Just past the break of dawn, the morning after the ball, found Alexander Colbourne swimming in the sea.

He needed the cold and vigor of the frigid, salty waves to clear his head from the little sleep he had, interrupted by worries and nightmares.

Once he arrived home late last night from the Parker residence, he and Mrs. Wheatley had a short conversation about what had happened and what was to occur in the next days. He needed her help to see that everything went as well as it could be.

Later this morning, he would call at the Parkers to have a final meeting with the affected parties, and finalize who would be going where, doing what errand or activity.

He would be bringing the monies Mary Parker said were needed to pay off the debts the militia had run up with various Sanditon shopkeepers. Then he would see Charlotte, if she was awake, for a short while, before he left for London, and Susan, to whom he sent an express late last night. There, he hoped, they could meet with her connections in the military and the Crown to see what could be done about Lennox. He also expected to hire an investigator to dig deeply into Lennox's finances, connections, and background. His brother Samuel, a solicitor with a firm that sometimes advised the Prince Regent, could make recommendations.

He would spend whatever was required to get as much information on the man as possible, to gain leverage over him.

He wanted to ruin him in every way possible.

The snake deserved no less.

It would be perfect if Lennox had accumulated enough debts to put him in the Marshalsea for good, or, even better, deport him to Australia. Alexander would have to be careful to make sure he had enough convincing evidence to make sure the punishment was permanent, that the man could never get out of prison, or never return from Botany Bay.

He did not know how long this would take, but he hoped he would not need to be in London for weeks.

He needed to be here, with Charlotte.

Alexander stopped swimming, and treated water for a few minutes, remembering his horrible dream.

It was so real, it took him several minutes after he woke, naked and sweating, the covers twisted around him, to realize where he was and what was truth.

Last night, he dreamed Charlotte was dead.

In the dream, he started up the stairs on one side of the ballroom to look for her. He could hear her crying and moaning, calling for him to help her. But Alexander could not get to her. People were standing in his way, keeping him from reaching Charlotte, jeering at him.

Most of the faces were indiscernible, faces of society people he could not stand, fake people living lives completely empty of substance, honor, or integrity. But three people stood out very, very clearly.

Lucy.

Lennox.

His father.

"How perfectly ridiculous, Alexander. You expect me to die of boredom and rot away, in the country? What a waste! If I had known how stodgy you were, I would never have agreed to marry you," dream Lucy had laughed. "I hear the men talking about you, you know. How you are not a proper gentleman! You refuse to allow even a drop of spirit or wine to pass your lips, and you abhor gambling! You will not wager even a sixpence! I cannot tell you how embarrassing it is to me to have my husband mocked by the first circles!"

"Your wife was ripe for the plucking." Dream Lennox had smirked at him, just as he had at the archery contest. "All alone in London, married to an absent husband she did not respect or desire. It was so easy to feed the flames of her discontent, to get to her to agree to an affair. She was quite glorious in bed, but then, I know many ways to please a woman. A prudish man like you could never really satisfy a woman with passionate desires."

"Boy!" His dream father was drunk, wielding a leather belt, as he often had in real life. "You think you are better than me? You think you know more than me? You with your fancy awards from Eton? It seems I will have to teach you, yet again, who is master here, you worthless whelp! Don't think you can hide from me, I will find you!"

When he finally broke through the people and ascended the stairs, there was a pool of blood around Charlotte.

All the life had gone out of her eyes. When he knelt by her side and touched her hand, it felt like ice.

At that point he finally woke from the nightmare, his face wet with sweat and tears.

Seeing the faint light outside, he had known there was no point in trying to go back to sleep.

So here he was, rolling and twisting with the waves, allowing their embrace to invigorate and soothe him at the same time.

That was what Charlotte did to him – arouse and soothe.

Her spirit and passion had awakened his wounded soul. Her compassion and kindness was a balm to his sorrowful heart. She made him feel a tiny sliver of hope that he could let go of the mistakes of the past, finally forgive himself and stop hiding from his girls and the world.

He took a deep breath, wondering if she would change her mind on her acceptance of his offer of marriage. It would not surprise him if she did, with all the pain she must have been in last night. Had she really known her own mind?

