Remus sat on the edge of his bed, elbows on his knees, head in his hands. It had been a long time since he felt as bad as he did now. Tears wouldn't come, though he willed them to. Each day he watched his mother waste and his father languish in the grips of alcoholism. He barely had the energy to care for her, let alone for himself. He thought of Sirius and his offers for help, and dismissed it in the same second. No one could know the extent of his misery. He thought of Lily's knowing frown and knew it would only hurt her to see him brought this low. He eyed the letter opener on his desk. It had been a cruel gift from his father, being made entirely of pure silver. It was an old habit, but as they say, some die hard. He rose sluggishly, walked to the desk and planted both hands on the surface, his head hanging heavy on his neck. He shut his eyes tight, willing himself to walk away, but didn't. His slow but shallow breaths did nothing to silence the whirlwind in his head.

A gentle tap on his window startled Remus, his head snapped up. On his windowsill stood a magnificent white owl, copper coloured at the tips of her wings. Remus thought it must be a trick of the light, because her eyes were a deep forest green. He reached over to unlatch the window and forced it up, stiff from years of disuse. The owl hopped onto the desk, and he could swear it was looking into his soul. The beautiful creature opened its wings and slowly drifted to the floor, where it looked right up into Remus' confused face, before those enchanting eyes closed, and the owl turned into a woman.

Remus took several steps back from shock, his self hatred all but forgotten for a moment. Lily stood before him, looking the most concerned he's ever seen her. She closed the distance between them and took Remus' hands in her own.

'Moony?' She didn't look in his eyes for fear of what she would find. She stroked the hard sinews of his wrists, visible from being underfed. She massaged his palms as though she trying to force life back into them. Remus was too shocked for words. Lily looked back at the letter opener, and finally up at his face.

'Please, love, please talk to me. Tell me what's going on. I'm scared for you.' The genuine fear in her voice confirmed his prediction of hurting her, but her earnest gaze forbid him from lying.

'I can't, Lily. I can't do it.' Her brow furrowed further, tears on her waterline.

'What can't you do?'

'I can't manage it any more, it's too much.' He let his head fall to her shoulder, hunching over to do so. Lily gazed in horrified awe at the bones of his shoulders visible through his threadbare shirt. She held him there for a long time, he didn't cry, but he allowed her warmth and her love to seep in bit by bit, until he felt almost alive again. He finally pulled back, and Lily's face was set.

'We're leaving. Right now.'

'I can't up and leave, I told you yesterday.'

'We have a plan.'

'We?'

'Me, James and Sirius. We've spoken to your father's relatives and got him help, and we're going to put your mother into a facility for muggles - a nice one, she'll be cared for. You are coming with

me.'

'Where are we going?'

'For a hot meal, and literally anywhere but here. When was the last time you went outside, love?' Remus only shook his head. Lily led him by the hand to the back door, where they stepped out into the night. Remus blinked in the moonlight, the full moon must only be days away.

'Hold on, you were an owl.' Lily turned back to him and grinned.

'I thought I'd surprise you all. I followed in James' and Sirius' footsteps. Now I can come with you, make sure you're all safe.'

'Lily, that's so dangerous!' Lily only rolled her eyes

'Yes I know, I'm reckless and stupid and braindead. I already had a lecture from James.'

'You can expect one from me as well.'

'Fine, but not tonight.'

They walked down the hill into the woods, where Lily hugged him tight and apparated them to the Leaky Couldron. She opened the back door and they were met with a rush of heat and noise. Remus blinked and squinted his eyes at the stimulus, having tip-toed around his silent house for a month. Sirius took a while to notice them, seeming intent on polishing glasses so he wouldn't have to serve customers. When he did notice, he slammed down the glass and rushed over with a grin. 'Moony! I'm glad you're here. You want some food? We've got hot roast?' Remus nodded gratefully and allowed Lily to lead him to a table. Mugs of butterbeer and plates of steaming lamb roast appeared in front of them. He picked at first, but under Lily's watchful eye, his stomach remembered the feeling of hunger. He devoured his meal, and when Lily saw the look on his face, she pushed her plate toward him, and he finished hers as well. The mug of butterbeer seemed to warm him to the tips of his toes, and soon he was leaning back in his chair, dozing.

Lily tugged on his hand again, and led him up the stairs to Sirius' room. The bed had been enlarged. This room was no where near as nice as the one in Hogsmeade had been, but the air smelled purely of James and Lily and Sirius. Remus noted the three hogwarts trunks.

'Are you all living here?'

'Sort of.' Lily mumbled as she stoked the fire. The bed looked worn but soft, and after being divested of his clothes, he sank gratefully under the covers. Lily undressed as well, and pulled Remus in close. She felt him shiver, at the slight chill, noting his hard edges where she gripped him. He finally felt tears spill from his eyes, buried his face in Lily's chest, and sobbed. He cried and cried, until his feelings were in the open. Lily stroked his hair and neck and didn't otherwise move or speak. Finally breathing smoothly over an hour later, Remus lifted his head and settled on the pillow. He met her vivid green eyes with his swollen ones, centimetres apart.

