AN: Thanks again for the wonderful reviews ! I hope you'll enjoy this new chapter :)

Chapter 5

In time, all was – almost – well. Jane grew into a beautiful girl, who was out at sixteen. The whole neighbourhood was in love with her. There was even a gentleman, who had been in the village in passing, who amused himself by writing a bit of poetry and give it to her.

Mrs Bennet was ecstatic.

Mrs Bennet… did not take the miscarriage well.

She practically clung to Lydia, calling her "my baby", until the poor girl couldn't stand it anymore and crossly demanded Mrs Bennet "Please call me Lydia, I'm eleven years old now and soon a woman grown!"

This, naturally, set Mrs Bennet off on the idea that Lydia would soon be of marriageable age. Jane had been out for three years, and Lizzie one, without much in the way of suitors, so naturally Lydia went from "spoilt baby" status to "spoilt soon to be young lady".

Now, I've given time to think about what I want of this life. I've been here for ten years now, more or less. You could say I'm resigned to it. I do wonder, sometimes, about how my friends and family in the 21st century are, but mostly I stick to my everyday life at Longbourn.

I play the piano – I'm not too bad, if I do say so myself, I read, I draw – a little, and I embroider. All the usual accomplishments. I've also kept up the household ledger. Sometimes Mr Bennet will ask for my help with the farm accounts, also. He's a university man, but he hates math. English, Latin (shudder), Greek (bigger shudder), he can deal with, but sums? Too complicated.

This family really is mathematically challenged. I tried, I really did, with Lizzie, Jane, and Kitty. The only one with an aptitude is Lydia, and even though she is quite insufferable about being better than her sisters, I keep teaching her what I know. She seems to have caught all the scientific mindset which her other sisters are lacking.

Lizzie is the one who keeps up with Mr Bennet. They can talk philosophy or the turn of a phrase for days at an end. Just thinking about it makes me anxious – I could never.

Jane has kept up with some of the household duties. Mrs Bennet never really loved working in the stillroom, so Jane took up her mantle there. Lizzie plans our outings to the tenants. We go together, or at least as much as we can. Kitty and Lydia too.

I'm so proud of the people my sisters have become.

Mrs Bennet's decline has accelerated. She isn't ill, or anything, she just gets nervous. And shrill. And irrational. I think it's the world slowly setting into "Pride and Prejudice" mode. There isn't any of that camaraderie and affection I used to see between Mr and Mrs Bennet. Instead, I think she despises him a little for not doing enough to ensure we'll be safe in the event of his death, and he – I think he just wishes she would stop bothering him. He's started amusing himself by poking fun at her and provoking her whenever he can.

Kitty and Lydia grew up closer then ever. They only had a year separating them, after all, and they were promoted from the nursery together. Mrs Bennet couldn't stand the idea of her little "Lyddie baby" staying there all alone. I fear that they will be coming out in tandem also.

I try to give them as much attention as I can. Despite Mrs Bennet's interference, I think I have somewhat succeeded in showing them how a proper gentlewoman behaves. Mrs Bennet was quite busy with Jane, and then Lizzie's coming out, so I've had some time to have them for myself. I think they know what's right and wrong, they just don't really want to exert themselves to do right if they don't feel like it. Yet. It's a work in progress.

Hopefully they won't be too wild when they come out. And at least I have a measure of credibility with them. Kitty is happy to have someone to draw with when she feels like it, and Lydia really does like doing maths with me. I don't know if it's because she really likes it, or because the other girls are really hopeless, but well. Sometimes, if she wants to feel superior, she'll draw me into a maths conversation at dinner time, and Kitty and Jane get this glazed look on their faces.

I can't resist; we've progressed to calculus, and she's only thirteen! I think Lydia could be some sort of a genius, and even though I don't want to bloat her ego, I encourage and help her along whenever I can. I think Mr Bennet thinks I might be some kind of genius – he would probably think something along the terms of "math freak of nature" – but he never mentions anything.

Right now, I have to defend myself from another attack.

"But Mama," I interrupt rudely. "I have no wish to be out! It would be unseemly for me to be out at sixteen, we had better wait a year. Lizzie and Jane do not need me with them and I am happy enough at home."

"Oh, child, how can you be so very bright but so very dim witted! Don't you want to be out? To go to all the balls? At your age I was impatient to go!"

I glare at her sullenly. It's quite obvious we are two very different people. Dangling this thing like it's a treat is not going to work on me.

