Originally posted on Ao3 - 2021-04-02
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I could hear their shouting and their horses galloping as I continued in between each breath, but even then I couldn't determine how close behind they were as these sounds were only further obscured by the noise of rustling of bushes and the pulsing in my ears as I ran. Of all the things, I thought then, cursing myself for both waiting too long to investigate and for staying too long for the group to discover me there. The whole situation overall had resulted in anxiety setting in, as would be expected for a situation like this one.
I ran for what felt like miles, refusing to stop for even a moment to look back or check my surroundings, and all the while, my mind was racing, thinking of what the girl had said, the scene I had witnessed, the accusations, the reactions, and the looks on all their faces. My mind was so turbulent that I didn't realize where I was even going then, but all I knew was that I needed to keep going. I knew the group wasn't far behind as they were on horseback, this driving me forth as there was but an inkling of hope in my heart that perhaps the man who called me out didn't know me for certain. If I were to stop or slow down, they would surely catch up and confirm who I was; it would be really over then, but to me in that moment, it wasn't yet over.
At some point I turned back to see how far we were from each other, seeing distant glimpses of their shadows cast by torch light and the glints of that light between the trees and shrubbery. It had a feeling they weren't trying to simply catch up immediately, instead opt for a chase that would tire me out first, so I knew I had to think of something quickly.
Just as I turned back, I felt my foot catch on something, causing me to slam face-first into the ground with a loud thud, the impact hard enough to knock my sword loose from the sheath on my back and nearly knock me unconscious with its cross. It took me a moment to recover, my head spinning following the cranial impact I had endured. I attempted to get to my feet, though this was cut short when I realized how close behind the group was now that I was no longer maintaining our distance. Given the need for an immediate solution, the word "hide" immediately came to mind, resulting in me taking my sword and, admittedly with little grace, crawling down a small dip in the land to my left to ultimately duck beneath a tree whose roots jutted out.
As I heard them close in, I got up close to the rooted ground, leaning as far back as possible to avoid being seen. As I sat there, I waited for them to pass and avoid me, quieting my breathing and listening carefully for their movements.
"Whoa!" one said, then another, signaling their stopping.
Damn it, I thought as I realized this. In that instant, I was frozen stiff, controlling my breathing to prevent giving off too much noise, but it only took me another moment to realize how audible the pounding of my heart was within my chest. I sat there for what felt like ages, waiting for them to do one of two things, either come down and find me or continue on. To my fortune, another rolled up, clearly the leader of the group.
"Why are you stopping?!" this leader said as his horse slowed briefly, only to pick up speed. "We'll lose her otherwise!"
"Aye, Boss!" several voices rang out.
"And fan out, damn it!" the leader added, his voice echoing out as he continued away into the distance.
The whole group arrived around then, spread out across a larger area, leaving me stuck beneath those roots for some time. Through either sheer chance or their lack of foresight, they failed to check the ravine I was in, moving past it at speed all around me, shouting and calling out to each other as they did. I was tense during the entire ordeal as the group continued past, some men stopping to look around, others passing more slowly, but after a long while they finally all but disappeared into the distance, leaving me sat there in the dead quiet.
After sitting for so long, I let out a sigh and finally decided to peek out and see if there were any sources of light or any others simply standing there. They're gone, I thought, but I knew it wasn't going to be for long. I crawled out from beneath the trunk, brushing myself off of all the dirt that was on my clothes, and once to my feet, I looked on for a short while longer, waiting to see if there was indeed someone else nearby waiting for me. After this, I knew the only direction to go was away from them.
The night my comrades were ruthlessly killed of whom I buried, the night the awakened being had gotten away after murdering that group, and those final moments I shared with that dying child; all those memories I have of that night are forever engrained in mind, burned into my eyes and branded into my very soul, forever a reminder of my failure to prevent both situations, no matter who said otherwise over the years. But, those weren't the only things paid, merely the down payment, for those nights I lost something else that was less tangible. That night I paid the bill in the form of guilt of the kind that can never truly be recouped. It was my own failure to act, or at least that was how I perceived it for many years.
