i am so sorry for the long wait. in return you get the longest chapter i have ever posted in my life - basically 13k works, jesus christ. enjoy the final chapter of silent storms!

The day is such a peaceful one. The crisp autumn wind makes for an excellent atmosphere to ride in, the sun shines like a bright orange ray of hope in the sky, and the trills and buzzes of different birds fill the air like a pretty, melodious jingle. It's a shame that you're spending this beautiful day outside Wall Rose.

This is your third time outside the walls, but thankfully, this isn't a full expedition, just a simple routing mission. The only people here besides the commander are Levi Squad and two other groups including yours. The goal of the mission is to plot out a new path to one of the abandoned bases in the hope of creating some kind of foundation there. If the Scouts can replenish the area with the necessary materials, then it could become a well-guarded stronghold on major outings.

Except, two out of three paths to it are inaccessible, one because it's been overrun completely by titans and would be impossible to ride through, and the other because the terrace is rocky and unstable. The only viable option now is through a forest clearing, one which you stand outside of with the rest of the people assigned to this mission.

Right at the entrance of the shady forest, Erwin and Levi are engaged in a heated debate.

"Just let me go."

"No. You know as well as I do that in there, they'll be on top of you before you know it, and I'm not compromising you like that."

There are heavy risks for whoever decides whether or not the path can be used or not. Most likely, they'll be able to communicate their response through a signal flare, but it's also likely they'll be surrounded before they even realize it and won't actually be able to make it out.

"I'll be quick. I'm not going to get eaten, you know I'm not."

"Levi." Erwin sighs, rubbing his temple. "I can't send you in alone."

"Sending in two people is just double the risk. It's a one person job."

"Let me go," Oluo, one of the people on Levi's squad, says, "I can -"

"No," both men snap at the same time. Erwin holds up a hand as Oluo begins to protest.

"I appreciate the bravery, but this simply isn't worth getting any of the Special Operation squad members killed. And at the same time, I don't think anyone else could manage it. Just…let me think for a second."

Ricky whistles under his breath, murmuring in a low voice to you. "I don't see how he's strategizing his way out of this one."

He glances at you for a response, but you only bite your lip thoughtfully, not really processing what he's saying. You're focusing on the trees ahead, the space between them, how far one would have to get into the forest to confirm whether or not it was safe.

"I can do it," you cut in, stepping up to the squabbling couple.

Erwin and Ricky both speak at once.

"Excuse me -"

"Absolutely not -"

"I can," you insist, attaching your blades to the holsters already. "I'm good enough, and I'm expendable. Frankly, I'm your best shot."

Erwin's eyes narrow, both in contemplation and at the light dig at his willingness to protect the elite squad. He switches his attention to the path ahead, clearly thinking about every single possibility and the benefits and consequences of what will happen if he lets you go.

Levi, for his part, looks impassive. He gives you a quick once over, determining how serious you are. You make sure all he sees is your earnestness. Dedicate your heart, isn't that what you're supposed to do? Well, here you are doing exactly what the Survey Corp is known and admired (and hated) for doing. All the captain is going to find is your courage as a Scout. Dark tufts of hair fall into his eyes as he finally tears them away from you and looks at Erwin for the verdict.

"(F/N) is pretty good with her gear," Gunther says. Petra voices her agreement. You flash a thankful smile at them, grateful for the support from your former cadets in training.

Erwin locks eyes with Levi. The shorter man sets his jaw, but to your surprise, he nods slowly.

"She can handle it."

The commander nods, beckoning you forward. He points towards the clearing, pointing you in the direction you're supposed to go towards. Then he informs you which flares to use - green if the clearing is safe, red if it isn't, and black if it isn't and you won't be able to make it back. Just so they have the convenience of knowing they don't have to wait for you, of course.

Ricky keeps looking at you with an almost betrayed look in his eyes, like you're basically signing yourself off to an early death. Which, sure, maybe you are, but it wouldn't kill him to cool it with the guilting. You're not suicidal for God's sake, and you are confident enough that you can do this. And if you can't...well, then you can't.

Rolling your shoulders back, you take a deep breath, shoot your cables forward, and fly into the forest. The last thing you do is catch a look at Levi, whose shoulders are tense as he watches you with creased eyebrows. You'd pay almost anything to know what he's thinking at this moment. Is he worried about you? About the mission? Is he confident that you'll be able to do this? Or does he feel the same way Ricky does? God, if only he'd give you some kind of clue.

For a minute, you fly straight forward, carefully scanning the area around you. A mix of green and brown hues greet you at every angle, with some orange and yellow splashed in for extra flair. You follow the path, zipping from tree to tree. Moving around with the gear has all but lost its enjoyment. It just isn't the same - there aren't any butterflies in your stomach, and the vast sky above seems like an unreachable dream rather than a witness to your newly achieved freedom.

This isn't just an issue with using the ODM gear. It's everything. You don't feel meaningless, because you have something to work towards now, but you are painfully aware of how naive you'd been. Before, life had been a miracle, one that you intended to take advantage of and live to the fullest. But after figuring out just how cruel life could be, and how easily it could be taken away, the beauty of the world fell flat in comparison to the horrifying realities that awaited everyone.

Ricky calls it depression. You think it's just a wake-up call.

An open area greets you, a grassland smack in the middle of the forest. For a brief moment, you shoot straight up into the air. Now on eye-level with the branches, you take just a second to breathe in the air and try to regain the sense of peace you'd been able to feel when you did this before your first expedition.

All that does is remind you of a green-eyed boy, pumping his fist and calling out for you to look, he did it!

Shit, you can't be thinking about him right now. The whole point of agonizing over his death at night was so that it wouldn't distract you from your daily tasks. You have to focus, especially out here.

Case in point, a titan is reaching up to grab you.

With a gasp, you fire a cable blindly, as high up as you can. You're yanked away from the muddy hand reaching out for you just in time and tugged onto a high branch that is a safe distance away from the one -

Not the one.

The many.

There are nearly two dozen in the path going forward, and now that they've noticed you, they're all staggering towards the tree that you've made your temporary safe haven. They all crowd around on each side, and in an instant you're surrounded. In one direction, titans completely block your sight, probably taking up the rest of the way out of the forest. And in the other direction, exactly eight of them stare up at you, blocking your road back to the others.

And just like that, things have become hopeless.

You curse under your breath, and then load up the flare gun before firing off a stream of black smoke. Looks like there will be no way for the Survey Corp to get to their desired destination.

Goddammit, you'd hoped you would live longer than this.

Now you're here, in the middle of nowhere, sitting on a branch awaiting your doom. What would be the best way to go out? To drop down and let them have you is out of the question - a sharp, gripping fear seizes your heart at the very thought of being eaten. So then maybe you should just stay here until you get weak due to starvation. But that might end with you falling off due to fatigue anyways, either to get grabbed or hit the ground in a fall that would surely break most of the bones in your body. And the third option…

You take a look at the blade in your hand. If this is the most painless option, it might just be the one you take.

Leaning back against the hard bark of the tree, you let out a humorless laugh, running a hand through your hair. So this, surrounded by nature's blessings and its abominations, is how you meet your end. It hasn't been a bad life, but you can hardly blame yourself for hoping it could have been more.

You could have mended your relationship with your mother. Could have seen more of the world within the walls, so small but still such a vast area to explore. And maybe you could have told him that you might be in...well. All of that means nothing now.