'Remus, why didn't you say anything? To any of us?' came a whisper, as though she feared the answer. He was quiet for a long time, but Lily was a patient woman when she needed to be. 'Shame at first, I suppose. I didn't want anyone to see how I live. My father is the reason I'm a werewolf, certainly, but I still didn't want the world to see him for who he truly is. But then I didn't want to burden you, any of you. I don't want anyone to pity me, I'm not entitled to any handouts.' There was silence for a time.

'I'm sorry you didn't feel you could tell me.'

'That's not it at all Lily, this is purely my own fault, I-'

'It is NOT your own fault. Do not say that again.' Remus cast his eyes down, and Lily pulled him close again.

'I love you, Remus Lupin. Your circumstances are not your fault. Me and Sirius and James want to help. We're going to help, starting tomorrow.'

'What's tomorrow?'

'I've booked an appointment at the nursing facility to take your mum in. They'll show you around, have a doctor have a look at her.'

'My father with never allow it.'

'Sirius spoke to his cousin who is somehow your fathers cousin as well. All those "pure blood' families are so convoluted, honestly.' She rolled her eyes but continued, 'Your father has already been scooped up. He's in St Mungo's as we speak.'

'What about the house?'

'The house can rot, as far as I'm concerned. We're packing up your mother and your things, and you're coming here for the time being, until we find a place.'

'We?'

'James and Sirius have jobs, I'm going to apply at the bookstore in Diagon Alley. We'll earn money enough to rent a place together. And we're not doing it without you.' Remus felt his dry eyes try to tear up again. He had never felt so grateful in all his life.

'How can I-' He took a steadying breath. 'How can I- How can I thank you, or James, or Sirius?' Lily smiled and wriggled closer, so her head was resting on his arm.

'You can start by getting a good night sleep. I'm exhausted.' Remus allowed himself a small chuckle.

'I haven't forgotten about my lecture.'

'I'm sure you haven't, but it can wait. It can all wait.' He shut his eyes, and knew she was right. It could all wait.

James and Sirius returned in the early hours, and were delighted at the sight of Remus and Lily curled against each other. They each stripped and climbed into bed on either side of the sleeping couple, careful not to wake them.

--

It was just daylight when Remus' eyes snapped open, his breath coming in gasps like a drowning man. It was what he had been dreaming of. In his mind he still saw the deep, dark water rising around his tiny bed, in his miserable bedroom. His eyes noted the faded canopy of the unfamiliar bed. A small hand brushed his ribs and came to rest in the centre of his chest, a warm thumb tracing reassuring circles on his too-visible sternum.

'Moony?' Sirius' sleepy mumble was no more than a whisper, but a larger hand found its way to Remus', interlacing their fingers. Remus looked to his left, where Sirius' dopey face blinked up at him. He quirked his lips in a sleepy smile, and planted a kiss to his bare shoulder. To his right, Lily lay on her side, James wrapped around her back like an octopus. His sleep-dry eyes flooded with tears, and he allowed them to fall silently. He clutched Sirius' hand tightly to force himself to believe he wasn't dreaming. He could tell the full moon was close, because the smells in the room were almost overwhelming. He would have found it too much to bear, had they not belonged mostly to his lovers three.

Lily's lavender hair, James' pine body wash, Sirius' musky mixture of products that had hints of caramel. A light alcohol smell stuck to the boys, and all three smelled slightly of BO. The fireplace in the corner hadn't been cleaned out properly in days, and the petrichor of rain permeated the window. Remus allowed himself to lie quietly and take it all in, grateful once again. His thoughts eventually turned back to his mother, who would be waking soon. He shut his eyes tight again, sat up, and looked to both sides for a way off the bed without jostling anyone. Lily fluttered her eyes open again.

'Remus?'

'I have to go back Lily, I can't leave my mum alone.' Lily extricated herself from James' arms, earning a grumpy grunt. She shook his shoulder.

'James, wake up. We're going to Remus' house.' Sirius sat up on their other side and rubbed his eyes with his fists like a child. Eventually they goaded James from bed with promises of breakfast. Bathing without fuss in a large, conjured wooden tub, Remus and James shared a quiet smile in the warm water. James watched in shock as Remus stretched up to clean his hair, making his ribs stand out in stark shapes against his skin. James reached out to pull his boyfriend close, positioning him between his legs. His fingers took over lathering the sandy blonde hair with his own pine-scented shampoo. The feeling of bony protrusions pressing in to his chest make his heart ache, and when he finished washing Remus' hair, he paused to hold him close and bury his nose in a long, pale neck. 'I'm sorry.' Remus stilled.

'For what?'

'I'm sorry I didn't know. I should have visited at least.'

'James, please don't. You couldn't have known. I made sure you wouldn't.' James squeezed him tighter for a time, before the urgency returned to Remus. They dressed quickly and bundled up for the weather.

Sirius opened the door to leave, and found the owner of the Leaky Couldron, Tom, poised to knock. Sirius froze, and Tom peaked over his shoulder at the other three.

