Author's Note: Thank you everyone who read and reviewed the story so far. I know the last chapter was a lot to take in. When I originally went to write that chapter, I had meant to make this story relatively short with only a few parts. I'm now beginning to think I might have misjudged myself. I'm not sure now how long it will end up being. I hope that doesn't discourage you from reading it though! As always, I do not own Naruto.
WARNING: DESCRIPTIONS OF TORTURE, HINTS AT RAPE, PTSD, DEPRESSION, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. RATED M FOR A REASON.
TRIGGER WARNING
X
Sakura let out a controlled hiss as pain rocketed through her body originating from the soles of her feet. This particular infliction of pain seemed to be her captor's favorite and she bore the scars to prove it. The kunoichi assumed it served multiple purposes; torture and prevented her from making any meaningful attempts at escape. Not that escape was physically possible for her at this point anyways. Her body was broken, disjointed, and exsanguinated to the point of ruin. Never again would her skin feel plush and velvety beneath her fingertips. A vague corner of her mind wondered if anyone would ever want to touch her in a genuine intimate moment ever again. Unlikely.
What has it been now? A month? Two? She hadn't a clue. In retrospect, she admonished herself for not trying to count meal deliveries or sessions of torture but in the end, those were too unreliable. In theory, she could go days without food, and some forms of torture she had been subjected to already involved social isolation.
Her mind was brought back to focus by another jagged cut at her sole, this one traveling from between her toes to her heel. Each cut varied in depth and in length, tormenting her on multiple levels.
And then, as quick as it had begun, the pain stopped, calloused hands retreating from her limp body.
"You did good today, pinky!" Toothless cheered, wiping a bloodied kunai on his stained shirt. "Same time tomorrow, right?" He laughed for the both of them, hearty and with a surprising amount of warmth.
Sakura merely grunted, unable to respond past her aching vocal cords.
X
Even after a week, Sakura's note still shocked Kakashi. It really shouldn't have. He had seen for himself the multitude of injuries littering her body. Every morning, she'd awaken, screaming herself hoarse until the hospital staff pharmacologically subdued her and the days were spent with her staring them down in complete silence. Even as nurses and doctors poked and prodded at wounds, she did not flinch, or react, or even seem to occupy her own skin.
Faces would come and go, visiting with her, catching her up on the latest news and gossip and yet even as they spoke to her, she remained vacant-eyed. Every once in a while though, a lip would twitch or a gaze softened, especially when her guests were accompanied by children. Most people missed it, but Kakashi, who'd been at her side since she got there, could see the micro expressions.
The rattling in her chest from a terrible case of pneumonia, likely from her damp environment and lack of proper nutrition, was slowly dwindling to the occasion hacking cough with the help of copious IV antibiotics and a carefully constructed diet. Tsunade came in, spoke at her for a few minutes, jotted down some words in her chart and stood to depart with a heavy sigh.
"Inoichi will start daily sessions with you tomorrow under the supervision of a psychotherapist." She had directed it at Sakura, but more for the benefit of Kakashi. While it wasn't standard practice to discuss private medical affairs in front of others, this was an extenuating circumstance.
Kakashi dug the heels of his palms into his eyes attempting to rub the exhaustion from them. He slept very little, always on edge for when Sakura's next episode would erupt.
"Kakashi, you should go home." She turned to the man slouched in the chair. "It's not healthy to sit here and mope around. Don't you have some little old lady to help across the road or something?" It was a lame joke, an attempt to get a smile, a smirk, anything from the guilt-ridden man but it was rewarded with silence as it fell flat. She knew better than to expect him to leave though. "You boys keep an eye on him." She called over her shoulder to the two lounging ANBU agents and she left.
X
"Come now, Blossom. I'm not that bad of company?" Tears welled in her eyes unbidden at this point as the man brushed aside a few strands of hair, uncharacteristically gentle in his touch. "How about you keep me company tonight? It gets lonely here." His voice was soft, but his eyes were hungrily drinking in her broken body.