With this said, though, many individuals including anyone reading this or even some of my own comrades from those days would have completely broken down and ended up wallowing in their own self-pity, something that I myself have admittedly done on rare occasions. But, by that time in my life, I was unfortunately well experienced in loss and knew how to handle it, regardless of how new this situation was to me. Not only this, I was in the rather unfortunate circumstance where I had no time to worry or cry over this, now being pursued over a massive misunderstanding. As a result, I did what I would always do then; I thought through the problem and looked for solutions, simple or otherwise.
I walked for ages in that direction, unable to determine where I was going as thick clouds had rolled in from when I initially approached the camp to when I made my escape, but with my prior panic having mostly subsided by then, I was able to think more clearly and assess my current circumstances.
I followed a method of thinking that my late father taught me years ago, some time before I was ever taken into the Organization, and it was something that I took to heart that has since helped me through many short term problems and even in battle. This method of problem solving, though never expressly taught by the Organization to other warriors, has helped me more than I'd care to admit, so for this situation, it was like putting on an old glove.
Firstly, breathe.
Although you could say this was taken care of when I finally got away, I was still tense about the whole thing. So, I came to a stop, closed my eyes and breathed deeply, focusing on the quiet sounds of the forest for a short time. It was initially difficult despite how many times I'd done this, tempted to cry for what happened both to me and to my comrades a day earlier, but as I continued focusing on the surroundings, I found most of it soon faded to some degree. By the time I opened my eyes again, I was refreshed and ready for the next step. Simple, but highly effective.
Secondly, state the problem, or problems as in this case.
This was straightforward as I knew a few things off the top of my head: a group of bandits or slavers assumed that I was responsible for killing the group of people, with me being potentially recognized by one of them, and an awakened being had killed my comrades and the group of people within a one-day span. My focus was on the first one since it was the immediate problem for me then.
Thirdly, state what I know.
This was simple as well, though there was a lot of information to unpack. From the scene that I observed earlier in the night and the girl's last words, to the appearance of the awakened being the day before and its revival during our battle then; this all took a great deal of time to go over, even mentally, but no stone was left unturned during this step.
Fourth, state what you see.
This was where things usually got interesting as it typically revealed either previously unseen information or new questions that needed answering. After all, it was how I determined the role of the Organization in the creation of yoma and awakened beings over several years.
Eventually, there was a break in the clouds that gave me a hint as to which direction I was headed, the moon that peeked through the clouds being at a steeper angle than before. I was heading South? I thought as I stopped for a moment to observe my surroundings. So, the awakened being possibly went northeast, and... I'm heading East. This sort of thinking continued for some time as I continued walking, though I'm not one to bore with the intricate details.
Fifth, state possible solutions and choose.
This was typically the easiest step once everything was laid out on the table so to speak. Regarding my being wrongly accused of serial murder, I had one immediate partial solution and a long term one. The first was to simply change my appearance such that no one would recognize me, though this would only be so good given how well known I was at that point in time. The second and perhaps more substantial and difficult one was to flee the region and wait for things to blow over.
My pace slowed as I thought about the partial solution. The idea of changing my appearance was one I didn't favor too well seeing as I heard a story from an old friend ages ago about how she did just that and nearly got caught by a hunting party despite it all. Not only that, I've heard stories of people going so far as cutting their hair or, more dramatically, disfiguring themselves. I wasn't about to do either of those two things, but I knew I had to change appearances as best I could.
Eventually, I began what would be perhaps the laziest change in appearance anyone has ever done; taking my hair, I maneuvered it around a bit until it was tied up into a ponytail. It was something I did years prior, but to end up doing it again for exactly the same purposes brought back a lot of both pleasant and unpleasant memories. Regardless, that was the first part of my transformation.
But, this was unfortunately not enough as I still looked like a warrior, my armor and clothes still stained in blood and dirty overall. Of course I hesitated for a moment, realizing that I would have to remove everything except the simple clothes underneath my armor and the functional part of my sheath, but after a moment, I finally overcame this.
