I wasn't sure about posting this one cause I thought it might be a bit too much and too badly written, but I took the executive decision to go with it and see what happens. Enjoy!

It began, as it always did, with a hunt in the forest. I'm sure you know how it goes. Merlin and the knights are out, innocently hunting innocent animals when some totally non innocent bandits leap out and ambush them. Seeing his friends get torn down and outnumbered around him, Merlin makes the agonising decision to use his magic and wipes them out, either knocking out or killing based on the rating of the story. Betrayal! Arthur is angry, he seethes with rage and banishes/ threatens/ sulks at Merlin. Gwaine makes a witty comment and everyone is friends again after Merlin and Arthur have a heartfelt chat about love and magic and friendship and occasionally certain inappropriate actions which will not be discussed in this story rated for general audiences.

This was not how it went this time.

The hunt went well as far as Merlin was concerned, with not a single fluffy bunny being murdered thanks to his very discreet glowing eyes. Arthur and the knights were in slightly less high spirits as their lack of kills meant not only that there would be no venison for dinner that night, but also that they were being robbed of glory and honour, which was much more important.

They all tramped back to Camelot, awaiting hot baths and warm meals, neither of which Merlin would get as he was not rich and powerful. Well, he was rather powerful, but he couldn't tell them that, so he was stuck with a quick wash from a bucket of lukewarm river water and Gaius' cooking.


"This is really awful." He told the physician as he choked down the 'stew' he'd 'cooked'. "I don't know why I'm surprised though. Your potions are worse."

Gaius, tired of his nephew's cheek and wanting to practice his disapproving eyebrow, said, "Well if you don't like it, I can give it to Tyr the stable boy and you can have what's left in the kitchen after all the nobles have eaten. You know Merlin, you're lucky…"

"I'm lucky I have someone to house and cook for me, I know." Merlin sighed. "I just wish you'd pick up a cooking book every now and then."

Gaius was deceptively weak in his old age and showed his concealed strength when he picked up a potions book from the table and whacked Merlin over the head with it, telling him that he could either eat his food or get out.

"Young'uns nowadays." He muttered as Merlin hurriedly wolfed down what was left of his slime stew and stumbled out of the door.

After his disastrous meal, Merlin walked along the corridor humming as he went to attend Arthur for the evening. He came into the king's chambers as he was finishing his delicious looking food, and Merlin quickly reached over and grabbed some bread.

"Merlin!" Arthur protested. "That's mine! You can't just…"

Merlin ignored him. "Thanks, I'm starving." He said. "Gaius is a terrible cook."

"You can't take your king's food."

"Clearly I can. I just did. You're welcome."

"What?"

Merlin shrugged. "Just keeping you fighting fit, sire. It's an honour to take your food, truly."


The evening continued with plenty of playful banter and insults between the two as Arthur was put to bed like the five year old he was. When he was all tucked up and Merlin had read him a bedtime story (the brave knight and the beast), he crept back down the corridor and took out tonight's assassin.

It was an easy one, just a servant with a little magic who had once been ignored by Arthur when he was in a hurry. Merlin took care of him with a simple flick of his fingers and then went on his way. He wasn't to know that this servant was just a decoy for the real mission. He wasn't to know that the assassins would deliberately sound the warning bell to bring everyone to the great hall, and he wasn't to know that they weren't assassins at all. They were druids and they were here, not for Arthur, but for him.

Merlin didn't know any of this, so when he got to the hall after being summoned by the bell, he was rather confused when two people came out of the crowd of drowsy castle dwellers.

"Attention!" one of them, a woman dressed in the most ridiculous cloak, shouted. "You are all here because a certain someone has taken too long to do a certain something, so we figured we'd hurry it up a bit."

Merlin, in his defence, was rather tired, so he didn't realise she was on about him.

"Emrys!" the other druid said, this one a man in an equally stupid cloak. "Come out so you can fulfil your destiny."

By this time, Merlin had realised that 'Emrys' probably referred to him, and so, glancing around to make sure no one else was coming forward, he stepped out of the crowd, ignoring the muttering around him.

The woman grinned at him, beckoning him over to where she'd set up some kind of altar.

"Um," said Merlin as he walked over, "This is looking awfully like a human sacrifice. You're not planning on doing that, right?"

The woman glanced over at the man who shook his head very unsubtly.

"No." she decided. "Definitely not. No human sacrifices here. Right Joe?"

"Joe? Your name is Joe?" Merlin asked. "That's not very druidy."

This was obviously a sore spot for Joe, who burst into tears and ran into the corner of the room.

"Now look what you've done." The woman growled. "You've gone and made Joe cry. He didn't do anything to you."