His hands dropped lower and salty tears began to fall now. No matter how dehydrated she might have been, they would always squeeze their way out.
She let out a strangled sob unable to stop the inevitable.
X
Inoichi stood at the foot of the bed, a doctor in long white robes at his side. "Sakura-san, I'll be using the mind transfer jutsu to assess any potential security risks." He always felt it was better for them to understand what exactly he was doing. They had gone through enough pain and trauma for him to just invade their private thoughts and memories without an explanation. "If I'm able to, I can try to seal off some memories, but it might not be possible… given the extent."
"Wiping out an entire year of memories would also be counterproductive to progressing emotionally as well." The doctor added. Sakura's gaze drifted between the two idly.
"Anyways, we'll be seeing you everyday for a while until we can sort through it all. We can always give you a day or two if you need to stop and process." The doctor nodded in agreement. "As I shift through your memories, you might feel some resurfacing. That's normal." Sakura affixed her gaze on Inoichi. He wouldn't like what he was to see.
Kakashi hovered anxiously behind them. He had only left to eat, bath and shit at this point.
"Kakashi-san, you will have to wait in the hall. Doctor-patient confidentiality." The doctor smiled though there was little warmth in it, likely a side effect from years dealing with trauma patients.
Kakashi nodded, and rose from his chair to the hall. There was nothing he could do for her; not then and not now. And so, like before, he left her behind.
X
The Yamanaka male had never quite seen a mindscape so inflamed before. The landscape was blackened, singed by a fire long extinguished and stretched for miles with nothing in sight in any direction. Hues of amber and vermillion stained the sky, scattered with gray wispy clouds. A slip of a figure materialized beside him and he was surprised to see the pink haired kunoichi standing at his side, quite docile.
"This emptiness, is it a result of a seal?" Sakura looked at him with searching eyes. "It's my best guess, but I'm not a master of seals." Inochi continued to muse. "And since you are the only thing in here, I would assume you are the seal."
Emerald eyes simply watched him, giving away nothing.
"Ino has told me once of your Inner. A rather unique phenomenon I've never quite seen before." He looked at her. "Would you be Sakura's Inner?"
At her silence, he nodded. "Well then, if you are her, guarding her mind, would you mind showing me what happened the day you were captured? We need to make sure you weren't compromised during your extended absence."
The scenery began to melt around them, fading away into an inky expanse.
X
The pain erupting from her shoulder was unbearable, with every small movement, the blade tore into muscle bone just a little more. Her vision was beginning to spot, lack of blood supply making her faint. She hardly felt the bodies piled on top of her, nor when they had hauled her up either.
One moment it was all black, and the next, a blue light was beckoning her forth. She had responded, taking steps forward into the light and then suddenly, she was back in darkness, though this was a much more sinister kind. This darkness was colder, rougher, than the warm all consuming one from moments ago.
"Ah, Haruno-san, I was unsure if I'd be able to resuscitate you. Your wounds were quite substantial."
Sakura strained against unsympathetic chains.
"I wouldn't try that." The voice cautioned, drawing her sharp eyes to a lean male standing at her side. His brown eyes were soft and from the looks of him, he was not a fighter. His body that wasn't hardened or scarred like shinobis' bodies should be. "You'll open your wounds again. For now, rest." A glowing blue fingertip pressed against her temple and the warm darkness swallowed her whole.
X
Inochi took an instinctive step back after returning his consciousness to his own body. He had long since mastered remaining upright while the jutsu worked, but it was always jarring to step back into his own skin.
"How was the mindscape?" The doctor was straight to business as always. They had worked closely together over the years and had developed their own distinct psych eval forms to fit the Yamanaka jutsu.
"It was unique; empty charred field, red skies. No doors, buildings, boxes for miles. It was peculiar though, Sakura was in it."
The doctor piqued a carefully trimmed brown eyebrow as he scribbled furiously on the forms. "Were you able to glean any information?"