Each part fell to the ground with a thud, first the pauldrons, then the waistcoat, then the gauntlets, all of it until I was left with only my bloodstained clothes, my wits, and the bloody cloak I picked up as I initially fled. When all was said and done, I found myself vastly lighter and vastly more vulnerable than before, but based on the previous string of events, it was completely necessary. I stopped and took a moment to break off the cape and decorations from my sheath, and with that done, I put it back on, being sure it was comfortably placed on my back.
As I was doing this, I suddenly felt something cold hit me on the hand, causing me to stop. Water? I thought as I wiped at the spot and looked briefly, seeing a subtle glistening as I moved my fingers. After a moment, I started to hear an occasional soft pattering all around me, causing me to fully realize that it had begun to rain, the sounds of each drop's impact slowly increasing in frequency alongside the sensation of water hitting me.
Only one word left my mouth then. "Great."
It took me a day to determine what my next course of action would be given how the past two days had unfolded, spending the rest of that night considering my options. Given my current circumstances, the idea of going to Rabona to gather others was completely out of the question, but the other two options, that of going to Urek or leaving the region entirely until things blew over, were difficult to choose between. As it was, one seemingly delayed or risked things while giving me a chance to continue unimpeded in the future and the other allowed me to potentially take on the awakened being but with an inherent risk of being disrupted. Not only this, I knew that word would spread quickly of what happened, pressing me to make a decision before things got even more complicated.
The next day, I came to a decision on my next course of action, choosing to continue my journey eastward towards Urek in search of Dietrich and the warriors she took with her. I knew that I'd have to move fast to make it there, but given the activity from those riders from the night before, it would mean potentially raising alarm should anyone either recognize me personally or recognize the fact that I'm a warrior. It was admittedly tempting to use the last of my suppressant medicine, all of about two or three pills that I had lying around from thirteen years prior and saved in case of emergency, but I later decided against it, seeing as it would be easier to avoid any roads and settlements on my way there.
The rain continued for nearly two days, lightening up for a little bit during the second of the two, and it was during this period of light rain that I decided to leave what cave or crevasse I sought shelter in. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't mind traveling in the rain too much, only worrying if there was lightning or hail, but given the intensity, it meant travel would be particularly difficult otherwise. My departure from this shelter, though, signaled the beginning of the difficult trek to Urek, even when the rain eventually picked up again.
The morning of the third day yielded a few roadblocks, of which most were easily surpassable by either going around or waiting for things to pass me by. One was a camp that I came across that I simply went around, another being a group walking through the forest like myself, but all of them simple to deal with.
Eventually I came across my first roadway and was forced to stop to consider my next steps, the road a busy one connecting a small city to a nearby town, many people and horses passing by. I stopped a distance away from it, far enough away to not be seen unless someone was specifically looking for something in my direction but close enough so that I could see the people passing. I knew this was likely the most difficult roadblock as I needed to cross the road without being noticed, and although I knew I could use my technique to quickly cross, I wanted to keep its usage to a minimum in case I were to find the awakened being from before along the way to the city of Urek.
After some time of watching, I noticed a future opportunity to cross as a group of fast moving travelers overtook a series of slow moving oxen and goods wagons, a gap that slowly increased in size as they continued on. I knew at some point the gap would be great enough for me to slip by without so much as a simple question from the wagon drivers. As a result, I began to follow the now widening gap, moving with the flow of foot traffic until it was large enough to cross. Then the wagons came to a stop, likely to check something, and although the gap began to form faster then, I held off on moving as I wanted to see what the wagon drivers would do.
"Hey there. Looking to cross?"
I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard the voice ring out, causing me to spin around to see who the owner of it was. To my surprise, a youthful, white-haired man covered by a tattered cloak and having several scars of varying sizes about his face had somehow managed to sneak up on me. He smiled a friendly smile, almost as if he wanted to befriend me. Regardless of this, I was put on immediate alert given the sudden and quiet approach, ready to reach for my blade should he do anything funny.