The reality of it all is just setting in when you hear a whiz from down below, and with wide eyes you see the titan furthest from you drop down to the ground.

Emerging like the moon on the darkest of nights, Levi flies up after his kill, landing with all the grace of an imposing dictator conquering a kingdom. He shows no signs of tire as he reaches his hand out for you. "Get up."

You blink a couple of times, mouth opening and closing as you try to process what's happening. Not wanting to test his patience, you grab his hand and stand. Grey eyes betray nothing of what he's thinking, so you're forced to ask.

"Did the commander tell you to come after me?" His shoulders tense at the question. "Or did you decide to -"

"Doesn't matter," he cuts in smoothly, "now pay attention. We're going to get out of here." The statement is thrown out so straightforwardly, so matter of factly as though there's no possible situation in which you two don't survive. The confidence that the captain has ignites some in you as well, dangerous hope bubbling in your chest that you might not die.

Levi hunches down on the branch and you join him, following his finger as he gestures below. "There's seven of them on this side. We move out now, before the rest have a chance to gather. I can take down those four on the left. I'm leaving the other three to you. And before you say it, I know that we run the risk of getting our wires tugged down and damaged. That's why we're not going to use them. Dangerous as all fuck? Yes. But that's our only choice. You'll have about ten seconds to kill all three of them in a row without getting grabbed. Look at me," he demands, complete authority in his voice. "Will you do it?"

Not a question about your capabilities, just your willingness.

These are his orders. Your superior is commanding you to do something, and he is asking you if you believe in him enough to follow him into battle. The simplicity of it all baffles you, especially when you properly consider the question. It is breathtakingly alarming how quickly you know the answer.

Of course you trust him. In this kind of situation, in any kind of situation, you can't think of a single person you would trust more than him.

You lock eyes with Levi. "I'll do it."

That's all he needs.

Standing side by side, it only takes a minute for you both to figure out the angles you'll need to plummet down at. The takedown will include one quick change of blades to pull off successfully, but you're not nervous. Levi isn't, and you let his faith in you guide your every move as you wait one second, then drop.

Down you go, plunging directly towards giant, smeared fingers. Swerving to avoid them, you raise your right arm, hold, and then slash.

One.

The next one requires a midair tumble to slip between its hands, a feat you barely pull off with your life, only to spin with your left arm and cut the nape with a loud snarl.

Two.

Whoever said third time's the charm must have been off their rocker, because discarding your old blades, hooking on new ones and literally hanging upside down to totally lacerate the next titan's skin may just be one of the hardest things you've ever had to do.

Three.

Holy shit, you actually managed it.

Weaving to face your path home, you puff out a huge gasp of air, every muscle in your arms protesting, begging you to finally hook your wires in before you hit the ground. But this time - actually, never again will you celebrate too early.

You crane your head in time to see Levi watching his final victim fall beneath his feet. Seven titans lay dead under you, never to rise again. He did what he said he would, and so did you.

It happens almost in slow motion. One of the smaller ones, well hidden by the foliage, emerges from behind the tree, and reaches out for Levi.

Without even seeing him in action, you know his instincts are beyond sharp. You know his chance of dying out here is low. Holy fuck, this is Captain Levi you're talking about, getting grabbed by a titan is certainly not going to be how he dies.

Knowing that does nothing to stop the immediate panic that overtakes you. You fire your cables immediately, straight into the titan's arms, hurtling towards it, right past him, to rip its greedy fucking fingers right from its hand. Levi grunts in surprise, but without a moment's hesitation he ducks down and lets you slice it, before grabbing your arm and throws you as hard as he can towards the clearing.

You get your bearings before you can crash, attaching your hooks into the tree and pulling yourself up. With a gasp of relief, you fall back against the bark, panting harshly. He follows, dropping next to you, breathing heavily not from exertion but adrenaline.

He's alive. He's alive and you're alive and that's all you care about right now.

"Good eye," are the only words he spares you for the hellish thirty seconds you both just went through. In this moment, the comment is equivalent to a giant pile of presents.

Ricky pulls you in a suffocating, bonecrushing hug when you come back, muttering in your ear to please never do that again and how if you want to be an idiot, the circus is still an option. Over these delightful acclamations, you almost miss the meaningful look Erwin gives Levi when he thinks you're distracted.

It's only later you'd learn that the second you left, Levi informed the commander that no matter the color of the smoke, he was going to go in, claiming that he didn't invest so much time in a soldier just for her to die in some dingy forest. Erwin hadn't protested, only given him a long look that Ricky assumed was only for Levi to understand.

Honestly, you have no idea what to make of this revelation. All you can really focus on is how well the two of you worked together, and how easily you'd follow him to the ends of the earth if he asked you to.


Maybe Levi should have seen it coming, but she does have a knack for surprising him, so he doesn't give himself too much slack when she asks if he'd like to join her for a walk across the grounds.

"Normal time," she'd told him. This meant six in the morning. A rather spry time for both of them.

For a while they pace silently, and he takes the time to reflect on how nostalgic this feels. A little more than a year ago, they'd been doing exactly this, walking and talking, usually with her sprightly voice filling the air with complaints about how her instructor was giving someone else special treatment and terrible jokes told in poor taste but passed off as classy. Always come on, spar with me again, mighty veteran or you like me so much it's embarrassing, lieutenant. Always a victorious gleam in her irises whenever she managed to draw a chuckle out of him.

This time, she's silent, lost in thought, and Levi has no idea how to carry or even start a conversation the same way she does. That isn't to say the silence is uncomfortable. He feels serene enough, but a part of him wonders if she's waiting for him to say something.

"Thank you," she blurts eventually, looking sideways at him, "for saving me."

Levi clicks his tongue. "Don't act like I did you a favor."

"You did." For the first time in a long time, her expression is amused. "So thank you. And thank you for...last time."

"You already said thanks for that."

"And what'll you do if I say it again?"

"I'll -" he begins but cuts himself off, taken aback by the pure joy on her face as she teases him. The skin around her eyes crinkled, nose scrunched up gently, and a small smile playing on her lips. Oh, he's missed that expression. He'd almost forgotten just how fucking pretty she looks whenever she's actually happy.

Unwittingly, his gaze flickers down to her mouth.

Her throat bobs as she watches him, face exceedingly close to his. "What?"

It would be far too easy to break this moment and kiss her, snatching away the smile he hasn't seen in weeks. Levi has a lot more self control than that, thanks very much. Like hell if he's going to ruin her mood now. Shit, it would help if the rising sun would quit making her skin glow like the northern lights up in the snowy mountains, though.

"I'll leave," he informs her, flicking her cheek, "so don't say it again."

(F/N) laughs, actually laughs, as he walks ahead of her. "Fine." She jogs up behind him, letting out a content sigh. "You're really stubborn, you know that? Get into a lot of fights as a kid?"

"Of course I did."

"Oh, Captain Levi. Taking names even back then, weren't you?"

By now he's caught on to this tactic of hers. Start by lightly teasing him about one thing or the other, then kindly pry about his life in the hopes that he'll reveal something that he hasn't told her yet. It's something he's willing to indulge her in usually, but not today. Today it's his turn.

"You're always asking about my childhood." Coming to a stop, Levi beckons her forward and they both take a seat on the grass below. "Tell me about yours."

