Originally posted on Ao3 - 2022-02-04

Beta-readers: Folgoll
Find us on Discord: cEkekdvur5


I was not expecting to see this man again, his round features, pronounced cheekbones, thick beard, and balding head immediately reminding me of the time when I inadvertently saved his life and the life of a friend of his, back during the early days of the Purge of the Awakened. He was a boisterous man with a kind soul whom was always quick in wanting to help others, his heart quite soft despite the strong and tough exterior. Many scars dotted his skin as he had seen many tough times in his youth from what I determined, adding credence to my theory that he was perhaps a strongman or fighter then, but this wasn't revealed to me until some time after this encounter as he was quite secretive on the sort of action he had seen.

"Miri-" Bertrand started loudly, causing me to instantly recoil from both the loudness of his voice and the realization that he was about to reveal my identity to everyone around us. Thankfully, before he could finish saying my name, Toulouse stopped him. Lifting his hand to just below his own mouth, shushing the man out until Bertrand totally stopped himself, only for the other to be left with an expression of complete confusion. I was slightly worried that the man beside me would lay a hand on Bertrand as his other arm began to raise, but thankfully all he did was place it on the shoulder of the burly man.

"Not so loud, my friend," Toulouse said, whispering as he looked over his shoulder to see if anyone overheard him. Bertrand, realizing what he was getting at, looked around as well, taking longer to do so than Toulouse, and as a result appearing the most suspicious of the three of us. Thankfully, no one did.

"What are you doing here?" he finally asked me, his tone low now so that no one would hear. "You shouldn't be here out in the open. What if someone notices you?"

Before I had a chance to respond, Toulouse interjected, surprised by our familiarity; "You know each other?"

"Yeah, from four years back," Bertrand replied quickly, head shaking and hand waiving as he did. "When I was briefly traveling near the southern basin, she saved my life and the life of my friend, Callus." Once he finished, he turned his attention back to me. I knew immediately what he was going to ask.

"Please tell me you didn't-"

"No, of course not," I replied.

As soon as this was said, a look of relief appeared on him. "Oh, thank the goddesses. I knew it wasn't true but the rate at which word's spreading..." It was then that he noticed my present outward state. "Speaking of which, you look like you've been through Hell. No armor, a beaten up cloak-"

"Bertrand, perhaps it's best we took this inside?"

Upon Toulouse saying this, Bertrand and I both realized that people were beginning to watch us, some surviving locals and other travelers showing curiosity or suspicion in what we were discussing, especially given the fact that I looked incredibly suspicious as it was.

"Right," he whispered after a subtle nod. "Let's talk inside."

Toulouse and I nodded in reply but were quickly caught off guard when Bertrand raised his voice, this time at a traveler coming over. "Come back in a bit. I have to sort some things out."

"Really?" this person said, somewhat annoyed. "I just got here!"

"I said in a bit, not the whole day!" he boomed in response. "Just... take an early lunch and I'll be back when you're done."

The person waved him off as he walked away. Following this interaction, the three of us quickly disappeared from view.


When we entered the interior of his home, I found that it was devoid of any belongings aside from a few swords and things, and with it's barren situation, our voices echoed throughout it as we spoke briefly in regards to its current state. It was a surprise the fire didn't take over the house, the only signs of it being ash near the doorways, the windows, the base of an interior ladder that led to a loft above, and the overall ashen appearance of the rest of the neighborhood through the windows. I also knew of the holes in the roof from passing the building outside earlier, though these were very evident once inside as there was a very slight whistling of the wind through the burned and splintered roof boards and shingles.

I remember slowing briefly to look into one of the rooms. The ceiling had fallen through due to the weaknesses acquired from the fire and rain, and below this large hole in the ceiling was rubble and destroyed furniture, crushed by the sudden impact of roof wood. Despite the chaotic appearance of the rubble, I could still make out what was beneath it, the remnants of a bed based on the presence of wet hay and a single bed post jutting out of the wood pile. The thought of someone possibly being in that bed... even now, it brings me unease.