'Y'know, you can stay free, but the rest have to pay.' Sirius nodded quickly.

'Course, Tom. We'll sort it.' The barman threw another suspicious look at the four of them before he turned down the hall.

They left via Diagon Alley, stopping briefly for tea and breakfast to go. Lily waited on Remus' lap. She frowned at his bony knees pressing in to her, and vowed he'd never skip a meal again. Sirius talked about some of the terrible patrons at the Couldron, recounting the giant man from the other night, and how Tom never seemed to need sleep. James countered with stories of drunk, rich witches and wizards, and the things he had seen on the velvet seats so far. Remus shivered slightly in the wind and Lily put her arms around his shoulders. Their tea came first, steaming in the paper cups, their pastries and breakfast following soon after. Remus was watched not-so-subtly by all as he ate his croissant on the way to the fireplace in the cafe.

They floo'd to Remus' family home, landing in the grim lounge area. A wave of shame flooded Remus, but James threaded their fingers together confidently, and with a look, assured him it was unnecessary. In the next room, a shrill bell was ringing rather violently. Another wave of shame, this time for leaving his mother alone. James and Remus headed for that room, while Lily and Sirius went to Remus' room to pack his things.

Hope Lupin had once been an imposing woman, but in her bed she looked sickly and weak. James peered in at the room, much cleaner than the rest of the home. Remus clearly cared for his mother. The large window was clean, not a speck of dust to be found. The weak sun streamed through it. The bed was large and it's covers immaculate. Remus went to his mother and knelt at her side, they spoke quietly for a time while James opened drawers and cupboards to find clothing to pack. Eventually James left the room while Remus washed and dressed the woman.

He wandered idly through the house. It had been magically enlarged, with six bedrooms, a library, a sitting room, kitchen, laundry and three bathrooms. The small cottage-like front did not betray the vast halls. He mindlessly cast spells - removing the dust from a curtain here, wiping a table there. Many of the furnishings had once been opulent and expensive, but now the place reeked of desolation. An idea began to form in his mind. He thought about it some more and decided he would speak to Remus later. Surely the depression of being left alone here was still too near.

Lily and Sirius lugged Remus' trunk, containing all of his few possessions bar the letter opener

down the hall to the front door. She vanished it, to reappear in their room at the Couldron. They waited outside, away from the dust and mildew. Lily wandered the overgrown garden, shocked to discover many of the plants, when looked at closely, were magical ingredients for potions. Valerian flowers edged the pathway, sage and juniper tangled with gnarled nightshade branches, snapping flowers tucked themselves away in the corner. She imagined herself in a garden like this as she aged. Opening the gate and stepping onto the street, she looked into the yard to discover a glamour cast over the place. She had twice apparated directly onto the property, but from the street the small cottage took on the visage of an abandoned home. She saw boards on the windows and doors that didn't exist, a crumbled chimney and collapsed veranda. Sirius was not standing on the porch. She stepped back through the gate and concentrated on feeling the line of magic concealing the true state of the home. Only a slight tingle in her neck betrayed the spell. Sirius was looking at her oddly.

'What on earth are you doing?'

'Have you seen the house from the street?'

'No?'

'C'mere,' Lily beckoned him, and he made his way to the gate, stepping out.

'Can you see me?' Lily waved her hands in the air. Sirius didn't respond.

'Can you hear me?' she cupped her hands and shouted at him. They were standing no more than a metre apart on either side of the fence. His face remained impassive, and Lily marvelled at the power of the spells. Sirius stepped back through the gate and shut it behind him.

'I was shouting at you, couldn't you hear me?'

'What? No, I didn't hear or see you. It's incredible.'

'Whoever cast these spells must be so skilled.'

'It was my grandfather.' Remus had joined them in the front yard, pushing his mother in a chair. 'He was sick of people stealing his spell ingredients. He was a talented wizard.'

'I'll say, it's incredible magic.'

Eventually they called a muggle cab for the five of them. James and Sirius looked delighted and intrigued, and only refrained from bothering the driver with questions when he nearly swerved into a pole. They rode for half an hour, and pulled up in front of a manor house, recently painted, with a sign out the front for 'Totley's Home for the Aged.' A smiling nurse awaited them on the steps, shaking their hands one by one and introducing herself.

'The manor house was built in 1884, but as you can see we've recently updated it. Each room is private, and your mother can choose her view - the gardens or the city. There are three meals a day, served hot, and two tea rounds in between, plus supper. A doctor on site reviews each resident fortnightly, and there are regular outings, if Hope chooses to attend.' She led them to a sitting room, with plush armchairs scattered around the full length windows. A manicured lawn extended to a small garden bed. Hope spoke quietly to the nurse, who smiled and answered her question. The four of them stood back while they spoke.

'What d'ya think, Moony?' James' eyes were hopeful, 'It's a lovely place.' Remus looked a little pained. It had been literally killing him, stuck in the house, forced by circumstance to care for his mother, but now he was to be parted from her he mourned the loss. He looked around at the other residents in the room. They looked calm, and well fed.

