Lily Evans looked up from her copy of The Daily Prophet, and out of the window. The snow- covered mountains reared up on the horizon, and on a hill in the foreground children pelted snowballs at one another. Their parents had asked her and Petunia to join them on a family holiday as a graduation gift. Lily wasn't about to say no to an expense-free holiday. She swallowed another mouthful of her steaming tea, careful to keep the bitter leaf under her tongue. The day she had boarded the Hogwarts Express for the last time, Lily had placed a mandrake leaf pilfered from the greenhouses at school into her mouth, and it had been three weeks since. She tired of the earthy, wrong taste in everything she ate or drank, but was determined to see this through. A key rattled in the lock to her room, and Petunia let herself in.
Lily's sister was two years older, and had graduated muggle school 18 months ago. Her hair was dark where Lily's was red, and perfectly coiffed into a knot, where Lily's was loose.
'You missed out not coming shopping with us, they have the most beautiful boutiques on the main street.' Petunia put down her mass of shopping bags and wrinkled her nose at Lily's paper.
'Is that one of your witchy things? Surely you should put it away, what if someone sees?'
'Who's going to see Tuney? You already know, and we're on the third floor.'
'Well I don't like it, anyhow. It's unnerving.' Lily rolled her eyes and folded the paper into her bag. She glanced out the window again, looking for a messenger owl. Her letter to James had gone unanswered for six days at this point, she had begun to worry.
'Mum and Dad want to go skiing again this afternoon, will you be joining us, or are you going to mope some more?'
'I'm not moping! I'm just waiting for a letter.'
'What, wizards can't use telephones like the rest of us?'
'Oh shut up, I can't help but notice Dursley hasn't called.' Petunia's eyes narrowed.
'He's busy, I'm sure. He was helping his father when we last spoke.'
Lily rolled her eyes again and started to dress. She found, on arriving home, that Petunia and herself had less and less in common every time they came together. They were becoming very different women. Lily had skimmed the subject of polyamory in casual conversation once or twice, and each time, her sister had ranted in disgust. Petunia spoke of almost nothing but her upcoming marriage to Vernon Dursley; a portly young man with a ratty face and a haughty demeanor. Lily couldn't help but hear Sirius' voice in her head when she'd met him. He looks rather like a toad.
The four of them, Remus, James, Sirius and Lily had parted in London. They shared final hugs and tender kisses before the train had pulled in to the station, avoiding awkward conversations with parents. Lily had chatted to the Potters for a while, before she crossed the barrier to her waiting parents. She had seen Sirius walk through the barrier with Regulus to their dark and angry looking parents, both boys with their eyes cast down. Remus' parents hadn't deigned to pick him up, and he left alone to catch a muggle cab, an empty look in his eyes. Lily was loathe to be apart for so long.
They had been writing regularly, but owl-post was slow, and chances for floo-chatting were few and far between, particularly since the hotel she was in had electric heating.
Clad in her snow suit with ski boots in hand, Lily left the room with Petunia. Only one more week of holiday, and only one more week with the stupid leaf. She shook the thought from her brain, and
they left the hotel for the waiting car. --
Sirius sat in the bay of his bedroom window, forehead leaned against the cold glass. A drab London morning passed him by. It would be at least another week, maybe two until the NEWT exam results came via owl. In the meantime, Sirius was losing his mind stuck in the house with his parents. He grimaced against the windowpane, wondering why on earth he couldn't just act the way they wanted him to when he was around them. His mother expected him to join his father in the magical security business, providing witches and wizards with charms, cursed items and hexes, supposedly to keep their homes and persons safe. Sirius couldn't think of anything he'd like to do less. His own home at Grimmauld place was so full of angry charms and unexpected curses that he feared to touch anything at all.
He gazed through the window without seeing, longing to be with any of his three partners. He missed Lily and her softness, the enveloping warmth that made him feel more calm than he ever had. He missed James and the inexhaustible energy they shared. James understood his mind like no one else. He missed Remus, and the unshakeable logic. When Sirius' thoughts carried on like a runaway train, Remus was the only one able to quiet them. Sirius sighed loudly again. Surely James had received his letter by now.
His parents had kicked him out last summer, and he'd spent a blissful two months with James in Godric's Hollow. James' parents had been so welcoming, and so genuinely kind . They had invited him back after he finished, but his parents had insisted on playing happy families, now that he was poised to receive top marks from his schooling. He knew they didn't want him home as their son, only as their bragging rights to other "pure blood" families.
He heard footsteps on the stairs, one set quick and quiet, the other slow and forebodingly loud. His door flew open.
'Mum's coming, she's off her head, you'd better go.' Regulus was gone from the doorway as fast as he'd come. Sirius heard his mother's trundling footsteps coming up the stairs, sounding furious. Fuck it, he thought, and opened the window. He picked up his hogwarts trunk, still mostly packed, and mumbled 'accio'. His clothes and a couple of other valued items flew into the trunk. He slammed it shut, hoisting it with him to stand on the windowsill.
Walburga Black rounded the corner at the end of the corridor. He sour face twisted in fury, she screamed the length of the hall.
'Sirius Black, you climb down from there this instant. Once again you sully the family name with your gallivanting!' Sirius couldn't be sure what she was on about this time, so instead he smiled, stepped onto the open air, and threw a leg over his broomstick, summoned as his mother had stalked slowly towards him.
He leaned forwards to pick up speed as fast as he could, his mothers shrill screaming drowned out by the wind in his ears. His trunk was inconvenient to carry on his broomstick, and he hadn't had time to put on a cloak. It was also daylight, and Sirius noted at least one muggle who spotted him in the sky. He brought his broom to the ground, in an alley behind an older muggle pub. He stood, considering. His pride, he decided, was altogether ridiculous. Of course he could go back to the Potters'. They had invited him after all. When he finally apparated with a crack, it was to Moony's door.
The quaint cottage was probably once quite beautiful, but the paint now peeled and the vines had
overwhelmed the gutters. Remus had a muggle mother, he knew, and a wizard father with something of a gambling addiction. He bypassed the front door, ducking below the windows, making his way to the back of the house. Peeking in the window, he took in the sight of Remus' bedroom. A single bed sat in the corner, surely too small for Remus now that he had grown to be the tallest of them. A small, worn desk framed the window. A cupboard and a chest were the only other furniture. Sirius grimaced, and wondered how the bedroom seemed worse than his own cluttered home. He ducked slightly as the door opened, but Moony entered.