It wasn't until we passed by this one room that Toulouse would continue, or rather start again, our conversation from outside. "The damage. It looks severe."

"Aye, it is." Bertrand said as we walked through a part of his home where light shined through the ceiling, the floor below having been cleared of what material would've landed there. "Actually, I was about to ask you if you've heard about it. The fire that is."

"Yeah, on the way here actually," Toulouse replied. "Any idea what the cause was?"

"Some are suspecting bandits, but I can't be sure." Toulouse hummed a bit in concern. "It all happened so fast and without warning, many of those who died did so in their sleep. Thankfully, I was awake polishing some knives when it happened, so I ended up helping with the rescue efforts."

"I pray your wife and kids made it out alright?"

"Oh, the kids have been away for a few years now. My girl's already been married and is off living at Rabona. And my son, he's off adventuring in the West, just like his old dad. But the missus was thankfully away when it all happened."

"Where about?"

"She's out east actually, at some family friend's. But, the missus won't be too happy to find out what happened." He laughed a little, perhaps in a pained way, though this would quickly subside. "Nor the children for that matter."

"Well, at least you're alive."

"Aye, that's the most important thing," Bertrand said. Then a thought occurred to him. "Speaking of which, you've been gone for some years. We were beginning to wonder if something happened to you."

"No, I'm still alive. I've been..." Toulouse stopped himself, immediately catching my attention. "...busy, let's say."

His response was somewhat suspicious, seeing as he refused to elaborate both times this was brought up while I was within earshot of him, but there was another aspect of it that I couldn't put my finger on, something in which he both said it and, perhaps more telling, the subtle hint of emotion that appeared during his pause. It wouldn't be until sometime later that I would finally learn what it was that seemingly troubled him internally, but for the time being, I was left to ponder on this.

Now, that's not to say I wasn't tempted to ask for him to elaborate further as I would have indeed asked in the moment, but unfortunately I would not have a chance to; I was forced to bite my tongue following the next few moments.

"Fair enough. So what brings you two here?"

"Other than passing through?" Toulouse asked. There was a pause, though I would deduce far later that he had in fact pointed in the direction of my bare feet. Following the large man looking me up and down, I very quickly realized he noticed my lack of boots. Before a sound exited his mouth, I knew immediately what he was going to say.

"What? Where are your boots?" Before I could respond, he raised his finger as he began to step back, saying, "Oh, no-no-no. Here."

"No, you don't have to-" I started, only to be interrupted by his familiarly loud voice.

"No, no! I insist!" He then turned and continued out the door to his cart, likely to find a pair of boots to give me. I watched as he climbed and practically burrowed his way through his cart, remaining underneath its tarp as he moved things aside and knocked things over. As he proceeded with his noisy digging, I turned to Toulouse in hopes that he would say something to him to stop him, seeing as the two knew each other far longer than I did, but instead of this, he simply grinned and shrugged, causing me to sigh silently.

"I take it you're already familiar with his obstinance?" Toulouse asked finally after some time of watching this blacksmith's rummaging.

"Yeah," I simply replied.

"If it's any consolation, he's like that with everyone," He said after a chuckle. "Even with me."

Shortly after seeing him climb in, we passed through the door and stood just beyond it to watch him proceed in his burrowing. This gave me the opportunity to get a closer look at the cart. The cart was clearly old, appearing as if it had been left sitting in a barn for quite awhile before being brought to this back alley, stray strands of hay and shifted layers of dust on its surface. What more, the wood surfaces appeared dry and worn out from many changes in weather and damage over time. But, the most notable detail, of course, was the distinct lack of livestock to pull the thing.

"Oh, where are they?" Bertrand asked himself, sounding annoyed as he was having trouble finding them. I could only wonder of the disorganization beneath the tarp as the man continued to move around beneath, the sounds of items shifting, metal clanking, and even the sound of something falling over or perhaps loudly shifting position filling the air as he continued.

