INTRO:
Wiz: Behind every event is a mastermind. And sometimes when worlds collide, the mastermind mostly has the power of a god.
Boomstick: And apparently, the power is SO great that it blew said mastermind apart, cause these two are nothing but floating body parts.
Wiz: Master Hand, the original final boss of Super Smash Brothers.
Boomstick: And Polygon Man, the forgotten mascot of PlayStation! He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!
MASTER HAND:
Wiz: More than 20 years ago, the boundaries of the gaming universe were shattered. Mario could take on Link. Fox could duel Samus. And Pikachu and Jigglypuff could partake in a NEW Pokemon Battle with no turns.
Boomstick: And the roster's been expanding ever since! From super fast hedgehogs, box-hiding spies, super fighting robots, world renown street fighters, some weird blocky dude, and even the magical boy with the key sword! Hey, it's not Waluigi, but it's close enough.
Wiz: Nintendo's own fighting game was no other, throwing aside healthbars and seeking for off-screen KOs while also collaborating with Konami, Sega, Capcom, Bandai Namco, Square Enix, Microsoft, SNK...and yes, even Disney.
Boomstick: Too bad Sakurai said that was the last one! I wonder what Mickey Mouse would be like. Would he be King Mickey or just Mickey Mickey?
Wiz: In fact, Super Smash Brothers has had many iconic bosses, from both its own series or others.
Boomstick: Aside from dragons, giant robots, a weird ball thing with bugs, and even a blue guy, what the MOST iconic were the flying creepy disembodied hands! Like, who did they belong to?!
Wiz: Sure, Crazy Hand is a close second, but what stands above all else is the one and only...Master Hand.
Master Hand laughs before pointing.
Boomstick: This hand is called "Master" for a damn good reason! It must be because it's the dominant one of the two, and he's done a lot of stuff I wish my hand could do. He can shoot lasers, fire ACTUAL finger bullets, stun you with a finger snap, teleport with said snap, rocket punch you in the face, slap you silly, poke you like you're a phone, and he's strong enough to crush you! He can bury you, make you fall asleep, and even give you a lift with cards. And he can throw stuff, too! Like spiked balls, ink balloons, and even balls of energy!
Wiz: Master Hand is said to be the source of all creation, but given he's just one of MANY Master Hands created by Galeem, the Lord of Light, that must be an understatement.
Boomstick: He doesn't even have to finger you or flip the bird to say you're screwed. Cause if you set it on the highest difficulty, this walking crawling floating hand will absolutely murder you! He's like a kid playing with his toys! And by play, I mean play dirty.
Wiz: He awaits any worthy fighter in a place known only as the Final Destination: A strange dimension that seems to constantly change in each game. It can go from space, the Earth, and the sun to this strange realm of light, darkness, and...pixels.
Boomstick: It might be called Final Destination because Death manipulates this hand into murdering you, but it's got its ass handed to it a LOT. And it doesn't even HAVE an ass!
Wiz: Master Hand has been beaten by the Super Smash Brothers, puppeteered by Tabuu, was possessed by Master Core, and even helped Galeem capture nearly all the fighters.
Boomstick: I tried to warn him about missing the pink puffball of doom!
Wiz: Yet Master Hand isn't ALWAYS a pushover. He's teamed up with his rival Crazy Hand on several occasions, awards the fighter who bested him, and even helped the Super Smash Brothers alongside Crazy Hand to fight back against Galeem and Dharkon.
Boomstick: One's a giant glowing light with wings, the other's a creepy eyeball with spiked tentacles! Believe it or not, they're both evil!
Wiz: Master Hand can be comparable to Crazy Hand, who is strong enough to rip open a hole in space and time and create a black hole. So theoretically, Master Hand should be as strong, if not even stronger. And together, they even drilled a hole through the veil of light and darkness to lift it and clear a path for the Super Smash Brothers.
Boomstick: Wow! To be that strong, he'd have to be like, the literal Hand of God or something! I'd say those feats are crazy, but that's reserved for the other hand.
Wiz: Sure, there might not be much to him than just being a floating hand, but there's no denying that he truly is the Master.
Master Hand defeats Mario in Super Smash Bros Ultimate.
POLYGON MAN:
Wiz: In 1995, during the raging Console Wars between Nintendo and Sega, a third party was plotting to usurp them both. Sony sought to venture into its own version of the gaming industry.
Boomstick: So what better way to make a mascot than to have a giant purple head made of polygons? It was said to be even more powerful than God, with mind-melting intensity, and powerful enough to flip your lid. But instead, it got rejected by a guy called Ken. God damn it, Ken! So the mascot got thrown into the trash bin where it sat collecting dust, instead having MULTIPLE mascots take its place! Like an orange bandicoot, a purple dragon, a cat with a robot, an elf with a weasel, two boy and girl adventurers, and even a super angry albino god murderer!