Remus looked skinnier than usual, the circles under his eyes very pronounced. He carried a steaming mug of tea and a plate of toast. As he approached the window, Sirius noticed the blank look in his eyes. It was the same look he had each year when they boarded the train to Hogwarts - far away and lifeless. Each year it had taken less and less time for the energy of James and Sirius to seep in and breathe life back in to him.
Remus approached the desk, and as he sat his mug down, finally noticed his boyfriend's face. He knocked the mug over, his hand reaching for his wand. A spark of recognition crossed his features and he reached over to force open the window.
'Sirius, what on earth are you doing, skulking around? You scared me half to death.'
'Sorry love, I wasn't sure if your dad was home.' Sirius waved his wand to replace the spilled tea. 'He's not home, but he will be later. What's wrong? Why do you have your trunk?'
'Can I come in? I've missed you.' Remus took a few moments, but eventually opened the back door. He was greeted with a bone crushing hug. He found comfort in the smell of Sirius' dark hair, and hadn't realised how much he missed being touched.
Sirius pulled back to examine his lover.
'Have you been eating? The next full moon isn't for one and a half weeks, why do you look so tired?' Remus wouldn't meet his eye. It was actually the first time Sirius had been inside Remus' house. They usually met outside with James for their monthly frolic in the forest that met the back yard.
'I'm all right, just haven't been sleeping well. Why are you here?'
'I'm not going back. mum still thinks I'm a child to be scolded and screamed at. I hadn't even done anything this morning and she was ready to go off. I'm gonna find a place of my own.' He ducked his head.
'I was hoping we could spend some time together, I haven't seen you in weeks.'
Sirius hoped Remus would read between the lines and realise he needed a place to stay. Remus sighed and closed his eyes.
'Sirius I- It's not really a good time-' His head snapped up to the sound of a small ringing bell. Remus took him by the hand and led him to the bedroom.
'Please just stay here, I'll be back in a moment.' He shut the door behind him. Sirius looked around. The room was even more drab from the inside. The bed was too small for him, let alone for Moony. The sheets looked so threadbare they couldn't be comfortable. The window was grimy and the curtains moth eaten. Quickly Sirius questioned himself. How much of his judgement was the privelige of growing up wealthy, and how much was this room actually miserable? He waited a few minutes, idly examining the few possessions Remus had on his desk; a cup with some pencils and a dusty letter opener, a roll of parchment, and unopened letter addressed in James' chicken scratch.
Remus eventually returned, looking somehow more tired.
'What's up, love? What's going on?' Sirius approached his boyfriend. They had written each other daily since stepping off the train, but there had been no indication of any issues on Remus' part. 'Mother is sick. She needs help with a lot, and my father is not around to help her. I didn't realise it had become as bad as-' His breath caught in his throat, and for a terrible moment, Sirius thought he
would cry. His own problem seemed far away. Sirius crossed the distance quietly and wound his arms around a worryingly skinny waist. He pushed his face into Remus' neck.
'What can I do to help?'
'Nothing, really-'
'Anything Moony, do you need someone to help around the house? Can I cook for both of you?' Remus smiled glumly.
'I appreciate the offer, I do.' Putting his hands on Sirius' shoulders, he gently pushed him away. 'Mother won't let anyone else care for her, and if my father comes back and finds you here... It's not a situation I'd like to find myself in.'
'Surely if your mother needs that much help, she should be in a hospital?'
'I'm sure she should, but father won't allow it. He doesn't want her cared for by muggles.'
'Your mother is a muggle, she'd be better off-'
'Trust me Sirius, I've tried. I found a lovely home for her, she'd get plenty of attention and care, but my father won't hear of it.'
The front door slammed open, audible to even Sirius' normal senses. Remus froze, his eyes fearful. Footsteps stormed through the house. Remus looked pained, before shoving Sirius towards the back door.
'Please, go. I'll speak to you tomorrow about this. I promise.'
Sirius let himself be ushered out the back door and scurried with his trunk and his broomstick towards the forest, disappearing behind a tree right before a surly man with a dishevelled moustache peered out from the back door.
Sirius sat in the cold for a while. He didn't blame Remus at all, but it still hurt to be asked to leave. He let his head clunk back against a tree. Surely there was another option. He sat and he thought, and his stomach rumbled. I'll go to a hotel, the thought, get a job, like an adult. He'd never had a job before, but the thought of relying on his parent's fortune made him sick. Perhaps Moony could come live with him eventually. He stood and apparated again, appearing in the brick courtyard that was the entrance to Diagon Alley, and the back of the Leaky Cauldron.
--
James woke and blinked the sleep from his eyes. It was late in the morning from the light through the window. He rolled from bed and padded down the stairs. It had been three weeks since he arrived home, and one week since his parents had sat him down to talk.
'James, we're glad you're home, but you're an adult now. You should get out of bed before midday, and get a job.' He had told them he was waiting for his NEWT results, but it hadn't won him anything. His parents were convinced he should have a job while he waited, get himself into the workplace, get some professional experience. To their chagrin, he had gone and begged a job in London, he was now a waiter in a swanky whiskey bar upstairs above one of the shops in Diagon Alley. He hadn't been allowed to bartend, only running drinks and clearing tables, but it was a paying job. His hours were 6pm until late, and he felt very smug about his lie-ins now. His father had laughed when they were told.
'You love a sleep in so much, you got a job that forces you!' James and his mother had laughed as well.
His first few shifts had gone well, he hadn't spilled or smashed anything, and he had earned more than a few tips from wealthy witches drunk on expensive whiskey. Turns out that firewhiskey isn't particularly good quality at all. The owner had had him taste some of the expensive drinks, and the difference was stark. Standing in the kitchen awaiting his tea, James smacked his forehead with his
palm. His father Fleamont looked up briefly from the Prophet.
'What have you forgotten now, son?'
'Lily's letter! It's been at least four- no six! Six days I haven't responded. I've been so tired I forgot completely!' He looked over at his father, who was hiding a smile behind his newspaper. James bolted up the stairs, tea forgotten. He pulled out a fresh piece of parchment. Holding his quill tightly, he wrote;
My dearest Lily,
Sorry I haven't responded, I got a job! I've been working at the Red Velvet lounge in Diagon Alley, they serve fancy whiskey and wine. I miss you terribly. Yes, Sirius has been to see me. He said you two were writing as well. I'm glad you're enjoying your holiday with your parents, or the skiing part at least. I bet the mountains are stunning this time of the year.
