Ok, so I admit the last chapter wasn't my favourite one but I did like seeing that protective side of Voight. He has gone into papa bear mode and he is protecting his cub. I really wish they would show more Kim and Voight in the show because I think they would have that kind of relationship. To be honest I want more of everything on that show!
I got a little more Burzek sweetness for you in this one. This chapter is the calm before the storm because the next one... whew... it gets insane!
"So what's the play?" Kev asked.
"I want to know what their day to day operations look like and I want to take everyone involved in this. Kim and Adam, I want you running surveillance at the stash house, feed images back here for the team to get IDs and background information – I want to know who the shot callers are, who the dealers are, who the look outs are... everything. I don't want any nasty surprises when we raid that place" Voight explained.
Me and Adam on surveillance together, great. Adam hates doing surveillance work and all he does is complain the whole time but I know why Voight has done it. He has paired me with Adam because he is worried about me and he knows that Adam won't let anything happen to me, no one on the team would but he knows the lengths Adam will go to. I still need to do my job and if the only way Voight will let me do that is with Adam, then fine.
I looked over to Adam and he was groaning and annoyed at being on surveillance. He is more an action kind of guy and he gets to antsy but he'll have to suck it up. I know that if he knew the real reason he was paired with me, he wouldn't complain about it but then he wouldn't be focused on what he was supposed to be doing. I still stick with my decision not to tell him what was going on, at least not right now, there is no point worrying and upsetting him for no reason.
"C'mon Adam" I urged.
"Can we get coffee and snacks first?" He asked as we made our way down the stairs.
"If you're buying" I agreed.
"Deal"
We made our way out to the car pool and picked up our surveillance ride, It was just a grey van, it looked like a work van so we should be ok in here. I opened the back to make sure we had everything we needed and Adam double checked the engine and mechanics of the van to make sure we're not going to break down or run into any issues.
"All good back here" I told him.
"Yeah, up here looks good too" He replied.
Our first stop was to a diner that Adam liked, we have spent a lot of Saturday mornings in here together over the years. Adam picked up some donuts and a coffee for us whilst I ran across the street to a convenience store and got us some other snacks and bottles of drink to keep us going, we were going to be on surveillance all day so we needed the fuel.
After that it was straight to the surveillance site, it didn't take us long to get there and once there we got all set up and got comfortable for the day ahead.
20 minutes later
"I'm bored already" Adam complained.
"We have literally been here twenty minutes" I told him.
"I know but this is boring" He whined.
"It's not all car chases and gun fights" I teased and he rolled his eyes "I know you hate it and I know you're bored but please keep the whining to a minimum" I pleaded.
"Alright... but only for you" He replied.
Two kids walked into the stash house carrying a blue duffel bag and then came out a few minutes later with a red duffel bag. I got a good photo of both their faces and sent them over to Kev so they could ID them and find out where they are on the food chain.
"So tell me, what's been going on with you lately... and don't say nothing"
"Nothing" I shrugged with a smirk.
"C'mon Kim, I'm serious" He pleaded but I didn't say anything "Are you in trouble?" He asked but again, I stayed quiet "You said that we were still friends who had each other's backs, so let me have your back and tell me what is going on. I care for you Kim and if you're in trouble or have something going on, I want to help" He said.
"Voight is dealing with it" I replied.
"You trust Voight more than me?" He asked, the hurt evident in his voice.
"I'm keeping you out of this to protect you" I told him.
"Protect me for what?"
"Protect you from doing something stupid and getting yourself in trouble"
He looked and seemed confused about my statement. He knew that there was obviously something wrong but he was struggling to understand what.
"You're driving me crazy; tell what the hell is going on!" He shouted.
"I can't. Not right now. Just let me deal with this my way and if I need to tell you, I will" I argued back.
Will this day ever end? My ass is going numb from sitting her for so long and my eyes were starting to hurt from looking at the screen, it has been hours and I really have no idea how much more I can take of this. Adam has dozed off twice now and I have to keep waking him up but I'm not far behind him.
"I need sugar" Adam groaned.
I handed him a bag of Haribo's Tangtastic and a full sugar Coke.
"I can't wait to get into bed" I stated.
"I can't wait to get into your bed either" Adam joked.
I couldn't help but laugh at his stupid joke, he laughed with me and I realised how much I missed it, laughing and joking with him, we haven't done it in such a long time.
"Your mattress is so much more comfortable than mine, I'm not gonna lie, I miss your mattress and the water pressure of your shower" He said.
"My mattress and water pressure are pretty amazing" I agreed.
"I think I miss them more than sharing a bed with you" I nudged him playfully and he laughed at me "I'm kidding" He clarified "Do you want to know what I miss most, like honestly really miss?" He asked.
"Go on"
"Coming home after a long day and just sitting on the couch, putting on some stupid movie and falling asleep with you. I miss waking up and having you there and most of all, I miss you telling me you love me"
"Adam" I started but I didn't know what to say so I stopped.
"I know I messed up before and I didn't take it seriously but I promise you, if you were to ever give me another chance, I wouldn't mess it up" He promised.
"What happened between us weren't just on you; I have my fair share of the blame. I let people get in my head and I took some bad advice. I don't think either of us was really ready to get married and have that 'adult' relationship" I explained.
"What about now?" He asked.
"I hate being on my own Adam. I hate being in that apartment by myself all the time. I hate that you're not there to make me feel safe. I hate that the apartment feels twice as big as it used to. I hate that I go to bed feeling alone every night... I hate all of it but we're not there yet, how can I make you happy when I can't make myself happy?"
"Do you still love me?"
"You know I do" I answered.
I felt my eyes prickle with tears, I raised my hand to wipe them away but Adam beat me to it. He used the pad of his thumb to wipe my tears away, then he shuffled his chair closed to me and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me close to him.
"Just so you know, I'm always going to love you Kim" He murmured against my head.
I walked into my apartment and the coldness hit me hard. I turned the lights and the heating on quickly and rushed into my bedroom to put on my warm pyjamas. Adam and I got matching Christmas pyjamas last year and they are the warmest pyjamas in the whole world. I know it's not Christmas just yet but I need warming up quickly, it is so cold in here.
The pyjamas consisted of white fluffy top and white fluffy bottoms that had footsies on them. The white fluffy top had a picture of a brown reindeer in front of snow and Christmas trees and he was wearing a scarf and sweater. Adam said he hated them but I saw him wearing them quite a lot for someone who hated them, I think he loved them really but didn't want to admit it.
After getting changed I made myself a hot cocoa and sat on the couch, draping a blanket over me. You'd think after all these years I'd get used to the cold in Chicago and plan ahead, like setting my heating on a timer so it was warm when I got home or making sure I was wearing warm clothes throughout the day.
If Adam was here now, we'd be wearing our matching pyjamas, cuddled under the blanket together and drinking hot cocoa together. Adam makes a really nice hot cocoa, better than mine. I miss just having him here and spending time with him.
Since we split up, we haven't spent much one on one time together and although we agreed that we were friends, I feel like I've lost him from my life. Today was the most time we have spent together since we broke up and it made me just miss him even more. After our conversation about what we miss most, I wanted nothing more than to invite him here to stay the night but I knew it wouldn't lead anywhere good.
I told him the truth when I said I still loved him. I don't think I will ever stop loving him but right now, I can't focus on being with him or dealing with that, not whilst Rick is still out there. When he has been dealt with then maybe I can revisit that and consider giving my relationship with him another go.
My whole life is a mess.