No, he would not be surprised, but he would accept her decision, though it would crush him. He doubted he would ever recover from losing Charlotte. Her rejection would not stop him from going after Lennox, however, he would still do what was needed to ruin the man.

But if she had not changed her mind, if she still wanted to be his wife, Alexander would agree to do anything she wanted, to be anything she wanted. If she wanted to attend a ball every night, if she wanted him to dance every dance, he would do it to make her happy.

He knew he was a difficult, flawed man with a painful past. He had failed with Lucy, but Charlotte had shown herself to be very different from his first wife. Perhaps it was unwise for him to expect the past to predict the future. Yet, he was still as lost as ever. Charlotte was an extraordinary woman, who deserved a man to stand at her side who was her equal, her partner. Someone who would support her, not control her and demand her submission, as his father had with his mother, slowly destroying his mother's health and spirit until there was nothing left but a headstone in the graveyard.

He did not know how to be the man Charlotte needed. But he would try. If she still wanted to marry him, he would endeavor every waking minute of every day to be worthy of her.

She deserved his very best efforts, and so did Leo and Augusta.

He walked out of the sea to his pile of clothes, and began to dress. There was still much to do, before he could see Charlotte and discover his fate.


Three miles away from where Alexander Colbourne swam, Charlotte Heywood lay awake in her bed at Trafalgar House.

Almost every part of her body hurt – her nose, her cheeks, her throat, the right side of her chest and torso, her right hip. Breathing through her nose was painful, so she tried to breathe through her mouth, which was so dry she began to cough.

Her ribs protested mightily at that, and she gasped loudly in pain.

"Charlotte, are you awake?"

"Mary?" Her voice was a weak thread of sound. "What happened to me? I feel terrible. Everything hurts."

A chair was pulled across the floor, and Charlotte sensed more than saw her friend. She turned her head slowly to the left, and was able to finally see Mary's face. She looked so tired and sad. "Charlotte, you were beaten last night at the ball by Colonel Lennox. You said he proposed to you, you told him no, then he started hitting you. Do you remember that?"

"I dreamed of it last night, Mary. I thought it was only a dream," she whispered, closing her eyes, feeling a wave of dread engulf her.

"Did he – did he – rape me, Mary?"

"No, Charlotte, no." She felt Mary gently place her hand on her head and caress her hair. "Dr. Fuchs did a very thorough examination last night after we got you home from the ball. You were not violated."

"What are my injuries?" she murmured, feeling relieved at the news that such an intimate crime had not occurred.

"A broken nose, and bruising on your face. Your right eye is quite swollen. You have broken ribs on the right side of your body. Small cuts on your chest that should heal soon. Dr. Fuchs said he did not think you have a concussion, but he will be here later today to examine you. He will ask what you remember of last night."

"I am – I am not sure. My head feels so fuzzy from the laudanum."

"You said you dreamed of it, tell me what you dreamed and perhaps I can tell you if it happened."

Charlotte shuddered, recalling the dream. It was more a nightmare. "It starts with Lennox proposing to me. He said – he said he would raise me from my squalid existence as a governess. I said no, then he dragged me away from the balcony and threw me to the floor. He straddled me and started hitting me. Then he left suddenly." She coughed, the talking hurting her throat. "Is there any water?"

"Yes, of course, I should have offered you a glass right away!"

Very slowly Charlotte lifted her head, and Mary raised the glass to her lips. "Sip slowly, Charlotte." When she drank her fill, she laid her head back on the pillows, closing her eyes again. "In the dream, I called for Mr. Colbourne to help me after Lennox left me. He came up the stairs and found me. He was trying to help me. He had just told me he wanted to marry me when – when - Eliza Campion appeared and laughed at my injuries. She said I was a lowly servant, no longer a gentlewoman, and completely unsuitable for any decent man. She said Mr. Colbourne would be - disgraced with me as his wife." The last part was something she could barely manage to whisper. "Mr. Colbourne agreed with her. Then she left, and Mr. Colbourne went with her."

"Oh Charlotte! I can understand why you would dream that! I am so sorry!" Charlotte felt a light touch on her face, and she realized she had been crying. Mary was dabbing her tears with a handkerchief. "My dear, Mr. Colbourne said he found you. He was at your side until Dr. Fuchs came, and then he was standing just a few feet away during the initial exam. He helped you into our carriage and rode home with us. The only time he was separated from you is when you were brought up to this room. He stayed downstairs with Miss Markham while the doctor did a far more detailed exam. After the exam, he had to take Miss Markham home, of course, but he never abandoned you, Charlotte, not for a single moment."