"He was about to sacrifice me."

"Fair point I suppose. Anyway. I am Aofie, and although I know I said that there wouldn't be any human sacrifices and I was planning to be nice, you did make Joe cry, so uh, up you get please. On the altar."

Merlin clambered up, sitting down in the middle. "Here?"

"Just a bit to the left." Aofie directed. "And lie down, if you don't mind."

"Sure. Now what?"

Aofie grinned again, although it was decidedly less friendly this time.

"Um excuse me?" said a voice from the crowd. People parted to let Arthur stomp through. "I was sleeping. What exactly is going on? I would like to continue sleeping."

"Oh, Arthur!" Merlin sat up, beaming at the king. "Aofie here was just about to sacrifice me to summon the god Emrys, right Aofie?"

She glanced from Merlin to Arthur and back again.

"The once and future king?" she whispered in Merlin's ear.

He nodded. "Yep, that's him. Hey Arthur, you just go and watch, ok? It'll be over in a bit. Just ignore the blatant magic and possibly the appearance of me as a god. It'll all be fine."

"Um…"

"And lets begin!" Merlin said, lying back down on the altar with an unusual enthusiasm and using his magic to bring Aofie and her knife over, ignoring the horrified gasps and cries from the onlooking citizens.

Although she seemed unsure, probably not used to her victims being quite so willing to be sacrificed, Aofie raised the very sharp pointy knife, ignoring Merlin's whines that she should just 'get on with it already', and prepared to plunge it into Merlin's heart.

Personally, Merlin thought it was all a bit dramatic after that, which may have been his fault. He did love being dramatic.

"Aggh!" he screamed as he was sacrificed to the gods. "I'm in agony! The pain! It's too much! Help!"

Aofie frowned at him and whispered, "Stop being stupid, this is serious."

He winked back at her and prepared for his next overly dramatic move.

He threw his hand to his chest and tossed his head back, eyes closed, looking for all the world like someone pretending to be dead.

"He's dead!" said Arthur the idiot. "You killed him!"

"Yes." Aofie resigned herself to playing along and replied. "That's sort of the point."

"You monster! How dare you!"

She sighed, already wishing she'd never gone through with this plan. Turning to Joe, who was still crying in the corner, she simply threw up her hands and stalked over to comfort him, ignoring everyone else in the room.

This was the very convenient moment that Merlin decided to come back to life, which is what he would have done if he had been killed.

"Arthur Pendragon!" he boomed, projecting his voice around the room, echoing into the nooks and crannies of the great hall and exploding like an exploding thing on an exploding day in people's heads.

"Yes?" said Arthur in a very small voice which certainly did not echo or explode anywhere.

"I am Emrys." Said Merlin, glowing.

"You're Merlin." Said Gwaine, very amused by the whole thing.

"No, I am definitely Emrys. Merlin is dead."

Leon furrowed his eyebrows. "You were Merlin a second ago."

"Yes. And now I'm not."

"Merlin, stop being stupid." Muttered Gaius, although nobody heard him.

Merlin tutted, still glowing. In fact, he was glowing so much that many people had to avert their eyes for fear of being blinded by his glow. It was very godly.

"Anyway." He said. "I am Emrys. The god Emrys, in case that wasn't clear. All magicy and stuff. I can do that. magic." And with that, he waved his arm and flowers strung themselves across the beams holding up the roof. Butterflies erupted from the round table and at least twelve of them settled in Arthur's hair. Also adorning Arthur were several birds, a couple of flower garlands and a bunch of roses. He was most discombobulated.

"Arthur Pendragon." Merlin said again. "You are the once and future king, and since Aofie wants me to speed stuff up, will you make magic legal? Pretty please?"

"Um…"

"With a cherry on top?"

"Um…"

"With a very pointy sword on top?"

"Oh alright then."

"Yay!" Merlin cheered. "Great. Now I, Emrys, am going to disappear, and you will be left with the serving boy again, who definitely can't do magic. No magic at all."

"Merlin, you're literally doing magic right now."

"Shut up, Gwaine."

"Just saying."


After all the dramatics from Merlin were over, he shooed Aofie and Joe out of the castle, firmly scolding them and telling them not to do it again. They, especially the long suffering Aofie, were quite happy to leave and never come back.

"I will live a happy life if I never have to see your face again." She told Merlin.

"Bit harsh." He muttered. "And it was you who tried to kill me."


Back in the great hall, a rather perplexed and still decorated Arthur yawned and told everyone that he was going back to bed and that they should too, not realising it was already dawn and the servants were already up. Ah, the ignorance of the privileged, Merlin thought, preparing the king's breakfast while he snoozed.