Wiz: All that time, forgotten and abandoned, it grew into nothing but hatred and jealousy. So, that original mascot began forming a plan that it would take into effect 17 years later. And then, the entire world would know the name...Polygon Man.
Polygon Man: I consider this a role-playing game. Today you'll be playing the part of the pinata.
Boomstick: In his years of isolation, Polygon Man truly became a god-like being. He brought everyone together to battle it out. Although, not everyone. He missed the bandicoot, the dragon, the big chested explorer, and a bunch of others. But he DID get a younger Heihachi Mishima, the WRONG Dante, a psycho murder clown, a monster thing with a drill arm, a super cyborg ninja, a little boy made of stuffing and wool, a good and evil electro man, a fat princess, a dead knight, a racoon thief, and even a GOD! Okay, so he may have screwed up in some parts, but hey. If Kazuya and Snake were already taken by Smash, Polygon Man could just take others from their universe. Oh, and the reason Dante isn't in Smash? You have this giant head to blame.
Wiz: He had Kratos fight Sweet Tooth, Sly Cooper against Nathan Drake, Isaac Clarke against Zeus, Heihachi against Toro Inoue, Raiden against Cole MacGrath, Cole's evil self against Fat Princess, Sackboy against Big Daddy, Colonel Radec against Sir Daniel Fortesque, Kat against Emmett Graves, PaRappa against Spike, Dante against Nariko, and finally, Ratchet and Clank against Jak and Daxter.
Boomstick: Yeah, you can check out how that fight went down here, but this tournament all served a darker purpose: Polygon Man would turn the losers into SLAVES!
Wiz: Eventually, Polygon Man managed to convert all the PlayStation All-Stars into his own minions and rule as the ONLY mascot for PlayStation. All...but one.
Boomstick: It depends on who you play as, but Polygon Man's no slouch! Sure, he can summon minions, but he can also slam his head into the ground and even transform into other beings! Like a giant Hydra, a robot lady, twin turrets, a gorilla robot, a negative being, a god of the underworld, 2D tribesmen, an alien named after the devil and...that's it. Oh come on, he's a head! What else did you expect?! There's gotta be more that he can do! Maybe shoot lasers from his eyes or drill the player with that spiky anime hair?!
Wiz: Well, maybe he can do all of that, but it didn't really matter since that last All-Star managed to defeat Polygon Man and destroy him, freeing the others and absorbing his power for themself: That power being from the AP Orb that holds Polygon Man together.
Boomstick: Yeah, it could either pump up the bodies of some guys like Kratos, Dante, Raiden, and Heihachi, or it could tune up vehicles like Nathan's plane or Murray's van!
Wiz: In the end, however, it seems that Polygon Man got what he truly wanted after all. To be remembered by the world, no matter what part he played.
Polygon Man: Game over.
DEATH BATTLE:
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set! And we've run the data through all possibilities! Let's end this debate once and for all!
Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLLLLEEEEEEE!
…
(Crossover Clash - Brandon Yates)
A massive battle is raging in the Rival / Boss Arena. The PlayStation All-Stars have been corrupted, and 24 Smash fighters charge into battle to fight them.
Banjo and Kazooie battles Jak and Daxter, jumping to dodge fire.
Sonic outruns the RYNO's fire as Ratchet and Clank pursue him.
Link battles Kratos, dodging arrow fire and clashing Blades of Chaos against the Master Sword and Hylian Shield.
Kazuya once again clashes with his father, Heihachi.
Snake fires a missile at Raiden, who only slices it to bits before charging with his katana.
Bayonetta battles Dante, with choreography similar to their similar battle.
Fox fires at Sly Cooper, who only yanks his blaster away with his cane, forcing the fox to resort to unarmed melee combat.
Steve tries surrounding Sackboy with various TNT blocks, but Sackboy only pulls out fans from his Poppit to blow them all away before they explode.
Palutena blocks Zeus' lightning and counters with a powerful laser blast.
Pit battles Cole MacGrath, flying to dodge his lightning, while Dark Pit clashes blades with Evil Cole.
Diddy Kong dodges Spike's net and retaliates with peanut fire.
Mr. Game and Watch battles Parappa, with both 2D combatants barely seen.
With a screech, Ridley slams Big Daddy across the ground, having killed the Little Sister. Samus battles Colonel Radec, Toon Link clashes with Sir Daniel, Peach does a Peach Bomber on Fat Princess' face as a Mage blasts a Toad, and Joker dodges gunfire from Sweet Tooth's shotgun and returns fire with his own pistol.
Kirby battles Toro, Cloud duels against Nariko, Rosalina battles Kat, Mario fights Nathan Drake, Sephiroth takes on Emmet Graves, and Sora takes on Isaac Clarke.
All the while, Polygon Man watches from above on the Final Destination incarnation from Super Smash Brothers Brawl.