Charlotte wanted to cry even more, but she tried not to. The pain in her nose was awful and crying seemed to make it worse.

She understood what Sidney had done, the choice he felt he had to make. In his place, she would have done the same to save her family from a cruel fate. Nevertheless, she had still felt abandoned and betrayed by him, especially in the type of woman he chose.

Eliza.

She was a snake masquerading as a human. She won the race but that was not enough for her. Eliza felt the need to continue to torment Charlotte by sending her a wedding invitation, with a cruel note enclosed about Charlotte's unsuitability anywhere but on a farm. Once Charlotte read both items, they were thrown immediately into the fire. But the harpy's venom still made its way into her mind and heart.

It was no surprise to her the dream mingled the pain of the past with the trauma of the present.

"Mary, I – I think I remember something. Alison said Father would make me go home and marry Ralph. Then Mr. Colbourne offered his hand, and I accepted."

"Yes, you do remember correctly. I was there for that entire exchange."

"But Mary, why did Mr. Colbourne offer to marry me?" Charlotte asked, confused. She closed her eyes again, as an image overtook her.

She could see a dance in her mind, a dance where a tall, dark man held her close. His grip on her waist was firm and strong. His scent was something tantalizing to her - fine linens and leather, ink and parchment, clean soap and the musk of his masculinity. Dark eyes with an intensity in their expression that told her he desired her, that he might want to kiss her – and more - if they were alone.

She felt somewhat uncomfortable with his gaze, and the feelings it generated in her body. There was a tingling all over her, but especially in her breasts. Between her legs, an ache was growing that she did not recognize. She felt a strong urge to press her entire body against all of his. To try calm herself, she looked away from his face, but could not manage it for long. Even when she did not look at him, she knew he was staring at her. She knew she would let him kiss her if he wanted. He would not be forcing himself on her in doing so, because she desired him, too.

Her employer.

Mr. Alexander Colbourne.

"I can't say for certain, Charlotte," Mary said, breaking into her reverie. "I do not think it is only gallantry. He looked anguished when we found you. I saw longing and tenderness in his gaze when he spoke to you in the carriage ride home. He could be in love with you, my dear. I think you should ask him when he comes this morning."

"He is coming here?"

"Yes, we are all meeting here to discuss and plan what we could not last night. Captain Fraser will be coming as well. I believe his housekeeper Mrs. Wheatley will be bringing Miss Markham and Miss Leo later this morning."

Charlotte smiled a little at this, and felt the pain of a split, dry lip. "Mary, is there any lip balm?"

"Oh, yes, and look at the time! I should have Cook brew you some willow bark tea for the pain. I do not want to give you too much laudanum. But I should wake Alison to sit with you. She slept in the nursery last night."

"No, do not. I can be unattended for a little while. It is not as if I am going anywhere."

Mary laughed and stood. She bent to press a kiss to Charlotte's forehead. "No, you shall not be going anywhere, even out of bed for some time." Then to her surprise, Mary said, "You will have time to contemplate Mr. Colbourne's offer of marriage, and if your acceptance is still the right choice for you. You were in much pain and stress when you accepted, and no one, not even he, will be surprised if you change your mind."

"Do you think I should change my mind, Mary? Does everyone?"

"Charlotte, you are the one who knows Mr. Colbourne better than any of the rest of us. I know he has frustrated you at times. However, based on what I saw last night, he appears to have good qualities he hides from most of the world. You are the only one who can decide who or what will make you happy, my dear, and that is all I have ever wanted for you. Your happiness." On that last statement, Mary left the room.

Her head was less fuzzy and more clear. More memories flooded into her mind. Charlotte felt able think, with some clarity and understanding.

Her model for happiness in the marital state had always been her own parents. From her earliest memories, she watched them treat each other with the deepest love and respect for the other's thoughts, feelings, and abilities. They were equal partners in the marriage, complimentary to each other. For years, Charlotte saw her parents commit to each other anew, every single day, each partner telling the other how much they were loved and appreciated. To the family, Robert and Henrietta Heywood demonstrated the importance of admitting when one was wrong, sincerely apologizing, and making a true effort to do better. Mistakes in their marriage and in life were acceptable. Refusing to learn from them was not.