'It's nice, I suppose.' Lily stepped in front of him and put her hands on his arms.

'They'll take good care of her here, she'll have people to talk to, and they'll get her out of her room.' 'I know, I know. I'll miss her is all.'

'You can come and visit her any time, Remus. Think of how happy she'll be when you do.'

--

In the end, Remus said goodbye to his mother, knowing in his heart she would be happier there than stuck in one room with only his miserable self for company. He still ached at the thought, but knew it was for the best for both of them. They apparated back to the Couldron feeling lighter than any time in the last month. A pile of letters sat on the desk, Sirius eyed them worriedly and picked them up. The crest for Hogwarts was stamped on each.

'It's the NEWT results.' Handing them to their addressees, Sirius tore his open with fingers only slightly shaking. He unfolded the paper and scanned his eyes directly to the table showing his marks.

E for potions, O for DADA, charms, arithmancy, and transfiguration. His face split into a grin and he looked up. James' brow was furrowed as he scanned his own letter. Eventually James smiled as well, with an O in all but arithmancy, an E. Both boys wanting to be aurors, they had taken the same subjects. Lily's marks were exceptional, Os across the board in potions, DADA, transfiguration, herbology, charms and arithmancy. She jumped and pressed the letter to her chest. They turned to Remus who handed his letter over. Lily read it before passing it on and catching him in a tight hug. Included in his letter was a hand-written note from Dumbledore, encouraging him to persue teaching, and informing him there was a position open when he wanted it. His marks, of course, were exceptional, O's all around in history of magic, and the same subjects as the rest of them.

Sirius declared himself the buyer of lunch, and together they trooped into Diagon Alley to sit at a cafe. They ordered food and coffee. Remus sat quietly and allowed himself to bask in a hopeful future. Lily took his hand and smiled knowingly at him.

'You're allowed to be excited y'know,' she chastised, 'Dumbledore wants you back as a teacher! That's huge!'

Remus smiled back at her. 'I am. Excited, I mean. There's just... There's a lot to do between now and then.'

'We'll manage. I promise.' The look in her eyes was so earnest he couldn't help but believe her. Sirius looked across the table at him and grinned so brightly he felt it in his chest. James took his other hand and squeezed. Sirius piped up after a moment.

'Where are we going tonight?' Lily looked at him confusedly.

'What's tonight? Are we celebrating?' James rolled his eyes and indicated to the sky with a nod of his head. Lily looked up and saw the full moon in the day time sky. The realisation dawned on her that Remus was to transform tonight.

'I completely forgot.' She squeezed Remus' hand again. After two years and 26 transformations together, the three boys had the calendar in the back of their minds at all times. Lily would have to catch up.

'I get to come with you this time!' Sounding exhilarated, she grinned.

Remus screwed his nose up at her., and James' face darkened.

'I still don't know if it's a good idea. I didn't manage to brew my potion this month. It's... It can be...'

'Remus is right, Lily. It's not what you expect it to be. We don't just frolic all night.'

'Maybe we should take this back to the room?' Plates and cups empty, they rose and returned to Sirius' room at the Couldron.

'You know, I wasn't expecting tonight to be sunshine and rainbows. I've read a lot about werewolves and their behaviours and-'

'It's really not something you can read about and be prepared for. It's not like casting a spell.'

'I know that. I can turn in to an owl though, I can fly away from danger, keep a look out.'

'Lily, the problem isn't that you can't protect yourself. It's that you're not wired to protect yourself from me. James and Sirius both have scars from where times were dicey. I really don't think you

ought to join us this month. Wait until next time when I can take a potion, when I won't be as dangerous to you.'

'I'm not going to be left behind!'

'We're not leaving you behind. We're trying to tell you that it's too dangerous!' James turned to face her directly, and Lily squared up. Sirius took a step back from both of them, glancing between their furious faces.

'Too dangerous? Like turning into an animagus? Like taking the potion alone? Like almost drowning Severus? I'm not a child, or a princess to be protected. I'm starting to think you just don't want me there.'

'Of course we do Lily, don't be stupid.'

'Oh, good. I'm stupid now.'

'For fuck sake, that's not what I meant.'

'It's what you said.'

'Maybe because you're acting like you're stupid!'

'There it is!'

'I'm not trying to keep you away, I'm trying to tell you that you don't know what you're getting into!'

'Neither did you, you were 15 fucking years old when you did it.'

'Sirius and I had each others' backs, we looked out for each other.'

'You don't want to look out for me?' James clenched his fists and shut his eyes tight.

'You know that's not what I'm fucking saying, you're being deliberately horrible.'

'So why can't I come?'

Remus and Sirius backed away. They had heard the other two fight like this once before, at Hogwarts. The whole of Gryffindor had heard them. The issue, Remus had concluded, is that they're both too stubborn to see that they might be wrong in the moment. Sirius was glad for the standing silencing charms. He sat to write a letter to Regulus, and Remus picked up Dumbledore's note to read again.