Inoichi pursed his lips. "It seems the Inner Sakura is the gatekeeper to the memories. She allowed me to see one of the memories from the time of her capture." It wasn't much at all; she'd spent a majority of her beginning times under enemy care unconscious.
"Ah, let's return to my office then. We'll discuss specifics there."
Inoichi nodded and turned to Sakura who was watching him carefully. He did a slight bow. "Thank you very much, Sakura-san, for showing me your memory."
Sakura's jade eyes grazed over the man, acknowledging nothing and so the two men took their leave, whispering in hushed tones as they disappeared outside of her room.
Kakashi had returned promptly upon the exit of the other two immediately and she suddenly felt very exposed for the first time in a long time. Not only had a memory been exposed but the thin teal patterned hospital gown was too big and the collar plunged dangerously low on her chest, revealing the top portion of her scarred breasts. She shifted uncomfortably, the restraints making it impossible for her to have any control over her coverings.
As the silver haired man advanced on her, she felt her pulse ticking up, the monitor in the room reflecting the increase. Her jaw tightened, her breathing turned to anxious pants. He was within arms reach now and as his hand came up, her eyes clamped shut.
She felt the scratchy material being tugged up and she fought a whimper. And then, nothing. There was no touching. No pain. Her eyes shot open. He had adjusted the gown to give her body some semblance of modesty.
Kakashi took his seat diligently at her side though he looked worse for wear. Dark bags drooped under his guilt-ridden eyes, his hair uncharacteristically limp, clothing disheveled and wrinkled. Ever since the note, his guilt returned tenfold, eating at any semblance of peace he had left. After all, this was all a matter of his own doing. He could have stayed, he could have fought, he could have tried, for fucks' sake.
But he hadn't.
X
Charred flesh was a smell that Sakura didn't think she'd ever forget, especially since it was her own. The little pink hairs at the nape of her neck stood on end as a red hot branding poker was aimed at her body having just been withdrawn from flames to begin another assault on her body.
"Hmmm," The poker waved close enough to her body for it to feel the warmth it radiated as it traveled up and down her body, searching for a place to embed itself. "Shall we do a hand?" The poker tip brushing a palm. "Or perhaps a thigh?" It kissed the skin between her legs high enough for her to feel the heat near her sex. "Or maybe, your pretty little face? Mark it as mine forever." His voice purred into her ear, his body pressing into hers from behind.
Since her chains hung her from the middle of the room, he had access to virtually every inch of her body. His cold fingers brushed her lengthy hair over her shoulder, sending goosebumps traveling the length of her spine and he chuckled darkly at the reaction. Lips brushed against the back of her neck before searing pain replaced it within seconds.
Screams erupted from her mouth as nerve endings were beginning to singe and then the metal was removed. The cold air soothed the new wound momentarily.
"Ah, my dear, your voice is as lovely as always. Won't you scream for me again?"
Searing lava coursed through her veins as the metal connected once more on the skin overtop a protruding shoulder blame. Oh how she wanted to fight the shrieks that followed, but there was no energy for such resistance anymore.
X
Author's Note: I'd love to know what you all think of this chapter! I'm gonna be adding in some of my own thoughts as well down here and some clarifications to things, maybe a little explanation here or there.
I thought Chapter 2 was going to be the end of the torture flashbacks, but I rather like how they break up the story line a little bit and give more insights to her trauma.
This chapter, I wanted to take a step towards recovery. Sakura's first step was the revealing of one of her memories. To this end, I took the liberty of keeping Inoichi alive and well.
Personally, I really liked the idea that 'Inner Sakura' was a gatekeeper to Sakura's memories. I know in the anime 'Inner' was more outspoken and loud, but I think the muted, serious version reflects who she became through everything.
For all intents and purposes, I've decided randomly that Sakura is 30 years old and Kakashi is 44. She's accomplished enough to be in ANBU, matured in many ways. Her and Sasuke obviously never got together and she has no kids.
