AN: Thanks for all the encouraging reviews! I have to say, I wasn't expecting it, but it's a real boost 😊 I'll try to keep posting as often as I can, I promise !
Don't get me wrong, I've been called Mary all my life. It is my name, after all. Mary Elena Hatts. Named after… You guessed it. My mum's favourite Pride and Prejudice character. (Guess where I picked the P&P bug up.)
But I could never stand Mary, the character. She sounded like such a dork in the book. I mean, I get being a little socially awkward, but that whole bad singing thing during the Netherfield ball was so cringey. Give me Lizzie, or even Jane, anytime. Actually… I guess I am glad I'm not Lydia. Imagine ending up with Whickham.
Anyway… I'm pretty sure this is just some sort of hallucination. Maybe I'm in some sort of coma at home? This all feels super real, but it can't be. I mean, I had a whole life! And I have absolutely no regency memories from before this morning. Which makes me think this is all probably some figment of my imagination.
Which sounds much more logical. And reassuring. I'm sure that back in the real world, someone – like my wonderful roommate, Freya, is taking care of me, and everything will shortly be in order.
In the mean time… should I test how far my brain can go? I mean, a "real life" meeting with Jane and Elisabeth sounds absolutely great!
… Right up until you realise they are nine and eleven, respectively, and they just think you're their new doll / plaything.
I really sucks to have arrived now. I mean, couldn't it have been when they were slightly older? Or when I could have glimpsed Mr Darcy? Yum.
Kitty and Lydia are actually pretty cute, though. I mean, you have to keep up with them, they're three and four so quite a lot to handle, but the nursemaid seems to take it all in stride. I haven't seen them much, except when Jane and Lizzie went to the nursery to see how they are doing.
Right now, I'm in full observer mode, watching how everything happens around me, and pretty much going with the flow. I follow Lizzie and Jane around the house, and try to copy whatever they do. Thankfully, they just assume I want to learn about life outside the nursery and they tell me all about what they are doing.
It's… weird.
I was never much exposed to small children growing up – my cousins were all older, and they have just barely started having kids of their own. That's probably why I find myself slightly more affectionate towards Kitty and Lydia. It doesn't help that Jane and Lizzie sound really condescending when they say they'll show me "how everything works". Yay.
Once they are finished, we settle in a parlor, and they decide they want to show me how to embroider.
I perk up. I might actually not be too bad at this – embroidery is becoming a thing, and I had a go at it with Freya, once. It wasn't that bad, really.
But I had forgotten I was currently in the body of a six year old. My fingers are clumsy, and I prick myself, staining the white rag they had me practice on.
Jane, as might be expected, is really sweet about it and fusses over me. I could get used to having an older sister, I think.
We then move to learning how to read.
Umm… I have no idea how fast kids are supposed to learn, but I really love reading, and I'm not a great actress, so… I pretend I already have the alphabet down, and just ask for Jane and Lizzie's help with sounding out the words of the primer.
The servant who had woken me this morning – I recognize her, apparently her name is Sally – ushers us to "luncheon" by the time we're done. It's a simple thing, some bread and cold meats.
Then, I meet Mrs Bennet.
She looks rather young – in her mid thirties, at the latest, and can I say, if Jane is half as pretty in the future, I totally get why everyone says she looks great. Mrs Bennet totally rocks the Regency high waisted dress. I totally get why Mr Bennet married her.
And she is nowhere near as shrill as I thought she would be. In fact, I think the story really did her a disfavour. She is kind to Jane, Lizzie and me, and takes us on a walk to visit some tenants. Jane carries a basket with food, while Lizzie runs around, picking berries and bringing them back to the group. Mrs Bennet takes it all well, congratulating Lizzie and chatting with Jane. I walk quietly behind them, taking it all in. Mrs Bennet even tries to draw me into the conversation, but I refrain. Speaking with this young voice is just too weird, I keep surprising myself.
It really looks like I'm in the English countryside. I pinch myself several times, and it hurts but doesn't wake me up. I'm getting a bit worried – surely my hallucination should be nearing its close?
But if anything, things are seeming more real than ever. The fact that I actually met Jane, Lizzie, Mrs Bennet, and that I'm comparing them to my preconceptions of them, is definitely strange. But I'm more weirded out by how natural this all feels. I mean, it feels like I could get used to this place – to this life.
I don't like it. I had a good life. I liked my life! And I really don't fancy living in a century where a good woman was a married woman, who had preferably popped out an heir and a spare – not when I used to be able to do whatever I wanted with my life!
No. This is just some sort of a long term hallucination. My brain is playing tricks on me. When I wake up tomorrow, I'll be back at home, and this will all be a bad dream. And maybe I'll lay off Pride and Prejudice fanfiction for a while.
By the end of the walk, I'm absolutely knackered. The servants rush us to our rooms and make us get changed, and in half an hour we're ready for dinner.
Dinner is a slightly more formal affair. Mr and Mrs Bennet are present, for a change, and we all eat at the same table. At some point after, Kitty and Lydia are presented to the rest of the family, before they are sent to bed. They seemed calmer than this morning, and were watching me with jealous eyes. I guess they wanted out of the nursery as well. Well, they would have to wait.
Mr and Mrs Bennet are surprisingly… cordial. Mrs Bennet chatters on about the household and the visits she had in the morning, and Mr Bennet speaks less. But they do interact. I was expecting less… warmth between them. Lizzie and Jane are invited to speak a little of their day, and I manage a "I've learnt much" when prompted, but otherwise the adults dominate the meal.
Jane, Lizzie and I are dismissed for bed, and just before leaving the room, I turn my head to catch a last glimpse of the scenery, and quickly whip it back around. I don't know if the real Mary will keep her memories once I'm gone, but she definitely doesn't need to see her parents kissing quite so… passionately.
I guess their marriage is still going well.
And why shouldn't it? Lydia is only three, and Mrs Bennet still looks quite young. I guess they're still hoping for a boy.
With that bemusing last thought, I fall asleep in my lumpy bed in my strange room, hoping to find my own life back when I wake up.