Her hands clench around the lea surrounding them as she starts rubbing individual blades of green. "What's there to tell? There was a society function at least once a month and I slid down the banister a hundred times a day. Not much else to it." Her expression becomes thoughtful. "Sometimes I'd have dancing lessons, sometimes piano. Along with all my regular studies, of course. If I performed exceptionally well at everything, my mother would get me a new dress at the end of every month."

"Your mother." Up until now, the woman has been almost like a fairytale villain to him, someone who is undoubtedly selfish, but who he doesn't really know anything about. "Did she always bribe you with gifts?"

A small chuckle tumbles from her lips. "No, mostly it was with punishments." When his eyes narrow, she hurriedly continues. "Nothing serious. I couldn't have meals, or couldn't go out to meet with a friend, or she just locked me in my room for the day."

Sure, he has no idea what a normal childhood is supposed to look like, but these punishments certainly sound serious enough to his ears. And yet she's as nonchalant about it as she is about nearly everything else.

"The earliest one I can remember is when someone from the Survey Corp came to our house to tell us my father had died. I started crying right there, in front of everyone, and naturally she was embarrassed, so she locked me in my room and told me I could come out when I composed myself." An uncharacteristic hardness covers (F/N)'s eyes. "Because of that, I didn't cry over him for too long. Why would I, anyways? He's the one who left me to her parenting so he could chase his dream of being a hero. Mama had the right idea. I guess she did the best she could with a misbehaving brat." When she looks up, he can see the pain cleverly hidden away in her face, raw and open to him for the first time ever.

So many things fall into place, then.

She wasn't being cold or strong when she didn't cry for her friend, she was just composing herself like she'd been told to do all her life. She told so many jokes because she'd rather laugh than dwell on things that have already happened, because she doesn't know how to process them, not really. She reacted so strongly to hearing about Kenny leaving him because she harbors that same bitterness towards her father, the resentment of being left behind. She's not a ball of sunshine - she's brave, charismatic, and much tougher than he's ever given her credit for. She isn't the happy go lucky woman he's mistaken her to be all this time - no, she's someone who has truly had to teach herself how to be selfless, and he doesn't think he's ever admired a person more.

"Your mother didn't do her best," he says honestly, "you did."

This, finally, renders her speechless. Levi has been trying for years and has only succeeded a couple of times to put her at a loss for words. This particular victory tastes sweeter than any of the others, if only because of the shining gratitude in her bright orbs.

Being uncaring is hardly an option anymore. How can it be, when all he wants is to keep her close? Not in a romantic way, that is an unrealistic notion now that they're both in the same boat, where either of them could die any day. No, he just - he wants to be there for her, and the most self-serving part of him wants her to be there for him too. Being in a relationship is out of the question, yes, but there are other realistic, more practical options. One way in particular, that utilizes her talents and heightens her chances of survival. One that she's proved herself capable of already, and is well-suited for.

All it will take is a few words to Erwin, that's all.


You try to recall, but you can't seem to remember anything you've done wrong these past few weeks. If anything, you've been on your best behavior. And completely effortlessly too, because it doesn't take any effort to just go through the day and do what's expected of you.

So you're completely bewildered on why the commander has summoned you to his office. You comb through the past week - most days you had done what you were assigned to, but yesterday you had switched with Ricky, taking his kitchen duty instead of helping with the new recruits. That can't actually be a serious offense, people switch duties without reporting it all the time.

You're convinced that Erwin has it out for you now.

After one knock on his door, you hear his deep voice say, "Come in, (L/N)." How he knows it's you, you have no idea. Ignoring the questions blossoming in your mind, you step in and close the door behind you.

"What can I do for you, Commander?" you ask, a lot more bold than you actually feel.

He stares at you for a couple of seconds before speaking. "How are you adjusting?"

Niceties must be his forte. Sure, you can appreciate a conversation starter when you see one. However, irritatingly enough, he's one of the few people who can say them genuinely, openly, without hiding the fact that there is something more important to discuss. He can get away with it because he's just that charismatic, and that's something to admire, you suppose. "As well as any new recruit, sir."

"Is it too much?"

For the life of you, you can't figure out what his game is. Commander Erwin definitely does not have the time to go through every single soldier and ask them about their mental health. So what exactly is he hoping to gain out of asking you this?

"It's fine, sir."

"Good. Because I have a proposition for you. Would you be able to join Levi Squad? It would be effective immediately."

Oh.

No.

The tone, his voice, it's all far too cavalier - too nonchalant for what he just dropped on you. You do understand that this is not a man who is fazed by everyday things, having seen too much. But still, it was him who'd told you not to expect special treatment. It was him who'd told you in no uncertain terms that you should not expect to be put under Levi's command. And now he asks not if you're willing, but whether or not you're able. He can hardly blame you for reacting like this, with wide eyes and a frown quickly forming on your face. There is a sinking feeling in your stomach, and you're forced to collect yourself before responding.

"I'm not sure I'd be up for it," you begin, but then you remember the incident a few weeks back. "Is this because I volunteered to go through the forest? Because that was -"

"That's one part of it, yes. We need people who are willing to take risks. But more importantly, you and Levi worked well together, which is to be expected given that he gave you private lessons. Levi himself requested this, but I assure you I have thought about it carefully."

Deep blue eyes seem to be telling you that he doesn't only do things because his best friend (or whatever they are to each other) asks him to. It feels like a comeback to the slight you'd made towards him outside the forest. What a gratifying moment this is, to know that the commander remembers things like this and brings them out later, when he knows the perfect time to strike.

This is all so wrong, for so many reasons.

To his credit, he picks up on your hesitancy. "Can I have your answer by tonight?"

You meet his eyes. Fickle hearts don't last long, hadn't that been what he said to you? If he knows that your heart isn't in it, then why does he feel the need to put this decision on your shoulders?

Right, because Levi asked him to.

With a quiet murmur of assent, you turn on your heel and exit the office.


Grey clouds are rolling in. That means they're due for some kind of shitty freak storm. Great, that's just the morale booster that everyone needs.

On the bright side, time does seem to be flying today. His paperwork is basically completing itself, even if there's still a large stack left to do. He might even try to sneak some tomato soup from the kitchens once he finally finishes up. Between the three of them, Mike definitely has the most humane working schedule, with Levi teetering somewhere between not passing out at any given moment and just not sleeping at all, and Hange coming in dead last as quite possibly the most unhealthy person he's ever met. See, unlike her, at least he's trying not to die.

After one particularly cumbersome report, he pushes the pen back and lets his shoulders sag, fighting the temptation to simply hit his head on the desk hard enough to knock himself out. Time is flying, yes, but it's still one of those mundane, dull days.

The door opens with a flourish, and (F/N) walks in purposely, slamming it shut behind her.

He raises a brow. Maybe not so mundane.

Something - is that betrayal? - dances in her eyes. Never has she given him that look. Anger, yes. Sadness, yes. Never betrayal.

"What is it?" he asks, to the point. Perhaps it's crass. But what possible reason does she have to glare at him like that, in a way that makes his heart clench?

She stands there, in a uniform with the wings of freedom emblem that's begun to look like a natural part of her. One fist clenched, feet planted, staring at him from across the room.

"Why…" The words seem to die on her throat, but taking a deep breath, she continues. "Why did you ask the commander to move me to your squad?"

