The two cold drinks were freezing her hands now, you wouldn't think that her hands could get this cold in these endless summers Japan had.
It was smarter to stick them in her purse for now, with everything else she shoves in there.
She reached her arm over to the purse only for a mild panic to take over her senses as she realized she didn't feel the comforting weight of it on her shoulder.
Looking around frantically searching for a purse lying around, she ran from the two vending machines.
But she didn't let go of the drinks, they were important.
Was she always this athletic? She felt fast.
It was when she was turning around the corner and had the idea to see if anyone else had seen a purse lying around when she spotted an oddity.
Well, a few of them but an empty train station wasn't much of an oddity as it was creepy.
But a woman was sitting on a bench, reading some book. But that wasn't the odd part, it was her hair.
It was a red that demanded her attention.
What was this foreigner doing in Tokyo-2? Tokyo-3 was where all the big things were happening.
The questions were burning inside her head, so she thought 'what's the worst that could happen?'
Her husband would have a chuckle right now saying about how she was just always so curious because she just had to know things.
The other woman must have noticed her staring because she turned to look back at her, this was the point where most people would glare and look away or ask if you needed something.
Which was why she was taken aback when the woman sitting down gave a fond smile.
Was that an invitation to talk? What do you do?
Ah to hell with it, she didn't get her husband by waiting by and letting life take the reins.
The drinks were freezing her hands by now, she could put them down while she took a seat.
"Uhm excuse me miss, this must be so rude but where are you from?"
It wasn't noticeable from the distance she was at before but this new stranger had some scars around her eye, only around the left one though.
This exotic stranger must have not liked that question at all because that fond smile slowly crept away and was replaced by a frown.
Not the sort of frown like you just got a tongue lashing from your mother and you were pouting, but the sort like someone took something away from you.
She hated that look.
"O-oh, I'm from Germany."
A German? Here in Tokyo-2?
"I'm so sorry for all the questions, but what are you doing in Tokyo-2?"
Again, another question that she must not have expected, the raw shock on her face made her raise one of her eyebrows.
"I'm just here with my boyfriend, he'll be back soon hopefully."
Ooh gossip, another thing she couldn't resist. She and all the other moms at the soccer game would always get together and chat while all the husbands watched the game.
"Oh my, must be one rather good-looking man to have scored you!"
If you want a stranger to open up you should try to compliment them, that's what she learned in her time as a receptionist.
The drinks were now on the floor, covered in the condensation that collected in the meantime.
It was a success, almost fully. The lady gave a laugh but quickly composed herself.
"No, the truth is I'm lucky to have him, he's always trying for me. He thinks that I'm too good for him so he always putting in the effort."
Wow, she sounds like she has quite the man.
"Huh, makes me wish my husband would always do that for me but the kids have to come first y'know.
A smile was her response, a quick smile given with the eyes closed.
Not a real smile.
The silence after that was draining, mentally.
She had to get to know this stranger more, how much longer was this train going to take?
"So… Miss?"
"Asuka."
Huh? Asuka?
Red hair, named Asuka.
Even the people in Tokyo-2 knew the Evangelion pilot's names, not what they exactly looked like but just rumours.
"Y-your that Eva pilot!"
There was a humourless chuckle given off at that.
"Yep. That's me, Asuka Sohryu Langley. Say, now that you know who I am and why I'm here can you tell me why you're here?"
You could feel the fake enthusiasm at the start but it turned into resignation like she already knew the answer.
Well, that was an easy one, she was waiting here so she could catch the train to get home.
"Well, I'm just doing the same as you would, waiting to catch the train home or to go wherever you are in your case. The kids don't like it when I'm back too late from work."
Maybe it was the awkward smile or maybe it was the fact that it was just the two of them stuck here, but the atmosphere was starting to feel constricting.
Wait, she could drive, even her husband could drive, they shared one car but he always came and picked her up from work.
"Now that I think about it I don't know why I'm taking this train, my husband should've picked me up," the what-ifs rapidly piled in her head.
"Huh, bet he just forgot, he's always so forgetful. Where would men be without us, hey?"
Trying to be more friendly, she jokingly gave a slight elbow, expecting a laugh or something in agreement.