I can't wait to see you, I'll write as soon as I've got my NEWTs back, if I don't get to you before then. You'd better as well. I haven't seen Remus, but we've been writing as well. I think he's ok, he hasn't said anything to me.
I love you, I'll see you as soon as I can James.
Hastily rolling and tying the paper, he raced outside to the birdhouse and tied it to the leg of a very perturbed looking tawny owl.
'Sorry Patchworth, It's urgent. Find Lily, ok? She's in the mountains on Switzerland.' he bird nibbled his finger rather more sharply than necessary, before flying off into the dark looking clouds.
James went back to the kitchen, his mother now sitting at the table. She had finished brewing his tea, and he sipped it gratefully.
'Morning mum.'
'Good morning darling, how was work last night?'
James thought of the four golden galleons he'd had shoved in his back pocket last night by a very tipsy older witch.
'Yeah, it was good. I like it.'
'But you're still going to try for an auror position, aren't you?'
'Of course mum, I'm not going to give up being an auror for a job in a bar.' 'I was only asking, love.'
James spent his afternoon writing letters to Remus and Sirius, as well as drafting his application to the ministry of magic. Their Auror training program was rigorous and had a very competitive entry criteria. He had to be perfect. By the time 5:30 rolled around, he was dressed. A white shirt and black tie, black trousers, and an apron around his waist. Personally, he felt ridiculous in the uniform. He apparated to the back of the Leaky Couldron as usual, a jacket over his shirt and tie. He paused to wave at the barman, who was levitating the bins from the door to be emptied, when he paused. The bags of rubbish hit the ground.
'James?'
'Sirius?'
'Why are you dressed like a twat?' 'Why are you taking the rubbish out?'
They met in the middle in a fierce hug. Sirius breathed in the smell of James' recently-cleaned hair, drowning out the mildly rotten smell of the courtyard. They pulled back, remaining locked in one anothers' arms.
'I'm working at the Couldron, what are you doing?'
'I told you, I'm working up at Red Velvet, mum and dad thought I needed some real-world experience.'
'When did you start?'
'Last weekend, you?'
'A couple of days ago. They're putting me up in one of the rooms.'
'What?' James stepped back, 'You're not living with your parents?' Sirius looked a little sheepish.
'I didn't want to stay there any longer than I had to.'
'But you didn't come to my place?'
'I can make it on my own.'
'I know you can, Pads, but I like to have you around.' Sirius grinned as new possibilities dawned on him.
'Or I could have you around, and we could stay somewhere there aren't any parents?' James' eyebrows went up and he smiled back as the realisation dawned on him as well.
'I'll come see you when I finish, it'll be around three.'
'Perfect.'
They shared a kiss which threatened to become overwhelming, but James pulled back.
'I'm gonna be late, sorry Pads.' Sirius only nodded. James tapped the brick wall in sequence with his and and it opened to admit him. A last lingering look through the wall, and he was gone. Sirius looked back at the rubbish bags he'd dropped and levitated them to the bin. He smiled and shook his head before returning to the dark of the bar.
--
Another week passed in the alps, and Lily found herself on her way home with her family. They flew in an aeroplane, and Lily knew better than to suggest magical means of transportation. Her ears popped as they came to land at Heathrow. Collecting her baggage from the carousel, Lily and her family piled into a cab. Her muggle watch began to beep loudly, Petunia and Mr and Mrs Evans looked over.
'What's that for, dear?' asked her father. He had passed her the red of their hair.
'Oh, nothing, I forgot I had it set.' She knew, however, that there were only six hours between now and when she would have to have brewed the potion to turn herself into an animagus. The leaf in her mouth had taken on a furry quality, she longed to be rid of it. She had choked and almost swallowed the thing too many times to count. Her mother thought she should see a muggle speech pathologist.
After an hour in the cab they arrived back at the Evans family home. It was charmingly muggle, in a muggle suburb. Lily already felt like she was suffocating.
'Mum? Dad?' She poked her head in to their bedroom.
'I'm just going to see James, ok? I'll be back later.'
She ran down the stairs, past Petunia's room, where she could see her sister on the telephone with a dreamy smile. Lily left via the back door with her small messenger bag, packed with the ingredients she needed. Far enough away from any houses in a small park, she apparated to the Potters'.
Knocking on the front door, she was met by Euphemia, James' mother. A petite woman with a kind smile.
'Good evening Mrs. Potter. Is James in?'
'Hello Lily, no he's not I'm afraid. He's working tonight, and then staying with Sirius.' Lily had known James would be away, he told her in a letter. Her jealously at his stay with Sirius was overshadowed by her ambitious plan. She was hoping to fly under his radar, but needed somewhere to brew her potion. She knew using the Potters' place would be risky - the potion being one to turn her into an illegal animagus after all, but didn't really have anywhere else to go.
'Would it be ok if I come in and use your couldron? I have all my own ingredients. I need to brew a potion.'
'Of course sweetheart, come in. James tells us you're an excellent potion maker. How was your holiday?'
'It was lovely, thank you Mrs Potter. We went skiing.'
Euphemia led Lily to a small room in the basement of the house. A fireplace held an empty couldron, and several bags of ingredients hung from a rack. A small desk with a knife for cutting ingredients sat nearby.
'What sort of potion are you making dear?' Lily took a quiet, steadying breath. She hadn't lied so far, but she needed to be convincing.
'It's a little embarrassing I'm afraid Mrs. Potter-'
'Please, call me Euphemia.'
'Euphemia, of course. I'm embarrassed to say, but I tend to have fairly terrible... Monthlies. I'm hoping to brew something to help.' Lily hoped the quaver in her voice sounded like embarrassment, rather than dishonesty.
The older woman smiled sympathetically and nodded her head.
'How unfortunate, hopefully it will help. Will you need any assistance?'
'Thank you, I think I'll manage.'
'Call up the stairs if you do, I'll have some tea brought down.'
'Thank you very much Mrs- Euphemia.'
'You're welcome dear.'
Lily listened to the gentle footfalls on the stairs disappear before she turned to her work. She added chimera's milk to the couldron first, stoking the fire until it bubbled, but didn't boil. Slowly she added powdered goats hooves and stirred counter-clockwise 12 times. Watching her muggle watch, she waited nine and a half minutes before she spat the bitter leaf directly into the mixture. A small, but well fed house elf appeared at her elbow.