Levi's brows furrow. This can't be what she's upset over. As far as he can tell, being promoted to the special operations squad is a good thing unless someone really really wants to die early on. "Why the hell do you think? I don't want your skills wasted."

"I'm not that good. More importantly, I...I'm not here for the right reasons, remember? When everything's gone to shit, you won't be able to count on me."

There she goes again. "Why do you do that?" he demands. "Act like you're the scum of the earth? You joined the fucking Survey Corp. You've put your life on the line for humanity. Is it that hard to admit you're a good person?"

"I'm not," she spits out, "don't act like you know me. And don't think that I don't realize why you're really doing this."

In a split second, his fingers tense and his eyes turn cold. Whatever the hell she's implying, he doesn't like it, not one bit, especially if it's what he's thinking.

"Enlighten me. Why am I doing this, (L/N)?"

Like a viper sinking its teeth into its victim, she strikes.

"Because you're a goddamn coward. You want us to be together, but you're scared of being in a relationship. So this is your second choice, to make me your fucking burden." The words escape her as though they're poison. "Since we can't be in a relationship, you thought that this was the next best thing. Isn't that right?"

Bingo.

Damn her.

Damn how perceptive she is.

Damn how well she knows him.

Fine. Two can play at that game.

Slowly getting to his feet, he accuses her in a drawl, enmity dripping from his tone. "So I'm a coward. This coming from the woman who constantly denies her own morality because she's afraid of dying like a sacrificial lamb. So scared of being just another face that you'll actually pretend like you joined the Scouts for some selfish reason when it's painfully obvious that you did it to protect your friends. You're the fucking coward, shitty brat." Leaning over the desk, he makes sure she's looking at him before he hisses, "And just for the record, (L/N), I do know you, even better than you know yourself."

There.

Levi doesn't regret things, he doesn't, but this might be the closest he's come to it in a long time.

Oh.

Something abruptly erupts in him as she recoils at his words, a primal urge to pull her close and both apologize and tell her what he's just realized. Not just tell her, but show her, with his mind, soul and body. Shit. Shit, did it really take hurting her for him to realize this? This isn't the moment. There should never be a moment like this. But it's happening despite his best wishes, and it's wonderful and petrifying at the same time.

Her jaw works frantically as she glares at him with the most furious expression he's ever seen on her.

"Fuck you," she says, voice shaking. "You don't get to call me a coward."

He doesn't answer. To be frank, he can't pinpoint when he got worked up. He can't even decide when the moment came that he physically couldn't stand seeing her unhappy, especially if he was the source of it. He doesn't know how this happened, when it happened, why it happened. His breath is knocked out of him in a rush because -

Levi doesn't know when he fell in love with her.

Hiding her face, she turns, oblivious to how his heart has stopped beating. Or maybe it's beating for the first time in his life. Either way, she is blissfully unaware, her back to him, one hand on the doorknob. She doesn't open it, just stands there as he basks in this epiphany.

"What are you waiting for?" It's amazing how quickly the fight has left him, how gentle his words have suddenly become.

Similarly, she speaks softly. "Your dismissal, sir."

Levi wants to walk over to her, tug her into his chest, apologize profusely, and then kiss her until there's no doubt in her mind that he's in love with her.

Instead, he says, "Dismissed," and watches her leave.

She's right. He is a fucking coward.

He needs to take a walk.


Your heart is pounding, even as you sink down on the grass below.

After running, from what exactly you aren't sure, you've found yourself on the absolute edge of the base, away from any weapons and dangerous pieces of paper, just on the brink of a normal life.

It's not that you want such a life. You've never really craved normalcy. But it's as Levi said - you're a coward, and pretending that you do want to live frivolously prevents you from coming to the horrifying realization that you haven't been self-obsessed in a long, long time.

Goddammit, this is so fucked up. Most people don't have entire breakdowns when faced with the possibility that they might actually be selfless. But then again, most people don't look Humanity's Strongest dead in the eyes and accuse him of being emotional and cowardly. Most people aren't brave enough - or stupid enough - to make such lovely decisions. But you, no, you are both brave and stupid enough. It's also the truth. Levi didn't deny any of it, and that makes it all the more terrible. He likes you, but he's not foolish, not reckless enough to begin something that will, without a doubt, end poorly. You wish you could be practical too, but the truth is…

The truth is you want to take those risks.

If one of you could die, you want to die thinking of the moments you shared with him. If people would disapprove, you want to hold his hand tightly and continue to walk with your head held high. If all the two of you can share is painful, overwhelming grief, then you want to break your promise to him and cry into his chest until your eyes are a violent shade of bloody red.

But if all that is not what he wants, then there is absolutely nothing you can do. Is it better to distance yourself from him completely and to try and move on? Or is it better to do things his way, dedicate your heart to him in all the ways except the way you want, and follow him until the day said heart finally stops beating?

When you look down, your hand is hovering right over where you need it. You tentatively place it on your chest and try to imagine what happens when the worst possible situation inevitably comes to your door. Titans, bearing down on all sides, with the possibility of even one survivor being a blessing sent from above. When it comes down to this, and the time comes for you to choose between your own life and his, who would you choose?

Because if you can't choose him, then you can't do this.

And you don't think you can -

"(F/N)?" A soft voice breaks you out of your reverie.

Turning your head, you come face to face with Petra, who is gazing at you with a friendly smile. Her familiarity puts you at ease, at least until you remember that she is part of the very same squad that is causing you such turmoil.

"Can I sit?" she asks, and you gesture for her to go ahead. "I was just on my way inside when I saw you here. Something on your mind?"

You consider for a second, then shake your head. "No. Just appreciating the view."

Petra hums in some form of agreement, and you two both sit with your knees hunched to your chests, watching the outlines of the town beyond. For a few seconds, you wonder if she is worrying about something too, but one glance at her proves you wrong. Petra looks peaceful above all else, eyes closing briefly as she enjoys the breeze on her face. Seeing her takes you back to another redhead, the excruciating memories awakening a fresh new turbulence within you.

Stephen believed in you. He would have told you that you'd be good on the Special Operations Squad. That you're sure of.

"Has Commander Erwin already come to you with the offer?"

Surprised, you turn to her with knitted brows. "You know about that?"

"The whole squad knows. We were told that there'd be a new member, and everyone pretty much assumed it'd be you after the forest incident."

Right. The forest incident. The first time you'd worked with Levi, and miraculously successfully at that. It is natural to assume you'd be the mystery new recruit after that.

"And what do you think about that?" you question her gently, willing that she doesn't see the raw insecurity in your eyes. "Do you think I match up to any of you? Especially to you - you're a natural. What if I mess up the balance that you guys have formed? What if my joining actually weakens the group?"

She looks surprised, but the expression is quickly replaced by a wry one as she leans in. "I thought the same thing initially. But then I remembered that Captain Levi reported nine dead titans between the two of you."

"That was all his strategy -"

"(F/N)," she presses, "I don't know about you, but none of the rest of us were ready to fight nine titans at the snap of a finger just because the captain told us to, especially not the very first time we went out with him."

What she's trying to say, you have no idea. So you trusted your gut enough to follow the strongest soldier in the world into battle, that's no big feat. "I didn't really have any other options."

Petra purses her lips thoughtfully.

"You didn't, but he did."

You frown.