It was always back to that pained smile.
"Yeah what would they do…"
Wow, this just got sad real fast.
Maybe it'd be better if she called her husband to come get her, she was clearly out of it today, losing her purse and phone.
She couldn't call him though, unless…
"Say, I know that we just met but could you help me out here and let me borrow your phone? I'm gonna call my husband and see if he can pick me up, today has not been my day, I can't find my phone or my purse."
Asuka looked back for a few seconds, almost debating helping her. She agreed in the end with a small 'sure' handing her smartphone to the stranger.
She was quite surprised, all the rumours said that the Second child wasn't that friendly, of course, she didn't believe them but now she knew they weren't true.
But these pilots must make a lot of money for her to have a smartphone! They only just came out last year and the prices were crazy.
Being the nosy person that she was, she took a glance at the home screen and saw that it was Asuka and a brown-haired boy smiling together at some sort of carnival.
The type of smile that looked like it hurt to do but was so worth it, like nothing at that moment mattered except how much fun they were having.
They looked really happy, damn.
How long has it been since she and her husband went out like that? With the two kids now, who were both too little to take to such an event. It made her miss the times when they had their own time.
But that boy….that boy he looked familiar, like a face she saw all the time.
What's one personal question if you're already borrowing their phone?
"Hey, is that Mr. Lucky Boyfriend you mentioned earlier?"
Asuka looked confused only for just a moment before realizing that she was talking about the photo on the phone.
Which seemed to be a topic that she didn't mind talking about, if the small content smile that Asuka was showing told anything
"Yeah, that's Shinji," Asuka gave a slight pause and looked at her only companion on the bench.
"He's a bit of an idiot…but he's my idiot, you know?"
Hah! Did she ever, her husband did quite a bit of stupid things just trying to get her phone number.
Like…like that time he, oh she knew that he did that one stupid thing, what was it again?
Ah! That's what it was, he did that stupid thing from the movies where they would blast a boom-box with some cheesy romance song on while standing outside her window.
And that was just how he got a coffee with her.
So yeah she did know.
"Oh yeah, do I ever know but it makes you love them all the more doesn't it?"
Asuka gave her a small chuckle for that.
Glad to make the person she was probably gonna have to wait with for a bit longer, laughing was a good way to keep things friendly.
Enough about Asuka though, she had to call her husband to come to pick her up.
Okay not enough about Asuka quite yet, she had to show her how to work this new type of phone, it was quite different from the flip phone she had.
Once everything was sorted, she started pressing the keys and quite enjoyed the tone it made on each one she pressed.
When finally done making her own minor musical, the ringer dialled and dialled and dialled until she worried he wasn't going to pick up.
Like always he left things till the last minute or what felt like it, just as she was going to hang up he picked it up and answered with his, 'Howdy' for some reason she got hit with a feeling of dread.
What was there to feel that way for?
Nothing she could do about it now though, it would be rude if she didn't answer him.
And Asuka was staring at her now, probably wanting her phone back or something so she had to get this show on the road.
"Hey honey," she started, "could you come pick me up? I can't find my purse or my phone, it's just been a rough day today."
There was a pause before she heard him again.
"I-i this some kind of prank? I'm literally eating with my wife right now. You don't even sound like her."
What?
"Wh-what do you mean, you're eating with your wife? I'm at the train station right now."
Something wasn't right, he would pull a prank like this if he knew she was having a bad day. maybe- maybe he was just upset about something and was trying to lighten his mood.
Right?
"I said what I meant to, now if you" ll excuse me I have dinner to finish. With my wife."
That was all he said before he hung up, never has the tone from a dead line ever rung so much in her head.
It was Asuka who gently grabbed her hand and took the phone away from her head.
What do you do if the one person in life you need to rely on says no to you?
Some people might have an answer prepared for that and some might make their own on the spot.
All she knew was that while she could physically solve her issues right now, she could not solve the mental one taking its toll on her head.
She heard a calm voice to her left where Asuka still sat looking around the station but still talking to her.
"Hey," she prodded again. "Are you gonna be alright?"
That last question was followed with a tissue or napkin of some sort.
