Chapter 7 – Burn
Shrek stands on the sidewalk in front of a small, yellow house. Barry B. Benson's house. Apparently, the little bastard moved up to Duloc. Good. This has made it much easier for Shrek to kill him. And then maybe burn his house down. Depends on how the night goes. Shrek walks up to the front door, rage burning in his blood. It's time for Barry to pay in blood.
Shrek tries the door handle, expecting it to be locked. It's not. Perfect, Shrek thinks with an evil grin. He slams open the door, almost tearing it off of its hinges, before stepping inside to finally confront the piss stain who murdered the man he loved.
Shrek creeps through the dark hallways of Barry's house, careful not to alert him to his presence. He can't let Barry have enough warning to escape. Finally, Shrek spots a door with light coming out of the cracks. Soon enough, that bee will be in pieces.
He opens the door and steps inside to see a room lit by pink lamps with a large bed backed up against one wall. On that bed is a naked Barry B. Benson lying next to a discarded sweater and looking right at Shrek.
"And here I was, starting to think you wouldn't be coming," Barry says with a smile. "Glad to know you did get my text after all. Now let's get to business." He gestures to his gross, yellow, bee dick.
Shrek is a little stunned and unsure what to say, so instead of saying anything he just let's out an ogre roar and rips the door to the room right off of its hinges, before quickly throwing at Barry B. Benson. Barry scrambles to get out of the way, but the broken door hits him right in the dick before falling to the floor. Barry screams in pain and grabs at his bloody, splinter-filled groin. His pain makes Shrek the happiest he has been since Donkey died.
"What the FUCK Shrek!" Barry shouts in agony from his now blood-stained bed. "What the hell did I ever do to you?!"
"You know what you did, you little pissdick," Shrek growls. "Donkey knows what you did too. Why don't I drag you out to his grave and make you say that again?"
"What are you even talking about?" Barry pleads while trying to stop the bleeding with his sheets. "I didn't do anything to Donkey! We all read the note! Just fulfil his last wish and be with me, Shrek. Just get my phone and call an ambulance. I'll forgive you, Shrek. Please."
"No one ever sent you Donkey's suicide note," Shrek says. "I'm sure the reason you know what it says is the same reason I found an engagement in the mud where he died."
"Shrek, please, you're being crazy," Barry begs. "I'm sure that's just some random ring someone lost. And didn't Fiona tell you that she sent me the note?"
"SHE DIDN'T FUCKING SEND YOU THE NOTE!" Shrek shouts. "AND THE RING HAS MY FUCKING NAME ENGRAVED ONTO IT! YOU MURDERED DONKEY AND WROTE THAT NOTE YOURSELF! AND NOW I AM GOING TO PAINT THE WALLS WITH YOUR ORGANS!"
If Barry still had a functioning penis, he would be pissing himself right about now. Somewhere, deep down in his cold, empty soul, he knows he deserves this. However, conveniently for him, he can't hear that tiny part of his soul. So, instead of accepting his fate, he scramble for his yellow, turtleneck sweater and desperately pulls out his gun as Shrek barrels across the room. Shrek is only a few feet away as Barry turns and blindly the fires the gun at him.
Shrek stops running as with a loud bang he feels a sudden, searing pain burn through his chest. He looks down to see a bloody hole through his shirt. He looks up at Barry holding a smoking pistol and realizes what happened. Fuck.
"Look what you made me do, Shrek!" Barry yells, still pointing the gun at Shrek. "I didn't want to kill you too! But you've finally made it quite clear that I will never have you! Well, if I can't have you, then nobody can! You can go rot in Hell with your fucking animal, for all I care!"
Shrek laughs. "The only one going to Hell tonight, is you!"
Barry shoots again. And again. And again. And again. He unloads every bullet in the gun straight into Shrek's chest. But none of them seem to be enough to kill the ogre.
Shrek laughs again as his hands begin to glow. "There's something I never told you, Barry." He says as his face begins glowing as well. "I'm not an ogre. I'm a Time Lord."
Barry lowers his empty gun. "Wait, like from Doctor Who?" He asks, sounding confused.
Shrek grins, although it's no longer visible through the glow. "Burn in hell, Barry."
With that last statement, violent beams of energy begin to shoot from Shrek's hands and head as the Time Lord begins to regenerate. He floats in and out of consciousness as his body and mind are broken down and rebuilt.
He comes to sometime later, lying on his side in the charred ruins of Barry's house. The bee is nowhere to be seen, but any of the countless piles of ash around here could be him. The Time Lord groans and tries to climb to his feet, but when he stands, he only falls forward onto his hands. That's when he notices how weird he feels.
He looks over body and sees that he is still green. Good, Shrek likes being green. He then notices that it's not his skin that is green, but his fur. That's different. Then Shrek sees his hands, or more accurately, his hooves. Hooves?
Shrek snaps completely awake and immediately realizes that he regenerated into a green donkey. He stumbles around on his unusual legs looking for a mirror in the rubble. He finds one buried in the ash and does his best to clean it off. He looks into the mirror and is shocked to see Donkey staring back at him. Well, a green version of Donkey, but Shrek would recognize him anywhere, green or not.
Shrek smiles and stands up to leave what's left of the house. He feels weirdly at peace with this as he walks through the wreck, already feeling a lot more confident on his new hooves. In a way, he has Donkey back. He could never replace the real Donkey, of course, but it feels like he has a small part of him back. It feels like closure.
Shrek walks out of the smoking ruin to see that it's already morning. The sky is clear and the sun is shining.
And for the first time in weeks, it feels like things will finally be okay again.