'Tea, miss.'
'Thank you Chicker.'
'Will you be needing anything else miss?'
'No thank you.' The house elf's large, glassy eyes lingered a moment on the potion, before she snapped her fingers and left Lily alone again.
Overall, the potion took an hour and a half to brew. Using a silver ladle, she spooned the mixture into a vial, making sure to fill it to the top. The colour was correct, a deep cerulean blue. It smelled tart, like raspberries eaten too soon, and according to the instructions she had copied in excruciating detail, this was also right. The steam shimmering over the fire was a glossy, pearlescent shade, and according to the book, this meant a lightning storm was not far off. Without wasting time, Lily vanished the remains of the potion. She hung her full vial around her neck and tucked it under her shirt. She picked up her bag and her teacup, and left the room as clean as she had found it. Walking through to the library, Lily paused in the doorway.
'Good evening Mr Potter, how are you?'
'Lily! Good to see you dear. I'm excellent. Did you get on well downstairs?' He was looking at Lily over the top of his glasses, eyes sparking with the same cheek as James' when something was afoot.
Lily shifted uncomfortably.
'Uh, yes. I think I managed it. I'm off now, will you tell Mrs Potter I said thank you, and goodnight?'
'Of course. Have a lovely night.'
Lily crossed the rest of the house, leaving her teacup in the kitchen, and left by the front door. The wind and the rain had whipped up. She thought about going home, but decided against it. She knew James and Sirius would be working. She thought of Remus. They wrote often, but his letters had been short and offered little information of late. There was still a few days before the full moon, he would likely be brewing his wolfsbane potion in the next day or so. Lily strained her brain to remember where he lived. She knew the suburb, and had seen a picture of his parent's house. Hoping it would be enough, she turned on the spot and diapparated.
--
Remus sat, reading quietly in his bedroom. His mother was finally asleep, and after making himself some toast, a poor dinner indeed, he retired to his room. Sitting on his too-small bed, he tried to be absorbed in his book. A distant crack caught his attention. He knew a storm was coming, but that hadn't sounded like thunder. He blinked tiredly, it was likely his father coming home, probably drunk. Remus stood to turn off his light, when a tap on his window startled him. Lily's small face looked in from the darkness. She waved at him. He drank in her smile like a parched man, even through the window it warmed him. He didn't smile back however, knowing he'd have to turn her away as he did Sirius. He made a gesture to the back door and she turned to meet him there.
'Remus!' Lily folded him into a hug. He allowed himself to squeeze her back and breathe in the cloying lavender and unfamiliar, tart scent from her hair.
'Lily. I've missed you.'
'I've missed you terribly.' Her face of concern mirrored Sirius' from last week. She felt his ribs through his shirt.
'Remus? Are you okay?'
'I'm all right Lily, listen to me. You can't be here.' Her face fell. She hadn't expected them to fall into bed, but she hoped he'd smile at least.
'What's wrong?'
'Nothing's wrong with me. My mother is- She's not well. We're trying to keep things calm for her.' 'Oh.' Lily held on to him still. She buried her head into his shoulder. He let her.
'I just thought- Well. I just wanted to see you. It's been so long, Moony, a whole month.' He knew. Oh, how he knew how long it had been. Sirius had been his only visitor in that time, James had been gently rebuffed when he'd offered to come, and his last transformation they had met him in the forest. Lily squeezed him tightly before stepping away. Remus ached to keep her near.
'I'll see you soon, won't I?'
'Of course, I'll carve out some time to come to you.' Lily nodded
'I love you, Remus. You know it, don't you?'
'Of course I do, I love you also.' She stepped closer again and kissed him softly. He forced himself not to latch on to her, and act like her kiss wasn't the only think keeping him alive in that moment.
She stepped back after a while, looking sad. She searched his face and found he had wiped it clean of feeling. He hated himself.
'Goodbye love.'
'Goodnight Lily.'
She walked straight out into the woods, and apparated, but any gust of wind was lost in the gale. Pulling her coat tightly around her, Lily walked into the shrieking shack with only a hint of
trepidation. James and Remus had told her one lazy evening about the convenient rumours about the shrieking shack, and where the noises actually came from. She had no reason to fear. Pulling her coat closed at the neck, she ascended the creaking stairs and went into a bedroom with an unblocked fireplace. A gentle 'Bombarda' cleared the chimney, and soon a roaring fire warmed the room. She had picked this place for the same reason Dumbledore had - there would be no interruptions. The storm blew outside, and on the other end of the house somewhere a blind slammed against its frame, startling her. Lily settled in to her conjured cushion with her conjured tea, and her book. She waited for the lightning.
Remus was not sleeping - he didn't often nowadays. He listened as his father returned and flopped onto the rug in the living room. Remus knew better than to convince him to move. He buried his head in his book again, tired eyes sluggish.
James' head was pounding. this was his fifth night in a row in amongst the crowd, the smoke, the noise of the bar. If anyone else touched him tonight, he'd puke on their expensive shoes. He picked up a tray of drinks and went towards their destination.
Sirius poured beer after beer, interspersed with cheap whiskey. The Leaky Couldron, always dark, smelled particularly bad tonight. He had the suspicion that the hulking patron by the door was the culprit. Another patron clicked their fingers at him, and he clutched his tea towel tightly as he walked over.
Lily was jolted awake by the first shattering crack of thunder and lightning. She cursed herself for dozing off, but if the storm was that close, she hadn't missed it. There was no gap between the two effects. She pulled her coat closer around herself and stood, walking to the window. The shutters had long since broken off, her view of the forest was unimpeded. Throwing open the window, her hair whipped around her face before she managed to wrangle it into a bun at the nape of her neck. She pulled the small vial from her clothing and unstoppered it. She waited for another bolt of lightning.
She shouted, carefully pronouncing the incantation above the howl of the wind, and tipped the vial into her mouth. It tasted like spoiled fruit. She swallowed through a grimace and stoppered the bottle again, checking to make sure each drop was gone. She waited. Another bolt of lightning shook the air and Lily was gripped with a searing pain in her chest. She dropped to her knees, clutching her breast, her breath came in short gasps. Bracing herself on her all fours, she willed her stomach to keep the potion down, swallowing through the excess saliva quickly welling up in her mouth. The muscles in her jaw tightened, her eyes shut tight. There was fire in her veins, travelling the length of her limbs with every heartbeat. An iron band settled itself around her skull, squeezing so tightly Lily thought her eyes would pop if she opened them. She listened to the storm for what felt like hours. She focussed on her breath, calming her shuddering chest enough to force her exhales to be longer. Her mother had always said 'Control your exhale, the inhale will take care of itself.' That's what she did. Forcing each breath from her lungs, Lily breathed through the pain. Curled up on the cold floorboards, she remained as still as she could, any movement made her whole body pulse and sting.