Was she crying? This was so embarrassing, meet someone new and famous from a different city, proceed to embarrass yourself in front of them and follow it up with crying.
It just doesn't make sense, what did she do to deserve this. She didn't even cry when upset usually, just got mad.
"I'm sorry, I don't usually cry like this, I just guess this is one of those days for me huh?"
She didn't really expect an answer-back, it was more of a statement really.
"Sometimes life gives us a shitty day, all we can do is keep going and enjoy what we still got right? So don't be sorry for being a little emotional."
There was a voice in the back of her skull that was telling her not to apologize anymore.
"Still, I'm sorry for being a burden like this."
Asuka gave a tiny flinch, but she didn't pay it any mind.
With a desperately founded new confidence, she stood up.
"You know what? I'm gonna go give that idiot a talking to, I can't run away from this. This rIng on my hand is a promise from him that…that...wheres my ring?"
It should've been blindingly obvious but there was no ring where one was supposed to be, Asuka must be looking at her like she was insane, but she wasn't, only with a sad gaze.
The next thing to stand out was the hands, these weren't her hands. They were calloused lightly around the fingertips, gentle but they held that masculine shape still.
They also had a scar that stood out when you saw it, a large perfectly circular one, on each hand to boot.
"These a-arent my hands."
By the time the words leave, Asuka is already calming her down, motioning for her to sit again, which she does.
"I know."
Asuka didn't say anything like 'You're crazy' or anything along those lines she didn't say anything at all.
By the time she spoke up again she was trembling, a fully grown adult who had kids of her own was being comforted by someone clearly younger than herself.
"You okay now, Shinji?"
Those words put a feeling into his gut, so heavy and so wrong.
"It happened again…"
She seemed better now, almost relieved. If you only paid attention to the surface level of her emotions.
"Yeah, but you snapped out of it pretty quickly. The doctor was right, you snap out of it smoother if we let you figure out something wrong."
This was all wrong and Shinji knew it, he was getting better, it had been more than half a year since the last episode!
It's not fair! The therapist even said he was surprised at this progress, and for what?
For it all to go down the drain, all the progress to be swept away when he was truly feeling like he had a foothold in life?
"Shinji?"
What was the point?
This self-destructive monologuing was interrupted by fingers interlocking and holding firmly, yet not too hard. The two squeezes that came from the hand helped calm him down, reassuring him that there was help.
It was the reminder that his failure wasn't just hurting himself but others that he cared for as well that made this wound ache.
Shinji could put up with all sorts of things in life but hurting others, even indirectly wasn't one of them.
God, one would think that growing up a few years would make you less likely to cry, the tears forming in his eyes were saying otherwise.
"I just-I just want this to be over, this curse from the past. Every time I think it's gone it's back and I'm not me anymore, I just can't keep doing this."
The hug he got was nice, comforting even but it reminded him that his mental burden was affecting others.
The words he received just added to that weight.
"Shinji, you say that like you haven't been getting better. It's been at the bare minimum about seven months," there was a pause before she started again. "I know this has been hard, not on just you but both of us."
Asuka took the interlocked hand and raised it to equal eye level.
Looking from her set of eyes into his deep blue eyes she started speaking.
"We didn't start helping each other as a couple but we became one later on down the line and I can't say I've regretted it. Sure there's been some hard times but there's been more good times since then."
By now she had both of her hands clasping the one hand that was raised at eye level.
"I know…I know we weren't always there for each other in the past, be it me being a bitch or you being an idiot. But we have to look at the present, Shinji."
Those tears that were only stinging earlier were now flowing as they wanted, why hold them back in front of someone who deeply cares for you?
"B-but Asuka, I'm not getting any better, what if it never goes away? What if it's someone who wants to hurt you?"
That thought alone terrified Shinji because it came very close to happening, it was one of the few times he almost immediately recognized what was going on.
It was a quiet night and everything was going well, they had decided to stay in and watch a movie together and Shinji was trying a new medication to keep these 'episodes' in check.
It was a rare occurrence for such a quiet night so they were trying to enjoy it the best they could, cuddling on the couch under a blanket.
There was no one to bother them because they lived on their own since Misato never came back after the third impact.