"What do you mean -"

"He trusts you. He knows you. I don't think he would have gone after you if he didn't have faith that the two of you would come out on top. And I've never seen him trust anyone that wasn't Commander Erwin so implicitly. He trained you, he spent time with you. I don't know how close you two are, or if you'd even consider him a friend, but I do know that we all need to trust each other if we're going to succeed as a squad. So no, (F/N), I don't think you'd ruin any balance, I think you'd provide the balance that the team is in sore need of." There's a pause, and then she adds teasingly, "Plus, you know how much Gunther's missed you."

Well, shit.

She's right, isn't she? You do trust him enough to do whatever he asks, and he trusts you enough to have confidence that you'll be able to carry out his orders. As he'd said, he knows you better than you know yourself, and because of that you now know the answer to your question. If it came down to giving your life for his, you would do it, because you would trust that he would ensure it wasn't in vain.

The fear isn't going to go away, not by a long shot. It will always have a place inside your head and your heart. Perhaps it will even grow and consume you. But if it's Levi you're following, then you can manage it. You can trust him.

You've always been able to trust him.

And he trusts you too.

Dear Maria, you have to find him.

Thunder crackles through the sky, and that's the only warning you are given before a silent storm begins to crash down on you, soaking you and Petra all at once. She squeals in sudden astonishment, while you barely even feel the wetness pouring down your cheeks. You've always loved the rain, not least because you always seem to realize something important during it.

"Thank you! I need to go!" you exclaim to her, not bothering to check if she heard you or if she realized what you were thanking her for before you're sprinting off. This time, you know where you're running, you know why you're running, and you know exactly who you're running to.

The rain only spurs you on.

As it turns out, you don't even have to run very far. There he is, in the middle of the training grounds, rainwater soaking his face as he scowls ferociously at the sky, as though that's going to make it stop raining. Shit, you're almost scared of how fearless you feel right now. Something has always placed him right where you need him, be it fate or destiny or something equally as ridiculous, and you have no idea how you'd ever even fathomed that there could be a life without him.

Wherever you go, you can't escape him, and you thrive off it. Levi is the silence in the commotion, the destination in a maddening maze of roads, the glowing sun that starts your days and the shining moon that ends them. Even when he's not with you, he is, and now you're finally ready to stop running and accept that you need him with you almost as much as you need the air in your lungs.

"Captain!"

He hears you right away - even the rain pattering around you couldn't drown out your voice. He drinks in your appearance for only a second before he's walking towards you purposely, not so much as a single delay in his stride. You have no time to wait for him to chide you about how you're drenched or how you're such an idiot for being out here to get yourself sick.

"I'll do it! I'll join your squad!"

Calloused hands cup your cheeks and instead of scolding you, he yanks you into a hard kiss, lips colliding with yours as your breath is stolen away until all you can see, feel and experience is Levi.

It looks like he's been doing some reflecting of his own.

You have no idea what's changed and you can't bring yourself to care, because he's embracing you, kissing you, and even in this confused state you thrill in the feeling of his mouth moving so sensually against yours. Just like a person would kiss their partner before going away for a long, long time, Levi kisses you as though he'll never get the chance again. All the while, the storm continues around and within you, the thunder muted by the loud thumping of your heart in your eyes.

When he pulls away, it's too soon, but to be fair, you don't think you could ever get enough.

"Don't do it for the wrong reasons," is the first thing Levi says, and you realize he's referring to the decision that you just informed him of, "do you actually want to?"

You blink once, lips still numb and sensitive. "Y-yes. Yes, I want to. Just try and stop me now." Will he kiss you again, or is he going to ignore what he just did? Your mind is racing, here you've made your choice to follow him to the ends of the earth, and now he's decided to torture your mind further by doing this. Not that you're complaining.

"Obviously I'm not going to stop you." Sure, that's what he says, but his hands are still on your cheeks, and his face is still close to yours, and doesn't he know what he does to you? This - this midget, you think you're in -

"Do you want this?"

"Do I want what?"

"Don't act dense." He rolls his eyes. "This. Do you want this?"

It takes everything in you to bite back the smile threatening to break across your face. "You have to say it."

"You fucking minx, I should -" Growling, he cuts himself off, glaring at you with absolutely no conviction. "Do you want to make me shitty tea and drink your stupid fucking milk and talk until you fall asleep every night or not?"

A laugh escapes you, because even during a downpour in the middle of madness, Levi still somehow manages to make you feel like you're the same girl who'd become lost in his eyes the day you met him. "Is - is that what you think a relationship is?"

Levi huffs frustratedly, before watching intently as you reach up to brush away the water droplets running down his face. His eyes soften slightly, and you mumble, "Of course I want that." Then you bite your lip, finally sensing the beads of rain biting into your face. "And I'm assuming you do too?"

He swallows - if you weren't so in tune with all his movements, you'd miss the subtle way he leans into your touch. "You wouldn't be wrong."

"Okay," you breathe, "okay, then let's do it."

"Not so fast." Levi takes your wrists in his hands. The lack of his warmth on your face leaves you vulnerable to the outpour, but you're so entranced by him in this moment that you don't mind. "If you really mean it, then we need to set some rules."

Rules, rules, how are you so attracted to such a stickler of a man?

"Number one, this is between you and me, and that's how it stays. Letting other people know adds unneeded complications."

"Agreed." The image of Commander Erwin finding out you're canoodling with his favorite little soldier is not one you want to entertain. "So maybe no more kissing me in the middle of the base, then?"

There is a long pause, until Levi mutters, "You think you're so funny, don't you?"

"Just a bit."

Shaking his head, he continues, "Number two, I'd like to…" He trails off, looking awkward. "If you ever want to...spend the night, then I suggest we don't do that more than once a week. It would be hard to explain, and - once a week should be enough, right?" he questions, suddenly looking lost. You want to coo at the sight, at him earnestly asking you if sex once a week was enough for you. Really, you couldn't care less. It's never been about sex - as much as you did enjoy it with him. As long as you get to stand by his side, you'll accept any terms and conditions. So you nod, chuckling softly at how relieved he looks.

"And lastly…I can't promise you a long life, (F/N)." Guilt actually fills his eyes then, almost like he thinks you'll blame him for prioritizing the promise he's made to humanity over you. Nothing changes for you knowing you don't have long with him, except for a growing admiration over how good, how pure, he truly is. "I can't promise it for either of us. Tell me you know what you're getting into."

What you're getting into? Well, that's an interesting thing to think about. You believe you're about to enter an ill-timed, foolish, inevitably tragic relationship with a short, grumpy, germaphobic tea addict. No one will remember you two, even when whole books are written about him. This will not be some timeless romance that people will read about in a novel one day.

And yet, you wouldn't trade it for the goddamn world.

"I know what I'm getting into." You weave your fingers into his soaking wet hair and pull him into another kiss, fully aware that he's going to smarmily inform you that you're already breaking the first rule, and that you'll tell him he did it first, and you'll continue to bicker until he comments that it's absolutely pointless to be doing this in the rain and lead you inside to walk you to the female barracks just because he wants to make sure that you actually get there.

Yes, you know what you're getting into very well.


Life changes after that. Not in a wildly distinct way, but there is just the slightest shift in everything, like a soft breeze at the top of a mountain, that makes all the difference. You don't notice it at first.