"Do you need some help?" Toulouse asked, walking towards the door.

"No, I'm completely fine on my own," the blacksmith replied with a strained voice as he was likely reaching for something. We continued through the doorway regardless. After some more digging, he finally stopped and began to crawl out, exclaiming, "Ah! Found them!"

The sound of objects being moved and items softly banging against each other rang out once more as he crawled rather ungracefully from within the cart, his overall size likely making it impossible for him to squeeze by some of the things he had stored away. The image of him clambering over what may be within the cart while remaining under the tarp instead of simply removing it, of course, appeared rather humorous overall. I remember even hearing a faint snort from the man standing beside me, though when I looked, all I saw was him smiling to the sight and nothing more.

Eventually he reemerged from the cart and stood atop it, nearly falling over as he stood up perhaps a bit too quickly, but upon doing so, he tossed to me a pair of tall boots, saying "Here, take these."

As I caught them, I proceeded to take a good look at them, comparing their size to the size of my foot and checking their general condition to ensure they would fit and not let in a lot of water. This task only took a few moments, but soon I found myself in an odd situation.

Holding them in hand, I felt a great hesitation overcome me. It was as if something within me was preventing me from taking them immediately, like that of a timid stray dog refusing to approach an individual holding out food. It was indeed a first for me. Perhaps it was guilt I was feeling, as I didn't actually want to take them in case someone else needed them, that or it was guilt for taking them without any means of repaying the man. Regardless of what it was, in the moment I found it incredibly difficult to keep them outright.

"Is something wrong?" Toulouse asked me with a concerned look.

I hesitated to answer, but eventually I replied. "I can't possibly take these."

"What?" Toulouse asked and Bertrand echoed, both shocked at my response.

"I'm sorry."

"No, I insist," Bertrand said.

"I... don't even have a way to pay you," I responded, looking for an excuse; it sounded like weak one, even as it left my mouth.

"Then I'll pay for them," Toulouse said.

"That's not-"

Before I could finish my response, I was interrupted by a very loud and angry Bertrand. "You will do no such thing!"

Evidently we found a way to insult the man as he looked completely offended, almost as if one of us had just insulted his wife or cursed his father. Both Toulouse and I were taken far aback at the response, but despite initially thinking it was perhaps me who offended him, upon looking closer, it was clear that Bertrand was upset with Toulouse for making the mere suggestion of a payment.

The man beside me looked completely surprised, but not frightened, from the response received, being unable to speak for a moment. Eventually, "What?" was all he could reply with.

Following this, Bertrand realized how loud he had gotten and had quickly become red in the face with embarrassment, causing him to turn to the street to see if anyone had noticed him. In the street was a passerby who heard the shout, confused and concerned with what he'd just heard, but after receiving a smile and wave from Bertrand, the person quickly carried on their way, hoping not to get involved in whatever altercation they may find themselves in should they remain there any longer.

"Look. There is absolutely no need to hand over money of any kind," he said to Toulouse, then in turning to me, he added, "You've helped me in the past, both of you. So, consider this a partial repayment."

"Bertrand," Toulouse began, and in turning to him I saw him reaching for his bag of coin. I knew immediately this would not end well. "I would really like to-"

"You keep that hand off your coin, or I'll..." Bertrand started threateningly.

There was a tense pause between him and Toulouse, almost as if Toulouse was assessing the validity of his threat or gauging if he should continue further, but after a moment of pause, a smile began to appear on the two men's faces. Soon the two were laughing a little, releasing the tension I felt then.

"Alright," Toulouse said. "No sense in arguing about it then."

"Sit here as you put them on. Don't want to get covered in soot and mud now, yeah?" the blacksmith said to me. He realized quickly that what he said then was nonsensical, given that I had been traveling through mud, water, and ash for several days by now, and in seeing so, he weakly added, "Well, you know what I mean."