Of course, they didn't always get to live on their own, they were fostered again into the care of an adult. They both were allowed to move in together again aswell.
Fortunately, it was one of the bridge bunnies, Makoto. While he didn't know exactly how to handle them he gave it a shot and they were thankful, both for the attempt and the distance he gave them.
Back to the present in their own apartment in the still being rebuilt Tokyo-3, Asuka was getting sleepy, Shinji had turned out to be a great pillow to sleep on.
But of course, even nature can call at the most random and worst of times and Shinji had to get up to use the bathroom.
Asuka let her gaze linger on his retreating form, what was he gonna do about it? She knew that he didn't mind her staring.
She paid little mind to the door closing and how long Shinji was in there for, the movie had just gotten to the interesting part the villain was about to meet the protagonist for the first time an-
"Second child spotted, moving to apprehend."
It was the combat training from a young age that made Asuka shift her gaze with such speed and realize with equal alarm what was happening.
It happened in slow-motion, she watched as Shinji reached with his right hand for something on his right thigh and that's when her eyes widened in shock, he was reaching for a gun.
He seemed to be shocked the moment he reached for it and missed, in his shock, he looked down and realized that this wasn't right.
There was no pistol holster.
That's when Shinji came to, looking at Asuka and seeing her expression of shock and slight fear.
'I-I didn't…I didn't mean- I didn't want to, Asuka, why…why am I still like this?"
Asuka knew it was rhetorical but she still wished she had an answer to that, something, anything that could help him.
Had they not already had enough taken from them?
Not enough that they had to take what little happiness she had built up and what sanity Shinji had grown back?
There wasn't any more movie watching for the rest of the night, just laying in bed together trying to make it through the hell they got as a reward for saving humanity.
"You know that won't happen again," she didn't know if she was telling herself or Shinji that but she kept going, "you stopped yourself last time."
She knew that he was strong when supported by others but if there wasn't anyone there to help him Shinji broke down, fast.
"Here, drink this." Asuka reached under the bench and grabbed one of the two drinks that were sitting there since they were set there.
"When did you get those?" his confusion would've been cute if it was at a different time and there weren't any tears involved, but right now was about keeping him steady.
"You got these. Even when you weren't fully there you still knew you had to do something."
They were still cold so he must have gotten them recently.
It wasn't an awkward silence that settled but more of a tense one, with Shinji despairing at the failings of his mind and Asuka mentally lamenting the current predicament and not knowing how to help.
"Hey Shinji," Asuka started, "do you want me to call Hikari and cancel? We can go home if you want to instead."
Asuka figured out pretty early on in getting to know Shinji that if she said she wanted to go he also would say he wants to go, so you had to ask him first most of the time.
He was always trying to be considerate but no more than that since it pissed her off because she just wanted his honest opinion on something.
"If you want to go Asuka, I-I'll go too."
This was one of those times.
She took her free left hand which wasn't busy holding his hand and poked it into his chest with every word she was saying.
"I - believe - poke- I - poke - asked - poke - you - poke."
There was a small grin for her efforts, and that was a victory, one which she would always take.
He was starting to squeeze her hand harder, not the kind of distress squeezing more of reassurance of her presence.
"I don't think I can do that today. I'm sorry Asuka, I know we wanted to see Hikari and Toji today but y-you could go without me? Have some time with just you and Hikari?"
'Yes, I'll leave you alone in our apartment for anywhere from one to five hours and not worry about you the whole time. Not to mention the questions I'll be asked when you're not there.'
If it wasn't for the fact he tried to reassure her by giving her a situationally shy smile that was cute or frustrating she might have gotten a little angry at him.
"Idiot, of course, it's okay, I asked you didn't I?"
Four years after a world-ending event spent together, even if not romantically involved that whole time and he still did things like this.
"I'll see if glasses can pick us up, it'd be better than taking the train."
It was nice hearing the slight laugh from Shinji, he knew that the nicknames she chose weren't really meant to be taken as insults.
As it turned out, Makoto was busy.
Shinji could tell Asuka was frustrated, it was probably the stares she was getting and it wasn't the staring from him that was making her mad.