It's walking down the halls and Oluo joining you as you discuss your schedules for the day. It's sitting down for lunch with your squad and sneaking a piece of bread from Gunther's plate to share with Ricky later. It's Major Hange winking at you from across the room during a briefing when the commander isn't looking. It's learning what a heavy sleeper Petra is as you shake her awake while frantically telling her that the two of you will miss breakfast if you don't hurry. It's sitting on your favorite chair in Levi's office doing paperwork and pausing to admire how pretty his eyes are only for him to gripe at you to stop wasting time.

It's life. It's the color coming back to the world around you.

You're afraid of it leaving again.

The next expedition comes up too quickly. In one second it's a month away, and then you blink and it's tomorrow. You can't help the fear ebbing through your veins the night before, chewing at the resolve that you've taken pains to build up. What is to become of you tomorrow? Will you die? Even worse, will you see Ricky die? Nifa? Petra? Levi?

These thoughts are pushed to the side as Eld knocks on the door and Petra opens it to see him, Gunther and Oluo waiting with pointedly impatient expressions.

"Shall we, ladies? The captain's doing this for us, after all."

After painstakingly begging and coming up with several valid reasons in her favor, Hange finally convinced the cooks (and Levi and Mike) that it would be a good idea to give the special operations squads a treat the night before expeditions. It may be unfair to the rest of the Scouts, but it's not like anyone else is prevented from munching on the leftovers from the feast if they really want to. All it is, really, is a team building exercise and a morale booster, one that may even help to soothe your nerves.

By the time you reach the Mess Hall, the others are already there, talking and eating in small groups, and they warmly welcome the rest of you. It doesn't take long for you to find yourself in a conversation with Nanaba, Henning and Rashad. The warmth of the scene is enough to at least calm you down if not quell your fear entirely. But that's an impossible feat, you'd have to be distracted in a major way to actually take your mind off the expedition.

At least, that's what you think until you get the strange feeling that someone is watching you intensely.

You turn your head - and nearly reel back in surprise. Levi doesn't even seem to notice the room around him, his attention is solely focused on you and there is a deeply primal, hungry look in his eyes. They rake over you shamelessly, almost making you choke on your tart as your cheeks heat up. What happened to no one finding out? Taking a peek around, you realize that no one is really focusing on either of you, but it's still risky nonetheless.

And you'd told yourself that you wanted these risks, so you stare right back at him, wondering if you look as smouldering as he does.

Levi holds your gaze for one, two seconds before he looks down at the mug of water in his hands. Peering at you through dark lashes, he begins to run his thumb along the rim of the mug, purposely dipping his fingers in just lightly enough to make it appear that he's just mindlessly rubbing his cup.

But it's very apparent to you and the sudden warmth that pools between your legs that that is not what he's doing. As much as you have to suspend your disbelief - you didn't expect Levi of all people to start something like this - he really is giving you a show, demonstrating how talented his fingers are and how cleverly he knows how to work them.

And fuck, what a mesmerizing show it is too. You can only focus on the curve of his fingers as they glide along the mug, curling just right. Outwardly, you smile at Nanaba, answering her question about Utopia. Inwardly, you imagine how those fingers would feel inside you, and you have to stop yourself from gasping.

Oh, so the captain wants to play, does he? You can definitely play. You can be catty too, hasn't he learned that by now?

Raising your own mug to your mouth, you take a long swig of water, accidentally letting some of it run down your neck. You shiver as you lean your head back, gazing at him with barely lidded eyes. Making absolutely sure that he's watching, you catch the stripe of water before it can reach your shoulder, coating your index finger with the wetness before you stick it in your mouth, sucking on your fingertip nonchalantly.

When Levi shifts awkwardly in his seat in an obvious attempt to hide something, you grin triumphantly.

This scandalous behavior continues. Around and around in circles you tease each other, each doing your best to outstep the other person's every move. He reaches past you and brushes against your hand to take a pastry, and in turn you act like something went down the wrong way, grasping your bare neck so he can get a good visual.

It's absolutely no surprise that when the time comes for everyone to leave, Levi is silently signalling for you to follow him. You murmur to Petra that you have something to take care of and will come to bed soon enough, before hurrying to catch up to him in his office.

As you walk, your heart pounds and your feet feel light and heavy at the same time. Honestly, you'd always thought you had more patience and tolerance than this, and yet some otherwise insignificant gestures from Levi have you all hot and bothered, and you can't even bring yourself to complain about it.

While the rule had entailed once a week, so far you were going for zero times a week. You've talked to him, yes, and you've kissed him here and there, but you haven't actually slept with him, much less spent the night. A part of you has been nervous - after all, Levi never once actually slept next to you after sex. He never wanted to spend the night together. You don't really fancy doing a walk of shame in the middle of the night all because your captain slash boyfriend slash lover doesn't want to wake up next to you.

Tonight, however, you need him, and you're almost certain that he needs you too.

The second you open the door to the office, there are hands reaching for you, grabbing your wrists and pushing you right back against the door as it shuts. He seals your lips with his, and you hear the faint clicking of the lock as your mouth is greeted with the sweet taste of honey, tea leaves and a pinch of cinnamon from the pastries.

Nothing, truly nothing, feels better than letting Levi trap you like this. He ravages you with all the hunger of someone who hasn't eaten in years, hands sliding down your sides to squeeze your hips gently. "Fuck," he groans into your mouth, "how are you this fucking addicting?"

You tug at the collar of his uniform, eager to get it off him. Already you're imagining his toned, chiseled chest, the mental image of it pressing up against you causing your legs to tremble. "I'm addicting? God, Levi -" With a sharp tug, the orange jacket is off, and you're free to feel the flex of his muscles as you run your hands down his arms. "What does that make you?"

Levi growls from somewhere deep in his chest. "Fucking obsessed, that's what."

He tilts your chin up, attacking your neck with a few dozen kisses. Your head bangs against the door a couple times, but Levi pays you no mind, not when he's so focused on making you this fucking weak for him. Within a few seconds, he has you shaking against him. "Levi, I want -"

"Shh," he whispers, reminding you that you can't be too loud, not here, "I know. Come here." Guiding you over to his desk, he kisses you slowly, tugging you close by the waist. Without breaking the kiss, his hands lower down until they're ghosting right about your ass. Levi gives it one experimental squeeze, smirking against your mouth when you press even closer to him at the contact.

The two of you have been together a handful of times, yes, so it shouldn't be a surprise that he knows what makes your body tick, but you can't help but be amazed that Levi remembers every sweet spot, every sensitive area. Once he breaks the kiss, he places two gentle kisses over your eyelids, smoothing over them with his thumbs.

Holding your face in his hands like some kind of precious material, he pops one button off your uniform. "You must know his distracting you are." Another button. "I can't fucking focus whenever you're around, and I can't fucking focus when you're not around either." One more. "But you know that, don't you?" Your uniform jacket comes off, and within seconds your shirt does as well. "You know exactly what you do to me."

"I - fuck, Levi -" You release the slightest whimper as he starts nosing kisses down your neck, while one of his hands deftly removes your bra. He lets his rough hand knead your breast lewdly, rubbing your nipple between his thumb and forefinger. Once you can feel your nipple hardened and sensitive to the touch, he tugs and pinches it gently before giving your other breast the same treatment.