I nodded in response and approached the cart, boots in hand. By this point, I had finally given in, knowing that he wouldn't take no for an answer. As I did, he climbed down from the cart, being careful not to slip and fall in damp mud, and in getting to his feet on the ground, he placed his hand on his thigh and said, "These legs. They aren't like they used to be."

Upon sitting down, I proceeded to clean my feet and put on the boots, and as this was occurring, Bertrand had come to stand next to Toulouse, the two soon proceeding well into conversation. Mind you, I finished fastening these boots fairly quickly, but I wanted to at least hear what the two were speaking about, seeing as it may reveal some info on their background. Sadly though, I've forgotten much of this conversation over the years as it was quite mundane and likely yielded no useful information to me then, but despite that I do remember a bit that was perhaps suspicious.

"When are you planning on leaving?" Toulouse asked.

"I'm planning on heading out tomorrow to my brother's place a long way's east of here," Bertrand replied. "I've already sent notice to my wife and daughter of where I'll be. My brother's also a smithy, though I don't know how much he'd like the fact I'm going to live nearby him. Truth be told, I'm not so sure if I'll be able to make it out of here tomorrow either."

"How so?" I asked, hopping down from the cart.

"Still too many items. Some big some small. Not enough room."

"What about that sculpture my friend gave you?" Toulouse asked. "Do you still have it?"

"Oh, right... the sculpture." The way in which this was said immediately piqued my interest. "I do, but it's weighing me down."

"Sculpture?" I asked, unable to resist questioning it.

"It's a..." Toulouse started, though he quickly hesitated to continue, almost as if he was trying to think of a way to describe it. "...gift I received from a friend ages ago."

"It's been changing hands ever since," Bertrand shrugged, almost swooping in to continue the train of thought. "Kind of a gag gift really, but still."

"I know someone interested in buying it," Toulouse then said. "In fact, I'm meeting him at Urek. Perhaps I could buy it off you for him?"

"I'll just give it to you in that case."

"But, I want it shipped to him before I arrive."

Here we go again, I thought.

"Yeah? And?" Bertrand asked, unable to see his point.

"Which means I don't want to be hauling the huge thing with me while I travel?" Toulouse said, sounding confused that the man couldn't see his point. "It weighs a ton. You know this."

"Why not have Miria carry it? You seem well acquainted at this point."

I was taken slightly aback by the comment, but was unable to respond in time.

"We're parting ways after this," Toulouse said. There was a pause then, whether it be due to their impasse or their collective realization of Toulouse's and my present scenario. There was a soft sigh from Toulouse before he continued. "Please, Bertrand. I must insist."

He said nothing initially, clearly divided on what to do, even attempting to say something only to stop himself before a sound was even emitted, but finally he sighed and said, "Fine."

"Ten for it to be shipped there within five days," Toulouse said with a smile, speaking so soon after Bertrand's response that he even caught me off guard.

"That's a bit-"

"Twelve if you argue with me."

There was a brief laugh between the two of them, followed by the exchange of funds. I didn't realize how much money Toulouse had on him, pulling a bundle from his satchel that he hid beneath his cloak and revealing what appeared to be close to a hundred beras, but despite the action, I wasn't as surprised as I would've been had the man not accidentally revealed his past as a mercenary. Regardless, money changed hands and the blacksmith was now free of some heavy art piece.


After talking for a little while longer, we finally said our farewells and parted ways from this man, him going back to selling what remained of his stock and the two of us out of the town and back into the wilderness, away from both prying eyes and into the slightly safer forests surrounding the town. Of course, this would not be the last time I'd see him, but that's a story for another time.