No matter where they went, it always seemed to follow, the red hair and visible scarring around her eye were what usually caused it.
Asuka used to love the attention when she was an EVA pilot, relish others' observations of her prowess and intelligence.
Now though she wanted all the attention to go away, she didn't like being the center of the room, she just wanted Shinji's attention and she knew she had that. Of course, she also had her friends and adoptive family that she still cared for.
Sitting on the train together, with Asuka sitting closest to the train door and Shinii on her left they both waited for the ride to be over. They both had their own ways of making the time pass and one method that they shared.
Shinji would usually sit quietly and think about things in his life till the time had passed, or he used to plug in his SDAT and fade into the music.
Asuka normally would strike up a conversation to pass the time, look at the scenery that she's already seen before passing by. Anything to keep the mind semi-active.
They both recently started listening to music together on longer outings, sharing headphones connected to Asuka's new phone. People called it cute, they called it calming.
It took some of the nervousness away from Asuka who had the distraction from other people and Shinji enjoyed it because he could share something he enjoyed with someone he loved.
But even with all of this, he could tell by the way Asuka was gripping his hand, combined with how she was grabbing her own knee that she was really nervous.
So he gave her hand an extra squeeze which she gave back immediately.
It wasn't much but the action spoke more words than needed to be said.
If it wasn't for the fact that there were other passengers or that they needed to get off relatively soon, he might have leaned over and rested on her shoulder.
Asuka didn't care about that right now, she didn't care that people were watching. Hell, she didn't care that even more people were watching now.
She leaned over and closed her eyes on his shoulder.
Shinji tried to maneuver to a better angle, Asuka ended up adjusting her head so it sat a bit comfier then quietly spoke up.
"Tell me when we're home."
"We're hooome."
Making their way into the cozy little apartment, Asuka announced her presence to really no one in particular.
Following the routine of putting keys on the rack and shoes by the door, the couple moved into their home.
It wasn't the biggest but they didn't need that much space anyway, it was just the two of them.
Plus it came with a nice view.
That and the fact that they didn't pay anything to live there, benefits of hush money and compensation.
That's right they lived a quiet life, mostly watching movies and visiting friends when they felt like going out into the general public.
Asuka also liked to keep things interesting by trying new games, getting Shinji to watch or play with her, requiring her assistance most of the time.
"I know it's kinda early but do you want anything to eat?"
It was that odd time before dinner and way too late to justify it as a late lunch, after all, they were supposed to head over to Toji and Hikari's just after lunch, that plan had been…put off.
"No, I'm not hungry so you can make something for yourself. I'll make something for myself later."
All the free time gave Shinji plenty of chances to experiment in the kitchen, which he did quite often and he was good at it if Asuka was to be believed.
But he couldn't get into making a meal today, not after his recent break in the streak of good health, just not right now.
"I-I'm just gonna take a nap, Asuka. You could wake me up instead of making something if you want to?"
She gave him a curious glance with a faint trace of concern before walking up to him and surprising him with a peck on the cheek.
"That's fine, but if I wake you, you better make something surprising."
He didn't mind the surprise, so he gave a small smile with his eyes closed. Quickly turned to leave but couldn't because of the hand around his wrist.
"You know…you know that I'm here for you right? I won't judge you, it's just…it's hard seeing this happen to you."
Wow, that hurt. Not in the way that Asuka was trying to hurt him with words, more in the fact that this was still an issue that he was at fault for.
"I know Asuka, I'm just a bit tired. We did a lot of moving around today."
It wasn't a lie, he was tired, more like drained actually. Shinji was hoping a nap would help.
There was a quiet silence before anything was said again.
"Alright, just…I'll just be in the living room. I might join you soon for a nap anyways."
With that little bit of interaction done, Shinji made his way to their room and flopped onto the bed, not even bothering to take his clothes off.
Once under the covers, he curled up into a ball and did what Asuka always accused him of, overthinking.
He was currently wondering if anything had changed for his condition, that creeping fear that he would slip back to how he was right after the Third Impact, constantly in and out of different personalities. Sometimes multiple at the same time.
The few and far between moments of sanity were like an oasis in the middle of a desert, and they were spent caring for Asuka, who came back from the sea with her own issues.