After a while, when Sirius genuinely though it was going to come to blows, Lily stormed to the window.

'Fine, fuck this. Fuck you, James Potter, and you two-' she looked at Sirius and Remus, 'Thanks for nothing.' She unlatched the window and threw it wide before she transformed. The owl didn't even skim the windowsill as she flew from the room. James let out a frustrated yell and threw his hands in the air.

'She's fucking impossible, I swear.' He raked his hands over his face before he looked at the clock. 'C'mon Remus, it's almost four. Where are we going?'

--

The three boys appeared inside the front door of the shrieking shack just as the clock struck five. The sky darkened to the east, and they set their blankets in the corners of the rooms as usual. They

decided on the shack for old times sake, and because Remus, not having taken his potion, wasn't safe to be in the forest behind his home.

James sat quietly, head in his hands, and thought about Lily. Her fire and her passion was why he liked her, but it made her impossible sometimes. He supposed she was right. She's not for them to protect like a child. She did the same things they had, but alone. It took guts, and know-how, and intelligence. He wished he had dropped the issue and let her come. She would have known how to

comfort Remus, sitting wide eyed in the corner. James rose to sit with him.

'You all right, Moony?'

'Yeah'

'You sure? It's ok if you're not.'

'It's been a while since I changed without the wolfsbane. I don't want to hurt anyone.' 'Me and Pads won't let it happen. We haven't let it before, it won't happen this time. ' 'I've hurt you before.'

'Nah, not seriously. We know the drill, love. '

Sirius used his front paws to push the door open. He loped, panting into the room, and flopped down on his side in James and Remus' laps. They laughed and he turned back into a boy.

'No campers, no holiday makers, no hikers.'

'You sure?'

'One hundred percent, no one around but us.'

'See Moony, we'll be fine. '

The sun had stopped streaming through the window and the slight nausea in Remus' throat told him the time was approaching.

A loud crack of apparation startled them all from the second floor.

'Who the fuck?' James rose from his place, his wand already in his hand. Light feet scuffed the floorboards in one room, before they paused, cross the room again, and came towards the stairs. Sirius changed again, the hulking black dog standing protectively at James' side. The first flight of stairs ended in a landing, and the second flight was in their view. A pair of familiar shoes turned at the top, coming down towards them.

'Lily?' James shouted her name disbelievingly. How had she found them already? Lily squeaked in surprise at the sound in the otherwise quiet house.

'What are you doing here!?'

'What do you mean? We're here with Remus. What are you doing here?'

'I left my bag the other night. Is that Sirius? He's massive!' Lily came down the last of the steps, still scowling at James, but too interested in Sirius animagus form.

'Lily...' James looked back at Remus, 'You have to decide, stay or go, right now.'

'Why right now?'

A sickening snap of bone permeated the room, Lily felt nauseous. The two of them and Sirius' huge shaggy body turned at once to the corner. Remus was hunched over, panting hard. His shoulder jutted out at an impossible angle. He lifted his head slightly, though it took huge effort, and looked at them.

'Go.'

James grabbed Lily's hand and dragged her to the door. Sirius ushered them out at the rear. James ran without stopping to the edge of the forest.

'Lily listen to me. Don't get close to him tonight. Promise me.'

'I promise.'

'Don't fuck about, he can hurt you. If you see muggles or anyone in the woods, find me or Sirius. We'll lead him away and scare them away. Follow our lead, and no one gets hurt.' Lily nodded, wide eyed.

'Change now, Lily. Go, fly.'

She turned to follow his gaze over her shoulder and watched Remus' twisted werewolf form nose its way from the shack. James shook her shoulder again.

'Lily!' She shut her eyes and forced the slimy feeling to coat her back as quickly as possible. She flapped her powerful wings, going straight up into the air. Her eyes followed James as he changed

and bounded away into the woods. Lily perched on a high branch of a dead tree to watch Remus. The werewolf didn't look like a dog, or even a wolf. It looked like a man had been trapped halfway

though an animagus transformation. A wolf's long nose sniffed the air, his slightly-too-long rear legs made his back half sway unnervingly. Lily suddenly understood the muggle fear of uncanny- valley-esque humanoids.

The werewolf - Lily steadfastly decided it wasn't Remus - sniffed the spot she and James stood moments before. Her sharp eyes, designed to spot prey in the dark, could see Sirius on the other side of the clearing. He lay still in the undergrowth, watching the wolf. Lily looked back down and the hulking grey shape had already disappeared. She couldn't believe how quietly it had gone. She could hear the birds nesting in the hollow of the next tree, but she hadn't heard the wolf leave. She hoisted herself into the air again and flew in the direction James had gone, gliding silently through the night.