Although I initially intended to travel with Toulouse before I got boots at this town, when the topic was brought up, I chose to continue our journey together a bit further, at least until we reached a point where we would need to part again, as it would allow me to, as I would've said back then, "keep tabs on him for a bit longer." This would sound counter to what I mentioned, or rather decided, earlier the night before, and I acknowledge even now my initial reasoning behind it wasn't sound either. But as I recant it now, after having lived many years and many experiences, I feel I know exactly what the true reason was.

Quite frankly, I enjoyed his company.

Looking back, I denied it for so long, at least until I didn't, but the reason I didn't just run off and leave him behind or mutually part ways with him directly was exactly this. For the longest time, I've known only the friendship of warriors and nothing more for any human I'd come across, but just for that brief moment, I felt a connection with this man like all warriors before him. I felt comfortable speaking to him, like one would with an old friend.

During our hike northeast in the woods, far beyond the charred remains of the forest surrounding Ferrus, I recall us conversing about various topics just as we did earlier that morning, and with slightly less resistance from myself I might add, but most notable of these topics was of Rabona. I'm not sure how it came up, but when it came up at some point he mentioned something that both surprised me and inspired a curiosity within me that I could not resist feeding.

"What's the holy city like?" he asked.

I was completely dumbfounded when he asked this, and nearly stopped walking altogether. Thankfully, I didn't. "Y... You haven't been to the city?"

He noticed my expression and laughed a bit. "No, I have, but it's been a while."

"How long?"

"Not since the collapse."

"Oh."

"What's it like now though?"

His question spurred my fond memories of the place, both recent and distant. I was briefly brought back to my last visit there, speaking with Galatea and enjoying my time with the other warriors, but of course it would not last as I would quickly remind myself of that one night. "It's about the same. Bigger, more people, but the same."

"Are the walls still there?"

"Yeah."

"Interesting." He paused to think. "I might just visit at some point. It's admittedly been a few years. Well, not since I was kicked out."

"You were kicked out?" I asked him, bewildered by the lax way in which he mentioned it. He seemed to notice his error as soon as I asked this, similar to earlier when he revealed his mercenary background, and he replied hesitantly in a way I was quickly seeing as his normal response to these sorts of situations.

"It's... a long story."

"I'd like to hear the story behind that." I had to call him out on it then.

"Oh, many do." He smiled. I chuckled. Then, there was a pause as we changed topics.

"You mentioned earlier that you travel alone now?" I asked him. "What made you change you mind?"

His expression seemed to change as soon as I asked this as he was not expecting it, though I could tell there was a deeper, more subtle emotion there. Perhaps it was pain, perhaps it was regret, I could not know. But as was usual...

"That's... also a long story."

"Well, now you're just taunting me," I said, noticing the sort of half-smile that formed.

"I mean..." He hesitated again, the look appearing once more. A still-fresh wound? I thought, but before I could apologize and change subjects, he continued. "At some point, I had... a bit of a change in heart. That and my circumstances changed."

"Circumstances?" I wasn't about to ask of his change in heart.

"That's something I won't divulge." He was firm in response this time, and as a result I noted internally to not pry further. Following this, his expression changed yet again, this time to a faint smile like the kind you'd see on someone as they reflected on an eventful past. "But, it's revealed a lot about who I am as a person, what I want out of life. It showed me how vulnerable I am to many things I once thought weren't possible. It's been... good of an experience. Aside from the occasional loneliness, of course." A pause. "It just means I don't get to travel with as many people as I used to, including the occasional warrior."

"You've traveled with warriors before?"

He stopped walking as he realized what he had said. With this statement, he knew he revealed far too much, causing me to again feel that sense of suspicion as when we spoke with Bertrand. This behavior too, his accidentally revealing too much and immediately hesitating to elaborate, was another common quality of his I was picking up on. Regardless of that quality, with my suspicion roused, I stopped and turned to him.

"I..." he started, though as soon he made eye contact with me again, he looked away and rubbed the back of his neck. I simply stood there for a moment to take in the look of embarrassment on his face. I've honestly never had a person open up like this before, and although I would chalk it up to nervousness, I was still surprised enough for my jaw to hang open a little. He finally finished his thought by this point: "...believe I've said to much."