Levi works his mouth down to your chest, lavishing it with attention in the form of licking, sucking and leaving bite marks littered over your skin. Meanwhile, it takes your all not to grab him by his pretty locks and shove him further into your tits. You're slowly losing yourself. His every touch ignites more and more in you, until you feel like exploding. But you can't explode, not yet, he is nowhere near finished with you.

Placing his hands against the waistband of your pants, he asks quietly, "Can I take this off?"

And fuck, the fact that he asks you, so sincerely, so openly, so kindly, has you nodding just a little too eagerly. Levi kneels down and removes your shoes and pants before directing you to sit on the desk behind you. When he doesn't get back up, your breath hitches as you realize his intent.

First he starts with your calves, pressing his lips to each and every part of your skin with breathtaking dedication. He works his way up to your knees, and then brushes his fingers down your thighs gingerly, muttering a small, "Fuck," before kissing the insides of your thighs as well.

His every movement is precise and methodical, as though being good at everything combat-related just wasn't enough. There isn't much evidence to suggest that Levi entirely knows what he's doing, but the pure, honest dedication he has no matter what task he puts his mind to is quite enough to have you melt like putty in his hands.

Finally, his nose brushes against your clothed pussy, making you hiss through your teeth. Levi rubs circles onto your hips as he slips his fingers under the waistband of your panties, looking up at you as though you're just about the most divine sight he's ever seen. That by itself is enough to have you mewling when he places his next kiss just an inch away from where you need him, never breaking eye contact with you.

Once he finishes pulling down your panties at a frustratingly slow speed, Levi runs his thumb along your lips just slightly, looking mildly amused at how you let out a pleased, "Nngh!" at his touch.

"I don't think I've ever told you," he says, suckling on the soft skin of your thigh. Your legs tremble, and you feel a gush of wetness when he continues. "But you are the most beautiful fucking woman I've ever met."

Without giving you a chance to respond, Levi licks a stripe up your slit, ending with a flick to your clit. Your buck your hips up with a whispered cry of, "Levi!" and you clutch his hair with one hand, gasping at the sudden pleasure that shoots up your body.

"Shit," he mutters, in a tone that sounds like he's barely restraining himself, "you're fucking soaked."

"Obviously," you manage to get out in a shaky breath, "are you going to do something about it?"

Levi's eyes are lit up as he looks at you, swirling storms gleaming in something akin to cockiness. "I don't know. How bad do you want it?"

Your response comes in the form of gripping his hair tighter and tugging him forward. Levi scoffs, but slips his hands under your thighs, spreading your legs just a bit further apart for himself. "Needy minx."

"Let's see how well you fare when -"

Levi buries his face between your legs, diving in like a starved man. Eyes rolling to the back of your head, your back arches completely, and you let out a barely restrained howl as you rock into his mouth relentlessly.

"Oh God, Levi, oh fuck - God, please, feels so good!"

He doesn't stop or slow down. He places your legs over each of his shoulders to give himself better leverage to continue eating you out, while his hands pinch into your hips, forcing you still. You can only take what he gives you, can only beg and praise him while he devours you. His tongue moves inside you, swirling in exactly the right way. You fist his hair desperately, moaning for him as he grunts at the sudden pressure.

"Wait -" Your climax builds fast, and you want to scream at yourself as you tug his hair back right as he begins to suck on your clit. "W-wait, Levi, stop!"

Immediately, he halts, looking up at you in concern. "Did I hurt you?" As if.

"No, I just…" You feel an urge to avert your gaze, but you manage to look him straight in the eyes and confess, "I want to come on your cock."

This seems to take him about three seconds to process. Then Levi's eyes darken completely, and within seconds he's on his feet, kissing you with a wild, needy growl. "Minx," he calls you again on your lips, the nickname only succeeding in making your cunt clench around nothing.

Quickly, you unbuckle his belt as you taste yourself on his mouth and tongue. It's embarrassing, how much you want him, need him, how easily you're willing to submit to his every desire. In this moment, he could ask you to do anything, and you would comply.

So once he finally pulls out his pretty, hard dick and begins pumping it, you remove and replace his hand with your own. Levi ducks his head down as he moans - a shame, because you want nothing more than to watch him as he loses himself to you. If you didn't feel like you had to have him inside you right now, you'd offer to stroke him to completion on the condition that you could watch his face scrunch and morph as you brought him to orgasm again and again. Another time, definitely.

It's him who stops you. Placing his hands on your hips, he positions himself in front of you, but doesn't push in. Instead, he leans forward and mumbles against your mouth, "Again. Say what you want."

And who are you to deny him? "I want to come on your cock, Levi, please, I want you to fuck me, I want to be yours -"

Levi thrusts in all at once, swallowing your cry with another kiss, biting down on your lip as you adjust to the feeling of being so full. He's always felt so perfect inside you, next to you, on top of and under you, and this time is no different.

"Goddammit," he groans, burying his face in your neck, "you're so fucking tight."

With that, he pulls out and pushes back in hardly. After a few seconds, he builds a pace that is both too slow and just right at the same time, the curve of his dick hitting a precious spot within you with each sharp thrust of his pelvis. Your hands are around his shoulders, the nails digging into his skin only spurring him on more.

The desk creaks as he fucks you on top of it. You can barely give any thought to it, too focused on the swell of his cock inside you and the muffled grunts and curses he lets out against your skin. Never, in any of your past encounters, have you felt this good - and it's all because it's Levi, Captain Levi, your rival turned friend turned superior, that you're living through the most heavenly experience of your life.

"One more time," he breathes, voice hoarse, "whose do you want to be?"

He knows, you know, he'd have to be crazy not to know by now, but you have never wanted to oblige someone more.

"Yours!" you cry, head falling back, "all yours, only yours!"

Levi's pace increases at that, and the sound of skin slapping skin soon fills the room. Blood rushes to your head and your fingers clench around his neck, but it's only when he breathlessly says, "Good fucking girl," do you come, gummy walls seizing around him as the both of you moan in ecstasy.

Uttering several curses under his breath, he pulls out, keeping his face buried in your neck as he fucks his fist to completion, exploding all over your stomach and legs with a muffled groan.

For a few seconds, Levi's quiet, tired panting is the only sound that fills the silence in the room. He rests a hand on the table, kissing your shoulder gently as you take a few deep breaths to recover. This, this had been different than all the other times, with him or otherwise. Not only had you never been so deeply infatuated with any of your other partners, but never had any of them been so beautiful, so considerate, so...so clearly reciprocative of your adoration.

Rubbing circles into your back, Levi hums against your shoulder, "How do you feel now? Relaxed?"

"Yes - wait." You pull away, staring at him in confusion. "How did you know that I was feeling tense?"

The question seems to offend him. "I'd be concerned if you weren't. And I know you," he echoes his words from before, "I don't need you worked up tomorrow. Be on your guard, be ready, but don't…" He trails off for a moment, cupping your chin. "Don't forget to breathe."

Tiredly, you offer him a smile. "Yes, sir."

With a self-assured nod, Levi retrieves a towel from one of his drawers, kneeling down to meticulously wipe you clean even though you insist that you can do it yourself. Ending with a kiss to your thigh, he stands up before proceeding to clean himself up as well. All the while you watch, admiring his thoughtfulness and dedication. You're a bit surprised that he'd do this here, in his office, which he clearly takes pains to keep organized and tidy. But the two of you hadn't made that big of a mess, nothing that couldn't be wiped away with the towel. If there was any lingering mess, you wouldn't mind cleaning it up yourself.