It still amazed her how long she could fly without tiring. Her hollow bones and specifically- evolved feathers were so perfectly designed that she could glide for hours. It only took her minutes to catch up with the wolf. It padded silently through the forest, the soft ground muffling it's footsteps. From her position in the sky, she also spotted James. His antlers were surely bigger than a regular deer, she thought, while she watched him walk silently around the perimeter of the woods. She followed the wolf still, watched him hunt several smaller animals. Each time he crunched their bones, she looked away. Several times she watched Sirius move - he would criss cross in the wolf's path, ensuring no people were there. Either the wolf knew his scent, or didn't care to hunt larger animals, because it didn't seem to bother with the black dog. Occasionally the wolf would stray too close to the treeline, and either James or Sirius would crash through the bushes behind it, luring it back into the depths. Lily was in awe of their precision and their teamwork. They knew each other's' movements so perfectly, they could predict and assist where necessary.

The night grew late, but Lily was wide awake. She knew the wind was cold, but her feathers didn't let her feel it. The wolf had been goaded once again to move further back into the trees, James and Sirius' delicate dance of distraction and stealth went on and on. Lily spiralled in the air and from the corner of her eye, she spotted a figure at the edge of the forest. Her head swivelled immediately. The wolf was about 400 metres from the edge, but the wind was blowing into the trees, not past or away from them. The figure kneeled on the ground, bundled up in a huge coat. Lily swivelled again and searched for James or Sirius. She kept one eye on the wolf all the time. By the time she spotted Sirius, the wolf had lifted its nose to the air in the direction of the person. Lily tucked her wings and dove towards Sirius, but he was on the wrong side of the wolf. She startled Sirius, landing on the ground in front of him silently. She immediately took off, but he understood and followed as she flapped madly through the trees. They took a wide berth around the wolf, who was stalking the scent now. She led Sirius to the tree line and left him, flying towards the figure on the ground. She knew Sirius had seen him, and would try to corral the wolf away.

The figure, in the mean time, was harvesting mushrooms from the base of the trees with a small knife that glinted in the moonlight. It looked to be no older than a child, a teenager at best. Lily flew towards them, diving for their position. She landed in front of the boy, she saw, and spread her wings wide, flapping frantically in his face. The boy fell backwards onto his elbows, making too much noise in the undergrowth. Lily reared up and brandished her talons, hoping to spur the boy into a run. Her head turned around, and her heart dropped. The wolf was in the shadows, stalking towards them both. The boy finally returned to his wits and leapt to his feet. Lily screeched at his back, hoping he'd be fast enough. She beat her wings so hard it hurt her, and felt the snapping of teeth mere centimetres below her clawed feet as she ascended into the night.

Looking down, she saw the wolf pacing under her position, but he quickly lost interest in favour of

the human scent of the boy.

James cantered through the brush, his antlers keeping the branches from his face. If he could hear and smell a human, so could Remus. He reached the edge of the forest in time to see Remus snap at Lily's claws, and a person running in the opposite direction. He had told her to fetch him or Sirius, to stay out of Remus' way. Fuming, he tread carefully to watch Remus. He quickly saw Sirius, about five metres to his left. They waited for Remus to move. He stalked under Lily for a time, before turning in the direction of the retreating figure. James knew what he needed to do, and wheeling around, he crashed loudly through the trees. He snapped every twig he could find, broke every slim branch. He heard the pounding of Remus' feet in the earth, and knew he'd been successful. He slowed and moved in a perpendicular direction to his crashing. He stopped and listened, waiting for Sirius' second wave of noise. Remus raced past, and he heard Sirius crunching and crushing in the other direction before he too was silent.

The night stretched on, and once the wolf settled between the roots of a large tree, James and Sirius accompanied each other back to the shack. Remus would need clothes and warmth when he changed again. Lily found a branch under a small overhang in a tree trunk from which she could see the wolf's sleeping form. She grew tired, but kept her eyes on the figure. Eventually, as the sky lightened in the east, she heard the grinding and crunching of bones again. She watched the metamorphosis in sick fascination. Every bone in his body broke and reset itself over the course of a minute or so. His face flattened and his skin changed from the grey or the wolf, to Remus' pale visage. Lily spread her wings and let herself glide to the ground. She changed, grateful for her coat when the cold morning air touched her skin. She walked the final few steps, only to immediately unbutton her coat.

Remus lay naked and shivering in the leaves on the floor, but he looked to be sleeping. Lily knew how he always looked the day after, but he looked corpse-like in the drab morning light. She draped her coat over his body and turned. Sirius had returned with basket of blankets and clothes in clamped in his canine mouth. Lily took it from him, and pressed her forehead to his. He shut his eyes a moment, before he turned to walk a small perimeter around the tree and its roots. Lily turned back to Remus, draped a blanket around him, and settled herself with her back against one of the roots. She conjured herself a steaming cup of tea to sip, and allowed herself to doze. James was nowhere to be found. Sirius, satisfied with their isolation, remained in his dog form to hunker down at Remus' back. The shaggy fur would warm him, and they were both there to protect him.