Eventually, the storm passed. All that remained was a drizzle on the roof evidenced by the noise. Lily opened her eyes. She guessed she had fallen asleep once the pain had passed enough. Light shon through the window, however weak and grey. Slowly and carefully, she unfurled her limbs. Her shoulder ached from how she had rested her head on her arm. Lying on her back, she invited movement back into her toes and fingers, rolling out her ankles and wrists. Taking stock, she was sore, tired and cramping all over, but didn't feel any different to her usual self. She sat up
cautiously, conjured some water and drank it eagerly. Perhaps it didn't work, she thought, maybe the potion was wrong, or the leaf was wrong. Thinking back, she pulled the instructions from her pocket, checking them over and shaking her head.
'It was all right.'
Lily turned the paper over to re-read the description of actually changing into an animal.
For many witches and wizards, the transformation is initially very difficult. One must concentrate very hard on the animal itself, not the physical changes. If one is to successfully transform, one must be prepared for one's whole being to be rearranged. It may help to recite the incantation the first two to three transformations, as this will put one in the right mind to transform.
Lily put the paper on the floor and stepped back in to the middle of the room. She closed her eyes and very clearly said the incantation again, focussing hard on the image of an owl. A curious sensation curled itself around her spine. A cool, slippery feeling crept outwards across her back and shoulders, but soon subsided. Lily tried a few more times, each time the feeling would spread further, first her arms, then her neck, her thighs, and finally her toes.
Eventually, she felt a rush of air near her face, and observed the extremely odd sensation of no longer having fingers. She allowed the feeling to wash over her completely, until her bones were warm again. She blinked open her eyes and looked around. Now no taller than her satchel, which sat over by the fire, each detail of the room was far more sharp than should be possible. She watched a small dust mote swirl in the meager sun through the window. Raising her leg to take a step, she watched a talon move in front of her. Her legs looked almost non-existent under a thick layer of white feathers. Stretching her arms - supposing they were no longer arms - she saw magnificent white wings, each feather at the edges tipped with the copper colour of her hair. She took her step and heard her claws clack against the wood of the floor in excruciating detail. She took another step, feeling goofy.
Eventually she left the room, in search of a mirror. She hopped across the hall a few times, clack- clack-clacking across the floors. Lily found she could hear the mice scurrying in the walls, and the minute creaking in the foundations. The fourth room she tried had a cracked mirror sitting on the floor. She hopped towards it and opened her mouth to laugh at how ridiculous the movement looked, instead shocking herself with a screech. She heard a particularly large rodent in the walls scamper away. Turning her head side to side, and then all the way around, Lily marvelled at her new flexibility. Hopping back to the original room, she looked at the window she left open.
Opening her powerful wings she gave them an experimental flap, lifting herself off the ground by only a centimetre. She flapped harder, tensing the muscles of her feathered back, and found her feet scrabbling for purchase on the sill. The tiny jump filled her with triumphant joy, so she spread her wings properly and leapt from the windowsill.
--
It was four o'clock in the morning when Sirius finally left the bar to the owner. He never seemed to need sleep. Sirius stumbled down the hallway, floorboards creaking in his wake. He pressed his wand to the door of his room, and it creaked open at his touch. Looking up, he blinked blearily. Three things were different to when he had left. There was a fire in the fireplace, a letter on the desk, and a James in his bed, already snoring.
He picked up the letter and recognised Regulus' neat writing.
Sirius,
I hope you've found somewhere to stay, you've probably gone back to James'. Say hello to him for me.
Mum's still furious, someone told her you were together with Remus, only took a year for her to find out. It doesn't seem like she knows about the rest, I think you'd have copped a howler if she did. Dad won't even hear your name without going off at the moment, but I don't think he cares about Remus, I think he's just mad you're not working for him.
I got my OWLs back, of course I got Os in everything except his. of magic. That bloody ghost is so boring, I could never stay awake. Stupid goblins and their wars. Kreacher is glad you're gone at least, I saw him actually smiling at your room the other day.
Let me know how you're going, but send the owl at night so mum doesn't see. I'll come visit if you're at James'
R.A.B
Sirius smiled sleepily, shedding his shoes by the desk. He pulled off his apron and let it fall to the floor, closely followed by his shirt. He wriggled his trousers over his hips and shook his legs out of them, those as well remaining on the floor. He crossed to the bed and carefully climbed in, trying not to jostle the other boy. He placed a kiss to a mop of unruly dark hair. James' hand came up to rest on Sirius' chest, and he let out a sleepy grunt of welcome. Sirius slept with a smile on his face.
He woke to the hooting of an owl at the window. Sirius looked up, blinking. It was far too early to be awake, considering the hour he had gone to sleep. James didn't stir. Git, thought Sirius. He rolled gingerly from the bed, muscles aching to the bottoms of his heels. He padded to the window and squeezed his eyes shut as he opened the curtains. The meager sun of the morning hurt his eyes, but when they adjusted he saw a beautiful stark-white barn owl. The only colour was the brilliant green of it's eyes, and the copper coloured tips of its wings. Sirius paused a moment - owls don't have green eyes.
He lifted the window open, expecting the owl to offer a letter or a scroll from its leg, but instead, the animal hopped in the window, spread its wings and glided to sit on the foot of the bed. Sirius shut the window against the drizzle outside and turned confusedly. The rustle of wings and woken James, who was glaring at the bird.
'What the fuck?' grumbled James. He never did function very well without sleep. The owl hopped along the bed until it was right near his face. Sirius watched in foggy fascination. His brain was still trying to wake up. The boys watched as the animal shook its head, and slowly went through the familiar transformation, leaving a grinning Lily lying in the bed. Sirius' mouth fell open, his jaw almost on the ground. James had scrambled towards the edge of the bed during the transformation, and now, not supporting himself adequately, he fell off the edge.
Lily's laugh jingled through the room like the ringing of bells as she smoothed down her hair. Sirius was rooted to the spot. James only moved to poke his head above the side of the bed. 'What the fuck!?' he repeated, incredulous.