All those years spent to make him even function in society when a better person could have fixed it all on their own.
Why couldn't he just get better, he was hurting Asuka and the people he cared for with this.
Why was he still so weak?
It was watching his back as he walked to their room that she knew Shinji was still tearing himself up inside about this, he was rubbing the scars on his hands, Shinji didn't know that he did that as a habit when something was bothering him but she picked up on it.
She let the sigh escape her when the door closing echoed out to her position.
'It's just…it's hard seeing this happen to you.'
Way to go Asuka, way to go make him feel even worse.
She didn't miss the hurt look he immediately picked up when she said that, she meant it to be supportive! But Asuka knew that could've been taken a different way and she didn't blame him for the misunderstanding.
While she wanted to go to their room and talk, she had to make a call to Nerv quickly to update them on the situation. They were the ones paying for their living expenses and treating Shinji after all.
Quickly dialling up who she needed to, she had to wait through the dial only once before the other end picked up.
"Doctor Akagi speaking."
"Hey Ritsuko, it's Asuka, we had another episode today."
While originally only interested in the pilots for their usage as just that and chasing after a man who had no interest in her, the blonde doctor came back from instrumentality with a new purpose: helping others. To make up for all the wrongs she helped with.
Part of that helping was how she personally took to the case of helping Shinji.
"Oh, that's not what I wanted to hear today."
Asuka only let a humourless chuckle escape her at that, no one wanted to hear that news today.
"Yeah neither of us did too, I did as you said and let him realize what was wrong instead of trying to snap him out of it. Seemed to keep the confusion down to a minimum."
A long pause followed that before the other end spoke up again.
"I see…and how is Shinji taking it?"
Oh the usual, blaming himself for everything and probably thinking that it's all his fault.
"Not well, we cancelled our plans we made for the day and made our way home. He told me that he was tired and was taking a nap. I'm gonna go check on him after we're done."
Another pause before the good doctor let a hmm take the silence up, Asuka was about to speak up again before Akagi beat her to it.
"I hope he gets better, you two deserve some peace after what we put you through. Just let him know that if he wants to come by for another therapy session he's welcome to."
Asuka gave a small 'gotcha' and was about to hang up before Ritsuko spoke up once more.
"And Asuka, you are also welcome to come by if you need or want to. Take care."
With that Asuka was left in the living room in a lonely quiet.
'Where was the help when we needed it before the shit hit the fan.'
She still had a little bit of resentment left for a few people on this planet.
But she had to go check on her idiot now, knowing him he's probably waist deep in self-depreciation.
Strolling over to their room Asuka thought about what she could say to fix this.
She knocked on the door before realizing that it was kinda ridiculous to knock on her own door, well actually their door, whatever.
Peeking her head in, she quietly spoke, "Shinji?"
Her guess had sadly been correct, she could see him curled up in a ball on the bed.
Sleeping though, which was good, he wasn't just moping there and dwelling in his own thoughts.
She decided against waking him up and decided to crawl in with him for a quick nap.
Shinji was quite comfortable when he came to, warm under some blankets and being hugged from behind. He wasn't surprised at the last part, he figured she would join him rather than play games all by herself.
But once fully conscious he began to remember the events of that day, immediately guilt and shame greeted him like an old lover.
In an attempt to keep these things to himself he attempted to move away, emphasis on attempted.
In her sleep Asuka was extremely clingy with him, this often resulted in him not being able to leave the bed without waking her, which he often didn't do and went back to sleep till she woke up.
"Whayya?"
Unfortunately for Shinji, Asuka wasn't a heavy sleeper.
"Oh, good…uh, I don't really know what time it is."
Smooth one, real smooth.
He could feel her reaching one of her arms over top of him and it was on about the third grab and subsequent miss that Shinji clued into the fact Asuka was trying to reach her phone.
Being the helpful person he could be in that situation he grabbed the phone, which he could see clearly and pressed it against her palm.
One blinding flash later courtesy of a phone with a brightness too high and both of them knew that it was about after seven o'clock in the afternoon.
Asuka knowing that they didn't have anything else planned, they rarely did, decided to use this free time to cuddle into her boyfriend's back.