They dozed by the roots of the tree until Remus stirred around ten o'clock. Lily helped him dress before she apparated them both back to the room in the Couldron. He was barely strong enough to stand, let alone apparate. Sirius explained that the wolfsbane potion doesn't only cause the human to have more control over the wolf form, but it also makes the physical transformation less taxing. Remus hadn't had it this month, and though he was conscious, he didn't want to be. Lily called up the large wooden tub again, filled it with hot water, and guided Remus into it. He sank gratefully into it, the heat soothing his joints, his muscles, his everything. Lily soaped and washed his hair, carefully picking out twigs and other debris. She washed his back and let him soak until he dozed off again.

Finally before midday, Lily bundled Remus into bed. She and Sirius closed the curtains and made sure the fire was roaring before quietly creeping from the room. Hand in hand, they left the pub tiredly in search of food. Settled in a secluded corner of the same cafe of the morning before, they sipped their hot drinks.

'Was it what you expected?' Lily took a deep breath and shook her head.

'I knew it would be difficult, and probably scary. The stupid boy nearly gave me a heart attack. I didn't expect...' Sirius placed his hand over hers under the table.

'I guess I didn't expect how horrible it would be to see Moony like that. All his bones Sirius. It wasn't even him, it was a creature.'

'Yeah.'

'You and Prongs were amazing though. You moved together like clockwork. Were you using legilimency?'

'No, we've just had years of practice.' Lily sat quietly for a while. The stubborn part of her insisted she didn't care, but she wondered where James was all the same.

'Does it ever get easier to see him like that?' Sirius looked her in the eyes and decided the truth was for the best. He shook his head slowly.

'No, I don't think it does. The potion helps, he knows us and we can run together, although we still need to keep people out of his way. It actually-' His words caught in his throat and Lily noticed a sadness in his eyes that she'd never seen before.

'Since we've been together it's been worse. For me, I mean. I wouldn't say this to Moony, but I find it... Difficult to watch. More and more each time.' Lily squeezed his hand. It was rare for Sirius to speak openly about his feelings, but he was exhausted, so Lily stayed quiet.

'We used to think - me and James - we thought it was a great game. Dumbledore provided the potion and we would have a night a month without rules. We thought ourselves invincible. We howled and shook the house, we thought it was hilarious, us being the ghosts of the shreaking shack. Moony sometimes remembered bits and pieces as time went on. It was our exciting secret. But there was a night, it was early last year, Dumbledore was away. Moony couldn't make the potion without Slughorn noticing the missing ingredients and we thought it would be fine. Just for one night, we thought we could handle it.' He was gripping her hand in her lap now, and Lily was stock still in her seat.

'It started off fine, we kept our distance and kept our eyes on him. There was another group of students in the forest that night, we hadn't checked properly. Moony caught their scent the same time I did, and Prongs couldn't get his attention. I ended up barreling into Moony at full speed. I remember I felt some of his ribs crack, and the noise he made-' Sirius shut his eyes tight and grimaced.

'It sounded like I'd kicked a puppy. I ran after the students and growled and barked until they ran back to the castle. I didn't realise but Moony was coming after me. He was still quiet even though he was limping. I saw him too late, but Prongs jumped in front of me. Moony didn't get his claws in, Prongs didn't get scratched, but one of his antlers snapped off when he hit the tree. I had to wrestle Moony away and run. He stalked me the rest of the night. In the morning I had to choose between tending to Moony or helping Prongs. I found madam Pomfrey at the castle to tend to Prongs, he had a gash in his forehead when he changed back, he was unconscious. By the time I made it back to Moony, he was blue around the lips. His face was so pale from the cold I thought he was- I couldn't wake him. I ended up lying on him to warm him up. His side was black and blue from hip to shoulder where I'd hit him.' Sirius' eyes were bloodshot and wet. Lily released the breath she didn't realise she had held. The silence settled heavy on the couple, their drinks were cold. Lily thought of James again. She would apologise for being a prat.

'That's why James has been so angry at you. I think it's harder for him as well after that.'

'Sirius I- I'm sorry. I didn't realise.'

'You couldn't've. We never meant for you to be there, not because we don't want you there, but because even the two of us are scared. Every time.' A helpful waitress magicked their drinks to a steaming temperature when she brought their food.

After they ate, both Sirius and Lily felt a wave of exhaustion. Returning to the room, Sirius climbed in to bed with Remus, while Lily penned a quick letter to James. She joined the two boys under the covers and fell into a restless sleep.

--

James woke up alone in his bed at his parents house. His muscles ached, so he asked Chicker to run him a bath. Lying in bed, he remembered the night before, going over the details in his mind. Of course he was glad the boy had gotten away. A small part of him was proud of Lily for protecting him. The larger, louder part of him still fumed at her. He was reminded of the last time Remus went without the wolfsbane potion, the scar under his hair tingled and he quickly shook the thoughts from his mind. He soaked in the tub and let the tension seep from his neck and shoulders. He knew he was angry at Lily because he was scared, both for himself and for her and Remus and Sirius. He hadn't known how, or didn't want to tell her about the last potion-less full moon. Even his parents thought he had tripped over going to the bathroom at night. He would be forever grateful to Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey. He and Sirius knew what to expect, and there was really no way to properly explain it to Lily.