In her small village of Willingden, she saw how unique her parent's relationship was. Most men she knew treated their wives as if they were nothing more than maids, with no minds or hearts or interests of their own, and very little need of affection or appreciation. Even Ralph Starling, whom she had known since childhood and whose proposal she came to Sanditon to avoid, would make the occasional comment that she would have to be to be the same, with little to no time or support to do any of the things that made her Charlotte Rose Heywood.

Thankfully, she no longer had to worry about Ralph, or any other man from her home village.

That is, if she kept her word and married Alexander Colbourne.

Could she be happy, married to a man who was still a mystery to her?

Even though he did frustrate her, she had grown over the past weeks to respect and admire him.

He was clearly very well educated and had a wide range of scholarly interests as evidenced by the books in his library and study – ancient Greek and Roman philosophy, world history, astronomy, botany, mathematics, physics, politics, economics, various types of literature, to name just a few. He once had told her she could borrow books – for her lessons as well as her personal use - and engaged her briefly on some of her favorite writings of Shakespeare. Charlotte could not help but be intrigued by his mind.

Servants she had encountered in the house, especially Mrs. Wheatley, had spoken well of him, that he was a fair and conscientious master, though rather reserved. On a few occasions, Charlotte had encountered some of his tenants in Sandition. They knew who she was, and had nothing but good to say of the management of the estate, which apparently Mr. Colbourne was very involved in, despite having a steward. Considering the poor harvests in England the past couple of years, the extra needs of his tenants appeared to be addressed quickly and competently. She could not help but respect him highly for acting as a proper master of an estate should, when far too many did not.

He was the wealthy owner of a large, successful estate which had been in his family for generations. A man in his position would have been raised to expect obedience from those who served him, to not be questioned by those below him in status. And she, someone applying to be an employee – a servant – had challenged him and continued to do so regularly after she was hired. Yet he allowed her to speak like that to him and responded in ways she found – quite - unexpected. She felt he respected her, that he was a man not afraid of or threatened by educated, outspoken, passionate women.

Despite the anger of their final exchange at the garden party, she felt safe in his presence.

Charlotte felt confident, based on what she knew, that Alexander Colbourne would be willing to agree to a marriage that was a partnership, a meeting of equal minds. He would not treat her as if she was a frivolous lady with no thoughts of her own.

There would be desire and physical passion in the marriage, as well as respect and admiration.

She thought again back to their dance. Sidney Parker had looked at her in that manner once – dark eyes staring at her intently. Dark eyes filled with admiration and desire. Charlotte had to admit she was very attracted to Alexander Colbourne, and had been for some weeks. She felt her face turn red, realizing she wanted him, wanted to feel his lips on hers, in the same manner he seemed to want her. But there was something more than physical lust in her feelings. There was also a sense of trust, of steadiness, that this man's feelings and actions toward her could be relied upon - for far longer than a dance, or a day.

If she was not in love with him now, she was on the precipice, ready to fall.

There was a blight on the rose, however, and it was not something she could ignore

What kind of marriage, what kind of future could they have if the ghosts of the past were allowed to interfere? There were only two in a marriage, and no more.

Charlotte had no idea what the truth was about his late wife Lucy, but she was sure Alexander's reserve had to do with her. And having now seen who Lennox really was, she was sure the vile colonel had lied to her.

She sighed, thinking of the ball, when Alexander and Augusta had arrived. Seeing them was very unexpected. She assumed she would go back to Heyrick Park the following day and resign. Instead, there they were, Augusta rushing up to her, looking joyful and excited to be at her very first ball.

"Oh my," Charlotte murmured to the room. She had just realized something important.

Alexander Colbourne came to the ball for her, because his fear of losing her was greater than his fear of the past.

The ball, the garden party, tuning the piano, and even the small picnic were all proof he could make the effort to connect more with others, to do what was right for the girls, despite the pain in his past.

Would he be willing to continue on this path?

Would he willing to share his past with her?

If not, what would she do then? Could she still agree to marry him, if he would not allow her to know all of him?