"Well, it does not interest me. I would much rather practice my pianoforte and send the money for dresses to Uncle Gardiner than spend all those evenings in stuffy houses with stuffy people."

"Stuffy houses with stuffy – Miss Mary, mind your tongue! Those are our neighbours you're speaking of! And they are all good! Should I tell the Lucases you said you think they are stuffy? How do you think that will make little Maria feel?"

"Oh, Mama, you know what I mean. I do not wish to be out. Jane and Lizzie have each other for company and do well, but I don't particularly like talking to people I don't already know, and I don't need more people to know than our family, the Lucases, and an occasional visit from the Gardiners."

"Miss Mary. This is not a negotiation. You are going to come out and this is the last I'll say on this subject! You're sixteen, a woman grown, lord knows Lizzie didn't complain half as much when she was out three years ago, and I thought she was being difficult!"

Mrs Bennet looked like she could have smoke pouring out of her ears.

I sigh loudly and get up, hoping to be able to get a bit of down time to think about my arguments. I need to find a way to make Mrs Bennet not want me out.

I just can't find one.

I mean, I could make some sort of a scene, but I don't want to be considered crazy – I just want my coming out to be a year later, so maybe – maybe – Kitty and especially Lydia won't be out by the time Darcy, Bingley and especially Whickham arrive.

There is no way I'm letting Lydia even get close to Whickham. I may have entertained that thought when I had just arrived, but the brat has grown on me since.

Mrs Bennet just got in my way. "Oh no, young lady, we're going to Meryton to make you a new dress!"

Uh oh. This is bad news. If we're going to get a dress, that means she expects me to pay for it out of my allowance – which I have already sent over to the Gardiners.

I might have I sent that letter slightly earlier than usual, hoping that the lack of proper dresses for me would mean I would be out later. Oops.

"Mama, maybe I forgot to tell you – I have sent my allowance to my Uncle, along with the leftovers from my sisters."

Leftovers, hah! Mr Bennet decided a few years back (when I was nine) that we were old enough to work on a budget, so ever since we have all had an allowance, to pay for new dresses and such. I generally send as much as I can to the Gardiners, and after an initial flurry of expenses, the others have pretty much followed my lead.

Lydia was one of the first to do so after me – she realized Mrs Bennet would pay for any new clothes she wanted herself if necessary. Jane and Lizzie often spend a little of their allowance on clothes, bonnets and the like, but they generally leave half for me to send away. Kitty, with no real reason to spend money, and with her closest sisters sending almost everything to their uncle, has copied us.

Hooray for the Bennet sisters! It's not necessarily a treasure trove, but between the five of us, we've currently got about six hundred pounds in our uncle Gardiner's business. I'm the one with the most money invested, at about two hundred pounds, including interest, and the others are all at about one hundred pounds each. I tried to get Mr or Mrs Bennet involved, but they couldn't be bothered. Mr Bennet looked almost angry at me, and ordered me never to go bother him in his study if I hadn't been called beforehand. I heard him muttering that he wouldn't let himself be nagged by both mother and daughter. Pfft. I pretty much gave up on Mr Bennet that day.

"Never mind that," Mrs Bennet interrupts my internal monologue. "I will pay for your dress myself, since you have no wish to do so. Consider it a present for your coming out, my dear."

I'm not a confrontational person. Unless if I feel really very right, I will generally take the road of least conflict. But I really want to storm out of the room in sheer frustration. Mrs Bennet has a sort of shine to her eye which means she thinks she has won.

And, I mean, it is quite a trump card she just pulled.

"Fine. But I don't want to go the the big events. Please, could we do things slower for me? I'm not as sociable as Jane or Lizzie," I whine.

"Nonsense, my dear. You're just as sociable as your sisters, you just need to put a bit of effort to it, like for your pianoforte," Mrs Bennet reassures me. She has taken my hand and is now strong arming me towards the entrance hall.

Huh. I thought I had managed to cultivate a sort of "odd aunt" persona with people outside the family. Apparently not.

We are almost halfway on the road to Meryton by the time I pluck up the courage to tell her. "Mama, I do not wish to marry."

Mrs Bennet looks at me dismissively. "Oh, you say that now, and I'm sure you believe it too, but one day you won't feel quite that way. You'll meet the gentleman who is just right for you, and then you'll want to marry, believe me."