'Yeah,' Lily returned, sounding exhilarated, 'I did it.'
'What do you mean you did it?' Sirius had finally picked his jaw up. 'You just up and turned yourself into a fucking owl?'
'Yeah, I s'pose,' Lily grinned even harder. James managed to clamber back up on the bed and leaned in to kiss her.
'You. Are. Literally. The. Dumbest. Fucking. Person. I've. Ever. Met.' He breathed out between pecks. Lily laughed again, delighted. Sirius moved to the other side of the bed.
'How did you manage it? Especially without being at Hogwarts? You didn't do it in your muggle house did you?' Sirius looked vaguely concerned as she kissed him as well.
'No, actually, I went to the Potters','
'You brewed THAT potion in the house with my parents!?'
'I was careful, they didn't know!'
'Are you sure?'
'Yes I'm sure. What, did you want me to go to the Black house?'
'God no, my mother would eat you alive before she let you in.'
'When we did it, we knew that Madame Pomfrey would fix us up if it went wrong, and we had access to the ingredients, and we had somewhere private to do it, and we all checked each others' potions. What if something had gone wrong?'
'It didn't! Bloody hurt though. You didn't tell me that part.'
Sirius crowded behind Lily on the bed. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep, but she looked ravishing when she was excited. His eyes met James' over her shoulder and he brushed locks of sunrise- coloured hair from her neck. He pressed his lips to the soft patch of neck he uncovered. James shuffled closer to her front and tangled their fingers, before he leaned forward to kiss her. His lips were gentle and concerned, but the enthusiasm she responded with was reassuring.
Crowded between them, Lily felt very hot, and was grateful when Sirius' arm snaked around her waist to undo her coat. James helped with the zipper and she was exposed to the cool morning air.
Her trousers were soon missing as well, the two boys making short work of undressing their girlfriend. Though she was tired and sore, every nerve in her body lit up at their touches in a stark contrast to her burning transformation the night before. Their hands were everywhere at once, warm fingers tracing her lines, and tongues followed. Now in her mouth, now below her ear, now tracing her spine.
Lily found herself sitting up, straddling james who sat against the headboard, Sirius warming her from behind. Both boys remained in their pants from sleep, but she could feel James under her, and Sirius pressing into the swell of her arse. Lily leaned back, hands on James' chest, and turned her head to kiss Sirius. James relaxed back to enjoy the view. Lily's tuft of copper-coloured hair glistened slightly with her arousal, her stomach stretched up, chest on full display as she strained to meet Sirius' lips from behind her. Sirius' strong arms gripped her waist, his tanned skin contrasting beautifully with her pale. James reached down to free his cock and stroked at the sight of them. Wavy black hair tumbled down over Sirius' eyes, having fallen from its sleepy tied back state. Strong shoulders strained as he pulled her closer. A moan escaped James, and Lily and Sirius looked at him through half-lidded eyes.
'Lily, can we both fuck you?' A sharp intake of breath made her breasts shift prettily.
'What?' Sirius mouthed her neck and her eyes fluttered.
'Sirius and I, can we both fuck you? He'll stretch you first.' The idea had not occurred to Lily before, and she took a few moments to think about it. Her head lolled forwards as Sirius kissed his way down her spine. She had watched the boys stretch each other often enough, and had fingered them all in turn herself. Eventually her brain caught up with the slick between her legs and she nodded.
James pulled her forward into a kiss, hands on her hips. She shifted her knees back as he wriggled down to lie on his back. Lily mourned the loss of Sirius' warmth against her, but felt him settle between James' legs behind her. James did his best to keep her distracted, tangling one hand in her hair and tracing her spine with another. She lowered her hips enough to press her vulva to his cock
and he gasped at the contact. She was slick and warm against him, and she rolled her hips to drag the feeling the length of his cock, while she listened to Sirius' every move. A pop of a cap, and the bottle being placed on the nightstand.
'Lily, hey, focus on me. If you're uncomfortable, tell me, okay?' James looked her in the eye until she nodded. He looked over her shoulder and gave Sirius the go-ahead with a look before he captured her lips in another kiss. She sunk to her forearms, lowering her top half to James' chest. He stroked her ribs and spine, and let her bury her head next to his.
Sirius placed one warm hand on her hip comfortingly, admiring the perfect, creamy swell of her arse. His practiced fingers found the tight pucker, delighting in how pink the skin was. He circled her hole with his slicked finger, placed a kiss on her lower back, and breathed on her skin, admiring the goosebumps as they rose. James pressed kisses to her shoulder, trapped under her.
'Deep breath love, relax.' Lily obeyed, her back rose and fell with a controlled breath. His finger passed through the ring of muscle on her exhale, and he stilled for her to get used to the feeling. Her hips shifted slightly as she acclimated, and Sirius pushed further, sinking his finger to the final knuckle. Lily lifted her head again after a couple of minutes, and pressed her lips to James', searching for comfort and familiarity in his mouth. James let her lead, opening his mouth for her inquisitive tongue. He heard her breathing forced to steady and stroked her arms comfortingly.
'You're doing so well, my love. So good for us.' Lily had her eyes closed, but a smile quirked the corner of her lips. Sirius slipped in a second finger, still moving slowly, and Lily wasn't sure if it was worse or better than speed.
'Does it excite you? Thinking about being fucked by both of us? We're going to fill you with our cocks, and you're going to take it like a good girl.' Lily gasped and rolled her hips, fucking herself on Sirius' fingers, and sliding her vulva along James' cock at the same time. Both boys stuttered, James gripping her waist. Sirius added a third finger and started to scissor them apart, stretching her further. She had got used to the feeling over the ten minutes they prepared her, and relaxed fully. He leaned down to kiss and lick her arsecheek, massaging the opposite one with his free hand. Lily began to lose her mind, her only thoughts of the hands on her skin.
James reached down between them to grasp his own cock, becoming desperate for friction. Lily sensed his need and as he positioned himself, she lowered her hips down, careful not to jostle Sirius' fingers. James gripped her arm hard enough she felt bruises blooming, but he forced himself not to move. He could feel the faint sensation of Sirius' fingers inside her, and when she was fully seated on his cock, Lily pressed her chest against his, a little overwhelmed.
'Hang on,' she breathed, and James and Sirius froze in place. A few moments passed, her slow breathing the only movement between them.