There was a moment of tense silence as I looked him up and down to determine based on his body language what his end goal was, and he clearly did the same, though to him the silence between us was likely more awkward than it was tense given that I hadn't responded to his question. He then noticed the blood and partially dried mud on me, his expression turning to one of grave concern, to which I quickly turned to walk away, following the now moving gap as the wagons had begun to roll once more.
"Hey, you alright?" he asked, a hint of an accent as he said this, though it was buried in concern. As I began to turn , he called out again. "Hey!"
Before I could take my second step, I felt a hand touch my shoulder, causing me to spin around once more, though this time I actually reached for my blade, my hand coming to a rest on its grip. I scowled at him as I stepped away, hoping that the look from a warrior would give him the clear indication that I didn't want to be annoyed let alone manhandled. He recoiled, pulling his hand back as he realized his mistake, but after a moment, the look on his face transformed into shocked realization.
"A warrior," he whispered to himself.
I initially backed away slowly, glancing briefly at the road to see how far the wagons had moved, but this changed into my turning and sprinting away, leaving the man behind before he had a chance to respond or call out to me again.
In hindsight, that event was beyond being too close of a call, with the man having seen my face and even evidence of what I was accused of, but at that time I simply brushed it off, seeing it as only a close call since he didn't say my name or appear to recognize who I was. Regardless, I would be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little shaken by the sudden encounter.
The next day was completely uneventful as I moved in a straight northeastern direction, passing through the forest and across a vast plain until I was into the woods again, reaching the latter by sunset. The route provided me with enough time to sort out some of my thoughts and even more so distracted me from the reality I now found myself in, that being on the run and tracking an awakened being that I knew I had no power to fight against alone. I unfortunately don't remember much about the scenery I saw, preoccupied then with planning and internal reflection to pay any attention.
I continued through this forest for a little longer afterwards, trying to cover as much ground as possible, but when I finally came to a stop to rest, I found myself a ways outside of a small town with a single road passing through it. It was already night when I found this, the light of the sun having become nothing but a dim glow beyond the horizon, and with this went the people of this town and those traveling the road, them being so few and far between that it was very easy for me to cross undetected. When I did eventually continue on, I moved around the town and beyond it so that I could make camp for the night, being careful to go as far out as possible from it to prevent being stumbled upon.
The moon was just coming out when I finally started setting up camp, a simple task of putting my blade into the ground and sitting down though being sure not to light a fire so I wouldn't be detected by random passersby. Then again, the warmth of a fire was hardly needed by a warrior. Despite this, I would be lying if I said I would've liked a campfire going at that time; there was something calming and emotionally warm about one, and at that time in my life, I honestly believe that I needed a bit of that warmth then.
How? I thought after sitting in the quiet for a while. How did this all happen so suddenly? Where did I go wrong?
It was as if I was left in limbo then, forced to relive those memories over and over, looking for a way out or a way to prevent those moments from ever happening, forced to watch as my life changed before my very eyes, and forced to simply lie down and accept the change before me as I had no choice. It was an involuntary shift in perspective, and one that only left me wishing for the life I was hoping to have after this hunt. But four days of travel, reflection, and adjustment to my present situation only resulted in me questioning the outcome of my end goal and even more so filling me with more self-doubt than before any of this began.
It all seemed ridiculously unlucky as I reflect on it now, to the point of it being laughable, but back then it felt horrible, having to avoid towns and look over my shoulder constantly, questioning everyone I met and doubting every action I made. Is this it? Is this how my life will be? Those very thoughts went through my head then, alongside many others. It was one of the few times in my life where I felt truly lost, no matter how much I told myself otherwise or how much I considered the next step in the plan.
I was pulled from these reflections by the sounds of faint, distant voices, the sound distinct to me following that night a few days before. For a brief instant I found myself reliving the moments from that night again, the girl in my arms and the desecration of bodies all around me vivid, and with them came the rapid urge to get up and run to the source of the voices. Unlike the night when it happened, where I sat, listened, and debated for a time whether or not to rush out and help, this time I indulged in the urge with little hesitation, practically leaping up, grabbing my blade, and running towards the source.