Mrs Bennet has got a strange glint in her eye, when she tells me this, and she had a faraway look, like she's remembering something – or someone. Maybe a younger version of Mr Bennet?

I don't respond, mostly because I'm glad she won't be pushing me towards anyone just yet. Jane and Lizzie first, thank goodness!

Once at the dressmakers, Mrs Bennet is in her element. She's holding fabric to my face, muttering about my complexion and giving me space to grow, and such things. I'm mostly befuddled, being more used to watching this happen to one of my sisters.

Thankfully, Mrs Bennet's style goes more to the simple and elegant than to an overdose of ruffles.

I trust her creative process, and just give my input when made to choose between a soft pink or a very pale blue color. I choose the blue.

More mutterings with the dressmaker, they look at patterns, and I try to push for a model with a slightly lower waistline. Nothing scandalous, just ever so slightly more flattering to my eyes.

Mrs Bennet watches me shrewedly and shugs, backing up my opinion.

"How did you like that, Mary? Are you excited about your new dress?"

I realise I should be thankful, and I am, but I'm still a bit miffed I got completely outmanoevered for the whole coming out business.

"Thank you, mother," I say graciously.

"And you have good taste, I think. The blue will be easier to rework as the occasion calls for it. Although I'm not sure about your idea of lowering the waistline. It's just not the fashion. But it's your dress, my dear, so it's up to you."

I don't answer, but Mrs Bennet greets our neighbours as we cross them in the street. I force a somewhat fixed smile on my face as they talk. I mean, I'm sorry, but unless you're Keira Knightley, those dresses just make you look… plump! And I really can't shake off my more… modern sensibilities to dress. To be honest, I don't mind being seen as unfashionable – hopefully it will scare away any potential suitors.

When we arrive home, I practically run to the piano. I let loose, and start playing some angry, dramatic tune. Mrs Bennet can't complain – I am practicing the pianoforte, after all.

After a while, I calm down a little, and I see Lizzie and Jane are sitting in the room, quietly doing some mending. I end the song and go sit next to Jane.

"I can't even complain, really," I remark, pouting.

"Your really can't," Lizzie quips. "I know I didn't get a new dress from Mama when I went out. I realise now I should have put up more of a fuss."

"But, Mary, I hope you weren't truly set against going out," Jane looks at me compassionately. "I know Mama can be… tenacious, but surely you know that if it wasn't going to be this year, it would be the next? Why are you so opposed to the idea?"

I sigh. I can't exactly tell her it's mostly because I used to be a fan of a book where they were all just characters, and in a few years she'll meet the love of her life but Lydia will end up with a penniless rake. So, I make do with what I have.

"I do not wish to marry," Which is 100% true. Hopefully if I'm careful enough, and if Lizzie and Jane take pity on me, I'll be able to mooch off them for a bit and survive on my own. I've been toying with the idea of pretending to be a man and starting my own business, but if I got discovered that would be really scandalous. Can't have that! I mean, the odds that the Bennets would just cut off all ties with me would be strong – and then where would I be? I've built a whole new life for myself here, but it's a small, comfortable life, mostly centered around the Bennet family.

No, that just sounds silly.

"Being out isn't just about finding a husband, you know," Lizzie teases me. "It's also about meeting new people, going to balls and events, it's quite exciting."

And the worst thing is – I agree with her. I've been a "child" in this era for ten years now. Ten long, long years. Don't get me wrong, I've learnt loads of stuff – most recently dancing, I should have known Mrs Bennet was preparing for my coming out – but also the piano, embroidery, and a little French. Okay, that was mostly out of boredom and because I had some vague memories from school in the 21st century, but well, a girl has to entertain herself somehow.

So, if I was thinking only about myself, I think I would like to be out.

"I know that," I say, a bit embarrassed that I can't cook up a good argument. I've been doing my best these last few weeks – ever since Mrs Bennet mentioned I should go out. "I just don't feel like it."

Lizzie snorts, and even Jane looks rather bemused. "Once you'll start, you'll like it, I'm sure," she suggests gently.

"At least Mama promised I would only go to small events this year," I sigh dramatically.

Lizzie and Jane snigger. I know what they are thinking – we've only got small events here, except perhaps the assemblies at Meryton.

At least I have a good three or four years to prepare for the beginning of the story. Hopefully, by then, I'll have influenced my family enough to make some difference to the plot. Otherwise I'll start putting Lydia on a leash or something. Hmm, that might not be too bad an idea, actually…