'Lily, we can stop-'
'No, don't stop. Please... I just need a second.' James combed through her hair with his fingers, and Sirius spread his hand over her lower back. His cock ached to be touched, he shut his eyes to the sight of her perfect arse, and James' dark cock buried deep inside her pink folds. When Lily lifted her head again and told him to move, he moved.
Sirius eased his fingers out of her arse and poured more lube on his cock. He lightly spread it over his length with his hand, careful not to apply too much pressure. He rose and lined himself up with her stretched hole. James looked up past Lily's shoulder, admiring the olive skin of Sirius' neck, muscles straining. Those dark eyelashes hanging low. He half wished he could see, but the weight of Lily on his chest and the view of Sirius was more than enough.
'Okay Lily?' mumbled Sirius, barely restraining himself.
'Yeah,' she breathed, and she gripped James' shoulder. So slowly he thought he'd go mad, Sirius pushed into the wet heat of her arse. The sensation of James' cock pressing against his own added a completely new element, and he felt it in his balls. They remained still for a while, letting her adjust. James watched Sirius' internal battle, and followed the trail of a bead of sweat at his temple.
He knew Sirius didn't often fuck tenderly, and his every instinct must be screaming to ram his hips into her.
Lily propped herself up on her elbows again, jostling them both, sending waves of pleasure through all three of them. Each twitch was like a landslide, sending them down a mountain at breakneck speed.
'Sirius, please move.' He didn't have the heart to deny her. Pulling his hips backwards, he felt himself slide along the hard length of James, who moaned into Lily's hair, a low, wanton sound. Lily opened her eyes to watch him. Sirius pushed back inside, both hands coming to rest on Lily's waist. He allowed himself to build speed, each thrust burying him deeper until his bollocks were connecting. Lily felt every movement in excruciating detail, both hands gripping the sheets by James' head. James began to move slightly under her and suddenly she was on fire.
They both picked up speed gradually, and Lily thought she might come apart at the seams. The feeling of being stretched twice over was unlike anything. Her skin burned and she felt her chest become slick with sweat. The heady feeling of Sirius' hands on her waist, like he was trying to leave his fingerprints in her skin, made her feel wanted and alive. James reached between them and found her clit. The angle was inconvenient, the movement of three bodies made it difficult to be consistent, but Lily's nerve endings were so stimulated that any contact was too much. Sirius started to fuck her in earnest from behind, and it was only moments later her elbows collapsed. She stopped breathing momentarily, while the feeling of her orgasm worked its way up and down her legs. Her muscles clenched and stuttered around both of the cocks buried deep inside her, shocking the boys from their rhythms. Lily gasped in a breath, her orgasm stretching for an age around the overstimulation. Sirius' hips stuttered again at a particularly strong flutter around him and his orgasm hit him like a freight train unexpectedly.
Sirius collapsed over Lily's back while they both panted. The room stank of sex and felt hot despite the cold morning light. They lay for a minute enjoying their post orgasm bliss, when James tapped Lily on the arm. She laughed lightly and realised he wasn't finished. Sirius rolled away, savouring the cool sheets in the spot next to him. Lily sat up, James' cock still hard inside her. She put one hand on his chest and lifted herself on her knees, only to drop back down and sit on his hips. James let his hands wander to her thighs. Lily started to fuck him at a punishing pace, and Sirius admired the strength of her legs. She was still dripping wet, and each slide over James' cock felt like heaven. It wasn't long until James' back arched from the bed.
Sirius watched James' dark features while he orgasmed. His plump lips shaped an o, and eyes shut tight. The muscles in his stomach clenched and rolled. Lily let herself down a last time and felt him twitch and pulse inside her. Finally letting herself roll, her shaky legs forced her to collapse halfway onto Sirius, next to James. She was breathing hard from the exertion.
'See James, nothing went wrong, you worry wart.' He was still lying with his eyes closed, breathing hard. He threw an arm over his eyes, and his body reminded him he'd only had about three hours of sleep.
'I still don't like it. Can we talk about this after I've had some sleep?' Lily kissed his temple and rolled to face Sirius, who was watching her tiredly.
'I can come with you all now, every month. I can help take care of Remus.'
'That's incredible love, Wait until he hears, but he'll probably give you a lecture.' Lily's face fell. 'I went to see him the yesterday. He looked...'
'Terrible. I saw him last week. I don't think he's eating.'
'I don't think so either. He said his mum wasn't well.'
'She's not, but it's not just that.'
'Oh?'
'His dad got home when I was there, drunk as a skunk. I think it's a worse situation than he wants
us to know.' James felt ashamed of himself, half listening to their conversation. They had written to each other often, but he had no inkling of what was really happening.
'I should've gone to see him. I didn't know.' Lily patted his hand gently.
'None of us knew, I don't think he wanted us to know.'
'We can't leave him there. We have to do something.'
'What? His father is a drunk and his mother won't let anyone else look after her.'
They spoke quietly for a while, each throwing out ideas as they came. It was a tricky situation, to be sure. They lay in bed together racking their brains, idly stroking one another's bare skin. Lily shot up straight.
'Oh my god, I told my parents I'd be back last night, and I never was.'
'Where did you go?'
'I waited out the storm in the shrieking shack, I thought it was the safest place.' James bolted upright, annoyed at Lily and at his exhaustion.
'That place is a death trap. If anything went wrong, no one would have found you! What the fuck, Evans!'
'I know, I know, I'm an idiot and reckless and stupid.' She kissed them both and rolled out of bed. She dressed, turned on the spot without saying goodbye, and diapparated. James and Sirius looked at each other for a moment, exasperated. They shook their heads, incredulous at Lily's skill and recklessness in equal measure. Slowly they returned to their place under the covers, Sirius curling into James' chest. They slept again, fitfully, with thoughts of Remus.
--
Lily arrived home around 11am. Her parents met her at the door, their worry streaming from their mouths as anger. Petunia stood back, arms crossed.
'Mum, Dad, I'm sorry. I meant to tell you, I did! A lot happened last night and I got caught up. But I'm an adult now! I don't need to be home every night.'
'Oh, you're an adult now? Does that mean you're going to start doing housework? Contributing to the budget?'
'I'm just waiting for my school results, then I'll know what I'm doing next. '
'Lily, we were worried about you! The storm was huge last night, and we don't know about that boyfriend of yours. When are you going to settle down with a nice boy like-'
'Like what? Like you? Like Petunia? Like a muggle?' 'Don't call us that!'