Come on! I thought to myself as I ran, using yoki to increase my speed even further. I pushed myself more during that short distance than I had in a long while. No doubt I likely alerted any nearby warriors and perhaps the awakened being as well of my presence there, but I didn't care then. I was more concerned with getting to the source.
Soon I could see light in the distance, signifying how close I was to a camp and likely the source of the voices, and as a result, I dramatically slowed and quieted my pace, my legs practically screaming then as I covered a great distance in such a short period of time. At this point, it was difficult to suppress my yoki completely like before, so I continued on, knowing full well that whatever was nearby would likely sense me approaching.
But, the scene I actually saw was far different to what I was expecting as when I ducked down behind some bushes, I saw a group of children playing around a campfire, their parents watching and smiling as they did. I was quickly realizing what I heard was in reality these children running around chasing each other as children do, and an overwhelming feeling of relief soon took hold. A false alarm, I thought.
It was clear the family was not one to regularly travel since they were resting way out in the wilderness without anyone keeping watch and their weapons weren't close by, their weapons and some of their belongings still strapped to one of their two horses. Regardless of this fact, I knew that as long as someone was prepared to defend them or if they were ready to flee should something arise, things would be alright.
My intention was to watch them for a brief moment and then travel back to my camp, or rather to make a new camp as by this point I had traveled so far that my previous one was likely lost to the wilderness, but this plan ultimately fell through as I soon found myself preoccupied by watching this family living their life before me. I have no idea how long I watched them for, perhaps a brief moment, maybe a long while, but watching them back then reminded me of something I hadn't thought about in a long while, that being my childhood or rather what I always found lacking from it.
Being snatched away from my parents at an early age, taken in by the organization shortly thereafter, and spending the rest of my childhood training up to be a disposable weapon for their research definitely left me wishing for a do-over. And even then, the peace and happiness and deep familial bond this family had with each other was something I thoroughly believed at that time that I would never get to experience, not in any proper sort of way at the very least. Of course, that would change over the course of ninety years, but I digress. In that moment, I was broken in spirit, jaded from many negative experiences but from those that didn't I found myself anticipating the next blow.
This melancholic reminisce would only last so long for in the corner of my vision I soon saw something move in the distance, causing me to turn in its direction. With the lighting of the campfire it was difficult for me to see what it was that moved initially, but after scouring the smudges in my sight I soon realized what did move, much to my surprise.
Out in the distance was the same man from the day prior, positioned just behind some bushes and watching the family before him. I admit I initially doubted what I was seeing, thinking that there was no possible way he followed me or that I was mistaking him for someone else, but after looking closely for a moment, those doubts quickly washed away, the white hair covered by his tattered, brown cloak unmistakable.
It is him. But why is he... I thought, stopping to look back to the family, the children being pulled together by the mother and father to watch a small insect or creature walk across the ground by them. Is he a bandit? Why is he here?
When I turned back to the man once more, I started analyzing him, looking to see what sort of intent he had, or what weapons or objects he might have partially displayed to hint to what it would be. But, I found nothing that would tip me off to any darker reason for him being here, his relaxed posture, his crossed and bandaged arms, even the smile on his face as he watched revealed no such darker purpose. For all intents and purposes, it seemed like he just happened to be there watching them.
This worried me. I soon wracked my mind trying to find something - no, anything - that would signify an ulterior motive, something that would reveal his darker purpose, even going so far as to try and sense any yoki from him, despite the fact that there shouldn't be any male awakened beings left on the island. But in my thinking, and sensing of nothing, I found no such signs, despite the oddity that he was here somehow despite the fact I traveled perhaps sixteen leagues to get here.
His expression quickly changed to one of suspicion, him looking around as if he heard or saw something in his sight, but this would only last briefly.
It was then that he spotted me.
