Chapter 8 – Epilogue

About four days have passed since Shrek killed Barry and regenerated into a green version of Donkey, and things have been going great. Fiona was relieved that Shrek survived the fire, although it took a little convincing for her to believe that it really was Shrek. She cheered when Shrek told her that Barry was dead and suggested a party to celebrate.

The party was just yesterday and the whole neighborhood was invited. It was a lot of fun for everyone except Farquaad, because once everyone was there, Vanessa Farquaad publicly handed him divorce papers and said she was leaving him for Fiona. He was furious but had no choice but to agree. Then Fiona proposed to Vanessa and everything was great. They're getting married in a few months and plan to both take Vanessa's maiden name, Bloome, becoming Fiona and Vanessa Bloome.

Shrek was happy for them, of course, but he couldn't stop thinking about how he and Donkey should've been getting married too. Which is why he started his day out by heading to the cemetery where an empty casket sits under Donkey's headstone.


The green donkey walks through the gates to the cemetery, and makes his way to the newest grave. The grass hasn't even begun to grow back yet in front of Donkey's headstone. Shrek sits down in the grass next to it and sighs.

"Hey Donkey," Shrek says to the empty grave, knowing that it will do nothing but make him feel better. "I know now that you didn't kill yourself, and I killed that bastard that did this to you." Shrek looks down at his still-unfamiliar body and lets out a single chuckle. "I think you can see how well that went." He pauses and just listens to the wind for a while.

"Fiona and Vanessa are finally getting married. Farquaad is so furious, I wish you could see it," Shrek says. "I found your ring in the river. I don't know if you knew this, but I had my own ring. I think we were going to propose on the same night. I swear I can already hear you laughing about it as we pull them out at the same time."

Shrek pauses to use his mouth to pull the bracelet he bought for Donkey out of his bag. He almost drops it and once again finds himself missing his hands. But if Donkey could deal with this, then Shrek can get used it too.

He sets the small box on top of Donkey's grave and sighs. "I don't need this anymore, so I think I'll leave it here with you," he says. "Now all I need to do is figure out how to wear the ring you bought for me. I don't exactly have fingers anymore. Maybe I could get it as a piercing?"

Shrek's train of thought wanders off and soon he's just sitting peacefully by Donkey's grave. He's not sure how much time has passed but he's starting to consider leaving when he hears someone walking up behind him. "Shrek?" an all too familiar voice says.

Shrek whips around to see a face he hasn't seen in some time. "Donkey?" he asks, not sure if the grey donkey standing before him is even real.

Donkey smiles. "It's been so long, Shrek," he says in that beautiful voice of his. "And from the looks of things you missed me too."

Shrek looks down at the green donkey he currently is and feels a little embarrassed. "I thought you were dead, Donkey," he says. "We all did."

Donkey shakes his head. "I never died, my love," Donkey explains. "I was washed downstream by the river and spent the last few weeks recovering in a hospital just a few towns over. I would've called but I had been unconscious. I only woke up today but you weren't answering your phone. I spoke to Fiona and after some explaining and a lot of hugs, she said you would be here."

Shrek feels himself crying tears of joy as he runs to embrace the love of his life. They just sit there like that for a few minutes until Shrek remembers something. He runs back to the now pointless grave and picks up the box. He rushes back over to Donkey and flips it open.

"Donkey, will you marry me?" Shrek says excitedly, already knowing the answer.

Donkey laughs. "Now I wish I still had mine on me so I could also propose! But yes, Shrek, of course I will marry you."

The two of them then kiss passionately until Donkey pulls away. "Let's go home, Shrek. I've got a surprise for you," he says.

Shrek nods and they leave, two donkey's walking side by side.


Shrek follows Donkey into their backyard. He was expecting the surprise to be sex and frankly is a little disappointed, but curious, nonetheless. He steps into the backyard after Donkey to see Barry B. Benson, bound and gagged, leaning up against the grill.

Shrek quickly turns to Donkey. "What the fuck, he's alive? And what's he doing here, Donkey?" Shrek asks, as Barry looks up and tries to says something through the gag.

"As soon as I showed up back in Duloc, he immediately started giving me trouble," Donkey explains. "So I kidnapped him. I thought you would want to kill him yourself."

"And I thought I already killed him," Shrek says.

"So, how do you want to do it?" Donkey asks as he looks at Shrek.

"Hmmmmm," Shrek ponders. "I tried to kill him in a fire a few days, but he must've been able to sneak out while I was busy regenerating. I say we finish the job and just light him on fire."

Barry's eyes widen in fear as the sounds he's making become more desperate. Clearly, he is not a fan of that idea.

"Ooh, I love it. I'll go get the matches and maybe some newspaper to help start it," Donkey says as he heads into the house.

Shrek walks over to the grill and pulls Barry into the firepit. He pauses for a moment before shrugging and tearing off Barry's gag. "Any last words, pissbug?" Shrek asks with a grin.

"Please, Shrek, you've got the wrong guy," Barry begs. "I'm your true love, not that imposter! That's not even the real Donkey!"

Shrek laughs. "Oh yeah, I'm sure you would think that," Shrek gloats. "You're probably thinking 'That can't be Donkey! My shitty murder scheme was as perfect as I am! Donkey couldn't have survived!' Well guess what, pissbug. You may have made me sad for a few weeks but now you will die a horrible, painful death. A death that you deserve. And I'll tell you once. Fuck right off to Hell and never come back. Okay?"

Barry tries to say something, but Shrek shoves the gag back his mouth before a single word can come out. Even when he's about to died, Barry is still trying to tear Donkey away from Shrek. Well, nothing will ever separate them again. Nothing.

A minute later, Donkey returns with the matches and a couple of newspapers. He lays the papers around Barry and holds the matches out to Shrek. "Will you do the honors, dear?" he asks with a bow.

"Of course I will," Shrek says, trying not to laugh at Donkey's stupid bow.

After fumbling around with the box for a bit, Shrek finally lights a match and throws it onto Barry B. Benson. The fire starts to grow and Barry is struggling to scream through his gag, but Shrek thinks this could be a little faster.

"Donkey, could you get some gasoline?" Shrek asks.

"Of course. I was thinking the same thing," Donkey says as he walks off.

About a minute later he's already returned with the gasoline. He uncaps it and begins to pour it all over Barry. The fire flairs up and Barry's screams grow louder. If it wasn't for the gag, Shrek is sure the police would already be questioning them. Soon the gasoline is gone and Donkey and Shrek just sit back and relax as they watch Barry burn.

Before long, his screams die off and the fire is just starting to die down a little. Shrek is sure that Barry is still alive and only stopped screaming because his vocal chords melted. A few more minutes and all that's left is a smoldering corpse and an unpleasant smell.

Donkey looks over to Shrek. "So, now that that's over with, do you want to have sex?" Donkey asks him.

"I thought you'd never ask," Shrek replies.

The two donkey's stand and head inside. With their only enemy dead, their marriage coming later that year, and a night full of good times awaiting them both, things are finally looking up for Shrek and Donkey. This is it. What they've both been waiting for.

They can finally live happily, ever after.

The end.


Hey, thank you for reading to the end!

I just wanted to let you know that this now has a sequel, 'The Beequel: Escape From Hell'!

It's about Barry B. Benson's journey through Hell. But Barry has forgotten something important. And things are not what they seem...