'It's not an insult!'
'You just used it as an insult!'
'I didn't- ' Lily realised that she did. She took a deep breath, and it finally sunk in that she no longer belonged to this world. She looked her parents in the eyes.
'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to use it as an insult. Or maybe I did. I'm sorry for that as well.' She pushed past them gingerly at the door, moved to her bedroom, and paused.
'I think I need to go and live among other witches and wizards for a while. I need to be immersed in it, or else I'll never fit in there.' I'll never fit in here again either, she thought, but didn't say aloud. She packed her things slowly, only taking the bare minimum of clothes and magical items. She made sure nothing of her world was left behind to hurt anyone, and lugged her trunk to the door.
'Lily darling, you don't need to leave.'
'I do, Dad. This place is my home, but I can't be at home here any more. I promise I'll visit.' She hugged both her parents and looked over at Petunia, who raised her nose and stomped to her
bedroom. Lily frowned, but figured it was for the best.
She turned on the porch and looked at her parents with a sad smile, before she apparated back to the Leaky Couldron.
She went to Sirius' room via the door this time, pulling her trunk behind her. James let her in, smiling bemusedly.
'Sirius, we may need to enlarge the bed again.'
'What are you doing here Lily? What happened? Are you okay?'
'I'm ok, I just-' she sighed loudly, 'I don't fit in any more, with my parents and my sister. I hate having to pretend I'm just like them all the time. I'd rather be here, with you.. And I'd rather have Remus here.' James nodded and kissed her forehead.
'I saw Flourish and Blotts were looking for someone to work the front counter. You could apply for a job there before the NEWTs next week.' Lily smiled at the suggestion.
'I'll do that.'
They spent the rest of the afternoon before the boys had to work discussing the Moony situation. Lily knew of a respectable nursing facility for muggles, her grandmother had lived there before she passed. An admin officer could be charmed to think the care was paid for. Sirius knew the Lupin family, and could talk to some relatives about getting Remus' father Lyall some help. Once those were taken care of, Remus would be free to be with them, and do what he wanted. Sirius started work at four o'clock, and left Lily and James alone in the room. The moment he was gone, Lily noticed a simmering undercurrent of sexual tension. She looked across the desk to James on the bed. He looked up like he could feel the heat from her stare. He smiled and cast aside the broomstick magazine he was reading as Lily crossed the room.
She straddled his lap, sitting on the edge of the bed, and immediately tangled her fingers in his hair to tilt his head. He allowed himself to be manhandled. Their kiss was intense, hot breath mingling and tongues dancing. Lily thought back to Hogwarts, which already seemed an age away. It must have been at least two months since they had a chance to be alone together. She licked into his mouth and enjoyed the feeling of his fingertips grazing the soft skin of her back. She pushed him backwards and they bounced when his back hit the bed. He smiled into her mouth before he rolled them over, trapping her in a cage of his arms. He peppered kisses down her neck and tugged the hem of her jumper. She lifted her hips and shoulders in turn when he pulled it up. Her undershirt went with it, revealing her braless state. He grinned and immediately sucked one of her taut pink nipples into his mouth, gently rolling it between his teeth. Lily tipped her head back and let herself get lost in the feeling. She noticed the wet feeling between her legs growing, and knew it wouldn't be long between the ache of this mornings activities, and the joy of having James to herself.
James worked on one nipple for a time, savouring the mild salt of her skin in his mouth, and massaging the other breast with a strong hand. He traced the sensitive underside of her breast with his other hand, eliciting a shiver and a gasp. With a final lave of his tongue, he switched sides. The first nipple now wet and sensitive to the air in the room. Lily let out a gentle moan, knowing the door had standing silencing charms. James lost himself in the impossible velvet feeling of her breasts, he could feel his cock pressing against the waistband of his trousers. Lily had her hand tangled in his hair, and the other resting idly by her side. He grabbed her wrist and guided her hand to his bulge, where she cupped the length of him and palmed her way along. Eventually her clever fingers worked open the button and zipper, and pulled down his pants to free his cock. Her small hand wrapped around the head, but the angle wouldn't allow her to stroke effectively. James kissed back up her neck, admiring the pretty flush that extended up her chest.
Their lips met again is a slow dance. There was no rush now. They had each other, and privacy, and a little time to become reacquainted. Lily could never forget, but was delighted to be reminded of James' insistent but forgiving lips. They pressed and yielded in equal measure, demanding and
providing in turn. His breath smelled of black coffee and he tasted of the salt and herbs of his lunch. She cupped the side of his face and felt the strong curve of his jaw. He held the back of her neck with such delicacy she felt like a china doll in his hands. Eventually his kisses became more desperate while lily worked him apart with her other hand. He pulled away to crawl and lay on the bed properly. Lily came to rest at his side and he held her close, his cock pressing in to her back. He had one arm under her neck and bent back, massaging a breast. The other hand pulled her skirt up her thighs and crept under her underwear to the heat and the slick.
Lily had been correct, it didn't take long before she was rolling her hips and gasping for breath, hands gripping his forearm around her chest. She came with a shout on his fingers, the heat in her belly releasing in a rush that left her light-headed. She lay panting for a moment, but pressed her arse back into the bulge she knew was there. They shifted a little, and James slid his cock home, savouring the wet heat with a groan in her ear. He pulled out slowly, languishing in the feel of her. Lily kissed his forearm around her front, and guided his hand back to her breast. James dug his fingers into her hip to hold her still. Their lazy rhythm felt luxurious, and they both relished the time alone. James buried his face in the sweet lavender tresses, sweating into his work shirt. His pace picked up when he felt Lily touch herself. She slipped her fingers into her folds and traced small circles on her clit. James' cock was impossibly hard, touching each and every nerve inside her.
She cried out at the same time as he did, both stilling to ride out the feeling. Waves of pleasure washed over Lily, making her legs shake and her knees sweat. James pulsed inside her. They held each other tightly, until their panting became slow, deep breathing. Lily revelled in the feeling. James always managed to make her feel safe and important and loved at the same time. It had been too long since they had been together as just the two of them. Lily vowed to make more of an effort. Eventually James had to leave as well. He magically cleaned and ironed his shirt and trousers, pointing his wand at his tie. Lily laughed when she realised he didn't know how to tie it. James pouted, but kissed her tenderly and left, smelling faintly of lavender.
