Here's a song I think fits perfectly in the end of the chapter. I think it reflects exactly how I see their relationship at this point.
"Nothing I've Ever Known" – Bryan Adams
Cassidy had broken her trust and hurt her, and even if he vowed he wasn't himself at the time, Olivia couldn't be sure the same thing didn't happen again. "It's because of you, Brian."
Then she started to a walk towards the cottage. After taking a few steps, she turned and looked deep into Cassidy's eyes with her brown eyes. "I'm sorry," she whispered and then continued walking. Cassidy stood in the snow and as tears rolled down his cheeks, he clenched his fists.
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A silence fell in the cottage as the third day of their "trip" turned into night, and they fell asleep one after another. The evening had been embarrassing, as the atmosphere had been very tense, and even though Fin and Munch had tried to keep up the conversation, Cassidy had sulked all evening and glared at Olivia, who had been very quiet and avoided the eye contact. Elliot had been sitting next to her tensed and she had thought that if he had been a dog, he would have growled threateningly every time Cassidy looked at her. Fin and Munch treated Cassidy icily too, even though they still didn't know exactly what had happened. Brown had not returned until it was already dark outside, and he had said he would leave immediately in the morning to see if the traps had worked.
The others had already fallen asleep, but Olivia's wildly swirling thoughts kept her awake, and she sat in the familiar spot by the fireplace, staring into the flames. How was I so blind? She thought. I've been dealing with sexual offenses and domestic violence for most of my life, but I still ended up in a relationship with a violent person.
She sighed deeply and turned to look at her sleeping friends. She couldn't say there was exactly too much space for all six of them, because the cottage wasn't large. Cassidy was still allowed to sleep in bed because of his leg, and tonight he shared it with Brown and Fin. Elliot had also been offered a place in the bed, but he had immediately stated that he was not going to sleep in the same place as Cassidy, and had been given a berth on a blanket on the floor. Munch had made himself a bed from his and Fin's coats. Olivia had announced that she didn't need a berth and sat down next to the fireplace despite the skeptical gazes of the others. However, after the others had fallen asleep, she soon began to regret her choice, as her body, which had survived the plane crash, began to protest the posture. She groaned and laid down on the bare floor.
"I could sell my soul so I could sleep in my own bed after taking a long hot shower first," she thought bitterly. However, it didn't take long for her dead tired body to fall sleep, and everything disappeared around her.
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There was a complete darkness around Olivia as she walked cautiously forward. She didn't know where she was going, but she knew she had to keep going. She felt as if she were alone in the whole world, because the darkness obscured everything, and only her own steps echoed around her.
Suddenly, however, she heard the other steps approaching her. She stopped to listen, but at the same time the other steps stopped too. Anxiety began to creep into Olivia's limbs.
"Hello?" She asked, but there was no answer. Instead, she heard someone or something breathing close in front of her. "Who's there?"
No answer.
"Is someone there?" Olivia tried to keep her thoughts together, but panic began to fill her mind. Then there was a voice.
"Liv…" The voice was so frightening that shivers ran through her spine. The voice swirled around her, and she began to feel dizzy.
"Who are you?" Olivia asked in a hoarse voice. However, the voice didn't reply, and the steps set off to walk away from her. She forced herself to move, but then she heard the steps running behind her. She turned and at the same time someone collided her forcefully and knocked her to the ground. She didn't see anyone in the darkness, but someone pressed her to the ground and she felt hands on her skin. There were more than two hands, and they wandered along her body touching her everywhere. She tried to scream, but no sound came out of her mouth. Then she began to hear voices around her.
Falling plane.
Her mother telling her she was the result of a rape.
James telling her she looked like a frog.
Lowell Harris telling her she couldn't escape.
"HELP! Somebody, please help me!" The voice inside her head screamed as the hands around her tore off her clothes. The voices around her mingled and turned into a maniac noise, and suddenly she heard the creature on top of her speak:
"Don't you want this? Just wait, you'll want it soon."
"Brian?" Olivia managed to speak again. "Please…"
The maniac noise around them grew, but Cassidy's roar was still louder:
"YOU'RE MY GIRLFRIEND! DO YOU HEAR ME?! MINE!"
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Olivia woke up startling violently and her heart beat frantically in her chest. Her face was soaked with tears and her whole body trembled violently. She got up to sit and tried to calm her heartbeat by breathing deeply, wiping her face with her sleeve at the same time. Then she heard Elliot whisper:
"Liv?"
She turned her gaze in the direction of the voice and faced her partner's worried eyes. "I'm fine," she replied quietly.
"Did you have a nightmare?"
Olivia hesitated for a moment before she nodded. "Yeah."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not really. You can go back to sleep, I'm fine."
Elliot looked at her, evaluating, but then nodded slowly. "Okay… If you say so." And because she no longer said anything, he lowered his head back to the ground.
Olivia watched the flames and tried to calm her mind. She took a deep breath and tried to get her thoughts out of the nightmare. Sitting alone in the dim and quiet cottage, however, her anxiety grew all the time, and despite her calm breathing, she began to feel like she couldn't breathe properly. Then, on a whim, she got up and walked quietly to Elliot. She sat down on her knees next to him and lightly touched his shoulder.
"El?"
He opened his eyes and looked at her questioningly.
"Can I…" She swallowed. "Can I sleep next to you?"
Elliot's eyes widened, but then he smiled. "Of course." He moved on the blanket and made room for Olivia who lied down next to him. Neither said anything, and they laid on their backs, staring at the ceiling. However, Elliot's presence gradually calmed her down.
"It was Brian," she suddenly whispered.
"In your nightmare?" He asked and she nodded.
"It was completely dark, I was just walking forward. Then I heard footsteps, but no one answered, until I heard a terrible voice saying my name. Suddenly someone attacked me and knocked me to the ground, he had so many hands…" She closed her eyes. "His hands touched me everywhere, and suddenly I realized he had Brian's voice. He tore my clothes and shouted that I was his girlfriend… Then I woke up," she finished and fell silent. Elliot laid quietly, but his whole body tensed.
"God, I'd like to go twist his sore leg," he growled. Olivia sighed and lowered her hand on his hand.
"I know." Then she turned to her side, bit her lip, and moved closer to Elliot, who raised his other arm over her head. She lowered her head on his chest, and he wrapped his other arm gently around her. They laid this way for a while, and the anxiety vanished from Olivia's limbs as she listened to the steady beat of Elliot's heart. The sense of safety Elliot caused inside her was something indescribable. She sighed deeply and wrapped her other arm around him. "I'm really glad you're back."
"Me too," Elliot mumbled into her hair. "Me too."