Shinji felt more guilt at this, he didn't feel as if he deserved this…this love. It was looping back to this in his head for the past few hours he was conscious.
Constantly repeating, he was weak and he was hurting others. She deserves better and ho-
"Hey…Shinji?"
That tone she used meant a lot of things, he never correctly predicted which meaning she was going to use it with.
"Yeah?"
There was a deep inhale before she spoke again.
"Earlier when I said that this was hard on me I-I didn't mean it like-like I didn't want to be with you. I just hate seeing that it's still there, we survived Shinji, we made it, sure it was tough but we did it."
Wrapping her arms around him more she found his hands.
"Together. We didn't do it on our own, I doubt I could've made it this far without you Shinji and we're punished for that, I'm just sick of being hurt for trying to live."
Yeah, he was tired of it too. But he could be less pathetic, not weigh those he cared about down.
"I am too Asuka, it's just I wish I was better-"
He didn't dare add any more to that sentence, the glare Asuka was shooting at him was making sure he didn't.
"I'm gonna get really angry if you finish that sentence."
She would, and he could tell it wasn't the type of anger that he enjoyed seeing.
Unfortunately, he did have a backbone, contrary to popular belief, and it had a history of popping up at the worst of times.
They were separated now, both sitting up in their bed looking at one another, each with their respective faces of determination and anger.
"But it's true Asuka! If I was a better man then I wouldn't have to deal with this!"
Asuka's expression only changed a little bit at the shouting, she knew that Shinji only shouted when it was important. Besides, it was better they get this all out, instead of letting it fester.
"Shinji, that's bullshit and you know it! Before I came back you were there by yourself for who knows how long, we kept finding camps you had set up and even you were surprised at how many we found."
It was visible on Shinji's face that he knew she was right, his expression had relaxed slightly.
He knew it was true, there were many of those camps. All of them clearly lived in and yet they never found anyone else for weeks, when they started coming out of the sea.
Asuka knew she was right, he always took the slightest issue to heart like he was the cause for it.
There was no response back from him, he was just looking down at the bed now.
"Shinji, look at me."
He did albeit slowly, almost cautiously.
"You were alone for longer than two weeks at the minimum, you had everyone who was living pass through you. Everything they ever did and knew was forced into your head, three billion times, the fact that you weren't catatonic after that speaks volumes."
Shinji didn't know what to say anymore, why couldn't people stop trying to shoot his feelings down?
"But it feels like you are just skipping over this, this is a huge issue, Asuka. It feels like this is all everyone sees, but when I talk about it, I'm supposed to just forget about it."
Surprisingly she didn't give much of a reaction other than cocking her head ever so slightly before it returned to its original angle and a look of fear took over.
"You don't think that…I think like that, do you? You know that I see you as you, not this condition, right?"
While she started strong the ending of that sentence came out shaky as if she was terrified that these last years together have been misinterpreted. Shinji was quick to assure her of the truth.
"No, I know that and I'm always thankful for you, but it seems like you just skip over these things. This is part of who I am now and I can't change it. I know people see it but they don't say anything, not to my face."
Finally, both of them settled down enough to return to lying down again, this time with Shinji cuddling Asuka from behind.
It was true, he could feel the looks from the people who knew about the issue, they never spoke about it but he knew that they did when he wasn't there, he just knew it.
Asuka sighed before she started speaking, "You aren't defined by this issue, it's just something you're working through and no, you aren't failing by having one bad day. However, you would be failing if you let one bad day ruin four years of progress though."
There was a finger poked into his side giving him a slight jolt, "I know that you don't like it how people don't talk about this issue in front of you but they just don't want to hurt your feelings, because believe it or not, people do like you, idiot."
He could feel the smug aura form before the next words even left her mouth.
"Honestly you get so worked up over this, yeah it blows that it's still an issue but we can overcome it, we always do, now quit worrying and stay right where you are, you're quite comfy as always."
That's right, Asuka always helped him with his problems, they weren't just his anymore.
Being the good boyfriend he was, he listened to her orders.
Just a small one-shot, big thanks to Chad Commander I really wouldn't have gotten this out without em.