"So," you begin, shamelessly raking your eyes over his defined back muscles, "is this the part where you kick me out, or…"

Levi stiffens slightly, but gives you a careful, appraising look over his shoulder. "Won't Petra ask where you were all night?"

"I can come up with something." You get off the desk to pull up your pants. "That is, unless you don't want me to."

He says nothing for a few seconds. Once he's dressed from the bottom down, he turns to you, exhaling softly at the sight. There is nothing you want more than to know what it feels like to be wrapped up in those arms, soaking in the comfort of his warmth. More than anything, you want him to tell you he desires the same thing.

"It's not that I don't want you to." One hand reaches out to take yours and squeeze it gently. "It's just...if we do this, it really means that there's no turning back."

"Do you want to turn back?"

"No." He sighs in frustration. "No, I don't."

"Then?"

Considering this logic, his eyes become downcast. "It's not like I can sleep at this time anyway."

And that is definitely a challenge you can step up to. Tenderly taking his face in your hands, you tilt his head up, gazing once again into the gorgeous, honest, beautiful set of eyes you've ever had the pleasure of getting lost in. And once again, you drink in his every feature, and think about his unique quirks and his bravery and how he took you under his wing and comforted you when you were upset and invited you into his office anytime you just felt like talking to him. And perhaps for the first time, you consider how lucky you are to have found him.

Not to sell yourself short - he's lucky to have found you as well. As you're about to prove right now.

"I can help you sleep, if you'll let me."

Levi raises a brow. "Your chamomile tea would probably taste like burnt lemon juice."

You huff, only a bit offended. He's not wrong, after all. "I'm not going to make you tea. Just trust me, okay?" You take his hands in hours, placing a kiss on his knuckles. "I know you pretty well too, Captain."

Watching you with rapt attention, he nods slightly, letting you lead him into his connected room. The sheets are perfectly made and not dusty at all, and you bite back a smile at the implication that Levi makes the bed every morning even when he doesn't sleep in it. Well, if he'll allow it, even once a week like he so very clearly set his foot down, you'll make sure it's slept in much more.

"Here." With a bounce, you sit down on the bed, scooting back before flopping down on the pillow. Levi's lips quirk in amusement as he follows suit. Instead of laying down next to you, he decides to loom over you, propping himself up with his hands caging you on the bed. "Is this how you try to sleep every night? No wonder you're an insomniac."

"Is this how you put everyone to sleep? No wonder you're not a doctor."

Your eyes narrow. "Doctors don't put people to sleep. I do. You have to relax first, though."

Before he gets the chance, you lean up and press a kiss to his cheek, then the other, then his forehead, then his nose. Levi's face burns red from the attention, but he doesn't tell you to stop, so you don't. Smoothing your lips near the corner of his mouth, you mumble, "Relax for me, Captain."

His mouth is parted, as he sucks in a puff of air exasperatedly. "I can't with you pulling this shit, can I?"

"You can. I know you can."

Gently, with your hands guiding him down, Levi nuzzles into the crook of your neck affectionately. He's not nearly as hesitant as you would have pegged him to be, although you do remember how often he's caught you, brushed dust off you, held your hand out of nowhere. Yes, Levi has always been touchy, it's been his way of showing you how much he cares for a very long time.

Brushing a hand into his hair, you start stroking his hair, running your fingers through his undercut with all the precision of the trained soldier that you are. Levi exhales languidly, his entire body language shifting as he allows you to do as you please. Taking your sweet time - no one said you had to put him to sleep immediately - you caress his dark locks and massage his scalp with a feathery touch until his breathing becomes steady and his eyes flutter close.

"Fine...you...win," are Levi's last mumbled, slurred words before he falls asleep on top of you.

Of course you do. But you can save your bragging for when he wakes up. He looks more peaceful than you've ever seen him, and you'll be damned if you interrupt that and waste all your hard work.

It's almost impossible to worry about tomorrow when tonight is so perfect. The only thing you have the strength left to do is kiss his cheek again, close your eyes, and give in to the safety that he's cloaked you in. After a long few weeks, your dreams are finally pleasant.


"Oi. Look alive, all of you."

Five bodies stand to attention, looking his way. Levi scans all of them, privately nodding to himself in reassurance. The best possible team he could have assembled stands in front of him here, and they're all going to make it today. Not because he says so, but because they're all capable in their own right, and none of them will ever let themselves be eaten without a fight.

"Pretend I gave you a pep talk, and don't die."

Gunther chortles while Oluo gives an overtly eager, "Yes, sir!" that Petra rolls her eyes at. Despite his less than encouraging words, all five of them salute him respectfully.

Standing in the back of the stables where none of the others can see her, (F/N) extends two fingers from the fist on her chest, and blows him a kiss with a mischievous grin.

Levi lets out a tch, turning away. It's surprisingly easy to pretend that he didn't just sleep soundly for the first time in years last night. It's easy to pretend that waking up with her arms around him didn't have him smiling softly at her sleeping form for at least five minutes. It's easy to pretend that the sight of her doesn't send him into complete disarray, that he didn't realize over the past few days that he's hopelessly in love with her.

It's easy to pretend, because now he'll have to pretend forever.

That's his price to pay. Hers too, by extension.

Nothing Levi has ever loved has been long in this world. No one has stayed, no one has lived. And by Maria, Rose and Sina combined, he refuses to curse her like that. If loving her is going to lead her to an early grave, then he'll keep his fucking love to himself. That is their final safety net, the only boundary that they will never break, no matter what happens.

It won't be easy, but it's infinitely better than the alternative.

Erwin gives the order and they all mount their horses. She trots over by him, assumingly to murmur something encouraging.

"This saddle is really uncomfortable. I'm going to make a complaint when we get back."

Or not.

They both know that when they get back, neither of them will be in the mood to make jokes, or talk lightheartedly, or do anything but fall into another quiet period. That never does go away, no matter how many expeditions outside the walls one goes on. Whatever she needs in this aftermath, he'll try to provide. And from the joke she's just made to lighten the mood, he knows she'll do the same.

That's just the kind of person she is. That's why he loves her.

"You do that." He rolls his eyes. "For now, deal with it."

A smile flits over her face. "Whatever you say, Captain."

Levi vows then, that no matter how many times it falls, no matter how many times she's beat down, he will pick her up and bring that smile back no matter what it takes.

And that's a promise.

and so ends the superior series? right?

nope! you only wish you were done with me, babes 3

there is one final segment for us to go through, and that's the events of the show themselves. starting from trost, a few years after the events taking place here, we'll see how our dear reader goes through a canon-compliant version of the show. i'll try my best to not to be too repetitive - but this really is the "main" story i've been trying to get to, the whole point of doing this series in the first place, to place this character in this world and see what happens when you give levi a second in command and love interest.

i'll start working on this as soon as i can, so it shouldn't take too long to come out. in the meantime, follow me on tumblr at astridthevalkyrie to ask any questions or just to talk aot, my inbox is open! also make sure to follow/subscribe/ask to be added to the taglist if you're not already so you know when the new story is out. love y'all, i'll see you soon 3

stay tuned for the final segment of the superior series: standing at the crossroads.

until then, lovelies!