Ivy was hoping for a calm, peaceful morning. As soon as she saw Harley decked out in Batman merch, sitting next to a crocodile also decked out in Batman merch, she knew this would not be the case. There was popcorn all over the place and it looked like Harley had already downed 3 energy drinks.

"What are you so excited about?

"Didn't ya hear?! Brucie is starring this week's episode of 'Gotham's Greatest'."

"I had not." Ivy sat down in the little remaining space of the couch and Harley passed her the popcorn.

The title screen for 'Gotham's Greatest' began to roll. It was a mix between a documentary and a sitcom. No one took it horribly seriously, but it was fun. The actual show started moments later.

"Uh, hi! My name is Bruce Wayne."

"Would you like to tell us a little bit about yourself?"

"Someone asked from behind the camera."

"Sure, sure. I am currently co-CEO of Wayne Enterprises and head of the Martha Wayne foundation. I live here with my five sons and three daughters, not all of which are official or permanent residents, but we all celebrate the holidays together."

"Right, and which holidays do you celebrate?"

"Well with all of us, we practice holidays from Jewish, Muslim, and Christian beliefs. "

"What are some of your favorites?"

"Well the kids love Christmas and I love to see them so excited. Al-Hijra is very important to Damian so we all participate in that as well. After Ramadan Alfred cooks up a big feast. We don't all fast all the time due to various other activities, but Damian takes it very seriously. We also practice Chanukah and Rosh Hashanah. I have fond memories of those as a child so I do my best to share that with my children."

"You do have quite the blended family, some of which have agreed to take part in this episode. Are you worried about what they might have to say?"

"No. I know we have rough patches, some for regrettably long amounts of time, but we always get through it together."

"Thank you for your answers. We'll check in again later."

"Of course! Thank you for choosing my family for your program."

The footage hard cut to a camera peering through a door to the living room. Tim and Jason were playing battleship while Damian lounged with Titus.

"I don't know, Jason. I just don't think a hotdog is a sandwich."

"But how can it not be? It's bread and filling, that's a sandwich. B4."

"Miss."

Neither had looked up from their game while they conversed.

"Merriam Webster defines a sandwich as two or more slices of bread or a split roll having a filling in between."

His brothers looked at him and Tim spoke. "How do you know that off the top of your head?"

"Who cares? I'm right."

"Nuh-uh. Give me a minute… Wikipedia, , the Collins dictionary, and the Oxford dictionary all define a sandwich with two or more pieces of bread with filling. Like when you sandwich things together? F5."

"Hit. I'll take Oxford as a reference, but Collins has nothing on Merriam Webster, and don't even start with the other two. B8."

"Hit. OK, but then it comes down to what you want to side with. Logic and Oxford or nonsense and Merriam Webster."

"Excuse you? If anything Oxford is the nonsensical one."

"Of course you would think that. You've never read a book in your life."

"I have too! I read Charlotte's Web in fourth grade and I've never been the same since!"

"Try reading Flowers for Algrenon! That'll really mess you up!"

"How about I mess you up, replacement?!"

Just as Tim and Jason began to throw hands, Alfred stepped in and offered the camera crew who happily accepted. The next cut was to Tim and Jason both with some visible cruises and scrapes facing the camera.

"Tim? Oh, I love Tim! He's like a brother to me."

"We are brothers Jason."

"Well then I guess it's a good thing you're like a brother to me, Tim."

"Uh, please don't fight again here. The equipment is expensive."

"Fight? Us? We would never."

The camera man chuckled nervously. "Haha, yeah…"

"At least not while Bruce is threatening to throw out all the coffee I've stocked up."

"He said he was going to donate my PS4."

"... Truce?"

"Truce."

The camera was suddenly in the dining room where Cass was crouched like a gremlin in her chair and eating cereal while on her phone. The shot slowly zoomed in on her face, munching on Oops All Berries. It suddenly zoomed out to show Alfred coming through the door.

"Miss Cassandra, Master Damian is looking for you."

She gave him a thumbs up, shoved her phone in her bra and grabbed her cereal before leaving. They cut again to show Alfred in the hot seat.

"What do I do for the Waynes? Well I do the cleaning and cooking. Sometimes the boys will have to clean as punishment, but I always have to go back in and fix it after. The only ones allowed to use my kitchen are Miss Cassandra and Miss Barbara. The boys are strictly forbidden after the numerous fires I've had to put out. I also do the gardening, I drive the younger boys around and do most of the shopping."

"That seems like a lot."

"It may to most, but I like it this way. Goodness knows what state the Manor would be in if I ever stopped. I shudder to even think about it. I also don't mind doing the parts I would normally detest. After Miss Martha and Master Thomas passed, I was the one who raised Master Bruce. He is like a son to me and his children are like my grandchildren."

"The only two in the household that are related are Bruce and Damian, correct?"

"Yes, though you'd never know it. I am proud to say all of the children are treated equally and they all see each other as family."

"Do all of them fight like Jason and Tim do?"

"No, most of them like to challenge each other in other ways. Even when they do fight, it isn't fueled by malice. The boys especially have a lot of energy, though I would prefer they rough house outside."

"Thank you for your time, Mr. Pennyworth. I'm sure we've kept you long enough."

"It is not a problem."

"Aw, man! Commercial!"

"You'll live."

"I wonder if Selina is watching this…"

"I'll call."

Newspaper Headline(s):

Wayne's to be on Gotham's Greatest Program

What Will Gotham's Greatest Reveal About our Favorite Philanthropist?

How has Fatherhood Changed Gotham's Playboy? Find Out 11 am EST!