Soon, I turned back to our direction of travel and shook my head, smiling though as I wasn't upset with what he had said. But, I eventually turned back to him to respond with, "I sense you are keeping plenty of secrets."

He looked back to me, breathed in, and quietly exhaled before continuing past me. "And I like to keep it that way."

"Tch."

There was a pause again until we continued, the two of us stepping over a fallen tree blocking our path. Following the action, he asked, "But, what about you?"

"What secrets I'm hiding?" I asked him half-jokingly. His reaction was to be expected.

"W-what?" he asked with embarrassed surprise, only to then see what I meant. He shook his head. "No, no, no. I-" He quickly composed himself. "I mean why aren't you traveling with other warriors? Just seems strange since most of the time I've heard you all usually keep together. Since the Battle of Rabona I mean."

I sensed he was going to ask this eventually.

"Truthfully, I did," I initially replied, though I found myself hesitant to continue as the topic stabbed at a still-open wound. It was a question I wasn't completely expecting as the conversation was mainly focused on him for a small time, and it was one that soon caused me to relive those recent memories to some degree. "Actually, I was on a hunt a week back with a group."

I quickly became aware of the deafening silence from the man beside me, and in turning to him I saw a look of realization form, only to be followed by a look of high concern. "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't realize-"

"No, it's... fine," I stopped him, knowing what he was going to say. I stopped momentarily as the memories flowed back of not just that night, but the days, weeks, months, and years before spent with them. Despite this, I continued, though staring at the ground as I did:

"It's actually why I'm headed to Urek. There's an awake..." I stopped myself, forgetting the human population on the island weren't necessarily aware of the term. "...a voracious eater headed out that way. I'm planning on taking care of it."

"Alone?" he asked, sounding surprised. By this point, we had continued walking onward, but I digress.

"No, I know of some other warriors out there. They're friends of mine." I paused as I stepped over a tree root, though this wasn't the reason for my pause. "But, the group I was with perished from the thing. It took a lot of effort and we were close, but we didn't finish the job as intended. It was a misstep on my part."

"We're you close with them?" His voice was softer than before.

"Of course. It's a bit hard not to become close friends when you've put your lives into each other's hands. We went through both the best and the worst of times together. Some of them I even trained. But, now that's all..."

I sighed as the emotion within was becoming stronger than before, threatening to emerge as tears or worse, but after a moment to collect myself, I realized that I had been rambling this entire time. In turn, I apologized softly.

It took me a moment of silence to compose myself as at the time I wasn't intent on showing any emotion to Toulouse let alone what I had already shown so far, and due to this we both stopped in our tracks. I closed my eyes and breathed, like that night following my solo getaway from the group of bandits, and with this, I felt calm overcome me once more, the sounds of the forest around me with its birds chirping and the breeze through its trees adding to my calm. I soon became aware of our shared silence, which was likely awkward for my new acquaintance.

"I'm probably boring you. I don't even know why I'm telling you this."

When I turned to him, I fully expected him to be stood there awkwardly, unsure of what to do or say. I admit, seeing as warriors were never really good about showing emotion around others, I wouldn't be surprised if this was the case. But, instead of this, all I saw was a subtle smile on him, the light of the sun shining upon the left side of his face and its light glinting in his pale brown eyes and white hair.

"It's alright," he said softly. "I understand."


A/N (originally from Ao3): Hi all. I'm not one to post notes, but seeing as its been nearly 6 months since the last post, I'll leave a little note here for you all. I've been really busy with life, and as a result I've neglected this series. I want to make it up to you all. I've got a lot planned for this series, and if I were to release this infrequently as now, I'd be unable to finish this. So to do so, I'll be writing longer chapters from now on. Other than that, thanks for the support and best of luck in whatever life throws at you.