Polygon Man: Bwahahahahaha! It's all going to plan! Finally, those fools are going to lose, join me, and together we shall rule the-! AUGH!
He is interrupted when a white hand punches him in the face.
Polygon Man: What?! WHO DARES?!
He hears evil laughter and turns to see Master Hand, who points at him and does a thumbs down.
Polygon Man: You? A mere hand? You lack the brains to challenge me! Well then. I guess it's time to bite the hand that feeds me!
DB Announcer: FIGHT!
Both laugh evilly at the same time before charging, a headbutt against a punch.
Polygon Man: This is no ordinary power you are dealing with! I'll win this battle royale and smash you to pieces!
He breaks the clash and fires lasers from his eyes. Master Hand only dodges, finger walks up to him and flicks his chin before slamming a fist down and firing finger bullets at Polygon Man. He punches, but Polygon Man guards. To respond, Master Hand grabs and throws him onto the stage, dragging him across the floor and making him lose a few polygons.
Polygon Man: A valiant effort, but to no avail.
He dodges a card throw, and the two begin drilling at each other. However, Master Hand manages to poke Polygon Man in the eyes.
Polygon Man: YOW! You ignorant runt!
He transforms into Crazy Hand, who laughs. After tying on all titular items in rock, paper, scissors, both hands fist bump in a clash before grappling, throwing, punching an open palm, and many others. However, Master Hand manages to throw "Crazy Hand" to the platform, who only rises back up and moves the hand like a puppet to speak.
Polygon Man: *evil laughter* You are but one, while I am many!
Polygon Man then transforms into Turbo Cannons, who open fire on Master Hand. He dodges, and throws a green energy orb at both cannons, destroying them and forcing Polygon Man to revert. He headbutts another orb, but Master Hand grabs and slams him repeatedly on the platform. Polygon Man manages to recover and tries to smash Master Hand with his head multiple times, only for the hand to teleport away with a finger snap.
The two then initiate a beam struggle of laser beams, Polygon Man from the eyes and Master Hand in the scissors sign. He gets hit by Polygon Man's beams, but counters with a fierce uppercut to the chin. Polygon Man is sent flying, and Master Hand grabs the platform and lifts it with tremendous strength.
He hits Polygon Man like a baseball, who flies into a nearby moon. Master Hand then flies in with a punch, but Polygon Man blocks it.
Polygon Man: Nope! Denied!
He summons a Polygon All-Star copy of Raiden, who begins slashing at Master Hand. Agitated, Master Hand grabs the copy after fierce combos and throws it at Polygon Man, then stuns him with a finger snap, then slams him to the ground before rocketing forward, giving him floorburn. After circling the moon 100 times super fast, Master Hand spins just as quickly and throws Polygon Man down onto the battlefield.
Polygon Man: How could this happen?! I cannot lose! I am invincible! I am supreme!
He dodges a poke from Master Hand and bites down on the finger, with Master Hand yelling out in pain before flicking Polygon Man off and shaking his wrist. Polygon Man only finds a nearby Smash Ball and eats it, laughing as he absorbs its power.
Master Hand sees this, and shakes his fist.
Polygon Man: Can you survive the mind melting intensity?
He fires a laser beam from his mouth that hits Master Hand right in the palm. Once it stops, Master Hand suddenly can't move as he sparkles with electricity. Slowly, he begins transforming into one of Polygon Man's minions.
Polygon Man: Game over. Hahahahahahahahahaha!
However, despite looking 100% transformed, Master Hand suddenly shatters the polygons around him, clenching into a fist.
Polygon Man: What?! Impossible!
In lightspeed, Master Hand pierces Polygon Man, holding the AP Orb in his grip before crushing it.
Polygon Man: No! It is not possible! NOOOOOO!
He begins glowing before he eventually explodes, falling to pieces. Master Hand then floats down to see the Smash Brothers victorious. The PlayStation All-Stars are freed from the transformation, yet stunned, dazed, and confused about where they are. Mario only turns back to Master Hand.
Mario: Oh yeah!
He gives Master Hand a thumbs up, and Master Hand returns the gesture.
RESULTS:
DB Announcer: KO!
Boomstick: Talk about going out with a bang! Way to squeeze it in there!
Wiz: Polygon Man may have had the numbers in minion support, but he was fairly limited in his own moveset. Transforming WOULD give him an advantage, but some of his forms are nowhere NEAR as strong as Master Hand.
Boomstick: All Polygon Man can do himself is smash you with his head! Master Hand can do a LOT more than that! He can take beating from all the Super Smash Brothers, but all it takes to kill Polygon Man is just ONE PlayStation All-Star! Maybe he should've waited a bit longer.
Wiz: Polygon certainly got his moment to shine, but it's no contest that Master Hand showed him what it really means to be a final boss.
Boomstick: Polygon Man thought he was "headed" down the road to becoming a master, but then he got his comeuppance "handed" to him.
Wiz: The winner is Master Hand.