He sank further into the water, allowing his head to submerge, nose in the air. He had told her to stay away, and he guessed she really hadn't meant to be there. He had told her so clearly to keep away and let him or Sirius deal with any issues, but she was so hard-headed that she had- He huffed a breath. She had saved someone's life with her stubbornness, and it only made him angrier because he knew he would have done the same. Through the water, he heard a knock at his door. His mother opened it a crack and he lifted his head from the water.

'James dear, a letter for you. She held it through the gap of the door. Drying his hands on a towel, he picked up his wand and summoned it.

'Thanks, mum.'

'Do you want something to eat?'

'Yes please.'

'Just you in there?'

'Yes, mum, I'll be out in a minute.'

He held the letter and saw his own name in Lily's neat handwriting. He seethed quietly and threw it across the room. He scrubbed himself roughly and vanished the water, dressed, and went towards the smell of food. His mother noticed his sour mood immediately and didn't interrupt his thoughts with small talk, placing his plate in front of him. She put a comforting hand on his shoulder and kissed the top of his head before leaving the room. James was lost in thought again, this time trying to think of anything but the snap and grinding sounds of Remus' change that haunted his dreams. In the two or so months they had been together, his reaction to the process became far more visceral. He'd always hated it, only watching if he had to, but since they had fallen for each other, James had become disgusted at the thought of his partner going through it. The pain he must feel hurt James as well, although he'd never say it. Sirius felt the same, but he hadn't voiced it, he didn't need to. He barely tasted his food. Not ready to face any of his partners, James apparated directly to Remus' house. The cottage looked even colder than it had before it was empty.

He let himself in and called out to check if Lyall was home, but the rooms were empty. James soon set to work. He magically swept and scrubbed the floors room by room. Household spells weren't his forte, but he managed to get the rugs hung outside while the floors were cleaned to sparkling. He set about vanishing the dust and grime of neglect from the curtains next, going room to room. The fabric was good quality, if old. Eventually, he slumped to a dusty armchair and called for Chicker. She appeared before him with a smile.

'Master James, I was called?' He smiled back at her fondly.

'I'm not very good at cleaning, Chick. Can you help me tidy this place up?' The small elf looked around. She wore a pillowcase, as usual, but it was pressed and pristine. She took great pride in her work. Her huge, glassy eyes took in the neglected room.

'I can help. It will take time.'

'I'll tell mum and dad you're with me, and I'll help.' She smiled at him again. 'You start in the kitchen. I will start in the bedrooms.'

James made his way to the kitchen. A woodfire stove fit to cook for a hoard stood grimy and disused in the centre of the bench. Plates and bowls sat unwashed. A larder with scarcely any food in it could be seen through a doorway. James distracted himself from thoughts of Remus' recent diet with the task of washing the dishes, wiping the surfaces, and scrubbing the stove. After an hour, Chicker appeared in the doorway with a gasp.

'Master James is using his hands! Why!?' A wave of her tiny hand cleared the rest of the caked on grease from the stovetop. James straightened from where he was hunched over. He'd decided to scrub and clean by hand to force this thoughts away from everything else.

'It's okay, Chick. I don't mind.'

'James is a wizard! Should not be scrubbing by hand!' she squeaked in disgust, 'If you don't know the spells, should call Chicker!' James smiled and shook his head.

'What else is there to do?'

'Is all finished. Chicker cleaned the bedrooms and the library and the lounge. Also the bathrooms.' 'You're a legend. Thank you. You can go now, if you want.'

'James won't be scrubbing anything else?'

'No, I won't scrub anything else. I'll use magic.' She disappeared after giving a satisfied nod. James peered in to the other rooms one by one. Each of the three bathrooms was sparkling clean. The main one had a huge bathtub with several taps. The library was only a bedroom, but books lined each wall floor to ceiling, and two plush-looking couches faced each other. The rug had been replaced. The room felt impossibly cozy. The lounge looked far more inviting, sun streamed through the open window and James noticed the pictures on the mantle for the first time. There were several of Lyall and Hope, smiling and waving at him from their frames. Remus featured as a child in some, but there were no pictures of him past the age of eight. James knew that was when he had been turned.

He inspected each bedroom in turn. Hope's room wasn't much different, Remus had kept it clean when he had been there. James finally made his way to the back of the house, and to Remus' old room. The bed had fresh sheets, but was still only child-sized. The window had been cleaned, the view of the back yard and the forest beyond clear in the daylight. It was void of possessions except a small knife on the desk. Chicker had obviously polished it. A small, clear gem set into the handle shon in the natural light. James picked it up to examine, and was shocked. It wasn't a knife, but a letter opener. The long, thin blade had been clumsily sharpened. He cast a spell learned in charms, and the resonating sound told him it was pure silver. James balked at the thought of why on earth Remus would own a pure silver knife, sharpened as it was. He pocketed it to be disposed of. Sitting down on one of the plush couches, he felt a wave of exhaustion sweep over him. He kicked his shoes off and put his feet up. He dozed off in the gentle afternoon sun.