to those other worlds. It was too high up for me to reach though." They stared at Inosuke, and then Genya inquired, "So where's this centipede now?"
Inosuke shrugged. "It's probably still up there."
"Then why can't we see it?"
"I'm not sure. I only saw it when I accidentally ate some new mushrooms."
Tanjirou said slowly, "Inosuke..." as Genya and Muichirou dissolved into laughter. The remainder of the night and the following morning were cheerful, and after thanks, goodbyes, and promises to see each other soon were exchanged (along with some stealthy kisses and hugs between two individuals), they parted ways. The housekeeper was entering as Muichirou was leaving, and after the former urged his employer to be careful at work, he went to the backyard for firewood. There he discovered kicked up earth and dips in the mud caused by the passerby staggering, but because the housekeeper had no knowledge of what had transpired last night, he instead thought one of the boys had accidentally fallen. As he wondered which of the four it might've been, he found a footprint clearer than the others, clear enough to see that it had six toes.
